LOSER LOSER LOSER

[Guest Goodear]

“Fans I am not joking when I tell you this next contest is one I have been looking forward to for weeks as the returning Ejiro Fasaki gets set to mix it up with a staple of the federation since he has been gone, Scott Pretzler,” emotes Longdogger Pete as we return from commercial break. “Both men simply have all the wrestling talent and ability that we in the SWF love to bring to you all on a weekly basis. It simply has all the makings of a mat classic.”

 

“You know it Peter,” replies The Suicide King, “both Pretzler and Fasaki can mix it up on the mat like you wouldn’t believe. I would have to give the edge to Scott and Revolution Zero myself, but Ejiro Fasaki is one ruthless bastard in his own right and could probably orchestrate a scam of tremendous proportions if he just stopped with all the shiny, happy nonsense of the last month.”

 

“Fasaki is trying to change his ways and you know it King. I’m sure if Pretzler keeps everything above board tonight that Fasaki will match him hold for hold.”

 

The King of Hearts nearly laughs in response, “Yeah right. Look Ejiro has popped YOU in the face with a chain before Pete and he’d do the same in a second if he felt the right, shall we say, twinge? I’d be entirely on my guard if I were Pretzler tonight.”

 

JUSTICE!

 

 

RULE!

 

 

POPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOP!

 

As we grow up listening to Queen, Ejiro Fasaki bounces out from behind the ring curtain with a gleam in his eye as he yells out to the crowd. And for once, here in Denver, there is almost universal crowd support for the face in training as he stands in opposition to not just Scott Pretzler but the entire Revolution Zero faction. Reveling in the applause, Fasaki calls out for more as he slides his way down the aisle and under the bottom rope to the ring. Quickly hopping to his feet and climbing up to the middle rope, Ejiro raises an arm into the air and enjoys the shouts of the crowd as Funyon conveys his information to the gathered throng.

 

“Introducing first, he weighs in tonight at 223 pounds and hailing from Sarasota, Florida… he is THE RULE of EJIROOOOOOOO FASAKEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

 

Dropping down to the canvas, Fasaki pulls off his Justice and Rule football jersey and passes it over the top rope to the arena floor to a waiting attendant. Smiling brightly at his universal acceptance for this night, Fasaki claps his hands together and starts to bounce from one foot to the other in excitement for the upcoming match to come.

 

“And his opponent…”

 

Ejiro remarks to himself about how odd it is to be on the opposite side of this change of attitude as Beethoven’s Ninth begins to flow elegantly through the broadcast system. Stepping through the curtain, ‘The Critic’ looks from one side of the ring to the other with a look of contempt that could actually peel paint off the walls of a 19th century veranda. Ignoring any calls from the crowd that mean so little to him, the business-like Pretzler brushes off his shoulders as he saunters down to the ring. Stepping up the ringside steps, Scott brushes his boots off against the metal before parting the ropes and moving into his second home. Paying the former World Champion across the ring from him absolutely no mind, Pretzler stretches the ropes to test their pliability as Funyon calls into the microphone.

 

“He weighs in at 226 pounds and comes to us tonight from Toronto, Canada. He is a member of the respected and feared Revolution ZEROOOOOOO. He is THE CRITIC… SCOOOOOOOOOTT PRETZLERRRRRRRRRRRRR!”

 

Ignoring any and all crowd noise that make any sort of reference to Jon Lovitz or the Auntie Anne pretzel company, Scott continues to work his way around the ring and test its reliability as Ejiro circles around his seemingly unconcerned opponent. But as referee Eddy Long calls for the bell, Scott’s focus turns around and centers down on Ejiro Fasaki like a crosshair. Obvious by his newly found nature, Pretzler has heard every story and every rumor he has ever heard about Ejiro Fasaki as he quickly lowers his head and drops into a very compact wrestling stance.

 

DING! DING!

