8:30 p.m.
• So I’ve been hearing about Roger Clemens and his hard-hitting “60 Minutes” interview. First off, I have to chuckle because I’ve heard more than one person go “OMG Roger knows Mike Wallace – not fair, soft interview!” So we are supposed to discount this interview due to media bias? How come when the same griping goes on in the political world the accusers are right-wing nut jobs? Well that’s because we are. Nevermind. Is Roger telling the truth? I don’t know and I don’t care. I will say this, though. For now I will take his word. Not because I believe in that innocent until proven guilty stuff. But rather if he gets busted for roids, I’ll have plenty of time to make up for saying, “let’s just wait until his dealer comes out of hiding.” But wait, Marian Jones and Barry Bonds did many of the same things – did you believe them? Why should I – they are black.
• Some guy from Ohio State just scored a touchdown on a 65-yard run. I don’t care who wins the BcS title, but I guess I’m pulling for Ohio State. I’m sure they have more white players than LSU, but a bigger reason is I sometimes get tired of hearing how one team is going to dominate a contest before the game even starts. By the way, will a college football fan help me out on this: what do those little symbols on a player’s helmet stand for – the number of games played/started?
• OK, I've had enough of these "productivity enhancer" ads. Go away.
Because my upcoming b-day falls on a workday this year, the better half gave me my presents today. She constantly bitches that I’m hard to shop for, which I always thought was a good thing because that means I’m not materialistic. When it comes to gifts, nothing is better than CDs, DVDs or video games (except maybe gift cards so I can get what I want whenever it goes on sale). Even though I spend most of my disposable income on the three things mentioned above, DVD gifts are usually what I prefer to get, and this year she went 3-for-3 in the present category.
My first gift was a gimmie: Season 7 of South Park. Seeing how I have the first six seasons already, it’s pretty much a no-brainer I’d be looking to add this to my collection. However, this season was when I began to stop watching “South Park” during their episodes' first run. Instead of staying up past when I normally go to bed on a work night, or setting the VCR (I’m lazy), I figured it will just be more convenient to wait until the DVD comes out and get a season's worth of shows then. Although Season 7 had some episodes that were great (Krazy Kripples, Christian Rock Hard, South Park is Gay and It’s Christmas in Canada, to name a few), there were others I didn’t care for, such as the one spoofing Jennifer Lopez and the one dealing with Cartman’s obsession with Casa Bonita. In addition, I felt a bit short-changed with the episode dealing with the Iraq war – the payoff wasn’t that satisfying to me, and it reminded me a bit of that episode dealing with Terri Schiavo and the removal of her feeding tube. (Although it was great to hear the Founding Fathers go “rabble rabble rabble.")
The second thing I got was the soundtrack to “Team America: World Police.” A few months ago I had the movie’s “AIDS” song stuck in my head for about a week, and I guess that’s where Mrs. kkk got the idea to get me this album. A good idea it was, considering I already had the movie on DVD and liked several songs such as “Everyone has AIDS,” “America, Fuck Yeah,” and “Montage.” In regards to the movie itself, I was a bit disappointed by it. However, I think a large part of my letdown stems from me expecting too much. I try not to give a movie too high of expectations, but sometimes you just can't help it. (Kevin Smith's "Dogma" was another film that I had this problem with.) Overall I liked the movie, but it seemed to drag on in some places. But when it hit, it hit hard. Along with making fun of a number of Hollywood celebrities and the United Nations, I liked a lot of the film’s smaller touches, such as black cats being vicious “panthers” and seeing tropical fish in the “ocean” scenes. And then there was the dialogue, more specifically "Matt Damon," a phrase that the better half and I now use whenever the other person says or does something stupid. In addition, it’s nice to know that the Chiodo Brothers, creators of “Killer Klowns from Outer Space,” one of my favorite cheesy films of all-time, produced the puppets in "Team America." I’m sure there won’t be a sequel to this movie, but some work is better than no work, especially in the film industry.
The third present was an “Uncle Buck” DVD. The odd thing about this selection is that I was never really a fan of John Candy when many of his movies were first shown in the 1980s. However, as I got older and watched these films again I began to appreciate them more; perhaps I didn’t quite get Candy’s humor as a kid, or perhaps my sense of what’s funny is getting diluted. I must say however that I always loved one particular scene in “Uncle Buck” when he’s talking a school administrator with a sizeable mole on her face. If you saw this movie, you know what I’m talking about, and if you haven’t seen this movie, I don’t know what to tell you.
1:30 p.m.
• Now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day. This woman married some guy who always plays video games and Instant Messaging on the computer. They have one baby and thinks he should be more responsible. Uhhhh, I don’t think I want to hear the rest of this one…
9:30 p.m.
• You know what’s got me wondering. With the polls and pundits expecting a double-digit Obama win yesterday, and getting a way different result once all the votes were cast, how come I haven’t been hearing about voter disenfranchisement?
How come I haven’t heard about any far-sighted Jews talking about confusing ballots?
How come I haven’t heard about snarling police dogs keeping the three black people in New Hampshire away from the polls?
How come I haven’t heard about calls to nursing homes and flyers littering the plighted areas of town telling people that voting will take place on Wednesday, January 9 instead of Tuesday, January 8?
How come I haven’t heard about defective voting machines or erroneous tabulation counters?
How come?
I’ll tell you what. Seeing how I didn’t hear any of these problems after the 2006 elections, I must say that all that election-reform hooey really must have worked. It seems that literally overnight all of our voting problems were solved. Weird.
I hate Memorial Day weekend. Is it because I’m an anti-war commie that despises the imperialist machine and its march over the innocents of the world? Not quite. Memorial Day weekend brings about an annual event that takes place in my (red)neck of the woods. What is it you ask? The kkk in-law white trash gathering. God I hate this “family” get-together. Basically, the better half has this aunt who organizes a cookout at her house every year, and the cretins from Mrs. kkk’s side of the family make their way down. Fuck I hate going to this thing. Aside from the crack-whore sister-in-law and her out-of-control daughter, the better half’s immediate family is normal, or at least as normal as you can get. The rest of the family tree however, well … *shudder.*
This aunt whose residence we have to go to is a welfare bum who is too fat and lazy to get a real job. And the only reason she gets as much welfare as she does is because there’s another aunt there who has had one foot in the grave for the last 10 years. When she goes, so does the house; I heard that the government has some sort of “lean” on the house where once this woman dies the other aunt will have to either pay off debt that the property has accumulated over the years, or she will have to hand everything over to the State. Sadly, the healthy aunt managed to attend my wedding last June, which pissed me off because I wanted her not to show up, thus giving me a free pass from this abortion of a cookout for the rest of my life.
I shouldn’t be so negative though, because the better half’s one cousin and her troll family won’t be in attendance. She is a real winner in life. Back when she was 18 or so she lived at this soon-to-be-taken-over house with the two aunts. Then the man of her dreams came into her life – the handyman who the aunts hired to do some occasional housework. Was this guy a strapping young lad? No. He was a late forty-something, toothless, obese Mexican with a really bad comb-over. Not only that but he already had several kids from a previous marriage he did nothing for in regards to child support. Oh, and he made his living as a part-time janitor. Well these two kids fell madly in love and soon thereafter they tried bringing in even more children into this crazy world. There was one problem. Nature, apparently, had enough of this guy reproducing and made him sterile. That didn’t stop these two – the chick got artificially inseminated; not once, but twice. How are they supporting this family? With food stamps, welfare and just about every other public assistance program out there. After all, having the income of a part-time janitor to support a family of four isn’t what it used to be, thanks to this Bush economy. But yet somehow, someway, they managed to buy a house. Granted I’m sure it’s probably a shit hole, but it’s a house nevertheless. I love this country.
