Ask The Dictator!

[Guest]

A slight modification; tell me if you like this version better.

 

 

Also, I'm sure SupaTaft will have no troubles with letting some ninjas out on loan, as long as he gets them back before the invasions of Mexico and Canada.

[Guest goodhelmet]

ok, any society i am helping to manipulate will have free cigarettes, free booze, and free drugs. the easiest society to control is a high society!!!! now, eradicate the sin tax and tax the shit out of gasoline!!!

[Guest]

Sin tax? Um, sure. Whatever that is, it's gone. Gasoline for all non-State vehicles will be taxed heavily. I would make all of the above substances free, but then that would seriously hurt the people who produce them, and take a huge chunk out of State income. Remember the economic law TNSTAAFL. There's No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. SOMEONE will have to pay for it all, and considering that price keeps a lot of people from consuming said substances, costs will only skyrocket, and I'm not about to help finance the whole of Central and South America through our own drug habits. How about this: we have the aforementioned Free Beer Fridays, as well as legalize currently illegal drugs, thereby making them easier to buy(since high prices for some are owed in part to the hazard of being caught), and taxing them lightly, since no business will make pure profit in the State of America. Some of their income must head our way. Cigarettes will be free only to State Cabinet members, as will everything else. Cigarettes will have prices slashed and taxes reduced to, as I told Kinetic, .01%. So 1/100th of each cigarette is paying the government, I don't think addicts care.

 

Tell me what you think of these measures, keeping in mind free controlled substances would reduce our populace into a society of listless, uncaring sloths. I advocate research into a universal drug, a la Soma in Brave New World, which the government will distribute in order to placate the masses, while phasing out the older drugs. We'll call the new drug Foma(as an homage to Kurt Vonnegut, who we will make our National Laureate, assuming he's still alive) and insert tobacco, alcoholic, and other chemical elements into it in order to please everyone, and give them all a universal affinity for it. It wouldn't be nearly as expensive to produce as a wide variety of drugs and substances, and the expenses on the State would be minimal as compared to the expenses of subsidizing the variety of production.

 

I may have lost my point somewhere in there, but add your thoughts if you wish.

 

By the way, why isn't anyone asking any questions about say, the usual domestic business? You know, housing, income taxes, elections, all that razzamatazz?

[Guest]

As concerned as I am that you people are putting this much effort into this, it's interesting in a way. What I'm saying is.... I want to join!

[Guest]

My elite squads of special forces should do nicely for the Japan job. My troops are not trained in the art of Ninja, but instead their combat arsenal consists mainly of good old fashioned ass whoopings. The troops have been sent and it sahll be quite soon that they return, also on their list is the cheif executives at Toho studios (Godzilla company).

I have an idea for the punishment of criminals. I have dreaming of this for years so bare with me. Okay, a man is accused of a crime. Instead of having a jury and a judge and all that jazz. We toss the accused, guilty or not, into a pit with a starved razor weilding orangutan, they will do battle and if the accused can defeat the orangutan then he is declared innocent and allowed to train with my special forces to help out in the service of our glorious land. If the orangutan kills him, then he was guilty and the orangutan gets food.

It should suit our needs nicely.

[Guest]

Justsoyouknow, you can be a part of the State of America if you wish(we welcome anyone really), but I need an idea of what you're good at, in order to determine what kind of position to give you. We've already got the following:

Maximum Proconsul: Kotzenjunge

Assistant Proconsul: Kinetic

Chancellor to the Proconsul: Goodhelmet

Minister of War: SupaTaft

Baron of Entertainment: Jingus

Chancellor of Frightening/Offensive/Disgusting Matters: MarioLogan

Minister of Propaganda: massivvHEDtrauma

 

Think of something that hasn't been taken yet that you specialize in. We still could use some kind of Chief Justice or Attourney General positions, as well as just about every current Cabinet department that hasn't been taken yet.

 

The Toho executives will not have a hair on their head disturbed. Godzilla is a Pop Culture icon, and one I planned on trying to genetically engineer on the Research Island of Cuba. That justice plan sounds okay until we get a real Justice Secretary, then you'll have to okay it with him. It'll cost to ship so many Orangutangs here, but I feel it would be worth it. Sure you want to give them only a razorblade?

 

I guess no one minds the logo, so we're going to stay with the second modified one. I think it looks cooler.

[Guest]

Yes, just a razor blade. Remember an orangutan has the strength of about 3 men. A razor blade is all they need. Umm... yeah, about the Toho guys... they are downstairs playing pool and eating out of my mini fridge. You get them out.

[Guest]

I will be sending over some people from the Baronese of Entertainment to retrieve them.