 

Quickly sliding in with an amateur wrestling shot, Pretzler tries to grab a single leg only to have his wily opponent easily step out of the range of the attempt and circle back into the center of the ring. Quickly closing the gap, Fasaki locks onto Pretzler with a collar-and-elbow tie up and tries to push him back into a corner. But using his superior power and balance, ‘The Critic’ quickly pivots and gains the advantageous position as he shoves Ejiro backward into the corner. Holding him up against the turnbuckle, Scott holds him there for a moment before quickly breaking back into the center of the ring and dropping back into the wrestling stance that he started the match in before Ejiro pushes him upright. Looking on with a raised eyebrow, Fasaki moves out from the corner cautiously and tries to go for another collar-and-elbow only to have the more aggressive Pretzler duck under the attempt and take Fasaki back down to the canvas with a double-leg takedown. Immediately moving into a guard position, Ejiro Fasaki covers up as best he can as Pretzler tries to force his hands inside and maybe an opening to hit a few elbows.

 

WHOMP! WHOMP!

 

But Ejiro keeps his guard up strong and is able to avoid the majority of the force behind those elbows as Pretzler’s blows push the pile of man back to where they are now entangled in the ring ropes. Quickly releasing the situation, Pretzler breaks off the assault and backs into the center of the ring again as Fasaki uses the ring ropes to pull his way up off the canvas. Keeping his back against the ropes, Ejiro seemingly tries to get The Critic to move into him but the member of Revolution ZERO seems completely uninterested in leaving the center of the ring.

 

“It does not look to me like Ejiro wants to make this an amateur style contest with Pretzler,” calls out The King of Hearts. “Scott simply is too well sound in that area for Ejiro to compete on that level. I recommend eye poking!”

 

“You always recommend that!” rebukes LDP, “I asked you what to do with my 401k and you said to poke it in the eyes.”

 

Cautiously moving out towards Pretzler, Ejiro waits for the grappler to go in for another shot and this time meets the charge with a hard rising knee to the face that stuns Scott for a moment and allows Fasaki to push him back against the ropes and send the former Cruiserweight Champion against the ropes. Quickly extending an elbow, Fasaki tries to knock Scott to the canvas, but he quickly ducks under the blow and pulls Ejiro down to the canvas with a lightning fast side headlock. Pulling Fasaki’s head off the canvas, Scott uses the neck as a fulcrum to get the most out of the hold. Far more comfortable in this professional wrestling environment, Fasaki rolls his shoulders backward and pushes Pretzler into a pinning predicament for a moment before Scott flexes his legs and reasserts his dominant position. Quickly stretching his legs as far as they will go to extend his base, Pretzler avoids Ejiro being able to do the same counter and continues to hold onto the head. But The Rule knows a million counters to this hold and gathers his knees underneath in order to push both himself and The Critic up to a vertical base. But the moment the effort reaches its goal Pretzler quickly turns to one side and pulls Fasaki right back down to the canvas where he can continue to crank the neck.

 

“Very simple and basic strategy here by Scott Pretzler,” calls out LDP as Ejiro kicks out in frustration. “He’s grabbed a hold and he’s going to keep it until Fasaki finds a way out. And slowly but surely, he’s going to get that Snowflake Clutch and things will be all over.”

 

Grabbing Pretzler in a tight waist, Ejiro slowly and painfully fights his way up his knees where Scott once again manages to adjust his base in order to keep his man in check. Keeping the headlock in place, Scott rubs down on the hold time and again in succession with what could almost be termed a smile on his face until he feels a hand up around his ears for just a moment before he is tossed to the mat by the hair! Getting up immediately with an angry glare, Scott is met with an even more distorted set of features as Ejiro blasts him across the face with a strait right hand that sends The Critic right back down to the canvas!

 

“Saint Fasaki at it again,” smirks The Suicide King after this series of two illegal moves, “man, you would think I would get tired of being right all the time, but NO!”

