King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted December 4, 2005 (edited) Backstage we SWOOP~ to The Usual Suspects' locker room, where the OAOAST World Tag Team Champions are relaxing and enjoying a rare night off. The cosy couple, Candie and Zack, sit on a bench at the back of the room, arm in arm, like sappy couples do. Leon meanwhile tries to block out the searing, sickly pain by getting in a quick game on his PSP. The blissful bliss is short lived though, as a knock on the door is followed seconds later by the former X-Division Champion, Peter Knight, entering the ring. KNIGHT You wanted a word with me? Zack looks up and looks relieved to see PK, as he stands up to meet him. ZACK Yeah, we did. Listen, last week, me and Leon were a little bit sceptical and I don't mind admitting that to you. In recent weeks, you've been...different. With Parka. And there was the deal with The GPX a few weeks ago. Look, what I'm trying to say is, I trust you. I might have seemed weird last week, but hopefully, next week we can go out there as a real trio and make sure we qualify for the final. We know what it's like to lose titles and we know you were in a foul mood, but we're on your side. Just remember that and we'll be fine. KNIGHT Right. Listen, if you're trying to offer me counselling or something, I don't need it. All I need right now is some gold back around my waist. If it happens to be 6-Man Tag Titles with you guys, so be it. ZACK Right. Good to hear. Suddenly, Zack suddenly has to duck, sharpish, as a pair of headphones hurtle across the room and slam into the wall beside The Franchise. LEON God, damn it! How the hell do these Mexicans get so good!?! Hell, how the hell do they get PSPs in the first place!?! Curse you, WiFi! *glances around* Oh, hey PK. Match time already? How long was I on this thing? Man, the adverts are right, once you pop, you really can't stop. ZACK No, Peter's ju... LEON Oh no, wait, that's Pringles. Actually, now that I mention it, I'm glad you're here PeeKster, because judging by the clock on my state of the art PSP, you're right on time. Not that I want to steal your thunder, Candie, but you're not the only one around here with bombshells to drop. And what I mean by that is, I've got an announcement to make. Peter, Zack, camera-man hidden behind that potplant in the corner...it's my pleasure to tell you all...I'M THE FATHER OF CANDIE'S BABY! ZACK :O KNIGHT :O CANDIE :O [IMG=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v35/eyeball_kid/omg.jpg] RODEZ ...KIDDING! No, unfortunately, due to my winkwink, nudgenudge, snipsnip, if I were to have sex with Candie there'd be absolutely no physical evidence whatsoever. Well...not anything growing inside her, anyway. A deep growl fills the room, as Candie glares a hole through Rodez. RODEZ But, my announcement is related to that. Vaguely. Seeing as you're the closest thing to family that I have in the OAOAST, I wanted you to be the first to know... ZACK What about your sister? RODEZ Huh? Oh, yeah, her. *slaps forehead* Ah well, she'll probably hear about it eventually. Anyway, on with the announcement. You know, being an ex-pornstar isn't all it's cracked up to be. Certain women consider it a 'reputation'. Ironic, considering half of them actually own one of my videos. But hey, bitches be trippin'. You might have noticed I haven't really had any lady friends around recently. Sure, I've had sex. And, HOW! Like, that one time when we were in Miami? Ho, boy, everything they say about models being desperate to be noticed? All. True. There was this one named 'Ferrari'. Cute name. She went like one two, if you catch my drif... CANDIE Do we really need to hear about this? RODEZ Oh, sorry. Carried away for a moment. Anyway, what I'm getting to is, there hasn't been anything you'd call 'serious'. Being a wrestler sucks when it comes to relationships. On the road 24/7, away from your family. That's why it's best to knock up one of your valets first chance to get, eh Zackster? The deep growl fills the room again. RODEZ But, that's all changed, because I've met someone. She's hot, energetic, charismatic. And, she's standing right behind that door... ... Eventually, Zack gets the picture and asks if he should open the door, which apparantly he should. So, with a shrug, Zack walks across the room towards the door. Already, the smile on Rodez's face is a mile wide, as Zack turns the door handle slowly, creating a little dramatic build-up, before opening the door, to reveal...A WATER COOLER~! WATER COOLER *bubbles* CANDIE She's charismatic alright. KNIGHT Hey, how come that wasn't there when I walked in? RODEZ It is not for us to ask questions, my child. No, no, that's not her, obviously. I'm not even sure if inanimate objects CAN be shes. But, that's neither here nor there. The clock on my state of the art, gaming system, the Playstation Portable, available in stores nationwide, must be a little slow, that's all. Rodez curiously leaves the locker room and glances around the hallway outside. To be honest, the threesome behind him could probably care less if it WAS the water cooler. But, they continue to wait and watch, if only to humour Rodez. Eventually, he does return though, apparantly dragging someone by the arm. RODEZ Lady and gentlemen, I give to you my girlfriend...ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! ZACK Oh...God. ALIX [i]I met him in the Shack down in Grand Rapids Where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola! C - O - L - A, CO - LA! He walked up to me and he asked me to dance I asked him his name and in a dark brown voice, he said Leon! L - O - L - A, LE - ON! Lee lee lee lee Lola![/i] Cue AIRGUITAR~! from Alix, to rapturous applause from Lol...I mean, Leon...and mass confusion from Knight, Zack and Candie. Zack's jaw is almost on the floor infact. KNIGHT Ok then. You know, I'd love to stay and have to deal with the migrane I feel coming on, but I got a meeting with someone. See you guys next week. Knight leaves just as Alix finishes up the Garcia-esque solo. ALIX Bye, Big Kev! Say hi to Scott while you're out! Tell him Krista said thanks for letting her borrow his gimmick! Wow! Wasn't my song good, wasn't that great? Huh? Wasn't it? Do I smell Grammy? No, Candie just cut the cheese. Very unladylike Mademosielle..uh do you even have a last name? I know it's not Malibu, because