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5/21: 102 Posters In 2 Years

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Over the years the TSM community has been an interesting bunch. While many of us bicker and type things to each other that we definitely probably perhaps wouldn’t say in a face-to-face encounter, enough time has passed as this place that we share memorable life experiences with each other. Births, weddings, passings. And even though TSM will never be mistaken for a bona fide support group, there are enough people at this place that will provide words of congratulations, encouragement and condolences at the right time. Then there are also enough of us to throw in an *unzips pants*, which although juvenile is also necessary. If not, how else would I be at 15,000+ posts?


How it all started


It was late one night and I was too awake to go to bed but I was too tired to actually do anything of importance. So I did what I normally do in this situation. I went on the Internet. I don’t remember what thread/blog I was reading at the time, but I do recall it involving some half-assed countdown of something or other. It was at that time I decided to do my own countdown. A countdown that has never been done before. But of what?


Well of my top 103 posters. For some reason, this thought jumped in my head and stayed there for just enough time for me to randomly type a number of posters that popped in and out of my memory. After a while I stopped typing names and realized I had an odd number of names. And of course EVERY list needs a safe, divisible amount, right? Wrong, hippie.


Well, exactly two years(?!) and 102 posters later, the moment of truth has come. Who is ranked #1? Rather than list the name at the start of this post, I will wait until the end. Click on the links if you want, but treat them as spoiler tags.





































































































But first, let's see who has already been accounted for.


Number 103: Sideburnious

I think one reason I'm having some trouble coming up with a "favorite Sideburnious moment" is because he’s “TSM Invisible Poster.”


Number 102: T®ITEC

I still don't know how to type that hippie ® though -- thank God for "copy and paste."


Number 101: EricMM

I shouldn’t be too negative on Eric because I think he’s just a product of his environment (pun intended).


Number 100: Anorak

For some time we constantly name-called each other in a number of threads, but then something strange happened: we actually started to get along better.


Number 99: Jessie Ewiak

When he wasn’t explaining to members of the Conservative Brigade why the polls favored Kerry over Bush in ’04, he was wanking to one of the few elections Democrats did manage win that year.


Number 98: MD2020

Nothing really special to say about MD2020; he seemed like a nice enough chap when he was here.


Number 97: Reservior Kitty

The next poster on my list is really the cat’s meow – oh fuck you all, I’ve said worse.


Number 96: Chave

He has nice teeth, and for someone who lives across the Pond from me, that says a lot.


Number 95: Kotz

I’ve known him at TSM for years, and I’m still unsure if we get along or not.


Number 94: FrigidSoul

We teamed up and good times were had by all, especially when goofing on some kid's mom and her unsuccessful bout with cancer. You can’t brush aside moments like this just because someone went and deleted a message board.


Number 93: Smues

He makes fun of Barry Bonds and ESPN, along with Mikey Moore. You can't win me over any more than goofing on those three subjects.


Number 92: Swift Terror

When he got promoted to the management level I was at we got to know each other better during some projects our groups worked together on. Well, the people working under us worked; I spent most of my day posting at TSM, which eventually pulled in my co-worker, too.


Number 91: Paul Stanley

If he's been laid off already for making too much money, here's hoping he finds something that pays him more and has him working less.


Number 90: Masked Man of Mystery

He’s a Professional Otaku, and no list is complete without one of those.


Number 89: Olympic Slam

He’s more conservative than me yet lives in California.


Number 88: The Czech Republic

He’s extremely approachable on AIM and has answered every inquiry I have asked him through this medium, from explaining what exactly a “neocon” is to what parts of the Windy City and its surrounding areas support the Cubs and which areas support the White Sox.


Number 87: Latin Assasin

He may be Latino, but I'll still give him a pound, or whatever it is those black people do when greeting each other.


Number 86: JAxl Morrison

When he's not putting his sexual partner's life at risk by banging her while she still has a tampon inside of her, he's putting his own life at risk by getting it on with military wives.


Number 85: Ant 7000

He tries his hardest to answer that age-old question: "Why do black men go after fat white girls?"


