KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 57: El Santiaco
I know El mostly for his insight on movies and other entertainment-related material. Although I didn't care much for Donnie Darko, (the best part of the film for me was the line "I'm voting Dukakis"), he also likes Knight Rider and Hellboy in all of their check-your-brain-at-the-door goodness. In addition, we both agree that the best zombie is a slow-moving zombie. Speaking of zombie movies, I still don't get all the love for Shaun of the Dead. I bought it (on sale, of course) and laughed at a few parts, but that was about it. I guess you really have to be into the zombie genre in order to fully appreciate this movie. (I'm sure the same could be said about me and my love for "Don't be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood.")
• If you read yesterday’s entry, you probably caught the babble Psycho Princess and nl-asshole spewed out in regards to Mrs. kkk mowing the lawn instead of me performing this tedious chore. The shock. The horror. The outrage. This got me the thinking about other around-the-house duties the better half and I perform and who does what in this union of wedded bliss. Fifty-plus years ago the husband in a marriage was supposed to go out and bring home the bacon while the wife would cook, clean and take care of the kids. Fast-forward to 2006; this sort of role-playing is extinct for many households. What does the job arrangement look like at the kkk manor? Let’s take a gander.
When Mrs. kkk and I bought our little slice of the American dream, we came to an agreement that I would mow the lawn while she trimmed the edges of our property with the weed whacker. This way one person wouldn't spend an entire afternoon doing yardwork. The funny thing is for as much as I suck at weed whacking, I think she is even worse. Before she broke the first weed whacker by putting the wrong kind of fuel into its tank, she managed to strike me with that wire shit that actually does the cutting. (I could also mention the time she got pissed off and kicked the weed whacker across the back yard because it wouldn't start. Wait a second, I just did.) Because she probably weed whacks once for every six or seven times I mow the lawn, she’ll surprise me every now and then if she has a day off and feels motivated to romp around outside for a few hours.
There’s something else we agreed upon regarding outside work, and that involved planting flowers and other hippie shit. Basically the rule is I want no part of doing this. I don’t care what she does in regards to planting trees or removing shrubs. All I ask is that she not set fire to the property, hit a gas line, or do something that will require us to file a home owner’s insurance claim. When there’s a sizeable job that needs to be done, she’ll call on me to do the heavy lifting. Well, maybe not heavy. More like medium lifting. Take for example one of her summer’s big projects: removing two dozen cement blocks and several dozen bricks the previous owners had half-buried throughout the front and back yard. What is Mrs. kkk planning to do upon removal of these heavy slabs? I have no idea. All I know is that these blocks were a real bitch to transport. On the bright side at least we didn’t have to worry about hauling them beyond out driveway due to the fact her one boss took them for some project he was working on in his yard; one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
Other fun duties we share include raking the leaves that fall from our one backyard tree every autumn season. We also take turns shoveling snow in the wintertime. Why do we take turns with the snow? Because each of us can’t stand the way the other person shovels. I prefer to start in the middle of the drive way and shovel “width-wise” in both directions, stacking snow on each of the driveway’s edges. Mrs. kkk prefers to just shovel in one direction and scoop all the snow off to one side. There are other duties that for one reason or another each of us exclusively performs. If there is a hornet's nest that needs gassed, she takes pleasure in destroying it; however, should there be a dead bird that flew into our back porch’s screen, I am the one who buries the carcass.
Well, that about covers all the work we do in regards the house's exterior. Tomorrow we'll see what each of us does indoors.
• So I bought three $25 Target gift cards for my half-brother’s three kids. Long story short: He lives in Nebraska and is a doctor. He got divorced because his ex-wife is a psycho and I rarely talk to him. Not because I hate him, but he’s a DOCTOR with THREE KIDS. There’s more important things to do in life than call your little half-brother to talk about the Steelers/Pirates/Penguins. In fact, he was a groomsman at my wedding, and he’s one of the few people in my family that graduated an educational institution other than high school. Well, the better half and I bought these gift cards about two weeks ago, but as of yesterday morning they weren’t mailed out. Why is that? Because Mrs. kkk wants to put each one of them in a f’n gift box. Like my brother’s two kids that are 7-8 years old are going to give a shit. But no, we just have to have them in boxes. Well the better half went out this past weekend to the local dollar store to get these stupid boxes. Then she discovered that these boxes, when opened, were filled with mold and this brown shit. Did she take that as an omen that maybe gift boxes might not be necessary in this instance of gift-giving? Of course not. She went to several other stores to find these gift boxes, but nobody had what she was seeking. So yesterday afternoon she began to CRY because this holiday season wasn’t going how she wanted it to be. Seemingly every day when she’s not at her second job she’s doing something with her mom/niece/etc., whether it’s holiday shopping, going to some Christmas school concert, or whatever. And what would happen if Mrs. kkk would actually turn down one of these Christmas concerts or trips to the mall? She would feel guilty. So when she goes to all these events/errands, this means she has no time to do what she really wants to do for the holidays – baking cookies, sending out cards, buying gift boxes for gift cards from Target, etc. The good news is that she finally relented about those stupid gift boxes, and I’m happy to report that I mailed an envelope with the three gift cards enclosed, and they are on their way to Omaha.
But the fun doesn’t stop there. A few days ago I made a reference to re-gifting a Blockbuster card for a co-worker at the better half’s workplace and was given a rude awakening about the policy Blockbuster has regarding gift cards. After going to a nearby Blockbuster to find out how much shelf life our gift card had left, I found out that there was only a few days remaining(!). After informing the better half of this, she went out and bought a much cheaper gift card for her co-worker. The reason she went down on the price is that she’s getting a bad vibe from this person. It’s one of those cases where this person isn’t showing up for work half the time, and in a way I’m actually proud of her because Mrs. kkk is one of those people who just want everyone to like her. Normally the better half would be bending over backwards for every co-worker, cashier clerk and nearby motorist to approve of her existence, but after her last job I think she’s starting to become a bit jaded with seeking approval from anyone not her mother. Yay, I guess. Oddly enough, I could give a rat’s ass what my family thinks of me, let alone strangers, so perhaps there is some truth to that whole “opposites attract” thing.
• The Denver Nuggets just got Allen Iverson from the 76ers.
Bob Ryan on PTI this afternoon echoed my thoughts about this transaction. Denver now has a nice little team with two great scorers, but they still aren’t going anywhere near the NBA finals. I must say that I’ve never had a problem with Iverson. The guy plays hard and never seemed to really have a strong supporting cast. Sure he likes to shoot the ball, but that’s what he’s supposed to do. I’m sure he’d be a bastard to coach and all that, but I don’t care. I remember watching some playoff games where he would get brutalized while driving the lane, yet he would get up and do it again next time down the court. Oh well, he’s financially set for life, so I really don’t give a shit where he plays.
• I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You get an adjustable rate mortgage/subprime loan and you deserve what you get. I’m supposed to feel sorry for these people? Fuck that. Go blame your woes on George W. Bush.
8 p.m.
• Looks like the winter season is over in my part of the country. This weekend was the first this year when the windows were opened throughout the house. I like the seasonal transition from winter to spring because it’s not too hot where the AC needs turned on and it’s not too cold so that the better half will bitch about being cold – well at least not bitch all that much. Too bad in a few months it’ll be hotter than shit. Then again, it beats snow so I’m not complaining. However, this weather means that pretty soon I’ll have to start mowing the lawn again. In addition, I’m going to have to rake the leaves in the backyard, too. The last two years I raked the leaves in the autumn right before the snow, but this past season I was sick and didn’t get around to doing so. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
• Payback is a bitch, mother fucker.
Wait a second.
Sonofabitch. It wasn’t Mike Nifong. Wow. Never thought I’d live to see the day where I feel sympathy for a defense lawyer. Then again, if I should ever get dragged into court I’ll probably be showering my Jew lawyer with praise.
• Awesome.
Why do I think this is funny? Because Middletown, Ohio, my former residence, is located in Butler County. Oddly enough, there is a Butler county in the southwestern Pennsylvania area, too. It's the county just above Allegheny county (which is where Shittsburgh is located). For those that don't know by now, my county is to the east of Allegheny. While I’m on the subject of Middletown, I remember this story from two years ago, and I don’t think I've mentioned it here before.