The reason this test-tube family won’t be gracing the rest of the white trash with their presence is because this cookout has been traditionally held on Memorial Day, but this year it’s being held on the day before. This is because someone in this clan who has an EMT job (or something like that) is going to be “on call” Monday and wouldn’t have been able to attend the cookout had it been held on May 29. Instead, the test-tube family is going to be spending the day at some local amusement park as a form of "protest" – I hope this place accepts food stamps or else there are going to be some hungry kids.
I do have some pleasant memories of this odd couple. A few years ago when we moved back to Pennsylvania, the better half invited them over to our previous residence. I don’t know why she did this, but whatever. Anyway, the Mexican began roughhousing our cats, which annoyed me, but I figured this would teach JJ a lesson the next time he decides to approach a dirty Mexican and sniff his shoe. However, this guy then picked up our one cat Shadow, who passed away in ’04. We got Shadow as a stray, and he always had a bit of a wild streak in him. I warned his handler that if Shadow didn’t want to be held he’d scratch and bite. My warnings went unheeded. A few seconds later, Shadow proceeded to claw the ever-loving shit out of him, drawing blood in a number of places. As Shadow was tossed back down, Mr. Sterile glanced over at me with a look of shock and outrage. I was doing everything I could to keep from laughing. That will do, cat. That will do.
• Well who didn’t see this one coming?
Wow, and he's not Catholic. Well he wouldn't be; the other guy isn't nine years old.
Oh did you now?
Just what the hell has gay marriage got to do with any of this shit? It sounds like to me the good reverend didn’t want to get hitched with you.
Lies. All lies. I’m sure they were talking about Bibles. Damn you liberal media.
I’m a bit of an odd bird when it comes to religion. On one hand some of the biggest hypocrites and two-faced shitbags I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting came from places of worship. On the other hand I strongly support people and their right to worship. I think the best way to describe my opinion on this subject is that the only thing I hate more than a Jesus freak shoving a Bible in my face is some atheist fuck who wants to hold an entire community hostage because of some harmless Nativity scene. I really don’t care about the Pat Robertsons or Jerry Falwells, but I think that’s because they get vilified enough by others in the media that I don’t feel like piling on. I save my bile for assholes like the Fascist Barry Lynn, who I’ve mentioned before is one of these separation-of-church-from-everything-remotely-public assholes that just flat out gets on my nerves. I love how some people’s concept of religious tolerance is forbidding 99 people to sing “Silent Night” at some school concert because one person isn’t Christian. To me, the tolerance would be that one person shutting up and letting the other 99 do their thing. It’s not like they’re taking turns sodomizing the heathen with a broomstick. And, yes, I practice what I preach. Even though I’m a confirmed Lutheran, I don’t consider myself a religious person. Hell, I don’t know if I’m even all that spiritual. Is there something up there or down below? I have no clue. But if I’m in a group that says a prayer before some meeting or event, I don’t go OMG QUIT TRYING TO SHOVE YOUR PURITAN VIEWS DOWN MY THROAT!!!! I just bow my head, close my eyes, and let the rest of the people around me do their thing. Now is that so goddamn hard?
• Oh what the hell now? I was never a Sean Combs/Puff Daddy/P. Diddy hater, but now he’s starting to get on my nerves a bit.
Oh no you didn’t.
12:15 p.m.
• I read about this in the ESPN sucks thread, but I just saw the first video teaser for this shit.
I wonder if some black kid just came up to Tom Jackson and ask if he could, someday, have his own NFL Countdown segment. I knew that running gag would eventually have some sort of payoff other than the hilarity it brings every time I use it.
8:30 a.m.
• Spoilerz 'n stuff ahead: I was in the mood to watch some shit yesterday, so I went into my OnDemand/DVR library and pulled out a few time-fillers. One was the "Hills Have Eyes 2." Not the crappy remake sequel. The crappy sequel to the first one made in the '70s. As I was watching this shit-fest, I wondered torward the end where the heck Ruby was. No way she could have died just from falling down and hitting her head on a rock. Yeah, I know in real life someone can actually die from that, but this is the f'n movies! People had their throats slashed, backs broken and harpoons shot through them. Falling five feet onto some hippie rock, especially since she was a carry-over from the first movie, is soooooo weak. Sadly, after going to IMDB, it appears that this is how she went out. Gay. At least the dog lived. I think Beast should get his (or is it her?) own spin-off.
Before watching this, I gave "Return of the Living Dead II" a look-see. I couldn't remember if I saw this one years ago or the first one. All I remember about that one is "Send... more... paramedics" and that the place gets nuked in the end. I have to say that I really liked this one. There's something to be said when a film knows its stupid and has fun with it. And Doc has been placed unusually high for a first-time viewing on my list of "characters I like." Great character.
6:30 p.m.
• So I get a call from the better half today.
“Someone hit the car.”
“You OK?”
“Yes.”
“Any damage?”
“There’s a dent by the front wheel side.”
“What happened.”
“Someone backed into me in this parking lot, etc. (Long story short: It was all his fault.)”
“Did you get his information?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. It didn’t look bad.”
Christ. So if there was some damage done, however unlikely it may be, we’re fucked. Yippie. Considering Mrs. kkk had this car near-totaled back in '03 due to some bitch gabbing on a cell phone ramming into her just months after she bought the vehicle new you'd think she'd be more vigilant about dealing with idiot drivers. Guess not.
• Well I’m offended. Shittsburgh’s mayor was recently diagnosed with several brain tumors and has been seeking treatment for his condition. No, that’s not what got my panties in a bunch. It’s that today a public prayer vigil was held from 11 a.m. to noon. On city property. OMG CALL THE ACLU! Where’s The Fascist Barry Lynn to tear shit up when you really need him? What a travesty. There could have been a little atheist walking by this public display of religious activity, and he or she could have been offended by what I had only thought went on in red states. I certainly hope the ACLU does something about this; at the very least they better write a scolding letter to the city threatening legal action if this sort of thing should ever happen again.
• This story cracks me up.
Now these coaches who ordered the intentional walk are going to be vilified more in the press than Hezbollah. I think there are more important things in life than having your pee-wee squad winning some hippie championship, but so what if the weaker hitter was a cancer survivor? Would this story become a nation-wide topic if this kid were just naturally not athletic? Fuck that. If you are going to put a kid like this behind your team’s best hitter, even at the 9-year-old level, then you run the risk of having some win-at-all-costs manager on the other team willing to take advantage of this situation. The only thing I would see “wrong” with this story would be if not allowing intentional walks was an “unwritten” rule or something in this league. If that was the case, then that manager who issued the intentional walk pulled a bitch move; otherwise, all is fair in baseball. If you want to complain that the opposing manager issued an intentional walk of a team’s best player to get to a weaker hitter in a crucial game situation involving grade-school kids, that’s fine. But don’t play up the “cancer” angle because that won’t score any points (not to mention runs) with me.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 34: Carnival
This might come as a surprise to some, seeing how the little pecker beat me in last year’s TSM Poster Tournament. However, he’s a cat person and a juggalo to boot. If you don’t know what a juggalo is, just be thankful and move on. He also comes to the TSM community in hopes that we can pick him a suitable mate, or at least something to stick his wang into for a while – that is before his plan went all to hell.
