PROMO: Aftershoxxxxx

[King Cucaracha 0]

In the lavish Honeymoon Suite of the Hotel, new SWF World Heavyweight Champion Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix is clearly having an easy time of it, unlike others who've been roped into showing up at Aftershoxx. Let alone those that have to wrestle. Champ's perks, I guess. Laid back on the king sized hotel bed, worryingly wearing just a towel, Landon reaches across to his bedside cabinet and grabs a strawberry from the stacked bowl beside him, not taking his eyes off the TV screen for a second.

 

"Oh, Dr. Cox, you are a bitch!"

 

Just now realising that there's a camera in his hotel room (either Landon is very dumb, or a half decent actor), Landon rolls off of the bed. Thankfully, he preserves his modesty, although to be honest it's not very modest to cut a promo while wearing a towel. Then again, when you're the champ, you set your own trends.

 

"Hi Amy. Recognise these?" smiles Landon, pointing down to his washboard abs. "Sorry I couldn't be there tonight, but I'm getting in a little rest and relaxation after Battleground here at this ridiculously expensive and, might I add, rather exclusive hotel. But, despite the plush furnishings, the complimentary chocolates on the pillow and the...other 'distractions' of these hotels, I couldn't help thinking I owed you an explanation."

 

Landon sits himself back down on the bed, which is presumably a waterbed judging by how far it sinks down. And thankfully, Landon's wearing underwear, so the up-towel view isn't quite so horrific as he folds one leg over the other.

 

"So...well, where do I start? You know how it goes Amy." shrugs a noticeably unsincere Maddix. "It's like that song they keep playing on the radio where you come from...Boys Will Be Boys. From the moment you came to the SWF, you were determined not to be another 'diva'. You wanted to be seen as an athlete, not a pair of breasts on a body. And, obviously, you've got an inferiority complex about guys because all you've been doing since you arrived is trying to prove you're better than any man walking. Must be a family thing, huh? One could say you were over-wary of the guys in the back. But you dropped your guard just for that split second and BAM!, I moved in for the kill. Now, I hardly blame you for falling for me, but surely you didn't think it was anymore than a bit of fun? Surely not, Amy. Because that'd mean you being outsmarted by a guy and that just can't be, now can it?"

 

The sneer on Landon's face eventually disappears.

 

"Now, don't get me wrong, this wasn't all some calculated plan to humilate you or anything so sinister, that's not my style. There was something there. An attraction...a spark, I guess. But Amy, you were destined to be nothing more than a silver medal so long as Megan still existed within God's green Earth. If your brother were around, he'd have told you himself. Me and Megan, we've got some history, see. We had a falling out, sure...but the moment we patched up our differences, everything changed. Do I feel guilty about what happened? Maybe. A little."

 

Standing himself up, Landon folds his arms and tries to look authoritive, despite the fact he's cutting a promo while wearing a towel.

 

"But Amy, deep down, you knew what this was. All it was was a little bit of fun, some casual sex and a way of riling up your brother to get him to bring his Limey, punk rock, lesbian resembling ass back to the SWF. And guess what, it didn't work. So, we move on. Boys Will Be Boys. And boys being boys, I move on to someone else...someone I'm more suited to. Someone I'm more compatable with. My GOLD medal. No offence Amy, we had some good times and you served your purpose, but I'm sure you'll get over it and find someone else to shack up with. Hell, you and Bruce have that 'love/hate' tension going on, maybe he'll find a space in his trailer for you to get your thing going? Or, then again, there's Sean Davis. He misses Toxxic quite some bit apparantely, so maybe if you dress up like him he'll jump your bones. Shouldn't be hard. He looks enough like a woman as it is, if you catch my dri..."

 

"Baby, did you find it?"

 

Landon pauses and turns to the closed door at the back of his room where the familiar female voice had eminated from. Slowly, the door opens with a sea of steam flooding out and the sound of his en-suite shower powering away in the background. Once the steam clears, Megan Skye emerges from the bathroom, clad in only a tight fitting pink towel (why Landon has pink towels is a good question for another day) with her hair dripping wet and a cheeky grin on her face.

 

"Oh, there it is." Megan smiles as she reaches to the side of the bed and picks up the champagne bucket, rattling around the ice in it. "Cutting a promo, are we?"

 

"Yep."

 

"Did you get to the part where you tell them you spit hot fire yet?"

 

"I was just getting to that bit." Landon smirks. "No, actually, I was addressing 'Hardcore Amy'."

 

Megan smiles again as she closes the door leading to the en-suite behind her, looking decidedly better in a towel than Landon...well, than Landon ever could.

 

"Hardcore Amy, huh?"

 

"Oh yeah." smirks Landon again.

 

"'Hardcore Amy'." Megan repeats, with a fair bit of disgust in her voice. "Well, Amy, anything you can do I can do just as well...but, maybe we shouldn't go into too many details about that right now." Megan says cheekily as she winks at Landon. "You know, maybe seeing as this is a 'promo' and all, we should talk business. I don't know, I haven't done this for quite a while you see. I doubt you realise it, but once upon a time I used to know my way around a wrestling ring and be quite comfortable in front of a camera."

