Smarkdown comments!

[chirs3 0]

Even so. Tons and tons of quality promos tonight. Excellent work.

 

And I eagerly anticipate our two missing matches.

[JJ Johnson 0]

Tom's promos were brilliant. More in-depth comments later, I promise.

[Bruce Blank 0]

Not SUPER heavy on action today - although we can still pin our hopes on Flesher/Landon and the opening tag match

 

Rageheart / Wildchild had potential but just felt a bit short I guess.

 

And who here wishes they had written for Cardboard Comet now? (Raises hand)

 

The Flesher promos were excellent and another JJJ return signals that we're apparently getting close to a PPV.

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

Well, I didn't show, so I reckon that commenting on the show is the least I could do:

 

You can barely make it out from reading the show, but I think that somebody may have had a birthday recently... If Matheson got a sheet cake for Flesher, I have to presume that Grappler is in on the plot. Tom plays mind games with Grendel, and mind games from Flesher are always good!

 

JJ Johnson returns from watching cartoons with his nieces and nephews, and is uncharacteristically loquacious. Toxxic comes out to shut him up, and they start to reminisce about the good ol' days of R-0. I start to wonder whether they plan to rip off WWE and do a revival, until J³ gets to the point and demands a title shot. Toxxic starts to decline, and the commish is out to make the match. Stephens says that he thinks Va'aiga deserves a shot first, and the truth hurts... Toxxic, as J³ knocks him on his ass with an elbow. My gut says a triple threat is in the works, and I reckon I could live with that.

 

Bruce and Wayne are late to the show, and had to hitch a ride with some Spaceballs at that. Bruce seems to be despondent, indignant, and generally pissed off at losing to Toxxic... (and if you think that he's bent out of shape now, just wait until *I* kick his ass... ) Bruce goes off to drown his sorrows with Larry the Cable Jedi, while it appears that Wayne is about to be eaten. And you hate to see that...

 

The opening match hasn't been posted yet, so we're back to more of Bruce and Larry's Excellent Adventure! Anakin Skywalker makes a cameo appearance and pitches a fit when he can't get a ketchup bottle open; he decides to take his revenge with a lightsaber... hilarity ensues... Wayne, who is miraculously not eaten, returns and announces to Bruce that he's been booked to vie for the International Title. Bruce looks remarkably displeased.

 

Back to the Tom Flesher show, and he gets a few laughs at Grendel's expense, doing his best PTI impersonation with a head on a stick. He's is rudely interrupted, however, by a delivery man who arrives with a cake; Tom, still paranoid about being suplex through said cake, kicks it into the delivery man's face, only to discover that it was sent by his oversexed moll.

 

Next, we find Van Siclen in Joe Peters' office; Van Siclen seems a mite perturbed over having to fight Cardboard Cutout... He reminds Peters that he owns him, because apparently that's all he does these days... Then, just to upstage Peters, Van Siclen goes out and sells for the cardboard, before winning the grueling match with the Riot Act.

 

Back to Bruce, who is apparently hanging out behind the building, smoking a square while he kicks the bobo with Chewbacca. I'm guessing that Bruce's mother's third husband (Wayne's daddy, perhaps?) may have been part-Wookie, since Bruce seems to be able to understand him pretty well. On second thought, Wayne apparently can't understand Wookie, so maybe it was Bruce's daddy... Chewbacca directs Bruce to a bar, and off he goes.

 

Hot damn! We've got an actual match... and it only took thirteen posts... Austin appears to be holding his own against Manson... but I should have known better; all the Jedi shit their pants as Manson breaks out the Force Lightning toasts Sly for a few seconds before putting him out of his misery with MANSONOSITY!

 

Bruce has made it to the bar, and it turns out that he's been scouted by Palpatine. The "Chancellor" offers him power and all that, if he'll just kill Anakin; Bruce appears set to ink the deal, but wants to know what Sidious can do to help him win the IN title... Sidious pulls out the Cliché playbook, and that doesn't sit well with Bruce; he leaves the bar, but not before sticking Palpatine with the check!

