SWF A PRELUDE TO GRANDEUR!!

[King Cucaracha 0]

PITO SUTE AKILAGI!

It ain't good, It ain't good cuz you'll get jumped in my hood

 

To the adulation of the crowd, Va'aiga walks into the glare of the flashbulbs and hoists his title up high, to a massive cheer. The Maori walks into the middle of the ring, shows off the title again before placing it over his shoulder. A mic is passed into the ring and The Maori addresses the crowd.

 

Va'aiga: Kia ora! Looks like the SWF has a new champion. A two time champion. A lot of people have been saying a lot of things about the Maori, but this piece of hardware right here

 

Va'aiga taps the belt over his shoulder

 

Va'aiga: Makes it pretty clear to anyone in the federation that I am the man to beat around here. Now I have to give a lot of credit to the Insane Luchador, a man who put me through hell on my road to this title. But when you're walking through hell, you take a deep breath and keep going. So in that cell, in that cage of pain I took that deep breath, I kept going and the result is sitting on my shoulder right now. So let me tell you, the SWF fans. I will be a fighting champion. No matter wh...

 

And Va'aiga is interrupted by the tolling of a bell and the fiercest of guitar riffs. Into the entrance gate area walks the familiar figure of Michael Alexander.

 

Alexander: Cut my music.

 

The music cuts out.

 

Alexander: Well well well. The new World Heavyweight Champion. Congratulations Va'aiga. I have to say I watched the match and I'm not too big to say I was impressed. To put your own body through such punishment. To deliver such a beating. I could almost say I found it more than a little pleasant to see the Luchador bloodied, battered, and beaten. Yes, I was definitely impressed with what you accomplished in the cell...

 

Michael Alexander pauses and lets an evil smile cross his face.

 

Alexander: ...but it certainly wasn't wrestling.

 

The crowd boos.

 

Alexander: Let's face it, Va'aiga. As a fighter, you're one of the best this business has to offer. As a brawler, you are an engine of utter destruction. As a wrestler, you're... well, a great fighter and brawler. And take away the hardcore element, all the garbage wrestling - if you can even CALL it wrestling - and you're no more than an overweight, over-tattooed, overblown braggart with a bad attitude.

 

Va'aiga: I'LL KILL YOU!

 

Alexander: A predictable response from an utterly predictable individual. You want to kill me? Make it worth me wasting my time trying to teach you to wrestle - put that SWF belt you're debasing on the line. And, Va'aiga, I think you'll find it's hard to kill a man when you're tied into a knot more intricate than your ridiculous tattoos, wondering which of your limbs will break next. I don't care what you've done or who you've beaten. You haven't beaten me, and you can't beat me. I am Michael Alexander, your NEXT Heavyeight champion, the man who WILL bring some much needed credibility to that title belt festering on your shoulder, and the GREATEST mat wrestler in the world today. Put that belt on the line, Va'aiga, and I promise you and all the SWF fans that you will be outwitted, outwrestled, and quite simlply outclassed by the Most Scientifically Scintillating Superstar, and more importantly Credible Champion, Ever to Enter the Squared Circle. Now, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't mind shining that belt back to the glossy sheen it had before you and Rickmen soiled it with your placeholder championship reigns. After all, I'd hate to waste my first night as champion polishing my belt.

 

Alexander turns and walks back up the ramp, turning back to smirk at the fuming Maori in the ring.

[King Cucaracha 0]

The SWF presents...

A PRELUDE TO GRANDEUR

LIVE to DVD from the Littlejohn Coliseum in Clemson, South Carolina, 7pm EST, WEDNESDAY, 3rd SEPTEMBER




GRUDGE Tag Team Match
VDN (Va'aiga © and Dace Night) vs. SIN and Tracy Bruner
This one is long in the making. Cast your minds back to April, when our new SWF World Champion Va'aiga and SIN first went one on one at Downward Spiral. The war of words sparked up in the build-up to the match, but little did we know then that the hatred between them would only grow and grow, largely thanks to the controversial ending to the match, Va'aiga winning via disqualification after Tracy Bruner's interference. Va'aiga got the same result the next show over Bruner, thanks to SIN, the two bigmen's alliance now firmly established as they laid waste to the Maori Badass. Va'aiga vowed revenge and ever since then the war has raged between the former Tag Team Champions and the violent opposition... just, not in the ring. We've heard more words and threats exchanged, we've seen Dace destroyed backstage, we've seen Va'aiga and SIN spend a night in the slammer after fighting in the streets, unable to wait for official competition. What we haven't seen is that decisive match to finally settle this score. Now, finally, *fingers crossed*, these four massive men will make it to the ring and do battle. And what a battle it promises to be, with No Disqualifications, Anything Goes, There Must Be A Winner!


Divefire and Taiga Star © vs. "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins and Spyke
The Cruiserweight waters have just become a little muddied! The second of three titles to change in the course of two shows, The Cruiserweight Championship is now in Taiga Star's hands. Of course, this does not sit well with Spike Jenkins, the former champion. Nor will it sit well with Taiga's DVS enemies, led chiefly by Spyke. And there's another wildcard to add to the situation in the form of Divefire, who is still owed a shot at the Cruiserweight Title, just not against the man he expected. So with all these conflicts floating around, what better thing to do than pair the four off and see if these tag partners can get along, or if they'll grow to HATE EACH OTHER~! New Champ Taiga teams with potential #1 Contender Divefire, to take on former Champ with possible yet to be explored rematch clause Spike Jenkins and a man who wants a shot at Taiga title or not, Spyke... LOL THEY NAMES IS BOTH SAME! The team tentatively known as Spi/yke (or, What A Difference A Letter Makes) will be hoping to make an impression with Genesis Cruiserweight Title plans yet to be finalised. But so will Divefire. Intrigue!


Hardcore Redemption
Insane Luchador vs. X-Punk
2008 has undoubtedly been the year of The Insane Luchador, but his long unbeaten streak and perhaps more importantly his reign as SWF World Champion were both brought to a end at Ground Zero. You could say he went down in a 'blaze of glory', but that'd be a little crass, considering. What you can say is that IL will not be happy and eager for some redemption. Also at Ground Zero, DVS competitor X-Punk put in a most impressive performance, defeating one half of the World Tag Team Champions. With his tag team partner still mired in paperwork problems, now might be the opportunity for the Canadian to break out as a singles competitor. And a victory over the former World Champ would be a hell of a way to break out. But with IL no doubt enraged, could it be a case of wrong place, wrong time?


Special OAOAST Presentation
AngleSlam 2008- 'SWF Commissioner' Landon Maddix vs. Krista Isadora Duncan
Sunday night, August 31st (if we're lucky, we suck at time-keeping there too), SWF Commissioner Landon Maddix competes on OAOAST Pay Per View, but with SWF ramifications. Besides the guaranteed MITB contract for an OAOAST World Title shot (another original idea from the geniuses at the OAOAST!), much more is on the line, thanks to everyone's favourite heir to billions Theodore Moneymaker (yes, I know, "who?", work with me here). Not only $500,000 of his own money to the tournament winner, but for victory over his loathed rival Krista, 15% of his shares in TSM (it's a TV company to us, just play along). Which gets you to thinking. If Landon wins and finds himself shareholder in TSM (the TV company, remember), how long before the SWF finds itself back on the small screen with a new TV deal? Not long at all, which is why Landon has struck a deal with OAOAST management to replay this important match live in the arena and include it on the DVD. But, will Landon triumph and re-change the face of the SWF one year on, or will Krista (you might remember she had a match here once!) play spoiler and crush all our hopes and dreams?


Michael Alexander vs. Legs Flamingo
Yes, you read it right! The long awaited..... debut of Legs Flamingo! Woah man, get those DVD pre-orders ready right now!


Huh?


Who?

Oh, yeah, Michael Alexander. Let's talk about him then, I guess. The former World Champion's anonymous return at Ground Zero threw up a conundrum for our General Manager, Toxxic. On the one hand, he's not a big fan of the man who ended his fifth title reign. On the other hand, Alexander made some pertinent points during his cryptic conversation after the show. Alexander, as we now know, was the man who promised to 'build a new mound of broken opponents', all in pursuit of regaining the World Title. He also promised to Toxxic that he'd bring some credibility and stability back to the SWF. Small wonder then that Alexander's first opponent back is Landon Maddix's new flamboyant signing. Coincidence? Well, what do you think? This ought to make somebody sit up and take notice.


Dance Dance Dragon vs. Danny Meadows
The Dance Dance Dragon hasn't busted a move on SWF soil since Our Super Sweet Sixteen back in July. That's because he's had a busted shoulder, at the hands of Jay Hawke. The Dean Of Professional Wrestling put Triple D on the shelf for daring to be different. But he didn't rid the SWF of him for good. Dragon has been putting extra time in on the dance machines to steel himself for a return. And his time against Jay Hawke will come soon, but not quite yet. For now he can get back onto the dancefloor as he takes on the 'street-wise' (or so he'd have you think) student of Toxxic's Sensational Academy, Danny Meadows, who it's safe to assume has seen nothing like Triple D on the streets of Nottingham before.

[King Cucaracha 0]

"Don't Believe The Hype" by Public Enemy plays to greet us back to the show, bringing out student of General Manager Toxxic, Danny Meadows for his SWF singles debut.

 

"This is your opening contest at A Prelude To Grandeur, set for one fall. Introducing first, from Nottingham, England! Weighing two hundred, fourty two pounds... from The Sensational Academy... DDAAAAAAAAAAAAANNYYYYYYY... MMMMEEEEEEAAAAAAADDOOOOOOOWWWWWSSSSS!!!"

 

Meadows marches down the aisle with a sullen look on his face, completely focused on the ring and not on the quips and insults of the crowd.

 

"And welcome to this last step on the road to Genesis IX, A Prelude To Grandeur, Mak Francis alongside The Suicide King as always. The excitement is building towards our marquee event of the year, the ninth installment if you can believe that. But we've got plenty of action in store before the big dance."

 

"Absolutely Mak. Anybody looking ahead to Genesis could be in for a nasty wake-up call tonight, especially with guys like Danny Meadows trying to make some headway in the SWF."

 

 

A DDR stage hollogram shines down in front of the entrance way and for a while, all is quiet inside the arena. The intro to "Hung Up" by Madonna plays, with the crowd gradually beginning to clap along as they wait patiently for the arrival of The Masked Dance Assassin.

 

"I thought we got rid of this goof?" grumbles King.

 

Eventually, The Dance Dance Dragon calmly walks out. And stops, waiting until the song picks up pace, multi-coloured strobes go freakoutapalooza through the rest of the arena and 'Triple D' starts to bust a freakin' move, people! A couple of scantily clad dancers run out behind the masked man and dance to the sides of him, as Dragon uses the holographic dancepad underneath his feet to show he's lost none of his DDRing rhythm in his absense.

 

"And the opponent. Hailing from Heaven's Dancefloor... he weighs in tonight at two hundred and nineteen pounds! This is THE DANCE... DANCE... DDRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR - AAAAAAAAGGOOOOOOOOOOONN!!!"

 

"YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

 

Dragon and his Dance Dance Dragonettes dance their way to the ring, happy to be back.

 

"Well Jay Hawke certainly thought he'd rid the SWF of the Dance Dance Dragon." points out Mak. "But for the first time in almost two months, Dragon is back, after the shoulder injury inflicted on him in Puerto Rico."

 

Dragon slides into the ring and shows off some of his freestyle dance moves. Across the ring, the super-serious Meadows just stares and wonders what in the hell is going on. Certainly not something he's used to seeing on the streets of Nottingham I'm sure. Dragon finally removes his jacket and is ready to go...

 

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

...but Meadows proves to be even readier and jumps Dragon from behind on the bell! Boos rain down as Meadows clubs away at Dragon's back, weakening him before changing up to some quick kicks to the legs.

 

"Now I know this kid's a student of Toxxic's, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt." King grants. "He seems like he's got the right kind of attitude at least."

 

"He's got a serious attitude, that's for sure.

 

Chopping Dragon's dancing legs down a little, Meadows sets him against the ropes and looks for an irish whip. The Brit drops down for a drop toehold, which DDD reads and avoids, CARTWHEELING over Danny's feet and breaking into some more dancing!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Meadows asks referee Sexton Hardcastle what in the hell is going on as his opponent continues to bust some serious moves. Not appreciated being shown up, Meadows walks over and shoves Dragon in the chest before telling him in some slightly more colourful language to knock it off. Dragon dusts off his shoulder after the shove, which just makes Danny even madder. And he swings for the fences with a roundhouse kick... DUCKED, leaving him open for a schoolboy...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

No!

 

Jumping to his feet, Meadows telegraphs another high kick, this time caught with a Backslide...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

No!

 

Meadows rolls through to his feet and this time connects on a kick, a rolling sobat to the midsection. With DDD doubled up, Meadows then hits the ropes. Dragon recovers though and scoops Meadows up on his shoulders. Then, with some difficulty, he throws the 242 pounder forward and catches him with a simple punt to the ribs on the way down! Meadows sits on all fours winded, until Dragon pulls him down in La Majistral...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

NO!

 

"Toxxic's Sensational Academy student not faring too well in the early going."

 

"And you can help but think this match is some sort of joke at his expense. From what my spies tell me, Toxxic isn't a big fan of Danny's serious outlook on life, so of course sticking him against this ridiculous excuse for a professional wrestler is going to take him off his game."

 

Staying on Meadows, Dragon strikes with elbows to back him into a corner. Irish whip sends Meadows corner to corner, DDD looking for a monkey flip as he follows his opponent in. A shove in the chest sends Dragon away empty handed though. And as Dragon rolls through to a knee, Meadows explodes out of the corner with a hard kick cracking Dragon across the sternum!

 

"You've gotta be a fan of those kicks though." smiles King.

 

Meadows leans down and puts the badmouth on Dragon, even going so far as to SLAP him across the mask insultingly. Hearing boos, Meadows then directs his bitterness towards them, giving them the universal 'up yours' gesture. Climbing to his feet, Dragon makes Meadows pay momentarily for his lapse in concentration, striking him in the face with an elbow. He then returns fire with a kick to the leg. But a shot to the gut shuts Dragon down, before another hard kick to the chest hangs him up on the ropes. Despite calls for a break from the ref, Meadows measures him up and fires off another hard kick to drop Dragon to his knees, struggling for air.

 

"We know that Dance Dance Dragon is slated to get a measure of revenge, taking on Jay Hawke at Genesis IX. But many more kicks like that and he might have to make other plans. Like getting his ribs repaired."

 

Front facelock applied, Meadows takes his opponent over with a snap suplex. Coming off the ropes, Meadows then drops all his weight across the aching ribs with a double stomp... before dropping out with a follow-up back senton!

 

"Shades of Landon Maddix on that one."

 

"I'm sure Toxxic loved that." smirks King sarcastically.

 

Hook of the leg by Meadows...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

No!

 

Not crying over spilt milk, Meadows pulls himself back up and measures Dragon on his way up. With Dragon up to a knee, Meadows delivers a kick to the chest. Dragon rocks back but doesn't go down, earning himself another hard kick. Rocking backwards again, DDD again fails to fall to the canvas, so Meadows loads up again... and gets CAUGHT!

 

"To the well once too often on those kicks!"

 

Meadows hops around on the one foot, as Dragon climbs back up and laces the Englishman over with a Dragon Screw! A howl of pain escapes the self-professed hardman, something he'll surely regret later. For now though the pain is his only concern, as Dragon hauls him up again, keeping hold of the leg for a second Dragon Screw. 'One more' is the signal, bringing Meadows up again... and again hooking him down by the leg! Meadows holds his knee in pain, a serious situation for him. Luckily for him though, Dragon isn't big on submissions. With Meadows down, DDD instead comes off the ropes, leaping over his opponent to the other side, then coming to a stop... and dancing again.

 

"What the hell is he doing?"

 

"I believe that's the Soulja Boy."

 

"The WHAT!?"

 

After that cultural reference of a year ago is made, Dragon drops the elbow. Cover...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

No!

 

Meadows hobbles to his feet and instincts take over as he throws another of his trusty arsenal of kicks. Bad idea, as Dragon throws his forearms up to block and Danny ends up hurting his knee again. As Meadows reaches down for his leg, Dragon hooks him in an inverted front facelock, dropping down with the Diving Reverse DDT!

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Quickly Dragon exits the ring and heads to the top, with the support of the crowd behind him.

 

"Here we go, Dragon is starting to get into his rhythm right now!"

 

"Groan!"

 

Dragon reaches the top just as Meadows hobbles up to met him, taking off with a high Crossbody Block...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Heading straight off to the ropes, Dragon is forced to hurdle Meadows as he drops at his feet. Safely over, Dragon comes off the other side and opens up the hand for the Palm Strike. Spotting it coming, Meadows is able to duck, catching the arm under his and using it throw Dragon backwards. The throw does nothing more than make DDD a little dizzy. But it does create a little bit of space for Meadows to deliver a Step Up Enziguri~!

 

"That'll screw up your 'rhythm' real quick." sneers King.

 

Rather than go for a pin, Meadows makes the classic rookie mistake of calling for the finish and pulling Dragon back up instead.

 

"If Meadows can put The Dance Dance Dragon away, he'd be making a huge statement, not just to his trainer Toxxic but to the entire SWF hierachy."

 

"So, Toxxic and Maddix?"

 

"...yeah, pretty much."

 

Meadows pulls Dragon into a standing headscissors, crossing his arms underneath his chest. Dragon drops to a knee to prevent from being taken up though, then fights to get his arms untied. He's able to get one arm free, allowing him to spin out of the half-straightjacket to face Meadows, booting him in the gut and hooking the arms up for his own coup de gras!

 

"Wait a second, could be the Newbie Killer!"

 

"I'm not sure he can get Meadows up for it to be honest."

 

Hooking both arms, Dragon turns himself underneath Meadows and puts everything he has into lifting the 242 pounder up for the Newbie Killer. In the end though, he puts too much into it, Meadows able to roll all the way over the back and land safely on his feet! After a quick punch to the kidneys, Meadows brushes past Dragon and jumps onto the middle rope in front of him before springboarding back with a twist, aiming a kick at Dragon... WHO DUCKS!

 

"Nobody home!"

 

"Yeah, that was a dumb move." shrugs King. "Again, just being honest. Then again, he is Toxxic's student so maybe it's not such a surprise he'd so something flashy and screw everything up."

 

As Meadows rolls back up, it's Dragon off the ropes...

 

 

 

*SMACK!*

 

 

...and CONNECTING with the Running Palm Strike, lurching Meadows' head back violently!

 

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

 

With Meadows out of it, Dragon flips him over onto his front and heads back to the top, bringing the fans to their feet.

 

"The Dragon is about to spread his wings!"

 

The Dance Dance Dragon reaches the top and carefully stomps his foot on the buckle, building up a good score before he soars off the top, aiming his Perfect! double stomp at the back of The Ill One's head...

 

 

 

 

 

*WHAM!*

 

"PERFECT!" Mak shouts in his best DDR sound-effect voice.

 

Dragon flips the unconscious Meadows back over and covers...

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THREE!!

 

"Dragon is twostepping his way to Genesis with a victory!"

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... THE DANCE... DANCE... DDRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAGGOOOOOOOOOOONN!!!"

 

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

 

Rolling off of Meadows, The Masked Dance Assassin pantomimes to the applause of the crowd, celebrating his Perfect! score. After getting his hand raised in victory, Dragon then busts out some victorious DDR moves, all whilst flapping his arms like wings.

 

"I guess that's as much of a call-out as a mute DDR playing Japanese dragon can make, that he's planning to stomp Jay Hawke's face like it was a DDR mat when they finally meet one on one."

 

"Either that or he's trying to get rid of some really bad pit stains."

 

Dragon exits the ring, leaving poor Danny Meadows to think about how he's going to live down the embarrassment of losing to a dancing masked man. Slapping hands on the way down the aisle, DDD again making the "wing gesture" to the camera making it pretty clear (for him at least) what his focus is on.

[King Cucaracha 0]

Clemson, SC.

 

September 3rd, 2008.

 

Inside the office of commissionner Landon Maddix, two exact sets of noises are heard. An office pen scribbling endlessly on a sheet of paper. And two sets of fingers nervously tapping on an oak desk.

 

7:23PM Eastern time.

 

"Do you mind…?"

 

Megan Skye rests on the leather couch adjoining Landon Maddix's desk, seemingly taking pen to paper in a standard office ledger. With a trace of an annoyed sigh, she scribbles out the small typo she'd just made and resumes work on her manuscript.

 

"I just have a lot to think about, okay?" replies the commissionner. "Last Sunday was just-… It was-… Look, I won't address this right away. I'm just nervous about losing control of the whole situation this time." he says, struggling to find the words.

