Over the years the TSM community has been an interesting bunch. While many of us bicker and type things to each other that we
definitely probably perhaps wouldn’t say in a face-to-face encounter, enough time has passed as this place that we share memorable life experiences with each other. Births, weddings, passings. And even though TSM will never be mistaken for a bona fide support group, there are enough people at this place that will provide words of congratulations, encouragement and condolences at the right time. Then there are also enough of us to throw in an *unzips pants*, which although juvenile is also necessary. If not, how else would I be at 15,000+ posts?
How it all started
It was late one night and I was too awake to go to bed but I was too tired to actually do anything of importance. So I did what I normally do in this situation. I went on the Internet. I don’t remember what thread/blog I was reading at the time, but I do recall it involving some half-assed countdown of something or other. It was at that time I decided to do my own countdown. A countdown that has never been done before. But of what?
Well of my top 103 posters. For some reason, this thought jumped in my head and stayed there for just enough time for me to randomly type a number of posters that popped in and out of my memory. After a while I stopped typing names and realized I had an odd number of names. And of course EVERY list needs a safe, divisible amount, right? Wrong, hippie.
Well, exactly two years(?!) and 102 posters later, the moment of truth has come. Who is ranked #1? Rather than list the name at the start of this post, I will wait until the end. Click on the links if you want, but treat them as spoiler tags.
But first, let's see who has already been accounted for.
I think one reason I'm having some trouble coming up with a "favorite Sideburnious moment" is because he’s “TSM Invisible Poster.”
I still don't know how to type that hippie ® though -- thank God for "copy and paste."
I shouldn’t be too negative on Eric because I think he’s just a product of his environment (pun intended).
For some time we constantly name-called each other in a number of threads, but then something strange happened: we actually started to get along better.
When he wasn’t explaining to members of the Conservative Brigade why the polls favored Kerry over Bush in ’04, he was wanking to one of the few elections Democrats did manage win that year.
Nothing really special to say about MD2020; he seemed like a nice enough chap when he was here.
The next poster on my list is really the cat’s meow – oh fuck you all, I’ve said worse.
He has nice teeth, and for someone who lives across the Pond from me, that says a lot.
I’ve known him at TSM for years, and I’m still unsure if we get along or not.
We teamed up and good times were had by all, especially when goofing on some kid's mom and her unsuccessful bout with cancer. You can’t brush aside moments like this just because someone went and deleted a message board.
He makes fun of Barry Bonds and ESPN, along with Mikey Moore. You can't win me over any more than goofing on those three subjects.
When he got promoted to the management level I was at we got to know each other better during some projects our groups worked together on. Well, the people working under us worked; I spent most of my day posting at TSM, which eventually pulled in my co-worker, too.
If he's been laid off already for making too much money, here's hoping he finds something that pays him more and has him working less.
He’s a Professional Otaku, and no list is complete without one of those.
He’s more conservative than me yet lives in California.
He’s extremely approachable on AIM and has answered every inquiry I have asked him through this medium, from explaining what exactly a “neocon” is to what parts of the Windy City and its surrounding areas support the Cubs and which areas support the White Sox.
He may be Latino, but I'll still give him a pound, or whatever it is those black people do when greeting each other.
When he's not putting his sexual partner's life at risk by banging her while she still has a tampon inside of her, he's putting his own life at risk by getting it on with military wives.
He tries his hardest to answer that age-old question: "Why do black men go after fat white girls?"
When you're good enough to get the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson.
He’s the unofficial ninja of the Conservative Brigade.
What puts him at number 82 on my list is the phenomenon that was his “Hey everybody, I finally got laid" thread.
Although he considered me the worst poster of 2004, can anyone really blame him for that?
I don’t think he lives in one of the better neighborhoods across the Pond.
You can't really blame the Office Glen for crashing my threads, considering I have derailed a few of his on occasion.
When he signed up in my football contest last year, I got the pleasure of interacting with him more than when he just closes threads I help queer up.
I always found Sass, during his time as a mod, to be a voice of reason in many instances.
He's harmless enough when talking about current events, back when I used to do that sort of thing.
Jingus, along with a few other people, formed another message board, which a few of us still post at.
She loves her hosses and hates black people.
He has a good Avatar and named after a kick-ass movie character.
I didn’t know much about this guy until he came out of the closet.
I need to somehow make up for breaking his heart by voting against him in the first round of this year’s Poster Tournament.