 

WC and Rageheart are up next. Wildchild is off to a good start, until Scott turns the tables with a Greco-Roman thumb to the eye... Rageheart pounds WC's spine into jelly and then goes for... *dramatic pause* ... a resthold. But, at least it's not a bearhug, right? Rageheart finally lets up on the Camel Clutch to go for a stalling suplex instead. And, even after pretty much dominating the match, Scott still tries to CHEAT TO WIN~! WC starts to hulk up after kicking out of the rollup, before he remembers that he's supposed to sell the back. Rageheart counters Presumed Guilty with brute strength. WC with an innovative Superplex counter that I'll have to work into my repertoire. Tornado DDT on the outside leads to a near countout win for WC. Cutter only gets two. FSP misses, leading to a Tiger Driver for a clean Rageheart win. Hardly Dace's best work, but I don't really feel like I have the right to criticize when I didn't even show, so I'll shut up now.

 

This show has gone too long without some Taamo, so thankfully he's back. He's still worried about getting suplexed into a sheet cake, but Matheson assures him that he's got nothing to worry about. He appears to be heading towards the ring, but he must have gotten lost on the way, as there's no match to report.

 

Bruce continues to drown his sorrows in an adult beverage, when he gets a pep talk from Yoda of all people. There is what is essentially a soliloquy by Bruce, where he resolves that he will not allow himself to be defined by the Hardcore Title, or something to that effect.

 

Michael Cross has interview time, and hot damn, have we become the WWE tonight? Is this Smarkdown or RAW? Anyway... Cross blames Kaibatsu for something vague, and pretty much accuses him of ruining their friendship. He declares himself the top Cruiserweight wrestler, which I suppose having the World Cruiserweight Championship means he is... Cross plays Jan Ken Po, and it turns out that Iron beats Wind. Cross appears to throw his hat in the IN Title mix as he heads out to his match... Cross slaps Zyon around like a little girl until the little boy with a girl's name comes in to make the save.

 

The show's winding down, but we can't go out without some more Flesher, so Judge brings him by a birthday cupcake... only to be the one who finally gets him; it wasn't a suplex, but it was a sufficient payoff to a night-long running gag... Meanwhile, down the hall, Joe Peters has a BRILLIANT~! idea: since Toxxic and Landon refuse to fight each other again, he'll make them tag team partners! It'll be great!

 

And, as we close the show, J³ rips off Scott Pretzler by beating up Yoda. Only, this time, "It was a screwjob!" has been replaced by "Fuckin' spot monkeys."

 

Not enough wrestling for my taste, but it was good for what it was.

[Chuck Woolery 0]

if i hadn't been so obnoxiously out of it last night i would've written a better match... i really wanted to do more with the jedi council controlling the cardboard comet and fucking with van siclen but alas, my attention span has shrunk to the size...

 

oh wow, the world series of pop culture is on.

[super_tigris 0]

Unfortunate would be the way I'd describe last night. Not only did the match end up slightly less than what I wanted (from a standpoint, this works perfectly for the angle we've got going, but I know you guys, the readers, wanted more). It's also awful that the tag team that I brought in is now on their second no-show. Posnco had a ton of work, so the match duties went to Hawk, who, for his second consecutive time, failed to deliver. No biggie, I just hope he manages the show from now on.

 

Anyways, I haven't read the whole show yet, just thought I'd rattle off that bit of information as to why the match wasn't competitive/full-length.

[Toxxic 0]

What the hell is a sheet cake?

[Ace309 0]

It's a large, squarish cake, of the sort used to serve large numbers of people. If you've ever seen any old-school throw-someone-through-a-big-cake spots of the sort that Foley discusses in Have A Nice Day, you've seen a sheet cake.

 

And, FYI, I showed, but we're waiting for Duran to mark it, I guess.

Edited July 11, 2006 by Ace309

[Toxxic 0]

Nope. Which is why I was confused when you were telling me about 'the heel always gets suplexed through a cake on his birthday'. Not on the programming I've seen, sunshine.

[chirs3 0]

I'd never heard of it either, but I love the idea of getting suplexed through a cake.

 

Tom vs. Landon is edited in, by the by. READ!