 

"As opposed to, like, what, all the time…?" replies Megan.

 

Landon just stares, his usual expression of bewilderment painting his face.

 

"Whatever, all right? I'll talk about this once I show my match with Krista Duncan…"

 

"Yeah, how'd that go again?"

 

Before Landon can furrow his brow and reply to the question, a knock is heard at the door.

 

"Come in!"

 

Crossing through the threshhold is Tod James Stuart, dressed in casual cargo shorts and his "Putting On A Wrestling Clinic" t-shirt. His hair is tied up in a neat ponytail, seeing as he sees no action tonight.

 

"Tod! Good to see you!" exclaims Landon at the sight of one of the few wrestlers who he think actually gets along with him. He even rushes out of his seat to shake his hand.

 

"Landon." says Tod. "Meg." he then nods to her, to which she replies with a nonchalant tip of her pen.

 

"To what do we owe this visit?" asks Landon.

 

"I'm here to talk about last month about this match Dan & I were put in against Team Canada." replies Tod, who then gets cut off as he tries to proceed.

 

"Yeah! The DVS guys never saw that one coming. You and your partner gave them a sound beating when they least expected it. Taiga Star might have her share of detractors, but she's still a member of our roster and the way you two helped her out was nothing short of awesome!"

 

"Yeah… I'm all about the SWF brotherly love or whatever. And Dan & I were more than happy to take this one for the team when Toxxic asked us. But I was under the impression that there would be a certain, um… compensa-…"

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

"He's saying that they didn't really have to do it, but chose to do it anyway out of the goodness of their hearts." clarifies Megan Skye from her seat, her attention unwavering from her writing.

 

"Oh. Well don't worry, I know where you're going with that, Tod. Your services have NOT gone unnoticed, my friend. Which is why I've taken the liberty of giving you the night off, AND booking you and your partner each a room at the Lake Hartwell Inn a couple of blocks from here. On me!"

 

"Yeah, there were ants in the bathtub…" mutters Tod. "Still, that's very… appreciated, trust me. But um-…"

 

"Oh, and I've reserved the sky box for the night." interrupts Landon. "So, if you and Daniel wanna watch the show from the sky box-…"

 

"If you can call THAT a sky box…" mutters Megan Skye.

 

"Again. We appreciate it." reminds Tod. "But we were more under the impression that last month was a 'you scratch us, we scratch you' deal." he enunciates, maintaining eye contact as to try and get his point across as best possible.

 

"…Huh?"

 

"Look, the hotel and the night off is very nice. To be honest, we kinda expected in return… something different."

 

"…You're losing me."

 

"He's talking about repaying their favor from last month with something they could actually use." says Megan Skye, this time casting a nonchalant gaze at her superior. "Like, maybe a tag team title shot? Or a match of some sort that would possibly put them in contention?"

 

Tod Stuart's face contorts into a grin upon the pearl of wisdom, then directing it towards the commissionner. It took a full count at the plate, but that last ball was swung into a line drive to center field that easily cleared the fence. In short, the point was made.

 

For his part, Landon's face contorts into a little bit more pain at the thought of having to crunch over yet another decision. One more thing for him to have to think about would be akin to having to stick another clothespin onto your nipples.

 

"… I'll take that under advisement. I'm getting a headache." says Landon, loosening the first two buttons of his shirt. "… I'm gonna go set some tylenol and a Dasani." he finishes, hurrying past Tod and out of his office.

 

…

 

"Whatcha working on?" asks Tod.

 

"Apple pie recipes." replies Megan, once again not taking her eyes off her work.

 

"Right… Later."

 

Soon after the Canadian makes his exit, Megan Skye flips pages in her notebook, briefly giving us a glance at the header displayed on her cover page…

 

"Ways I Could Own Landon At His Job"

 

…

[King Cucaracha 0]

The Littlejohn Coliseum hums with the pronounced susurrus of a packed house. The tiger paw emblem of Clemson University can be seen draped alongside all of the SWF logos and signs. The Suicide King and Mak Francis remain at their appointed places at ringside. “It’s good to be stateside again, King,” Mak says. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder, you know.”

 

“Maybe we could try that with your simple-minded platitudes,” King grumbles. “But I agree, it’s good to be back. And you know what’s even better, Francis? Not only are we returning to the US of A, but Michael Alexander is coming home to the SWF!” King almost squeals with glee at this last.

 

Mak nods. “Why I don’t share your level of…enthusiasm, King, it will be good to see a competitor of Alexander’s caliber back in action. And I’m going to be interested in seeing what Alexander’s opponent tonight has to offer.”

 

“Are you serious? You are actually interested in that Sanjaya clone? What are you after next? Do you want that Hung guy doing our theme music? Was Dance Dance Dragon not enough?” King almost spits out each word.

 

Funyon, the wrestling world’s largest ring announcer, lumbers into the ring, microphone in hand to earn his paycheck. “Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match on the card will be one fall. First, now entering the arena, from Manila in the Phillipines, weighing in at 188 pounds…he is…LLLLLLLLLLLEGS FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMIIIIIIIIINGOOOOOOOOO!”

 

"Fascination" by Alphabeat plays and Flamingo bounds out and adopts his flamingo like ole-legged stance, blowing a big two-handed kiss to the crowd with his plastic lawn flamingo raised in the air. The Filipino then skips his way down the aisle, slapping hands and looking generally happy to be in front of the fans. After setting his lawn flamingo safely at ringside he slides into the ring and hits his flamboyant flamingo pose once more. The beer-addled recently returned college students greet the youngster with puzzled and somewhat ambivalent support.

 

“YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAH…???”

 

“Well,” Mak clears his throat. “That was certainly a flamboyant entrance. It looks like Legs Flamingo is really on his way to getting this crowd behind him.”

 

King almost chokes. “Francis, for MANSON’s sake, did you just see that? He brought a plastic flamingo, a yard-art flamingo, to the ring with him. A FLAMINGO! This is an insult to anyone who has ever laced up a wrestling boot! I swear, even if Landon Maddix had done everything else right since he took over the SWF, this alone would taint his legacy forever. I’m disgusted!”

 

Mak shakes his head. “Look, King, lots of kids just starting out have to do a lot of gimmicks they’re not proud of…”

 

“A FLAMINGO!!!!!!” King snarls. “What’s next, are we going to get a midget wrestler that brings a lawn gnome with him to the ring and wears one of those red cone hats?!”

 

Funyon blares into the microphone once again as Legs Flamingo climbs a turnbuckle to blow more two-handed kisses at the crowd. “And his opponent…from GREENVILLE, SOUTH CAROLINA…” Even through the beer-induced haze the collegiate crowd recognizes the name of the largest city within bar-hopping distance, and it reacts as expected.

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

 

Funyon continues, pleased with his little cheap pop, “...weighing in at 221 pounds…he is the Mad Scientist of the Mat…MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICHAEL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALEXAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDER!”

 

A resounding bell heralds the beginning of “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by Metallica, and a video montage of Alexander’s previous in-ring exploits interwoven with a new branching double-helix fractal graphic. The montage has been updated to include bits that feature Toxxic, MANSON, and Insane Luchador. Blue and white strobes flicker in the arena, and as the guitar kicks in Michael Alexander stomps out onto the stage…with a microphone in hand. “Cut the music!” he bellows. The music stops on command. Michael Alexander looks out over his almost hometown crowd and then focuses on the ring and the figure of Legs Flamingo.

 

“Oh this is going to be good,” King giggles, rubbing his hands in anticipation.

 

“’Good’ being a very relative term,” Mak replies.

 

“First, I have to say that it’s good to be back in the SWF, but especially so when it’s here in the Upstate of South Carolina!”

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

“Did Michael Alexander just do a cheap pop?” Mak asks, incredulous.

 

“Well, he is from the area, Francis,” King points out, surprising even himself with his observation. “If a guy can't get a cheap pop in his home State, where can he do it?”

 

Alexander continues. “Sadly, it’s not as happy a return as it might be. You see, the SWF has been in a downward spiral since I left. It’s been reduced to mindless backstage assaults, matches with insipid stipulations, and spectacles like…THIS.” Alexander points at his rookie opponent in mock concern. Michael nods his head solemnly. “Yes, you just saw a grown man carry a piece of trailer park yard art to the ring, and he is wearing its image on his tights.”

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?” The audience is apparently still apparently confused.

 

“Oh, come on, can't we just have a match?” Mak moans.

 

“Quiet, Francis!” King hisses. “Can't you see he's trying to make a valid point here?”

 

Michael begins to walk toward the ring, still lecturing. “Now, it’s not this poor fellow’s fault. I’m certain that he wouldn’t have chosen such a thing for himself. He’s just a symptom of a greater malaise that has afflicted the SWF. The ridiculous matches, the unsanctioned violence, and ridiculous spectacles like this being perpetrated against the great sport of professional wrestling.” Michael gives that a chance to soak in a bit. The crowd begins to mutter. The Mad Scientist climbs into the ring, motioning abruptly for Funyon to exit. Flamingo, missing the obvious signal of impending violence, continues to smile amiably as he waves to the audience.

 

“I don't like the sound of this,” Mak warns.

 

“I'm sure you don't,” King snarks. “You're perfectly happy to cash your paycheck and fiddle while the SWF burns!”

 

“So, this is why I'm back,” Alexander says. “You all have watched the SWF's descent into the maelstrom since I lost the World Heavyweight Title. And I make no excuses for that. I was beaten. I failed you, the fans, and I failed the legacy of the SWF. But I am here to redeem myself. I'm here to restore the SWF to the grand status it deserves. But things have gone too far for that to be simple or quick. It will have to be a painful, wrenching process, especially for those who have become lost to the corruption that has taken hold, like this poor misguided fool standing in the ring with a flamingo on his trunks.” He points to Legs, who is beginning to suspect something. “Luckily, painful and wrenching is what I do very well. Now, ladies and gentlemen, what you are about to witness will not just be a wrestling match, but an INTERVENTION!” With that last he tosses the microphone out of the ring as he springs forward, blasting the poor rookie with a vicious forearm shiver. Referee Sexton Hardcastle calls angrily for the bell and the match is underway!

 

DING! DING!

 

“I suppose I can't expect anything less from Michael Alexander than a cheap shot,” Mak groans.

 

“Francis, stop whining. Both men were in the ring. Everything is fair game at that point, and it was a rookie mistake for Flamingo to have his guard down.” King replies smugly.

 

Legs staggers back into the ropes, and Michael Alexander follows up with a fireman's carry takedown that chains with frightening speed into a ground headlock. To his credit, Legs almost instantly whips up his legs to scissor Alexander's head, wrenching backwards and breaking the headlock. Michael rolls over to force Legs onto his back, grips the cruiserweight's legs than flips over on top of Flamingo, forcing the young Filipino's shoulders to the mat!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAH!”

 

ONE!

 

TWO...NO!

 

“Nice exchange there by both men,” Mak observes. “Even with the cheap shot, Legs managed to hold his own.”

 

“What? Were you even paying attention? We're barely a minute into the match, and already his shoulders have been on the mat for a two-count! That's not holding your own, that's being schooled, Francis.”

 

Legs kicks out just as the two count is made, and both men are back to their feet again. The Mad Scientist shoots in again, this time for a single leg pick-up that leaves Flamingo hopping on one leg. Unfortunately for Michael Alexander, he has not yet realize that a Flamingo is never more dangerous than when resting on only one leg...which the rookie demonstrates by leaping up and grabbing Michael's head and dropping down suddenly, bringing Alexander's chin into a cracking impact on the top of Flamingo's head!

 

“Nice jawbreaker by Legs Flamingo! You were saying, King?” Mak inquires serenely.

 

“A lucky desperation move,” King gripes. “We'll see how far it gets him.”

 

Michael staggers away as the Filipino gets back to his feet, shaking his head a little from the jawbreaker. Legs adopts his characteristic one-legged stance as Michael Alexander regains his bearings. Seeing this, Alexander charges him, only to receive a crisp standing dropkick for his trouble.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO???”

 

“And a picture-perfect standing dropkick! It looks like that desperation move is getting him pretty far, King,” Mak says.

 

“Please,” King snorts. “He's hit with two moves in a row. I'm supposed to be impressed?”

 

Legs hops back to his feet, but seems a little taken aback by the crowd's reaction. Shrugging it off an aberattion, Flamingo grabs a somewhat stunned Michael Alexander and whips him into the turnbuckle.

 

“Legs with an Irish whip! It looks like he's about to up the count to four with a 'BUTT-BUTT' in the turnbuckle now...!” Mak's voices crescendoes.

 

“Oh come on!” King yelps in frustration.

 

The youngster slaps his BUTT to signal his intent to the crowd, and then charges at his opponent, leaping and twisting in midair to deliver his signature BUTT BUTT...but Alexander drops suddenly underneath the Flamingo's flight path! The Filipino struggles to catch himself before he flies over the top turnbuckle, but fails due to his own moment. Unfortunately for Legs, Michael does manage to interrupt his imminent plunge to the outside by grabbing the Filipino's right leg and holding it as the youngster falls backwards to hang by the pit of his knee to the top rope! With a characteristically cruel smirk, the Mad Scientist captures Flamingo's right foot underneath his left arm and slips his right leg between the second and bottom rope to pull the poor rookie into a brutal and illegal version of the Ouroboros II!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH????”

 

“Yeah, that worked out well for Legs, didn't it?” King chortles. “Now that's what I've missed from Michael Alexander – those holds that no one else even conceives of until he hooks them right off the cuff. This man is gold, Francis. He's just what the SWF needs to get back on track.”

 

“This is completely illegal, King! You know it and so does Alexander. He's just trying to hurt this kid! Even if Legs taps to this, it's useless!”

 

“Francis, you know as well as I do that the point isn't just to always end a match. Sometimes, you also want to do some damage to set things up. And Michael is a master of submission limb work. Everyone should be taking notes right now.”

 

The young Filipino howls in pain as the Mad Scientist conducts his latest experiment. Legs begins tapping madly on Alexander's right leg, but it means nothing as the referee begins to count to break...

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

FOUR!

 

The Mad Scientist breaks at four, releasing the hold abruptly to the consternation of the ref, as this causes Legs Flamingo to drop limply to the outside floor with a meaty whump.

 

“Now that was just uncalled for!” Mak yells. “He just dropped Flamingo to the floor like a sack of bricks!”

 

“What are you crying about now, Francis? Didn't you just beg for him to break the hold?” King asks with a smirk.

 

Referee Hardcastle snarls at Alexander to step away as he looks at the fallen rookie with concern. However, concern or no, he begins his count.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

FOUR!

 

FIVE!

 

Legs begins to pull himself to his feet by climbing the ring apron like a borderline paraplegic.

 

SIX!

 

SEVEN!

 

The crowd actually begins to support the beleaguered rookie now, seeing some of the guts it had to take to appear in public with a large plastic flamingo.

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

 

“Say what you want about this rookie, King,” Mak says. “But even you have to admit that he's showing some serious guts getting back into that ring.”

 

“I don't have to admit anything,” King replies smoothly. “But I will say that it does take guts for anyone to want to get back into the ring with Alexander. Especially after being the subject of one of his little 'experiments' like that leg hook he just used on this kid.”

 

EIGHT!

 

Flamingo hauls himself into the ring by the bottom rope, earning a nod of respect even from Michael Alexander...who nonetheless grabs the rookie by his right leg and drags him toward the center of the ring. The Mad Scientist stretches the leg out on the mat and sets about his business with a zeal that has, if anything, grown during his hiatus. He begins his stomping of Flamingo's right leg at the ankle and strings about five stomps together as he walks his way up to the young Filipino's hip joint.

“Ah, this brings back so many fond memories,” King's wistful nostalgia is almost palpable.

 

“Traumatic flashbacks is more like it,” Mak grumbles. “But you're right, this is classic Alexander. I could appreciate the technical focus of it if he didn't seem to enjoy it so much.”

 

“A man should find joy in his chosen profession, Francis.”

 

Legs attempts to crawl away after the sharp impacts fade, but Michael Alexander is not in the mood to stop just yet. The Evil Genius grabs his opponent's right ankle, stepping over and twisting it into a brutal spinning toe hold. Flamingo is not out of the fight yet, however, and he proves it by surging up to snag Alexander's head, pulling the Mad Scientist over into a small package pin!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH?????” The crowd is still a little unclear on the question of allegiance – local semiheel versus foreign face complicates matters severely.

 

“Holy...! Flamingo with a small package!” Mak gasps.

 

“What...?!” King chokes.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

NO!

 

Alexander kicks out with a snarl of fury. He springs to his feet and drags Legs Flamingo up to batter him with a spinning back elbow! The rookie staggers back into the ropes, using them for most of his support.

 

“No way that was going to work,” King says after a brief sigh of relief.

 

“Don't scoff at the determination it had to take to do that while locked in that spinning toe told. It's a testament to the fire in this rookie that he was able to even try that, King.”

 

Michael doesn't slow down however, as he peppers the chest of his opponent with alternating kesagiri and knife-edge chops to the chest. Flamingo tries to cover up, leading Alexander to whip him into the ropes. As Flamingo rebounds somewhat unsteadily, Alexander catches him under his right arm for what looks like a backbreaker...but Flamingo uses his own momentum to sling his legs up to scissor Alexander's head and fling him to the mat with a flying headscissors!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH??”

 

“Flamingo fights through the pain to deliver a flying headscissors!” Mak shouts.

 

“This kid is sure putting in a lot of effort for a foregone conclusion,” King snipes grumpily. “He should just give it up. Live to fight and possibly walk another day. You know what Alexander's modus operandi is in cases like this. Flamin-gimp is just buying himself a lot more pain in the end.”

 

The Mad Scientist is up quickly, but Flamingo seems to be fired up as well. Even though unsteady on his feet, he manages to fire a couple of slaps to Alexander's chest that are sharp enough to cause Michael's impending onslaught to falter. Now it's Legs' turn to whip the Evil Genius into the ropes, and he returns to his comfort zone by going for a hip attack, connecting this time.

 

“Legs continues his spurt of offense with a hip attack, taking down the former world champ again! This kid is showing some serious heart in his debut match in the SWF, King.”

 

“He's only prolonging the inevitable, Francis. He lost this match when Alexander caught him in that Ouroboros hold and he did that flamingo flop to the floor. He just hasn't realized it yet.”

 

Legs stumbles a little as he lands awkwardly on his injured leg. Alexander gets back to his feet and is a little wobbly himself. Flamingo decides to follow up with a side headlock grapple, taking his characteristic one-legged stance.

 

“There's the Flamingo stance! It looks like he's setting Alexander up for his own version of the bulldog!” Mak ejaculates.

 

“This move would probably be more effective if he didn't telegraph the hell out of it with that ridiculous stance,” King snarks with suprising sagacity.

 

Legs starts to pull Alexander forward into a bulldog, but just as the rookie leaps to add to the impact, the Evil Genius puts on the brakes and snatches Flamingo's right leg up into position to implement his patented inverted dragon screw! Even before Flamingo crashes to the mat, Alexander springs into action, dropping to scissor his own legs around the thigh-hip area of the rookie's right leg. Alexander keeps his opponent's right foot tucked under his left arm, allowing him to tie the Gordian Knot before Flamingo has a chance to realize what is happening to him!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...????”

 

“Alexander reverses the bulldog and ties Flamingo into the Gordian Knot! He's dead center of the ring, too! There's no way out of this!” Mak laments.

 

“Why do you sound so surprised, Francis? We all knew this was where this match would end up sooner or later – with the rookie tied in a knot and tapping out.”

 

Legs Flamingo shrieks in pain as Alexander stretches his right leg in the brutal kneebar variation. For the first second or so, he knows only pain. The next emotion that he experiences is despair as he realizes that Michael Alexander has placed him in the middle of the ring, the struggle to salvation granted by the ring ropes hopelessly beyond him. But there is one escape left to Legs Flamingo...one that can grant him the release he seeks. Its only requirement simply to let go, surrender, and...

 

TAP! TAP! TAP!

 

Amazingly, Michael Alexander releases the hold instantly upon his opponent's surrender. Even the referee is surprised. He rises to his feet and one can see an expression of what could possibly be mistaken for pity on his face as he looks at the beaten rookie cradle his right leg and groan. Sexton Hardcastle calls for the bell.

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

“Wow. That's the first time I've ever seen Michael Alexander release that hold that quickly. Could this be a kinder, gentler Evil Genius?” Mak queries.

 

“Don't bet on it, Francis. I believe Michael just didn't want to waste any more effort on Flamin-gimp. The damage is done, and it's time for him to move on to bigger and better things.”

 

Hardcastle raises Michael Alexander's hand as Funyon drawls, “Ladies and Gentleman, here is your winner...the Mad Scientist of the Mat...MIIIIIIIIIIIIICHAEL AAAAAAAAAAAALEXAAAAAAAAAAAAANDER!”

