Promo: the Airhead, Shopping, and Burning up.

[Retard Girl 0]

In front of a nifty generic SWF backdrop, two people stand: Taiga Star and Emma Dumas. Something about the setup tells us that it is promo time... but Ms. Dumas is just staring at the camera.

 

"Um... Emma? I gave the go sign like five minutes ago..." the cameraman says.

 

Taiga bends and twists and looks at her in the face, and this seems to snap Emma out of... out of whatever she was thinking. Or rather, not thinking. Taiga smiles and points to the microphone she is holding, reminding her that she has a job to do.

 

"Hi, Emma Dumas..."

 

Taiga and the cameraman both giggle at the obviousness.

 

"...And I'm standing here with Taiga Star!" Emma sticks the mic in Taiga's face.

 

"Hey there." Taiga states flatly.

 

Emma just stands there again, staring off into space. Perhaps there is something shiny in the distance? Taiga gently guides the microphone back to Emma's mouthal area. Emma snaps back into it (as opposed to snapping out of it) and seems almost surprised that there's a mic in front of her.

 

"So, Taiga, you lost."

 

"Yeah, I lost."

 

Another uncomfortable silence before Emma remembers the interview. "You lost... twice."

 

Taiga gives her a slightly dirty look. "Yeah, I lost twice. Shit happens."

 

"So... um... are you gonna lose against Annie Eclectic too?"

 

"Not if i can help it!" Oh, it's on now. Taiga gives her a very dirty look. "In fact, I've been waiting a while to get my hands on that bitchy slutty has-been. In fact, I can't wait..."

 

Taiga trails off, no so much as she stopped talking as much as the microphone was getting further and further away from her mouth. Emma is standing there, staring off again, picking at her hair and humming softly to herself.

 

Taiga sighs. She looks around and spies Ben Hardy. He appears to be waiting for something to do, standing in front of a backdrop advertising 'SWF DOWNWARD SPIRAL, LIVE (to tape) FROM WORCESTER MASS!', holding a microphone, wearing a suit, and sighing in boredom along with another camera guy.

 

An idea pops into Taiga's head. "Excuse me," she says, "I have to go do a promo."

 

"Oh, okay!" Emma barely pays attention as she begins walking into the distance, tempted by a shiny bottle of nail polish she spies on the makeup cart.

 

Taiga sighs deeply. She takes the note cards from the cameraman (it was no use to give them to Ms. Dumas) and walks over to where Ben is. "Here" she says as she hands him the cards.

 

Ben reads them over, nodding to himself as he memorizes the key points. Then he slips the cards into his pocket and gives the signal to the camera-boy.

 

The little red light turns on.

 

 

 

 

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm Ben Hardy and standing here with me is Taiga Star. Taiga, you haven't been very lucky lately with getting wins. Do you have anything to say about that?"

 

"Yeah, well... shit happens. Should I be too upset? Nah, I pick up and move on. Everyone loses. My last two matches have been against a seven foot angry Puerto Rican and the crown jewel of the cruisers, Flippy McGuilicuddy. So the odds weren't exactly in my favour anyway."

 

"Tonight at SWF Downward Spiral, you're taking on none other than Annie Eclectic. She's been a thorn in your side, so to speak, since you came to wrestle for us. Would you please share your thoughts on that?"

 

Taiga smiles widely. "Annie Endemic!"

 

"Eclectic," Ben reminds her.

 

"That's what I said." Taiga continues as if not interrupted. "Annie Endemic~! How I've waited to get my hands on you. You've bitched and you've whined and you've stomped your feet like a spoiled little brat. It's time to knock some sense into her. Though, I'm likely to get quite a lot of sense beat into me in the process."

 

"What are your plans for this hardcore match?" Ben asks.

 

"Mister Hardy," Taiga puts an arm around him, all buddy-like, "I'm going to go shopping!" Taiga smiles again. "Then, I'm going to do a little handiwork."

 

"...Handiwork?" Ben looks at her a little weird.

 

"You'll see." Taiga says. "Thank you for your time."

 

Ben just watches her go down the hall.

 

 

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

The lights are blinding at first, an intense white that causes an instant headache. Slowly the world becomes in focus; tiled floors, harsh florescent lighting, bad elevator music. We seem to be in a random home improvement store, people in green vests greet the shoppers with false cooperate cheer. In one aisle, we see a short woman pushing a flatbed cart, wearing pinstriped black pants, obscenely large black boots, and a black tank top. Taiga Star is browsing the bathroom fixtures area, eying a particular model which is discounted.

