Vin Diesel facts

[Lil' Bitch 0]

During a stay at Neverland Ranch in the 80's, Vin Diesel was awoken by Michael Jackson who was trying to sneak into his bed. Vin punched Jackson so hard that he knocked the black right off of him.

 

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

 

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

 

Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

 

Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

 

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

 

There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.

 

If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."

 

Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North; They point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Arctic researchers.

 

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

 

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

 

Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of ‘Where's Waldo Now?’, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT! They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!” The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been referred to as Christmas.

 

Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.

 

Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

 

Vin Diesel has two speeds: Walk and kill.

 

When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

 

Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

 

When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

 

If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever. It would sweep the Grammy’s. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied, "because Grammy’s are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

 

Vin Diesel played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

 

Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

 

Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a horse," after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

 

In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

 

Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

 

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

 

Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

 

Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of him to grow.

 

You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

 

When Vin Diesel does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up; He's pushing the Earth down.

 

Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

 

The main export of Vin Diesel is pain.

[Damaramu 0]

Why did you post this? We all know Chuck Norris can kick Vin Diesel's ass.

[Art Sandusky 0]

Psh, whatever. Vin Diesel brings the edgy, extreme demographic.

[Guest wildpegasus]

WP has never watched a Vin Diesil movie is his life not because he doesn't like him but because he can't betray Sylvester Stallone.

 

Oh my, I just got a good idea for a thread. WP facts.

[Ravenbomb 0]

WildPegasus taught Bruce Lee everything he knew...then he killed him because he knew too much...

[Black Lushus 0]

somehow, this just isn't as funny as the Chuck facts.

[haws bah gawd 0]

Maybe its because these are mostly the same jokes with a different name in them?

[2GOLD 0]

somehow, this just isn't as funny as the Chuck facts.

 

Because you are a big fan of the movie, "The Pacifier", and still don't understand the greatest of "Missing in Action III"!

[Black Lushus 0]

Maybe its because these are mostly the same jokes with a different name in them?

 

you could be right...still, even if I saw the Vin Diesel jokes first, picturing Chuck actually doing all those things is very humerous as opposed to Diesel.

 

2Gold, you know, the only film from Vin Diesel's category I like is "Pitch Black"..."Saving Private Ryan" is great, but he gets offed first so I don't include that.

[2GOLD 0]

Same here, although I found "The Pacifier" to be harmless family fun.

But he was awesome in "Pitch Black". That is totally his "Phantoms".

Don't get me started on that piece of shit "Fast and the Furious" or "Chronicles of Riddick".

 

Granted, he did do a good job voicing the big ass robot in "Iron Giant".

[Black Lushus 0]

looked at his credits on imdb.com...WTF is "Into Pitch Black"? looks like some sort of prequel to Pitch Black, came out the same year, it's an hour long.

 

I forgot he was in "Boiler Room", that was a pretty decent flick.

 

I haven't seen "A Man Apart"...I have seen "Knockaround Guys", pretty horrible flick.

[2GOLD 0]

looked at his credits on imdb.com...WTF is "Into Pitch Black"? looks like some sort of prequel to Pitch Black, came out the same year, it's an hour long.

 

I forgot he was in "Boiler Room", that was a pretty decent flick.

 

I haven't seen "A Man Apart"...I have seen "Knockaround Guys", pretty horrible flick.

 

"Knockaround Guys" is a movie that made me fall asleep in the theater because nothing really fucking happens. Everytime you THINK something is about to happen, it cuts to another boring part where NOTHING happens.

 

I gotta see "A Man Apart" and his part in "Boiler Room" was almost as small as his part in "Saving Private Ryan" if I remember currently.

 

And Vin isn't in "Into Pitch Black", they just use his voice and lines from "Pitch Black" and a stunt double. Avoid it if you find it.

[dubq 0]

Psh, whatever. Vin Diesel brings the edgy, extreme demographic.

 

Don't you mean the annoying fuckhead gino demographic?

[Art Sandusky 0]

Don't make me base climb off your face, fag.

[dubq 0]

Whatever the fuck that means, guy-who-listens-to-Kylie-Minogue.

Edited December 28, 2005 by vivisectvi