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH...!” The crowd has apparently decided to go with winning side...even if only because he's local. Strangely, Michael Alexander calls for the microphone once again.

 

“Oh come on!” Mak moans. “Not more of this!”

 

“You know, Francis,” King laughs. “If you listened to Michael instead of moaning, groaning, and whining all the time, you might actually learn something.”

 

“I don't think I care to learn what Alexander teaches, King.”

 

The Mad Scientist raises the mike to address the crowd once more. “What you have seen here tonight was just the first step on a long road to redemption, restoration, and perhaps even renaissance for the SWF. I warned you that it would not be easy, and it will not always be pleasant. But, I promise that in the end we will all be winners.” Michael Alexander looks wickedly down at Legs Flamingo. “Even though it may not seem that way, believe me, son, you have just started down the road to recovery. It's going to be a long, hard, and painful road, but I assure you that in the end, it will all be worth it. Sometimes, redemption just has to hurt.” Michael drops the microphone and rolls out of the ring.

 

“I'll say this, Michael Alexander has certainly come back with a serious focus,” Mak admits grudgingly. “But I really can't agree with his methods.”

 

“Redemption is not for the squeamish, Francis. He just told us things would probably get worse before they got better. But we can see the light at the end of the tunnel now that Michael's back with us.”

 

“Yeah, and that light is probably an oncoming train...”

 

The Evil Genius walks slowly out, looking back at the crowd and Legs Flamingo with a Cheshire grin as we...

 

FADE OUT.

[King Cucaracha 0]

MAK

Right now, we're going to take a brief digression from A Prelude To Grandeur and to something I frankly never thought we'd see on SWF 'programming', if you can call this that, a match contested in the OAOAST. And it's a match with SWF programming implications. Just a few short days ago, our SWF Commissioner Landon Maddix, an active OAOAST contracted competitor, competed at their summer PPV tradition, AngleSlam. Now I'm sure along the way there'll be a better explanation, but the long and short of it is, Landon's opponent in this match was Krista Isadora Duncan, who competed for the SWF once before you may remember. And for years now the OAOAST's Theodore Moneymaker, heir to his father's vast fortune and second largest shareholder in the TV company which carries OAOAST programming 'TSM', has been trying to make her life hell. Maybe because she's a god-hating lesbian. Maybe because he's madly in love with that god-hating lesbian and can't have her.

 

Moneymaker also has his sights set on greater power in the OAOAST. And during the company's recent 'Money In The Bank Tournament' for... the pretty self explanitory prize of a guaranteed World Title contract, Moneymaker volunteered $500,000 of his own personal money for the tournament winner. Good publicity. Less selfless was his second gesture, to offer 15% of his shares in TSM to whomever could eliminate Krista in a desperate attempt to make sure she wouldn't threaten his power as potential World Champion. Krista being Krista, she blazed through everybody with her own brand of irreverent humiliation, on route to the final. Now, only Landon stood in her way. And much as Landon's sights were set on getting a step closer to a second OAOAST World Title, it was those TSM shares that made this such an important match.

 

Simply put, if Landon wins, he holds shares in a TV company. And if he holds shares in a TV company, the odds of him getting us a new television deal are significantly greater than now. So, a match with SWF implications for a grand OAOAST prize. Landon struck a deal with the OAOAST to have this match included on this SWF DVD release, for 'posterity' and this is that match. And if you thought we were bad, your commentary comes from Michael Cole and Johnathan Coachman... there must be some reason why they're the announce team over there, but it's an explanation even I wouldn't be able to make sense of.

 

 

 

 

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen... your following contest, set for one fall... is the FINALS of the OAOAST MONEY IN THE BANK TOURNAMENT!! In which, the winner will recieve $500,000 in prize money...

 

Cut to ringside, where Terry Taylor inexplicably models the suitcase full of bills like a Price Is Right extra.

 

BUFFER

...and, the opportunity to challenge the OAOAST World's Champion at any time for up to one year! At this time, introducing, finalist number one.

 

Down go the lights in the arena, to almost dark, save for a couple of roving spotlights scanning the entrance way. In the silence whistles and cheers can be heard from the crowd, eagerly awaiting this marquee match-up. No cheers go up for the cueing of the music though, largely because nobody was expecting to hear 80's power ballad "Shadows Of The Night" right about now. Confusion hangs over the crowd as two bright lights illuminate the rest of the entrance way from above the lone-star shaped big-screen.

 

"We're running with the Shadows Of The Night

So baby take my hand, you'll be all right

Surrender all your dreams to me tonight

They'll come true in the end"

 

As the drums kick in, those hoping and expecting yet another new theme song for Krista (and let's be honest, who could blame them?) are sorely disappointed, as it's LANDON MADDIX who walks out through the entrance with his arms raised triumphantly at his sides! Landon soaks in the rocking 80s sounds under the boos ringing through the arena, flanked by Megan Skye who is the only one of the two to show any embarrassment over the new song choice. In his element, Landon does a quick twirl into a dramatic bow before ruffling his hair and marches down to the ring.

 

COACH

Only Landon Maddix! Only Landon could come out to a song like this!

 

COLE

Only Landon Maddix WOULD come out to a song like this you mean?

 

BUFFER

Accompanied to the ring this evening by his 'Perfect 10', MEGAN SKYE! He hails from Huron, South Dakota, by way of Madrid, Spain... weighing in tonight at two hundred and eight pounds. He is the leader of Cucaracha Internacional, the Commissioner of the Smartmarks Wrestling Federation, the former OAOAST Champion of the World... he is LLLLAAAAAAAANNDDDDOOOOOOONN... "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMAAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

"You said - oh girl

It's a cold world

When you keep it all to yourself"

 

Landon slows down his walk in accordance with the song, wearing an even bigger smile on his face than usual tonight. Nodding his head he stops in front of maybe the one and only person in the entire city of San Antonio cheering him and shrugs his shoulders, 'humbly' asking that person to save his applause in a show which fools no-one.

 

"I said you can't hide on the inside

All the pain you've ever felt"

 

Of course the rest of the fans lined down the aisleway are all giving him the thumbs down, or other fingers up, so he quickly veers away from the barricade and back to his usual source of support, Megan Skye.

 

"Ransom my heart, but baby don't look back

Cause we got nobody else!"

 

Grabbing Megan around the shoulders, Landon can contain himself no longer and sings along at the top of his lungs, fist clenching, arm pumping, feeling the power of the ballad take over him!

 

 

"We're running with the Shadows of the Night

So baby take my hand, you'll be all right

Surrender all your dreams to me tonight

They'll come true in the end"

 

COLE

Landon clearly in fine form here tonight at AngleSlam. And you couldn't blame him for being extra confident, after the debacle that was that 'debate' this past Thursday night on HeldDOWN~! The sneak attack by the members of Cucaracha Internacional on Krista, who was driven through that podium by the monstrous Faqu, before Landon delivered the Go To Sleep and scored a phony pinfall. Completely unneccessary from all concerned.

 

COACH

Hold up, what do you mean 'phony pinfall'? Did he pin Krista for a 1, 2, 3 or not?

 

COLE

Well he did...

 

COACH

Exactly.

 

COLE

But first of all, it wasn't a referee counting. And second of all, we don't know that Krista wouldn't have kicked out if she had to. The fact remains Krista has never been pinned in one on one competition in her long OAOAST career and if you're seriously going to count that sham last week as a pinfall, then... well, then I guess I shouldn't be surprised. But you shouldn't, that's the point.

 

Climbing up the ring steps Landon saunters down the apron, waiting for Megan to sit herself across the middle rope to hold it open. And, just as importantly, waiting for his music to catch up with him, before bounding into the ring, spinning triumphantly with arms out-stretched in as grand a gesture as possible.

 

"We're running with the Shadows of the Night

So baby take my hand, you'll be all right

Surrender all your dreams to me tonight

They'll come true in the end"

 

COLE

It's usually Krista who makes the grand entrances come Pay Per View nights. I think even she's going to be able to match the grand, over the top energy of Landon. Which is kinda scary when you think about it.

 

Landon is disrobed of his trenchcoat and begins to warm up.

 

BUFFER

And introducing his opponent...

 

Excitement is renewed now, as all eyes turn to the entrance way. Stood across from each other stand two cowboy costumed cowgirls in a heated face-off. Turning back to back, they step out ten paces before reaching into the holsters around their waist, turning... and just then the smooth yet funky synthesized melodies of MGMT's Electric Feel kicks in and the cheers grow ever louder as the fans rise to their feet.

 

"Shock me like an electric eel

baby girl

turn me on with your electric feel

 

Ooh girl

shock me like an electric eel

baby girl

turn me on with your electric feel"

 

The entrance stage is buried in a harmonious, almost sensual and enigmatic turquoise light. Silver sparkling snow begins to lightly rain down from the ceiling, glittering beautifully in the lighting. Out from the back comes Krista, dressed in a ruffled pink ballgown and looking shocked at the gunfight about to erupt. She shrieks for the cow'boy's to quit their fighting, because there's plenty of this fair maiden to go around! Discarding their guns, the two women rush over and embrace Krista, before simultaneously tearing away the ballgown to reveal Krista's wrestling attire, which is only a little more suitable and traditional than a ballgown to be fair. More girls jog out, all dressed like extras from a Preston Sturgis movie. The girls then perform a seductive hoedown (never thought I'd be typing those words) around Krista.

 

COLE

I can't believe I ever doubted Krista was toppable.

 

Standing at the height of the stage, at the center of everyone's attention, Krista Isadora Duncan is handed a martini by one of her dancers dressed in a bartender's costume and she raises it in salute to her dancers before downing it in one. Unfortunately the bartender dancer was only supplied with one martini and it looks like Krista might find use for the discarded guns for a second.

 

BUFFER

And the opponent... from Los Angeles, California! She is a best selling author, a fitness queen, an inductee into The Hollywood Walk of Fame and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, the star of the VH1 reality show the look of love, the Angle Award winning female personality of the year... she is "MISS CALIFORNIA"... KKRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSTTAAAAAAAA... IIIIIISSSSSAAAAAAAAADDOOOORRRRRRRRAAAAAA... DDUUUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!

 

"YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

Leaving the Texas themed insanity behind her Krista marches down the aisle, already casting an icy glare towards Landon.

 

COLE

One thing we've come to realise here in the OAOAST... making Krista angry is rarely, if ever, a wise thing to do.

 

COACH

I think last week proved, the Krista we once knew isn't the same Krista. The Krista we've come to realise stuff from wouldn't have been pinned on Thursday night, would she?

 

COLE

Okay, I can see you're going to keep dwelling on that so let's change the subject and remind everybody, this is for $500,000 of Theodore Moneymaker's own money and the Money In The Bank World Title contract. Plus of course, 15% of Theodore Moneymaker's TSM shares in the offering should Landon defeat Krista, which he says he will use to get the SWF back on television. Huge stakes in this first time match-up, and with these two involved this should certainly be some spectacle. And it could be some night for the Duncan family, with Jade having already pulled off a huge upset by beating Malaysia for the women's title!

 

Krista's legs glide across the apron, then attach themselves to the third rope. She bends herself backwards to the audience's delight, showing the dexterity to still flip the camera off before levering herself gracefully into the ring. Landon watches all of this from a seated position on the turnbuckles, with the nerve to accuse Krista of milking her entrance too much.

 

COLE

Pot, Kettle, Cucaracha.

 

Jumping down from the ropes Landon goes over strategy one last time with Megan before she's moved out of the ring.

 

"KRIS - TA!"

"KRIS - TA!"

"KRIS - TA!"

"KRIS - TA!"

 

COLE

This crowd in San Antonio right behind Krista from the get-go, as we get ready for this historic tournament final.

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

Even with sixty thousand screaming fans firmly standing against him, and a foe firing off a stare that could pierce through steel, Landon is as arrogant and obnoxious as ever. Fluffing his shaggy hair, he struts to Krista with his mouth twisted into a smirk.

 

“I pinned you on HeldDOWN~!” He begins, not phased by Krista's hateful glare “I pinned you and I had a three hundred pound man ram your head through a wooden podium at that. You got any comeback for that, Sara Silverman? That's a comedian right? I think so. Yeah, ya got any come back for that, Sara Silverman?”

 

“Well, honey, I do have this...” Krista trails off innocently and then not so innocently uses her teeth to peel the skin right off Landon's nose! As the fans let loose a monstrous roar, Landon himself lets loose one as well, only his is scream is caused by a horrific pain.

 

 

“Virgin Mary in a strip club! You bit me!” He shouts, covering his nose and cowering away from Krista.

 

Krista puts on her most sickeningly sweet smile “What did you expect me to do?”

 

“Compliment me on my ingenious scheme to pin you on HeldDOWN or my fine choice of new entrance music. Or maybe just slap me?”

 

“Oh, honey, and mess up my French tips? Never!”

 

Having had enough of talking with Landon for the moment, Krissy latches onto his arm and throws him into the ropes. He bounces off the cables, and as he returns he leaps forward and raises both his knees to strike her. But Miss California is far quicker than Mister South Dakota, and surprises him with a Lou Thez press. Together they crash into the ground, with the audience loudly rooting on the former OAOAST tag champ.

 

While being mounted by Krista might be a pleasurable position most of the time, its certainly not one currently as she goes back to feasting on what's left of his nose! Maddix's throat pours out shrill shrieks of agony, that are hardly heard over the cheering of the fans. He tries his damndest to remove the vampric babe, but such resistance only makes her more inclined to bite harder.

 

COLE

I'm going to guess Landon is probably regretting pissing Krista off at this moment.

 

Krista finally dismounts Maddix, and chuckles softly. La Cucaracha doesn't find quite the amusement as she does and complains to senior referee Clem Buzzlefoxer about Krista's foray into cannibalism.

 

“You daft idiot! You're standing two feet away from us! Do you not see her gnawing on my nose? Are you legally blind?”

 

“Yes.” The 86 year old referee bemoans, and Maddix just sort of frowns, humiliated.

 

“This has been lessons in being a dickhead with Landon Maddix. Up next How To Break Your Shoe Off In Landon Maddix's ass and still keep your girlish charm with celebrity fitness guru Krista Isadora Duncan” She comments. To further aggravate her short tempered rival, she begins clicking her heels against the canvas, and urging him on like a Matador. Already snarling like an enraged bull, the Spaniard needs no further invitation and charges her. However, Miss California gracefully slides out the way and Maddix goes zooming past. He stamps his black leather boots on the mat in frustration, which only grows worse when he sees Krista bow to an adoring audience! Once again the GLAAdiator waves him on, and once again Landon charges on. But he's foiled a second time by Krissy's fancy footwork, and the Hollywood starlet bows to the fans once more. In an unusual act for her, Krista notices Landon's fierce glower, and feels a modicum of sympathy for him.

 

“Honey, I'm sorry! It was wrong of me to play into sterotypes of the Spanish by doing a matador bit with you. If it makes you feel any better, why don't you just throw a quarter on the ground and I'll rush to pick it up like it was solid gold and you can call me a cheap greedy Jew.”

 

“I'd think I'd get a little more satisfaction out of beating you for the Money In The Bank contract.”

 

“And I'd get a little more satisfaction out of having your girlfriend in a whipped cream bikini in my bedroom, but we've got to be realistic. So hurry up and give me my quarter, you lazy Italian.”

 

“I'm Spanish! And anyway, I'm not listening to you!” Landon remarks to himself as much as to Krista and then darts at his rival. Krista casually scoots out of the way of his advance and watches with bemusement as he slams into the ring posts., wondering why he charged her when she wasn't doing the matador bit anymore. Putting that issue aside, Krista's long legs carry her towards Landon and her knee is implanted directly into his jaw. Maddix offers a low moan of misery, but the covergirl barely notices he's even there as she's too concerned with fixing her hair after noticing a few loose strands in the video screen. Once she's assured that she's ready for a Panteen commercial, she tucks her knees into Maddix's chest and monkey flips him towards the center of the ring! But, La Cucaracha comes down on his boots, albeit slightly off balance. That doesn't stop the SWF and OAOAST's resident egomaniac from celebrating though, as he points to his noggin to let the audience know how smart he is. His claims of intelligence are quickly refuted as Krista shocks him with a running face crusher, that plants his sore nose into the canvas!

 

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

 

Face down on the canvas, Maddix moans about Krista's usage of the face crusher, not an illegal move, but with a near broken nose, minor things like rules hardly apply. Yawning with apathy, Krista's laidback Californian accent responds, “Get up, Little Maddy. Why do you care if I take a few inches off your pig nose? You're an oink and a curly tail away from the lead role in the next Babe movie. If this SWF thing doesn't work out, and I don't know why a direct to DVD wrestling promotion possibly wouldn't, you can always try the county fair competition!”

 

“I'm not listening to you, you vapid bimbo!” Landon shouts.

 

“If you win you'll get a blue ribbon.”

 

COLE

Why did you make her mad, Landon? Why?

 

Not exactly keen on the idea of working the county fair circuit, the SWF boss leaps to his feet. Krista pounces him by slashing her heels against his shin, and then spinning through the air to blast him in the stomach. The wind knocked out of him, Maddix goes staggering backwards. But, Krista catches onto his wrist and attempts to hurl him into the corner. La Cucaracha shifts his body weight and reverses the hold to send Miss California rushing to turnbuckles. She hits the corner posts with such impact, that she flips through the air and winds up situated on top the ring posts. So dazed by that nauseating trip up the posts, she fails to notice her foe sprinting to her position. When she does become aware of his location, its too late for her to react, and he spring boards off the ropes and blasts her in the face with a dropkick. She's tossed from the turnbuckles and sent flying through the air, a trip that comes to a violent end when she crashes to the mats. The Alamo Dome gasps in horror as they watch Krista lie motionless on the mat. Landon just leans over the ropes and stares her with evil beady eyes.

 

“I'm earning my five hundred thousand tonight! That had to be at least a ten thousand dollar dropkick right there.” He boastfully remarks, as he exits the ring and positions himself on the ring steps. He motions for Krista to get to her feet. But quickly losing patience, he attacks her with a leaping forearm as she reaches her knees. Krista sags back to the ground, besieged with terrible pain. Pleased with that blow, Maddix announces to no one in particular that it was a twenty thousand dollar forearm.

 

“LANDON SUCKS! LANDON SUCKS! LANDON SUCKS!”

 

Landon grabs their heroine by her golden blond hair and leads her upright. He deposits her limp figure into the ring, and then follows her inside. As Landon returns to the ring, Krissy begins a slow trip upright. But whatever threat she may have posed him is immediately neutralized by four stiff kicks to her legs.

 

COACH

Those legs are insured for ten million dollars, man. You mess with those you gonna have to rob all the money in a bank when those dudes from Lloyds of London come knocking on your door step.

 

Weakened by Landon's unrelenting assault, Krista is unable to prevent him from taking hold of her slender waist and shoving her into the corner. As she hits the ring posts an “oomph” is forced out her bubble gum pink lips, and a smile is forced onto Landon's who deems that a two thousand dollar attack. He then attacks her bare stomach, hitting her with with all the might in his lean body. But as a fitness queen, Krista's six packed stomach could deflect bullets, and Landon's attacks as furious as they may be, are only minor annoyances. Megan realizes this rather quickly, and informs Landon. But ever the stubborn one, the pride of Madrid has to strike her two more times before discovering he's having hardly any affect. Angered by the fact that she's not an obese slob with a soft stomach, Landon pulls her away from the ropes in order to terrorize her with a trio of knees that strike against her face. Miss California whimpers in distress which causes her tormentor to feign tears and then burst out laughing.

 

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

 

COLE

You probably shouldn't attack Krista's face, unless you just like living in mortal fear for the rest of your adult life. Then go right ahead and enjoy using handicap parking till your dying day.

 

Perhaps heeding Cole's wise advice, Maddix spins behind Krista and coils his arms around her sexy stomach in a waistlock. As La Cucaracha tries to bring her up for a German Suplex, the bombshell steadfastly fights against her clutches. Yet its obvious to her she won't be able to combat his strength forever, thus other measures are required. Thus she begins grinding and rubbing her her firm round tush against his crotch. All thoughts of a German suplex are erased as her luscious BUTT sends a tidal wave of pleasure washing over him.

 

MEGAN

 

COACH

Damn! Landon better pack heat and roll with the Nation of Islam anytime he's backstage around one of D*LUX, 'cause those dudes just lost their shit!

