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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

Entries in this blog

How To Vibrate
 

A trip to Wal-Mart

Note: if you are expecting a "Walmart is the scorn of America because it's an evil corperation and it ruins smaller ones" rant, then this is not the entry for you. Otherwise, enjoy   I went to Walmart last Tuesday. Normally, I only go there to get food, but other than that, I usually don't go there. Not because they"are trying to destroy the world" as some would want you to believe, but because other than the low prices, they just don't interest me. Oh, and because of the customers and workers.   Anywho, I decided that I need a new pair of headphones, so I asked where they are located. The girl I asked in the electronics looked at me for about fifteen seconds like I was an idiot. Now maybe I should have known where they were, but that's beyond the point. As I already said, I normally don't go to Walmart, so how the hell should I know where the headphones are in the electronics section? She eventually helped me, but still looked at me like I was retarded.   The people at the cash register aren't any better. They were either a.) old people who should be retired already or b.) lazy teenagers who have no clue how their jo works. I ended up getting the teen. It was some fat chick, who always seemed pissed off and was also rude, though not as bad as the girl that I mentioned earlier. Oh, and she was also fat. What is it about Walmart that seems to attract fat people?   Oh, and there is a reason that this place is called "white trash capital of the world": because it is dangerously filled with white trash. You know, unwashed, tattooed guys with horrendous mullets, and mothers who hit their children in public. Oh, and ladies, leave that shit at home. Hell, leave your kids at home. I don't need to hear you yelling at them and smacking them around in public. That's just disturbing.   So, what did I learn from all of this? I learned that next time I need headphones, I'll go to Radio Shack.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

The Madcap Laughs

This entry is dedicated to late Pink Floyd founder Syd Barrett, who died last week. RIP Syd, you will always be missed.   Syd Barrett 1946-2006 RIP   And now, onto other things   -I got Edward Lee's "The Bighead" last Saturday, and so far, it's great, and really disgusting. So far, it has consumption of shit, piss, rape, inbred rednecks, a profane priest, a nymphomaniac, cannibalism, hardcore sex, a disgusting bit with a colostomy bag, murder, a newborn baby having it's head bashed in, a pair of evil perverted nuns from hell, and more. And I'm not even half way done. I'll get to a review of it when I'm done, though at this point, it looks like a review of Joe Lansdales zombie western "Dead in the West" won't be for a long while.   -I got Thom Yorke's "The Eraser" Yesterday, and it's great. A lot of glitchy techno, with gutiar and bass only appearing (seperatly) on two tracks. Felonies said it reminded him of recent Radiohead b-sides, and I agree-and think that it's a good thing. I dig glitchy, weirds techno.   -There's problems right now between Isreal and Hizbollah. Well, what's new? I'm sorry, but there's always been problems in the Middle East. There have been problems in the Middle East for God knows how long. So, what do I think? Well, we can't settle it with war, because we can't get in another war. At the same time though, we can't solve this diplomatically, because as the past has proven, there is no real diplomatic solution right now, or possibly even in the future.   -"Little Man" is the number 2 movie in America right now, and proves once again that the majority of movie goers today are idiots.   -"The Venture Brothers" and "Tom Goes To The Mayor" continue to kick ass on Adult Swim. That is all.   That's all for now. Next time: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

Adventures in the Mall

Well, I went to the Mall, as well as Best Buy yesterday. Best Buy was alright, though I got the new Peeping Tom Album, as well as the Beavis and BUTT-head Experience, and "Paid in Full" by Erik B. and Rakim.   Anyways, on to the mall.   I never really was a big fan of the mall. Too many goths and punk rock kids hang out there. I do like the memories of "Dawn of the Dead" that they invoke though.   I saw a group of Juggalos, aka Insane Clown Posse fans. Suprisingly, none of them were fat. They were being harrassed by mall security, most likely because the immense odor of their unbathed bodies was most likely causing mass illness, as well as making babies cry. I can't believe that there are still Juggalos. It's like the KISS Army, only more retarded. It's the lowest rung on the music fan ladder.   I went to the Suncoast store, and got a 6 DVD box set of zombie movies for $34.99 (that's a deal). I ended up watching one of them instead of Raw last night. While I was there, I saw a disturbing amount of Anime merchandise. I will admit, there are anime titles I like, but most of it's fans really embarrass me. It's sad that I can't wear my Cowboy Bebop shirt these days without getting funny looks, or having anime geeks flock around me. I did chat with a hot girl who liked anime though. She ended up leaving when I said I'm a huge horror geek. Oh well. Also, I got a kick ass Hong Kong Fooey t-shirt.   I went to Hot Topic, but only for a cool Adult Swim shirt. It's probably the worst place in the mall, playing shitty EBM and metal. Christ, I hate Cradle of Filth. Also, it was full of obnoxious goths (sadly, no hot goth chicks). Worst of all, there were no cool Adult Swim shirts, though there were plenty of Pirates of the Carrbiean shirts, and tons of Corpse Bride appearal, and other lame movie shirts. no horror movie shirts though. Oh, and the Juggalos that I mentioned earlier were there. There were loud and yes, they smelled horrible. Even the goths looked at them like "What a bunch of fags."   I left that shithole, and headed to FYE. I was only there for about 5 minutes though, because it was way too expensive (as usual). I'm not going to pay $19.99 for a CD.   And that was my adventure at the mall.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

