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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

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How To Vibrate
 

Kerry is a fucking idiot

-To John Kerry: Godamnit. I don't care if it was a botched joke, you really fucked up. Quit being high and mighty over it ("oh, it's all part of the Republicans trying to make us look bad") and fess up. Unfortunately, this will probably fuck things up, and make it that thr Republicans are still in office (remember folks, while I may rip on the republicans and tend to lean left, I'm still not a Democrat), so fuck you John Kerry, and thanks for nothing.   -Leena's getting shitloads of attention in the Chocolate Socket (I really think we need to change the name), and getting in arguments. Also, snuffbox insulted me (which I find amusing), and Cheesala congradulated me (whcih creeps me out). Anywho, I wonder how much longer this will go on.   -I've got another exam in a week, and one more in two weeks, so wish me luck bastards.   -I can't wait for the elections to end, mostly because I'm tired of seeing attack ads every time I watch TV.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Halloween TV

Well, it's about Halloween. Here's a list of what I've watched the last few days:   -"Masters of Horror"-Season premier was on last Friday. It was good, but not great. The ending was unsatisfactory, thoughg it still wasn't bad. Some nice gore in it though.   -"Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes"-This one was on last Saturday at 9:00 PM. Man, not even Doug "Pinhead" Bradley or Lance Hendrikson could save this shitty sequal. Granted, it was better than part II, (Which had Roger Clinton in a cameo, who also sings the title song. No, I'm not making this up) but it was still lacking. Also, the dubbed in Southern accents were laughable at best.   -"30 Even Scarier Movie Moments"-I caught the 3 AM showing. Weak compared to the previous "100 Scariest Movie Moments." Come on, I enjoyed "Hostel", but it didn't deserve to be #1. Also, "The Grudge"? Come on! At least "Wolf Creak" and "The Devils Rejects" made the list.   -"Exorcist II" Man, what a shitty movie. Granted, it has a reputation for being shitty, but still, its a really bad movie. Actually, I kind of flipped between this and Adult Swim. It has a great score by Ennio Moricone, but that's the only good thing about it.   -"Aqua Teen Hunger Force"-Yep, there's new episodes. Better than last weeks, especially since it was a Carl centered episode, and he's my favorite character.   -The Weather Channel-I only turn to this in the morning to see what the weather will be like later on.   So yeah, I liked ATHF and MOH, and not much else.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Be Aggressive

-Back from my test. Don't know how I did, but I hope I did good.   -Rush Limbaugh recently attacked Michael J Fox for supporting a Democratic candidate, and said that he's probably faking his Parkinsons. For fucks sake, this is pathetic. Look, I usually understand it when people get annoyed by celebrities getting behind politicians, but that's just sick Limbaugh. Of course, it doesn't come to any suprise to me. I just hope I don't end up getting a verbal lashing from kkktookmybabyaway. Normally I'm up for it, but I don't want to hear it right now.   -Just a reminder: Season 2 of Masters of Horror begins Friday at 10:00 PM on Showtime. The premier episode is called "The Damned Thing", and is directed by Tobe ("Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1 & 2", "Poltergeist", "Lifeforce", The better than the original remake of "Toolbox Murders") Hooper.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Shadrack

-Well, things aren't too sunny in my life right now. I've got a test on Wednesday, and I'm scared as hell. Also, it's freezing cold here in Dayton, and I've got a headache.   -It's seems like Cronoyasha was banned again after a day or two of being unbanned. Also, this amuses me, but it seems like wildpegasus keeps coming back under different pseudonyms, only to have his ass banned each time. I have two theories on this: either 1.) He knows he won't be unbanned, and he's just fucking with us, or 2.) He really thinks he'll be allowed back again. Either way, he's getting what he wants: attention. He gets attention even when he's banned. Even MikeSC and CronoT never got this kind of attention.   -Finally, I reccomend the movie "Feast." It was out in September in a limited midnight show relase, and is now on DVD. It's no classic, but it's a hell of a lot of fun, and pretty damn gory to boot.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Inuyasha aka CronoT aka Cronoyasha is back.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...     ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...   ...Ok, I'm done. Wait a minute...   ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Now I'm done.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Make way for Homo Superior