 

Reduced into a drooling primate in dire need of a new change of tights and some tissues, Landon is unable to maintain his grip and Krista effortlessly busts free. She whips around to his front, and with a hand on his shoulder brings him down with a jaw breaker! Maddix remains upright, but goes teetering backwards, his vision swimming from the violent force of the move. Because of his mangled sight, he can't prevent Krista from lacing her ten million dollar legs around his neck and hurling him over with a frankensteiner! Landon's head rings louder than a cathedral bell and he's sent skidding across the canvas, to the fans immense pleasure. Despite this crash landing, the silver tongued Spaniard is quick to get back upright. Unfortunately, his feisty enemy is quick to pounce on him; she leaps into him with her knees pressed against his chest for the KIDology (codebreaker)! The audience is ready to explode with monstrous cheers for her finisher, but Landon snuffs out their joy, by falling backwards and using his hold on her slender hips to fling her to the ropes. The crowd's delight turns to worry then finally back to delight as they watch the lithe beauty land with her feet placed firmly on the ropes.

 

COLE

Krista going for that move that eliminated Leon Rodez!

 

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

 

“Hey, I did that all in high heels, that's damn impressive. I'm gonna need a little more than a loudly stated well synchronized reminder of what my name is.”

 

“ALL HAIL KRISTA! ALL HAIL KRISTA! ALL HAIL KRISTA!”

 

Satisfied with being recognized as royalty, her highness flings herself backwards at Maddix with a lionsault. La Cucaracha is well prepared for her arrival and ducks beneath her ascending body. But yet again, she frustrates him beyond all belief by having a safe landing on her heels. The audience is ready to praise their queen, but she kindly informs them that won't be necessary. But the fans soon lose any reason to feel happy as Maddix shocks Miss California and captures her on his shoulders in a standing fireman's carry. Knowing full well what lies ahead, the sold out arena gets to its feet and bombards the former SWF World Champion with venomous boos.

 

“All hail, Landon Maddix!” He shouts. “All hail the ten time SWF World Champion!”

 

“Its only two times, Landon.” Megan corrects.

 

“Shut up, they don't know that!” He whines. Unable to take his anger out on Megan, as that would be spousal abuse, Maddix takes it out on Krista, throwing her off his shoulder and raising his knee for the Go 2 Sleep! However its La Cucaracha who's nearly knocked into an eternal slumber, as Krista snakes her arms around his neck and smashes his head into the canvas with a crowd pleasing DDT! Assailed by a pounding headache, Maddix remains on the ground, urging the elderly referee to reward him the contest by virtue of the fact that he's never voted for cutbacks on Medicaid.

 

COLE

Landon Maddix was only a knee lift away from getting the SWF back on live TV and repeating as Mister Money In The Bank! If you have Krista set up for the kill you have got to finish.

 

LANDON SUCKS! LANDON SUCKS! LANDON SUCKS!”

 

The audience behind Krista are given a rear view worth well more than a half a million, as Krista bends over and awaits Maddix's rise from the canvas. To bide the time she twirls imaginary guns like a wild west slinger. Fortunately, Landon rises and the miming needn't last long and Krista scorches towards him with her second KIDology attempt!

 

“YEAAAAAAAA!”

 

But Maddix catches onto her legs and violently shoves her back to the ground, a forceful counter that even sends him teetering backwards to the ropes.

 

“BOOOOOOO!”

 

Crumbled in a heap and tormented by an agonized back, Krista is easy pickings for Maddix. He smiles broadly as he hooks onto her legs and leaps through them for a jack knife pin. Buzzlefoxer drops to his arthritic knee (and one fake leg!) to make the count...

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Krista's shoulder comes off the canvas, thrilling the audience, while aggravating Maddix to no end. He complains to the official, pulsing anger creeping into his voice. But he manages to calm his issues with the referee enough to return his focus to Krista. He batters her with stomps to her sore back, delighting in her every cry that his attacks generate. Unable to endure the mounting pain he brings her, she rolls across the ring floor in small hopes of making an escape. Maddix is merciless and hounds her with stomps targeted at her back. He determines he's done enough to weaken her with simple strikes and decides to move onto more deadly attacks. Thus, with a grip on the back of her vest dress he lifts her off the canvas. But just as quickly as he lifted her up does he put her back down, courtesy of a lung blower. Krista bounces off his knees onto the mat and bawls her pain, drawing worried expressions onto the spectators' faces.

 

COACH

Landon invited me out to his victory dinner party later tonight. I'm gonna order me an extra extra large plate of Aussie Cheese Fries with ranch dressing and fried onions.

 

COLE

I don't think that's a good idea, Doctor Doris Carnnes said that's America's least healthiest food.

 

COACH

I ain't gonna let no bitch tell me what to eat! And a female doctor? You think cause you give a woman a book instead of havin her cook you a meal or wash your feet that makes her a doctor? Just cause you teach a monkey to wipe its ass don't mean what's on the toilet paper ain't shit.

 

La Cucaracha brings Krista to her feet and rocks her jaw with a spinning back fist. The blow packs enough punch to floor the starlet, but Maddix keeps her upright with a front facelock. He brings Krista into the skies, then punishes her by dropping her directly onto her head. As she lies face down onto the canvas, he follows that up with a twisting leg drop onto the back of her skull.

 

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the fans try to rally their heroine. Drawing strength from their support, Krista regains her footing. But she can't offer them the flurry of offense they've been begging for as Maddix is quick to keep her weak with straight kicks to the back. He then forces Krista onto his shoulders in the all too familiar fireman's carry hold. Inching closer to the ropes, he showcases his beautiful victim to the wrathful audience, before finally slinging her off his slim shoulders and rifling his knee towards her face! Unwilling to see any harm done to her moneymaking appearance, Krista shifts her body in midair and totally avoids Landon's finisher. The audience goes wild with glee, but Landon is paralyzed in utter shock at missing his Go 2 Sleep.

 

Now its Krista's time for revenge, and she gets it in the most pain inducing way possible, shredding Landon's skin with a vile knife edge chop.

 

“AHHHHHH!” Landon yells, the pain almost bringing him to his knees. “God bless America, don't do that!”

 

“Why not?”

 

“I had a pectoral tendon rupture when I was in grade school and a bully tied me to the monkey bars by my nipples, and I've never gotten over it. You don't wanna be like these other jerks who keep chopping me to hurt me. That's what wrestlers do. You're better than that. You're a celebrity. Stay classy, baby.”

 

Krista thinks it over for a moment, “Gee, honey, even for a guy who openly boasts about being the commissioner of a direct to DVD independent wrestling promotion without any hint of irony, you suck a lot more than I thought. But very well, Little Maddy, I won't hit your poor widdle chest.”

 

LIES

 

 

“SAY *CHOP* YOUR *SORRY* FOR *CHOP* PUTTING *CHOP* ME *CHOP* THROUGH *CHOP* THE PEW *CHOP*” There's a moments pause as the audience enthusiastically celebrates her beating, and Krista continues “SORRY *CHOP* I *CHOP* MEANT “*CHOP* PODIUM *CHOP* NOT *CHOP* PEW* *CHOP*!

 

“Owwww” Landon moans, his cry coming out as little more than faint choking sound.

 

“OWWWW? *CHOP* WHO *CHOP* THE *CHOP* FUCK *CHOP* IS *CHOP* THIS *CHOP* OWWW *CHOP* BITCH *CHOP* FUCK *CHOP* YO *CHOP* MOTHERFUCKIN *CHOP* CHEST *CHOP* WHITEBOY! I'LL *CHOP* CHOP *CHOP* THE *CHOP* MEXICAN *CHOP* OUTTA *CHOP* YOU *CHOP* BITCH!”

 

“I...I...I'm Spanish.” Maddix whines, instantly regretting it.

 

“YOU'LL *CHOP* BE *CHOP* GOD DAMN *CHOP* KLINGON *CHOP* IF *CHOP* A *CHOP* BITCH *CHOP* SAYS *CHOP* YOU *CHOP* ARE!”

 

COLE

Landon said things would be different here at Angleslam, but he all but sealed this fate in the closing minutes of HeldDOWN~! Why oh why did you ever piss her off, La Cucaracha?

 

Finally, Krista relents, and Landon is left to hear the raucous ovation fans instead of the sound of his skin being mutilated. As agony gnaws at his chest, his opponent takes off to the ropes. He lowers his head, hoping that she'll simply leapfrog him. This proves to be a profoundly stupid tactic, as Krista just rifles her foot into his chest. Maddix rockets back upright, as excruciating pain plays on his facial features. That's the perfect look for Krista, and the walk of famer leaps into his chest for another KIDology effort. The audience, who were ready to toast to a KID victory, are sorely disappointed when Maddix once again brushes her away from him. Their disgust is tempered somewhat when they see her come down on her heels. And that disgust is totally evaporated as those heels blast Landon in his chest with a dropsault. Krissy again lands on her feet, and further wows the audience by twisting into a standing shooting star press that nearly caves in Landon's chest. Krista then blows the audience a kiss. Ain't that sweet?

 

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the crowd sings as she covers Landon for a pinfall

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Landon lifts his shoulders off the canvas, and the audience douses him with boos. Krista throws a nasty glare at Buzzlefoxer for a slightly slow count. Fortunately Clem is half blind, otherwise he might be a tad worried that Krista is planning on bringing his long life to a short end.

 

COLE

In Krista's industry these retries of the KIDology are called retakes.

 

COACH

In our industry, you're called a jackass.

 

Krista is back on her feet, making sure she hasn't got any of Landon's blood on her bright white heels. Guarding his chest like he's bundling a baby, Maddix slowly steps upright. The moment he reaches his feet Krista grabs onto his arm and launches him into the ropes. As he returns, the arrogant superstar is leapfrogged by the arrogant celebrity. Maddix skids to a halt, thinking he can capture Krista unaware with the Landon Eye. Unfortunately his plan goes up in brilliant flames as Krista executes an inverted atomic drop to his nether regions. Eager to show he's well endowed in that area, Landon screams as though he just got stabbed with an ice pick. Krista attempts to silence his wailing with the thundering superkick that completes Krista's Great California Adventure. But, Mister Money In The Bank recovers from his man pain just in time to catch hold of her boot. This does not please Krissy in the slightest.

 

“Honey, these are eight hundred ninety five dollar pumps, if I find a single one of your little paw prints on them I'll have you in Afghanistan picking opium for a Taliban drug lord by day and working the Thailand prostitute circuit by night. I can do that, my dad's in congress.”

 

Landon calls Krista's bluff, and while she doesn't have him working the streets of Bangok just yet, she does scramble his brains with an enziguri. Face drained off all life, La Cucaracha flips over onto the mat. With his chest exposed he's left perfect victim for the high angle double knee drop Krista drives into his chest. As Landon whimpers and the crowd cheers, Krista tries another pinfall...

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Landon keeps the SWF's dreams of a return to television prominence alive with a kickout. He's quickly back to his feet and tries to repay Krista for his earlier anguish with a chop to her ample chest. But theattack does nothing but leave Landon hypnotized by the boobie jiggliation he's just caused.

 

“Try it again!” Terry shouts disguising his words in a Mickey Mouse voice so as Krista won't embalm him latter.

 

Assuring Megan that he's acting strictly on athletic motivators, Maddix retries his effort to same gravity defying results. A delighted smile (and a few other things) rise and he winds up to send her betties bouncing. But Krista takes advantage her mesmerizing breasts to hook her arms around his neck in preparation for The Blonds Never Pay a Cover (Side Effect). She drives him down into the canvas, to a large pop from the fans. Maddix hurriedly stands back up only to be captured by the sight of her jiggling jumbos and then by a second side effect! Back to his feet and she tries to give a taste of Life In The Fab lane. However, without bouncing breasts to distract him, he has her number and counters her twist of fate efforts by driving her onto her neck with a Northern lights suplex. Maddix gives himself delighted applause for his “achievement”, a gesture that's returned by absolutely no one, not even Megan.

 

“LANDON SUCKS! LANDON SUCKS! LANDON SUCKS!” is the annoying message he hears as he makes his way towards the turnbuckles. Informing the audience that he'll make certain their cable boxes are banned from receiving the new SWF Tv show, La Cucaracha heads up top. He crouches on his nest, impatiently waiting for Krista to rise off again. Only when she does just that, he's vexed even further as Krissy complains of missing a contact.

 

“You don't even wear cont...”

 

Maddix's words trail off into an amazed stammering brought on by Krista's splendid bouncing BUTT. His head swims and his every nerve tingles with rapture as her buns of steel beautifully writhe and pulse just inches from his widened eyes.

 

“YEAAAAAAAA!”

 

COLE

Page 142 Chapter 7 Line 17 of KID 101: How To Be Darned Fabulous and Make Truckloads of Money In The Process reads-”You will look at my curvy BUTT”

 

Reduced to a blubbering, and very aroused mess, Landon doesn't have the sense to notice that Krista's booty grinding has been cut short and she's closing in on him with bull rush speed. Within seconds she scales to the top turnbuckles and her knees go into his chest for a lethal top rope KIDology! But, thanks to many panicked screams from Megan, Landon rejoins us in reality, and catches Krista's body within his arms. The audience gasps in panic, that worsens considerably as they watch La Cucaracha shift her onto his shoulders in a fire man's carry position.

 

COLE

A top rope Go 2 Sleep? That's what put out Christian Wright in the first round!

 

COACH

My man took out Moneymaker's best friend in the first round, and he gonna do the job on his worst enemy in the finals!

 

“Holla atcha boy, I get money!” Landon screams to a horribly humiliated groan from Megan.

 

Landon rises and so to does the booing of the Texans. He flashes them an evil grin before leaping forward and trying to swing Krista off his shoulders. That's when his plan goes array as Krista snakes her arms across his neck and pulverizes it against the canvas with an inverted DDT! The mood of the fans instantly shifts and they pour out a sustained roar for her counter.

 

COACH

Damn, damn! If that'd hit Landon would've made history, Mikey. Two time Money In The Bank winner, first person to pin Krista one on one, and the man who got the SWF back on television with Da Coach lending his hip urban yet sophisticated style to their commentary booth.

 

That incredible counter seems to have drained even more energy from Krista than Landon, as the Los Angeles native lies against the turnbuckle trying desperately to regain her fleeting breath. Thankfully there's minimal pressure put on her by Maddix, who has dragged his battered bones to the outside. He tries to discuss strategy with Megan, but given recent events is forced to explain to her that he's a man and he has needs. The subject of their bickering finally stirs, and advances onto the ring apron. This goes unnoticed by Maddix who screams like a child when she ambushes him with a flying forearm!

 

COLE

You do know the SWF has an announce team already correct?

 

COACH

Man, to hell with those no name herbs. Da Coach does it real b-i-g style. ESPN, WWF, OAOAST, I bring swagtastic magic wherever I may roam. Plus, I get away from you, and get paid handsomely to do so.

 

Krista traces her tongue around her luscious red lips at Megan, and with her boyfriend still doing his childlike wailing, that's an offer The Perfect 10 seriously considers. Giving Megan some time to mull it over, KID grabs onto Maddix's stringy hair and guides him towards the Lithuanian (!) announce table. Her intention is to introduce his skull to hard wood, a meeting Landon wants no part of. Thus he overpowers her grip, and before she can fight back he throws her into the table. The audience boos as they see Krista's anguished face magnified on the big screen. Landon, however, is more than thrilled, and fluffs his hair in triumph.

 

COLE

You don't have to like Landon Maddix, I'm not even sure Megan does, but you have to admit he's as resilient, smart, and sneaky as any superstar in sports entertainment.

 

Maddix strides forward with a confident swagger and snares Krista into a front facelock. He pulls her limp body away from the table, and with a hook onto her mini skirt, lifts her into the air. There's short pause by La Cucaracha to let the fans register her impending doom. Then he slams her stomach first across the announce table, sending the announcers scattering, and the fans recoiling in horror. Krista goes skidding off the table to the vacated chairs. They provide very minimal cushion but not enough for her preferences and they quickly dump her to the floor that feels so cold against her bare skin.

 

“How are those six hundred dollar heels now, honey?” Landon snorts. “Oh, excuse me, honey, I meant eight hundred, how rude of me, honey!”

 

Krista is in serious pain, and what would normally be grounds for murder, being mocked, is met with a weak grunt of defiance that Landon can barely hear. Back to fluffing his hair, Landon merrily skips to behind the announce desk where Krista's agony paints a picture of sadistic glee on his face. With his fingers wrapped through her golden hair, he scrapes her off the floor and leads her out in front of the table. He winds up, ready to deliver a knock out blow, but as his fist heads towards Krista she blocks it with a forearm. Wild cheers fill the arena, as Krista begins ripping apart his chest with knife edge chops! But the bliss of the audience is frustratingly short lived as Maddix ends her comeback with a rake of her bright blue eyes.

 

“LANDON SUCKS! LANDON SUCKS! LANDON SUCKS!”

 

COACH

Like you said, he's resilient and he's smart!

 

COLE

He's also a cheap dirty bastard, I forgot to add.

 

As Krista is momentarily blinded she has no defense from Landon scooping her into the standing fireman's carry. The fans again go ballistic in booing for the G2S. But, Landon shocks them all by doing something far more deadly than his famous finisher; he throws Krista forward and lets her neck snap off the edge of the announce table! Krista's head spins, the blood pounds in her ears, and she lets out a heart wrenching shriek as she falls to the floor.

 

COLE

A modified G2S onto the announce table! What lengths won't this man go to win?

 

COACH

Why shouldn't he? He's got a half a million dollars waiting, a company depending on him, and a guaranteed world title shot. And I'm out here trying to show the youngsters not to love these ho's, and you catching feelings off a lesbian bitch? That's foul, we gotta set the example for the next generation.

 

Adrenaline is pumping through Landon's body, and pure energy stalks him about the outside. Feeling nearly invincible, he shoves a camera guy out the way and climbs the ring steps to proclaim “You are in the presence of greatness! Bask in it, people! Bask in it!”

 

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!”

 

Pain wracked and possibly concussed, Krista doesn't even think to fight back against Maddix as he drags her off the mats. He uses her mini skirt as a leash as he walks past hateful crowd members around the ring. Upon reaching his destination, he chucks KID into the steel steps. Her head crashes into the metal, and the pain is greater than any she's felt all match. Though she's possibly in need of medical attention, Maddix refuses to offer her a second to recuperate. He grabs back onto her skirt and leads her off the mat. She sags within his grip, hardly having the strength to stay upright. She doesn't need to stand much longer however, as her rival throws her head into the steps once more. As she falls back to the ground the pain becomes so great she can no longer fashion sounds, and only croaks softly. Amused beyond all right by his carnage, Landon mocks Krista's vanity by checking himself out in an imaginary compact mirror.

 

COLE

For our SWF viewers watching this on Prelude To Grandeur I just want to assure you that not all of our referees are senile narcoleptic twits incapable of performing a countout and a disqualifcation. Only six of them are.

 

Krista is shoved back into the ring by La Cucaracha. He buries his boot in the back of her head, then watches entertained as she struggles in vain to get to her feet. After she sinks back to the canvas, defeated by her misery, he rushes in and drops an elbow onto her head. The fans spew venom at him, which causes him to lean through the ropes and smile as disingenuous a smile as his lips can possibly form.

 

COLE

Why do I never fail to be disgusted and annoyed with Landon Maddix?

 

COACH

'Cause you a bitch, duke.

 

Nails dug into the mat, Krista crawls across the ring. She has no clue where she's going, but only knows that movement is the only thing that keeps her conscious. But, La Cucaracha stops her dead in her tracks with another running elbow to the head. As the pain from that blow sends shockwaves through her head, she wants to pass out. But, she's held awake by Landon sitting on top of her and holding her weary face out towards a booing crowd.

 

“Awww what's the matter, Krista? Why so glum? Your mascara running?” Landon asks then chuckles to Megan.

 

“LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!”

 

Maddix picks Krista up, and uses her vibrant hair as a leash to lead her to the corner. His plan is to use the posts to beat her into an early retirement. But Krista blocks his first attempt, and draws a mighty cheer form the fans as she hammers Maddix's face into the posts. Enraged that he would even consider touching her supermodel features, she brutally ravages his visage against the ring posts. The only thing that stops her is a warning from the suddenly awake senior referee. Not bothering to argue with Clem, Krista rushes to the ropes, timing her return to catch Landon as he stumbles out the corner. Her ten million dollar legs leap into his chest in another try for the KIDology. But, Maddix is again up to task, and recovers enough of his strength to spine buster her to the ground!

 

“BOOOOOO”hisses the audience as a hair fluffing Landon struts across the ring before coming back to assail Krista's head with his latest elbow drop. Assured that Krista's been sufficiently pummeled, he hooks her leg for what he dubs a “$500,000 pinfall”

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

But, Krista somehow finds the strength she needs to kickout!

 

“YEAAAAAA!”

 

COACH

Landon is so close, Mikey, so close to doing the unpredictable and defeating Krista Isadora Duncan. And who better to do it than him, the only man to hold both the SWF and OAOAST world championships?