 

"You see miss," the little man said, "it's a floor model, and it has some scratches and such, really nothing that would affect the wear after a few uses... Miss?"

 

Taiga was only half hearing the vested man, picking up said toilet and placing it on her cart.

 

"Miss, we can get an associate to help you with that..."

 

"Nah, it's okay," says Taiga, "I got this."

 

The man continued. "As I was saying, the discount makes this a good deal."

 

"It's okay sir," Taiga says with a smirk, "it's for a piece of shit anyway."

 

The gentleman and her share a laugh. Then she goes on her way.

 

Seventeen boxes of thumbtacks, a glue gun, bathroom and kitchen fixtures, cheap plywood, barbed wire, a staple gun, one bottle of Pepsi, and two one dollar donations to the Children's Fund later, Taiga is done shopping. She pays for her purchase with cash produced from a fuzzy purple wallet.

 

She loads the items into her truck and returns the cart to the store. Then she is leaving, Megadeth blaring through the speakers, and Taiga smiling happily in the front seat as she pulls out into traffic.

 

 

 

 

~~~~~~~

 

 

 

 

"Ow, fuck!" she said, dropping the glue gun.

 

Taiga burns her fingers for a third time. The tack is adhered to her thumb firmly. "Thumb... Tack." she says, looking at it wistfully. For a moment she considers just gluing the tacks directly to her fingers, but thinks better of it and continues to glue the tacks onto the wooden boat paddle she found in a trash pile.

 

Taiga looks up suddenly, hearing something off in the distance. Then around the corner she sees Toxxic walking down the hall with a bundle of folders. He stops when he sees what Taiga is doing, looking over the plastic baseball bat covered with tacks and a similar bat covered with barbed wire.

 

"Those for Annie?" he asks, amused.

 

"Yeah."

 

"Good plan. The prospect of that many pricks should make her run and hide."

 

Taiga and Toxxic share a laugh, and they both go back to what they were doing: Toxx doing official duties and Taiga burning her fingers on the glue gun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~~~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"OW!... fuck!!"

[Mad Scientist 0]

I gotta say, I loved this promo. Especially the last bit with the glue gun. Because no one can ever use one of those things without burning themselves at least once...

[JST 0]

I liked very much.

 

My experience with RP'ers has been reading horribly uninspired (and mostly badly written) promos where the subject is nigh invincible and basically live out a kid's fantasy to be a wrestling character. But not this one. It's the incorporating of the little flaws in the speech and actions while still maintaining a certain edge. Well done.

[AnnieEclectic 0]

This may be the one of the better feuds I've been a part of, and these promos from you go a long way towards that. I love the glue gun bit, adding a bit of 'human normality' to an otherwise over-the-top production. Priceless!

 

-Annie

[This is Bo 0]

This was basically three promo in one, and they were all good.

 

7 foot Puerto Rican, shit, Most tall Puerto Rican run about 6'7...damn, I know you were over exaggerating and shit, but damn...

 

I agree with everybody and I'm sure people that is going to comment in your promo will have the same common denominator, and that is the liking of the glue gun. That my friend was great.

 

SIN

[Retard Girl 0]

I gotta say, I loved this promo. Especially the last bit with the glue gun. Because no one can ever use one of those things without burning themselves at least once...

I love the glue gun bit, adding a bit of 'human normality' to an otherwise over-the-top production. Priceless!

 

thanks. those things are a pain in the ass to use. or rather, pain in the fingers.

 

 

 

My experience with RP'ers has been reading horribly uninspired (and mostly badly written) promos where the subject is nigh invincible and basically live out a kid's fantasy to be a wrestling character. But not this one. It's the incorporating of the little flaws in the speech and actions while still maintaining a certain edge. Well done.

 

i blame Eddie Kingston and a bunch of other indy guys for this. no Ultimate Warrior or The Rock here.

 

*raises eyebrow*

 

 

 

This was basically three promo in one, and they were all good.

 

7 foot Puerto Rican, shit, Most tall Puerto Rican run about 6'7...damn, I know you were over exaggerating and shit, but damn...

 

I agree with everybody and I'm sure people that is going to comment in your promo will have the same common denominator, and that is the liking of the glue gun. That my friend was great.

 

SIN

 

i was exaggerating about the seven foot you. but from down here, it looks like seven feet XD

 

 

 

 

thanks guys, i feel so validated now

[HollywoodSpikeJenkins 0]

Uhh, thats Becky Bayless?

 

 

Yeah, Becky Bayless is hot.

[AnnieEclectic 0]

Uhh, thats Becky Bayless?

 

 

Yeah, Becky Bayless is hot.

 

QFT