During my limited time living in Middletown, I never had a problem with the local tax people. Actually, I’ve never had a problem with any local tax people anywhere I have lived. Well, last year my local tax man didn’t cash my April check until the end of May, but whatever. It's local government.
8:30 p.m.
This is why I hate applying for jobs.
I get on-line and have to fill out some hippie application. Why in the hell does anyone want to know where I've lived for the past 10 years is beyond me, but I digress. I play this stupid game and spend nearly two hours filling out all this retarded shit. So what happens after I've completed all the forms/questions/etc.? The goddamn form doesn't submit! I should stop here and not mention that I printed out all this information before submitting so I don't have to re-hash all the places I've lived/worked since 1997, but that's not the point. Well, yes it is, considering I'll probably have to re-type all this shit in again.
6:30 p.m.
OK, now this is a bit creepy.
"Jug"?
6 p.m.
• If you’ve watched ESPN anytime in the last few days, chances are you’ve seen
I admit, the “grenade” toss made me laugh.
• I don’t know why anyone would rip on Gary Sheffield. I agree with him wholeheartedly.
If American businesses want to hire illegals because they work hard and don’t bitch, then why should it be any different in baseball? LOL, and Michael Wilbon is defending Gary on PTI just as I’m typing this. Now that’s a shocker.
• Roger Clemens is not pitching tonight due to a sleepy groin, and I heard on the radio today that he will possibly start later this week against the Pirates. Great move, Yankees. Let the Rocket tune up one more time with a minor-league team before facing professional lineups.
Actually, I shouldn’t be too hard on the Pirates. They have the same win total as the Bronx Bombers. Sadly enough, last week a local newspaper ran this story:
7 a.m.
• So Billy Donovan is going back to the University of Florida.
I guess it's better than deciding not wanting to coach professional ball after game number 42 of next year's NBA regular season.
With all the shit that is going down in the world – Arabs at the ports, Cheney shooting friends, Bush showing he doesn’t care about black people by, well, doing anything – it’s nice to read a feel-good story of some commie high school teacher helping his students learn by comparing Bush to HITLER and getting recorded by a student. Having listened to a number of clips of this idiot on RIGHT-WING RADIO, it makes me regret not having any pinkos trying to indoctrinate me when I was a teen. Well, there might have been but I was too busy either trying to snooze or stare at the chick in front of me. (I always preferred to oogle a chick that was in front and to the left of me. That way not only could you look at her leg/thigh region, but also you would get a nice side view of the rack.)
I hope I don’t sound like a terrorist, but not all of this teacher’s ranting seemed unhinged. For example, there was something about terrorists seeing the World Trade Center as a military target. OK, I’ll go with this. After all, we’re talking about 40-virgin-afterlife-loving psychos; why not try to see things from their perspective? However, the problem with this nimrod in the classroom was that there was no self-counterbalance to his loony assertions. Oh, yeah. IT WAS ALSO A GEOGRAPHY CLASS. I at least hope he was pointing to the proper country when telling these kids why it would be OK for China to bomb us since we were shipping cigarettes to that country.
If this sort of thing goes on in this school’s geography class, I’d love to see the math curriculum. “OK class, if Bush kills 100,400 innocent Iraqis, and Halliburton’s stock rises 4 points because of it, how many civilians had to be murdered so the stock price could jump 2.5 points?”
I can’t wait to hear this guy’s defenders say that now there is a “chill wind in the air,” and educators are more fearful than ever about having the academic freedom to teach our youth. If it hasn’t happened already, I’m sure it will by early next week.
When I think back to my high school days, I’m pretty sure a number of my teachers were liberal. There was one in particular named Mrs. Dickensheets (yes, that was her real name) who I’m all but sure was a lefty. She told us how Oliver North’s false testimony at the Iran-Contra hearings was exposed because of basic math, or something like that. I don’t remember the specifics because I didn’t pay that much attention to this woman; not because I was a RIGHT-WING EXTREMIST, but rather because I was a teen-ager.
The highlight of my interaction with Mrs. Dickensheets was when I was a junior in high school. I had a math class with her, and one morning all 11th graders had to have an assembly to go over how to pay for our senior prom. It had always been the tradition of every senior class to pass on the debt to the class after them, but now the administration was getting tough with this, which meant our class needed to come up with a way of paying for our prom. Well, we were supposed to sell these retarded Pizza Hut coupon cards; it went something like if a person bought five pizzas and showed this card, then their next pizza was free. Also, whoever sold the most cards won some gay prize; I can’t remember what it was.
After the assembly ended I hung out with a few of my friends in the cafeteria and didn’t get back to class until about 20 minutes after every other junior in my math class returned. This of course gave Mrs. Dickensheets the perfect opportunity to harass me for my . She began asking me what the assembly was about, and said something about having to sell these stupid cards because we couldn’t freeload our prom costs onto the grade below us. She then said something that I didn’t take too kindly to and made a smart-ass remark – probably something like “I don’t care about this stupid contest.” When she asked why I didn’t want to be the person who sold the most cards and win the gay prize being offered, I responded, “Why bother when someone’s dad will force everyone in the building he works at to buy 20 cards each? Besides, I’m not even going to this stupid prom, so why should I give a crap about how it gets paid off.” After a rather extended pause from Mrs. Dickensheets, she went back to the blackboard and left me alone.
There were a few other liberal teachers, but I never got the “time to brainwash the students” vibe from them, although a few didn’t like me for other reasons, which I’m sure I’ll explain why in due time.
• The Miami Heat made it to the NBA Finals for the first time in franchise history. Now I thought Pat Riley pulled a bitch move by kicking out Stan Van Gundy as Heat head coach last year, but in the end it got the team to where they wanted to be, so unless you’re last name begins with a "G" and rhymes with “Undy,” there’s nothing much else you can say.
• I tend to bring up some not-so-flattering sides of the better half on occasion (see my “Cost of Relationship” entry), but I also like to point out the good instances. Friday was her last day at a job she hated because her cunt boss has made work for her a living hell for the last year or so. When conducting her exit interview with human resources yesterday, she handed over a six-page, 3,750-word letter on the unprofessional conduct her supervisor demonstrated during her time at the job. It really was a thing of beauty. I told Mrs. kkk for months to compose something like this, but she didn’t want to, mostly because she likes to avoid conflict whenever possible at her places of employment. Well, that all came to a screeching halt a few months ago when her bitch boss wrote her up for “excessive absenteeism.” Of course, by “excessive absenteeism,” she meant using the excess hours she had worked the week before to take a day off. This fired her up so much I couldn’t get her to stop documenting and outlining all the inappropriate things her boss had done since October of 1993. After I put my finishing touches on the letter, it went to the HR department, which is where it will probably wither on the vine. After all, the only people more worthless than a company’s marketing division are its human resource employees. But even if nothing is done about this, this was a nice stress-reliever for the better half as she left this shit hole of a job.
• I guess God is getting sick and tired of hearing Pat Robertson predict upcoming natural disasters upon the infidels of this world. Who can blame him? (Or her, whatever the deity's case may be.)
• Oh, bullshit. This guy gets cleared of rape/kidnapping charges and is freed from prison after 14 years and says after being awarded a $14+ million settlement that it “wasn’t about the money?” Like hell it wasn’t. This brought up an interesting thought though – would you want to be wrongly convicted of a crime and spent a dozen or so years in jail only to be cleared of any wrongdoing thanks to DNA evidence if it meant getting a $10+ million payday? I don’t know how to respond to this. After all, you would have lost a decade or so of your life, but that only means the rest of your life will be set, providing you don’t spend your cash settlement on hookers and booze within the first month.
7 p.m.
• Oh for Christ's sake, they're going to be dead soon anyway. Let them enjoy their snacks.
“No, Mrs. Johnson. Don’t eat that pastry – we want you to live another 10 years just so we can change that many more diapers.”
Funny story: whenever my grandma was still alive (dad's side) and still had her wits about her, my old man would always sneak candy in for her. Hell, she had no teeth -- a piece of chocolate would keep her busy for hours.