I'm a Fister

Recently on a radio show interview, Anne Coulter attacked liberals, and for some reason, mentioned anal sex and fisting. Well, in honor of that. here's a song just for you folks   I fist the old brown eye and I'm proud I use to feel alone in a crowd But now you look around these days And it seems theres anal fisting CRAZE I'm a fister he's a fister she's a fister we're fister Wouldn't you like to be a fister too? I'm a fisterer he's a fister she's a fister If you aim for the stink wrinkle you're a fister too! Us fisters are an interesting breed A good old stinkhole is all we need Ask any fister and they'll say "only fisting feels that way" I'm a fister he's a fister she's a fister we're a fister wouldn't you like to be a fister too? I'm a fisterer he's a fister she's a fister we're a fister wouldn't you like to be a fister too?
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Happy 4th of...Oh wait, never mind

-Well, it seems like Ken Lay kicked the bucket. Disappointed that he died, because I was hoping he would be embarressed and scorned by the public for a while longer. It's times like this that I almost miss MikeSC, because of how he would try to spin this and somehow blame liberals on the worlds ills. Oh well   -North Korea launched some missles, that landed in the oceans of Japan, Fortunately, Godzilla (or any other monster) hasn't been awakened..yet.   -My summer job working on computers is doing ok. It's not exciting, but it's not soul crushing levels of boring.   -RVD and Sabu got busted with pot. This just sounds like a stoner comedy.   -The new ECW sucks, though you probably already read that in the WWE folder.   -"Superman Returns" is pretty good. I'd rate it behind "Batman Begins" though. Also, I've been shouting out WRONG ever since I saw it.   -I'm starting to think that Leena isn't really a Randy Orton fan, but instead just acting like she is just to annoy people.   that's all for now. Next time: whatever
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

6
How To Vibrate
 

Part two of the worst feuds in wrestling history

DDP vs. Evad-You see, Paige cheated to win some cash, or whatever (it's been a long time, so i don't really remember everything), and Kevin Sullivan's lovable (re. annoying) brother falls for Kimberly. Or something like that. All in all, a bad imitation of the Savage vs. Steele feud.   HHH vs. Kane -aka "Kane fucked Katie". One of the most tasteless moments in wrestling history, and not in a fun trashy way. I mean the kind of tasteless that makes you hate yourself for watching it.   Ed Ferrera vs. Medusa-You know, people may complain that the current cruiserweight division in WWE is a joke, but compared to WCW during the Russo years, it's the Super J Cup . Add to the fact that it all had a non-wrestler who's also a booker putting himself over and winning a belt that once gave us some awesome matches, and you get this shitstain in the history of wrestling.   Stone Cold vs. Vince for Jim Ross's job-Pointless bullshit that at least gave us the return of Joey Styles. The feud itself, though short, gave us moments (particularly "Vince pull's things out of "J.R.'s ass") that were almost Katie Vick levels of bad. In the end though, Ross is back, and I'm still hoping for the day when Lawler is caught fucking a 14 year old girl, causing him to be fired.   Jake Roberts vs. Rick Martel-Included thanks to the suggestion from Culloden Hastings.   And that's all the feuds. Next time: unpopualr and popular opinions.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Worst Feuds in Wrestling History, pt. 1

WWE vs. The Invasion-There's a lot of things that went wrong with this one, but for me the worst things about it were all involving Vince. It was pretty much Vince living out his victim fantasies and feeding his ego in front of the world, because you know there were times Vince thought that WCW and maybe even ECW only existed to ruin him. Plus, it tried (and of course, failed) to make Vince sympathetic, which, when you remember his Mr. McMahon character, plus macking on younger women, and many other things, that it's impossible to sympathize with both the character and the man himself.   No Limit Soldiers vs. West Texas Rednecks-This shows you how clueless WCW really was when it came to what the fans wanted in it's late days. What blows me away is that WCW really thought people still gave a shit about Master P, and that his brother or whatever was really worth signing as a wrestler.   Hogan vs. Warrior, feud #2-The Warrior in the mirror that Bischoff can't see, the homoerotic bits with Ed Leslie, Long winded promos, and one of the worst matches in Hogan's career. There really isn't anything else that can be said.   Marc Mero vs. Sable-The feud that pretty much destroyed Mero's career, and features one of my least favorite divas of all time. Say what you will about Torrie Wilson, but she's Malenko in the ring copared to the former Mrs. Mero.   ECW vs. The Network-If you ask me, one of the main reasons bringing back ECW is a bad idea is because in it's last years, it's best years (95-97) were obviously behind them. This feud IMO, is the real beginning of the end. At least Cyrus was entertaining on the mic.   Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels-A feud with no real explanation. Why was it that Vince wanted Shawn to go back to his old ways? Why do we suddenly need the kiss my ass club to return? Why are we watching this bullshit?   Triple H vs. Chris Jericho-This one pretty much destroyed Jericho's credibility, and gave birth to my annoyance of Trips. (I never really hated him.)   More to come. Also, I'll take anyones suggestions.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Bad Chuck-E-Cheese Memories