 

Quickly collecting Scott off the canvas, The Rule slams him into a corner and begins to pummel him about the head and neck with punch after elbow after punch as the Denver crowd whoops with joy at the end of headlocks. Grabbing Scott around the hair, Ejiro tosses the grappler through the middle ropes and the to the outside of the ring where Fasaki’s more viscous nature can take command. Dropping to the mat and rolling out after his prey, Ejiro takes The Critic by the head and jams him down on the top of the ringside step!

 

CLANG!

 

Bouncing off the metal surface, Scott rolls into the ring on instinct as Fasaki remains in hot pursuit. Immediately grabbing a sprawled Pretzler by the back of the tights, Ejiro forces him onto the middle ropes before running the length of the ring and crushing down on The Critic with a straddle. Trained into his memory, Fasaki immediately slithers to the ring apron where he can get an open shot for a…

 

PUNT!

 

Snapping Pretzler across the face with a slicing kick, Ejiro knocks his opponent off the ropes and back into the center of the ring as the momentarily victorious Rule raises both hands into the air to signify that Scott’s head did indeed clear the uprights.

 

“F’EM UP FASAKI! F’EM UP FASAKI! F’EM UP FASAKI!”

 

Getting back into the ring, Ejiro pulls a stunned Scott into a front face lock and hooks him up for a vertical suplex but as the height of the move reaches its apex, Scott shifts his weight to fall out of the hold. Landing on his feet, Pretzler mangles a turning Ejiro with a hard European uppercut that knocks the former World Champion back on his seat for just a moment while Pretzler steps back a pace before unleashing a…

 

CRACK!

 

LARIATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Totally creaming Ejiro across the jaw with a charging clothesline, Scott Pretzler manages to turn the tide under the force of the illegally inspired offensive. Taking a moment to shake his head from side to side, Scott Pretzler leans against the ropes for a moment before moving in after a moment to kick Ejiro right across the solar plexus. Gasping for air, Ejiro tries to scuttle away but Pretzler is on his foe in a moment and begins crushing him under the force of a dozen or so hard forearms to the back of the head and shoulders. Not giving Ejiro a moment to really cover up again, Pretzler grabs a double arm and hauls his opponent to a standing position and sends a knee plus one into Fasaki’s forehead. Cinching up after hitting the blows, Scott slings Fasaki over his hip with a butterfly suplex before floating over the top and hooks the far leg for a…

 

ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

 

THRNOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

“Fasaki gets out of the pin attempt at two and keeps himself alive!” calls out Longdogger Pete as Scott flawlessly transitions from the cover attempt into another side headlock. “But now Pretzler is going right back to grinding on the head and he will continue to do so until he gets what he wants out of the hold.”

 

Cranking onto the head once again, Pretzler holds his game opponent down for a second or two before Ejiro presses up into him and grabs another hand full of hair. That is until Scott waves his head back and forth furiously and gets his dampened locks loose from his foe’s fingers. Seeing that way barred, Ejiro attempts to grab a hold of The Critic’s leg only to have Scott be one step ahead again as he stomps down hard with the leg in order to keep Ejiro from finding any sort of purchase. Cursing at his perpetual stay in the headlock, Fasaki tries to find some way out until Pretzler shifts his weight and pulls Ejiro over his hip with another takedown. But as soon as the cagey wrestler’s back hits the canvas, Ejiro uses the force of the takedown to pull Pretzler into a leg scissors to finally escape the hold. But now Scott quickly shows that he is well versed in counter holds as he easily kips out of the leg scissors and lands on his feet as Ejiro crawls up to his feet and is met with a crushing…

 

CHOP!

 

Crushed by the knife-edge, Ejiro slumps back on his heels for a moment before Pretzler loads up and unloads a harsh European uppercut that knocks the former World Champion flat backwards to the mat. Pulling Ejiro up and off the canvas, Scott buries an elbow into the back of Fasaki’s head and quickly darts behind his foe and cinches him around the waist for what looks to be a German suplex but Ejiro is too quick to stay in that position for long and he quickly switches around and looks for a belly-to-back suplex. But only inches off the mat, Pretzler goes back to the headlock and uses the damage he has done to the neck to force Ejiro to set him back on the canvas. Immediately dropping another elbow to the back of the head, Pretzler switches right back into his original position and bridges backward…

 

GERMANNNN SUPLEXXXXX!