12:30 p.m.
• More wedded bliss. It’s getting to be that time of year when the air conditioner and windows alternate. If it’s humid out, the AC comes on. If no, then we open all the windows. One problem is if the windows are open overnight, it could get hella cold in the morning, much to the chagrin of Mrs. kkk. When it gets time for bed, she always tells me to close the windows to the second floor of our house. I don’t know how this equates into a cold house, but whatever. Anyway, she bitched about it being cold this morning and that I didn’t close the upstairs windows (I didn’t). I then commented to her that our two bedroom windows were wide open. Surely THAT could have contributed somewhat to our chilly living quarters.
• Oh God. James Brown on the CBS pre-game NFL show just did this mini-editorial about how we all don't know what it's like to be Donovan McNabb until we've walked a mile in his shoes, or some shit like that. He added something about having an open dialogue with this shit. You all should know my opinion on this matter by now, so it's not worth rehashing it again.
• Speaking of racial harmony.
kkk’s Top 103 Posters
Number 4: MikeSC
Well it was only a matter of time before Mike showed up, and for those of you that ventured into the Current Events folder in its heyday you will probably never look at a Michael from South Carolina the same way ever again. Honestly, there’s really no way I can convey to a n00b what Mike was like. But let me try nevertheless. If you had anything negative to say about Republicans, then Mike would counter your take. If you tried to counter Mike’s response, he’d counter your counter. Try to counter the counter to the counter? Yep, he’d counter. Want my advice? Don’t try to get the last word on Mike. Yet so many people fell into this trap. If I could sum up Mike’s tenure here, my first thought: Pope smoke. My second thought? CE Hall of Morons. Then there was the phone incident. Oh, the phone incident.
Here is the common template for a MikeSC thread. Start out by giving a vague thread title. Have it involve an easy target. Then let the flaming begin. Man were those some good times. Ever since his banning, I’ve stopped going into CE threads that were created after his forced exodus. Of course, what resulted from this debautury was a new message board that’s been in place for more than two years. Of course, Mike rarely ventures over there, but that’s besides the point.
Mike, you’ll always be my n*gga, and piss on the whiny bitches who bitched about his Current Events (and other folder) tomfoolery.
And just think, I didn't even bring up Mike's exchanges with Ripper -- TSM's own ebony and ivory.
9:15 p.m.
• Well I just had a “God damnit, why couldn’t I think of this 10 minutes prior?” moment. Years ago, the idiot boss declared that me and my co-worker who live two floors away from the rest of the office were REQUIRED to call our receptionist (I’ll call her Jane) whenever we leave the building. Well, today the idiot was trying to call my co-worker but he had left the office a few minutes before. After several attempts he then calls me and asks if my co-worker is there. I said I don’t think so and that I’m pretty sure he walked out a few minutes ago. He then asked, “Well did he leave the building?” N*gga I don’t know. Am I his secretary now? My co-worker then returned and told him the idiot is looking for him. A few minutes later I thought why didn’t I respond by saying “I don’t know if he left the building – why don’t you ask Jane if he left because that’s what we were told to do by you.” Oh, yeah, well I had sex with your wife~!
9:30 p.m.
• Great. So the better half and I did something today that I knew was going to be trouble. With her being knocked up it was time to go to the pregger store for maternity clothes. Three shirts, two pants and two bras. Ugh. Oh well, at least they were on sale. And I finally got to find Glenn Beck’s “An Inconvenient Book” and some “100,000+ Baby Name” publication at the local book store for her b-day tomorrow. Maybe now she’ll finally find a name she likes that’s not from “Lord of the Rings.”
Over the years the TSM community has been an interesting bunch. While many of us bicker and type things to each other that we definitely probably perhaps wouldn’t say in a face-to-face encounter, enough time has passed as this place that we share memorable life experiences with each other. Births, weddings, passings. And even though TSM will never be mistaken for a bona fide support group, there are enough people at this place that will provide words of congratulations, encouragement and condolences at the right time. Then there are also enough of us to throw in an *unzips pants*, which although juvenile is also necessary. If not, how else would I be at 15,000+ posts?
How it all started
It was late one night and I was too awake to go to bed but I was too tired to actually do anything of importance. So I did what I normally do in this situation. I went on the Internet. I don’t remember what thread/blog I was reading at the time, but I do recall it involving some half-assed countdown of something or other. It was at that time I decided to do my own countdown. A countdown that has never been done before. But of what?
Well of my top 103 posters. For some reason, this thought jumped in my head and stayed there for just enough time for me to randomly type a number of posters that popped in and out of my memory. After a while I stopped typing names and realized I had an odd number of names. And of course EVERY list needs a safe, divisible amount, right? Wrong, hippie.
Well, exactly two years(?!) and 102 posters later, the moment of truth has come. Who is ranked #1? Rather than list the name at the start of this post, I will wait until the end. Click on the links if you want, but treat them as spoiler tags.
But first, let's see who has already been accounted for.
Number 103: Sideburnious
I think one reason I'm having some trouble coming up with a "favorite Sideburnious moment" is because he’s “TSM Invisible Poster.”
Number 102: T®ITEC
I still don't know how to type that hippie ® though -- thank God for "copy and paste."
Number 101: EricMM
I shouldn’t be too negative on Eric because I think he’s just a product of his environment (pun intended).
Number 100: Anorak
For some time we constantly name-called each other in a number of threads, but then something strange happened: we actually started to get along better.
Number 99: Jessie Ewiak
When he wasn’t explaining to members of the Conservative Brigade why the polls favored Kerry over Bush in ’04, he was wanking to one of the few elections Democrats did manage win that year.
Number 98: MD2020
Nothing really special to say about MD2020; he seemed like a nice enough chap when he was here.
Number 97: Reservior Kitty
The next poster on my list is really the cat’s meow – oh fuck you all, I’ve said worse.
Number 96: Chave
He has nice teeth, and for someone who lives across the Pond from me, that says a lot.
Number 95: Kotz
I’ve known him at TSM for years, and I’m still unsure if we get along or not.
Number 94: FrigidSoul
We teamed up and good times were had by all, especially when goofing on some kid's mom and her unsuccessful bout with cancer. You can’t brush aside moments like this just because someone went and deleted a message board.
Number 93: Smues
He makes fun of Barry Bonds and ESPN, along with Mikey Moore. You can't win me over any more than goofing on those three subjects.
Number 92: Swift Terror
When he got promoted to the management level I was at we got to know each other better during some projects our groups worked together on. Well, the people working under us worked; I spent most of my day posting at TSM, which eventually pulled in my co-worker, too.
Number 91: Paul Stanley
If he's been laid off already for making too much money, here's hoping he finds something that pays him more and has him working less.
Number 90: Masked Man of Mystery
He’s a Professional Otaku, and no list is complete without one of those.
Number 89: Olympic Slam
He’s more conservative than me yet lives in California.
Number 88: The Czech Republic
He’s extremely approachable on AIM and has answered every inquiry I have asked him through this medium, from explaining what exactly a “neocon” is to what parts of the Windy City and its surrounding areas support the Cubs and which areas support the White Sox.
Number 87: Latin Assasin
He may be Latino, but I'll still give him a pound, or whatever it is those black people do when greeting each other.
Number 86: JAxl Morrison
When he's not putting his sexual partner's life at risk by banging her while she still has a tampon inside of her, he's putting his own life at risk by getting it on with military wives.
Number 85: Ant 7000
He tries his hardest to answer that age-old question: "Why do black men go after fat white girls?"
Number 84: Crono T
When you're good enough to get the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson.
Number 83: BDC
He’s the unofficial ninja of the Conservative Brigade.
Number 82: Special K
What puts him at number 82 on my list is the phenomenon that was his “Hey everybody, I finally got laid" thread.
Number 81: Agent of Oblivion
Although he considered me the worst poster of 2004, can anyone really blame him for that?
Number 80: The Franchise
I don’t think he lives in one of the better neighborhoods across the Pond.
Number 79: Treble
You can't really blame the Office Glen for crashing my threads, considering I have derailed a few of his on occasion.
