Funny Drunk/High/Drugged Up Stories

[Special K 0]

Sadly, that cracked out bj? Would've been my first one.

[Special K 0]

I thought no one be able to beat that. That's really tame. Come on guys, I've got my dick in my hand and no one's coming though. I only masturbate to sorrow. Good times.

[BruiserKC 0]

Special K...that was extremely disturbing...excuse me for a moment.

 

OK...now let's bust out with a bit of divine intervention here...best way I can describe it.

 

Last Saturday I go out with some friends of mine...gotta forget that Iowa got punked by Michigan (DAMN YOU KIRK FERENTZ FOR NOT GOING FOR THE TOUCHDOWN IN REGULATION! DAMN YOU TO HELL!) We get to our regular hang-out...see a couple of my female friends out together dancing and getting men to do almost anything they wanted them to do. I say hi to them...get a hug from each of them and then we pretty much go off to our corner and they are out in the middle of the dance floor.

 

Couple of guys are giving them quite a bit of attention...and all four of them are out grinding on the dance floor. Few drinks later I start over that way to see what's going on...apparently the guys want to take my friends home for some hot-tubbing. They head to the bathroom and I go in there about a minute later...call it my Spidey-sense but something didn't seem right. The guys are holding each other's hair back and are basically puking their guts out...clearly too much to drink and they can barely stand. I do my biz, and out the door I go over to my dancing friends.

 

I wave to the pool tables where the rest of our peeps are...they come over and I tell the ladies, "After what I saw with your boytoys in the bathroom...I'll be DAMNED if you go with them. I'll take ya home if you need a ride." Maria and Victoria (not worried about protecting their identity) look at me as if I'm out of my mind. I tell them that I just saw them upchucking their evening of booze and there is no way I can let them drive them home when they can barely remove themselves from the toilet. Maria gets it...Victoria is still bitching and wants to go with them. Our Puke Daddies come out of the bathroom by now and are apparently ready to go and think we're muscling in on their turf.

 

I tell one of them, "Listen, Sparky...I have no problem if they want to go with you...but you two are too fucking drunk to drive. I'll be happy to follow you guys and they can ride with us...we'll drop them off where they need to go but I'm not letting my friends ride with you when you could set off a Breathalyzer 50 feet away!" The other long-haired freak of the two clearly looks like he wants to fight...but with about five of us ready to take his head off (minus my two amigas) he thinks otherwise. They end up storming out the door, pushing a guy on the way out the door. We stay another half hour or so and then off we go for home.

 

On the way home, we drive by an accident...a SUV basically wrapped around a telephone pole. We stop for a second...lo and behold it's our alcoholic swingers. One of them is unconscious, the other has his face caked in blood. The back seat is completely smashed in...where my friends no doubt would have sat. Maria starts crying, and Victoria only says to me, "Damn...I've known you a long time I really need to trust your judgment."

[The Czech Republic 0]

If you had beaten up the drunks, then come to their aid in the car accident only to kick their asses again, and then have a 3-way with the two girls, this would've been a JaxlMorrison post.

[Special K 0]

My stories are the funniest.