 

ONEEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOOO!

 

 

 

THREENOOOOOOO!

 

“Ejiro Fasaki just managed to roll a shoulder off the canvas!” reports Longdogger Pete as the crowd breathes a sigh of relief. “But I am forced to admit that it is Scott Pretzler who has command in this contest as Ejiro Fasaki just cannot keep an offensive going without The Critic cutting him off at the neck.”

 

“And you think this is bad? Just you wait until Scott Pretzler locks on that Snowflake Clutch. Then we will see just how much that neck can really take before Ejiro taps out just like everyone else.”

 

But right now Ejiro is seemingly less interested in tapping out than he is in just surviving as he keeps two hands on his neck at all times as Pretzler methodically pulls him up and off the canvas. Pushing Ejiro back into a corner Scott slowly takes aim and slams a hand home with a rib-shaking CHOP! Reeling from the force of the blow, Ejiro has no defense as Scott sends his opponent across the ring with an Irish whip and immediately follows his opponent into the corner with a hard rushing lariat across the head and neck! Slumping out of the corner, Ejiro staggers for a moment before Scott snatches him out of his daze and drives his head in between The Critic’s head. Quickly and efficiently picking Fasaki up to shoulder height, the member of Revolution ZERO simply STUFFS Ejiro into the canvas with a powerbomb! Pushing all of his weight over Ejiro’s shoulders, The Critic holds on tightly and tries to keep Fasaki down for the …

 

ONNNNNNNE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWOOOOOO!

 

 

 

 

THREEEEENOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

HE JUST GETS A SHOULDER OFF THE CANVAS!

 

Not even remotely bothered by Ejiro’s resistance, Scott pulls his dazed opponent up and off the mat and forces him into a corner where he can go back to work with a series of…

 

CHOP!

 

CHOP!

 

CHOP!

 

BAM!

 

Finally firing back, Ejiro shoots an elbow into the jaw of his tenacious foe and sends him back a step for almost a moment before Scott goes right back into the war and slaps the crap out of Ejiro’s chest!

 

CHOP!

 

BAM!

 

CHOP!

 

BAM!

 

BAM!

 

CHOP!

 

BAM!

 

BAM!

 

BAMMMMMMM!

 

Finally forcing a crack in the armor of his opponent, Ejiro knocks Pretzler into the mat with a hard elbow to the side of the head. Tired from the effort, Ejiro slumps backward into the ropes for a moment as Scott gets back up to his feet for almost a moment before Ejiro takes him down to the canvas again with a hard enziguri to the back of the head. Dropped down on his face, Scott takes a moment to rub a hand across the back of his hair and it costs him as Ejiro comes down on his neck with a hard knee drop. Trying to keep his roll of offense going, Ejiro scoops Scott off the mat and sends him into the ropes and lowers a shoulder for a backdrop but The Critic puts the breaks on in a second and immediately slaps on the side headlock for about half a second before the fierce Ejiro Fasaki elevates him off the canvas and CRUSHES him with a hard belly-to-back suplex!

 

“FINALLY countering the headlock,” calls out LDP as both men lie on the canvas for a moment in order to catch their breath. “When the pace quickens and the men trade shots, it seems to me that Ejiro Fasaki gets the better of the exchanges. Scott needs to keep things on the canvas to wear Ejiro down for the big homerun slams and submissions.”

 

“An astute observation,” admits The King of Hearts, “but it still appears to me as though Scott Pretzler is controlling the majority of the action in this contest with simple holds. Ejiro needs to sustain some sort of play if he wants to get out of this match with the win.”