When I was a kid of 4-5 years of age, I remember my mom taking me to Chuck-E-Cheese. To say it was a good experience would be a big lie.   I can't believe I still remember this, but here it goes.   I remember that all of the kids were real fucking brats. I mand real brats. The kind of brats who treat all the other kids like shit, scream for God knows what reason, and basically were little worthless bastards. Also, the Animatronic Animals creeped me out as a kid. The things sang with no melody or rhythm, and even looked creepy. I don't care who you are, but if you see a robotic rat singing to you with it's friends, then you are going to be creeped out. Oh, and the games were shit. And don't get me started with the pizza. The worst pizza on Earthy is sold at Chuck-E-Cheese.   Anyways, after that experience, I thought I would never go there again. Think again.   On one of my brother's birthdays in the mid 90's, he wanted to go to Chuck-E-Cheese. I sucked it in and decided to go, thinking "hey, how could it be?" Well, pretty bad.   The pizza was still bad. The games still sucked. The kids were still brats. The worst thing though, was the 17-30 year old guys whyo would go there. These guys didn't come with their families. Oh no, they came with their friends, or usually, by themselves.   I remember playing "Primal Rage" (hell yes), and when I was done, a little kid (about at least 7 years of age) competed with a guy who was in his 20's. The guy in his 20's won, and to make matters worse for the kid, rubbed it in the little guys face.   That's right, these guys went to Chuck-E-Cheese to beat kids at video games so they could feel better about themselves.   How pathetic do you have to be to go to a place for kids 5-10 years of age, just so you can beat those at video games and gloat about it? Answer: Really pathetic. I mean spanking it to furry porn in your mother's basement in your 20's pathetic. The kind of pathetic reserved for would be child molestors with three inch dicks.   The moral of this story? If I ever get married and have kids, I will never go to Chuck-E-Cheese. Never again.   I hate that place.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

I Love "Ewe"

-Well, things are alright. I got a job volunteering at a computer workplace. Work starts next week.   -Henry Rollins has a new show on the IFC channel. It's pretty damn boring, and mostly just him ranting and interviewing people (He's not a very good interviewer). Personally, I don't know what CheesaaisGood see's in him. Plus, I hear he's a major asshole in reality.   At least his "Letter to Ann Coulter" was amusing, mostly because I hate that fucking bitch.   -Speaking of Ann Coulter, sooner or later, I think people are just going to get tired of her. You can only say so many stupid things before people finally just grow bored with you, and she'll become irrelevent eventually.   -It seems like Carnival and Leena have quit posting. While I really don't miss Leena (she eventually just got boring), I do miss Carnival. He was one of my favorite posters.   Well, that's all for now. Next time: Bad Chuck-E-Cheese memories.  
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Fart of Fury

-Well, I moved out of my dorm yesterday, and I'm currently looking for a job to take for the summer. So far, I'm looking at either computer work, the local newspaper, or the library.   -It seems like they killed Al-Zarqawi. Good to know. Now my dream of America battling former terrorists turned into flesh eating zombies comes closer everyday.   -Hotbutter Spoonwhatever: You better start spazzing out again, because I'm fucking bored right now.   -Why am I seeing Anderson Cooper everywhere all the sudden? He's like the new Nick Lachey, only less annoying, and a newsman.   -Finally, anybody remember the videogame 'Primal Rage"? Fun game, but damn, doing special moves and finishers was a pain in the ass. Anyways, I always played as Diablo.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

A Wrong Way to Rock and a Wrong Way to Roll

-Well, you won't be hearing me talk about homework for a while, because I'm done for the semester. Also, the weather is great today.   -The season premier of "Tom Goes To The Mayor" debuted last night. I don't care what anybody says: This show is hilarious. I love it because it's unconventional, and because it pisses off losers on the internet.   -It seems like Rob Zombie will be doing the next Halloween movie. Rob, I personally think that this is a bad idea. Stick to whatever it is you want to direct , and please direct an episode of "Masters of Horror."   -Bush is trying to ban gay marriage. You know, I have to ask the question: what is so bad about gay marriage?Lets face it folks: it isn't hurting anybody, and marriage isn't exactlly a sacred bond anymore. Besides, I think gay couples have every right to be miserable and wonder what they were thinking when they married the person they thought was right for them as straight couples do, though that's probably just me.   -I was at Meijer today, and stumbled upon a novelazation of WWE's slasher flick "See No Evil". I skimmed through a few pages, and got a good chuckle out of it. Didn't buy it though.   That's all for now.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

