HD: CI segment

[King Cucaracha 0]

COLE
Molly Nerdly has been busy again this week. She's given us a special director's cut of one of her film projects, as she spent the day with Cucaracha Internacional.


[size=3][color="#FFA500"][i][b]THE OAOAST: AN INTERNACIONAL WORKPLACE[/b][/i][/color][/size]
[i]An internal look at OAOAST business
By Molly Nerdly[/i]

In a presumably borrowed business room at one of the OAOAST's weekly visits, Cucaracha Internacional are sat lined down a table. At the front of the room stands Landon Maddix, [s]SWF ICTV[/s] OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Title over his shoulder.

MADDIX
I've called you all together today, because today is a special day. It's officially been a year and a half, give or take a few days, since we joined up and former Cucaracha Internacional. Now lately, we've been doing well for ourselves. We've got our brand new 8-Man Tag Team Titles and we're finally showing people what we're capable of. We're finally working like a unit. But, we can't get complacent. As a team, we should always be wanting more. More success. More accolades. More money. More, more, more. So, I feel that today is as good a day as ever to conduct a performance evaluation.

Black and Blonde look confused. Faqu looks... well, he's chewing on something and not paying attention.

BLACK
Evaluation?

MADDIX
It's nothing to worry about Nat, relax.

BLONDE
(looking around)
Is Todd not in on this, or something?

MADDIX
We will [i]all[/i] be getting evaluated. We're a team, right? A unit? All parts equal? Trust me, nobody will be getting any special treatment from me.

~~~~~

Cut to Landon, pacing, on a cellphone.

MADDIX
Well, listen... no, no, it's nothing important, it's just a quick performance review, I... oh, well, how far away are you... can you not... no it's okay, I understand Todd, I... yeah, well, okay, to condense it down to the bottom line, much improved and again, I want to officially thank you for seeing what I've been trying to convince you of for so lo... oh... oh, okay... no, I completely understand, you, you go, you go, we'll talk another time, no sweat.

Hanging up the phone, Landon turns to camera with a sheepish smile.

MADDIX
He was busy.

~~~~~

Cut to Landon at a commandeered desk. Sat on the other side is a thoroughly disinterested Nathaniel Black.

MADDIX
Now, don't worry, this is just a casual chat. Nobody's on trial here! (laughs) All good energy. Uhm, let's see. Well, I can't fault your work effort or your contribution to the cause. Every group needs someone to carry the workload. The organ grinder. The carthorse. Someone who's not concerned with hogging the spotlight and being the star. That's you right there Nat.

BLACK
Cheers, I guess.

MADDIX
I do have one minor constructive criticism to bring up. Just a small thing. So I don't want you to take this the wrong way. We're all friends here. It's just sometimes, you can be a little confrontational Nat.

BLACK
Confrontational? [i]-*bleep*-[/i] off mate! And quit bloody callin' me Nat would yeh?

MADDIX
See that's kinda what I'm talking about right there.

Black rolls his eyes and folds his arms.

~~~~~

MADDIX
(to camera)
Nat can be... a little grouchy sometimes. I think it's an English thing. But I know how to handle him. A good leader understands the complexities of his team. Nelson had to deal with all sorts.

~~~~~

Cut to Landon, now with Faqu sat in front of him. The Samoan fidgets in his seat, distracted by... well, seemingly everything around him. 

MADDIX
...you're doing fine.

~~~~~

Cut to later, with Megan now in the hotseat.

MEGAN
So, did you get anything out of this idea of yours?

MADDIX
I feel it's been very constructive, yes. You've got to have accountability in a team. If one part of the unit doesn't pull their weight, the whole thing falls apart. I need these guys to feel responsible. Responsible for the success and responsible for their role in keeping things going. And I think we're getting somewhere. So, let's get started, shall we?

MEGAN
:huh:
Wait, you're evaluating [i]me[/i]?

MADDIX
Of course! You heard me earlier, we'll all be evaluated. And last I checked you're a part of the team, so let's do this. But, before we get started, don't even think of trying to seduce me to get a good review. Let's keep this strictly professional.

Clearly a jokey comment, Megan doesn't see the funny side, still amazed at the fact she's being evaluated and staring at Landon like he's lost his mind.

~~~~~

MADDIX
(to camera)
I jus... I just can't tolerate disloyalty. Even when it's from someone I'm 'involved' with. Actually, no, [i]especially[/i] from someone I'm 'involved' with. Megan needs to realise, she's not getting a free ride. Not from me. You play favourites with your piece of skirt and VOOM, there's uproar. And I won't have anyone accusing me of nepotism.

~~~~~

MADDIX
Okay. We've known each other for about six years now, so I think we both know each other about as well as we could. And I wouldn't swap that for the world. I mean, if I did replace you, think of what I'd be missing out on. You know how I like my coffee, what to avoid ordering in my sandwiches, my favourite fabric softener... quite frankly, you're invaluable. But, I feel like sometimes, you could be a little more supportive.

MEGAN
...excuse me?

MADDIX
Well, just... how to put this delicately... you're prone to mood swings. And don't take that the wrong way, because that would prove my point. You know, I have all these great ideas, like this evaluation and you seem really enthusiastic. Then I say something or do something and suddenly you're throwing a hissy. Or you go all 'deadpan' and suddenly everything's a cause for saying something sarcastic.

MEGAN
Usually when you say or do something.

MADDIX
Exactly! And I don't understand it and it's not helpful. And then other times, I feel that you let our relationship get in the way of business. We have to stay professional. No matter what our urges.

MEGAN
Like the time you suggested we sneak away for a quickie while we were approving t-shirt designs?

MADDIX
(laughing nervously)
I'm sorry... did... did I pass out and suddenly this is [i]my[/i] evaluation? Can we just... stay on topic here please? Hehheh...

~~~~~

MEGAN
(to camera)
Sometimes, I dream that I'm choking him.

~~~~~

Cut to the desk again and the final evaluee, a confident James Blonde.

BLONDE
I just want to say, what an honour it's been to learn and develop under you. These past eighteen months have been some of the best of my entire life. You took this humble Canadian journeyman and you turned him into a champion. You did that! You gave me the confidence to be myself, the Trendsetter. All those years I spent in OAOVW, learning under people like Anglesault, like Tony Brannigan, like Zack Malibu. They could all learn a little something from you. I know I have.

MADDIX
(trying to act humble)
Well... give me a second to write that down, I've got to put that on my resumé...

BLONDE
It's all true. And the best is yet to come, I know it.

MADDIX
Well I feel the same way. This group relies on unity and loyalty and I've never had a problem with you on that front.

BLONDE
Never [i]will[/i], boss.

MADDIX
I see that potential in you. It's true. It's like... I have a gift for seeing talent. And yours is shining bright. I couldn't ignore it and soon, nobody will be able to.

BLONDE
(lost for words)
I... can't tell you how much it means hearing that from you.

MOLLY
(off camera)
Oh God, cut!

~~~~~

MEGAN
(to camera)
What do I think of Landon?

~~~~~~

BLACK
(to camera)
He's an idiot. But, who ain't 'round 'ere? He's a successful idiot, that's what counts, innit?

~~~~~~

BLONDE
(to camera)
Landon is everything I aspire to be.

~~~~~~

MEGAN
(to camera)
My father had a saying. "If he had a brain, he'd be dangerous." He said it to me the very first time he met Landon actually. He was a good judge of character, my father.

~~~~~

FAQU
*stares at camera*