-I did alright on my quiz today. Meaning I got a C. At least I passed   -A 14 year old girl was recently questioned by the FBI over threats she made about Bush on her Myspace. My thoughts: It's not like any of the threats would have happened. She's just a 14 year old idiot who gets her shitty opinions from shitty bands like Green Day. Besides, there are jackoffs on Democratic Underground and Free Republic who are older than her, and much more serious when they talk about killing political figures, and are probably more likely to try that kind of thing than a stupid 14 year old girl, yet I don't see the FBI going after them. I still hate kids today though...   -The season finale of "The Venture Brothers" was on last night, and it was awesome. Also, the title of this entry is a quote from that episode.   -I've been watching "Studio 60" as of late, and to be honest, I don't think it's all that good. Then again, it's from the creator of the overrated "Sports Night", so there you go. It has a great cast though.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Starring Nathan Wind as Cochese

-If you didn't see Pat Buchanan on TV talking about Mark Foley recently, then you missed a hilarious treat. Here, he repeatedly called Foley "That Flamer." Funniest thing I've seen in ages.   -To David Cross: I think you're a funny guy, but 1.) Come on, picking on Jim Belushi and LArry the Cable Guy? Come on, I know they suck, but they're such easy targets. Oh, and 2.) Your mew Comedy central Cartoon "Freak Show" isn't very good.   -JustPassinBy was banned. Here's a guy who was a treasure trove. A guy who unlike guys like Rant, wan't joking when he said he hated black people and gay people. Oh, and he asked "What's wrong with Sean Hannity" without being sarcastic.   -The "Scream Awards", which honered everything geeks love (comics, sci fi, and horror) was on last Tuesday. It was a great idea, but disappointed me in execution. Seems like the "Fangoria Chainsaw Awards" will do the same as well.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

The Saw is Family

-Well, I didn't do good on the exam today. Fortunately, there is a quiz next week, and for some reason, I'm having good feelings about it. Also, there's a good chance for extra credit points, so hey, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.   -Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 comes to DVD in a special edition tomorrow. Can't wait, as I love that movie. Speaking of Texas Chainsaw, anyone here seen the new one that's a prequal of the remake? I was going to, but I was bogged down with homework, and I heard it's not that good.   -Fear Dot Com was on TV last night. Horrible movie (one of the worst I've ever seen), but damn, it's got some nice visuals. Too bad the rest of it sucks.   -Venture Brothers was great as usual last night. I love that the Henchmen are only able to capture the Venture family when they are incredibly shitfaced. For God's sake people, watch the fucking show.   Well,gotta go and do homework.  
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Funny/Not Funny

-Funny: Last nights episode of South Park. I never played an MMORPG or whatever those things are called, but last nights episode was great. Also, it made fun of idiots who use phrases like "noob" and "pwned". I know I'll sound like an old man, but come on people, speak fucking english   -Not Funny: Freakshow. I really wanted to like this show, and while there were some amusing aspects, it just didn't work. A shame really, since it's from David Cross.   -Funny: The whole Mark Foley scandel. Now they are blaming alchoholism for his kiddie lust. I've been drunk before, and never once did I want to fuck a kid.   -Not Funny: Last Monday's edition of Raw. The Return of DX was annoying to begin with, but now it's just pathetic.   -Funny: "My Name Is Earl" and "The Office." Great stuff. Can't wait for tonight's episodes. Oh, Rain Wilson and Ethan Suplee rule.   -Not Funny: Last Sunday's SNL. While I'm glad Sanz is finally gone, why did Parnell have to leave? He was one of the good ones. Oh, and Dane Cook really sucks.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Mark Foley: Professional Pedophile

-It seems like Republican senator Mark Foley is a pedophile. First things first: when's kkktookmybabyaway going to call me a liberal terrorist for thinking he's a sicko? Also, I originally read it as Mick Foley, so I'm actually glad it's not Mick. Which reminds me: I'm suprised Vince hasn't created a pedophile gimmick. Granted, there's noted pedophiles working for him (Lawler), but I'm still suprised. You'd think after sex with transexuals and necrophillia, pedophillia would be next.   -Meijers sucks. All I wanted was two DVD's, and they didn't have them. So I asked if I can order them. They won't let me do that. What kind of fucking store doesn't let you order DVD's? Most of the other stores I go to let you order things, yet this one won't. Oh, and Best Buy didn't have them either (which suprised me), so I'm going to have to wait.   -I'm not going to be able to see "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" on Friday, since I'm knee deep in homework. That's college for ya.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