The Worst Horror Movie Sequals Ever Made

-I forgot to mention in my last entry that I read both "WrestleCrap" and "The Death Of WCW". Still great stuff.   -Anyways, I've changed my mind, and instead decided to list the worst horror movie sequals ever made instead of the worst movie sequals ever made. Here thay are, in no particualr order:   Hellraiser: Bloodline-To me, this is the worst of the seven sequals. Sure, III was the beginning of the downfall, 5 and 6 were dreadful, and 7 and 8 were watchable (I kinda liked 7), but the fourth entry in the series is the worst because IMO, it had so many possibilities (in spite of it's tacked on sci-fi gimmick) to be good. Pinhead gets in some great lines ("Do I look like someone who cares about what God thinks?") and it has some interesting cenobites, as well as a cool backstory. However, it all feels rushed and incomplete. Basically, it feels like a wasted opportunity.   Friday the 13th 8-The worst of the series, this one is really boring, and feels uninspired. Plus, Jason really doesn't do that much in Manhatten.   Zombi 4: After Death-While "Zombi 3" is bad, it's at least entertainingly bad. This one is the worst of the series, as it has no interesting gore, characters, or even interesting Zombies. It's all just really boring, and proof that America isn't the only place were shitty sequals are made. Fun fact: Don "The Dragon" Wilson has a small role in the movie, and from what I read in a book, one of the lead actors is also a gay pornstar.   Return of the Living Dead 4 and 5-These two movies are complete disasters in the world of zombie cinema, and a slap to the face of any ROTLD fan.   Child's Play III-No interesting kills, an underused Chucky, and a horrible ending make this one a complete disaster. At least we got "Bride of Chucky" after this one.   Pet Cemetary II-Dull, nonsensical, and really just pointless, this is one of the worst sequals to a Stephan King Adaptation I can think of.   The Ring 2-To think, Iactually like the remake more than the Japanese original. Here, Samara becomes a cheap Freddy Krueger knock off, and loses everything that made her scary. Way to go Hollywood.   Return Of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre-The only thing good in this movie is Matthew McConaughey as a psychopathic redneck named Vilmer. The rest of this (including Leatherface as a cowardly transvestite) is an insult.   That's all for now. Next time: severely underappreciated Horror movies, part one
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

8
How To Vibrate
 

Bologna Pony

Damn, I've got a ton of typing and writing as far as homework goes. Fortunately, I only have two or three weeks of classes left.   -It seems like Glenn Beck is slowly making it into my worst things on TV today list. I tried giving his show a shot, and it was just painful to watch, not to mention unfunny. The guy tries so hard to be funny, but fails. Also, his whole "I'm going to see the Da Vinci Code because supposidly, the French hate it!" comment was corny. I thought hating on the French went out of style a while back. Besides, the French gave us the movie High Tension, and the music of Francoise Hardy.   -Speaking of "The Da Vinci Code", who gives a flying fuck about it? The book sucked major balls, so the movie will most likely suck major balls as well.   -Hillary Clinton recently gave a speech that lambasted the current generation of kids. Now, I'm normally all for ripping on kids today. Hell, I hate kids today. But come on Hillary, you sound like that crazy old lady who yells at kids to get off her lawn. Eh, I never liked her that much anyway.   That's all for now. Next time: Will BUTT-Heads fear of commitment cause Beavis to become institutionalized?  
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Chocolate Jones and the Temple of Funk

Yes, todays entry is named after a MST3K bit.   -Cool news: There is going to be a fourth "Re-Animator" movie, called "House of Re-Animator", which will be directed by Stuart Gordon, and will co-star William H. Macy as the president of the U.S.   -It seems like there's now photographic evidence of a plane hitting the Pentagon of 9/11. So to all you conspiracy theoriest: Suck on it.   -Raw last night was a good show. It wasn't great, but it was good. Plus, no May 19th bullshit. Speaking of which, is anyone actually going to see "See No Evil"? I'll check it out as a DVD rental, but there is no way I'm seeing it in theatres.   -Matt Young is back, and I don't know whether I should be happy or sad.   -I bought 3 cd's today: "St. Elsewhere" by Gnarls Barkley, "Supernature" by Goldfrapp, and "Houses of The Holy" by Led Zeppelin. All three are awesome.   That's all for now. Next Time: another wacky entry title, and other such nonsense.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

