The Ill One

G'damn, I missed out on the reunion, it's all good though. I logged into my old e-mail account today and saw the TSM forum e-mail from a week ago, so I ventured on back. So I'm under the impression it was a one-time thing, but then Francis proclaims the SWF still lives... was that just a cliche last line or is there an actual revival? If that's the case, then I definitely want in. Otherwise, cool to see everybody, hope everything's goin' well.

Yeah, same here, I had a lot going on, sorry guys. But, Dub, if you're down- we can try for it again (maybe even add a stip so I have a chance at winning, too ).

That's now one of my new favorites and the kazoo playing while the headless chicken ran was perfect. ("Poof!")

You know, stubborn as I have been about it, if we did the time warp I'd probably would have spelt it right. But, hey, Dub-Cee if you want a good fight, I'm down.

Oh shit! If you can't wait then use the old stats, Dub, but I'm tweaking with them if you can wait until later tonight.

The last two have been pretty damn funny, although my friends and I still lose it with the black guy being interviewed about Mysterion. I've been trying to find a picture when his head is cocked to the side and that lil' smile.

Yeah, sorry I wasn't able to get anything in. This truly isn't because of the recent loss (hell, I hated the match I sent in and Va'aiga was tops) but thanks to recent events I have no clue when I'll be around next, could be a few shows or never, I really have no clue. I'm truly banking on swinging by in a show or two it's I can't make any sort of promises. In the meantime, it's been fun, guys.

Hey Clark, give me some time so I can update my stats. This one oughta' be fun.

Shit, I pretty much just read this and somehow blanked on the match. I can still get something in later tonight if it's not too late.

Congrats to our new World Champion, Va'aiga.

Diaz Brothers, Slice, Lidell, Penn (I loathe him but he's so, so damn good), Sherk, Hughes, Florian, Ken Shamrock, Bisping, Sylvia, Herman, Lutter

I met Jeff Jarrett, he was actually pretty cool but it was really brief and I lost that autograph weeks later.

The room is dimly lit and a single, lonely steel chair sits in front of a camera shakily propped up against an old tripod, it’s a scene that’s all too familiar for the SWF fans… it’s a scene that’s all too familiar for any attentive opponent of the man who suddenly appears, comfortably plopping into the chair, title belt over his shoulder, head tilted down, arms against his knees, and a smile plastered on his face. The Ill One looks up and cocks his head to the side, mouth slightly open, and almost looking uncertain of what he wants to say. “Usually I’d have a cute spiel to use as a segue to what I’m about to say…” IL pauses and rubs at his chin before shrugging. “But this message is so simple that I don’t want it to even think of it getting watered down by a lengthy prelude, alright? Va’aiga, you recently challenged me, proclaimed yourself as hardcore, and so you want a Hell in the Cell? You want to fight me, the Ill One, in a Hell in the Cell? I don’t even need to answer, do I because I know, you know, and the fans know what that answer will be… but, just to have it on record…” “If you want to have a Hell in the Cell at Ground Zero then you fuckin’ got it! You want to raise the stakes, you want to mess with the World Champ, you want to take it to the next level then fine, come see what happens! I know you’re down, I sure as hell am down, so we’re going to collide in a Hell in the Cell then, okay?” The Ill One settles down. “Honestly, Va’aiga, your challenge didn’t even rattle me, I put you through a flaming table the first time around for fun… so I feel the urge, no, I feel an obligation to warn you…” He laughs a bit and looks right into the camera, focused. “So I’m warning you right now, Va’aiga, I’m not messing around, I’m not trying to sound tough, and I’m sure as hell not trying to compensate- no, this is your one and only warning, this is something that better be echoing in that hard headed Maori skull of yours, okay? Are you listening, I mean, Va’aiga, are you truly… truly listening?” Insane Luchador takes a brief moment before leaning closer to the camera as if being ready to tell somebody a secret. “You better bring your best at Ground Zero, you better bring every-fuckin’-thing you got and you damn well better use it at Ground Zero because I will be. I’m going to bring my best because it’s who I am, World Championship defense or not, I am going to be throwing every move from the arsenal, you hear me?” He pats the World Title slung over his shoulder and smirks, comfortably leaning back into the chair before heavily sighing. “Now why am I saying that, Va’aiga, why would I be stressing such a cliché phrase that gets tossed around all the time? Well, I’m not going to lie… I’m not going to lie and say it’s out of sportsmanship, or out of respect, or out of a yearning to prove myself a worthy Champion, no I say that out of…” “Well, I say that out of the decency of one human being to another… don’t take reassurance in that, Va’aiga, don’t let that for a millisecond seem like a sign of weakness or some sort of concession what may or may not go down at Ground Zero. No, take that as your one warning of what will be coming your way at Ground Zero, I give you this warning so that after I’m staring at your mangled, tangled and crippled heap of a former human being there’s no doubt in my mind that you knew what was coming. That you knew you are stepping into the ring with the Ill One, the World Champion, and that you were the one who sealed your own fate, once again! I mean, shit, did you see what happened last time we met? I can’t imagine that you’ve taken –that- many blows to the head to forget exactly what transpired in our first lil’ rendezvous and what led up to it… hell, even I haven’t taken –that- many blows to the head to forget.” Insane Luchador briefly shakes his head before looking down at the World Championship, wiping an imaginary smudge off the belt before looking up with a smile. “You ran your mouth, Va’aiga, you ran your mouth and woke up one gore-iffically motivated side to me and now, here we go, some odd months later and you are doing it again! Come on, now, there’s nothing to compensate for, Va’aiga, you’re a tough guy with a hard head, I get that. You are a former World Champion and I get that too… but, really, you must be a masochist on a level that I can’t even fathom if you’re going to talk your shit, if you’re willingly just digging yourself a deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and….” He takes a long breath. “Deeper hole to get yourself out of but don’t worry, I’ll be right by your side to dig that ditch deeper, I’ll be right by your side while you keep running your mouth while that ditch damn near hits China, and I’ll be right by your side when I toss your limp body into that ditch… Va’aiga, are you listening? You’re going to pay for every syllable you spew, for every gesture you make, and for even fathoming to up the ante with the Ill One. So you see what I’m saying now? I’m guessing you do… but do you get and I mean truly grasp, comprehend and get what’s coming at you at Ground Zero?” Insane Luchador stands up, lazily kicking the chair away from him, and he leans in close to the camera while chuckling. “I know that you don’t.”