gary floyd vs. Hugo Chavez, and more

-I have a feeling I probably did better on my test yesterday than I did on Monday. So you don't need to worry about me.   -My neighbors upstairs are making a racket again. I'm telling the CA tomorrow.   -Bill Clinton wentr off on some guy on Fox News. Now, I know kkktookmybabyaway will disagree with me on this, but I don't blame the guy. If I were on Fox News, I would have lost it too.   -Also, Hugo Chavez, who's probably a hero to CheesalaIsGood, called Bush the devil. My thoughts: You know hippies, just because he ripped on Bush does not make him a hero. I rip on Bush, and I'm not a hero because of that. Where's my high-five from Danny Glover? Hell, Jon Stewart seems to hate the guy, so of course, obnoxious Che Guvera shirt wearers turn on him when he does so.   Oh, and Venezuala ain't all that great. Hell, just be glad you can rip on Bush without being arrested here. If you rip on Hugo in Venezuala, you get sent to jail. Yeah, he's a real fucking hero, isn't he you socialist wannabes.   There, I'm done ranting.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Yeah...

-Well, I haven't posted much on TSM lately, mostly because I've been studying for tests. I took one today, and didn't do good. I have another one on Wednesday, and it's an essay test. So things are pretty shitty in Floydland right about now. At least my neighbors are starting to quiet down a bit.   -Here's a video of Uwe Boll beating up one of his online critics, Lowtax of "Something Awful." Yeah, beating up a dork from the net because he thinks your movies suck (and they do) is really impressive.   -I wan't online much this weekend, but it seems like wildpegasus was unbanned, and then banned again. Well, only on the internet.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Down In The Park

-Well, it seems like Muslims are angry at the Pope for his recent quoting of an old text condemning Islam. I can understand their anger, and I do think that the Pope owes them a better apology besides a simple half-assed "I'm Sorry." That out of the way, they don't need to go around killing nuns and burning churches. Come on, leave that to the retarded Black Metal fans in Norway. Yeah, that was a rip on Black Metal.   -Bush talked to the UN today. I didn't see it (I was in class), so I have nothing to say about it.   -I miss Trish Stratus already.   -Neighbors upstairs are still making a recket at night. They are about on thin ice with me.   -Marvin left the boards. I never payed too much attention to him, but I guess he was alright.   -Oh, and this entry is named after a Gary Numan Song.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

The end of wildpegasus

September 14th, 2006: The Day wildpegasus was banned.   I've been posting on these boards for two years now. For a while, I didn't pay any attention to WP. Sure, there was the now legendary Astro Boy thread, but that was it.   Then, sometime this year (I think it was summer, I don't really remember), it finally happened: the man pissed me off.   It was in the CE folder, on a thread about the conspiracy theory disguised as a documentary "Loose Change". Firt of all, if you really think that everything in "Loose Change" is true, then you are an idiot. So of course, WP mentioned the fireman saying "it sounded like bombs" (though that's not the entire sentence that the fireman said), and basically acted a fool. I told him that he was an idiot, and I dared him to say such things in front of somebody who lost their loved ones on 9/11.   After that, I decided to look more into WP, and found out his sordid history: The fact that he's 29, a virgin, and still lives with his parents. Then there's the aftermentioned Astro Boy thread, which in itself is a homage to self pity and loneliness that beats out every other bit of loneliness and self pity I have seen on the net. Then there's the fact that he pissed everybody off. Oh, and his posts in the LSD folder are the stuff of great comedy.   Then, there's the benchpress story, in which he claimed to have achieved orgasm through exercise techniques, and that "there was no hip movement." He also called Czech "kid" at one point (Czech is 10 or 11 years WP's junior, and he's no where near as pathetic.) and started bugging me as well, at a few points calling me "girlfriend", even though I'm a 23 year old guy who's a college senior. He even supposidly created a gimmick account to defend himself.   Now he's been banned.   I'm actually suprised. People kept calling for WP to be banned, but the requests fell on deaf ears for a while. Now he's gone. To be honest, I kind of miss him, simply because well, who am I going to make fun of now?   Let's face it folks, making fun of WP was fun. Sure, he was a serious jackass, but he was an amusing one due to the sheer level of his being a loser. I actually don't think he was a gimmick, and that he really was that pathetic. Also, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't amused by the way he pissed everyone off so much.Sure, he was a slimey, pathetic, shameless, loser. But damnit, he was our slimey, pathetic, shameless loser.   That out of the way, I'm also kind of glad he's gone. His posts sometimes reached levels of depressing in how sad and worthless they were, and the way he is, and always will be.   so, RIP WP. Oh, and good riddence.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Fucking neighbors

