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The Ill One

SWF.com Exclusive- Hell Freezes Over Hype I

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Either I'm going to make you guys care or post so much shit that you'll all end up faking it in appeasement. :headbang:



Ben Hardy awkwardly stands in front of the camera, shifting his weight, and waiting for his cue that he’s already gotten before getting a grunt from Gus that snaps him back into reality.


“This is Ben Hardy in the SWF.com exclusive,” he begins to say.


“They already know that, they’re obviously on the website,” a familiar voice says, the camera pulling back to reveal the Ill One, Insane Luchador standing next to him with a smirk.


“Right, so I’m here with the Insane Luchador, Andrew Rickmen,” Hardy once again starts up but gets interrupted.


“They already know that too,” IL points out to Hardy’s nod. “Where’s Emma Dumass anyway?”


“I think you creep her out,” Hardy says to Luchador’s slight surprise. “So at Hell Freezes Over you are getting a World Title shot against Michael Alexander in a 2/3 hardcore falls match, a stipulation that you chose after defeating MANSON.”


“With your own finisher, Alexander,” IL cockily adds. “I have to admit that I had a lot of stipulations runnin’ through this sick, twisted mind. I mean, you should have thanked whatever deity you may or may not hold dear that this match just feels right… and if you don’t have a deity, then right about now is a great time to have a spiritual epiphany.”


“Are you suggesting that you let him off the hook with the stipulation?” Hardy asks.


Luchador ignores the question and continues his rant, “Really, just a choice time to find spiritual salvation because you won’t be getting any from me. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, Alexander, just because I didn’t choose Damnation in a Box or light tubes or flaming tables or last man standing or whatever doesn’t mean you’ve received a break. I mean, really, a lot of those stipulations are just so restraining, you know? I like knowing the freedom I’m going to have going into that match, Alexander, sure I might not get a nifty steel cage but I’ll sure as hell have light tubes, tables are easily flammable, and every other goody that my hands can grab. Hell, maybe I’ll even call up Dace Night and see if I can get the weedwhacker…”


Hardy’s eyes open wide and he asks, “So this stipulation is anything but a break for him?”


“But I digress… Alexander, this is really simple- I don’t like you, I mean it’s not like I hate you, yet… it’s just that you have the World Title. In your possession is something that I’ve been chasing for what? Seven, eight years? You are holding one of the few titles that has eluded me match after match, week after week, month after month, and year after year.”


“You did have a shot against Gabriel Drake that you fell short in,” Hardy replies to Luchador’s begrudging nod.


“Right, and it wasn’t an easy feat to get another shot, matter of fact, it’s taken a streak of some of my more challenging matches in recent memory to get this shot. I am the number one contender, Hardy, I’m the S-W-F’s next World Champion, can you see it? Can you feel it?”


Hardy shrugs.


“Maybe not, and maybe you don’t see it, Alexander, but I sure as hell do. It’s so vivid, it’s so clear, and it’s so god damn satisfying that not you, not anyone, will be the one to keep it from happening, okay? You may be able to twist my limbs into positions that even the author of the Karma Sutra would wince at but this is my world you’re stepping into, Alexander, this is my world. I don’t think you know what it’s like to go backstage and sit down to get shards of glass plucked out of your skin, I don’t think you know what it’s like to have more scars than clear patches of skins, and I don’t think you know how much of a bitch it is to yank out hundreds of thumbtacks. And I know, Alexander, I fuckin’ know that you don’t know what it’s like to be in the ring with someone like me, I know that. I think you know it too, don’t you?”


“He’s certainly out of his element,” Hardy admits.


“Damn straight. Michael Alexander, you have no fuckin’ clue what you’re facing once you step into the ring with the Ill One… and I know that you know that these aren’t idle threats,” IL says with a psychotic laugh, dropping the microphone, and walking away.


“Well, IL is certainly sending a message to his opponent Alexander and whether these are idle threats will be seen at Hell Freezes Over,” Hardy concludes. “Until then, keep checking SWF.com for more exclusive footage and if I know IL, he’ll have more choice words later.”


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Damn. One thing is right - there are so many possibilities inherent in this match that I really don't know where to even start, much less finish. And IL is playing this up. I liked this promo. It gets across just how much IL has worked for this, brings in some history, and points out that IL can be considered the odds-on favorite to win at HFO.

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