And now a word or five from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Lovecraft:
From Black Lushus:
From ... Carnival:
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
6:30 p.m.
• Well, the better half has been sick for the past week or so, and everytime this happens it's only a matter of time before it latches onto me. Today is that day.
2:30 p.m.
• This is funny.
Pesonally, I don't want to know how many people will be at my funeral -- I'm guessing two, maybe three.
10 a.m.
• First we’re killing off the polar bears by melting away their frosty homes due to global warming, and now some hippie animal rights people want to off baby bears that become too “human”?
Now that last paragraph might seem a little … odd, but otherwise, leave the zoo alone. I’m sure you’ll be able to use this bear in upcoming commie videos claiming that melting ice caps forced little Knut into the waiting arms of the Berlin Zoo.
• Well, yesterday it was Dessa’s turn to go to the vet. Out of the three we have to take every year for their annual checkup/shots, she’s the easiest to deal with. Her defense of stiffing up so as to not get into the carrier doesn’t work, and most of her commotion consists of little, pathetic meows, unlike JJ and Max, who won’t shut up. While at the vet’s I asked about the recent pet food scare.
We feed Dessa and JJ Eukanuba, although it’s dry kibble 99.9 percent of the time, so I figured they weren’t in any danger, but you never know (Max gets a special diet due to crystals in his urine). One of the symptoms I read involving this bad food is loss of appetite, which so far rules these three out. Christ, every feeding time is like disturbing rations at a refugee camp.
8:30 p.m.
• You cocksuckers asked for my address, phone number, social security number, mother's maiden name, shoe size and blood sample the last time I stopped in to get some batteries and this is what you do with all that information?
• You know, if I won $150k from the lottery or inheritance (now that's a funny one; I'd need 150,000 relatives to die and leave me everything), the sensible part of me would use this money to pay off the house and Mrs. kkk's school loan. But that was before I read this.
When I was a kid I had my picture taken with KITT at a car show. (Or at least that's what I was told when my mom paid the $5 for the photo. It was a black car with that red flashy thing. Good enough for me.) Somewhat funny story. When I was in grade school in the early/mid-80s, our class (of less than 10; private school, baby) had some assignment where we had to write where we wanted to live if we had the chance. The catch: it had to be a real place. I can’t remember what I wrote, but my best friend at the time wrote that he wanted to live in “Knight Riderland.” When the teacher asked him where this was he said, “Way far away.” How the hell to I remember this? Oh, and my mom wouldn’t let me watch the A-Team because it was “too violent.” Bitch.
11:15 a.m.
• Don't you know that teaching the Holocaust in British schools is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male, err, child?
10 a.m.
• So I’m listening to Boortz on his flagship 750-WSB Atlanta this morning via the Internet, and the station just had their sports guy talk about the upcoming Florida/OSU game. Who is this guy? Tony Schiavone. It was weird hearing him describe an event and not use the words, “THIS WILL BE THE BIGGEST NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF OUR SPORT~!!!.”
11:59 p.m.
• Just when I thought Bryant Gumbel couldn't get any worse. During the Steeler game, Willie Parker got hurt bad on the second play for Pittsburgh. When it was announced that he broke his fibula, one of Gumbel's first thoughts were, "Now that means Fred Taylor will FINALLY get into a pro-bowl game." Jesus Christ, man, the guy just broke his leg. Can't we wait until later in the game to talk about this sort of thing? And don't think I'm saying this because Parker is a Steeler. Bryant also pissed me off a few weeks ago when he made an ass of himself during a Thursday-night Redskins game. The NFL Network ought to be glad they aren't on any "mainstram" cable packages, because the production value of its NFL games leaves MUCH to be desired.
8 p.m.
• (7.5) Pittsburgh @ St. Louis. The Steelers are slumping and the Rams are probably playing better than their record shows. The Black and Gold will score 27.
8:30 p.m.
• I wonder what it would be like to be the target of a GLOBAL man-hunt?
That's when you know you done fucked up. Then again, I'm sure I could sleep at night knowing the Frenchies are after me.
• Idiot.
It's not like the poor gas station owner is reaping the profits. You know, what the hell is going to happen when there's a real fuel shortage or when rationing is forced upon us? Maybe having a Democrat in office, along with a Democrat congress, won't be so bad. After all, Medium-Large Media would then tell us what a bargain $4/gallon gas really is.
• I've been meaning to talk about this gem of a story for a few days now. Here's the latest.
God bless the K-9 unit. Too bad the dog did more for society than that two-bit piece of shit who shot it. The sad thing about all this? When I first heard this story on the drive in to work earlier this week, I joked to the better half that the cops shot the dog on purpose so they could then kill another young black man. Why am I not surprised by what happened next?
And here's the real payoff...
Do I even need to answer this one? Here's some more about the framed innocent.
God, Democrats must be glad to have these peons in their back pocket, even if a sliver of them bother to vote. And thank Christ for that.
• You know what's funny about reporters? For as much as they put others in the spotlight, they are pretty shitty in it as well. For example, last night I was watching some channel that is run by the state of Pennsylvania, and on it they had this interview with several reporters from the Shittsburgh Tribune-Review. Christ almighty, none of them could put together a decent thought without saying "um," "uh" or "hmmm" more times than a professional athlete being interviewed in the locker room.
• As I said yesterday, I don't care much for the Olympics. However, something I hate more than the Winter Games is Bryant Gumbel. Throughout the years, he has constantly said his share of stupid things, and a recent clip on HBO's "Real Sports" only adds to his impressive resume. His latest effort?
Golly gee, why don't you think there are a lot of blacks at the Winter Olympics? Could it be that it's hard to form a bobsled track in the Sahara? I'm sure trying to play a game of ice hockey would be a bitch when the water in the lake you're waiting to freeze over is free-flowing and filled with hungry crocodiles. I don't know if he was trying to be funny or controversial or what, but he showed to us what he does best: be an idiotic asshole. Do I expect anything to happen to him other than a few RIGHT-WING RADIO hosts and Web sites go apeshit? Of course not. I will just use a line from writer Julianne Malveaux and her opinion about Clarence Thomas to voice my opinion toward Gumbel.
Because Malveaux is a black liberal, this is a good line to use when you don't want to be accused of being a RACIST.
Oh, and you want black people at the Winter Games? You got them. Or at least him.
• The Detroit Pistons finally called it quits and traded their first-round bust Darko Milicic to Orlando for some guy who they won't re-sign next year. This trade was made to free up salary cap room in order to sign some of their vets who will become free agents in the near future. On any other team, the general manager who picked Darko over Carmello Anthony or Dewayne Wade would get run out of town (media reports also lump in Chris Bosh in with this group, but I don't know much about him so I won't comment). However, I think Joe Dumars has earned a few "Get Out Of Bad Decisions Free" card, what with his teams reaching the NBA finals for the last two years. Instead of asking what the Pistons would be like with Anthony or Wade, the question ought to be would Detroit have won a championship and being one game away from winning a second title without the starting five Dumars assembled?