 

Maddix crouches over, eying down Krista with predatory intent, waiting for her to stand so he can strike. She rises weakly, unaware of the vicious maneuver the SWF Commissioner has in store for her. He exposes her to his master pla, by jumping into her with a front facelock and bringing her down with a body scissors. Hisses and jeers come down from every corner of the arena, as Landon loudly announces Krista imminent submission.

 

COLE

Wet Cement! Wet Cement!

 

“Or Grand Theft Taamo” Megan remarks, confusing Cole and anyone's who never read an SWF show.

 

Krista wants to clutch her head, her pounding ears, to punch Maddix, anything that will drive this ruinous pain out her skull. Her body is shot through with paralyzing agony, and almost as though he can sense it, Maddix breaks out with a demented smile. He looks almost satanic smiling that smile that grows wider as Krista's eyes explode in pain.

 

“LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!”

 

“Tap! Tap, woman, tap!” Maddix screams.

 

Landon's words of discouragement are drowned out by the sixty thousand in the crowd, urging Miss California to find the strength needed to break free of her foe's grip. But all she does is gasp and gurgle as Maddix's hold grows ever tighter.

 

COLE

We all know Krista's never lost a one on one match in her life, but she's never submitted period. Landon is a tap out away from two historic firsts and a guaranteed world title opportunity!

 

Krista lies there gasping her every breath labored, each one coming harder than the one before it. Her head feels as though it were on fire, and her pulse thuds through her ears. Even with all this mounted against her, and Maddix begging her to submit, Krista hasn't lost the will to continue to fight. Her hands are free, and they hammer Landon's face with every ounce of strength they can possibly muster. At first they do little more than just give the depressed fans something to cheer for. But, as both of Landon's arms are occupied with her head, they soon begin to do damage to the Spanish import.

 

“LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” the chants are more enthusiastic than before, in large part due to Landon's grip noticeably weakening. She continues to batter away at his face, never once stopping no matter how many times she feels her consciousness slipping away. Finally she strikes pay dirt, and a nasty punch across Landon's still sore nose causes him to break the hold and protect his face out of instinct.

 

COLE

And Krista is free, showing the same resolve Jade did to beat Malaysia earlier tonight!

 

Maddix regains his footing, and his twisted grin is replaced by a twisted snarl. That anger drives him at Krista with arms raised in a polish hammer. However, she greets his arrival with spinning kick to his gut. His beat red chest is further mauled by rage fueled chops that enchant the audience. As Landon is left in a torturing haze, Krista rushes to the ropes and returns to bowl him over with a high flipping lariat! Just as soon as he touches the ground Miss California is back off the ropes and her lovely tan legs obliterate him with a crowd popping spinning wheel quick! Yet, Maddix gets up remarkably fast, and bum rushes Krissy with a lariat. Thankfully the beauty is prepared for his arrival and catches him with the Blonds Never Pay a Cover (Side Effect)!

 

“LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!”

 

Clutching onto his sore neck, Maddix uneasily rises to face his reenergized foe. But she's no where to be found, having made another trip to the cables. By the time Maddix gets a read on her, her bare legs are leaping into him for one more try at the KIDology. Again Maddix sternly refuses to fall prey to the move and shoves her away. Although she lands on her feet, that's of small comfort to the fitness queen, and highly annoyed, she rumbles at Maddix in blind rage. That blind rage brings upon her downfall, as Maddix simply ducks low and lets her glide onto his shoulders in set up for the G2S!

 

“BOOOOOOO!”

 

COACH

Here we go!

 

Weakened by such a trying match, Maddix has a devil of a time keeping hold of Krista's baby oil soaked body and she succeeds in gliding down his back to her freedom. But its freedom that doesn't last for more than a few seconds before the OAOAST's "Savior" shocks her with a stunner! Krista timbers back to the canvas like a mini skirted tree, and the wrathful audience assaults Maddix with jeers. While he attempts to win the audience to his side with more hair fluffing, Krista rolls to the ring apron to try and still the throbbing headache that nearly cripples her. Only mere seconds later her time to recover is interrupted by Landon taking hold of her hair. He lifts her up and snags her into a front facelock. Almost immediately she tries to break out his bonds, but his strength is too great for her and he extends her body forward to leave her draped over the ropes. A quick victory nod to Megan comes before La Cucaracha DDT's his popular foe into the canvas! With his arms still tied like a noose around his neck, he rolls her upright and then strikes her with a second DDT! She's puddy within his grip as he brings her up again for a third and final DDT. The fans say a little prayer that their girl can pull through, as Maddix rolls her over for a pinfall....

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

Miss California sends the capacity crowd into a frenzy by shooting her shoulder off the mat just in time to keep the MITB briefcase out of Landon's possession.

 

COACH

Landon is close, Mikey, cause every move that targets her head gets him a little closer to hitting that G2S. And when he hits that move its a over for Krissy. Or "its a wrap" as she says in Hollywood.

 

COLE

He has to hit the move first. I think we're in double digits for missed finishers!

 

Landon gets to his feet and stalks across the ring awaiting his foe to stand. As she slowly begins to stir, he begins dripping with malice and rage. The ropes help her to feet, but her confused state forces her into the waiting arms of Maddix who hoists her up for his latest G2S effort! But, Krista again slithers down his front, and before this even has a second to settle in his mind, she's dropkicking him in the chest! Her powerful legs launch him clear across the ring where's he tangled in the ropes, almost a sitting duck for the GLAADiator. She lets out a roar worthy of a gladiator then stampedes towards her rival. Yet, Maddix isn't nearly as incapacitated as she believed, and she's exposed to this chilling fact when he ducks to the ground, bringing the top rope with him. Incapable of hitting the breaks on time, Krissy is thrown from the ring! Like a crippled leather bound bird she falls, letting out a long terrified scream before splattering onto the outside mats. The audience reacts with cringes and cries, not knowing if the feisty Californian can take any more punishment. For his part Landon tries to win them over and screams, “Look at all this Madnificence! You know you want it! You know you love the Madnificence!”

 

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!”

 

COLE

Did he say Madnificence? Do you really want this man on TV twice a week? You'd have Amnesty International protesting the TSM offices for crimes against humanity.

 

Hearing Krista's cries beneath the bile of the audience, Landon senses blood in the water and quickly departs the ring. He rushes to Krista's location, wanting to get there before she recover even a smidgen of her strength. With his hand wrapped around her skimpy vest top he hauls her off the mat. Then he whips her towards the steel steps with such incredible force he himself falls to the ground. Miss California is rammed head first into the metal, completely dislodging the steps and sending worried gasps from the mouthes of the fans. Their concern isn't eased any as she rolls over onto her back, face totally void of any life.

 

“LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!”

 

COACH

When Landon Maddix gets back to the SWF lockeroom, every one in there better stand up and praise him as a leader, and a hero because my man is going all out here tonight to make their world a better place to live.

 

COLE

He's ramming a single mother of two who weighs over fifty pounds less than him into steel steps. He's a great American hero. He makes John Wayne look like a charter member of the Taliban.

 

Maddix roughly yanks her upright and deposits her back into the ring. He quickly scampers inside himself, where he hooks her leg for a crucial pin fall...

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Krista hauls her shoulder off the canvas at the last possible second, and the fans rejoice with more chants of her name. While Megan reacts with total disbelief at Krista's escape, Landon only shrugs his shoulders in cool arrogance. But, his girlfriend can't match his unshakable confidence and hastily begins barking orders.

 

“You've got to try the Go 2 Sleep!” She shouts.

 

“Instead of being miss negative all the time,” Krista comments “Why don't you be miss help a playa out by jumping onto the apron and taking off your top to distract Krista?”

 

Enraged that Krista can even formulate a complete sentence, much less solicit his girlfriend, Maddix bum rushes wrestling's favorite lesbian cougar. But Krista meets his arrival with an elbow that sends him staggering backwards. Landon's moment of incapacitation gives her all the time she needs to springboard off the second rope and strike him with an enziguri! As the spectator toss humongous cheers in the air, a lifeless Maddix flops to the floor, and Krista begins fluffing her wonderful hair. One might assume she's mocking him, but given how narcissistic she is that's highly doubtful.

 

COLE

Well, Megan and Landon always have a plan, its just sometimes Landon isn't quite smart enough to follow it.

 

Krista skedaddles outside the ring and ventures towards the top rope. She provides the money in the bank match a true money shot by reaching the top in the most bent over way possible. Megan, realizing, that such an attack could spell doom for her beau and the SWF rushes onto the apron to distract Krista. Annoyed, Miss California wonders why she's wasting her time if she's not topless or planning on getting topless. The answer of course is that her distraction allows Landon to scamper up to Krista's position. He begins hammering Krista with forearms to the throat, as the fans hold their collective breath out of fear. After several strikes hit home it appears their fears may be realized as Maddix is now able to wrap her left arm across hid right. The noise of the audience grows louder, as they desperately urge Krissy to fight off Maddix's attack. Not one to disappoint her fanbase, Krista counters by cursing Landon with an indescribable pain brought on by the Blue Ball Special (testicular claw). Or does she? Krista gropes and gropes, and seemingly comes up empty handed. She tries again and again, hoping to strike pay dirt, but has no luck. Finally she shrugs her free shoulder and shouts out there's nothing there!

 

“BALLLESS WONDER! BALLLESS WONDER! BALLESS WONDER!”

 

“I have balls!” Landon whines. “I have balls the size of California!”

 

“You have balls the shape of a sock?” Krista wonders.

 

“No, the size! Shape refers to the external form or appearance, whereas size is the relative dimensions or magnit...look, just feel my balls, okay? Just feel them! I derive no pleasure from it! I swear!”

 

Wrong thing to say, my friend. Krista angrily shoves her would be sexual harasser off the ropes. Even though he comes down on his feet, that's of little use to him as Krista puts him on the ground and wows the crowd with a shooting star press! Landon is left on dream street, exhausted, humiliated, and on the verge of defeat. All things he promised wouldn't happen to him against the walk of famer. He lies face down the mat, barely able to hear the words of encouragement Megan shouts at him.

 

COLE

That just connected perfectly with Landon's chest! Is this the end for Landon Maddix?

 

COACH

Son, you musta lost it! I wanna know what you been smokin on to think that. Landon thrives in high pressure matches, this is just another day at the office for him

 

Krista gives the audience another bootylicous view, hunching over to await Landon's rise. And when he does stand she rushes forward to treat him to an induction into the church of KIDology! But, yet again, Landon refutes her efforts and jostles her away. She falls back on her feet, but hasn't time to prepare herself before Maddix astonishes her and the crowd with a KIDology of his own!

 

COLE

Landon Maddix hit the KIDology! I don't believe it!

 

Even Landon himself seems surprised to have accomplished what Krista's failed at all match, and he beams a smile brought on by a euphoric high. As the audience boos his stealing of Krista finisher, he covers her body.

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

Krista kicks out, a great shock to an audience that resigned themselves to an inevitable second world title run from Maddix.

 

“LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!”

 

Though mortally exhausted, both competitors find the will and the strength within them to head to their feet. Their only motivator is the briefcase resting in Terry Taylor's lap. For the moment its Landon who seems to want it more as he slashes his boots into Krista's heavily insured legs. As she's weak on her feet, he runs the ropes, preparing to strike her with a shining wizard when he returns. But when he reaches Miss California, she lowers her body and captures him onto her shoulders. Maddix shrieks in horror, and the audience pops huge, neither one noticing Krista is barely able to support his two hundred eight pounds. Thankfully for her and the fans, her legs hold up long enough for her to crush him with his Go 2 Sleep!

 

“YEAAAAAAA!”

 

COLE

Go 2 Sleep Landon Maddix, your money in the bank dreams have just turned into a nightmare!

 

Landon's body contracts and convulses on the ground, and he screams in pain; its quite the spectacular image to a woman who's tried so desperately to put him away. She hooks his leg, and all of the Alamo Dome counts along.

 

CROWD

ONE!

 

CROWD

TWO!

 

Maddix kicks out, and the fans are infuriated! They blast the referee for not making a quicker count, and Maddix for even managing to pull through his dangerous finisher. Krista decides to let the voices of her sixty thousand closest friends deal with the ref, and gets to her feet to deal with Maddix.

 

“BOOOOOO!”holler the audience, their attention shifting from Buzzlefoxer and Maddix to the man who trots down the entry ramp. Its Landon's loyal lackey, James Blonde (Landon's stablemate), clad in a SWF Prelude To Grandeur t-shirt. But perhaps a more troubling concern to Krista's legion of fans is that Megan Skye through a swift kick to the skull has forcibly removed the cash filled briefcase from Terry's possession. Taylor tries his hardest to recover the briefcase, but Megan will have none of that and stomps him down.

 

COACH

Terry, you're a two hundred plus pound former wrestler and you just got bullied by a one hundred twenty pound woman. If she loses this match, Krista is gonna have yo ass hanging from rafters by meathooks.

 

Hollering a torrent of profanities at Krista, The Trendsetter reaches the apron in one graceful leap. His cruel words draw the attention of the hot headed Californian, while Megan draws the attention of Buzzlefoxer. Although he's standing mere inches away from her, his god awful sight lets her sneak the half a million dollar briefcase to the waiting hands of her boyfriend.

 

COLE

Megan gave Landon the briefcase and she has Clem distracted! Turn around, Krista!

 

Indeed that would be a prudent action, as Landon is wielding the briefcase like a battering ram and charging towards Krista. But, as he's only a few inches away from dashing her world title hopes, the SoCal babe turns away from Blonde and catches his leader with the KIDology! Hands held onto the briefcase, Maddix hasn't any way of shoving Krista away this time. He finally experiences the horrific pain he's avoided all night long and his jaw and chest are brought directly into the hard surface of the case! A roar that's both a mixture of excitement and relief rushes through the stands at the sight of Landon flopping over to the mat.

 

COLE

Krista hit it! She finally hit the KIDology!

 

With Megan's skin turning a shade of milky white and her body on the verge of fainting, Krista hooks her man's leg for a pivotal pinfall. At the urging of sixty thousand screaming wrestling nerds, Buzzlefoxer scores the fall.

 

CROWD

ONE!

 

CROWD

TWO!

 

COACH

Kickout, Landon! You gotta kickout!

 

CROWD

THREE!

 

And with that three count comes an outpouring of mammoth cheers from the sold out crowd, everyone on their feet, celebrating as if they themselves just saw the culmination of a grueling two month tournament. MGMT's Electric Feel just adds to the wonderful festive atmosphere. On the outside, Terry Taylor can breath the greatest sigh of relief of his life, because after all being hung by your ass from meathooks probably hurts.

 

BUFFER

The winner of the sixteen person Money In The Bank Tournament, and half a million dollars of Theodore Moneymaker's money....KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN!

 

COLE

Ladies and gentlemen, Krista Isadora Duncan has done it! On the night that Little Miss California has become the women's champion, Miss California has become Miss Money In The Bank! What a day for the Duncan girls!

 

COACH

Mister Moneymaker, if you're watching I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!

 

Indeed Theodore Moneymaker is watching, as we cut backstage to his dressing room and find his head buried in his hands in an infinite sorrow, and Mackenzie struggling to find the words to comfort him. Back in the ring, Megan cradles Landon in her arms, her lips brushing her sweat soaked skin, her long fingers caressing his withered face. Though motionless, Landon is very much awake his eyes hardened by the loss, his heart keenly aware of the emptiness left behind by the future that was taken away from him. Elsewhere Blonde heaps plea after plea upon Buzzlefoxer to rescind his ruling and call for a disqualification of Krista. There's nothing to be done, however, and his idol is just another name in the long list of people to fall victim to Krista.

 

COLE

Landon Maddix promised he'd repeat as Mister Money In The Bank, he promised he'd win the half a million dollars, he promised he'd return the SWF back to television, and he promised to do the unpredictable. But, La Cucaracha, tonight belongs to Krista Isadora Duncan, and that's oh so predictable!

[King Cucaracha 0]

"Lllladies and gentlemen, at this time please welcome, THE COMMISSIONER OF THE SWF... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA!"... MMMMMMMAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXX!!!!"

 

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

 

The people of Clemson give a rousing cheer to Landon who is already stood in the centre of the ring, side by side with the 'co-Commissioner' Megan Skye. Usually the sound of thousands of people cheering for him would cheer Landon and his ego up to no end, but he still looks pretty gloomy as Megan does the job of acknowledging the people for him.

 

"Yeah, yeah, thanks."

 

The cheering dies down a little, likely due to Landon's unenthusiastic response. Luckily, Megan is there to give him a sly kick in the shin and a glaring look to force him to cheer up.

 

"Alright, how's everybody doing tonight!!"

 

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

 

"Yeah, alright! Uhm... well, before we go on with the rest of tonight show there's some business to take care of real quick." announces Landon, to the sound of groans. "No no, don't worry, no bad news this show. Yet. Touch wood. *stomp stomp* Well, canvas laid over wood. No, the business I'm talking about is not concerning tonight, but instead it concerns what's right around the corner... that being, Genesis IX!"

 

Cue some more warm applause.

 

"It's a momentous occassion for plenty of reasons. Obviously, it's the ninth edition of the biggest SWF show of the year, but perhaps just as importantly it's also the one year anniversary of yours truly, La Cucaracha, taking over the reigns as Commissioner! And if I do say so myself, things have turned out pretty well so far. Not all ups, granted. There've been a few downs along the way. But hey, it could have been alot worse. If you'd have told the majority of us in that locker room one year ago before Genesis VIII went live, during the show or even afterwards that we'd still be here to celebrate Genesis number nine, the five of us that bothered to even show up that night probably would have laughed in your face. And then, I beat Tom Flesher that night to take control and set about rebuilding the reputation of this company, from the bottom up. To restructure the company, from the bottom up, to guide us through a bad period. And the rest of the SWF roster responded in kind. Which is why we can say, one year on, we're going to the big dance once more. Genesis VIII was the genesis of a new SWF. Genesis IX will be the genesis of... uh... an even BETTER SWF! And, as Commissioner, I'm happy to announce that after some heavy negotiations, Genesis IX isn't just going to be enjoyed by the people of North Carolina live in person... and not just by those watching on DVD... but, Genesis IX will be carried absolutely LIVE on Pay Per View!"

 

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

"Yeah, thought that'd be popular." shrugs Landon. "So, call your local Pay Per View people or whatever the process is, go on our website if you can, talk to some nerds on the internet about it... somebody'll give you the details on how to order and you can join us for Genesis IX."

 

"That's big news King!" enthuses Mak.

 

"Does this mean I can stay home and watch on Pay Per View instead of having to go to the show live as well?"

 

"I'm open to that idea, but no."

 

"And with that in mind, we've got a fantastic card in store for those of you ordering the show. Some big names are already signed up to appear... including, the women that those of you watching on DVD just saw in action, the OAOAST's own Krista Isadora Duncan!"

 

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

 

Landon smiles, but it's clearly a forced one at having to announce that name.

 

"It was the least she could do after ruining our chances of a TV show, I guess." sneers King.

 

"In addition to that," Landon shouts over the crowd hoping to move on from the subject of Krista ASAP, "we'll have all three SWF Championships on the line, in three first time defences. The Tag Team Titles as we know will be defended by TKO, taking on Leo and Luke, The Breslins. Cruiserweight Champion Taiga Star makes her first defence against an opponent as yet to be confirmed, some more light'll be shed on that situation later no doubt. And in the main-event, I can confirm the brand-new, two-time SWF World Heavyweight Champion, The Maori Badass, Va'aiga..."

 

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

 

"...will defend against a fellow former World Heavyweight Champion, envoking his right to a rematch at Genesis IX... MICHAEL ALEXANDER!!"

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

That doesn't go down too well with the majority of the fans, some of whom expecting to hear someone else's name.

 

"All that, plus a whole, whole lot more besides, live on Pay Per View, but for now let's get right on with the rest of the Prelude! Thank you!"

 

Landon seems in more of a mood to soak up the appreciation of the crowd now as he hands his microphone over to Funyon again and heads off with smiles and waves a-plenty.

 

"Some big news all round there King. And we know our main-event for the big one, Genesis IX to be headlined by Va'aiga defending his World Title against former champion Michael Alexander, a first-time ever meeting!"

 

"For once Maddix, assuming Maddix is actually responsible, made the absolute correct decision." approves King. "Nevermind all this talk of a successful year in charge for our quote-un-quote 'boss', Michael Alexander is the man to bring some credibility back to the SWF! A true World wrestling Champion, unlike our current and previous madmen with the gold."

 

"And what about Krista Isadora Duncan making another cameo appearance?"

 

"I love it. Landon gets beat by a girl and he goes ahead and PAYS HER to make a special appearance for him less than a month later. What a sap!"