Number 78: Kahran Ramsus
When he signed up in my football contest last year, I got the pleasure of interacting with him more than when he just closes threads I help queer up.
Number 77: Sass
I always found Sass, during his time as a mod, to be a voice of reason in many instances.
Number 76: Your Paragon of Virtue
He's harmless enough when talking about current events, back when I used to do that sort of thing.
Number 75: Jingus
Jingus, along with a few other people, formed another message board, which a few of us still post at.
Number 74: Buffybeast
She loves her hosses and hates black people.
Number 73: Dr. Venkman
He has a good Avatar and named after a kick-ass movie character.
Number 72: The Thread Killer
I didn’t know much about this guy until he came out of the closet.
Number 71: NY Untouchable
I need to somehow make up for breaking his heart by voting against him in the first round of this year’s Poster Tournament.
Number 71: Cena’s Writer
He didn’t mind when I moved him from the Cards to the Saints during the off-season.
Number 69: Bob Barron
Bob is one of the more recognizable posters at this place. And how can he not be, considering he's had that hat longer than the Braves have been winning Division titles.
Number 68: Agent Bond34
I do feel for him when a few years ago he got banned by some mod because that person thought Agent was a previously banned poster (Mr. Zsasz).
Number 67: Slapnuts
Slapnuts isn’t too bad a guy, even though he will forever be remembered for a certain 77 words.
Number 66: Y2Jerk
One could rest assured that during spring of ’05 there would be a Y2Jerk/MikeSC clash of the day.
Number 65: Starvenger
He’s part of my football contest and had a tough year with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers last season thanks to a few close losses.
Number 64: UseTheSledgehammerUh
At one point he was even banned, but I’ve never had a problem with him.
Number 63: Mr. S£im Citrus
I actually see a lot of myself in Mr. S£im. Well except for that whole "serving your country" thing. Plus I'm white. Oh, and there's that whole kid issue.
Number 62: The Scotsman
I only spoke with him once via AIM, and that was just to give him a link to a news story about some kid with Downs Syndrome being elected Homecoming King in his school.
Number 61: 2Gold
Even Kotz likes him, and it’s in a non-sexual matter, too.
Number 60: Prime Time Andrew Doyle
He’s also been tempted to seek the services of a hooker right after his classes finish early, but he’s too cheap to pay the $140 for a half-hour of service.
Number 59: Fazzle
I remember seeing a picture of him surrounded by some cute chicks that were around his age. Good work.
Number 58: King PK
Goddamn do I love that Avatar.
Number 57: El Santiaco
We both agree that the best zombie is a slow-moving zombie.
Number 56: Canadian Guitarist
He works at Wal-Mart, and because he’s a self-professed hippie I can’t imagine he takes much joy in helping his employer take over the world.
Number 55: Bps21
When you have me going, “Wow. This guy is really jaded,” you know you're doing something right.
Number 54: Cobain was Murdered
He's had an interesting selection of jobs, from his stint as a rugged lumberjack to being able to go to town with a store's slurpee machine.
Number 53: Banky
I’ve grown to like Banky (or whatever he’s calling himself this week).
Number 52: The Max
He’s more than accommodating when you’re asking questions about NHL ’06.
Number 50 and 51: Darrylxlf/AndrewTS
I can never remember which one is which, and I stopped trying to remember because it's a chore enough not to forget other things in life like "first pants then your shoes."
Number 49: Mole
I generally despise the “college lifestyle” and believe most people who engage in it need to be taken out to an alley and shot.
Number 48: Hoff
I'm still sure he spent $10.39 in Eden Prairie, MN, on a hooker.
Number 47: Cuban Linx
He’s a founding member of my football contest.
Number 46: Marvin is a Lunatic
When a male virgin finally achieves penetration because it’ll only last 5-10 seconds. Yes, I am speaking from personal experience.
Number 45: Canadian Chick
Having seen Canadian Chick do wrestling moves, I’m quite certain that not only can she blend in as being one of the guys (at least on the days where she’s not ragging it) but she could also probably pummel many of us with snap suplexes, half-nelsons or whatever those things are.
Number 44: Vyce
Vyce and I have this special connection, and no it’s not because we spy on all the pre-teen girls in our neighborhoods.
Number 43: Anglesaut
I'm fairly certain that these kids knew that the fire boom-boom stick would cause boo-boos.
Number 42: Rob E. Dangerously
He threatened to extort me once because I posted something good about John Kerry a long time ago that said I might consider voting for him.
Number 41: Canadian Chris
His name is Chris, and he is from Canada.
Number 40: Alfdogg
He helped out during the most recent kkk Bowl IV season. In fact, I think he handled it better than me.
Number 39: Dames
Without Dames, we wouldn’t be here today showing fellow posters pictures that we like, bitching about the latest RAW broadcast or saying how much this place sucks.
Number 38: Stephen Joseph
I just wish I knew what he did for a living.
Number 37: AlwaysPissedOff
I don’t think I’ve ever seen him pissed off, or even slightly irritated for that matter.
Number 36: Vitamin X
V-X would rather live in an America that resembles the commie commune many of his people risk their lives trying to flee.
Number 35: Damaramu
While known for his sports-folder meltdowns whenever the Oklahoma Sooners lost a football game, I’ll remember him better as that journalism student who vigorously pursued his dream of writing athlete profiles and game recaps.
Number 34: Carnival
If you don’t know what a juggalo is, just be thankful and move on.
Number 33: Hawk 34
He’s been suspected of being the previously banned poster Choken One, I really don’t care.
Number 32: Hogan Made Wrestling
He doesn’t seem to care much for blogs, which makes me wonder what the hell he’s doing on this list in the first place.
Number 31: Meatwad
When it comes to smart-ass replies, you can’t beat my Meat.
Number 30: Lovecraft
He hates freedom, to be sure. But he also hates commies, which is a bigger plus than the former is a minus.
Number 29: Spaceman Spiff
At the other place he came out defending the Supreme Communists of the United States.
Number 28: Gert T
Whenever I speak of my time in Middletown, Ohio, he actually knows what I’m talking about.
Number 27: Porter
Porter has been more than accommodating on AIM whenever I’ve had a question (or seven) about MVP Baseball 2005.
Number 26: BX
Just because I disagree with 99.999999999 percent of what someone thinks regarding politics (and I’m still waiting for that 0.000000001 percent of something we agree on) doesn't mean I have to hate him for it.
Number 25: Flyboy
I liked the little bugger, in a master-likes-his-slave sort of way.
Number 24: Teke184/cop/whoever
Teke can also find me entertaining at times … wait a second, that was tekecop.
Number 23: Bored
I wound up getting sodomized by Kotz in the Meow Mix Pussy Bowl – oh, yeah, and Kotz correctly predicted more games during Bowl Week than I did.
Number 22: Danny Dubya
The eastern part of this state is so contaminated with Democrats that if Three Mile Island would have had a full meltdown it would improve the region.
Number 21: Cartman
He did some “Survivor” deal back in ’03. We've been around that long?
Number 20: Al Keiper
He patrols with a big stick. That’s wooden. And made in Louisville. Well, maybe not Lousville – I have no idea what with globalization and all.
Number 19: The Real World’s Champion
It’s hard to go wrong with someone that starts a thread titled: “ Mikey was at my school...” followed by “No word on if the gym collapsed.....”
Number 18: Bravesfan
Years back he had some pick 'em football contest and I think it eventually drove him mad.
Number 17: Wildbomb 4:20
Wildbomb finally caught on and realized that nobody at this place is going to significantly change his or her opinions because some faceless message board poster said something smart.
Number 16: Cerebus
He moved on to do stuff in the real world, such as make babies with his hot wife, teach and do other grown-up stuff that I’m still trying to stay away from.
Number 15: Slayer
He’s got enough common sense to stay away from liberal craziness, but at the same time he shakes his head whenever his red state of Kansas acts like … well, a red state.
Number 14: King of the 909
From reading the limited entries in his blog it doesn’t appear that royalty in a state filled with illegal aliens would be all that appealing.
Number 13: NoCal Mike
He’s one of the few left-wingers that I believe would vote for Ralph Nader.