 

Murder is a pretty big deal. Give the Orangutangs a bat.

[Guest]

Damn, all the good positions are taken. Did you say Justice Secretary was open? I could do that, I put unwarranted judgments on people all the time. And I'm heavily influenced by what my friends would think was cool, so if you were to lead me to believe that someone was an enemy of The State (not the movie) I would find them guilty regardless of how much evidence is present otherwise.

[Guest]

"If you were to lead me to believe that someone was an enemy of The State (not the movie) I would find them guilty regardless of how much evidence is present otherwise."

 

That's how we play the Justice Game in the State of America! I actually have a little dream that one day court proceedings will have tickets sold for them, and be broadcast on television. I know we have Court TV, but we'd spice it up a bit, and make people want, nay, DEMAND, that the enemies of the State be punished. You could double as the Secretary of Justice and emcee of the show.

 

I would like to point out that the position of Foreign Minister hasn't been taken as of yet. We will maintain America's diplomatic relations after all.

[Guest]

So is that a "yes"? I'm going to act like it is. Not to encroach on the Baron of Entertainment's area of expertise, but I feel that a slight change is needed for the party theme song. The Imperial Deat March is a great piece of music, but who is going to take us seriously if we come out to Star Wars music?

[Guest]

The people who are surrounded by soldiers and tanks.

[Guest treble charged]

Can I be in charge of the Sports department?  We need a strong hockey team, like the USSR's Red Army to strike fear into our opponents.

[Guest]

Treble Charged, you are now the Duke of Sporting Events. Maintain all current professional leagues, but at the same time, make our Olympic teams in EVERY EVENT unstoppable, as well as any other International competition. I should start including the whole Cabinet in my signature, otherwise I may lose track of them.

[Guest]

Point taken, but I feel that something with...I dunno...words...might be a little more fear-striking. For example....

 

Call To Arms - Manowar

 

When they see us they will run for their lives

To the end they will pay for their lies

So long did we wait, now we are home

 

Here once again there's a battle to fight

Gather together for the sound and the might

So long did we wait, now we are home

 

Now we will fight for the kingdom, fighting with steel

Kill all of them, their blood is our seal

Fight till the last of the enemy is dead

Ride through their blood that we gladly have shed

 

I now issue the call, are you ready to fight - yeah

Fight all together as one for the right

To be free once again - tonight we will win

 

I can see by the look that you have in your eyes

You came here for metal, to fight and to die

Defenders of steel, now we are home

 

Fight for the kingdom bound for glory

Armed with a heart of steel

I swear by the brothers who stand before me

To no man shall I kneel

Their blood is upon my steel

Blood is upon my steel

 

 

Even if you don't want to use it as the party's theme song, it's still worth the download...much better when set to music.

[Guest]

It can be played at sporting events and stuff, as well as when stations sign off at night. Put your head together with Jingus's and make those rights OURS! If need be, call up SupaTaft.

 

The Imperial March will now take place of "Hail to the Chief."

[Guest]

SIRYESSIR!

 

....oh, another thing: if you're the Maximum Proconsul, who's the Minimum Proconsul? Just a thought.

[Guest]

No such thing. An Assistant Proconsulate exists, but no Minimum Proconsuls. Maybe that'll be the new name for governors of states in the State of America.

[Guest treble charged]

Should I take the East German approach towards training our athletes?

[Guest]

Whatever works, the State will spare no expense or effort in making our atheletes the best in the world, just as the State of America is the best country in the world!

[Guest]

Not to cause trouble, but woudn't sports be included in entertainment?

[Guest]

Entertainment, by the State's definition, is Radio and Televison. Think of Jingus as the head of the FCC, except with a private army at his disposal.

[Guest]

Ohhh....alright, no more questions.

[Guest]

You subscried to this thread, didn't you. Good job, Secretary of Justice. We need more upstanding Cabinet members like you.

[Guest]

Alright, I know I said no more questions, but I have some more. If Treble is Canadian and a member of the State ofAmerica, isn't that a conflict of interests? Nothing personal, just official government business. Oh, and what exactly are my duties as Secretary of Justice? ....yeah, that's all I've got.

[Guest]

Treble Charged will become part of the State of America when we annex Canada, so after a very INTENSE~! naturalization process and a realization of how invaluable his talents would be, he would become the leader of the newly-created Duchy of Sporting Events. Sports come after war in the State of America, since we consider the latter a better form of entertainment.

 

As Secretary of Justice, you're pretty much the Attourney General, and thus the chief of police of the State. Have a spiffy name for the State police on my desk post haste.