Number 84: Crono T

When you're good enough to get the Best Ending, the Frog Ending, and the Secret Ending, then we'll talk. Until then, keep on digging, Watson.


Number 83: BDC

He’s the unofficial ninja of the Conservative Brigade.


Number 82: Special K

What puts him at number 82 on my list is the phenomenon that was his “Hey everybody, I finally got laid" thread.


Number 81: Agent of Oblivion

Although he considered me the worst poster of 2004, can anyone really blame him for that?


Number 80: The Franchise

I don’t think he lives in one of the better neighborhoods across the Pond.


Number 79: Treble

You can't really blame the Office Glen for crashing my threads, considering I have derailed a few of his on occasion.


Number 78: Kahran Ramsus

When he signed up in my football contest last year, I got the pleasure of interacting with him more than when he just closes threads I help queer up.


Number 77: Sass

I always found Sass, during his time as a mod, to be a voice of reason in many instances.


Number 76: Your Paragon of Virtue

He's harmless enough when talking about current events, back when I used to do that sort of thing.


Number 75: Jingus

Jingus, along with a few other people, formed another message board, which a few of us still post at.


Number 74: Buffybeast

She loves her hosses and hates black people.


Number 73: Dr. Venkman

He has a good Avatar and named after a kick-ass movie character.


Number 72: The Thread Killer

I didn’t know much about this guy until he came out of the closet.


Number 71: NY Untouchable

I need to somehow make up for breaking his heart by voting against him in the first round of this year’s Poster Tournament.


Number 71: Cena’s Writer

He didn’t mind when I moved him from the Cards to the Saints during the off-season.


Number 69: Bob Barron

Bob is one of the more recognizable posters at this place. And how can he not be, considering he's had that hat longer than the Braves have been winning Division titles.


Number 68: Agent Bond34

I do feel for him when a few years ago he got banned by some mod because that person thought Agent was a previously banned poster (Mr. Zsasz).


Number 67: Slapnuts

Slapnuts isn’t too bad a guy, even though he will forever be remembered for a certain 77 words.


Number 66: Y2Jerk

One could rest assured that during spring of ’05 there would be a Y2Jerk/MikeSC clash of the day.


Number 65: Starvenger

He’s part of my football contest and had a tough year with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers last season thanks to a few close losses.


Number 64: UseTheSledgehammerUh

At one point he was even banned, but I’ve never had a problem with him.


Number 63: Mr. S£im Citrus

I actually see a lot of myself in Mr. S£im. Well except for that whole "serving your country" thing. Plus I'm white. Oh, and there's that whole kid issue.


Number 62: The Scotsman

I only spoke with him once via AIM, and that was just to give him a link to a news story about some kid with Downs Syndrome being elected Homecoming King in his school.


Number 61: 2Gold

Even Kotz likes him, and it’s in a non-sexual matter, too.


Number 60: Prime Time Andrew Doyle

He’s also been tempted to seek the services of a hooker right after his classes finish early, but he’s too cheap to pay the $140 for a half-hour of service.


Number 59: Fazzle

I remember seeing a picture of him surrounded by some cute chicks that were around his age. Good work.


Number 58: King PK

Goddamn do I love that Avatar.




Number 57: El Santiaco

We both agree that the best zombie is a slow-moving zombie.


Number 56: Canadian Guitarist

He works at Wal-Mart, and because he’s a self-professed hippie I can’t imagine he takes much joy in helping his employer take over the world.


Number 55: Bps21

When you have me going, “Wow. This guy is really jaded,” you know you're doing something right.


Number 54: Cobain was Murdered

He's had an interesting selection of jobs, from his stint as a rugged lumberjack to being able to go to town with a store's slurpee machine.


Number 53: Banky

I’ve grown to like Banky (or whatever he’s calling himself this week).


Number 52: The Max

He’s more than accommodating when you’re asking questions about NHL ’06.


Number 50 and 51: Darrylxlf/AndrewTS

I can never remember which one is which, and I stopped trying to remember because it's a chore enough not to forget other things in life like "first pants then your shoes."