 

"All that plus more, as promised. I've heard speculation over a good few names in negotiations for a Genesis return, we could be in for a few surprises along the way. Genesis IX live on Pay Per View!"

[King Cucaracha 0]

~~IL/X-PUNK~~

[King Cucaracha 0]

“Our production team just keeps getting better and better…”

 

“They even made Insane Luchador look good!” Mak Francis and the Suicide King bring the viewing audience back live after another commercial for SWF’s Genesis, only to be suddenly interrupted by the sounds of white lightning.

 

 

White lightning?

 

“What is going on?” calls the Gambling Man as the sounds of the RZA pump through the PA system, drawing looks of confusion from the sold-out crowd. When the music suddenly switches over to the Spiritual Beggar’s “Euphoria”, however, at least a few of the more attentive fans hand out a smattering of applause to the man known as Aaron Starr as he creeps out from backstage with a microphone in hand.

 

“I want to ask the same question, King. It seems one of our enhancement talents suddenly remembered he could talk and decided to grace us with his presence. I didn’t see this listed in our program guide, though.” The sounds of papers shuffling between the two veterans can be heard as Aaron slaps a hand or two in the aisle, giving the ringside cameras a knowing smile as he slips under the bottom rope and into the ring. His hood falls around his shoulders and the audience gets their first real look at the slight nervousness on the rookie’s face as he moves the microphone to his lips.

 

“Genesis is only three weeks away.” This draws a pop from the crowd. “It is the one time of year when everyone comes out to put on the best show they can. Everyone from the champions to the lowest of the low tries their best to steal the spotlight and make that move one more step up the ladder. You people might not know me, might not care about me, and probably would rather see someone like Va’aiga in this ring right now, right?”

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

 

“But that isn’t what is going to happen. See, I’m here to make it known that I want to be the one that steals the spotlight at Genesis in just a few weeks. I want to petition to the bosses in the back that I be allowed to take part in the Pay-Per-View and prove my worth to the millions watching around the world. I am putting forth a challenge right here and right now that if there is anyone in the back that thinks they deserve to be at Genesis more than I do, then they can come out here and take my spot – by force.

 

“Oh, wow, King. This Aaron Starr is writing a check and we might just be seeing if his body can cash it.”

 

“It all depends on who comes out here, if anyone…”

 

“I can wait all night. This fans demand to see Aaron Starr wrestle at Genesis and beyond, and should I win here tonight I will take my case to Landon Maddix and he will have no choice but to put me on the card so that I can steal the spotlight and be the real STARR of the SWF for years to come. So, unless someone comes out here and pins me to this canvas one-two-three, I guess you all will be seeing me at Genesis in just a few weeks. If you need me, I’ll be back in the Enhancement Talent dressing room, preparing myself to have a room of my own.” Aaron throws the microphone out of the ring and climbs through the ropes, raising his arms in victory and garnering a few more cheers from the fans – the brash nature of the young talent seemingly earning him some respect.

 

“I guess we’ll be seeing Aaron Starr at Genesis! That could be fun!”

 

“Oh yeah, fun as tooth decay. I hope someone comes out here and sends him back to whatever dirty gym he crawled out of…”

 

 

 

“Please Stand Clear Of The……”

 

“Please Stand Clear Of…Of…”

 

“Please Stand Clear…Stand Clear…”

 

“Please….”

 

 

“What in the world?” The crowd, and Aaron Starr himself, turn their attention to the entranceway as the sounds of thunder begin to roll across the area. “It can’t be!”

 

“I think it can be, King, that someone in the back might just want to have a word with Aaron Starr.” The guitars kick in, and Aaron stops dead in his tracks, the televised image turning to black and white as two very familiar figures step out from the shadows and back into the spotlight they left almost one year ago.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

 

“It’s Alan Clark!!! Oh my god!!” Alan takes a few steps out onto the stage, the hulking figure of Walter Reynolds behind him, both sets of eyes glued on the back-pedaling Aaron Starr.

 

“I just want to talk!” Clark can be heard yelling as he suddenly bee-lines toward Starr, catching up to him at the base of the ramp and sending both of them careening into the ring apron. Starr lets out a groan as his back contorts against the edge of the ring, but Alan continues to stay aggressive, landing a series of closed fists before throwing Starr back into the ring!

 

“Love him or hate him, I would think Alan Clark deserves to be at Genesis more than Aaron Starr.” Aaron tries his best to stand, only to be caught around the neck and slammed into canvas with a hard swinging neckbreaker. Reynolds himself has also made it to the ring and has climbed inside, although is keeping his distance from the other two men in the ring.

 

“Aaron Starr looks to be dazed and confused!” remarks the Franchise as Alan whips the rookie into the corner and, with almost no fanfare, proceeds to cartwheel across the ring and, after a leap, drive his foot square into the back of Aaron’s head! “One Hit Kill~! And Alan lands on his feet!”

 

“I’m more surprised that Starr stayed on HIS feet, Mak!” but a few stumbles from Starr later Clark sends a kick to his midsection, doubling him over and putting him in prime position to be lifted, spun, and SPIKED into the canvas!

 

“We used to always say that the vacation was over when he landed that, but I would definitely say that Aaron Starr is indeed dead on arrival here tonight in Clemson!” and a quick roll later, Clark covers the rookie and Walter Reynolds drops to his knees…

 

One!

 

“Reynolds with the count!”

 

Two!

 

Three!

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

No bell sounds, even as Reynolds tries to call for it, but that does not matter as Clark rolls toward the outside of the ring on one side as Reynolds casually and nonchalantly boots the still-hooded Starr out of the ring on the opposite side. Alan grabs the previous disposed of microphone and slides back into the ring, joining his bodyguard as they look out over the jeering crowd.

 

“I guess there is no such thing as forgive and forget here in Clemson?” Another round of jeers sounds out, “This is not the way you should be treating a former Heavyweight Champion of the World, a former International Champion, a former Cruiserweight Champion…and a future two time Heavyweight Champion of the World. When I look at that championship, I don’t see the man wearing it. I don’t see the Maori Badass or the Insane Luchador. I don’t see all those in the back that are licking their lips to get a shot at adding it to their resume. I just see the gold. I’m not out here to make enemies, not tonight. But I know as much as anyone, love me or hate me, that I deserve to be at Genesis a whole lot more than Aaron Starr. I am not out here tonight to cry and whine about getting myself a title shot. I want to earn it. I don’t want to be like all those people who tried to come after me last year when I was on my way to the top of the mountain. I’m going to prove myself. I’ll prove myself to Landon Maddix, to Toxxic, to Va’aiga or the Insane Luchador, or to anyone that thinks that I don’t have what it takes to be the Heavyweight Champion again. It is the one spotlight that deserves to have me in it and soon enough it will. I don't care who I have to beat to get there. And if you think this is all just a bunch of running at the mouth from your old pal Alan Clark... just remember two things…

 

…I haven’t lost a single step…

 

…and…

 

…I never got my rematch.

 

So, before I begin to look toward the future I will leave you with a little note from my past. It still rings true to this very day that, well, I’ve seen a million faces – and I’ve rocked them all.

 

Prepare to be rocked.”

 

BOOOOM!

 

Thunder claps once again over the arena as “Wanted Dead or Alive” picks back up over the PA system. The crowd can do little more than voice their displeasure that Alan Clark – the man that said that they didn’t need him and he didn’t need them – was back, and had his sights set on gold once more. Through the black and white of the image, one can clearly see the trademark sly smirk formed across the lips of Clark as he and Walter Reynolds disappear backstage, fading the scene to black and to another superb hype package for the still-to-come match-ups.

[King Cucaracha 0]

The crowd of the Littlejohn Coliseum is still coming down from the action of the Hardcore Redemption match, still the cheers echo out, the whooping and shouts for more blood and fury as the flow of settles a little more.

 

 

"Listen to that crowd, King, they're still up for it even after that hardcore spectacle, and lucky for them we've got more to give them. Coming up right now we've got a tag match with four of the hottest Cruiser-weights in SWF history!" Mac shills to the audiences, much to the Suicide King's countenance.

 

"If you say so Mac, if you say so. Oh don't get me wrong, it's gonna be a fun tag match to watch, lot of grudges here to work out between the two impromptu teams, and hell, even their partners. But four of the greatest cruiser-weights in SWF history? Over stating it don't you think?"

 

"The former Cruiser-weight champion Hollywood Spike Jenkins, the current Cruiser-weight champion Taiga Star, a hot new contender in the form of Spyke! And then there's Divefire! You're going to tell me that's not a hot ticket?"

 

"Well I wouldn't run for President with it,"

 

"And for that we're all a little thankful, King."

 

 

"DON'T YOU WISH WERE ME?!?!?!?!"

 

Before the two commentators can start tearing more strips into each other, the sound of Fozzy blasts out to introduce the first contestant in this tag match up. Standing on the stage and looking out to the crowds with a confident smile, Spyke looks totally self assured in himself, blowing a kiss towards the fans that earns him a deep bellow of jeers for his efforts.

 

 

"Ladies and Gentleman, this tag team contest will be one fall! Introducing first, weighing in at 235 pounds and hailing from Brooklyn New York, Spyke!" Funyon as ever is peerless on the mic in the centre of the ring as Spyke walks down, completely ignoring the crowds boos and jeers, flicking his hair back in relaxed fashion and focusing his attention on a low cut top that happens to be wearing a rather good looking young lady.

 

Stopping to chat to her, despite the obvious protests of her boyfriend he lets the music play and offers to sign her cleavage up until the boyfriend jumps in the way, making security step in and Spyke to step back, laughing as he does so and stepping up onto the ring apron and through the ropes to step into the middle of the ring and await the arrival of his partner as his own music dies down.

 

 

The area lights start to flicker, dancing across the audience as the guitar and drum work of The Agony Scene's "Scapegoat" roars through the sound system.

 

"Abandon, broken and bleeding.

A feast for their eyes, a spectacle.

A martyr of the forsaken.

A scapegoat for their suffering."

 

On top of the stage the lights begin to strobe red, powerful flashes illuminating the stage to the beat of the drum

 

"Burn Me Alive…

 

GRRRRR

 

BURN ME ALIVE!

 

I FEEL THE HATRED BEHIND THEIR EYES!

BURN ME ALIVE!

IN EAGER CIRCLES TO WATCH ME DIE!

BURN ME!"

 

And on cue "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins steps out onto the stage, soaking up the boos and jeers of the crowd with a grim expression fixed onto his face. He stomps down the entrance ramp, flipping off the crowd as he comes down to the ring.

 

 

"And introducing his tag team partner, from Long Island, New York and weighing in at 205 pounds, Hollywood Spike Jenkins!" Funyon ends with his usual vocal flourish as Spike climbs up the steel steps and onto the ring apron. He climbs up to the middle rope, and steps through, greeting his partner in the ring and exchange a few words as he unzips his sweatshirt and pulls it off, tossing it over the rope as his music fades out.

 

 

"Well Spike looks more focused then I've seen for a long time, King. I guess losing the Cruiser-weight title fired him up a bit."

 

"And what? You expected him to just curl up and die after losing a belt? Hollywood's a lot of things..."

 

"Like loud, pretentious, obnoxious, irritating." Francis interrupts.

 

"...but he isn't a quitter." King finishes.

 

 

Meanwhile the arena lights have already dimmed to the point of nothing, only the dim light of cell phones being used to record the action and other displays lights the arena as a soft female voice whispers out.

 

"It's time to burn..."

 

And the opening bars of the Vertical Limit mix of Linkin Park's Points of Authority starts to echo out over the darkened area. Spike looks to the entrance way with a grim, determined expression, but Spyke for his part leans against the opposite ring ropes, arms outstretched and looking entirely not bothered.

 

 

"Forfeit the game,

Stop the talk show,

Product of what,

You're taught to know,

Forfeit the game,

'Cus tomorrow,

When it's all done,

You reap what you sow!"

 

 

* B O O M *

 

 

Fire pyro's erupt from the stage, whiting out the entrance area for a second. As the lens flare fades from the cameras Divefire walks out of the fiery embrace, the lingering flames reflecting of his almost to black shades and leather jacket. If his gaze finds his opponents his face shows no signs of it, the tight focus he always wears to the ring unshakable. Stalking down the ramp way, he gets the approval of the fans at ringside, especially a group of men who'd rather like to see him kill Spyke for having their friend ejected just now, but as ever, the Englishman pays them no mind.

 

 

"And introducing the first of their opponents," Funyon bellows from the centre of the ring. "Making his way to the ring, hailing from somewhere in the United Kingdom and weighing in at 197 pounds. This! Is! DIVEFIRE!!!"

 

 

With an explosion of speed, and no hint of trepidation, Divefire slides into the ring and bursts to his feet, his gaze finally settles upon his opponents a slight smirk washing across his features as Spike moves towards him, but just as the former Cruiser-weight champion moves Divefire thrusts his arms powerfully into the air and the ring posts respond as ever, blasting pyro fire high into the air with a mighty roar that even has Spyke jump with surprise at the noise.

 

 

The arena lights come back up as Divefire slips his shades and jacket off, fixing his gaze on Hollywood and tilting his head to one side, smirking at him. Once more Hollywood goes to move but this time the opening rift of Hole's 'Be a Man' rolls over the arena as the lights flash like crazy. Divefire's frame is illuminated for a moment as still smirking at his advisories. He outstretches his arms to the side, then steps aside, gesturing their attention towards the entrance

 

After the pause in the song, ultraviolet laser lights blaze out from the entrance way and Taiga Star walks out to a roar from the crowd, the Cruiser-weight title over her shoulder and one hand slapping it as the other points to the ring

 

"The only boy I understand

The one ashamed to be a man

Just rape the world

Because you can

That's what it takes

To be a man"

 

Neither of the duo that is Spike's R Us looks happy, huddling together to talk strategy and support one another as the crowd continue their approval.

 

 

"And introducing his tag team partner, from Helltown, Haverhill, Massachusetts, she is the current SWF Cruiser-weight Champion, Taiga! Star!" Funyon bills the final member of this tag match appropriately before stepping out of the ring as Taiga walks to the ring, slapping a few hands in approval until she arrives at the ring apron and promptly tosses her title over the top rope, where her tag partner deftly snatches it out of the air while she rolls into the ring.

 

Standing, she looks over to Divefire who gives her a nod of approval, handing the belt back to her and stepping back into their corner as she stands in the middle of the ring and raises the belt up high to more approval from the fans, turn around to show it off to all four corners, and pointedly giving the two Spike's a hard look, as she steps back and hands the belt off over the ropes.

 

 

"King, you're an expect in pissing people off, you think that entrance was planned by Taiga and Divefire?" Mak asks in a straight tone to his broadcast partner.

 

King responds as quick as a flash. "Well Wheelie, I'd have to say yes since that entire thing was about as annoying as sitting here to get a pay check and have you for company for the two or so hours that these shows run."

 

 

Referee Eddy Long checks all competitors for international objects, briefly goes over the already-well-known rules, then calls for the bell.

 

 

*Ding Ding!!*

 

 

The time keeper does his part and in the ring, Hollywood starts it off for the Spyke's. It's not against Taiga, as he would like, instead Divefire stands ready to receive him. Receive him he does, as Spike charges hard into a lock up, forcing the Englishman back several steps until he's back first against a neutral corner.

 

Instantly Eddy Long is there, calling for the break which Spike does cleanly for all of a second. Then he slams hard knees into Divefire's midsection, doubling the Englishman over as the air gets driven out of his lungs. Jenkins follows it up with several European uppercuts that straight Divefire back up, and then with a violent surge, he Irish whips Divefire to the other neutral corner.

 

Jenkins goes for a reverse elbow into the corner, but no one's home and he slams side on to the ring post! Divefire doesn't need a written invitation to strike and Spike's exposed side and nails a hard kick into his kidneys, following it up with a series of hard punches that have Spike dancing back in pain. Divefire grabs him to throw him into his corner, where Taiga casually has her foot up on the top rope, where Jenkins just happens to get thrown into it head-first!!

 

Tagging Taiga in, Divefire holds Jenkins so she can get in some serious chops WOOOOOOOOO! Referee Long counts to five, demanding that The Fiery One exit the ring, as he is no longer the legal man. Taiga takes Spike down to the mat with a Russian leg sweep. Keeping his leg wrapped around hers, she pulls back on the limb, wrenching the knee and making Jenkins pound the mat in annoyance. He manages to drag himself over to the ropes, where Referee Long counts the rope break. Taiga releases by three.

 

Allowing Jenkins to get to his feet, Taiga waits with her hands on her knees. Spike comes at her with a collar and elbow tieup, which Taiga ducks in favour of a rear waistlock. Jenkins elbows behind him, clipping Taiga in the side of the head just enough for her to loosen her grip enough for him to escape. As he does, he grabs her wrist and twists her arm. Contemplating the situation for a moment, Taiga decides on rolling out of it, reversing into a wristlock of her own. Which Jenkins breaks by practically strutting to the rope. As the ref counts, Jenkins loudly vocalizes his displeasure of the situation.

 

Again, Taiga waits patiently for him to come back into the middle of the ring. Spike offers up a knucklelock. Taiga obliges, and the sufficiently taller Jenkins gets the leverage advantage quickly, pushing her back, attempting to bend her unbendable spine. Instead of bridging back, Taiga just drops to the mat, kicking away Jenkins' hands, rolling out between his legs to her corner, and tagging into Divefire.

 

The Fiery One jumps in over the top rope and lands on Jenkins with the double axe handle, dropping him to the mat. When Jenkins arises, Divefire kicks him almost across the ring with a dropkick, flipping himself back around and landing in his feet!

 

 

"Divefire with a graceful Whirlwind Dropkick, sending Spike flying!" Mak exclaims.

 

"Now, Spyke is still in the corner. He hasn't been in this match as of yet."

 

"I meant Hollywood Spike... just watch the match, King!"

 

 

Jenkins rolls out of it, back to his feet to find Divefire charging for him with a series of precise kicks and punches, the speed blinding. If Divefire was playing a video game, he would have racked up quite a high score with the combination. Jenkins is dazed, out on his feet, stumbling about. When he comes to his senses and sees Divefire coming back at him, he screams, ducks, and bails to his corner. Spike-with-an-I tags out to Spyke-with-a-Y, who demands that Taiga tag in. She obliges and is in such a rush to get into the ring that she practically pulls off the tag rope.

 

 

Mak shuffles through some papers. "This is the first time in SWF that Taiga Star and Spyke have faced off. Being as they are both from DVS, I'm sure they've had their encounters in the past. And with Spyke's very vocal disapproval of her, I'm sure this is going to be interesting."

 

 

Spyke begins by badmouthing the short woman. Taiga just rolls her eyes and shoves him. Spyke shoves back. Taiga reaches up, as if she is going to swing, but instead she locks on... a headlock. A few quick moments later, Spyke shoves her aside. She runs at the ropes and bounces off, ducking a clothesline from Spyke. On the rebound, she runs under another clothesline, and in the process she grabs his arm and pulls it, sending him flying with an uncharacteristic armdrag.

 

He gets to his feet and grabs her by the arm, throwing her with all his might. Taiga lands hard against the ropes, but clings onto them so she doesn't rebound. Glancing over her shoulder she spies Spyke running toward her... so she pulls the top rope down and Spyke goes flying to the floor!

 

Without wasting a moment, Taiga backs up and sprints forward, and just as Spyke gets up, he is met with two feet to the face!!

 

 

"Nice baseball slide there by Taiga Star." Mak says.

 

"Literally, two feet of fury!!" King says, making the obvious and obligatory short joke.

 

 

As Spyke and Taiga duke it out on the floor, Jenkins ascends to the top turnbuckle. When Spyke notices, she shoves Taiga into the way to catch the full wrath of Jenkins' cross body splash!!!

 

As long as people are diving from the top, Divefire decides he wants a piece of the action as well. He sneaks up to the top turnbuckle and surprises everyone below with a front senton!!

 

 

"SWF! SWF!! SWF!!!" the crowd pops.

 

 

King sighs. "I hope they got all that spot-monkey crap out of their systems now..."

 

 

Everyone makes their way back into the ring. Spyke tags out to Jenkins and Taiga tags out to Divefire. Spike and The Fire lock up. Divefire with a headlock. Jenkins shoves him off into the ropes, and on the rebound tries to knock him down with a shoulder tackle, but is unsuccessful. Jenkins dares him again, slapping his shoulder for effect. Divefire runs off the ropes and slams into him, knocking him down. A slightly embarrassed Jenkins kips up and in a flash kicks Divefire down with a jumping Yakuza kick!!

 

Divefire is on the mat and Jenkins takes advantage by putting the boots to him. He drags him over to the corner where he tags out to Spyke. Jenkins holds Divefire's arms back so Spyke can choke him out with his boot to the neck. The ref counts and Spyke doesn't release until the ref pulls his boot off Divefire's throat. Spyke snap-mares him out of the corner and follows in with a dragon kick to the centre of the back. Spyke with a quick cover...