there ain't no ring on your finger. What's up with that, Zack Attack? Not marriage material,eh. I don't blame ya. I'm marriage material. I'm a keeper! My shirt even says so. Actually it says "Yes, they're real." The doctor assured me this was real silicone. Candie's shirt says "I'm a stank ass diseased little whore princess who was cheating on you with Drek Stone until he got smart and left the company, now I'm stuck with your no good played out ass and I have to pretend that his kid is yours. XOXO Candie." Actually it doesn't say that, because all that wouldn't fit on a shirt. But that's what's implied. Get a DNA test, Zackie, because this chick packs more nuts then Planters. What about my song? Didn't I sound awesome? Didn't I totally put the entire US Billboard chart to shame? RODEZ Yeah, you looked great. So, who's going to be first to congratulate us? Leon turns around and for the first time, sees the looks of shock and horror on his friends faces. But he mistakes it for them just being overwhelmed and doesn't give it a second thought. Instead, he continues to wait for congratulations. He might be waiting a while though. ZACK Her? RODEZ Yeah! ZACK You're dating...HER? RODEZ Yeah! ZACK Oh, no. No no no no. No. This is all a horrible, horrible dream. RODEZ Yes, I know it all seems like a dream. But quit pinching yourself buddy, because it's true! Me and Alix are an item. A hot, sweaty, item. And the best thing is, she has a 'Z' in her name! So we can consider renaming ourselves The Z Squad a little more seriously. Of course, that'd mean you dumping Candie. But we all have to make sacrifices in life, don't we? Horrified, Zack sits down next to Candie, in need of reassurance that his brain isn't melting. ALIX Zackie, aren't you going to sing to me? I sung for you. Though, not specifically for you. The thought was there though, honest. Z - A - C - K ZA - ACK! There. Are you happy now? Aren't you going to sing? SINCE U'VE BEEN GONE, I CAN BREATHE FOR THE FIRST TIME! BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAAAAH! *wipes a tear away* Such an emotional song. Those lyrics speak to me in a deep and meaningful way. I can certainly see why she won such a prestigious, made for TV talent show. I won a talent show once. Well, technically, I didn't 'win' win. But personally, I think if you're determined enough to ignore that fact the building is on fire because you dropped one of your flaming juggling clubs and steal the trophy while everyone was running around screaming, then that makes you a winner. Why don't you stalk me anymore, Zack? You used to enjoy it so much. Am I not good enough anymore? Have you found a new iconity of womanhood to lust over? Are you going to name your kid Kelly instead of Alix Maria Spezia The Second now? Bummer. It's good that we can pretend all those times you tried to cripple me never happened, dontcha think? I do. Hey, this is kinda like The Breakfast Club with all these people here. Now that we're all friends, you and Krista can swap parenting tips. You could even swap children! I doubt Krista would mind. She tried swapping her's for a roll-on deodorant last week, but WalMart said they wouldn't take part-exchange. ZACK AAAAAAH! RODEZ (whispering) [i]Don't worry, you'll get used to it...[/i] ZACK I don't WANT to get used to it! I want her out of here! OUT OUT OUT! ALIX Ooh, that reminds me, I have a match tonight! Lee-lee, do you wanna walk me to the curtains that may or may not be sliding doors? I forget which. RODEZ Sure thing. Hey, maybe we'll find a broom cupboard on the way, eh? ALIX Hmm...would me using a broom as a weapon be sexist? Krista says I already set women's lib back 40 years as it is. I wouldn't want to annoy the butch lesbians of the world anymore. They wear Doc Martens. Which hurt. RODEZ No, I meant...*whispers in Alix's ear* ALIX *smiles* Ooooohhhh. That sounds fun too. Although, I don't know if a broom would fit that far. Zack cringes. ALIX No harm in trying I guess. Toodles Zack! Toodles Candie! Toodles as-yet-unnamed fetus! With a quick peck on the cheek, Rodez and Alix lock arms and skip off like something out of a Wizard Of Oz hallucination. The room is finally peaceful again as they leave, allowing Zack to take a deep sigh and collapse next to Candie again in despair. CANDIE I think I preferred the water cooler. Edited December 6, 2005 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted December 4, 2005 Patty, I know I haven't run this one past you for approval unlike last week...so, if you read this and feel like editing Alix's parts at all, then feel free. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zack Malibu 0 Report post Posted December 4, 2005 Just make sure Candie's not at ringside for anything, as the pre-taped promo I wrote explains that Zack doesn't want her at ringside for fear of her safety as well as the baby's. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted December 4, 2005 No problemmo! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 5, 2005 Patty, I know I haven't run this one past you for approval unlike last week...so, if you read this and feel like editing Alix's parts at all, then feel free. Anything I could add would simply disrupt the awesomeness of the segment. Good job! Just make sure Candie's not at ringside for anything, as the pre-taped promo I wrote explains that Zack doesn't want her at ringside for fear of her safety as well as the baby's. As for you, Christopher, what on earth are you talking about? Why don't you take your extensive vocabulary of homophobic slurs elsewhere and get out of my thread. Hmmmm? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KingPK 0 Report post Posted December 6, 2005 (edited) I just did a tiny, tiny edit with PK making his exit after Alix's entrance, saying that he has a meeting. The meeting would be with Calvin where the Climax match is made. I'm thinking this leads to Knight not having his head totally into the match next week, leading to the team losing. Edited December 6, 2005 by KingPK Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 6, 2005 I lied. I added something Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 6, 2005 I like chapstick. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 7, 2005 I can't be the only one with an affinity for a fine lip balm. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