Number 12: Bigolsmitty
What separates Smitty from most of the Marxists here is that he’s actually funny with his shtick. And by funny I don’t mean C-Bacon funny.
Number 11: sfaJack
If it weren’t for saps like sfa and myself getting up for work, paying taxes and keeping this economy humming, then Pedro wouldn’t be sneaking across the southern border to pick lettuce and Mohammad wouldn’t be sneaking across the northern border to blow up a commerce center.
Number 10: Jobber of the Week
If he would be as fiscally responsible in Congress as he says he is at TSM, then I wouldn’t mind if some of his treasonous ideas got through the cracks.
Number 9: Mr. Rant
Is it really necessary to put a "NSFW" warning to a thread titled "THIS COMPLETELY RUINS A GOOD CUM BATH?"
Number 8: Ripper
For the last time, black people don't tip.
Number 7: Vern Gagne
He's the Conservative Brigade member who loads the ammo inside the tank.
Number 6: Black Lushus
Mr. Lushus is from Nebraska, has legitimate children and works a full-time job, so what little street cred he had is long gone.
Number 5: Cancer Marney
She’s my goddess, not to mention protector -- if not from Abdul flying in coach with that fuse hanging out from his shoe, then from posters from across the pond.
Number 4: MikeSC
For those of you that ventured into the Current Events folder in its heyday you will probably never look at a Michael from South Carolina the same way ever again.
Number 3: nl5xsk1
For more than THREE YEARS I’ve been involved in a shootout of insults with someone because of a split-second thought and a few keystrokes.
Number 2: Dr. Tom
Reporting for duty, General.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 1: ???????
This selection may come as a surprise to some. Hell, this poster even once uttered one of my most hated lines of: “Can’t a cop/soldier just shoot someone in the leg instead of the chest so he doesn't get killed?” However, much like Padme when, with her final breath, said of her Jedi meat puppet, “there is good in him,” that is the same case with this poster – except for the gay sex and all that.
What got this poster so highly ranked? Well, for starters, he may hate his country, but he isn’t afraid to mock those who probably vote the same way he does in general elections. Also, CE vets may remember a few years ago back on April Fool’s Day a group of us deciding to post a mile in the other side’s shoes. Whose idea was it to do this? Mine, of course. But I needed a commie counterpart to pull this off, and this poster was more than happy to oblige. Then a few years later, after Eddie Guerrero passed away and the “You’re being serious” line became an instant classic, this same poster and I decided to spread the “_______ that make you think of Eddie Guerrero” threads to other folders.
Such as video games.
And movies.
And computers.
And books.
And porn.
And porn, again.
Was this dumb? Yeah. But was it funny? Well it seemed so at the time.
And while this poster hasn’t been around as often during W.'s second term than his first, the CE antics, along with a variety of other antics, made my final selection an easy choice. Besides, even though we were at opposite spectrums a few years ago (He's actually gotten quite conservative now that he's actually earning money and paying taxes, and Republicans have pissed me off quite a bit -- wait, does that mean the closer he got to the center was offset by my further tilt to the right because these so-called "small government" bitches in my Party have been anything but? Then again, I don't think I can get much more "conservative" because I don't consider myself much of a fundie, outside of the whole killing of the unborn. OK, now I'm really getting off track.), there are two things that will always unite message board posters: John Madden and porn. Err, let me rephrase that. How about the John Madden video game franchise and the porno industry? Yeah, that sounds better -- and it doesn't give "Boom! He's on his back!" a double meaning.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…
…Dr. Tyler; Captain America
FOR AMERICA!!1++one, indeed.
8 a.m.
• Wow, After years of finding the 382,234,672,236,190 worst things that you can do to a Muslim male, from having poorly positioned hospital beds to having pre-marital sex, I think I finally found something it has to be in the Top 10, if not higher.
No wonder they hate Western culture.
Man, it wasn't an easy choice to lead off with that joke when there's also a sure-fire "convert to Catholicism" crack to be had. Oh well, I made my joke. I'm standing by it.
8 p.m.
• I almost forgot. On the drive home from work today through pseudo-hippieville, I came across a bumper sticker that got a laugh out of me. "Frodo failed -- Bush got the Ring!"
7:30 p.m.
• In response to the comments going on from yesterday’s entry, here’s some advice to SFAJack: Just accept it the blue towels. The sooner you do, the better off you'll be. Don’t try to figure out the female species. It ain’t worth it. Believe me, I know what you’re going through. My life is filled with similar eye-rolling moments. The trick is to be selective in what you want to piss her off with. Take this afternoon while we were driving to the grocery store. Remember that March 10 wedding we’re going to? Here’s what she said during our drive.
Her: “It’s only one more week before we’re going to Ohio.”
Me: “What are you talking about.“
Her: “Only one more Saturday to go.”
Me: “Huh?”
Her: “What.”
Me: “We got more than two weeks to before the wedding.”
Her: “No we don’t.”
Me: “You’re insane.”
Her: “Well, this week’s almost over…”
Me: “IT’S TUESDAY!”
Her: “Yes, and just one more week.”
Me: “But that wedding is on the SATURDAY of the following week after your ‘one more week.’”
Her: “Nevermind. You don’t understand.”
Me: “You’re right. I don’t understand. There are EIGHTEEN DAYS BEFORE MARCH 10. How do you get one week from that?”
Her: “I hate you. I really hate you.”
Me: “Shut up ho.”
3 p.m.
• Wow. There's a 5-4 ruling on the Supreme Court, but check out who sided where.
7:30 a.m.
• Damn you George W. Bush. If these gas prices weren't so damn high, then maybe these people could afford their crack, thus not having to drive off, resulting in cutting the poor dealer in half. A dealer who was just trying to make ends meet in this economy. I wonder if you can sue a tax cut?
9:15 p.m.
• So I’m in a bit of a predicament. A week or so ago I got the James Bond DVDs – all four volumes – and finally got around to opening them up and checking them for quality and all that other stuff. I noticed that in two of the 20 disc cases that some of those little prong thingys are busted off and “Goldeneye” seems to have a noticeable ding. Now do I go back and get these discs exchanged? I don’t buy used DVDs because I don’t trust the viewing quality. CDs and video games are fine. If a used CD has a skipped track, then I just move to the next song. If a movie has a similar malfunction then the whole viewing experience is gone. However, this is America. The land of rugged individualism. It’s not like I didn’t actually pay retail price for these movies. Besides, I fast-forwarded through “Goldeneye” last night and everything was fine. I also moved the two discs from the busted prong holders and put each one on the other prong thingy in each disc case. I don’t really watch special features anyway, so if there was going to be any damage done it would be to those discs.
Now my biggest problem is to decide whether or not to watch these movies in chronological order or by the order in which they are place in each of these four volumes followed by “Casino Royals.” What a quandary. Good thing I don’t have anything else to fret about.
• Peep this.
What I find funny is the dateline to this story: Detroit. Then I read the next paragraph.
Woo-hoo – hometown representin’.
• I was flipping channels tonight and saw that I had the OMGFAUXBIGBIZNESSCHANNELLOL2007~! Whatever. Then I saw who was on -- my n*gga Dave Ramsey. I guess he does an hourlong show 8-9 p.m. Cool beans. I'm gonig to have to remember this is on.
Could you see these bureaucrats trying to tell Muslims or other freedom-haters that they can't burn Old Gloy due to pollution concerns?
7 p.m.
• So I was at work Tuesday when I heard a rustle up against a tree near my office. I had the window open, so the noise was loud enough force a turnaround and looksee. Turns out it was a groundhog. In the tree. As I watched him trying to stay on the branches, he got freaked out by my observing and ran back down to the ground. What was the reason? There was a cat eyeing him up. The groundhog then bolted across the street with the cat in pursuit. The funniest thing about all this? The groundhog was at least TWICE the size of the cat and could probably crush the kitty without a second thought. Oh well. Attitude plays more of a factor in intimidation than one would think.
• While unloading groceries yesterday I had ESPN on as background noise. And what did they have on? A THREE-HOUR special about the Lakers v Celtics. Good God. The games don't even last that long. Is this the basketball version of Yankees/Red Sox?
