HD: The Heavenly Rockers performance

[King Cucaracha 0]

Where usually stands the OAOAST's interview stage, now stands a stage holding musical equipment, with three OAOAST technical crew members scurrying around like beavers trying to get everything prepared. Four more stand at the back, waving down a giant sign rig, shaped like The Heavenly Rockers' logo.

COACH
Alright, let's get this show started already!

COLE
Coach, we're halfway through the show already.

COACH
That was just the warm-up act. This right here is the real show, the show these people paid to see.

The sign is lowers into position, hovering behind the stage. And it lights up, showing no expense has been spared. A mic check is carried out, drowned out by chants of "ROCK - ERS SUCK".

LOGAN
LAS VEGAS ARE YOU REEEAAADDYYYYYY!!?!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

With the stage set up, the crew are run off by THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS, lead to the stage by a SEA of security personnel. Logan jogs out in front and bangs his head like a wildman before jumping onto the stage and raises his arms in the air. To boos. Not exactly the start you want to a concert.

LOGAN
I SAID LAS VEGAS ARE YOU READY, MAKE SOME NOISE BITCHES!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

COACH
What a commanding presence! He tells them to do something, they do it. We are in the presence of greatness.

Holly takes up her position on stage, but there's a hold up, as Synth first stops to join in prayer with Abdullah, stage-side.

LOGAN
HEY! Couldn't you have done that crap backstage?! This is Las Vegas, God's blindspot, don't waste your damn time!

Trying their best to block out Logan's ranting, Abdullah and Synth finish their prayer and head onto the stage. Yes, Abdullah as well for some reason. After a warm-up drum-roll from Synth, Logan calls for quiet and is met with yet more boos from a restless Vegas crowd.

LOGAN
Alright, we're gonna kick this damn thing off properly. We're in LAS VEGAS, NEVADA...

"YYYAAAAAAYYYYYY!!"

LOGAN
...the city The Heavenly Rockers built...

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

LOGAN
...SO LET'S KICK IT OFF!!

And so begins a Heavenly Rockers intepretation of Viva Las Vegas, Synth laying into the drums and Holly tearing at the guitar, while Logan's raspy voice 

LOGAN
Bright light city gonna set my soul
Gonna set my soul on FIYAH
Got a whole lot of money thats ready to burn,
So get those stakes up higher
There's a thousand pretty women waitin out there
And they're all livin devil may care
And I'm just the devil with love to spare
So...

ABDULLAH
ۂۅەڿڼڜڙڜڗڕ
ۂۅەڿڼڜڙڜڗڕ

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

LOGAN
How I wish that there were more
Than the twenty-four hours in the day
Cause even if there were forty more
I wouldnt sleep a minute away
Oh, there's blackjack and poker and the roulette wheel
A fortune won and lost on every deal
All you needs a strong heart and a nerve of steel

ABDULLAH
ۂۅەڿڼڜڙڜڗڕ
ۂۅەڿڼڜڙڜڗڕ

ABDULLAH
ۂۅەڿڼڜڙڜڗڕ

LOGAN
...with your neon flashing
And your one armbandits crashin
All those hopes down the drain

ABDULLAH
ۂۅەڿڼڜڙڜڗڕ

LOGAN
...turnin' day into nighttime
Turnin' night into daytime
If you see it once
You'll never be the same agaaaiiiiiiin!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Even with a flourishing ending, the performance doesn't go down well and boos sound out.

COACH
That's the best version of Viva Las Vegas I've ever heard... at least, I think that's what it was.

LOGAN
Oh yeah, we're rocking tonight Vegas! You're looking at the best in the world right here. I wanna point out real quick, these drums right here. These are no ordinary drums. These right here are drums used, on tour, and signed, by Whitesnake. You idiots heard of Whitesnake!? You better have. And these are their drums, as used by Whitesnake. Don't get it wrong, they weren't actually a gift of nothing. They didn't want to give them to us. But we MADE THEM! YEAH!

*drumroll*

LOGAN
Alright, let's get down to another song right now. We're gonna slow it down a little bit, take the mood a little softer... HEY, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

Annoyed by the boos, Logan flips out and has to be calmed down by his band-mates.

LOGAN
We're gonna slow things down with this next song and I'm gonna dedicate to my babygirl, Holly. The girl this company couldn't keep down! They tried to put her out to pasture, but it ain't happening! This is the baddest bitch in the motherfucking world right here! And Sunday, she's gonna tear it up Heavenly Rocker style and take back that OAOAST Bitches Championship like you know she's gonna! And then...