• George Clooney’s costume from that "Batman and Robin" movie is going to be auctioned. Some people think the suit could go for $100,000; any proceeds should go to people that bought a ticket to see that piece-of-shit film. When I saw it in the theater, I was with my one friend and we had this little brat sitting behind us. This heathen was so freaking annoying, and the kid’s parents weren’t much better. However, this kid’s redemption came late in the movie when there were some multi-angled shots of Alicia Silverstone putting on her skin-tight Batgirl outfit. After seeing various shots of her tits, ass and everything in-between, the kid behind us asked his parents, “Is that Robin?" That was worth the price of admission alone. Then again I worked at a theater during this time, which meant I saw this movie for free. I won't ask for a refund, but you better not after reading this crap I post.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 60: Prime Time Andrew Doyle
I’ve known Mr. Doyle through the years via my NFL pick ‘em contest, and he seems like an OK enough bloke. He’s from Down Under, and I’ve always liked Australians. He’s also been tempted to seek the services of a hooker right after his classes finish early, but he’s too cheap to pay the $140 for a half-hour of service. Money Over Bitches. My kind of guy.
• Yet another difference between men and women. A conversation the better half and I had a few days ago.
• There are certain professions that once you find a good person at his or her craft, you latch onto them for dear life. Some examples include those in the car repair and medical field. I’d also include veterinarians in this category, too. When our one kitty got sick a few years ago our vet at the time did nothing but say, “Well he probably has cancer,” and that was it. Infuriated with the lack of service we received, the better half went to another veterinarian that was nearby. Even though there was really nothing that could be done with our cat (he died a few months later after putting up one hell of a fight against medical conditions that couldn’t be cured, and it wasn’t cancer), we were, and will be, forever grateful for the care he received. As much as I like this vet, her receptionist/customer service representative staff could use an overhaul. They’re not rude or anything like that, but God are they stupid. Our one cat Max needs a special brand of food that is not available with the brands offered to the public. Last Tuesday I placed an order for a bag of dry food, since his supply was running low. We were told that they would call us when the order arrived. Well, yesterday (one week later) I called to inquire about the status of our order, and I was told that it had been at the office for several days. I don’t think Max minded though, considering we were feeding him soft food for the previous few days when his kibble ran out, much to the chagrin of his brother and sister. It’s bad enough we have to feed Max in a separate room of the house because the other two cats always want to eat his specialized cat food, but when he’s getting specialized SOFT food it’s like a revolt is taking place in our house.
Oh, and back to the staff at this vet clinic. I had to wait 10 minutes for them to ring up my order of two bags of specialized formula and one bag of another brand of dry cat food. These people couldn’t figure out how to ring up the price. And, yes, I do keep track of how long I’m waiting to pay for a bill at this place. I don’t get mad by having to wait; it’s just something to do to pass the time away. Another observation about this place: just about every cat that is brought in for examination is quiet and well behaved. When one of my three are in their carrier, which is big enough for a medium-sized dog, they never shut up on the way there, during the examination, and on the way home.
• And now time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this): Some lady says that her husband was told by a friend of his to put a note in the back pocket of his jeans that were going to be washed. That way the wife will pull it out while searching through the pockets before they went into the washing machine and read it. Well this stupid idea actually worked, and the guy wrote that he didn’t know if this marriage would last. The reason? Due to the wife’s lack of sexual desire.
8:45 p.m.
• So today was spent away from work because I had eight vacation days to use up by year’s end, and now that number is seven. One thing the better half and I decided to do (since she took off work as well) was to take our second car in for its annual emission/inspection. Now this piece of shit is an ’88 Corsica and my niece and nephew in-laws affectionately call it “crappy the white car.” Seriously, this thing looks like it’s on its last leg (or wheel, as the case may be), but it still moves around with no problem whenever we have to take it out of the garage. Well, we got a call from the auto place that said Crappy needs a lot of work to it. When I heard the estimate I said, “we’ll pick it up.”
Now I know dick when it comes to automobiles, and I make no bones about my lack of knowledge on the subject. When I told Mrs. kkk what they said needed replaced, she was flipping out because she claims Crappy doesn’t have any of those problems. Whatever. We’re going to get her brother, a mechanic, to look Crappy over and take the car to another place for inspection where the standards are so high as the place we took the car prior. (The father-in-law said that the guy who looked over Crappy is new and extremely anal-retentive.) What was pissing the better half off was that she things the mechanic was trying to rip us off because most of the things wrong with Crappy deal with emissions, which this car is exempt from because it was driven less than 5,000 miles in the last year. Now I don’t mind getting ripped off by the mechanic. Sure, charge me an extra $50 for this or replace a widget that didn’t need fixing for $75. I don’t now the difference. I will say this however – I better not have to come back to your business to re-fix the problem. That’s when the trouble will begin and I become an asshole. Otherwise, my theory on this matter is don’t fuck with someone who has easy access to your car’s brake line.
I finally got Mrs. kkk settled down when I told her that at least now we know this mechanic is a likely swindler and that it’s better to know this now than when any big-time work was to be done on the Crappy or the other car in the kkk household (a 2003 Cavalier) and we could have really been taken to the cleaners. Speaking of money, we went out shopping today and while at the mall the better half went into some over-priced shampoo/soap store where she buys that kind of stuff chicks like to get. Problem was nothing was on sale and she left empty-handed. As we were walking she muttered to me, “I can’t believe I went in there and didn’t buy anything because nothing was on sale. See your influence on me?” I couldn’t be more proud. Interesting, I’m a Jew when it comes to 99 percent of financial matters but more than willing to get ripped off at the mechanic’s shop. Call me a hypocrite if you want, but my reasoning for this is while I can shop around for a multitude of items and sales, when it comes to auto trouble I want a place I can trust to get the job done. If that means I pay a few dollars more because they want to replace lug nuts or something, then so be it. I guess I’ve seen too many assholes at car repair shops flipping out over the price of brakes or mufflers. Dude, if you don’t like the price, then do it yourself or take your business elsewhere and let me read my in-store magazine in peace.
While I’m on this subject, I’ve had more than once mechanic compliment me on my manners over the years regarding my patience and understanding with car maintenance. One time my car needed some work done to it (a couple hundred dollars) and the mechanic was literally bracing himself for my sure-to-be angry reaction. I just said, “OK, just do whatever.” He was shocked that I didn’t go, “YOU MEAN TO TELL ME IT’LL COST THAT MUCH!?!? RAWWWWWWWWWR!” Did I get ripped off? I have no idea. But I’ve never had to take the car in to get it fixed since regarding that problem.
Like I said in yesterday’s entry, I was getting ready for my first “real job” interview… aw sonofabitch. The NFL has some hippie Thursday night game. I guess tonight’s entry is time for this week’s pickkks.
Baltimore at Cincinnati (3.5)
I think Cincinnati will be up more for this game. In addition, the Bengals need this win more than the Ravens. However, I’ll take my chances with the underdog Ravens in this one.
Arizona at St. Louis (6.5)
Both teams have been stinking up the place as of late. The only reason I’m taking the Cardinals is that six-and-a-half point spread.
Atlanta at Washington (1.5)
Hmm. The Falcons are on the decline and the Redskins are … well, I have no idea. I might as well go with the devil I know and guess that the Redskins won’t be as bad as the Falcons this week.
(4.5) Dallas at N.Y. Giants
There’s turmoil in the Big Apple and now the national sports media is talking about T.O. and the fact they haven’t had anything to talk about regarding him. Shit. I don’t know how to go at this one. Dallas has to lose sometime, but the Giants are in some trouble themselves. I’ll go with Dallas.