 

Finally getting up to their feet at the same time, Ejiro plucks him in the face with another hard elbow and bounces Scott back a second before darting inside and setting up for an STO before Scott quickly counters with a hard elbow to the side of the neck and sends Ejiro off his attempt for a moment. Quickly driving a boot into Ejiro’s chest, Scott hooks the head for a vertical suplex but he is not in that position for long before Ejiro counters hard and SNAPS Scott down to the mat with a Fujiwara armbar and immediately locks down with…

 

“Cobra crossface! Cobra crossface!”

 

Grabbing a suddenly screaming Pretzler under the chin, Ejiro cranks back on the head as Scott immediately reaches out with his free arm for the ropes as the easiest counter to a submission hold. Finding that he can’t quite reach out that way, Scott instead uses the arm to push up on Ejiro’s grip as the former World Champion screams out like a wild man!

 

“TAP! TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!”

 

But Pretzler REFUSES TO LOSE as he continues to feel his shoulder socket being stretched in ways that nature did not intend. Ejiro simply uses his sheer anger to continue to pull on the head as Scott tries to focus his thinking through the agony and pain that he is being subjected to by The Rule. Finally… Scott puts his hand up in the air, moments away from tapping out from the pain only to feel Ejiro slacken a moment from the thought of impending victory. Quickly locking his two hands together, Scott pulls the pile to one side and holds Ejiro on his shoulders for a count of…

 

ONNNNNNNNNNNNE!

 

 

TWONOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Releasing the hold rather than risk a three count, Ejiro allows a pained Scott Pretzler to get out of the crossface and crawl to the mats as Fasaki gets up to his feet and look to the referee as though surprised Pretzler survived the hold. Rather than press the point, Ejiro puts his hands on his hips for a second as if pondering where to take the match next as Scott tests his shoulder with a few quick rotations.

 

“If there is one bright spot for the Pretzel, its that Fasaki was unable to set up for the cobra crossface properly. If Ejiro had been able to set it up with a cross arm breaker or the Fasaki fuser, Scott might have had to tap out right there.”

 

Moving back in on Scott with a hard kick to the side of the shoulder, Ejiro quickly moves in and winds the arm about with a wristlock as Pretzler shouts out in pain. But Scott does not stay there for long before he drives a knee into his foe’s chest to break the lock and forces some separation. Quickly winding up his good arm, The Critic tries to knock Ejiro out with another lariat only to have Ejiro duck inside and mash Pretzler with the…

 

SSSSSSSSSSS!

 

TEEEEEEEEE!

 

OOOOOOOOO!

 

ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!

 

 

 

TWOOOONNNNNNEOOOOOO!

 

Looking at the referee in near shock due to the ease of the kick out, Ejiro raises three fingers to the official as the crowd starts to rally behind the cagey grappler.

 

“F’EM UP FASAKI! F’EM UP FASAKI! F’EM UP FASAKI!”

 

Winding up on Pretzler’s arm again, Fasaki uses his controlling hold to pull Scott back into a corner where Ejiro can quickly hop up to the middle ropes. Holding onto the armbar still while perched on the middle turnbuckle, Ejiro looks to drive the nail in the coffin with the Tornado single-arm DDT only to have Scott quickly counter with a series of short jabs to the ribs in order to get his arm free. Then immediately pulling Ejiro’s head down a bit, The Critic unloads…

 

 

 

 

BOOOOOOOOOM!

 

 

 

“European upper knocks Ejiro clear OVER THE TOP!”

 

Knocking Ejiro backward, the European Uppercut nearly cuts The Rule in half as his back arches against the post for a second of agony before Ejiro’s feet go out from under him and the world turns upside down! Tumbling over his own body, Ejiro collides with the arena floor as Pretzler allows himself the slightest expression of sick glee. His shoulder’s moving up and down with the little disgusting joke he just perpetrated on the wrestling world as Ejiro amazingly starts to move on the hard concrete. Barely even standing the usually wily grappler makes a major mistake as he slumps close enough to the ring for Scott Pretzler to reach through the ropes and pull his opponent all the way back inside the ring. Quickly pulling Ejiro into a front face lock, Scott wrenches up on the hold for a moment in order to break any attempt at a defensive base before pulling Ejiro into the air and upside down for just a second before…

 

DOOOOOOOOM!