You'll Go Blind

Well, things are same as always. I have a big paper/essay/whatever to do for my buisiness writing class that's due in about two weeks. I started it today, so I'm going to finish it tomorrow. Then it's a presentation for that class, which I'll start on Monday.   Well, I saw a USA Today poll two days ago on Olberman, and it seems that Tom Cruise is more popular than Bush. Granted, he's not a politician, and it's by 4%, but still, that says something.   You know, I don't watch Smackdown, but I' do see the spoilers to it, and I have a question: If Rey's champ, then what's the point to jobbing out in squash matches every week? Could somebody please answer this for me. Also Leena, don't take this as an insult, but I have a question for you: why on Earth do you like Great Khali, because from what I've heard about him, he's awful.   The weather over here has been miserable. It's going to rain all week according to The Weather channel and the local news. Hows the weather for you guys?   That's all for now. Next time: I rate the new albums of this year so far.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

on conspiracy theories

Well, there's a thread in the Current Events folder that deals with a new "documentary" movie called "loose Change", which says Bush caused 9/11.   You know, I've never believed in conspriracy theories (except for JFK), and for many reasons. Here's a few reasons why:   1.) They lack logic. Sure, people will tell you that they think the Bush administration bombed the WTC on 9/11. Thing is, there are three things that prove this to be bullshit, Actually, there are others, but here are the three reasons that come to my head right now.   -The fact that we saw fucking planes hit the WTC. Come on, the impact itself would make any building, no matter how large it is, collapse. Look up the facts. Scientists themselves have proven all of these theoris wrong. -The fact that the Government wouldn't attack something that is helpful to the economy, or it's own Country. Come on, I may hate Bush, but he's not that stupid, and he's not that evil. Oh, and another thing conspiracy theorists: Prove that there was missle that attacked the Pentagon. You can't, and that's because there was FUCKING PLANE WRECKAGE THERE, YOU PARANOID SHIT EATING FUCKING ASSHOLES. DO YOU FUCKERS EVEN CARE ABOUT THE FACT THAT THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE LOST THEIR LIVES ON THAT DAY? DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU LOONEY CONSPIRACIES UNDERMINE THE DEATHS OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE? -The fact that Al-Qaeda pretty much said that they were the ones responsible.   2.) Many of them are Anti-Semetic. That's right, one of the most popular 9/11 conspiracy theories right now is that the Jews caused it. If history has proven has taught me anything, it's that no matter what horrible event happens in history, then their are people who will blame the Jews. They'll blame them on Pearl Harbor, Katrina, The crash of the Hindenburg, the assassinations of JFK and Lincoln-pretty much just about anything bad you can think of, there are people who will blame it on the jews.   3.) The fact that you can't cover something up for a long time. Let's face it, most people can't keep a secret or a lie for a long time, and nobody can keep a secret of a conspiracy level magnitude for very long. It's just the truth.   In the end, I have this to say: Conspiracy Theories are bullshit. The government didn't cause 9/11. The Holocaust did happen, no matter what it's deniers tell you. We did land on the moon. Extraterrestrials are not abducting rednecks in cornfields. Conspiracy Theories are bullshit, and every one who thinks that they are the stone cold truth is a nutcase who should be locked up in a looney bin.   Oh, and one more thing to the 9/11 conspiracy theorists: Even Oliver Stone thinks that your theories are bullshit. Let that sink in for a while.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