• Ha. Eminent Domain isn’t just for kicking some 90-year-old widow out of the home where she has lived for the past 70 years. Now Big Government is going after Big Business. Funny. This is like when the irresistible force meets the unmovable object.
• Might as well do some updates to my video gaming sports franchises. My hockey team is starting to turn itself around. I am now tied for eighth place in the Eastern Conference, and traded away Ryan Malone for Erik Cole, who is a much better defensive forward than Malone was. The good thing about this trade that now if I go up against a team whose first line has a “crash the net” strategy I put Cole in the first line to help defend against these hosses. If not, I usually put him on the second line and have Tomas Surovy up on the first line. For my football franchise, I was cruising along at 9-0 when I came across a game that I couldn’t play it because it would freeze up whenever loading. I noticed that if I play the Ravens in Week 15 during a season this bug happens. Now it looks like if the Browns are my Week 11 opponent, it will do the same. So, I simmed the week, and even though I won handedly, Alan Faneca is out for 9 weeks and James Farrior is out for the season. Yay.
My baseball franchise is a different matter because I’ve decided to not only play at the Major League Level, but also I’m playing all of the Pirates’ minor-league teams, even the Lynchburg Hillcats. The funny thing is I actually enjoy playing the minor-league games more because the players are prone to errors and such. I’m not sure how I’m going to go about adjusting sliders for more realistic game play; I adjust sliders after every season in Madden, and I’ll probably do the same for NHL ’06. However, I might just wait until the start of every calendar month to tweak the sliders for MVP ’05. Either way, I’m having some great games, albeit on the low-scoring side. But then again, not every game has to be an 11-10 slugfest. I was worried that I had the game set too easy at the Pro level, but after being swept by the Cubs (and getting shut out in the last two games by Wood and Prior) I think I’ll keep things right where they are.
• I don’t watch many first-run television shows on a regular basis. In fact, I stopped watching The Shield a few weeks into its latest season because I missed a few episodes and figured it’ll just be better to wait until it comes out on DVD and get it then. That’s what I did with Lost, and so far I’m almost three discs into the first season. I don’t think it’s as good as I heard some people say it is, but it was a worthwhile purchase nevertheless, especially since I got it during the Christmas season and for a great deal. I’m only several episodes into this season, but I already like Sawyer. For some reason I gravitate to the characters you’re supposed to hate. That was the case with me and the Dr. Romano character on ER. For the brief time I watched this show in the late 1990s-early ‘00s, the only reason I tuned in to watch this with the better half was to laugh at whatever politically incorrect, mean-spirited thing this guy had to say. It’s funny because other than Romano and that grumpy ex-cop-turned-receptionist, I didn’t give two shits about anyone on that show. In fact, I found just about everyone else on that show so dislikeable that I enjoyed seeing them wallow around in their own misery and self-pity. Like I said before, I haven’t seen all the episodes from season one of Lost, but is there a point to the hippie polar bears? A simple “yes” or “no” response will suffice.
5:45 p.m.
Some queer who used to play in the NBA has now admitted as such. OMG LET'S GIVE HIM A MEDAL~!!!
I bet he liked to drive HARD TO THE HOLE!!! I wonder who he POSTED UP!?!? Was he always out in front, or did he like to COME FROM BEHIND??? When he dunked, I bet he did a JOB on the RIM!!! Acutally, these retarded jokes would work for a guy who likes women, but you see ... he's GAY!!! Where was I going with this? I have no clue. Oh, yeah. He's gay. Big deal. And this interview will be aired on Valentine's Day ... wait a second, his book is called "Man in the Middle"? Now that's funny.
Maybe I'm being too hard on him. After all, with the jock culture I'm sure his life would have been a living hell with the fans, media and other players... huh huh huh, I said "hard on..."
3 p.m.
• That Karl Rove is a genius. What’s the best way to get your administration’s accusations of firing judges, or whatever that stupid “scandal” is about? Give your press spokesman cancer.
I didn't care too much for Tony when he sub-hosted for Rush all those years ago, but I didn't want him to get cancer for it.
8:15 a.m.
• OK, so I get oodles of male (and female) enhancement ads through my personal and work e-mail, along with letters from exiled African princes who offer me millions of dollars worth of inheritance loot for just a $5,000 loan. Anyway, I got this in my e-mail this morning, and, well …
4:15 p.m.
• Mother fucker. Going into the last game of the season, my NCAA 05 team loses 15-14 against eighth-ranked Penn State. So long faux-BcS national title shot. At least I made the Orange Bowl, so I won’t be getting fired. What killed me this game was that due to injury I only had three starting wide receivers, which really hurt my passing game. Two field goals could have been prevented, and I’m still trying to figure out how that touchdown pass with 42 seconds left got through my secondary. Oh well. It’s not like there’s an actual bona fide champion in Division I college football anyway. I’m just pissed that PSU beat me. Oh, and the game said this was the GREATEST FOOTBALL GAME OF ALL TIME afterward, or something like that. Well whoopie f’n doo.
9 a.m.
• I think what I find the funniest about this latest invasion article is that the Mexican government doesn’t even want this person over in their country.
8 p.m.
• So I talked about this show a while back, but tonight I actually got around to watching a few episodes. Oh. My. God.
But the best part was the eHarmony ads during the commercial break of a program which featured a bride with dentures and a groom who spells his beloved's name while peeing on the street.
• I found this in the "odd" story section, but I don't find it strange at all. In fact, I think it's a good idea.
I remember seeing a TV show that talked about this girl raising funds for the local police dogs to wear bullet-proof vests. Hey, these animals are many times the first to run into a skirmish so they should get protection. And if you think I'm being an animal-rights wacko, remember all the money spent training these K-9 cops and that some simple protection could mean the difference between several more years on the job and a quick trip to the big doghouse in the sky. Besides, many police dogs contribute more to society than the trash they're often urged to take down.
• That Karl Rove is a genius. Let’s face it Republicans, according to the polls, we aren’t doing so well, and the mid-term elections are only a few months away. So what does our Lord and Savior Jesus Rove do?
1) He gets a “moderate” Democrat by the name of Joe Lieberman to lose in his primary to this liberal who had the founder of the Daily Kos blog in his political commercials. Then he gets Lieberman to run as an Independent, and it’s quite possible that Joe can win in his state's general election.
2) Rove then gets a bunch of would-be terrorists (allegedly, of course) busted who wanted to blow up several airplanes that would be going from Britain to America. I’m sure Rove knows every time a terrorist boards a plane and uses focus groups to determine if it’s more beneficial for his boss if the plane turns into fiery wreckage or if Mohammad and friends get caught beforehand.
So not only does the Bush administration get to strike fear of an impending terrorist attack into the American public, but also Rove gets to expose the Democrat Party (even more than usual) as a bunch of pre-9/11 namby pambys with their heads buried in the sand regarding Muslims who want to chop our heads off. As an added bonus, if Lieberman wins as an Independent this means that the Democrats will have one less body in the Senate. In other words, if the GOP drops to 49 seats after this next election we will still retain a Senate majority. With “Independent” Jim Jeffords and Lieberman taking up two slots, the Democrats could also only get a maximum of 49 seats, which gives any tie-breaking votes to Dick Cheney.
Every time I think the Republicans are in trouble, Karl Rove always comes through in the clutch. Did you ever know that you’re my hero?
• Speaking of arrests, the other day Maurice Clarett got pulled over by the PO-lice, who found four loaded guns, a machete and a half empty bottle of vodka in his vehicle. When the cops tried to taser him for being unruly, they discovered that Clarett was also wearing a bullet-proof vest. Wow. I know it’s hard for a black man to drive in this RACIST society of ours, but it can’t be that dangerous as to equip yourself like you’re going to war, can it? I was watching Jim Rome’s ESPN show yesterday, and it was funny to see all the sub-hosts wondering who’s to blame for Clarett’s fall? Uh, did Ohio State put those guns in his vehicle? Did the NFL strap on that bullet-proof vest? Why I bet that Buckeye football coach drank half of that vodka. Oh and fuck all those people who say "this is a sad story." That piece of shit brought all of this upon himself; I find the whole thing funny as hell.
