Storm Comments

[chirs3 0]

Big card, so of course holes will be there. I expect much of the missing material to appear by tomorrow morning.

 

Also appearing tomorrow morning will be the card, mainly because whether or not certain materials appear will greatly influence what the card will be. MYSTERIOUS MYSTERY~!

 

Loved the promoage tonight.

[chirs3 0]

Toxxic vs. Manson is up.

[Toxxic 0]

What the hell happened to Alexander? JRR told me he was getting something in, and I've been in touch with Adonis, but given Godfish's debut and the fact he was browsing the boards last night I'd have thought he'd have shown on his second match.

[Guest SoulxOfxLove]

 

 

 

Dang...

[chirs3 0]

Spike vs. Zyon is up.

[Guest SoulxOfxLove]

Any1 wanna tell me how my watch went?

 

like? bad? huh? Saint Wins By Submission? was That A Bit much?

 

[Guest SoulxOfxLove]

What the hell happened to Alexander? JRR told me he was getting something in, and I've been in touch with Adonis, but given Godfish's debut and the fact he was browsing the boards last night I'd have thought he'd have shown on his second match.

 

 

Btw great match.

Lol

[Ace309 0]

Jakey vs. Fulmie is up, and I have it on good authority that at least one more Tourney match is inbound. So before I go to work, a partial card will go up, the rest to be added please dear god I hope when I come home and have tons of responses in my inbox.

 

EDIT: And by his inbox, Tom clearly means my inbox. Crazy coot.

Edited June 22, 2007 by chirs3

[Toxxic 0]

Killa, I'll do a full review of your match tomorrow.

[Mad Scientist 0]

What the hell happened to Alexander? JRR told me he was getting something in, and I've been in touch with Adonis, but given Godfish's debut and the fact he was browsing the boards last night I'd have thought he'd have shown on his second match.

 

I was late, I'm afraid. I just sent it in a few minutes ago to the marker. My bad. Damn sneaky job caught up with me this week (last week or so of the month gets crazy).

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

You wouldn't happen to work in cryptography, would you?

[Mad Scientist 0]

You wouldn't happen to work in cryptography, would you?

 

Well, sort of. Law actually. Real estate law in particular. If you've seen the typical documents that are involved in your average real estate closing, cryptography isn't far off.

[Toxxic 0]

Killa’s match

 

The good points: What we have here is an effective squash. Arne tries his usual power offence but finds Killa too big to try it on. A few power moves for Killa to establish his authority, goes for the big knee drop but Arne evades it. Teases a chokeslam, Arne counters out, then (if I’m reading this right) he manages to take Killa down and starts punching him, but Killa just grabs him by the throat and picks himself up again, then this time chokeslams Arne. The Martyr’s Drop to soften him up, then the Necro Links for the submission. All well and good, it gets the guy over as a powerhouse and there were a few momentum shifts to avoid it being a complete and utter arse-kicking.

 

The bad points: The problem is delivery. Firstly, English. Capitalising The First Letter Of Each Word Is Not Necessary Or Effective. In fact it’s incredibly time-consuming to type (time that could be better used to write a longer match), a complete contradiction of good written English, and mildly annoying. Also, it’s really not necessary to start a new line for each sentence, or every other sentence, as you seem to be doing. Sticking to normal paragraphs is highly advisable. That’s not to say that shoving the occasional sentence out on it’s own isn’t a good technique for emphasis, because it can be, but it needs to be done sparingly for it to have any effect.

 

 

Secondly, concentrate on the ‘he’ and ‘him’ in your writing:

 

Saint Sits on his back and bends his legs back under his arms while pulling his arms back.

 

We have one name and four ‘his’ in that sentence, making it a little difficult to work out who is being talked about where. It might read better done like this:

 

Saint sits on Arne’s back and places his legs under Andersen’s arms while pulling those same arms back.