Number 49: Mole

I generally despise the “college lifestyle” and believe most people who engage in it need to be taken out to an alley and shot.


Number 48: Hoff

I'm still sure he spent $10.39 in Eden Prairie, MN, on a hooker.


Number 47: Cuban Linx

He’s a founding member of my football contest.


Number 46: Marvin is a Lunatic

When a male virgin finally achieves penetration because it’ll only last 5-10 seconds. Yes, I am speaking from personal experience.


Number 45: Canadian Chick

Having seen Canadian Chick do wrestling moves, I’m quite certain that not only can she blend in as being one of the guys (at least on the days where she’s not ragging it) but she could also probably pummel many of us with snap suplexes, half-nelsons or whatever those things are.


Number 44: Vyce

Vyce and I have this special connection, and no it’s not because we spy on all the pre-teen girls in our neighborhoods.


Number 43: Anglesaut

I'm fairly certain that these kids knew that the fire boom-boom stick would cause boo-boos.


Number 42: Rob E. Dangerously

He threatened to extort me once because I posted something good about John Kerry a long time ago that said I might consider voting for him.


Number 41: Canadian Chris

His name is Chris, and he is from Canada.


Number 40: Alfdogg

He helped out during the most recent kkk Bowl IV season. In fact, I think he handled it better than me.


Number 39: Dames

Without Dames, we wouldn’t be here today showing fellow posters pictures that we like, bitching about the latest RAW broadcast or saying how much this place sucks.


Number 38: Stephen Joseph

I just wish I knew what he did for a living.


Number 37: AlwaysPissedOff

I don’t think I’ve ever seen him pissed off, or even slightly irritated for that matter.


Number 36: Vitamin X

V-X would rather live in an America that resembles the commie commune many of his people risk their lives trying to flee.


Number 35: Damaramu

While known for his sports-folder meltdowns whenever the Oklahoma Sooners lost a football game, I’ll remember him better as that journalism student who vigorously pursued his dream of writing athlete profiles and game recaps.


Number 34: Carnival

If you don’t know what a juggalo is, just be thankful and move on.


Number 33: Hawk 34

He’s been suspected of being the previously banned poster Choken One, I really don’t care.


Number 32: Hogan Made Wrestling

He doesn’t seem to care much for blogs, which makes me wonder what the hell he’s doing on this list in the first place.


Number 31: Meatwad

When it comes to smart-ass replies, you can’t beat my Meat.


Number 30: Lovecraft

He hates freedom, to be sure. But he also hates commies, which is a bigger plus than the former is a minus.


Number 29: Spaceman Spiff

At the other place he came out defending the Supreme Communists of the United States.


Number 28: Gert T

Whenever I speak of my time in Middletown, Ohio, he actually knows what I’m talking about.


Number 27: Porter

Porter has been more than accommodating on AIM whenever I’ve had a question (or seven) about MVP Baseball 2005.


Number 26: BX

Just because I disagree with 99.999999999 percent of what someone thinks regarding politics (and I’m still waiting for that 0.000000001 percent of something we agree on) doesn't mean I have to hate him for it.


Number 25: Flyboy

I liked the little bugger, in a master-likes-his-slave sort of way.


Number 24: Teke184/cop/whoever

Teke can also find me entertaining at times … wait a second, that was tekecop.


Number 23: Bored

I wound up getting sodomized by Kotz in the Meow Mix Pussy Bowl – oh, yeah, and Kotz correctly predicted more games during Bowl Week than I did.


Number 22: Danny Dubya

The eastern part of this state is so contaminated with Democrats that if Three Mile Island would have had a full meltdown it would improve the region.


Number 21: Cartman

He did some “Survivor” deal back in ’03. We've been around that long?


Number 20: Al Keiper

He patrols with a big stick. That’s wooden. And made in Louisville. Well, maybe not Lousville – I have no idea what with globalization and all.


Number 19: The Real World’s Champion

It’s hard to go wrong with someone that starts a thread titled: “ Mikey was at my school...” followed by “No word on if the gym collapsed.....”


Number 18: Bravesfan

Years back he had some pick 'em football contest and I think it eventually drove him mad.