Detroit at New England (13.5)
New England favored by two touchdowns? Against Detroit? At home? This is a steal.
(7.5) Indianapolis at Tennessee
The Titans have been playing tough, but the Colts usually blowout their weaker division foes.
Jacksonville at Miami (2.5)
I’m picking the Dolphins just so they’ll lose and this talk about “wait until next year” will be aborted while still in an early trimester.
(5.5) Kansas City at Cleveland
The Chiefs will continue their playoff push, and unlike last year they just might finish the job this time.
Minnesota at Chicago (9.5)
Divisional opponent. Chicago will probably win, but I’m hoping Minnesota will keep it close.
(1.5) N.Y. Jets at Green Bay
Both teams have played better than expected. Even though they are on the road, I’ll go with the team that’s improved more this year.
(5.5) San Diego at Buffalo
At first I was going to go with the Bills, but then I thought otherwise because I then got the hunch that this was going to be a letdown game for them. Besides, five-and-a-half points on the road doesn’t seem too bad for San Diego.
San Francisco at New Orleans (7.5)
The 49ers have been playing good for the past month, but I’ll take the Saints, even with the spread.
Tampa Bay at Pittsburgh (7.5)
With some key injuries on the Steelers’ side of the ball, I’ll take the Buccaneers to either win or keep the game close. Besides, Tampa’s starting quarterback is from the Shittsburgh area; hey, if Roethlisberger gets hurt and Charlie Batch comes in that means two hometown products will be playing quarterback for each team in this one. Good for them.
Houston at Oakland (3.5)
Oakland’s been losing by close margins and now they’re favored. I’ll go with Houston.
Seattle at Denver (3.5)
Tough one here for me. It’s in Denver, but the Broncos are struggling a bit. I’ll take Seattle in this one.
(3.5) Carolina at Philadelphia
If McNabb was playing in this one I’d go with Philadelphia. However, he’s not. I’m not thrilled with the Panthers, but whenever Donovan went down last year so did his team.
8 p.m.
• Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.
And defense lawyers wonder why they're so hated.
Now why did I post all of that? To get to this.
4:15 p.m.
• You know, I don’t play golf, but there have been a few times in the past where I did my thing on a Par 3 course. And by “did my thing” I mean taking a dozen or so shots to get a ball in a hole in the ground. However, this golfing story brought back a childhood memory.
I was at a local Par 3 when I was about 12 or so years old with my old man and his live-in girlfriend at the time, along with some other people, I think. Now anytime I do anything with the old man, it almost always results in some stupid fight. Instead of just going out and having a good time, he always “coaches” me on how a professional would go about hitting a shot (or whatever it was we would be doing at the time). This time was no exception. Instead of just enjoying this time, every shot (or whiff) I made was awful/dreadful/a disgrace. Did I mention before that I have probably golfed a Par 3 a dozen times (20 max) in my life? Anyway, I was on this one hole and was on this slop just off the green. I hit the ball and instead of this being the shot of my life, the goddamn ball hit the pin and went in and out of the hole. Sonofabitch. Years later when I was living in Ohio, the old man took me to a driving range where I was being primed to be the next Tiger Woods. Of course I have no idea what the hell I’m doing, but that didn’t matter. What I found funny was that the old man was bitching because I was taking too long setting up the balls on the tee and hitting them (or at least attempting to make contact). When I attempted to explain to him that I was making sure my “form” wouldn’t make even a novice golfer cringe, he said, “when you’re out on the course you don’t have time to check your form.” Uh, OK. Hey, I’m not the one who purchased this bucket of golf balls, so I don’t care if I only hit them 10 feet. Memories.
• Why do I even watch ESPN? This morning when “Outside the Lines” was on, Bob Ley informed me that John Amaechi, that homo who came out of the closet just long enough to whore his book, has some endorsement deal (with a razor company I think), making him THE FIRST GAY ATHLETE WITH A MAJOR ENDORSEMENT DEAL, or something like that. It was such a retarded statement that even the better half looked up from her medicated semi-coma bout with the flu and commented, “oh who fucking cares already?”
Right after “Outside the Lines,” I had the Sports Reporters on, and I must say that as a kid I used to love this show. As I’ve gotten older, the hippie PC garbage I hear out of many of these so-called “experts” makes me roll my eyes. I’m not going to say it wasn’t like this during my youth because I may have just ignored it or something. Anyway, when Jeremy Schaap gave his “parting words” this week, he talked about how great the NCAA Tournament would be if all the players who could be playing college ball right now (Lebron James, some “Gay” guy from Uconn, etc.). Oh fuck you Jeremy. And what would happen if one of these pro-bound players would blow out a knee or rupture an ACL playing an amateur sport that could be fetching them millions of dollars on the open market? Would you write them a check to pay their mortgage? Oh boo-hoo, the March Madness Tournament isn’t as good as it could be. Get over it, douchebag. The games are exciting enough, and those with the ability to provide for their families are already out earning a living in the real world, something many commie college professors are unable to do and have to suck off the taxpayer’s teet. If a Lebron James really wants to get a college degree, he’s more than able to on his own time and on his own dime. So grin and bear it, Jeremy, and deal with the fact you won’t see James and Greg Oden on the same court sporting Ohio State University jerseys. Asshole.
8:30 p.m.
• Why do I do this to myself? That’s right, because it’s funny as hell. So I decided to turn on “Baseball Tonight” and lo’ and behold who do I see on JACKIE ROBINSON DAY?
and
Oh yeah, this will be good.
I don’t know what I found to be funnier: the game highlights I saw where ESPN showed which players were wearing #42 on JACKIE ROBINSON DAY, or the stat they had featuring “black firsts” in baseball. What caught my eye wasn’t who was first black player, or the first black manager, or the first black general manager, or the first black umpire. It was the first all-black starting lineup, which, according to ESPN, was the 1971 Pirates. Wait a second, wasn’t Roberto Clemente, a Latino, a starter on that team? Time to go to my on-line baseball encyclopedia for an answer.
Now what’s a dirty Latino player doing on a supposedly all-black lineup? (There were probably other Latinos on this team, but I don’t care.) You mean to tell me that in this one instance in honor of JACKIE ROBINSON DAY we’re lumping in black baseball players with Latinos? But yet in recent weeks I’ve had to hear about how there are only NINE PERCENT black ballplayers in Major League Baseball while disregarding the large amount of Latinos engaged in America’s National Pastime. So grouping blacks and other minorities when gathering baseball stats for a specific political agenda is bad every other day of the year except on JACKIE ROBINSON DAY? Gotcha. Oh my God: C.C. Sabathia had a good outing today and when Berman was talking with this player ESPN was showing his stats for the day, and on the line below this information it read, “on JACKIE ROBINSON DAY.” So it looked something like this:
IP 8, H 5, R 1, ER 1, BB 3, SO 10, HR 0, ERA 2.14
On JACKIE ROBINSON DAY
There’s a headline on MLB's home page that reads: “Sabathia does Jackie proud on special day.” Berman also used a similar line when the Twins’ Torii Hunter successfully slid into home. I’m surprised ESPN didn’t target those players who DIDN’T wear #42 today.
5:30 p.m.