 

BRAINBUSTAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

Ground into the mat like a railroad spike, Ejiro Fasaki sits up strait on the mat with both hands clamped down on the back of his head as Scott Pretzler rises up behind him like some sort of sludge monster. But instead of going for a cover, Scott quickly plows into Ejiro’s back and tries to grab a hold of both of his wrists…

 

“Snowflake Clutch! It’s coming NOW!”

 

Feeling both his wrists being pulled together, Ejiro fights up to his feet immediately with the knowledge that if Scott gets him to the canvas that this match will be all over. Feeling the resistance, Pretzler jams knees into the sides of Fasaki’s ribs but Ejiro uses the lack of controlling base to pull Pretzler closer to the ropes. Knowing that affecting the clutch might now be impossible, Scott releases one wrist and quickly uses the other to spin Ejiro away and right back in for a thundering short Lariat…

 

CRAAAAACK!

 

ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

 

 

 

 

THREEEEEEEENAUGHHHHHH!!!

 

Falling down on Ejiro’s prone body, Scott jams a hand into the face of his opponent but is unable to secure that elusive count of three. Moving up to his feet in a moment The Critic pulls the former World Champion up to his feet and slams him across the chest with a savage European Uppercut and a knife-edge chop as a chaser to send Ejiro reeling backward into the ropes. Coming back at Scott, Fasaki sends a half-hearted boot at his opponent only to have Pretzler catch it in the middle of the motion. Holding the foot in the air there for a moment before tossing the leg to one side.... which is one HELL OF A MISTAKE!!!

 

DRAAAAAAGON WHIIIIIIIIIIP!

WHOOOOOSH!

 

Or is it?

 

Continuing with the spin, Ejiro tries to cut his opponent down with the dragon whip only to have Pretzler duck underneath the roundhouse kick and have Fasaki’s foot sail safely over his head! Landing on his hip, Ejiro looks about in confusion for a second before Pretzler crashes down on his head and pulls him into a guillotine choke! Holding onto the head with all he’s got, Scott forces Ejiro up into a standing position for just a second before falling backward to the mat to complete the move in its entirety.

 

“It’s over!” cackles The Suicide King as Ejiro tries to somehow kick or squirm his way out of the hold. “Scott Pretzler is going to choke him the hell out!”

 

Pushing one way and then the other, Ejiro tries to somehow release the pressure on his throat as Pretzler continues to simple pull away with his hold. Secure in the knowledge that he’s already weakened the neck, Pretzler smiles wide as he slowly but surely works his opponent into an unconscious state. Not knowing what the hell else to do, Ejiro pushes his heels over the top of the pile and into a jackknife pinning combination!

 

ONNNNNNNNE!

 

BUT PRETZLER JUST ROLLS HIM BACK OVER!

 

Ejiro settles back into his choking state as Pretzler starts a low and evil chuckle of joy over the pain he is causing. But sometimes one person’s joy can drive another to due things he shouldn’t. KNOWING he can’t legally counter the hold at the moment, Ejiro’s hands start to feel their way up and over the chin of his aggressor. Up to the ears and the mouth, the fingers finally find the home they were looking for…

 

 

DEEP IN PRETZLER’S EYE SOCKETS!

 

DIGGING his thumbs into Scott’s eye’s, Ejiro is able to pull his head free of the now shaking vice as Pretzler is suddenly far more interested in preserving his sight at Ejiro is now in a dominant position… but not letting his thumbs out of the seeping eyes of his opponent!

 

“He’s trying to BLIND him permanently!” calls out LDP as the referee physically tries to pull the maniacal Fasaki off his foe.