-Well, the last two nights have sucked. Two nights ago, idiots outside kept me awake. Last night, I was asleep...until 4:26 AM, when the person who lives right above me felt the need not only to talk really load with friends, but also blare music. Even ear plugs couldn't block the noise out. Can't a guy get some fucking sleep? I know, it's college, but come on, I have classes in the fucking morning. Keep it down for God's sake   -Pope Benedict is still behing the times, currently denouncing science. You know, when John Paul was Pope, science was actually embraced sometimes. Bet you didn't know that.   -I didn't see the ABC docudrama on 9/11. It pissed off some democracts, claiming it had some of it's facts wrong. Again, I wouldn't know, because I skipped it.   -I also skipped the season premire of "Family Guy", though you probably know that I've grown tired of it. I did catch "American Dad" however, though it was disappointing.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

The Rover

-In case you didn't read this thread, I was coming home from class today, when these three guys offered me free bread and cream corn. I don't like cream corn, but I like bread, so I said why not. Well, it turns out that it was free if you visited Tom Green's website, so I didn't get a thing, except cream corn on my hand. So in other words, fuck Tom Green.   -CronoT 2.0 (Inuyasha) was banned, and I say good riddence. He'll be back, but for now, thank God he's gone.   -Congrats to alfdog and Agent of Oblivion for their new moderator gig. Maybe EHME and WP will be banned soon. Until then, let's keep our fingers crossed.   -I saw Katie Couric's CBS evening news debut. It was pretty lackluster, but Morgan Spurlock's appearence was great.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Psychic Warfare

I have no idea why this entry is called "psychic warfare" either folks.   -Well, it's back to the old grind for me tomorrow, because that's when classes start. I'm ready though, though I'll most likely be pretty busy. Also, I have roomate named Cameron, who's a pretty nice guy, which is good, since I was worried I'd get a complete asshole as a roomate.   -Happy Arbour day.   -Steve Irwin died. You know, I always thought that he'd die in a non-animal related accident, though the fact that he was killed by an animal doesn't suprise me in the least. The guy was an idiot, but he was a lovable one, and I always strangely admired how he straddled the line between bravery and stupidity with his antics. So RIP Steve.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

lovecraft231 is dead

-Yep, I got a name change. Why? Because let's face it, lovecraft231 is a shitty name. Besides, gary floyd is much better. It's what makes pussy so great. It's the reason Arnold did "Commando". It's what everyone needs, and you can never have too much of it. Actually, it's the name of a Butthole Surfers song, and it never did any of those things.   -It's been a year since Katrina. What have I learned? Well, I learned that Kanye West hates Bush. I also learned more about the sheer incompetence of the current administration. Oh, and all hail Chocolate City, and it's Vanilla Suburbs.   -I'm tired of hearing about John Mark Karr. I was actually glad to hear about Tom Cruise, that's how tired I am of seeing Karr.   -wildpegasus is continuing to tard up NHB, and for some reason, I love it. I mean, it's incredibly annoying, but it's also incredibly hilarious. I think it's just the sheer pathetic aura of the man, as well as the reactions he's getting from others. Oh, and according to him, their was no hip movement.   -Check out Weird Al's Myspace to hear "Don't Download This Song". It's hilarious.   -Oblivious Heel was banned. Thank God   -Finally, thank you to KingPK, for having my name changed.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

6
How To Vibrate
 

A review of "The Bighead"

