ITT: talk about how much weddings fucking blow

[Ketamine Disaster 0]

Yes, because Uncle Fester could tap that.

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

I have to be drunk in order for me to attend any wedding.

[Failed Bridge 0]

I recently went to a wedding reception having to do with my girlfriend's mother's side of the family. One of my girlfriend's cousins (tanned, absolutely perfect d-cups, nice ass, gorgeous face and pouty lips) was checking me out all night and giving me looks where I knew I could have done something with her. My girlfriend noticed and said to me "If she doesn't stop it I'm going to go across the table and smack the bitch up". I only wish the family wasn't cheap because had they gone with an open bar I could have had one hell of a threesome that night seeing as how my girl is a very horney kind of drunk.

 

Later on in the evening I proceeded to break one of the toilets in the hotel where the reception took place because the fish they served made me sick. I tried flushing and it struggled for all of 5 seconds before completely dying.

[Black Lushus 0]

a threesome with your girl and her cousin?

 

Who are you? Laz?

[The Niggardly King 0]

wait I thought Laz blew a dude?

 

I mean he talks about puffing butts n fags all the time.

[Lord of The Curry 0]

*Throws tomatoes*

[Nighthawk 0]

Was that ever actually done, or is it just something you see in comedy? I mean, where would you get tomatoes at a theatrical performance?

[Slayer 0]

I was at a concert in LA, and the band was having an off night, and some people in the audience started throwing tomatoes at the band.

 

I thought "who would throw tomatoes at the band?" That's bad... but then I thought "who would bring a tomato to a show in the first place?" That's worse.

[Lt. Al Giardello 0]

Was that ever actually done, or is it just something you see in comedy? I mean, where would you get tomatoes at a theatrical performance?

 

From the Mexicans selling fruits and veggies outside the building... Where else?

[Nighthawk 0]

I appreciate those Mexicans. I've been known to buy a bag of oranges from time to time when I lived in LA.

 

You know what they sell up here, though? Fucking flowers. That's all. I don't need fucking flowers.

[Guest Tzar Lysergic]

Jamaicans sold cigarettes and sugarcane.

[The Niggardly King 0]

Them Mexicans with flowers make a killing off freeways during Valentines and Easter.

[Nighthawk 0]

None of that for me. I use cards for any female special occasion. Hello Kitty on rollerblades, says "You're Rollerriffic!", things like that. Works great, as they're appropriate enough to be cute, but bizarre enough to be striking. Flowers off the freeway, that's totally unoriginal.

[At Home 0]

When I was a kid, I got mad when I went to weddings and I didn't have a part in them.

[Nighthawk 0]

When I was a kid, I got mad because I wasn't allowed to wear a ski mask to a funeral.