6
How To Vibrate
 

The Bird With The Crystal Plumage

-Last night I watched The Bird With The Crystal Plumage, and I loved it. It's a great piece of early giallo style horror cinema, and it was Dario Argento's directorial review.   -Listened to the reissue to Chapterhouses album Whirlpool, and it's pretty good. The bonus tracks (all ep songs) are a mixed bag (some are great, some not so great) but the album tracks are great. Good to see a reissue of this, as it's a bit of a lost classic in the shoegazer era.   -It seems like a guy from Fox News has stepped in as Bush's new advisor. If you ask me, I'm suprised it took this long for a guy from Fox News to officially work for Bush, but it's happened. I will say this: He's probably the envy of a lot of the folks that work at Fox news.   -I enjoy the Colbert report, but I must admit: I think that sometimes, he overplays the character a bit. It's not that hard to mock/satirize dudes like Hannity, but he sometimes overdoes his character, making it a little annoying.   -And now, as I promised last night, here's my list of underrated/underappreciated comedy movies   National Lampoon's European Vacation-Not as good as the first Vacation movie, or Christmas Vacation, but infanately better than Vegas Vacation. There are some lame moments (the dreadful 80's fashions come to mind), but there are some great moments, such as Eric Idle's appearances, and Clark forgetting to turn off the camcorder when he's having sex with his wife (and said video making it on the French Porn market).   Pootie Tang-This, along with Undercover Brother, are far superior to the overrated Austin Powers movies (though I do love the second Powers movie the most). Everything about this movie is hysterical, from the Villains (Jennifer Coolidge as an over the top hooker, David Cross as a Pootie Tang Impersonator) to the soundtrack ("I Wanna Be Your Man" by Zapp and Roger in particular, is a great highlight), to the appearences from other comics (Todd Berry comes to mind) to Pooties daddy, to the guy who always repeats what others are saying, to Dirty D ("They made me shower!"), to Pooties way with the ladies, to Bob Costas, to Pooties dialogue in general, to the absurd fight scenes-just about everything in this movie is hilarious.   Kung Pow-I'm only mentioning this because I don't know anyone that loves this movie. How can anybody hate a movie with Gopher Chucks and a villain named Bettie? Plus: "That's alotta nuts!"   Shaolin Soccer-Not as good as Kung Fu Hustle, but close enough. Have I ever mentioned that Stephen Chou is fucking awesome?   Canadian Bacon-The last movie John Candy starred in, and the only movie Michael Moore has done that I can honestly enjoy. The highlights: John and the boys forgetting the words to Born in the U.S.A. and Oklahoma, and the scene at the camp fire were we realize that the black guy is always the first guy to die in movies.   Joes Apartment -Singing cockroaches (one voiced by Dave Chappel), making fun of scenester kids, a man named Walter Shit, syncronized swimming in a toilet, Robert Vaughn, and Don Ho. I have always loved this movie, but nobody else seems to.   Beavis and Butthead Do America-The peyote trip itself is a highlight of 90's comedy in itself. Also: "The guys who's trailer off they were wacking" may be one of the funniest things ever said.   Dirty Work-Norm McDonald was always underrated in my eyes, and this movie proves it. Moments such as "Men in Black-Having Sex with Other men" are good, but the dead hookers in a car joke is a thing of comic genius.   Street Trash-Essentially a horror comedy, but oh well. Here's a movie with a liquor that causes the body to melt into monet like colors, or causes it to explode. Also has: rape, necrophillia, a cop who pukes on people, bad dialogue, fart jokes, and most memorably of all: A game of Hot Potato with a severed penis.   Very Bad Things-The wanna be Quentin Tarentino moments suck, but the rest of this movie is great. Jokes about chopping up hookers, Daniel Stern going insane, Christian Slater being an evil asshole, and a wonderfully dark ending.   The Cable Guy-Jim Carey as a psychotic stalker. When this came out, critics (and audiences) hated it, or didn't understand it. I think this sucker a a great piece of dark comedy. Also, to this day, I sometimes say "Oh Billy!"   Cabin Boy-I don't care what anybody says: this movie is awesome. Chris Elliot, a cameo from David Letterman, and great dialogue ("These Pipe Are Clean!").
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

I Hate Keisha Cole

Ok, I don't really hate Keisha Cole. I just hate the fact that I have to hear the song "Love" every Goddamn day. For Christ sake, It's not even a good song.   Anyways, here's some other stuff   I can't believe that I forgot to add this to my worst things on tv right now: MadTV. This show is the second worse thing on TV right now. Have I ever mentioned that I want to see Alex Borstein, Michael McDonald, and Will Sasso slowly tortured in the most excrutiating ways possible for their work on that show?   As I promised, here's my guilty pleasures of TV, past and present.   Jerry Springer I think that ever since they got rid of the sleezy sounding announcer and put in pool dancers and came up with lame catchphrases ("Jerry Berries" anyone?), it's become less entertaining. Anyways, I will admit though, that back in the day, I loved to watch Jerry Springer. Trash TV at it's best. One of the most underrated moments of the show: A white man proposes to his black girlfriend on national TV-in front of the Klan-and she says yes. Sappy, but for some reason, I thought it was kinda sweet.   Kim Possible Yea, there's some lame jokes on the show, but the jokes that hit really hit. Plus, it's had both Brian Posehn and Patton Oswald on it. I'm just mentioning that because I think those two are hilarious.   Super Milk Chan Fact: I got a dirty look from an Anime geek yesterday for admitting I like that show. Yes, because God forbid I have guilty pleasures. This show is incredibly stupid, but I still love it. Also, I love the references to Japanese Wrestlers, and the President. Oh, and the fact that it's essentially a satire of modern day Japanese Pop Culture (notice how the main character essentially stands against everything Japanese Society accepts). I've always called the Japanese zombie movie "Stacy" the "Super Milk Chan of Zombie Movies" for the fact that it gets a lot of detractors, but I still love it, and it's more cleaver than it appears.   Knightrider Come on, who hates "Knightrider?" I loved this show as a kid, and I still watch it whenever I have the chance to now. Plus, Kit is better than all of you.   Teen Titans Well, the first three seasons at least. Season four was disappointing (and overrated) with the exception of Ron Perlman returning as the voice of Slade, and Season five outright sucked, and ended (along with the series) with a weak conclusion. Also, Slade is probably the creepiest villain right now in American Animation.   Hamtaro I don't care what anyone says: Little Hamsters going on adventures= greatness.            
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