• In a somewhat related story to this morning's entry, the people who live to the left of the rusty mailbox pictured below had their trash out on the curb Thursday for our Friday morning pickup. When I came home from work Thursday, I noticed their garbage can was knocked over, probably due to the high winds, and being the good neighbor that I am I went over to put it right-side up. It was then that I noticed they don't tie up their garbage bags that well, if at all. Upon further review, I realized that to them "garbage bag" means "plastic bag you get at the grocery store." What the fuck is wrong with people? Half the time my cats don't cover up their poop when they use the litter, but they're cats. Actually, Dessa and JJ often try to cover up their business by either clawing on the side of the litter box or by scratching the wall next to the litter boxes. And Max will use half the litter in one of their boxes to cover up his bathroom deposit, which means half of that litter used ends up on the floor. At least he tries.
8:30 a.m.
• Long story short. There’s this old guy who lives across the street from me. His wife died a few months ago, and due to health problems he has to use a walker. Because he’s unable to go out and get mail from his mailbox down by the edge of his yard, he arranged it with the post office so that a mailman (fuck using the term "postal carrier") would deliver it to the mailbox by his front door. Well of course several times already my mailbox has had letters addressed to this guy, but that’s not a big surprise. There have been times in the past where I’ve received letters from other people on the block in my mailbox, and my neighbors have received letters addressed to me in their mailboxes. Considering the amount of mail the post office deals with on a daily basis, I try to cut this organization some slack where I can (although there are a number of things that I do like to bitch about regarding this organization).
On Wednesday I normally receive some local discount publication called a PennySaver in my mailbox. For those that don’t know, a PennySaver is like one of those "free bargain circulars" you find at a grocery story or Wal-Mart where people can pimp their used goods for free or for a nominal fee. I don’t read this thing, but it always shows up in my mailbox on Wednesdays. This past Wednesday it didn’t. No biggie, I thought. Because Easter Sunday was a holiday, perhaps the post office is working a day late or something due to the volume of mail it got (it's happened before, and it's perfectly understandable). Besides, I normally don’t get anything in the mail on Wednesdays anyway besides that PennySaver. On Thursday there was no mail. OK, this is a little odd. Thursday is also a slow mail day, but to not get any letters asking me re-finance my mortgage for TWO DAYS in a row? Something’s fishy. Friday: Yep, no mail. Now something is up. I made plans to call the post office Monday and find out what’s going on; I’m not even going to try and sort this out with a person who’s working at the post office on a Saturday. Trust me, if you have an issue with your local mail provider, DO NOT put your hopes in the staff workers who are there on a Saturday. That's like going to a Quickie Mart in order to complain to the third-shift employee about the poor customer service you received earlier that day.
This morning, I asked the better half if we got any mail and she said “nope.” Great. When I went out to get my Sunday newspaper, I pick up the same publication for my other neighbor who is also unable to get her mail. (She’s the wife of the now deceased groundhog-killing neighbor.) As I went to get her paper to put it on her doorstep I figured what the hell and looked into the mailbox of this vacant house across from my residence to see if the mailman put my mail in this piece of shit.
Oh you got to be kidding me.
Not only was my mail in there from the past few days, but there were also several letters addressed to that old guy I talked about in the first paragraph of this entry. And this is what our tax money is going toward? Hell, these people want to INCREASE postage yet again in order to pay for their employee’s bloated salaries and health benefits. Now you might be thinking to yourself, “kkk, maybe all the mailboxes on your street look alike. Maybe someone stole your mail and put it there.” I’m squashing these possibilities right now. The numerals to my street address are “239.” I have lived at this place since 2004. My mailbox’s look and its location haven't changed during this time. Also, included in this stack of mail is another flyer-thingy that I get every Friday, which gets folded up a particular way so that it surrounds my other correspondence for that day, too. If someone would have went through my mail for that day, the flyer would have been all out of whack and I could have been able to tell that someone was looking through my stuff. Finally, a while back my groundhog-killing neighbors had trouble with their mail delivery and they were finding their postal correspondence in the same dilapidated mailbox. And just to show you the difference between where the mailman is supposed to deliver my mail and where this government worker actually ended up doing so, here is a picture of my mailbox.
I hope the “239” isn’t tough for you to find. I guess the fact there isn’t another mailbox next to mine because my neighbor is supposed to have his mail delivered to him at his doorstep is throwing off the government worker. Then again, it was the POST OFFICE who told my neighbor that if he wanted his "doorstep" service, then he would have to take down his curb-side mailbox. OK, now here’s the mailbox I found my most of my recent correspondence in, along with that of my semi-shut-in neighbor.
And they want us to pay, starting in May of this year, 41 cents for sending out a first-class letter.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 30: Lovecraft/Gary Floyd
He hates freedom, to be sure. But he also hates commies, which is a bigger plus than the former is a minus. He likes horror movies, too. Really likes them. Update your blog, hippie.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Black Lushus:
From Carnival:
6 p.m.
• Being a tireless A-Rod defender, I was a bit nervous when he popped out with the bases loaded early on in the season. However, it looks like he’s doing rather well for himself as of late.
If the Yankees reach the postseason, for his sake I hope Rodriguez can be money in October as he is in April.
• So NBC showed that Jap’s video. (Korean, Japanese, what’s the difference?)
If we really wanted to “understand” this nut, then his incoherent ramblings should have been aired uncensored (like my blog entries). But we can’t put this…
…anywhere NEAR a video camera or printing press. Whatever.
• Yeah, the story itself is dumb.
What makes me laugh is the patriotic scarf.
1 p.m.
• Remember that "pensis" ad I posted a while back? Well, this little gem paid a visit to my e-mail inbox just now.
KKK's Top 103 Posters List
Number 102: T®ITEC
I don’t see T®ITEC online all that much, which is odd considering Utah isn’t exactly a hotbed of social activity, unless you’re a Mormon with 10 wives and it’s “date night” at your compound. Anyway, I did have the fortune of speaking to her a few times on AIM, and she’s a nice enough gal. Because females are few and far between on places like Internet Message Boards, it’s always nice to get their perspective on relationship issues, and T®ITEC is no exception, considering her high kinky score and the offering of sage advice like “stop trying to fuck anything that talks to you, and aim a little higher.” Another plus is that she’s a cat person, which is never a bad thing. And she hates children, which is always a good thing. I still don't know how to type that hippie ® though -- thank God for "copy and paste."
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
• It’s been revealed that William Jefferson, Democrat, Louisiana, is on tape accepting bribe money or something. I guess this means in the next election he’ll win by a bigger margin than in previous campaigns.
• I normally don’t like Pardon The Interruption’s “5 Good Minutes” segment, but today’s interview with A.J. Pierzynski was great, especially when they started talking about Jay Mariotti and how he never frequents the White Sox locker room.
• Just heard on SportsCenter that the horse who broke his leg this past weekend is checking out the chick horses in his stable, which the vets said is a good sign. I say it doesn’t mean anything. Even when a man’s on his deathbed, he’s still going to check out his nurse’s cleavage.
• This is what is wrong with people – we’re too fat and lazy to check anything. For example, did you know that a 6.5-ounce serving of YoCrunch Low Fat yogurt with Nestle crunch candy pieces has 210 calories? Let me repeat that: a low fat yogurt with NESTLE CRUNCH CANDY PIECES. I get this brand of yogurt every now and then, but I treat this product more of a snack and know that this isn’t the greatest thing in the world for me. However, it could be worse, I could eat an entire Nestle Crunch bar.
