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Kinetic

Bullshit

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SPRINGFIELD, Ore. -- A number of gnomes have taken sanctuary at the Springfield police station.

 

Somebody apparently collected 75 lawn ornaments from around town and then, on the night of Oct. 17, placed them meticulously on and around the lawn of one house.

 

Among the plastic and porcelain geese, deer and frogs are gnomes, such as a weather gnome outfitted with a rain gauge.

 

Police want to find the rightful owners.

 

"We need to get them out of here," Capt. Richard Harrison said. "Every time I leave my office they're sitting in my chair, working on my computer. I can't seem to get rid of the darn things."

 

There will be a public viewing Tuesday.

 

"If they come here and they can identify it," Harrison said, "we're more than happy to let the gnome go home."

 

After that the gnomes, and any other ornaments, will be sold at auction.

 

Which one of you fucking miserable cockgobbling Oregon cuntlaps did this? This was my idea, guys!

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Look around you

There are many things to see

That some would say could never be

These things I know

It's true and I will tell you so

They are there to see

If you believe

Trolls and wizards and fairy kings

Birds that talk and fish that sing

And if your heart is true

Then you will find them too

In every wish and dream and happy home

You will find a kingdom of

THE GNOOOOOOOOOOMES

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