 

“I KNEW he still had it!” laughs the King as the crowd starts to wonder just how low Fasaki would go to win a match.

 

Finally removed from his meaty meal, Ejiro is actually thrown into the ropes by Referee Eddy Long as Pretzler self-consciously checks to see if he can still see a damn thing. But that might not be a problem for much longer as Ejiro dives on top of him and starts to blatantly choke the crap out of The Critic as the referee immediately tries to haul Ejiro away from his blinded adversary. Reeling, Pretzler rolls over to the turnbuckle and uses them to feel his way back up to his feet and blink away the tears caused by the flagrant eye gouging. Blinking quickly, Scott just makes out enough of a blur moving towards him to reach out and smash Ejiro in the chest with a boot to the chest. Wiping a hand across his eyes, Scott tries to clear his vision for another second before quickly pulling Ejiro closer to him and his head down towards the mat.

 

“Powerbomb part two!” calls out The Longdogger. “Can Ejiro survive?”

 

Blindly lifting Ejiro to his shoulders, Scott braces to send his opponent into the mat only to ONCE AGAIN get TWO THUMBS in the EYES! Falling backward in pain and agony, Scott lands flat against the canvas with Ejiro on top as the referee swoops in to find Ejiro’s hands no longer illegally occupied! But Long does find Pretzler’s shoulders on the mat!!!

 

 

ONNNNNNNNNNE!

 

 

 

TWOOOOOOOOOO!

 

 

EJIRO GRABS THE ROPES FOR LEVERAGE!

 

 

THREEEEEEEEEEE!

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

Immediately concealing the evidence and rolling out of the ring, Ejiro Fasaki puts an arm in the air as a blinded and royally PISSED Scott Pretzler thrashes about in the ring only vaguely aware of the fraud just perpetrated on him by an even lower bastard. Speaking of whom, Ejiro Fasaki immediately heads out of the ring with a hand on the back of his neck as Funyon calls out the official announcement.

 

“The winner of the match is EJIROOOO FASAKIIIIII!”

 

“I don’t even know what to say about what we’ve just seen,” says LDP. “Scott Pretzler just got screwed out of a match by some of the most nasty garbage one wrestler can do to another.”

 

“But he still lost,” snickers The King of Hearts, “and that’s what separates him from Ejiro Fasaki. Ejiro would obviously rather flout any morals he might think he has in order to win a match. I wonder what Ejiro wouldn’t do to win at this point?”

 

“What indeed.”

 

Receiving a wet towel from the referee to clear his vision, Scott Pretzler pushes the official aside and wipes some of the pain away from his ocular senses. What the hell just happened to him? And what the hell is he going to have to do to get even?

 

“What indeed.”

[Ace309 0]

You know, I hated to mark this to lose. There were, however, a few things that took away from it. The writing seemed slightly disjointed at points, whereas Pretzler's flowed really, really well. I had a hard time with the Cobra Crossface being that central and Pretzler seeming to just shrug it off.

 

While Pretzler's match featured inconsistent selling and somewhat weird action, I think it told much the same story about Ejiro's character development in a slightly better way.

 

Frankly, it's a shame you two faced off.

[Toshiaki Koala 0]

If it gives you any consolation, I literally made myself sick by working so hard on my match. You were a worthy opponent indeed.

 

Anyway, here is the Writer's Cut~! of the early portion of my match. I had to shave 215 words to make the limit, and all 215 were from the entrances and commentary. There's some wacky stuff in here. Enjoy, or whatever.

 

 

 

---

 

 

“Ladies and gentlemen… the following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL!”

 

Funyon’s booming announcement is suddenly replaced by the Seattle Symphony’s stirring rendition of Beethoven’s Ninth, drawing an instinctual negative response from the audience. The notes of the music flow in perfect harmony, each one its own personality, interacting, intertwining, making love to one another… but Scott Pretzler is oblivious to them as he steps through the curtain.