Sick. Perverted. Pornographic. Politically Incorrect. Darkly Comic. Scatalogical. Tasteless. Blasphemous. Disgusting. Evil. These are just some of the words that could describe Edward Lee's book "The Bighead"   First, a little background info on the man himself. Ed Lee is one of the most hardcore horror authors out there. Sure, he has written mainstram fare, a childrens book, and is a hell of a pulp horror writer (see "Creekers" and "Coven" for examples). However, it's works like "Goon", "The Pig", Ever Nat", and other small publisher books that have gained him notority. It's easy to see why, also. The are violent, repugnant, pornographic, and warped tales of grotesque erotic horror, laced in pitch black horror. Out of all his works though, his most well known is "The Bighead"   The Bighead tells the tale of Luntville, and two city girls: Charity and Jerrica, visiting Charity's aunt. While Charity is having problems finding the right man, Jerrica is a sex addict, who has taken a liking to a foul mouthed priest in Father Thomas, who is being haunted in his dreams by two nuns from hell, who have some stomach churning fetishes. Oh, and there are two sick rednecks, Travis and Dicky, who will rape and kill anyone in their path. Let's just say that these guys and the nuns give the book "American Psycho" a run for it's money in the torture and rape department.   Oh, and there is the legend of The Bighead. Who is the Bighead? Why, he's a seven foot something inches tall homocidal pervert with a hydrophalic (giant head filled with water) and a fourteen inch long cock, who loves rape, murder, and brain eating. And it seems Charity's Aunt Annie knows a bit too much about him...   Before you think of reading this, I might want to warn you: this book is sick. There's rape, murder, cannibalism, loads of sex, scatology, watersports, urinary catherization, sacriligious behaviour, abortion, babies having their heads smashed in, and more. This stuff makes "Jackass" look like the Teletubbies. If you think nothing can gross you out, then this will prove you wrong.   But is it a good?   Well yes, it is. For all the disgusting moments and general sickness on display, this book works. This is mainly due to it's warped sense of humor. One way to look at it is a horror answer to "The Aristocrats", in the fact that it constantly one ups itself with sick moments.   Also, the characters are interesting. The reader goes on to feel bad for Father Thomas, who only wants to do the right thing, as well as Jerrica. The other great thing is the redneck stereotypes, ranging from Travis (who outdoes the sickos from "Deliverence"), Dicky, and even handyman Goop Gooder. Over the top redneck dialogue, booger pickeng, and a general lack of "edu-ma-cation" makes for a good laugh.   There are a few problems. In particular, how have Dicky and Travis been able to get away with their rape and murder spree for so long? Oh, and the ending, when you find out Bighead's origins, will either disappoint you, or you will have no problem with it.   In the end, "Bighead" is a sick, demented ride of pornographic, scatalogical, and sadistic horrors that will either have you disgusted, or laughing your ass off. I ended up doing both.   8.5/10   You can get it here.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Here's your ticket to come and get wicked

-It seems like a woman was fired from her job as a sunday school teacher in New York because she's a woman. Read the story here. And people wonder why I became a deist.   -I just saw Dante Tomaselli's new movie "Satan's Playground". Avoid it. I wrote a review for it on the Internet Movie Database, and it should be up soon.   -Salon is retarded. According to them, "24" needs to stop. Well gee, I'm sorry that it didn't have enough about why Bush is a horrible president, you stupid fucks. Read it here. At least they ripped on Nancy Grace.   -Geraldo has a problem with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Seriously, has anybody ever taken Geraldo fucking seriously. The guy is a gigantic dick, and is only good for the unintentional humor he provides.   -I went to the mall again last Thursday. Why? Because I needed some new t-shirts. I didn't find any that were good unfortunately, though Spencers at least plays better music than Hot Topic. I do find it amusing, that so many kids sepend so much money on anti-Bush t-shirts, when they have no idea they are falling into the hands of the same corperations they so lovingly rail against.   That's all for now. Next time: A review of Edward Lee's book "The Bighead"
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Reasons the Venture Brothers rules

If you ask me, "The Venture Brothers" is the best thing on Adult Swim right now. Here is why:   -It's from two guys who worked on The Tick. Remeber that awesome cartoon?   -JG "Foetus" Thirwell does the shows music. And he does a hell of a job.   -The best characterization and continuity on a comedy show since "Arrested Developement"   -Brock Sampson is the biggest badass in cartoon history   -Dr. Venture is such an asshole (he even used an orphans heart to operate a machine), and you can't hate him. In fact, you can't hate any of the characters   -Hank's obsession with Batman   -Dean's schoolboy crush on Trianna. You just have to like Dean. Plus, I think she's starting to like him back   -Dr. Orpheus. Everything he says is hilarious. Plus, he's a wonderful parody of Vincent Price   -The constant Pop Culture references, ie William Burroghs, Hunter S. Thompson, Star Wars, and even H.P. Lovecraft get nods   -The Monarch   -The Monarch's henchmen   -Girl Hitler   -The fact that most of the villans have grudges against Dr. Venture because he is such a prick   -The most quotable thing on TV right now. Plus, the quotes and one liners never get old   -The fact that Brock, Dr Girlfriend, and Phantom Limb are the smartest people on the show   -Dr Girlfriend's voice, and the fact that she's able to put up with complete losers. I'm suprised she actually has had sex with Monarch   -Brock thinking Dr Girlfriend was once a man. I've thought the same thing   -Brock's sadomasochistic relationship with Moltov Cocktease   -Hank's creepy crush on Moltov Cocktease   -Monarch's henchmen singing "Mars, Bringer of War"   -Brock, naked and covered in Blood, singing Technotronic as a man's last request   -Dean's testicle problems. The poor kid gets the most abuse, and it's hilarious   -The villains various origins.   -Stephen Colbert has been on the show   -"IGNORE ME!"   -Brock telling Hank it's like he channels dead people   -The best realization that laughing at fucked up people and their problems is great since "Arrested Developement"
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