The Worst Shows on TV

First of all, I'm sure some of you have noticed that me and Red Hot Thumbtack In The Eye have been in an debate/argument. All I'm going to say is that I'm done arguing with him. He's not going to convince me or anyone else otherwise, and arguing with him is pointless.   Oh, and Burzum sucks.   Anyways, here's the real reason you folks are going to read this entry: Here's what I think are the worst shows on TV, and why I think they are the worst   -Flavor of Love Man Flava Flav, what happened? You went from telling us about Cold Lampin' to this? How the mighty have fallen. Also, why must they have the ultimate sterotypical white and black women on this show? Why is VH1 still around?   -Uranium Actually, this show would be much more tollerable if they got a new host. Sure, the girl they have right now is pretty hot, but she's so fucking annoying. Also, I like to call Fuse "The Angry White Boy Channel"   -Best Week Ever This IMO, is the worst thing on TV right now. None of the people one the show are funny (actually, Patton Oswald was on the show briefly, so they used to have someone on it that was funny), everyone on it is smary and obnoxious, and deserve a good beating. It also doesn't help when you remember that VH1 actually used to be a decent alternative to MTV. At least we still have VH1 classic.   -Minoriteam To Adult Swim: Sure, jokes about minorities can be amusing, but to base your entire show around stereotypes is just annoying. No, not offensive, just annoying.   -Mind of Mencia Chappelle Flies the Cukoo's nest, and his replacement: An annoying comic who makes half assed observations. Way to go guys!   -Medium Ever wonder what a crime drama/horror show/supernatural show would be like if it were catered to the soccer mom crowd? Here you go. Also, poor, poor Patricia Arquette.   -The O'Reilly Factor I'm not including this because of his Right Wing Bias, or whatever. I'm including this because this man is the most unproffesional personality on television today. Plus, I really hate the guy. He should take a note from Scarborough, or even Tucker Carlson. Sure, Joe gets on my nerves sometimes, and Carlson is a little twit, but at least they know how to act professionally.   -Inuyasha Out of all the anime shows on TV right now, this one's probably the worst. Sure, it probably doesn't help that I'm the only man on Earth who liked "Super Milk Chan", but at least that show didn't have the most retarded fans since Insane Clown Posse came along.   Next time: The Best Guilty Pleasures on TV (past and present)
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Here Comes the Hotstepper

-Birthday was alright. Nothing big happened, but nothing bad happened either.   -Tomorrow night, Adult Swim starts showing "Saved By The Bell". The reason this makes me happy is because it pisses people off. These guys love tofuck with their fans, and that's all kinds of awesome. The more pissed off Inuyasha fans there are, the better.   -It seems like Bush will never get rid of Rumsfeld. I know that this isn't a political blog, and I tend not to talk about politics, but I'm starting to wonder what it would take to get to get Rumsfeld fired. Come on, six retired generals want the guy out, yet Bush continues to say he's doing a great job. I swear, Rumsfeld could rape infants on live television, and Bush would continue to talk about how he's "doing a great job". It just amazes me.   -Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. For some reason, i wished that Leenawould have, but oh well.   that's all for now folks.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Happy Birthday to Me.

Well, today's my birthday. I'm 23 years old. If you didn't wish me a happy birthday here,, then feel free to wish me a happy birthday on my blog.   Anyways, here's a birthday present from me to you.   Things you can learned from TSM poster's   -Not all Insane Clown Posse fans are idiots (Carnival) -There are actually females on the internet (Leena) -Some people have a very creepy obsession with Hillary Duff, and have somehow convinced themselves that she's a great actress and singer (bob barron) -Liberals suck (INXS) -Conservatives suck (MikeSC) -Some people should not be allowed on the internet (Desperate Housewife, fanofcoils) -Some people frown upon everything (Czech Republic) -Hippies suck (kkktookmybabyaway) -Dancing Corgi Approves (Yours Truly) -Some theatres pick up awesome movies (niskie) -Gimmick posters: some rule (Eddie Winslow, Gay Lincoln) but most suck -You can get crust under your naval (Carnival) -Some people let you know way too much about your personal life (wildpegasus, Matt Young. That reminds me, will Matt ever come back?)   Now, some youtube links for you guys   South Park-The Now Banned "Trapped In The Closet" Episode Arrested Developement-Tobias Highlights Coil-Video for the song "Windowpane" DJ Shadow's "Changeling" Performed bu a High School Band Aphex Twin-"Windowlicker" Video Afrika Bambaataa-Planet Rock Guy caught Spanking it to "World of Warcraft" "Hulk Hogan, We're Commin' For You Nigga!" Kanenites! (Remember when Kane had an interesting character? Here's a blast from the past)   That's all. Happy Birthday to me!
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Badonkadonk