.:CUE: "HERE COMES THE PAIN":.

COLE
What the...

The fans are confused, but not as confused at The Heavenly Rockers at being interrupted. The confusion gets even ore confusing as a rap beat starts to play over Here Comes The Pain. Logan demands to know what's going on, yelling at the security surrounding the stage to go find out what's causing the interruption. Before suddenly, a huge cheer goes up and out walks a tracksuit wearing, baseball cap backwards flaunting, cuckoo clock around the neck swagging, Alix Maria-Spezia aka [color=purple]GLOCK LESNAR[/color]!!!!

COLE
OH SNAPOLA!!

GLOCK LESNAR
Yo yo, cut the beat, can it like "My Name Is Earl". What the deal, Vegas? The Glock up in this piece, feelin' the love, feelin' the blood, no doubt about it. Yo, lemme apologise real quick, I don't mean to tread on no toes but I can't be doing with it no mo'! I been chillin' back in my domain with my crew, tryin' kick back on the cold ill, you know and then I hears this whack noise and I'm like did somebody turn on the audition portions of America's Got Talent where none of them actually have talent raising serious questions of irony? What the deal? So I goes roamin' and I gotta say you guys ain't doin' it real. Nah nah. See, where I come from, you gotta do it real. Life ain't a rehearsal where I come from. But you guys need a little more rehearsal, no disrespecting meant. How you gonna come up in here and claim like you the best in the world? Huh? How you gonna do that?

LOGAN
ENOUGH OF THIS! Security, get her the HELL out of here, NOW, before I kick all of your fat donut chomping asses! Nobody interrupts the greatest rock 'n wrestling band of al...

GLOCK LESNAR
Yo, yo, Logan! Logan! I'm real happy for you that you got your chief groupie and I'mma let you finish... BUT GLOCK LESNAR HAD THE GREATEST MUSIC VIDEO OF ALL TIME! OF. [B]ALL. [I]TIME.[/I][/B]

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

LOGAN
GET HER OUTTA HERE! NOW!

Security begins to make a move on Alix and she throws her hands up in the air, telling them to "be cool" and protesting she's not "carrying no heat". The Heavenly Rockers watch on from the edge of the stage, furious that their homecoming performance has been ruined. With the security all out in front though, there's nobody guarding the back of the stage, from D*LUX, JADE AND MAYA!!!

COLE
HEY!

The crowd erupt as Maya picks up Holly's discarded guitar and takes a wild swing, sending Abdullah running for the hills. Logan and Synth turn around and are met with right hands from D*LUX, crashing the stage in a big way! Holly is tackled to the ground by Jade and a scrap breaks out between them, while Logan and Synth are sent tumbling off the stage courtesy of dropkicks from Tyler and Shayne!!

COACH
How dare these young punks ruin this great moment! HOW!?

Tyler and Shayne encourage The Heavenly Rockers to come get some more and Logan is ready to go, absolutely losing it. He's held back by Synth, as Abdullah drags Holly to safety from Jade. Security come back to restore some order and turn their efforts on The Heavenly Rockers to try and get them safely to the back. Which allows Alix to join D*LUX and the Duncan girls on the stage.

GLOCK LESNAR
Vegas, you want an encore!?

"YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!"

Jade immediately protests that she really can't sing and tries to talk Alix out of her idea. But singing isn't on Glock's mind. Together, she and Maya drag The Heavenly Rockers' prized Whitesnake drum set and tip it over, pointing Shayne and Tyler to the mic stands.

SYNTH
:O

COACH
Oh no!

Smiles form on Tyler and Shayne's faces, as Logan flips out again and has to be restrained by the security personnel. As does Synth, all spiritual peace and serenity vanishing the moment he sees his drums in danger. And The Heavenly Rockers can only look on as Tyler and Shayne raise the mid-stands in the air...


*THUD!*
*THUD!*
*THUD!*

*SMASH!*

COACH
AAAAHHHHHHH!!

COLE
There go the drums!

Once both drums are smashed, Maya jumps up onto the fallen set and breaks out into an air guitar solo. "Makes Me Wonder" hits and Logan vows death and disembowling as he's carted away, while Synth is close to tears.

COLE
And this Las Vegas crowd is most definately prepared to GLOCK!

COACH
Only way this could have been worse is if D*LUX had sung. Still, a travesty.

D*LUX and Jade watch The Heavenly Rockers and Holly being removed from the arena with satisfaction, as the air concert continues behind them with Maya and Glock rocking out.