 

"I bet you were."

 

Megan playfully punches Landon on the arm.

 

"We used to have this little thing called 'The SWF Women's Championship'. Didn't really catch on, but at one time I owned that belt. You might have thought that Battleground was going to be your personal little playground on Sunday but Amy, you made one fatal mistake. You underestimated me. You made the same mistake Todd did. I mean, if he'd have known how easily I could have 'earned' him a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship he'd be kicking himself right now. One contract renewal and Landon's back at the top of the card. And Amy, I'm not just brains. I'm not just a pretty face. You didn't even give a second thought that maybe, believe it or not, I'm not a complete stranger to professional wrestling. I've been trained by the best..."

 

Behind Megan, Landon raises his hand, pointing proudly to himself.

 

"...and I've been in this business for years. Years. You're a tough gal by all accounts and I'm sure you had visions of tearing my pretty little face apart at the PPV, getting revenge for stealing your fuck buddy from under your nose. I mean, I'm just some blonde bimbo, right? Am I six foot whatever like Bruce Blank? No. Am I two, three hundred pounds like him? No. Am I as fast or as athletic as Zyon? No. But Amy, one thing I most certainly am is smarter than you, 'ya get me'?"

 

"Shame it wasn't a spelling bee, you'd have really wiped the floor with her." Landon jokes from the background.

 

"True, true. But then again, we wiped the floor with her anyway." Megan shrugs.

 

The dynamic duo share a hearty laugh, Megan flicking her hair from her eyes without realising she's also potentially blinding Maddix with shampoo. Megan then walks herself around the bed, Maddix watching her carefully (as any red-blooded man would) as she retrieves the World Heavyweight Title from beside the bed.

 

"Speaking of which."

 

"Oh, well, you know me. I hate to gloat." smirks Landon, accepting the title and throwing it over his bare shoulder. "But, seeing as we're here. You know, there were a lot of people who were doubting me leading up to Battleground. A lot. 'Oh, why is HE challenging for the title' they cried, 'what has HE done to deserve it?'. 'What kind of a Champion would he make?'. Your answer is right here people...a damn good one. Fifteen long months after I lost possession of this belt and it took just one match to prove I've still got it. One match to shut up all my critics who apparantly forgot that I've won everything there is to win in this company. Well...not the Hardcore and Cruiserweight Titles...but, you know, all the important things."

 

Megan laughs heartily.

 

"JJ, you put up a good fight as I knew you would. Unfortunately it wasn't quite good enough, but it was a good effort. And there's no hard feelings on my end. So, I'm glad you've got your Tag Team Title to console yourself with. Good luck with that."

 

Flashing an insincere thumbs up to the camera, Maddix gives the cheesiest grin in his repetoire.

 

"And now, the hunt begins. Everybody's jumping on the bandwagon, wanting to be the man to challenge this 'undeserving' World Champion. I expected sour grapes, but I honestly didn't expect them from you Jay Hawke. You, of all people. A guy I considered an ally...a guy I held the World Tag Team Titles with once upon a time. Jay, a word of advice. Sour grapes doesn't suit you. If you wanted a title shot, all you had to do was ask. Of course, you'd have to wait in line while you prove yourself, but I'd certainly take your request under some advisement for old time's sake."

 

Maddix adjusts his title, then his towel.

 

"So, that's that out of the way. First promo as Champ. Again, I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you all tonight but to be honest I'm really enjoying these champion's privledges I'm recieving. I would say that you understand...but, of course, none of you do. So, me and Megan have got a shower to finish so I'm gonna wrap this up now. Landon Maddix, your World Champion, signing off."

 

Another shared laugh from the towel clad twosome signals promo over and the fact the camera abruptly blacks out signals something goin' down! Hey, Champ's perks, eh?

[Toxxic 0]

Lesbian-resembling?

 

Right, for that if nothing else, your arse is mine on Wednesday.

 

...in a manner of speaking.

 

*ahem*

 

Anyway, great heel promo, managing to insult as many people as possible. One question though - what the hell is 'Boys Will Be Boys'? Don't tell me it's something like the Arctic Monkeys or whatever shite we have these days.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Even worse. Ordinary Boys...you know Preston who was in Big Brother and he's dating Chantelle? His band.

 

How do you not KNOW this? It was played all the time when BB ended.

[Toxxic 0]

a) I don't watch Big Brother, celebrity version or not (although I might watch the next one if my mate gets on it).

b) I don't listen to the radio.

[Angel_Grace_Blue 0]

Toxxic is Amish, except for when he cheats by using computers and the internet. And other forms of electricity.

[Toxxic 0]

Not at all, Drea. It's just there's fuck all on the radio worth listening to, if we discount BBC Radio 4.