PROMO: Landons On A Plane

[King Cucaracha 0]

#Uhhh... this is your captain speaking. We are approaching our destination and will be landing in approximately an hour's time, thank you#

 

 

About an hour too late for Michael Stephens' liking as he fidgets in his economy class seat looking pretty glum. Next to him, blissfully ignorant to the mood his General Manager is in is Commissioner Landon Maddix, peeking out of the plane window with great interest at... clouds. Nothing but clouds. They sure are pretty up close though!

 

"So, what are we gonna do about it?" Toxxic finally pipes up.

 

Landon chews on a large handful of peanuts. "...'bout what?"

 

"About what we've been talking about for the best part of a bleedin' week! All the chaos recently! The attacks, the non-finishes to matches, the fights outside police stations, this nonsense with the DVS guys, ringin' any bells yet? You'd think you'd be more concerned, what with you being Commissioner an' all."

 

"I'm concerned. Very much so."

 

"Well good." Toxxic agrees. "Because dealing with this crap every show is not something I intend on makin' a habit. My blood pressure's through the flaming roof!"

 

"Infact, you might say it's Jamaican you crazy!"

 

The corniness of the line, combined with the goofy smile on Landon's face, seems to do very little good to Toxxic's blood pressure as his face reddens ever so slightly.

 

"Come on man, I missed out on that all week! That holiday couldn't have been timed worse. Anyway, relax a little. There's no point in getting yourself all worked up about it all. In my experience, these things tend to work themselves out at the end of the day. Sure we need to do something to prevent things from getting too out of control, but besides that what can we do? People are gonna hate each other whether we discourage it or not. Take a page out of my book..."

 

"Leave it to Megan you mean?"

 

"Exactly!" Landon replies with a smile, the only semi-serious Toxxic rolling his eyes. "Chill out, take a lean back and put things in perspective. So the fed's a little chaotic at the moment. No problem. There might be more beatdowns than a prison riot going on... but at least we'll be bathed in sunshine while it's happening! That was the entire point of the last show. I mean what the hell happened to you out there? Jamaica's supposed to be one of the most chilled out places in the world, or so cultural stereotypes have led me to believe. And yet you come back acting like a bear with a sore backside. Why didn't you just kick back on the beach, sip on something a little tropical..."

 

"I don't drink." grunts Toxxic. "And I don't do drugs either, so your Jamaican stereotypes ain't gonna extend to me."

 

"Ugh... Jamaican me crazy, Toxx!"

 

The sound of teeth grinding is picked up as Landon reclines backwards with his hands behind his head.

 

"See, it's this easy. Try it!"

 

"Bugger off."

 

"Oh, come on... it's seriously easy going."

 

"Why couldn't you have gotten a seat next to Megan, again exactly?"

 

"Oh, she doesn't like sitting next to me on airplanes."

 

"I can't think why." Toxxic mutters under his breath, just as the air stewardess trundles along, handing over another bag of peanuts to Landon who responds with a wink and a smile. Trained for this kind of human contact, the stewardess takes it with good grace with only inner loathing. One better than Toxxic, who snatches the salty snacks from Landon. "Can you stop stuffing your face for one minute!? The only reason I didn't drag someone outta their seat and into this one was because this is an opportunity, for once, to get some work done without you getting distracted! It damn sure wasn't because I enjoy the deafening sound of you chewing and spitting crumbs all over me!"

 

"If you didn't want to hear me eat, you could have got the headphones."

 

"Call me crazy, but I didn't fancy the movie. Hardly good form to be showing us Snakes On A Plane, surely?"

 

"Eh, I dunno, for something low budget it wasn't that bad."

 

"No, I meant... nevermind."

 

"Look, if you're really that bored you only had to say so. Let's talk. Who do you fancy in the Premiership this season? See, I've got a soft spot for Liverpool since they've got Torres... you know, some people say I look a little like him... but I don't know if I'd want to put money on it. Then there's Arsenal..."

 

Just as Toxxic is contemplating making an impromptu skydive, he finds salvation in Megan Skye making her way very carefully down the aisleway. Quick as a flash he unstraps his seatbelt and twirls Megan around, sitting her down next to Landon who doesn't miss a step in his conversation.

 

"We're swapping seats."

 

"But I just got up to go to the toilet..." protests Megan, but Toxxic is long gone, STRIDING off down the plane.

 

"...they've sold too many players I think, no matter how nice their football is... oh, hey Megan! What a nice surprise. I hope you're in a better mood than Toxxic, that guy just knows how to kill a party, know what I mean? Work work work, nag nag nag. Worse than an old woman. No offence."

 

Megan looks hopefully for signs of Toxxic being turned away from first class, but to no avail.

 

"Listen, I really do have to go the toilet." she insists, getting up all too eagerly. As she scuttles off, Landon grins and suddenly feels a twinge in his bladder.

 

"Ooh, hey, me too... hey, wait up!"

 

Giggling like a naughty schoolboy Landon follows Megan off to the airplane bathroom and you can figure the rest out for yourself as we fade out.

[The Ill One 0]

That was thoroughly amusing, good sir.