Deep Thoughts By Jack Handy

[Vyce]

If you call cowardness as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Braveman, I guess I am a coward.

 

 

I'm telling you, just attach a big parachute to the plane itself!  Is anyone listening to me?!

[Lando Griffin]

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

 

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

[MrRant]

We need more Deep Thoughts.

[Man Who Sold The World]

I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy---something like that.

[Molotov The Bear]

Fear can sometimes be a useful emotion. For instance, let's say you're an astronaut on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man."

[k thx]

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

[yankovic fan]

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.