Shit's going down. Seriously though, nice pomo.

That movie was so eerily dead on when it comes to the deals or just high conversations in general, although I'm not really surprised by that but the whole "persona" thing had me dying. It was one entertaining movie and I wasn't disappointed at all. Oh and I give it a few weeks before some dumbass says they actually have pineapple express.

That was thoroughly amusing, good sir.

I'm still around and I can still throw something together but it seems pretty late to be responding. I'm sorry, guys, it's mostly a full time job that I'm not used to and for a good half week or so I haven't been at the computer for a long amount of time... having said that, I'm all for puttin' it up on the line against Va'aiga or whoever. I know it's not reassuring I haven't been able to get shit together in the last two shows but this was more a string of events that were unexpected so, eh, it's all your call.

What the hell, I'll take opening promo.

I just wanted to apologize, 'pecially to JJ, about not being able to get shit done. Some unexpected, unappreciated things happened plus I started a full time job so I kind of neglected it. In compensation I'll read the show and do some running commentary so you fuckers know that at least one person reads the entire show for sure.

The first Lost at Sea match was me versus MVS.

Sweet.

Edit: I take that back, I screwed up the dates, I'll be able to get something in but if I don't (unlikely but still a possibility) then chances are I shouldn't be booked for the next show. I'll apologize ahead of time if that's the case because some shit happened that I don't feel like going into but just a heads-up.

I don't think King can ever let a grudge go either but, at the same time, he can appreciate some good heel work... although it'll always be inferior to his own (to him, at least). -- Alright, back to the show comments. S.I.N./Bruner vs TKO : Loved Warner's attempted to translate leading to the "talk to the hand." The shoulder block attempts leading to straight up tripping S.I.N. is amusing since it's one of those "why the hell don't they trip them every time yet they never do" things (a.k.a. questioning Wrestling Logic 101). I also liked the ambivalent crowd getting into the match but rooting for their favorite lesser of two evils, since usually heel vs heel is a pain in the dick to write. Another great exchange from the announcers- “S.I.N. going airborne here, perhaps taking a page out of TORU’s book,” Mak says. “Can he read Kanji?” King asks in surprise. “Don’t be a wiseass.” I liked S.I.N. talking shit while beating on TORU, mostly because it leads to TORU's response in a nice touch. “Yup, I knew that wouldn’t be good,” the Gambling Man confirms. “He calls that Anger, and it’s easy to see why.” “Do you want to tell him that the Deadly Sin is actually called Wrath?” Mak asks. “Hush, no.” That thought crossed my mind, but I wouldn't want to be the one to correct S.I.N. The home stretch was nicely done but the cheap way TKO gets the victory really sells it as a great ending to the match. Insane Luchador vs Spike Jenkins: Eh, I won't comment on it. Smith and Tod Rock Out (somewhat): Nice little exchange between the two, it helps get to know Smith and his friendship with Tod. Plus it sets up an encounter with IL later on (although that's an SWF.com exclusive that I'll shamelessly plug: read it). Star vs Annie: Two glorious words... Cat. Fight. Seriously though, this feud has been well built and the matches leading up to it have been great (especially their last one). So I couldn't help but to notice that the match's spacing (like, literally the space in-between) makes it an easier read but it still takes me a bit to get used to it. Lady Red, really? That makes sense, though, Taiga has woken up a sleeping beast and I don't know yet (since I'm typing this while also reading) if it's legit or an attempt to fuck with Taiga. Ugh, the Blood Mist really is a disgusting move (so I marked for it). Also a good use of the cage to really inflict some damage. Loved the missed Death Knell leading to a double knock out tease, it was very well written. A brutal ending to the match and borderline unfulfilling but it puts both over as some tough, tough chicks. A great main event to wrap up a pretty damn good show.