He didn’t mind when I moved him from the Cards to the Saints during the off-season.
Bob is one of the more recognizable posters at this place. And how can he not be, considering he's had that hat longer than the Braves have been winning Division titles.
I do feel for him when a few years ago he got banned by some mod because that person thought Agent was a previously banned poster (Mr. Zsasz).
Slapnuts isn’t too bad a guy, even though he will forever be remembered for a certain 77 words.
One could rest assured that during spring of ’05 there would be a Y2Jerk/MikeSC clash of the day.
He’s part of my football contest and had a tough year with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers last season thanks to a few close losses.
At one point he was even banned, but I’ve never had a problem with him.
I actually see a lot of myself in Mr. S£im. Well except for that whole "serving your country" thing. Plus I'm white. Oh, and there's that whole kid issue.
I only spoke with him once via AIM, and that was just to give him a link to a news story about some kid with Downs Syndrome being elected Homecoming King in his school.
Even Kotz likes him, and it’s in a non-sexual matter, too.
He’s also been tempted to seek the services of a hooker right after his classes finish early, but he’s too cheap to pay the $140 for a half-hour of service.
I remember seeing a picture of him surrounded by some cute chicks that were around his age. Good work.
Goddamn do I love that Avatar.
We both agree that the best zombie is a slow-moving zombie.
He works at Wal-Mart, and because he’s a self-professed hippie I can’t imagine he takes much joy in helping his employer take over the world.
When you have me going, “Wow. This guy is really jaded,” you know you're doing something right.
He's had an interesting selection of jobs, from his stint as a rugged lumberjack to being able to go to town with a store's slurpee machine.
I’ve grown to like Banky (or whatever he’s calling himself this week).
He’s more than accommodating when you’re asking questions about NHL ’06.
I can never remember which one is which, and I stopped trying to remember because it's a chore enough not to forget other things in life like "first pants then your shoes."
I generally despise the “college lifestyle” and believe most people who engage in it need to be taken out to an alley and shot.
I'm still sure he spent $10.39 in Eden Prairie, MN, on a hooker.
He’s a founding member of my football contest.
When a male virgin finally achieves penetration because it’ll only last 5-10 seconds. Yes, I am speaking from personal experience.
Having seen Canadian Chick do wrestling moves, I’m quite certain that not only can she blend in as being one of the guys (at least on the days where she’s not ragging it) but she could also probably pummel many of us with snap suplexes, half-nelsons or whatever those things are.
Vyce and I have this special connection, and no it’s not because we spy on all the pre-teen girls in our neighborhoods.
I'm fairly certain that these kids knew that the fire boom-boom stick would cause boo-boos.
He threatened to extort me once because I posted something good about John Kerry a long time ago that said I might consider voting for him.
His name is Chris, and he is from Canada.
He helped out during the most recent kkk Bowl IV season. In fact, I think he handled it better than me.
Without Dames, we wouldn’t be here today showing fellow posters pictures that we like, bitching about the latest RAW broadcast or saying how much this place sucks.
I just wish I knew what he did for a living.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen him pissed off, or even slightly irritated for that matter.
V-X would rather live in an America that resembles the commie commune many of his people risk their lives trying to flee.
While known for his sports-folder meltdowns whenever the Oklahoma Sooners lost a football game, I’ll remember him better as that journalism student who vigorously pursued his dream of writing athlete profiles and game recaps.
If you don’t know what a juggalo is, just be thankful and move on.
He’s been suspected of being the previously banned poster Choken One, I really don’t care.
He doesn’t seem to care much for blogs, which makes me wonder what the hell he’s doing on this list in the first place.
When it comes to smart-ass replies, you can’t beat my Meat.
He hates freedom, to be sure. But he also hates commies, which is a bigger plus than the former is a minus.
At the other place he came out defending the Supreme Communists of the United States.
Whenever I speak of my time in Middletown, Ohio, he actually knows what I’m talking about.
Porter has been more than accommodating on AIM whenever I’ve had a question (or seven) about MVP Baseball 2005.
Just because I disagree with 99.999999999 percent of what someone thinks regarding politics (and I’m still waiting for that 0.000000001 percent of something we agree on) doesn't mean I have to hate him for it.
I liked the little bugger, in a master-likes-his-slave sort of way.
Teke can also find me entertaining at times … wait a second, that was tekecop.