• While I’m on the subject of running backs that may never carry another pigskin in the NFL, things don’t look good for Jets halfback Curtis Martin. If his knees are indeed shot to hell, I hope he’s saved his money over the years and can retire in peace. He wasn’t all that flashy, but he certainly got the job done. I always thought it was weird that Martin was able to play under the radar despite being in the media capital of the world for all those years.
• Now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This chick says that her and her boyfriend are trying to go about their relationship like any good Christian couple would. However, there is one problem. Before meeting “Mr. Right” this chick had another boyfriend, and one night they had sex. As a result, the guy gave her snatch herpes. She called because she didn't know if or when the right time would be to tell her current boyfriend of her medical condition.
• No matter who you are, there’s always a bigger dog in the yard.
That show of his is one of those programs where if I’m channel surfing and come across it I’ll watch it for a few minutes before moving on. Sometimes I’ll watch them catch some crackhead, but most of the time after five minutes I’m asking myself, “Why do I have this on?” Another program I treat in a similar fashion is that “Miami Ink” show. It’s about some Florida tattoo shop and we get to see these people get paid for defiling willing patrons. Actually, from the shows I’ve seen, many of the customers have rather touching reasons for wanting various tattoos inked onto them. One person wanted to remember her father. Another wanted a portrait of his son, while a lady got one of her kid who died too soon. I’m sure this store also gets its share of drunks who will wake up the next day wondering how they got a grim reaper holding a can of beer on their shoulder blade, but there’s probably a reason why these ink sessions don’t make it on the air.
While I’m on the subjects of tattoos, I’m rather indifferent to them. If you want to brand yourself, then go for it. As for me, I have marked up my body enough; I don’t need to pay someone to do it for me. There’s that scar I got on my right thigh when I was a kid chasing pigeons just outside the Carnegie Museum. Then I have that marking on my left which reminded me as a pre-teen not to go biking on those sloped curbs. How I didn’t break any bones from that incident is beyond me.
Speaking of breaking bones, I’ve been pretty lucky in this regard, too. The only time my idiotic behavior resulted in a cast or splint when I tried to slide uphill into a coiled-up garden hose that was acting as first base in a backyard baseball game. Not only did I dislocate my right middle and ring finger knuckles, but I was also called out. To make matters worse, a day or so later I was playing some Capture the Flag-like game late at night and unknowingly hid in a patch of poison ivy. That was not a fun summer vacation, especially since all this happened just one week before my junior year of high school. But if this is the worst I have done to my body when it came to doing stupid shit as a kid, then I consider myself extremely fortunate.
• This story caught my attention because I was born on the year he escaped and began living his second life. Yeah he had a real "mental" condition. That's why he was able to evade the law for three decades. Fuck him. And what is up with stabbing someone to death in 1964 and then being eligible for parole in 1980? Yet another reason you need to off anyone trying to harm you or someone you care about – you sure as fuck aren’t going to get any assistance from the State in this matter.
• I just found an update on the Dog situation. I guess I could joke about how Mr. Dog jumped bail, but what really got the big LOL was the bolded part of the article below. It’s nice to know that the Mexican government cares about at least of their own crossing the U.S. border. Now how about you guys doing something about the million-plus other people from your shit hole of a country that do the same thing every year? Oh well, at least the Dog family has some fresh material for sweeps.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 5: Cancer Marney
When you think about it, there are some scary-ass things in life. For example, remember the construction zone you drive through every day on the way to work/school? You know, the one with all the big machines that can crush your vehicle in an instant? There’s a good chance the guy operating that crane is the drunk cousin of a crew foreman. When you need an operation, how would you feel knowing that your surgeon was the one who cheated on his tests in order to pass them? And let’s not even talk about where the meat portion of your dinner came from and who helped put that dead flesh on your plate.
However, not everything in this world is negative. There are good people out there. Remember when those towel heads flew two airplanes into the World Trade Center? Well you probably don’t because there’s enough sheeple out there ready to elect Hitlery, but I digress. Remember when those towers were ready to crumble and New York’s finest were running into the burning buildings to rescue as many people as they could? There are people out there going after the bad guys, and this poster is one such freedom fighter. And who is Ms. Marney going after -- Arabs? Russians? Chinamen? The French? I don’t exactly know. From what I’ve read over the years, this person reads a bunch of government reports or something. But that’s not why she’s on this list. She’s on this list because she’s an evil
bitch.
And that’s why she’s my goddess, not to mention protector -- if not from Abdul flying in coach with that fuse hanging out from his shoe, then from posters from across the pond.
8 p.m.
• So that trick-or-treat thing went on last night and we had the biggest turnout EVER~! Or at least for us. Mrs. kkk got through all 27 of her gi-normous candy bags (she puts like 10 pounds of shit in these tiny candy bags – it’s quite impressive, actually), finished off the “emergency stash” and she even had to give away a 100 calorie Nutter Butter bar because we had one brat late. Bitch, those Nutter Butters are hella good.
It’s amusing to be at the kkk house on Halloween. Our “official” trick-or-treat time is from 6-8 p.m. First the better half bitches when we don’t get anyone from 6-6:10. She also looks out the front window the whole time looking for people dressed as Spiderman and monsters. Then when we finally get a group of kids she gives them their candy and kicks them out. No, “awww, look, you’re a ladybug” small talk. Just “Get yo’ mothafuckin’ food, leave it in the car, n*gga get out.” (Three points for anyone that catches that reference without the help of Google.) It’s hilarious to watch this obsession, and when I made a comment about her lack of small talk she started bitching about how kids just want to go house to house and get candy. I agree, but the smaller kids like being gushed over while dressed up as Batman. Damn, I’m speaking for the children. Subject change. Now.
During this time we had Bravo’s 100 SCARIEST MOVIE MOMENTS. Good God was this retarded. But we kept it on because there was nothing else Halloweeny on except for the Michael Myers-fest on AMC. Then, after these 100 SCARY MOMENTS there were 30 EXTRA ONES that I DVR’d so I could goof on them today. Army of Darkness was included in this one. ARMY OF DARKNESS? Look, I have this movie. I like this movie. BUT IT’S NOT SCARY! You don’t watch this film to be scared. You watch this film for stuff like “I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town.”
I don’t consider myself an expert on the punk-rock scene, although I do like listening to some music in this genre from time to time, (especially a certain song from the Ramones). One album I like listening to is “Never Mind the Bollocks Here’s the Sex Pistols.” While I do know some news and notes about the Ramones, which I’ll talk about later, I don’t know much about the Sex Pistols other than they lasted for one album and their one member Sid Vicious died from a drug overdose. However, I have to say that whenever I see Johnny Rotten on television, I usually put down the remote and see what kind of trouble he’s getting himself into, whether he’s on the now-cancelled “Politically Incorrect” or “Judge Judy.”
One memory that sticks out involving Rotten was when he did this show on Vh1 back in 2000. In it he covered the 2000 election season, and to my surprise it was splendidly done. In fact, it was my favorite analysis program covering the '00 election (not to mention it's one of the few that I still remember). In the span of 30 minutes he had an intelligent conversation with Newt Gingrich (?!), made fun of some pseudo-hippies protesting outside a Convention site and took the high ground when questioning some pro-life demonstrators. It wasn’t at all what I expected this episode to be like, especially the segment involving the abortion protestors.
Anyway, the reason for my Sex Pistols nostalgia is because they recently told the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to take their induction and shove it. Of course this begs the question as to what the R&R HOF would expect one of the renowned punk bands of all time to do when told of their inclusion into this institution. I don’t get this hippie enshrinement to the music industry, and I couldn’t name one person who has been inducted into this Hall of Fame. However, if people travel to visit this place, and the proceeds put a few extra tourism dollars in Cleveland’s coffers, then who am I to denounce it?
I mentioned the Ramones earlier, and for those that don’t know by now, my TSM handle of “kkktookmybabyaway” is a title off one of their songs. The first time I heard this song was during some hippie MTV special on RACISM back in the day. In this “special report” they followed the antics of some idiot teen skinhead that was planning some retarded rally at a local mall or something. At the end of the show, they played “The KKK Took My Baby Away” while giving us an update on how his rally fared. I can’t remember the exact details, but I think only two or three people showed up alongside him, and they ended up getting arrested or beaten up (or both).