Cool, Toxx, thanks- I was mostly asking because I'm trying to word it carefully to keep it being IL coming off too heelish. And Drew, I was a consistently shitty writer when you were around but thanks to you, too. Now to finish reading the show and commenting (read: join in the fun~!)

A familiar sight is seen, one that had been previously seen only days ago, with the dimly lit room, an empty steel chair sitting in front of a camera on top of a tripod, and the otherwise shrouded in darkness room. Once again the World Champion, Insane Luchador, comes into focus with the World Title slung over his shoulder in near identical fashion to last time. However, this time he quietly sits down in the chair, staring at the camera, and can’t help but to smirk, which creates an awkward silence. Finally he’s able to collect his thoughts because he looks into the camera, bluntly saying- “Let’s skip the cordial pleasantries, Tod, okay? This is kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing and I really don’t feel like giving simple, petty threats as segue. So having said that, I have to say that I’m excited for Duck and Cover, yeah, excited. Because Tod, I have to admit that some, including myself, consider you the underdog in this one, but don’t get down on yourself… but don’t get optimistic about it either.” Luchador leans towards the camera, bringing his shoulder that holds the World Championship belt closer for a good view, and then sits back again. “See that? That is what everyone’s eyes are on, whether they admit it or not, and if you haven’t noticed, I’m World Champion. So, therefore, all eyes are on me but that’s fine, I tend to work well under pressure. You have to understand that being an underdog has huge advantages, like if the opponent underestimates you… and between you and me…” Luchador facetiously leans in close to and pats the World Title before whispering, “I won this by being constantly underestimated. Unfortunately for you, Tod, I won’t be granting you that luxury, that’s an ignorant view that can cost one dearly… ask Michael Alexander.” He stops, reflecting on what he has said, and sits back in his chair, casually stretching his arms before focusing back on the camera. “The thing is, Tod, is that I didn’t really feel closure after my message to you… there was something that has just kept nagging and nagging and nagging me. Because, here’s the thing...” “I’m not a bad person,” IL genuinely says. “I just have my own way of…” He considers the words to use. “Handling things.” “Namely, through violence amongst other things, such as… well… violence, gore, carnage, slaughtering, butchering, scarring, and so on and so on… now that doesn’t make me a bad person.” He stops as the famed psychotic smile creeps across his face. “However, it did make me World Champion.” “But here’s why I just felt the last address was incomplete because the thought of your daughter kept running through my mind… don’t worry, Tod, I would never do anything to hurt her directly. Ever. That’s one of the few promises I can make to you. Now, if I’m the catalyst for a change in her life then… well, I just don’t want to ruin her childhood because I mauled her father. Really, I don’t.” He pauses to reflect before insisting, “I don’t, Tod. But I can… and most likely, I will at Duck and Cover because it’s what I do, it’s what I have done, and it is what has gotten me the ultimate prized possession in the federation. Not bad, right? I mean, Tod, really- I’ve won six matches in a row, have you even won six matches?” He pauses and then admits, “I know, I know… my career hasn’t exactly always been so illustrious, to say the least, but to neglect the way I have torn through the federation would be a foolish mistake. It’s not a mistake I want you to make, Tod, imagine you looking into your girl’s blue, brown, hazel, green… whatever colored eyes of hers and explaining, if you’re even able to, why Daddy has changed. Why things will never, ever be the same.” “Sounds a bit harsh, doesn’t it? Well, playing nice and soft obviously isn’t what garners success in this crazy business of ours, does it? Tod, I know that you probably think I’m trying to antagonize you, get into your head, or to throw you off the game plan.” “I’m not. Honestly, I’m not. I am, however, actually doing you a tremendous favor by pointing out something that you may or may not have neglected, I wouldn’t know… but I did feel the need to do the good deed of thinking out loud for your sake. So, at Duck and Cover, if you decide not to show up then that’s fine, trust me, I won’t respect you any less. But your fans, your boss, and… your very own daughter though? Eh, it’s a toss up. But if you do show, and I expect you to, I’m expecting your absolute best because you can be damn sure that you ought to be expecting my best…” His voice trails off and he stands up before lowering to eye level with the camera with a familiar smirk, way too close towards the camera’s lens. “Oh, and Tod? In case you, or any other Doubting Thomas, out there somehow aren’t exactly sold yet- I can tell you, no, promise you, no guarantee you that these aren’t idle threats.”