Stabbed in the crotch

-I was going to do a look at the movies of Dario Argento, but since nobody here unfortunately knows who that is, I decided not to. I will do a review of the book "The Bighead" next week.   -I will be seeing "Snakes on a Plane" tonight. Hopefully, I'll stop hearing about it soon, as it's not funny anymore.   -NHB needs fixed. Ban EHME, WP, and Cronoyasha for starts. Oh, and quit posting racist gag pictures already. Not even a highschool kid would find it funny. In other words: It's not funny, it's not offensive, it's just lame.   -The Venture Brothers is the best show on Adult Swim right now. I'll do a "reasons the Venture Brothers kicks ass" entry soon.   -Also, starting in September, I'll be doing a list of the manliest movies ever made. Unfortunately, only two Arnold movies will be on it.   -This is stupid folks, as well as overused.   -Book recommendation: The Conqueror Worms by Brian Keane. Great post apocalyptic sci-fi horror.   That's all for now. Next time: Why the Venture Brothers rules.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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How To Vibrate
 

On Lieberman, and other things

-In case you've been living under a rock for the past week and a half, Joe "I look just like Max Wright from Alf" Lieberman got his ass handed to him by Lamont. While some in the media talked about his pro-war stance, let's not forget that   -He loves censorship. Really, he's one of the reasons we have ratings on video games now. -He's not a big fan of Clinton -He looks like Droopy Dog   While I have no sympathy for the guy, I find it funny that it seems like the only position the Democrats can seem to agree on any more is Anti-War. We have yet to see most of them make a stand or stance on just about anything at this point.   Also, Ted Kennedy recently attacked Cheney for his comments on Lamont. While I'm all for ripping on Gargoyle, I don't think that Kennedy is the best choice to criticize.   -No, I'm not going to remind folks to see "The Descent", because I'm sure that some of you folks have already seen it. For those who did: I told you that it's great.   -It seems like there is an upcoming settlement between Isreal and Hezbollah. Well folks, it isn't going to last long. Hezbollah will just attack again in the future, and the U.N. and the governments of the world will continue to wonder why there is so much conflict. Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's just common sense, but there has always been conflict in the Middle East, and there will always be. Me, I have no idea how to fix things. Hell, I don't think things ever will be fixed. Some might call that negative thinking, I call it the truth.   That's all for now. Next time: A look at the movies of Dario Argento.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Things everybody should like

There are things I like that's not exactly everybody's cup of tea. Well, they should be, because these things are awesome. These are things I think everybody should like.   -French Pop Music from the 60's nd early 70's. Come on, listen to some Bridgette Bardot and Froncois Hardy, because it's some really good stuff. I know, it's French, so you folks probably think that it sucks. I say give it a chance.   -Synth Pop. Face it fuckers, synth pop rules. Listen to more New Order (well, old New Order), Depeche Mode, and Gary Numan. I'll take that over a lot of whatever is popular with you hipster douchebags.   -Squidbillies. Some hate it, but I love it. Granted, the first episode sucks, but it really picks up from there. Just thank White Jesus that new episodes are coming later in the months ahead.   -The Descent. I'm just mentioning this to reming you folks to see this movie right fucking now. It's the scariest movie you will see this year.   -David Letterman. I love Conan and all, but Letterman will always be my favorite. I was a fan of the guy since my teens, and I am still a fan of his. Hell, I will always be a fan.   -Post punk. You know, like Joy Division, The Contortions, Public Image Limited, etc. Much better than punk if you ask me.   -Bart The General. I posted this yesterday, and it will either make you want to kill yourself, or declare that it's the best thing ever made. If it's the former, then I take no responsibilities on your choices.   -Electro-Funk. You know, like Man Parrish, Afrika Bambaataa, Newcleus, etc. This stuff always seems to get overlooked amongst the other hip hop fans, which is a shame.   -Post Rock. Yeah, it's pretentious as hell, but it's great, and makes for an excellent post apocalyptic soundtrack.   -Potato chips and bananas. Eat some chips, then eat a banana. It's fucking bliss.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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