• I’m going to defend Congress on this one. According to the article, “The House was to vote late Monday on the bill, which requires that state and local preparedness offices take into account pet owners, household pets and service animals when drawing up evacuation plans.” Being the owner of three cats, I’d make sure they have space on the rescue boat than many of the products I saw of our Great Society during Katrina. At least I know when I give Dessa, JJ, and Max shelter, food and water, they won’t end up stealing my television. Breaking it? Maybe. But not stealing it for crack or some bling.
As I was reading the comments from yesterday’s entry, I was suddenly getting flashbacks to my youth and all the hours I wasted playing video games. Bah, I actually don’t consider that time wasted. Going to school, doing homework, doing required community service in order to graduate high school – now that was a waste.
Although I had a decent variety of Sega Genesis games, I was mostly drawn to the sports-related genre. Below is a trip down memory lane featuring my favorite games of that era from the early-to-mid-1990s. I should note that there aren’t any baseball games below -- no offense to the baseball lovers out there.
#3 Lakers vs. Celtics and the NBA PLayoffs
It’s not the prettiest game out there, and the computer A.I. left something to be desired (my favorite “glitch” was with the Bulls and how Michael Jordan rarely took a shot). Also, you only got to pick from eight teams: Celtics, Pistons, 76ers, Bulls, Lakers, Suns, Spurs and Trailblazers. Despite all these flaws, if you had a few friends over, this was a fun game to play, or at least it was for me. The big feature in this game was the “signature move” one superstar on each team had. From Barkley’s gorilla dunk that started beyond the free-throw line to Magic’s no-look finger roll, these moves were the shizzle back in a time where the shizzle was not even a fizzle. Then there was the ultimate in cheese: the Tom Chambers double-pump dunk that you couldn’t stop no matter what. Next year's version (Bulls vs. Lakers) included more teams and an attempt at improved graphics, but there was something missing from that game which Lakers vs. Celtics had; God knows what it was, though. Oh, another thing I liked about the game was that everytime you scored the sideline coach would cheer, along with some players on the bench; if you missed a shot or turned the ball over, the coach would freak (hey, when it's 2 a.m. and you're running on fumes and Pepsi, a lot of things seem funny at the time).
#2 NHL ‘94
When Electronic Arts came out with NHL Hockey in the early 1990s, my neighborhood found a new favorite game to waste away on. Several of us had enjoyed the Nintendo Entertainment System’s Blades of Steel and that Ice Hockey game where you had teams consisting of fat, regular and thin players. But when NHL Hockey came out, this took hockey gaming to a new level for us. One thing I remember about this game was that for the longest time we thought the player whose jersey was “07” for the Los Angeles Kings was Luc Robitaille, when in fact it was someone else. (Thomas Sandstrom?) Anyway, the next year’s installment (NHL ’93) wasn’t as good and there were many days in which my friends and I chose to play the previous year’s version. However, when NHL ’94 came out, the first two NHL games were shelved forever. What made ’94 great was that it went back to game play more similar to NHL Hockey than NHL Hockey ’93. In addition, one-timers and penalty shots were introduced, there were more stats available for viewing, and players went on “hot” and “cold” streaks. But the greatest addition of all was being able to control your goalie. In the first two games there were certain type of shots that the A.I. goalie couldn’t stop no matter what, so whenever someone was lined up in a certain way it was pretty automatic that there was going to be a goal no matter what you tried to do on defense. That was no longer a concern with ’94; all you had to do was hold down the select button and you could be the Patrick Roy of your block. Out of all the sports games I played during my teen years, this by far the most competitive and exciting contests. Many games I engaged with other kids from my neighborhood in 2-1 or 4-3 affairs, and sometimes we actually had to take a break before playing the next game because we were emotionally spent.
#1 John Madden ‘93
A few years ago I went into an Electronics Boutique to purchase the newly released Madden ’03 game. Apparently, EB had teamed up with the ESPN brand of football games, and when I brought my purchase up to the counter, the clerk, who was wearing a 2k3 button, tried to change my mind about my choice of game. I responded by saying “Getting me to buy ESPN football over Madden would be like trying to get a four-time FDR voter to cast a ballot for Dewey in ’48.” For those that don’t follow political history, this line meant I have been raised on Madden football all my life and I will never switch brand loyalty (one of the few instances, along with Miracle Whip and Heinz Ketchup, that I will not use price or some other factor in my purchasing decision). I mentioned in a comment entry from yesterday’s thread that I had no desire to purchase Madden ’06, but that doesn’t mean I won’t ever purchase a future Madden game; it just means I’m content with the ’05 version. Anyway, my friends and I played our fair share of the original John Madden football game for the Genesis, which only had 16 unlicensed teams; let’s see if I can remember them all: In the NFC there was San Fran, Chicago, New York, Washington, Philadelphia, Minnesota, Los Angeles and Atlanta. In the AFC there was Miami, Buffalo, New England, Shittsburgh, Cincinnati, Houston (the Oilers, not the Texans, you youngins), Kansas City and Denver. The funny thing about these teams was that at the start of every game you could check out each franchise’s strengths and weaknesses. Now although they didn’t have specific athletes, each team was molded in its real-life counterpart. For example, although Philadelphia had a nasty defense and a really agile quarterback *coughRandallCunninghamcough* they had next-to-nothing when it came to receivers and running backs. And of course Denver had this certain “Golden-Armed Golden Boy.”
Anyway, after this game came Madden ’92, which featured every NFL team at the time. Although the graphics were better, much like my experiences mentioned above, there was something missing with this “new and improved” version. Thankfully, whatever it was missing Madden ’93 found. I can’t begin to count all the nights I spent beating my friends at this game. Sadly, although I enjoyed this game, a number of my acquaintances didn’t. So unlike NHL ’94, I had a much smaller pool of human competition to choose from. I can also say that I have never been defeated at this game. The last time I was “challenged” at this game was in ’95. My opponent picked Denver, and I went with one of my favorite teams for that game: the San Diego Chargers. The Bolts didn’t have a great quarterback or core of receivers, and their defense was so-so at best. What I loved about this team was that their trio of running backs was, collectively, the best in the game, and this enabled me to have a field day with my play selections. I was up by at least 21 come halftime, and the game was forfeited sometime early in the fourth quarter.
However, there was something else about this game that I remember. In Madden ’92 there was a new feature in which two players could play on the same team instead of playing against each other. This “teammates” function was in place for ’93, and the wording of this feature in the ’93 instruction booklet was the same as ’92, except for one paragraph at the end of its section. Here it is word-for-word: “When one player is dissatisified or upset with the play of his teammate, there is no need to argue. For example, if the player controlling the quarterback and the play-calling is making a lot of unwise decisions, both players should discuss the problems and come to an agreement – perhaps pause the game and decide together which play to run next. It’s okay to be angry, but don’t let your anger get the best of you, and never resort to violence.” I’m all but certain that this language was put into the ’93 guidebook because some soccer mom called to complain when her kids fought over this issue in the ’92 version of the game.
Another thing about Madden ’93 was that there was this “collector’s edition” which instead of having all current teams, went old-school and used more than 30 teams from the past, from the ’66 Packers to the ’90 Buffalo Bills. I paid nearly $100 for this game, and to this day I don’t regret the purchase because this was by far the most-played game I ever had for my Genesis. Also, the next year Madden football went to a new look and style; I never accepted these “improved” versions of Madden and it wasn't until the PS2 started producing games that I really felt the thrill of playing football on a video game console again.