 

 

ONE!

 

TWO!!

 

 

Divefire kicks out rather easily. Spyke picks him up for a suplex, drilling him to the mat. Without letting go, he hits a second, the ring shaking on impact. Spyke goes for a third, but appears to give up halfway, turning it into a facebuster instead!! He goes for another lazy cover...

 

 

ONE!

 

TWO!!

 

 

Divefire with the shoulder up. Spyke drags him to the Spy/ike corner and kicks him several times, until Divefire is sitting in the corner. Spyke backs up and runs at him full force, then plants his hands on the top rope, jumping into the air, and after a brief hang-time, brings down his feet on Divefire's chest!!

 

Then Spyke backs up. He grabs the ref and pulls him aside, asking him if his ring gear is alright. No ref, is there a rip here? Check again, I don't want to wrestle with sub-sufficient pants. Oh course, Spyke's real reason for asking is to allow Jenkins time to choke Divefire out in the corner, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling hard, trying to make Divefire's head part of the ring post.

 

This makes Taiga come out of her corner, yelling about the blatant choking. As Referee Long demands that she return to her corner, Jenkins comes into the ring, Spyke and himself double-teaming Divefire with kicks to the corner. Spyke claps his hands together, making it sound like a legit tag was made. When the ref turns around, he sees Jenkins in the ring. He asks if a tag was made, and Spyke assures him there was, going as far as holding the little white tag rope up, implying that it was legal and everything.

 

Meanwhile Jenkins has Divefire in the middle of the ring, where he picks him up and slams him back-first across his knees with a backbreaker! Picking him back up, he slings his opponent over his shoulder, as if going for a death valley driver, but instead brings him down across his knees with a gutbuster!! Jenkins hooks a leg...

 

 

ONE!

 

TWO!!

 

 

Divefire manages to kick out. Spike tags out to Spyke. Spyke goes to the top, and as Jenkins grabs Divefire by the neck, and connects his knees to Divefire's chest, Spyke jumps off the top and lands his knees into his back!!!

 

 

"The Spy/ike team just made a sandwich out of Divefire there!" Mak says. "And not a very tasty sandwich at that."

 

 

Spyke drags Divefire back into the middle of the ring. He gets Divefire up and slaps him in the face insultingly. Then he does it again, for good measure. This seems to wake Divefire up a bit, making his swing back, rearing up for a good wallop. But Spyke grabs his arm mid-air, swings him around and SPYKES! Divefire hard, kicking him in the chin and knocking him out cold. Spyke rolls him up...

 

 

ONE!

 

TWO!!

 

THR...

 

 

Taiga runs in the ring, kicking Spyke in the head, breaking up the pin. Referee Long admonishes this and escorts Taiga back to her corner. Jenkins comes out of the corner and assists Spyke with a double team combination of forearms and backhand strikes. When the ref sees this, he forces Jenkins back to his corner. He does, making a big deal about it, making sure he is seen with the tag rope in his hand before making a very clean, very legal tag to Spyke.

 

Jenkins comes in by leaping over the top rope and landing a tomahawk chop right on the top of Divefire's head. Before he can collapse, Jenkins hoists him up for a powerbomb! He floats over into a bridging pin...

 

 

ONE!

 

TWO!!

 

THR... Divefire just barely kicks out.

 

 

"The Fiery One has taken quite a bit of punishment here, King."

 

"Well, Hollywood and Spyke-with-a-Y have done an effective job isolating him and preventing him from making the much needed tag." King points out.

 

Mak sees Spyke fiddling around in his corner. "What's he doing there? it looks like he's untied the tag rope!"

 

 

Spyke has indeed untied the tag rope. He holds it in his hand, not making it apparent to the ref that he has done so. The ref's attention is on Jenkins and Divefire anyway, checking to see if The Fire wants to give up, as he is being stretched to his limits with his variation of a crossface, the Strong Island Stretch! Divefire's arm is wrenched behind Jenkins' neck, and his abdominals are cramping from the pressure.

 

Divefire crawls, desperately he crawls, inching himself closer to the elusive bottom rope. He grabs a great handful of canvas in his pursuit of freedom from the devastating hold. Closer, closer... inches away now, but still so far. Jenkins sees how close he is to breaking the hold... so he drags Divefire back, increasing the distance between his fingertips and the rope he so desperately needs.

 

Though with dragging him back... he drags him a little too far back... far enough back for Divefire to brush the tip of his toes against the bottom rope!! Referee Long counts the break, shouting the numbers. Spike acts as if he cannot hear, ignoring the count until the ref threatens to have them DQ'd. DQ? You mean there's ice cream? The ref is confused for a moment.

 

 

Taiga watches this ridiculous exchange for far too long before jumping into the ring and breaking the hold herself. And as the ref points her to her corner, Jenkins has Divefire pushed into his corner, where Spyke chokes him out with the tag rope!!

 

Referee Long makes quick work of Taiga, then turns around to see the blatant choking!!! He gets furious, demanding to know what happened. Spyke explains some tall tale about how the rope became loose as the other Spike, Spike Jenkins, has Divefire up. His head is tucked between Jenkins' knees as he is being picked up, ready for an ENDWELL pedigree!

 

Divefire kicks his legs, desperately trying to avoid the powerful finishing move. Jenkins readjusts, getting a better hold on his opponent. This is all the time that Divefire needs though, as he digs deep into his bag of tricks to his most efficient and painful move in his arsenal... a swift fist to the crown jewels!!

 

 

"A low blow! What a desperate attempt there to get the tide going in his direction! He just took advantage of Referee Eddy Long being occupied with that tag rope!!" Mak says.

 

"There you go, cheering for the heels again." King replies. "I never knew you had it in you!"

 

 

Hollywood Jenkins has no wood at the moment, as he is rolling around on the mat, holding his crotch, letting out a high-pitched and girly scream! Divefire crawls, desperately pulling his sore body to the corner. He finally makes it... Taiga is tagged in, and she goes to work on Jenkins! She stomps him with her foot, she begins to pull him up... And the ref gets in her face, telling her that she needs to go back to her corner.

 

 

"BOOOOOOOO!" the crowd roars.

 

 

King explains. "Referee Long is right in his call, he didn't see Divefire tagging out to Taiga Star! The ref has to see it in order to call it."

 

"I tend to agree with the crowd here, everyone saw that tag! Us, the crowd, the janitors, the rats..."

 

"But the ref didn't see it, so it doesn't count. I'd like to point out that he missed that low blow. Besides, Ms Star didn't have a hold of the tag rope."

 

"Oh brother!"

 

 

Jenkins rolls to his corner and tags out to Spyke. He comes charging in, rearing to go right for Divefire, who is back in the ring. Divefire ducks and trips Spyke! He almost slams on his face but saves himself by his hands. Spyke doesn't prevent his face from slamming on the mat though, when Divefire jumps up suddenly and double stomps the back of his head!!

 

 

The crowd is going wild with energy as Divefire crawls to his corner, and tagging into Taiga in a way that everyone can agree on!! First Taiga runs across the ring to dropkick Jenkins off the apron, easy since he was still holding his little ones in pain.

 

Taiga charges for Spyke's midsection, sending him back first into the corner with a football tackle. There she rams her shoulder into his stomach, driving the wind out of him. Lifting one big black boot, she chokes him with the treads. The ref counts, and Taiga releases at the last possible second.

 

 

...And she does it again, choking him in the corner, counting along with the ref until four and three-quarters. Pulling him out of the corner with a hair-mare, Spyke lands on his ass and Taiga dragon kicks him square in the back!

 

She spies Jenkins attempting to crawl back onto the apron. He gets to his knees, and Taiga launches at him, kicking his face off with a drop kick! Spyke is to his feet in the middle of the ring. Taiga walks right into a full nelson attempt, but she fights for it. Taiga and Spyke fight for position and after a few moments of checking and counter-checking Taiga comes out on the winning end of the exchange, hoisting Spyke high overhead and stalling for a moment before dropping him on his head with a BRAINBUSSSTAAAHHHH~!!!! The crowd pops!

 

 

"Get Taiga a broom, cause she's cleaning house!!" Mak says, drawing the ire of his broadcast colleague.

 

"Yeah, get her a broom. Women are supposed to be cleaning houses!"

 

 

Jenkins is back in his corner, standing but still hunched over. Taiga pulls Spyke up and whips him into the corner, but suddenly Spyke reverses, sending Taiga flying into Jenkins' corner! Jenkins prepares to knock Taiga across the face with a fist... but Taiga ducks and rolls out of the way, tripping Spyke in the process. He lands face-first on the second rope, near the turnbuckle, in the approximate area of Jenkins' injured jingle-fruits.

 

The crowd points and laughs at them. One drunk redneck in the front tries to start a HOMO! chant. Jenkins takes offense to this and jumps onto the floor to confront him. The referee goes after him, getting between the fat bearded man and Mister Hollywood, and tries to separate them.

 

 

In the ring, Taiga kicks Spyke in the face, several powerful short kicks to the forehead. then she pulls him by the hair to her corner. Divefire comes out carefully. They each grab Spyke, hooking his arms four a double teamed suplex!

 

Spyke is drilled into the mat. Divefire picks him up, measures him up, and delivers a FLAME OUT! heart-punch!!! Spyke drops to the mat. Taiga is perched on the top turnbuckle. She leaps off and lands on Spyke with a DOUBLE STOMP!! Divefire scrambles out of the ring as Taiga rolls him up for the cover as the crowd counts along...

 

 

...ONE

 

 

...TWO

 

 

...THREE

 

 

...FOUR

 

 

...BOOOOO! Everyone in the arena counted the pin, but the ref didn't see it, so it doesn't count!!

 

 

Referee Long is still outside the ring, trying to get Spike Jenkins to get back to the match. Several big brawny security men come forth and restrain the foul-smelling drunk man. Jenkins gets back to the ring, followed by the ref. Mr. Long finally sees the count...

 

 

ONE!

 

T... Spyke kicks out.

 

 

"There's a shock." mumbles Mak.

 

 

...Divefire comes running across the ring! He elbows Jenkins off the corner onto the floor! In one fluid motion, he leaps to the top turnbuckle and descends onto Spike with a beautiful somersault guillotine leg drop!!

 

 

"The Divebomb!!" shouts King.

 

 

Meanwhile, in the ring, Taiga has Spyke picked up. She hooks his arms, turns him over, picks him up, and crushes him with a KUDO DRIVER~! She hooks both the legs...

 

 

ONE!

 

TWO!!

 

Divefire pulls Jenkins back out of the ring and onto the floor...

 

...THREE!!!

 

 

DING DING DING!!!

 

 

Funyon stands up to make the announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners of your match, the team of Divefire and Taiga Star!!!"

 

 

Taiga rolls out of the ring in a hurry, not wanting to risk further ass-kickery. Divefire runs around the ring to meet her. The ref hands Taiga the Cruiser-weight Championship, stands between the two members of the winning team, and raises their hands in victory.

 

 

Jenkins rolls into the ring and shoves Spyke's shoulder. He winces and shoves Spike's nose. They begin to have not-so-kind words with each other, muttering bitterly against one another, as the match fades into a commercial.

[King Cucaracha 0]

FADE IN

 

 

“We’ve been waiting for this for months and now it’s time we get some closure,” shouts the voice of Mak Francis over the backdrop of a jam-packed Littlejohn Coliseum. “This battle between two bitter rivals just got a lot more intense, now that they have their partners with them!”

 

“And, by ‘these two people,’ my somewhat ineloquent partner is referring to the new World Heavyweight Champion, Va’aiga, and SIN, who’s been a thorn in the Maori Badass’s… ass,” intones King, inordinately pleased with his own anecdote. “Now, with Dace Night and Mister Bruner in tow, they’re going to battle it out in tonight’s main event! This is one of the most anticipated matches in the SWF in months, Francis… I’m pumped up!”

 

“With Dace on Va’aiga’s side and Bruner on SIN’s side, this should be one hell of a match! You know that Va’aiga and Dace are going to looking to get some payback for all the sneak attacks that the two New Yorkers have been inflicting on them!”

 

“They can want payback all they like,” says King, as the light dim slightly in the arena, “But once they come face-to-face with those two, they only thing they’re going to end up with is pain!” With that, Notorious BIG’s “I Love the Dough” begins to blast all throughout the arena. There’s a chorus of boos as three men come out all together:

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

 

“The following tag team contest is a Grudge match and is schedule for one fall, with no disqualifications!” Funyon starts the announcing. “Introducing first, the manager: Sir… MAAAAARVELOUS! And he represents, from NEW YORK CITY, at a total combined weight of seven hundred twenty pounds … the team of SIN and BIIIIIG BULLY BRUUUUNER!” Sir Marvelous makes his way towards the announce table as his men enter the ring, Bruner stepping over the top rope and SIN sliding underneath the bottom.

 

“Looks like Sir Marvelous is coming here as a guest commentator,” says King, as the two wrestlers go over their strategy in the ring. “What a wonderful surprise!”

 

“Whoopee doo,” says Mak, as Marv slowly sits down right next to King.

King jerks his head towards Mak and says, “Hey, show some respect to Sir Marvelous!” King then turns to look at Sir Marv and continues, “Marvelous, it’s an honor for you to join us with knowledge of this sport, and congratulations on assembling a tag team that is a force to be reckoned with!”

 

“Well thank you, King, and it's an honor to sit next to a man that knows his stuff in and out of the ring,” replies Marvelous. “Now, the team of Bruner and SIN is like a dream team for me… granted, they were a little rusty in the beginning, but they have something together that no one else in the company has… Do you know what that is?”

 

Marv clearly hopes that King answers his question, but instead, Mak quips, “A successful murder spree?”

 

“Well, that’s one,” replies Marv, glaring at Francis, “keep talking, and you’ll be their next victim … but they have a New York chemistry that cannot be taken away.”

 

As if on cue, a white smoke fills the entrance way, the lights flashes the color of red and white, as the Juno remix of Gravity Kills’ “Guilty” hits the state of the art sound system. The crowd explodes, Funyon tries to announce over the people loudness, with only moderate success:

 

“And their opponents, at a total combined weight of six hundred eight pounds… Dace Night, and the SWF World Heavyweight Champion, Va’aiga… The Violence Distribution Network: VEEEEE… DEEEEE... ENNNNN!”

 

“What a tremendous ovation by this capacity crowd!” shouts Mak, still waiting on the crowd favorites to appear through the curtain.

 

Marvelous shrugs his shoulder a little and smartly drawls, “These fans would react the same way if Ronald McDonald himself came out here and gave out free Big Macs and toys for all their demon spawn children.” VDN finally steps out from behind the curtain, the roar of the crowd catching them off guard just for a split second; the Maori badass has his Heavyweight Title belt draped over his right shoulder as the former World Tag Team Champions slowly walk down the ramp. They’re not taking their eyes off of SIN and Bruner, and it’s the same way the other way around. There are no words being screamed from one another, just eyes locked… hateful eyes. There are no phantom punches, there are no robes, and they are both ready for a fight as well as the two competitors inside the ring.

 

“Boy, this is the kind of intensity we’ve been missing lately,” says Mak. “These guys just plain do not like each other!” VDN make their way into the ring and, without further preamble, walk right up to SIN and Bruner. The New York natives walk towards them as well, meeting them halfway, dead center of the ring, with only referee Ronald “Red” Herrington standing between them.

 

The crowd is going wild waiting for this showdown to finally happen: no one is backing down and, oddly enough, no one is talking trash. Just a burning, palpable silence… the calm before the storm; all four men are ready for some action, knowing that, in mere seconds, the proverbial shit is going to hit the proverbial fan.

 

“For people at home watching this on DVD,” explains King, “this is a Grudge match: that means there are no disqualifications, there are no count outs, the winner will have to pin their opponents, or make them tap out. And with the way these fighters hate each other, tapping is probably not an option!”

 

“Referee Red Herrington is only in there to determine the winner,” adds Mak. “He’ll have the best seat in the house!” Herrington, swept up by the crowd reaction, delays the start of the match a few seconds longer: the whole arena is standing up, clapping, yelling, waiting for the match to start. And just when it seems as though the tension has become unbreakable…

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

 

Herrington signals the timekeeper to ring the bell, and dives the hell out of the way!

 

 

“Bell’s gone,” shouts Mak, “and we’re underway!” Va’aiga and SIN waste no time exchanging right hands! Bruner and Dace don’t falter, either, trading punches that would have incapacitated lesser men, but the Bully gets the better of it, his superior size and strength gradually getting the better of the Brummie Goth. Va’aiga, on the other hand, slowly gets the advantage over SIN, backing Nunez up towards the ropes. Across the ring, Bruner continues to lower the boom on Dace Night, backing him against the ropes as well.

 

“BOOYAH!”

 

With a ferocious battle cry, the Heavyweight Champion takes a couple of steps back before charging towards the edge of the ring and clotheslining SIN over the top rope! Dace is on the ropes receiving big right hands across the ring, Bruner goes for the clothesline, but Dace ducks it, quickly turns around and joins the rapidly approaching Va’aiga to clothesline the big man over the top rope! Bruner lands on his feet, obviously upset as VDN screams with energy while the crowd approves of the start of the match!

 

“Things aren’t going as you would like right now, eh Sir Marvelous?” asks Mak, with more than a little teasing in his voice.

 

“Just like a typical night between you and a woman, this start is just a trifle premature,” drawls Marv. “My men are simply indulging in a little foreplay right now.”

 

From opposite sides of the ring, SIN and Bruner walk towards each other to meet up and have a small talk; once they meet, they talk while looking at Va’aiga and Dace, challenging them to get into the ring and fight like men. SIN flips them the bird in response, but slowly attempts to slide in the ring nonetheless, only to be chased out by an incoming boot aiming straight to the back of his head! SIN curses in anger, Bruner and SIN talk some more, thinking of the best way to do this. After what seems to be countless seconds, they nod and SIN once again slides into the ring, quicker than before and takes a boot from Va’aiga! Unfazed, SIN determinedly somehow turns to face Dace, while on all fours, and scuttles over to tackle him, but Va’aiga clubs him with a forearm shot to the back; SIN is still holding on to Dace, Va’aiga is still clubbing SIN and nobody in the ring pays any mind to the near five hundred-pounder skulking back into the ring…

 

WHAM!

 

Bruner cracks Va’aiga with a right forearm to the back of his head that did no permanent damage to the Maori, but stuns him nonetheless. Va’aiga turns around quickly, only to get dropped to one knee with a massive right hand connecting right on his jaw!

 

“That’s how you do that!” crows King, acknowledging the strategy of the New York team. “You think things through and work as a team; sometimes you have to sacrifice yourself to get the victory, and they’re obviously willing to do that!”

 

“I’m going to look at this match like the ‘Big Game’ between the New England and New York this year,” says Sir Marvelous, mindful of the NFL’s notorious copyright lawyers. “VDN are like New England, they are the favorites because, well, they have been an established team for a while now, and were champions in the past. People tend to underestimate the powerhouse combination of SIN and Bruner, and while everybody will look at Mister Nunez and Mister Bruner winning as an upset, those two gentlemen will say, ‘I told you so.’” He pauses to add, “And so will I!”

 

Dace is throwing rights and left to the back of SIN’s head in an effort to force the Sin Maker to release him, but Nunez clings onto the Brummie Goth’s legs like it’s his job. Unknown to Night, Va’aiga has been put down to the mat behind him, however; Bruner delivers a boot to the jaw of the Champion’s face, right where he just finished punching him! Completely oblivious, Dace continues to swing away on SIN; suddenly, movement in his peripheral field of vision forces him to look up…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… And come face to fist with a tooth-rattling right hand! SIN, no longer feeling an assault, releases Dace and, with Nunez no longer keeping him upright, the High Priest of Horrorcore crumples to the mat. VDN is down…for the moment.

 

“This is their chance to make a big impact,” says Mak, over a chorus of boos, “but VDN is a high-impact team, and trust me, they’re not going to go out like a couple of chumps!”

 

“Well, of course not,” replies Marv. “And my men have more regard for their decorated opponents than that. After all, it’s not like they’re wrestling a couple of Mak Francis’s in there…”

 

“Ouch!” chuckles King. “You want some salve for that burn, Francis?” SIN makes his way up to his feet, shaking his head to get focus again; he grabs Dace by the back of the head and pulls him to his feet, only to throw him through the top and middle ropes, landing hard on the outside.