 

 

Thirdly, the commentators. I don’t like the script style anyway, which is why I write my matches in prose style, but if you want to see a good example of script-style then take a look at Fulminatus’s match in the Losing Matches Thread. However, you need to be more consistent with their characters - quite simply, Francis will call it pretty much down the line, King always always ALWAYS roots for the heel. They have much more developed characters of course, being ex-wrestlers, but that’ll do for now.

 

 

For me, first priority is getting the layout sorted. Get things organised into paragraphs, keep a line’s gap between different paragraphs and between the action and the commentary, and keep capital letters for the first word of a sentence or for a name. Once we’ve got that side of things sorted we can start looking at a little fine-tuning in terms of the content of the match. However, for all this the MOST important thing is that you bothered to get a match in despite difficulties, which is more than some other people managed to do

[Mr. S£im Citrus 0]

Thirdly, the commentators. I don’t like the script style anyway, which is why I write my matches in prose style, but if you want to see a good example of script-style then take a look at Fulminatus’s match in the Losing Matches Thread. However, you need to be more consistent with their characters - quite simply, Francis will call it pretty much down the line, King always always ALWAYS roots for the heel. They have much more developed characters of course, being ex-wrestlers, but that’ll do for now.

 

* - Unless the heel is Landon Maddix...

[Guest SoulxOfxLove]

Thirdly, the commentators. I don’t like the script style anyway, which is why I write my matches in prose style, but if you want to see a good example of script-style then take a look at Fulminatus’s match in the Losing Matches Thread. However, you need to be more consistent with their characters - quite simply, Francis will call it pretty much down the line, King always always ALWAYS roots for the heel. They have much more developed characters of course, being ex-wrestlers, but that’ll do for now.

 

* - Unless the heel is Landon Maddix...

 

Note taken, thanks....

& Yeah, The Initial Caps Thing Is how I Type Normaly. But I'll Keep It out of all my matches from now on. Once again, Thank you!

[Secret Agent 0]

Thirdly, the commentators. I don’t like the script style anyway, which is why I write my matches in prose style, but if you want to see a good example of script-style then take a look at Fulminatus’s match in the Losing Matches Thread. However, you need to be more consistent with their characters - quite simply, Francis will call it pretty much down the line, King always always ALWAYS roots for the heel. They have much more developed characters of course, being ex-wrestlers, but that’ll do for now.

 

* - Unless the heel is Landon Maddix...

 

Note taken, thanks....

& Yeah, The Initial Caps Thing Is how I Type Normaly. But I'll Keep It out of all my matches from now on. Once again, Thank you!

 

Honestly, it makes it a little strange to read when you do type like that. Nonetheless, it was good to see that you contributed to the show (I told you you couldn't loose) so keep it up!

[Toxxic 0]

Thirdly, the commentators. I don’t like the script style anyway, which is why I write my matches in prose style, but if you want to see a good example of script-style then take a look at Fulminatus’s match in the Losing Matches Thread. However, you need to be more consistent with their characters - quite simply, Francis will call it pretty much down the line, King always always ALWAYS roots for the heel. They have much more developed characters of course, being ex-wrestlers, but that’ll do for now.

 

* - Unless the heel is Landon Maddix...

 

You are of course correct. I'm not seeing Killa being booked against Landon at any point in the near future, but it's still a point worth making.

[Guest SoulxOfxLove]

Thirdly, the commentators. I don’t like the script style anyway, which is why I write my matches in prose style, but if you want to see a good example of script-style then take a look at Fulminatus’s match in the Losing Matches Thread. However, you need to be more consistent with their characters - quite simply, Francis will call it pretty much down the line, King always always ALWAYS roots for the heel. They have much more developed characters of course, being ex-wrestlers, but that’ll do for now.

 

* - Unless the heel is Landon Maddix...

 

Note taken, thanks....

& Yeah, The Initial Caps Thing Is how I Type Normaly. But I'll Keep It out of all my matches from now on. Once again, Thank you!