I wound up getting sodomized by Kotz in the Meow Mix Pussy Bowl – oh, yeah, and Kotz correctly predicted more games during Bowl Week than I did.
The eastern part of this state is so contaminated with Democrats that if Three Mile Island would have had a full meltdown it would improve the region.
He did some “Survivor” deal back in ’03. We've been around that long?
He patrols with a big stick. That’s wooden. And made in Louisville. Well, maybe not Lousville – I have no idea what with globalization and all.
It’s hard to go wrong with someone that starts a thread titled: “ Mikey was at my school...” followed by “No word on if the gym collapsed.....”
Years back he had some pick 'em football contest and I think it eventually drove him mad.
Wildbomb finally caught on and realized that nobody at this place is going to significantly change his or her opinions because some faceless message board poster said something smart.
He moved on to do stuff in the real world, such as make babies with his hot wife, teach and do other grown-up stuff that I’m still trying to stay away from.
He’s got enough common sense to stay away from liberal craziness, but at the same time he shakes his head whenever his red state of Kansas acts like … well, a red state.
From reading the limited entries in his blog it doesn’t appear that royalty in a state filled with illegal aliens would be all that appealing.
He’s one of the few left-wingers that I believe would vote for Ralph Nader.
What separates Smitty from most of the Marxists here is that he’s actually funny with his shtick. And by funny I don’t mean C-Bacon funny.
If it weren’t for saps like sfa and myself getting up for work, paying taxes and keeping this economy humming, then Pedro wouldn’t be sneaking across the southern border to pick lettuce and Mohammad wouldn’t be sneaking across the northern border to blow up a commerce center.
If he would be as fiscally responsible in Congress as he says he is at TSM, then I wouldn’t mind if some of his treasonous ideas got through the cracks.
Is it really necessary to put a "NSFW" warning to a thread titled "THIS COMPLETELY RUINS A GOOD CUM BATH?"
For the last time, black people don't tip.
He's the Conservative Brigade member who loads the ammo inside the tank.
Mr. Lushus is from Nebraska, has legitimate children and works a full-time job, so what little street cred he had is long gone.
She’s my goddess, not to mention protector -- if not from Abdul flying in coach with that fuse hanging out from his shoe, then from posters from across the pond.
For those of you that ventured into the Current Events folder in its heyday you will probably never look at a Michael from South Carolina the same way ever again.
For more than THREE YEARS I’ve been involved in a shootout of insults with someone because of a split-second thought and a few keystrokes.
Reporting for duty, General.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 1: ???????
This selection may come as a surprise to some. Hell, this poster even once uttered one of my most hated lines of: “Can’t a cop/soldier just shoot someone in the leg instead of the chest so he doesn't get killed?” However, much like Padme when, with her final breath, said of her Jedi meat puppet, “there is good in him,” that is the same case with this poster – except for the gay sex and all that.
What got this poster so highly ranked? Well, for starters, he may hate his country, but he isn’t afraid to mock those who probably vote the same way he does in general elections. Also, CE vets may remember a few years ago back on April Fool’s Day a group of us deciding to post a mile in the other side’s shoes. Whose idea was it to do this? Mine, of course. But I needed a commie counterpart to pull this off, and this poster was more than happy to oblige. Then a few years later, after Eddie Guerrero passed away and the “You’re being serious” line became an instant classic, this same poster and I decided to spread the “_______ that make you think of Eddie Guerrero” threads to other folders.
Such as video games.
And porn, again.
Was this dumb? Yeah. But was it funny? Well it seemed so at the time.
And while this poster hasn’t been around as often during W.'s second term than his first, the CE antics, along with a variety of other antics, made my final selection an easy choice. Besides, even though we were at opposite spectrums a few years ago (He's actually gotten quite conservative now that he's actually earning money and paying taxes, and Republicans have pissed me off quite a bit -- wait, does that mean the closer he got to the center was offset by my further tilt to the right because these so-called "small government" bitches in my Party have been anything but? Then again, I don't think I can get much more "conservative" because I don't consider myself much of a fundie, outside of the whole killing of the unborn. OK, now I'm really getting off track.), there are two things that will always unite message board posters: John Madden and porn. Err, let me rephrase that. How about the John Madden video game franchise and the porno industry? Yeah, that sounds better -- and it doesn't give "Boom! He's on his back!" a double meaning.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…
…Dr. Tyler; Captain America
FOR AMERICA!!1++one, indeed.