 

“Divide and conquer: a brilliant strategy!” says King approvingly. Bruner pulls Va’aiga up to his feet; he grabs the Maori by his arm and whips him across the ring. Va’aiga bounces off from the ropes, comes running back and Bruner leans into him with his shoulder. Va’aiga did not fall; instead he looks up at the massive man and smiles…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… Only to get sucker punched from the blind side by SIN, knocking him down again! The Bully pulls Va’aiga to his feet once again, this time scooping him up like a rag doll; he drives Va’aiga onto his outstretched thigh with a crushing rib breaker, stands back up, still holding the Maori, and the slams the three hundred-plus pound Champion to the canvas as if he were a cruiserweight! Once Va’aiga touches the mat, SIN dashes towards the edge of the ring and bounces off the ropes, running back towards his partner, who lifts Nunez up in the air like a flapjack; SIN comes down with his fist arm and ready and he connects with the ‘Blood Moon’, but fails to draw blood from the Maori’s hard head. SIN goes for the cover…

 

 

“Let’s get this over with,” says King. But, before Herrington can start his count, Bruner lies atop Nunez, making the hopes of Va’aiga kicking out virtually impossible!

 

“What the…” Mak can’t eve finish his sentence, as he witnesses something that you don’t see every day.

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

Va’aiga struggles mightily to lift his shoulder up, but there’s greater than seven hundred pounds on top of him.

 

 

 

 

TH—

 

Dace dives into the ring, gently grabbing the referee’s heel and pulling him away to stop the pinning predicament!

 

“He put his hands on the referee!” roars King. “Disqualify him!”

 

“There are no disqualifications in this match, King,” snipes Mak.

 

“Oh yeah,” grumbles King. “Rats!” Bruner gets to his feet surprisingly quickly, but he still gets tagged with a right hand that would render a smaller man unconscious. Unfortunately for the Brummie Goth, Tracey Bruner is not a smaller man: he absorbs the punch from Dace, and punches him right back! The two titans exchange blows while SIN gets to his feet, and then uses those same feet to stomp a few mud holes in Va’aiga’s head and walk them dry.

 

“Well,” King says elatedly, “no one was expecting a technical exhibition here: this is an old fashioned street fight!”

 

“And, as a street fight, my men from New York City have the decided advantage!” Marvelous states confidently. “Nobody in the SWF knows the streets like Mister Nunez and Mister Bruner; they are FROM the streets! Va’aiga is from the jungle, and Dace Night, quite frankly, is still in the closet, so they have no chance.”

 

SIN inexplicably gets tired of kicking the shit out of Va’aiga, and begins to pull him to his feet, presumably to knock him down again; once up to his feet, however, head still bent over, the Maori Badass charges SIN and lifts him up with a running spear, using his shoulder to penetrate the gut of Nunez! Va’aiga drives him towards the corner and the crowd begins to cheer again as Va’aiga comes alive!

 

Bruner eventually wins the battle of the punches and traps Dace in a front facelock; the Bully grabs the tights of Dace and easily lifts him up in the air, straight vertical. Even the crowd has to admire the power it requires to hold the two hundred sixty pound Brummie Goth overhead for so long! Across the ring, Va’aiga begins to throw rights and left to the head and body of Nunez. The Bronx Bomber does his best to cover himself from the onslaught; not all of Va’aiga’s punches connect, but more than enough do to pound SIN further and further down in the corner, until ultimately, Nunez’s head is leaning back against the bottom turnbuckle, leaving him wide open to get his face stomped like a roach…

 

 

WHAM!

 

… Which is exactly what the Maori does! Meanwhile, after God-only-knows how long, Bruner finally falls back to complete the vertical suplex!

 

“This could be the beginning of the end,” says Mak with anticipation. “Mister Bruner’s taken Dace Night out, and Va’aiga has put SIN out of action; it looks like it’s going to be one-on-one between the two biggest men in the SWF for the next few minutes!” The two men haven’t noticed their respective partners’ predicaments yet, however; Va’aiga continues to talks some trash to SIN, while Bruner instead goes for the cover on Dace:

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TW—

 

 

 

 

Va’aiga runs over and stomps on Bruner’s back to stop the count. Bruner gets mad and gets up, Va’aiga doesn’t back down as the two strongest men in the SWF look at each other, eyes to, well… chin.

 

“Here we go!” shouts King. “Business, as they say, is about to pick up!”

 

“What? Who the hell says that?” Mak ponders aloud.

 

Va’aiga puts the badmouth on the Bully, Bruner talks trash as well, neither man backing down; and, like a ticking time bomb, the threat of explosion only becomes more and more imminent, as the argument gets harsher. Both men scream at each other, spit flying out of their mouths; their heads touch while arguing, and suddenly:

 

 

BOOM!

 

 

The fans are roaring like a bloodthirsty mob as the two titans begin punching each other! After a few shots, they both stagger back briefly, before charging back towards each other; Va’aiga, with a sudden burst of speed, gets the step on Bruner, and leaps at him, raining punches down on his head that cause them to both stumble back towards the edge of the ring, hitting the top rope so hard, they nearly snap it off! Once they settle against the ropes, however, Bruner is able to use his superior bulk to maneuver him and Va’aiga towards the corner. Once there, the Bully grabs onto the top rope and drives his shoulder into Maori’s midsection repeatedly; he then grabs the stunned Heavyweight Champion by the side of the head and slams his own forehead into his opponents with a headbutt, but Va’aiga gets the better of it, thanks to his coconut-splitting skull! Bruner staggers back for a moment, and that moment gives the Maori time to recover; Bruner lunges back towards the corner to deliver a swooping right hook, but Va’aiga ducks underneath and out of the corner behind him! Now Va’aiga jabs, another left jab, and another left jab…he kisses his right hand…

 

 

BAM!

 

 

… And knocks the Bully down with a big over the head right! Va’aiga screams ‘BOO-YAH” and shows off the Shaka sign as the crowd goes wild; the intensity of the Maori is so intense that you can actually see the muscle striations in his neck!

 

 

VA-ING-GUH!

VA-ING-GUH!

VA-ING-GUH!

VA-ING-GUH!

 

Dace slowly recovers and is making his way to his feet; SIN rolls out of the ring after seeing what happen to Bruner and sprawls out on the arena floor to recover. Dace finally heads over towards his partner and the downed Bruner; the VDN pull the big man up and drag him towards the middle of the ring. They apply a front facelock, drape Bruner’s arms over their shoulders and grab the tights as they prepare to lift him up with a double suplex… but SIN gets to his feet and quickly slides back into the ring with an object of some kind…

 

“What does he have in his hand?” asks Mak.

 

“Ha-ha!” crows King. “The mood, as they say, is about to change!”

 

“Seriously,” asks Mak. “Who the hell talks like that?” Dace and Va’aiga begins to lift Bruner up, but SIN, now to his feet, charges from behind them with a bat; Bruner’s feet have just left the canvas, when…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

SIN swings the bat to middle of Dace’s back! The High Priest of Horrorcore cries out as he lets Bruner go, and quickly grabs his back. Before Va’aiga could do anything, SIN swings the bat again…

 

 

BAM!

 

 

… And connects, right on Va’aiga’s right arm! Bruner falls to the ground and quickly shakes the cobwebs off. SIN swings the bat again and takes Va’aiga down, hitting him in the back of the knee. VDN is down; Bruner is up to his feet. The New York brothers are now looking at each other with a sick smile on their face, both thinking to themselves that he party is just getting started.

 

“You know, why are all these guys in the ring, anyway?” asks Mak. “I mean, it might be no disqualifications, but this isn’t officially a Tornado Tag; two of those guys should be on the apron!”

 

“So what?” replies King derisively. “What’s the referee going to do about it? Ask them to leave the ring?”

 

“He should do something,” says Mak. “It’s his job to establish order in that ring!”

 

“I tell you what, Mister Francis,” drawls Sir Marvelous, as Bruner pulls Dace to his feet. “Why don’t you roll yourself in the ring and tell two of those behemoths to step out onto the apron? I’m sure they’ll give you the attention that you deserve!” Bruner whips Dace across the ring into the far corner, slamming him back-first against the turnbuckles!

 

“You’re only one leg from joining me in a wheelchair yourself,” threatens Mak as he turns to face the Southern Gentleman. “I’m not so crippled that I can’t kick YOUR ass! Keep (expletive deleted)-ing with me at your own risk!” Bruner grabs SIN by the wrist and whips him towards the ropes, but Nunez reverses at the last minute, rocketing the near five hundred pounder into the corner instead for a running splash! Bruner grabs Dace by the back of the head and shoves him towards the center of the ring, where he is met by a running clothesline from the Bronx Bomber!

 

“Ferocious double team maneuver by SIN and Bruner,” says King, as Nunez runs to the ropes, “And they’re not done yet!” Bruner lifts SIN into a military press as he bounces off the ropes, and launches him overhead, where he hangs in midair for a split second before crashing down into Dace Night’s chest! Herrington counts the pinfall:

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

Dace just gets the shoulder up! SIN and Bruner leave Dace to his own devices momentarily, and turn their attention to the Heavyweight Champion; Bruner pulls Va’aiga to his feet and traps him in a waistlock before lifting him overhead for a belly-to-back suplex, and Nunez runs up from behind to grab Va’aiga by the head as Bruner falls back to crush the Maori with a neckbreaker/suplex combination! Va’aiga rolls out of the ring, and SIN pursues his arch-rival, leaving Bruner alone in the ring with Dace Night.

 

“SIN heads out to take his frustrations out on Va’aiga,” says Mak. “And these two have developed a lot of violent history in a short amount of time!” Nunez pulls Va’aiga to his feet and grabs him by the wrist, whipping him across the arena floor and sending him back-first into the hard rubber barricade; he charges across the ring to follow up, when the Maori Badass suddenly dips his shoulder and lifts SIN into the air, sending him flying overhead into the crowd!

 

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAH!

 

 

“Tremendous counter by the Heavyweight Champion!” cheers Mak. As Va’aiga crawls over the barricade to take after Nunez, back in the ring, the Bully pulls Dace to his feet, and the Brummie Goth suddenly snaps to attention and begins punching Bruner in the face:

 

 

WHAM!

WHAM!

WHAM!

 

 

Bruner takes a swing at Dace, but Night ducks underneath, and continues his assault:

 

 

WHAM!

WHAM!

WHAM!

 

 

Bruner attempts another lunging right cross, but the Brummie Goth avoids him yet again:

 

 

WHAM!

WHAM!

WHAM!

 

 

Finally, the Bully stops his attack with a kneelift to the midsection! In the crowd, Nunez and Va’aiga cut a swath through the crowd, trading punches as they seemingly migrate from one side of the arena to the other. As they approach the entranceway, Nunez stuns Va’aiga with a boot to the midsection and leads him over to the barricade; SIN grabs Va’aiga by the back of the head and slams him down headfirst into the barricade, but this only serves to revitalize the Maori Badass, and he responds with a thunderous right cross to Nunez’s temple, to the delight of the crowd!

 

In the ring, Bruner grabs Dace by the wrist and whips him across the ring, raising his arm to deliver a clothesline as Dace bounces off the ropes, only for Night to duck underneath and run across to the opposite side of the ring. The Pale Rider picks up speed as he bounces off the ropes…

 

 

BANG!

 

 

… But that speed completely dissipates as his head bounces off the canvas, courtesy of a tremendous bearhug spinebuster by the Bully! Bruner reaches down to grab Dace by the wrist, and then drags him over to a neutral corner.

 

“The power of Mister Bruner as neutralized Dace Night’s short-lived attempt at a comeback,” says King, as Bruner eases up onto the middle ropes. “And now, Mister Bruner looks like he could be going for that big legdrop; if he hits it, they’re going to have to pick Dace up with a spatula!” Bruner launches himself off of the ropes, extending his leg to deliver a legdrop, only for Dace to roll out of the way at the last second! Outside the ring, Va’aiga clotheslines SIN over the barricade, and into the entrance aisle! He crawls over the barricade himself, and pulls Nunez to his feet, leading him back to ringside, and slamming him headfirst into the hard edge of the ring.

 

Back inside, Dace crawls over towards Bruner and tries to take advantage of his stunned state to go for a cheap cover:

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

Bruner kicks out relatively easily at two. Dace pulls Bruner to his feet, keeping him subdued with a series of ferocious elbow smashes to the face; he grabs Bruner by the wrist and whips him across the ring, only for Bruner to again counter and send Dace flying instead, but this time, the Brummie Goth catches the unsuspecting Bruner in the face with a Yakuza kick that knocks him down! As Dace gathers himself for another maneuver, he notices his partner pulling a table out from underneath the ring!

 

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAH!

 

 

“Looks like the VDN are hoping to put the V part into practice,” notes Mak, as Va’aiga unfolds the table and stands it up outside the ring; he then pulls SIN onto the apron, trapping him in a standing headscissors.

 

“He’s going for a piledriver!” shouts King. “Through a table, onto the arena floor, no less; that could be deadly!” Dace goes to pull Bruner to his feet, but the Bruner grabs Dace by the waistband of his tights and pulls him through the ropes out to the floor!

 

“I wouldn’t worry about the Violence Distribution Network, King,” says Marv coolly, as Bruner gets to his feet. “As you can see, my men have things well in hand.” Surely enough, Bruner comes around from Va’aiga’s blind side, before the Champion can pull Nunez into a piledriver position, and stuns him with a double-axe handle to the back! The Bully then turns Va’aiga to face him and grabs him by the throat with his massive paw, lifting him off the apron…

 

 

CRUNCH!

 

 

… And throwing him down to the table with a chokeslam! The Heavyweight Champion crashes through the table and bounces his head off the concrete floor! With a sneer on his face, Nunez inches across the apron and drops down to a clear part of the floor, before walking around the corner to retrieve Dace.

 

“That was an incredibly sickening maneuver!” shouts Mak. “You could hear the thud echo throughout the arena when Va’aiga’s head struck that concrete!”

 

“Hey, if you can’t take the heat, don’t bring in a table!” replies King sarcastically.

 

“Exactly,” drawls Marvelous, as SIN pulls Dace to his feet. “Va’aiga and Dace Night started something with my men that they can’t finish! And now you’re going to see them make a statement at the VDN’s expense. They’re about to put TKO, and the rest of the tag teams in this company on notice!” Bruner pulls Dace to his feet and holds his arms from behind as SIN climbs back into the ring; Nunez’s face splits into a sinister sneer as he balls his fists up and begins to deliver measured punches to Night’s face and body.

 

“They’re toying with him!” cries Mak. “SIN can pick and choose which body part on Dace Night he wants to destroy!”

 

“And take all day to do it!” crows Marvelous, as Nunez continues to punch Dace. SIN runs to the ropes to pick up enough speed to deliver an extra devastating punch…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… But the resourceful Pale Rider gets both of his feet up, and smashes Nunez in the face with a double boot!

 

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAH!

 

 

As soon as his feet set back down on the canvas, Dace snaps his head back, slamming it into the bridge of Bruner’s nose! He does it a second time, creating just enough separation between him and the Bully to rear back…

 

 

CHING!

 

 

… And slam his heel into Bruner’s groin with a mule kick! Bruner doubles over in pain, and Dace quickly follows up with a European uppercut! The Brummie Goth tacks on a few elbow smashes to keep the Bully off his stride, when he notices SIN moving in his peripheral vision; Night steps out of the way, just as Nunez rushes forward to deliver a running double-axe handle, that sends Bruner stumbling backwards, and into the ropes, where he gets his arms tied up!

 

“Bruner’s hooked!” shouts Mak. “He’s hooked in the ropes!”

 

“This is terrible!” cries King, as Dace lifts SIN off the canvas, and back down with a brainbuster. “How have things have changed for the worse so quickly?” Dace applies a lateral press, as Herrington gets into position to count:

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

Nunez kicks out at two!

 

 

“Not to worry, King!” says Marv reassuringly. “My men still have this match well in hand!” Dace pulls Nunez to his feet and whips him across the ring, catching him as he comes back, and driving him into the canvas with a release spinebuster! Dace collapses atop him, hooking the leg as the referee counts:

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THR— NO!

 

 

 

 

“Close call for SIN!” replies Mak. “He managed to escape defeat, but Dace has control of this match, and… wait a minute: it looks like Va’aiga is getting back to his feet!”

 

“If SIN has to go it alone against Dace and Va’aiga, it’s going to be hard for him to win!” moans King.

 

“If you’ll excuse me gentlemen, I think I have some business to attend to,” says Marvelous. With that, he removes the headset and gets to his feet, hobbling over to where Bruner is trapped, and easing up onto the apron to help his man out of the ropes. On the other side of the ring, Va’aiga rummages underneath the ring for something; finding what he was looking for, he pulls it out, much to the crowd’s approval:

 

 

A weed whacker!

 

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAH!

 

 

“Oh NO!” shouts King.

 

 

The fans unleash a cheer that shakes the foundations of the building as Va’aiga tosses the trusty weed whacker into Horrorcore! Dace turns his attention back to SIN, but Nunez takes one look at the weed whacker, and heads for lower ground; SIN slides out to the arena floor and presumed safety…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… Only to get laid to waste by the Suicidal, Homicidal, Fratricidal, Genocidal, Crippled More Men Than Polio LAAAAARIIIIIOOOOOTOOOOO!

 

 

“The Lariat!” shouts Mak, as the Maori Badass again poses for the crowd with the Shaka sign. “Va’aiga just about took SIN’s head off with the Lariat!”

 

“But this isn’t a Falls Count Anywhere match,” replies King, as Anderson finally gets Bruner free of the ropes. “He can’t get the win from out there!” Dace, posing inside the ring with the weed whacker, in celebration of his partner hitting his big move outside, doesn’t notice Bruner looming behind him; the massive bodyguard delivers a bone-crushing double-axe handle that knocks the weed whacker out of his hands, and proceeds to apply a choke from behind. Dace quickly begins to fight back, rifling back elbow smashes to Bruner’s head, causing him to let go and push Night towards the ropes; Va’aiga slips back into the ring and picks up the weed whacker as Dace ducks a clothesline attempt, and the two of them each grab a side, charging towards Bruner as he bounces off the ropes, to knock him down with a weed whacker-assisted double clothesline!

 

 

“Unbelievable teamwork by the VDN!” shouts Mak. “They’ve taken down the big man!”

 

“The only good thing about that is that they bent the weed whacker!” says King. “There’s no way that Dace will be able to maim someone with it, now!” Va’aiga motions for Dace to set Bruner up for the Lariat, but as Night is getting Bruner to his feet, Sir Marvelous gets back onto the apron, causing Dace to head over and grab him by the collar, threatening to pull him into the ring!

 

 

YEAAAAAAAAAAH!

 

 

“Do it, Dace!” cheers Mak. “It couldn’t happen to a more deserving guy!” Deciding to leave Anderson’s fate to the Brummie Goth, Va’aiga races past Bruner towards the edge of the ring, picking up speed as he bounces off the ropes, making another pass at Bruner…

 

 

CRASH!

 

 

… Only for SIN to suddenly spring to life and grab the top rope, pulling it down as Va’aiga makes his second pass, and causing him to crash headfirst onto the concrete floor for a second time! SIN slides back into the ring, just as Dace knocks Sir Marvelous to the floor with a big right hand; the Pale Rider turns his attention back to the center of the ring…

 

 

WHAM!

 

 

… Only for Nunez to run up and drill him face-first into the canvas with a running cutter! The movement snaps Bruner out of his haze and, seeing Night on the canvas, he springs into action, running to the ropes and leaping into the air as he rebounds…

 

 

SPLASH!

 

 

… Crashing down onto Dace’s chest with an avalanche splash! He remains on top for a cover, and SIN keeps an eye out for Va’aiga, as Herrington gets into position:

 

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

THREE!

 

 

 

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

 

 

 

“Call The Ambulance” begins to blare throughout the arena as the referee holds the New Yorkers’ hands overhead in victory.

 

“A miscarriage of justice here in Clemson,” snaps Mak, “but it’ll stand in the record books as a big victory for SIN and Bruner!”

 

 

“And just like Marvelous said, it’ll serve notice to all of the tag teams in the SWF, especially TKO! This has to put them in line for a title shot!”

 

 

“Here are your winners,” booms Funyon, “the team of SIN, and BIIIIIG BULLY BRUUUUUNER!”

 

 

“A very disappointing loss for the VDN…”

 

“Speak for yourself!” chirps King. “That match didn’t disappoint me at all!”

 

“Like I was saying,” continues Mak, “a disappointing loss for the VDN, who may have lost a little bit of momentum heading into Genesis!”

 

“Let’s just hope, after such a violent match, Va’aiga will still be healthy enough to defend the title at Genesis… But, for now, we’ve run over our allotted time, so we’ve got to get out of here! For the King, this is the Franchise… and we’ll see you at Genesis!”

 

 

SIN and Bruner pantomime title belts around their waists…

 

 

 

 

As we:

FADE OUT

 

 

SWF Storm

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