 

“Introducing first, from Toronto, Ontario, weighing two hundred twenty-six pounds… ‘THE CRITIC’ SCOTT PRRREEEETTZZLLEEEER!”

 

BOOOOOOO!

 

No, Pretzler does not even take the time to pause and absorb the boos as he usually does; he marches straight down to the ring, ascends the steps, and stands awaiting his opponent. He clenches his fists, struggling to force his rage down below the surface and into the reserve where it will later be needed. He shifts anxiously from foot to foot.

 

“You can’t blame Pretzler for feeling frustrated,” observes Longdogger Pete. “Not only did he lose his precious Cruiserweight Championship, but he was also defeated and humiliated by Lil’ Buck in the Butte Death Match last week!”

 

“Pimp cup indeed. That match was designed for Pretzler to lose,” Suicide King spits. “It doesn’t count.”

 

“Nonetheless, he appears to be losing confidence in his abilities.”

 

Pretzler walks to the side of the ring facing the entryway and pulls back on the ropes, testing their flexibility and stretching his own tightly-coiled muscles. He glares out and the stage before suddenly jumping back as it is lit up by…

 

POPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOPPOP!

 

HERE WE ARE!

BORN TO BE KINGS!

WE’RE THE PRINCES OF THE UNIVERSE!

YEAH!

 

“And his opponent, from Sarasota, Florida, weighing two hundred twenty-three pounds… EJIROOOOO FASAAAAAKIIIIIIII!”

 

The machine gun pyrotechnics burst into the air as Ejiro Fasaki jogs onto the ramp in his Number 04 football jersey, drawing a somewhat mixed reaction. Some cheer…

 

YEEEAAAHHH!

 

…While others take part in the familiar chant, one Fasaki has grown most tired of hearing:

 

F-U FASAKI!

F-U FASAKI!

 

On his way down to the ring, Fasaki gestures wildly to the crowd, hopping up and down and throwing up his hands, trying to swing the audience in his favor. He slaps hands with the front row on either side of the ramp, and the cheers gradually begin to overpower the negative heat. He leaps onto the apron, spins to face outward, and snaps off a military-style salute; climbing to the middle rope, he again raises his arm into the air before jumping into the ring. He strips off his jersey and tosses it to the timekeeper.

 

“Fasaki has fared considerably better in recent weeks than his opponent,” notes Pete. “In fact, he has yet to suffer defeat since making his return to the SWF.”

 

“Then it will be all the more crushing when he does so tonight. What I don’t understand is why he’s chosen to betray his nature. He used to be such a great competitor, with such a unique approach to winning… now he’s given it up to be like everybody else. Sad.”

 

“Nonetheless, ‘Rule’ is well on his way to becoming a bona-fide legend here in the SWF. A victory over such a man would be an enormous boost for Pretzler’s career.”

 

Pretzler checks to make sure that his knee pads are secure, and Fasaki does the same; both men then jump immediately into a collar-and-elbow tieup.

 

*DING DING DING!*

[Guest Goodear]

The writing seemed slightly disjointed at points, whereas Pretzler's flowed really, really well. I had a hard time with the Cobra Crossface being that central and Pretzler seeming to just shrug it off.

 

Yes well the reason ole Pretzel man was able to shrug it off was because Ejiro didn't do a damn thing to work over the arm to set up the hold and such. Quite frankly it was supposed to be an 'oh shit... nothings working' moment but thats my bad for not writing well enough.

 

While Pretzler's match featured inconsistent selling and somewhat weird action, I think it told much the same story about Ejiro's character development in a slightly better way.

 

Eye gougy is GOOD! THUMBS IN THE EYEEEEEEE!

[Ace309 0]

You're also fat.

[Guest Goodear]

I've been working out and therefor under 220 pounds... which is light... for me. I'M BUILT LIKE A TRUCK!

[Secret Agent 0]

Like a rock, eh?

[Ace309 0]

You're also fat.

[JJ Johnson 0]

Yeah. Fatty.