 

Honestly, it makes it a little strange to read when you do type like that. Nonetheless, it was good to see that you contributed to the show (I told you you couldn't loose) so keep it up!

 

It Is A Worthy Habit To Break, I Suppose.

& Thanks, I will Try My Best To Keep It Up In The Fed.!!

[Toxxic 0]

Godfish's match:

 

The good points: Sound logical reasoning from the start - Alexander targets the leg anyway, and it’s a good thing to go for here because it will take away the School’s Out Superkick. A limping babyface is always good for crowd heat, and it sets the tone for the rest of the match with Malibu having to judge how much damage each offensive move is going to do to himself, as well as to Alexander. Also, Alexander is gratifyingly cocky and this allows Malibu to evade some offence, another good heel device. In the end Malibu is able to dodge one bullet but not the second, passing out in the Gordian Knot. I like the fact that you’ve put your submission finisher over twice in a row, because I do like submission finishers and I can’t remember the last time we had something feared, feared like the Crossface used to be before everyone started reversing it.

 

The bad points: I’m all for selling, but I think Malibu oversold the leg - the hold early on would be painful but not so bad that he couldn’t run it off a little later, I think. In my opinion you needed to maybe let Malibu have a little more flashy opening offence, then about halfway through really nail the leg and make him struggle for the rest of the match. As it was you cranked it a bit, made him limp, but he still hit a load of moves that relied upon it. Splitting the match more distinctly into ‘mobile Malibu’ and ‘limping Malibu’ would have benefited it, I think. The only other thing is that some of your sentences strike me as a little choppy, you could probably run one into another and have a better flow, but that’s more a stylistic thing for me personally.

 

All in all another good showing, and I’m looking forward to seeing more!

 

[Mad Scientist 0]

Thanks for the comments.

 

I'm a big mark for submission finishers too, as you may be able to tell.

 

I always worry about the timing of the breakdown work for submission setups. Honestly, nowadays in most pro wrestling there's hardly any build to submission finishers...they always "come out of nowhere." Even Benoit's crossface is now in this category...he almost never works the arm and shoulder anymore before the crossface pops up and puts out his opponent. And Angle never works the leg before he slaps on the anklelock. Contrast this with Ric Flair's classic build toward the figure four, with chopblocks, leg stomps, shinbreakers, etc. This is more a function of the short match program most of the big companies operate on, especially on TV, and hopefully not endemic of the entire industry. But I digress into rantdom; I'll stop.

 

I'm a little torn myself on how to sell injury. Letting the opponent get in more offense before a serious breakdown would probably have worked better, now that I think of it. I'll work on that aspect.

 

Godfish's match:

 

The good points: Sound logical reasoning from the start - Alexander targets the leg anyway, and it’s a good thing to go for here because it will take away the School’s Out Superkick. A limping babyface is always good for crowd heat, and it sets the tone for the rest of the match with Malibu having to judge how much damage each offensive move is going to do to himself, as well as to Alexander. Also, Alexander is gratifyingly cocky and this allows Malibu to evade some offence, another good heel device. In the end Malibu is able to dodge one bullet but not the second, passing out in the Gordian Knot. I like the fact that you’ve put your submission finisher over twice in a row, because I do like submission finishers and I can’t remember the last time we had something feared, feared like the Crossface used to be before everyone started reversing it.

 

The bad points: I’m all for selling, but I think Malibu oversold the leg - the hold early on would be painful but not so bad that he couldn’t run it off a little later, I think. In my opinion you needed to maybe let Malibu have a little more flashy opening offence, then about halfway through really nail the leg and make him struggle for the rest of the match. As it was you cranked it a bit, made him limp, but he still hit a load of moves that relied upon it. Splitting the match more distinctly into ‘mobile Malibu’ and ‘limping Malibu’ would have benefited it, I think. The only other thing is that some of your sentences strike me as a little choppy, you could probably run one into another and have a better flow, but that’s more a stylistic thing for me personally.

 

All in all another good showing, and I’m looking forward to seeing more!