So there you have it. Sure these three selections haven’t really stood the test of time, but there will always be a special place in my heart for this trio of games. And because I own PS2 versions of Madden ’05 and NHL ’06, with each of these games offering a “retro” option that allows me to play these games in a ’93 and ’94 look, respectively, I can always relive a bit of my younger days whenever I want.
• Steve Irwin has just died thanks to a stingray putting a barb through his chest. I always liked the Crocodile Hunter program, even though half the time the show was about a dozen guys lying down on a reptile as if it were a drunk hot chick at Mardi Gras. Too bad this attack didn’t happen to Jeff Corwin; last night I was watching some retarded “HUGE MONSTERS” show with him pretending dinosaurs or some other large extinct animals were chasing him. Christ was this show awful. I kept watching this piece of shit just for the sheer awfulness of it all.
• Speaking of trash, I saw one of Morgan Spurlock’s hippie “30 Days” episodes tonight. I wish Morgan would spend 30 days provoking stingrays in their natural habitat. OMG spending 30 days in jail sucks. No fucking shit, genius. That’s why you don’t BREAK THE LAW. I love it when some guilt-ridden do-gooder tries to tug at your heartstrings by producing something like this “30 Days” show and you end up spending 90 percent of the program either laughing out loud or saying, “And what exactly am I supposed to be feeling bad about, douche bag?”
• I don’t care about tennis, but God I loved how every ESPN pundit I paid attention to was predicting Agassi to beat this Becker hippie and go on to face Andy Roddick or other some guy I have never heard of before and will never hear of again. Andre, you had a great career. You made a buttload of cash. You seem to actually care about the human race. This makes you a better person than me. Now go and fuck Steffi Graf a whole bunch of times. Just don’t force your kids to play the sport you and your wife succeeded in for all those years.
• Michael Caine isn't happy with today's films. Here’s an excerpt from the article I linked to:
I’m not a Caine-hater or anything like that, but should someone who played a prominent role in…
…be in any kind of position to comment on the awfulness of Hollywood?
• And finally, what the hell is wrong with people?
And here is a picture of this raucous crowd.
Oh well, at least these people can probably point out Pluto on a chart of our solar system. That’s better than those pseudo-hippies who protest child labor conditions in some Asian or South American shoe factory but can’t find the country they’re bitching about on a map.
8:45 p.m.
• For as much as I want to goof on Joe Pa and Sappy Valley, I must say I’m impressed.
At least he didn’t blame the brake pedal for making his vehicle go twice as fast as it plowed into a car/pole/building. I saw him once while living in this shit hole. I was at an ATM machine and he was walking buy. Some guy said something to him and when he replied I turned and saw him. Uh, yay and stuff.
• So I finally got around to seeing “Wishmaster 2.” I liked it, especially with that goofy white guy being the “costume” for the bad guy. Please note I liked it due to the sheer awfulness of the whole thing. God, I have so many bad horror movies saved up on my DVR it’s not even funny. But do know what was funny? This.
“The South Will Rise Again.”
And sometimes, the IMDB reviews are funnier than any script out there.
7:30 p.m.
• So on Easter Sunday it was off to the in-laws for lunch/dinner/whatever the hell they did this year. The brother-in-law and his family made their usual trip and it’s funny to observe their kids as they are getting older. However, they (or at least the niece) are still kids in some respects – especially when my mother-in-law made some crack about her cat and how he started getting fat years ago after the vet “chopped his balls off.” The niece then asks, “what’s balls?” OK, I’ll be remembering that one for a while.
• Opening Day was just played?
Well, with that little reminder, it’s time to go up TSM’s resident baseball guru for another round of who knows more about the current state of America’s National Pastime.
Here’s that other person’s selections.
Time for Al kkk-eiper to do his thing:
Baltimore Orioles 66.0 – Over
Florida Marlins 69.0 – Under
Pittsburgh Pirates 70.0 – Over(!)
Kansas City Royals 71.0 – Over
Washington Nationals 72.0 – Over
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 73.0 – Over
San Francisco Giants 73.0 – Under
Oakland Athletics 74.0 – Under
Texas Rangers 75.5 – Under
Minnesota Twins 75.5 – Under
Houston Astros 76.0 – Under
Chicago White Sox 77.0 – Under
Cincinnati Reds 79.0 – Under
St. Louis Cardinals 80.0 – Under
Colorado Rockies 83.0 – Over
San Diego Padres 84.5 – Under
Seattle Mariners 85.0 – Over
Milwaukee Brewers 85.0 – Under
Toronto Blue Jays 85.5 – Over
Arizona Diamondbacks 86.0 – Over
Los Angeles Dodgers 86.5 – Under
Philadelphia Phillies 86.5 – Under
Atlanta Braves 87.0 – Under
Chicago Cubs 89.0 – Under
Cleveland Indians 89.5 – Over
Los Angeles Angels 92.5 – Under
Detroit Tigers 93.0 – Under
New York Yankees 93.5 – Under
New York Mets 94.0 – Under
Boston Red Sox 94.5 – Under
OK, now it’s time to see how the standings will look like:
NL EAST
New York Mets 94.0 – Under
Atlanta Braves 87.0 – Under
Philadelphia Phillies 86.5 – Under
Washington Nationals 72.0 – Over
Florida Marlins 69.0 – Under
NL CENTRAL
Chicago Cubs 89.0 – Under
Milwaukee Brewers 85.0 – Under
St. Louis Cardinals 80.0 – Under
Cincinnati Reds 79.0 – Under
Houston Astros 76.0 – Under
Pittsburgh Pirates 70.0 – Over
NL WEST
Arizona Diamondbacks 86.0 – Over
Los Angeles Dodgers 86.5 – Under
Colorado Rockies 83.0 – Over
San Diego Padres 84.5 – Under
San Francisco Giants 73.0 – Under
AL EAST
Boston Red Sox 94.5 – Under
New York Yankees 93.5 – Under
Toronto Blue Jays 85.5 – Over
Tampa Bay Devil Rays 73.0 – Over
Baltimore Orioles 66.0 – Over
AL CENTRAL
Cleveland Indians 89.5 – Over
Detroit Tigers 93.0 – Under
Chicago White Sox 77.0 – Under
Minnesota Twins 75.5 – Under
Kansas City Royals 71.0 – Over
AL WEST
Los Angeles Angels 92.5 – Under
Seattle Mariners 85.0 – Over
Texas Rangers 75.5 – Under
Oakland Athletics 74.0 – Under
O’righty then. And wtf is up with those “.5” over/under spreads? Only an asshole would do something like that.
Utah/Boise State isn't my dream matchup for the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP, but when you play a REGULAR SEASON TOURNAMENT you never know what can happen each week. Great system there.
7 a.m.
• So I was doing some YouTube research for my "Askkking You" thread at the other place, and I took a trip down memory lane with the remix of Craig Mack's "Flava in Your Ear."
Then I saw one of the comments to this video.
This was released in '94-'95. It's not OLD SKOOL! I was in COLLEGE at the time!
Then again, when I was 8 years old, Run DMC's Rock Box came out and I consider that OLD SKOOL. And at the time I'm sure someone who grew up listening to Parliament-Funkadelic wondered what this shit was that those three rappers from Queens were doing. Looks like I may have edit my response to "Name an event which made you think, 'Fuck, I'm getting older.'"