One thing I didn’t realize about the Ramones until a few years ago was Johnny Ramone’s conservatism, which is astounding considering back the 1980’s Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher were considered Mr. and Mrs. Anti-Christ to many people who the Ramones played music with and in front of. Then again, punk always seemed to be an alternative to mainstream culture, so in a way it would makes sense to have one of its forefathers be an unapologetic Republican. One of my favorite quotes from Johnny before he passed away a few years ago came from this article:
Swift Terror brought up the Cincinnati riots in his blog entry today, and man were those some fun times (this event took place in 2001, for those keeping score at home). After a black teen got shot by the PO-lice during a midnight chase, some of the more sophisticated folk in Cincinnati decided to frolic and engage in springtime activities like breaking into stores and assaulting innocents. I guess this was in retribution for the PO-lice killing 15 black guys over the period of several years. Of course, all but two or three of these PO-lice shootings involved these poor young men walking down the street. Did I say "walking down the street"? I meant "shooting at the PO-lice" or "assaulting them with a vehicle or some other life-threatening attack." Although the riots took place years ago, there are a few things that have stayed with me. The first is the image of some young thugs assaulting this old guy in his car. Of course, when the youths were caught they were charged with “ethnic intimidation.” Uh, if this is not a HATE CRIME then what is? Oh, wait, the old guy was with his wife, so he wasn’t gay, and he certainly wasn’t black, although he was black-and-blue after the scuffle.
Oh, here’s another oldie but goldie that’s been tucked in the back of my memory for some time. On WKRC’s crappy morning show they brought on some idiot professor from the University of Cincinnati to talk about the riots. The professor started out saying something like, “The problem here is that the PO-lice are out killing YOUNG BLACK MALES.” The conservative host of this morning duo then called the prof on his line of bullshit, basically repeating what I said in the paragraph above about how in nearly all the cases the PO-lice were being shot at or attacked. Without missing a beat, the prof replied, “That’s true, and we must be careful not to use inflammatory rhetoric.” It was at that point I started screaming at the radio while driving to work on I-71.
Did I mention that the New York Slimes called the riots “civil disobedience"? I better add that in here before I forget.
In addition, shortly after this incident some hippie activist group started up an exhibit at the Cincinnati Museum. I don’t remember much about the exhibit, but I’ll never forget the ribbons they were peddling. You see, this exhibit dealt with DIVERSITY, or some shit like that, and if you bought a ribbon then you cared about DIVERSITY. So far so good, I guess -- if you’re into that sort of thing. Oh, but here’s the good part. When you bought your ribbon for DIVERSITY, you got a certain color of ribbon based on YOUR SKIN COLOR. Nothing says "unity" like segregated unity ribbons.
One final note to this story: I remember hearing various idiots saying that the PO-lice and government in general are out to kill YOUNG BLACK MALES. Well, if that’s the case, they’re doing a pretty shitty job of it. I mean crack and AIDS were introduced in the inner-cities to wipe out the black population 20+ years ago, and these people are STILL around; glad to see my tax dollars are being put to great use. I’ve always contended that if you want anything done right you need to go to the private sector. Hell, I might even consider hiring illegals to get this job done – after they mow my lawn, of course.
9 p.m.
• So I gave my notice to my genius employers on January 4. Guess when they finally decided to put a classified ad in the paper? Today.
• I was at the grocery store today and I went to the chicken section of the store. I noticed that there was a sale on cock. However, it wasn’t the buy-one-get-one-free but rather some XX-cents-off nonsense which is still a rip-off. However, what had me laughing was the handwritten addition made to the “sale” sign. Because there are several varieties of chicken in the chicken freezer bin and only one brand on sale, there are oftentimes handwritten FYIs on these sale posters. Anyway, the handwritten addition to this sign read “Black lable only.” Sigh.
• Speaking of food, Swift Terror brought up some of his never-buy-generic brands. For as cheap as I am, I don’t typically buy generic-brand material. If something is on sale and I have a coupon then I get it. The only brand name I “have” to buy is Miracle Whip. Oh, and Heinz ketchup – Hunts is disgusting. Generic pasta is blech, although I don’t really buy Chef-Boy-R-D. Oh, my beef stew has to be Dinty Moore. Generic Cola is awful, although I’m not much of a pop drinker anyway. Oh, yeah. Crystal Light iced tea >>>> generic or that 4C shit. I steer clear from the generic Kix equivalent. And when it comes to bbq sauce, I’m only Bull’s Eye, Jack Daniels or KC Masterpiece. I tried some watery Kraft shit once and that was it. (Or was it Open Pit?) Well the aforementioned chicken I buy is grocery-store brand. I also eat grocery-store brand bread and milk. That’s about all I got for now.
9:15 p.m.
• I’ve seen a few headlines about this being the 10-year anniversary of Lewinsky-gate. You know, I really didn’t care much about this scandal. I guess the best thing to come out of this (other than Bill’s jizz on a blue dress) was having Congress preoccupied with impeachment rather than meddling with the economy and my day-to-day life. Good job, Monica.
• I just heard some top-of-the-news story on RIGHT-WING RADIO about how with this “recession” people are having a harder time than ever dealing with credit card debt, mortgage and car payments. Uh, am I supposed to feel bad for someone that racked up unnecessary expenses on plastic and now can’t afford his standard of living because gas is $3+/gallon and milk is a similar price? Hey dumbfuck, who do you think you are – Congress?
Speaking of these people, I sure can't wait until there's a Democrat president to go along with a Democrat Congress.
Yeah, because nothing says "helping out the middle class" better than food stamps.
10 p.m.
• Ha. I was flipping channels and came across the last 20 minutes of "Death Wish 3." These “Death Wish” movies are so laughably bad – especially after Part II – that they’re awesome. However, when the final commercial break took place, I soon discovered that there were FIVE of these films. Now I always counted “Murphy’s Law” as a “Death Wish-lite” movie, but they actually made another one after Charles Bronson blew some guy up with a rocket launcher after his girlfriend gets offed? Wait a minute, I could be talking about more than one “Death Wish” movie.
• Cool. Jim Cramer’s radio show is going to make it’s debut on the Shittsburgh air waves in early March. Now I’ll have an alternative to the days I don’t feel like listening to Rush or Rome from 1-2 p.m. When I lived in Ohio, Cramer had his show broadcast from 6-7 p.m., and whenever I was driving home late from work I always had it on. I watch his CNBC show every now and then, and it’s entertaining, although every time I tune in there seems to be a new special sound effect or three.
• This headline says it all: “Carefully drawn political maps help incumbents.” Get the hell out of here. Next thing you know you’ll tell me that the political party in charge draws up districts that favor their re-election efforts.
• There’s some hippie poll about the weirdest street names; my pick came in at number five: The intersection of Clinton and Fidelity in Houston. And just to appeal my hippie friends reading this, the intersection of Bush and WMD in Dallas would have made the list, but nobody could find it on the map.
• I don’t get the whole Anna Nicole Smith trial regarding her former grandpa, err, husband’s estate. I’m hoping the Supreme Court takes up this case so I can stop hearing about it. Anna, you married an old guy for his money. The old guy died and didn’t leave you his estate. Get over it. Next time, marry a younger billionaire – maybe someone in his 60s – so you can live in luxury for a few years more.
• So Ken Lay is going broke. That’s a shame. I’d be interested to see what his resume looks like for when he goes job hunting in 50 or so years from now after he gets out of jail.
• I guess now the next thing to ask Jeeves is what he’s going to do for money now that he’s been dropped from a search engine I didn’t know was still in existence. I used Ask.com years ago before realizing it wasn’t necessary to type in an entire question to find something on-line. During the early ‘00s, I remember reading about this other little search engine that was supposedly the “best-kept secret on the Internet.” It was called Gaggle, or Oogle, or something. I wonder what ever happened to it?
• Relief funds for Hurricane Katrina victims are now “dwindling.” I wonder why. Could it be because people don’t want to donate their money to recipients who’ll spend the aid on porno and diamond rings? Nah.