[Guest]

Expect a briefing from the mum-so-far Minister of Propaganda, MassivvHEDtrauma, any time now. He has exciting news, I'm told. We've been waffling over how to control the masses, but he just may have the answer.

[Guest]

The Minister of Propaganda shall be mute no more.

 

My plan: I will design two thirds of the campaign to be a sort of underground endeavor, meaning I will search out all large metropolitan areas for the latest and greatest talents in graffiti art and graphic design. I will begin slowly, with symbols that most will not understand (perhaps even a simplified version of our party logo, but stylized to look as though it were a gang symbol), so as to build a nice, dull quell for knowledge within the city streets. Once our Maximum Proconsul wins his position under the Democratic banner, I will kick the graffiti into high gear with both logos and phrases being painted all over every naked wall of the said metropolitan areas.

 

Aside from the graffiti tags all over the cities, I will begin distributing banners and posters at all nighttime hubs. All of these banners and posters will be in the same style as the graffiti; that is they will contain nothing more than a logo and perhaps a phrase or two. We don't want the general public to get too wise to what we plan on doing. This means we will have our party on the minds of concert-goers, club-hoppers and bar-stoppers all over the State. Hopefully that will put us in good stead with the youth as well, which will help us in the long run.

 

The other third of the campaign will consist of activites which seemingly have no connection to the graffiti and banner/poster distribution going on in the cities (at first, anyways). We will send out newsletters, buy commercial spots and hold banquets at every possible moment to promote ourselves as true leaders of the community. We will take a stand against things that the politically correct would have us stand against - drugs, taxes, crime. This portion of the campaign will be aimed at the higher-ups in society, standard fare to grab their attention.

 

Everything will be at fever pitch once the Abbey party takes power, and being that I have taken measures to make us all seem like a revolutionary, almost anarchic party, people will be much more gullible when we start making some real moves.

 

The underground campaigning is what will keep us going, however. After all, how can the lower classes revolt when, seemingly, we ARE the revolution. They will be reluctant to return to how things were before us, even if they are unhappy. Thus, we will perpetuate and prosper.

 

So, what does everyone think?

[Guest]

Yes, making a revertion back to previous ways helps the situation considerably. Good plan, Minister of Propaganda. Now that we've established how to capture their hearts and minds, how do we keep those in our captivity, other than the Foma? Wars of conquest can only go on so long due to limits on resources(although the Cuban scientists are hard at work on self-replenishing energy sources that can be used for military vehicles), and Sporting Events can only distract the public as long as the ball is in play, so to speak. Only a blind person would be oblivious to our egregious human rights violations. Your project is to make these violations look justifiable, perhaps even heroic.

 

On a related note, the Minister of Propaganda has asked for a better name, and I feel he deserves it. He is now the Czar of Propaganda, and although he has a different title, his powers remain the same. If anyone has a similar request(within reason, I think everyone's names are fine as they are), then ask.

 

I've also looked over the potential names for our State police force, and although they could use some work for the most part, very good for a first effort overall. Any other Cabinet departments have an update or anything?

 

Oh, and I'm still waiting for a statement from the Duke of Sporting Events. Tell the Cabinet what you'll be doing to handicap the Lakers and such.

[Guest]

Here they are, sent in from the office in Washington:

 

(Begin Transmission)

 

Options for a "Hail Columbia" replacement for Assistant Proconsul Kinetic (fear-striking, yet danceable) as decreed by Executive Order #53684572F:

 

Maximum Proconsul Kotzenjunge, our Special Commission was only able to come up with the following, which aren't quite danceable, but we feel meet the likes of the Assistant Proconsul, as well as serve his needs in a piece to be played when he arrives to State functions. The rights to them will have to be secured by the Baronese of Entertainment. We are aware that our lives are at stake in regards to whether he accepts one of these, so we chose carefully.

 

The Beverly Hills Cop theme

AC/DC -- "Back in Black" or "Highway to Hell"

Khachaturian -- "Sabre Dance"

Wagner -- "Ride of the Valkyries"

Ambrosia -- "Nice Nice Very Nice"(more of an homage to the National Laureate than anything)

Acid Bath -- "What Color is Death"

The Puhdys -- "FC Hansa Rostock"(It's German, but who cares?)

Method Man -- "Judgment Day(instrumental)"

Michael Jackson -- "Smooth Criminal"

Rocky Soundtrack -- "Gonna Fly Now"

Talk Show -- "Hello Hello"

Tchaikovsky -- "1812 Overture"

 

We certainly hope the Assistant Proconsul approves.

 

Head of Special Commission to Find an Arrival Piece for Assistant Proconsul Kinetic

 

(End Transmission)