Well, things are alright I guess. Nothing much going on. Anyways, old Lovecraft was also trying to get into different kinds bands and artists. So far, let's see how this experiment has been so far   .Kinski-Here's a cool little band. They are an instrumental rock band, but not a post rock band. They're kind of an instrument psychedelic rock band, with a bit of an shoegazer influence.   .Pelican-This is pretty sweet. Instrumental metal, with a bit of a post rock thing going for them. I downloaded The Fire In Our Throats Will Beckon The Thaw,and it's great. Also worth checking out is Red Sparrowes, a post rock band with members of Isis and Neurosis.   .Ocean-Man, it's amazing I'm starting to listen to more metal, especially considering that I don't have the best relationship with the genre. Here's a cool doom metal band, with death metal, black metal, and post rock tendancies. To be honest, it was the doom and post rock things that dragged me in.   .Burzum-Really, really sucks. Why this band has a following is beyond me. The production is below sub par, it's really grating, and really boring. Plus, I've known about Varg's criminal history and views for a while, and that doesn't help matters. This is the second time I've given them a listen, and both the metal and the instrumental ambience is dreadful.   .7L and Esoteric-On the Hip Hop side of things, here's a cool little group. I dig the rhymes, as well as the production. Hell, they use xylophones in one of their albums. More albums need those.   .Sixtoo-I've always dug instrumental Hip-Hop, and this is pretty awesome. Plus, Damo Suzuki apppears on the song Storm Clouds & Silver Linings . Good to see he's still around.   Well, that's it for now. Next on my list: Solmania, Ulver, Fad Gadget, Trans Am, and Isotope 217.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

Return of The Mack

-First things first: That "mutant baby" picture (it's Czech's new Avatar Picture) scares the fucking shit out of me. That may be one of the scariest things I've seen on the internet, and I've seen some terrifying shit on the internet.   -I can seem to quit listening to the new Ghostface Killah album. It's that damn good. Anyone who enjoys hip hop should give this one a listen. Plus, it doesn't cost very much, and it's got some awesome producers (the late J.Dilla, Pete Rock, MF Doom, Just Blaze). Also, I'm looking forward to the new Current 93 CD (should be out by May or June), the new Aphex Twin CD (out on the 18th. It has the best tracks from last years Analord vinyl series), the new Mono album (a great post-rock band from Japan. It's being produced by Steve Albini), and a re-issue of shoegazer band Chapterhouse's album Whirlpool (complete with bonus tracks from ep's). Also, I might get the new Goldfrapp CD, and the new one from The Sounds (they are a new guilty pleasure for me).   -All of my classes were cancled yesterday. I still got a ton of homework to do.   -A guy in a dorm a few rooms from me keeps playing the three songs over and over again, and it's driving me crazy: Lovers And Friends by Usher w/ Lil' Jon and Ludacris, The Crossroads by Bone Thugs N Harmony, and Love by Keisha Cole. I have to hear these songs for 50 minutes every fucking morning.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

6
How To Vibrate
 

Are You Gonna Be There (At The Love In?)

Today's entry is named after a song from the 60's Garage Rock band Chocolate Watch Band.   -Good news for horror fans. It looks like "Cemetary Man", which I think is the best Italian Zombie Movie ever made, will be released on DVD in June by Anchor Bay. It will come in a widescreen transfer with 5.1 Dolby Surround sound track. Special Features will include a special making of documentary, a directors bio, and trailer. More info can be found here.   -I'm taking a short story writing class right now, and it's all kinds of awesome. I'm currently working on a story for the class called "Jessica", which deals with a zombies that don't actually do anything to harm people(I thought it would be cool to try a story with zombies that don't eat flesh) , a troubled man named Ryasn, and his now zombified wife. I've got about six pages done so far.   -I don't care how many people complain about it, I love that the Spirit Squad are the tag champs. Sure, they have a shitty gimmick (which I will admit I liked at first), but they are pretty good workers. Plus, it's good to see the belts off of Kane and Big Show, though the tag titles are mostly useless at this point.   -Finally,
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

Another Day, Another Entry

-Bought the new Ghostface Killah album today. So far, I'm really loving it. Plus, it has J.Dilla (RIP), Pete Rock, Just Blaze, and MF Doom on production, and the entire Wu Tang Clan on the track 9 Milli Bros. I also got Thunder, Lightning, Strike by The Go! Team.   -It seems like tomorrows episode of "South Park" takes a shot on "Family Guy". To be honest, I haven't watched FG in a while. Maybe it's just me, but refrencing 80's pulp culture constantly gets kind of old. Granted, it's not a bad show, I'm just tired of the show, since it's basically a less obnoxious "I Love The 80's"   -Mickie James is the new Women's Champ, and continues to bring on the awesome. Really, how could anyone hate her dressing up just like Trish on Raw last night? Also, great to see Carlito turn face. The guy's really improved lately. On the downside, do we really need Jamal back as the Samoan version of Kamala, only not any fun? Plus, the Shawn vs. Vince feud is still going on. I swear, Vince really hates the fans. What other explanation could there be for this bullshit?   -Finally, I saw the stupidest t-shirt yesterday: it basically said "Keep Arnold From Becoming President in '08". I wanted to tell the guy wearing it that he was an idiot, but I didn't, because I remembered that you can't reason with hippies.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
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