Number 17: Wildbomb 4:20

Wildbomb finally caught on and realized that nobody at this place is going to significantly change his or her opinions because some faceless message board poster said something smart.


Number 16: Cerebus

He moved on to do stuff in the real world, such as make babies with his hot wife, teach and do other grown-up stuff that I’m still trying to stay away from.


Number 15: Slayer

He’s got enough common sense to stay away from liberal craziness, but at the same time he shakes his head whenever his red state of Kansas acts like … well, a red state.


Number 14: King of the 909

From reading the limited entries in his blog it doesn’t appear that royalty in a state filled with illegal aliens would be all that appealing.


Number 13: NoCal Mike

He’s one of the few left-wingers that I believe would vote for Ralph Nader.


Number 12: Bigolsmitty

What separates Smitty from most of the Marxists here is that he’s actually funny with his shtick. And by funny I don’t mean C-Bacon funny.


Number 11: sfaJack

If it weren’t for saps like sfa and myself getting up for work, paying taxes and keeping this economy humming, then Pedro wouldn’t be sneaking across the southern border to pick lettuce and Mohammad wouldn’t be sneaking across the northern border to blow up a commerce center.


Number 10: Jobber of the Week

If he would be as fiscally responsible in Congress as he says he is at TSM, then I wouldn’t mind if some of his treasonous ideas got through the cracks.


Number 9: Mr. Rant

Is it really necessary to put a "NSFW" warning to a thread titled "THIS COMPLETELY RUINS A GOOD CUM BATH?"


Number 8: Ripper

For the last time, black people don't tip.


Number 7: Vern Gagne

He's the Conservative Brigade member who loads the ammo inside the tank.


Number 6: Black Lushus

Mr. Lushus is from Nebraska, has legitimate children and works a full-time job, so what little street cred he had is long gone.


Number 5: Cancer Marney

She’s my goddess, not to mention protector -- if not from Abdul flying in coach with that fuse hanging out from his shoe, then from posters from across the pond.


Number 4: MikeSC

For those of you that ventured into the Current Events folder in its heyday you will probably never look at a Michael from South Carolina the same way ever again.


Number 3: nl5xsk1

For more than THREE YEARS I’ve been involved in a shootout of insults with someone because of a split-second thought and a few keystrokes.


Number 2: Dr. Tom

Reporting for duty, General.
































































































kkk's Top 103 Posters




Number 1: ???????


This selection may come as a surprise to some. Hell, this poster even once uttered one of my most hated lines of: “Can’t a cop/soldier just shoot someone in the leg instead of the chest so he doesn't get killed?” However, much like Padme when, with her final breath, said of her Jedi meat puppet, “there is good in him,” that is the same case with this poster – except for the gay sex and all that.


What got this poster so highly ranked? Well, for starters, he may hate his country, but he isn’t afraid to mock those who probably vote the same way he does in general elections. Also, CE vets may remember a few years ago back on April Fool’s Day a group of us deciding to post a mile in the other side’s shoes. Whose idea was it to do this? Mine, of course. But I needed a commie counterpart to pull this off, and this poster was more than happy to oblige. Then a few years later, after Eddie Guerrero passed away and the “You’re being serious” line became an instant classic, this same poster and I decided to spread the “_______ that make you think of Eddie Guerrero” threads to other folders.


Such as video games.


And movies.


And computers.


And books.


And porn.


And porn, again.


Was this dumb? Yeah. But was it funny? Well it seemed so at the time.


And while this poster hasn’t been around as often during W.'s second term than his first, the CE antics, along with a variety of other antics, made my final selection an easy choice. Besides, even though we were at opposite spectrums a few years ago (He's actually gotten quite conservative now that he's actually earning money and paying taxes, and Republicans have pissed me off quite a bit -- wait, does that mean the closer he got to the center was offset by my further tilt to the right because these so-called "small government" bitches in my Party have been anything but? Then again, I don't think I can get much more "conservative" because I don't consider myself much of a fundie, outside of the whole killing of the unborn. OK, now I'm really getting off track.), there are two things that will always unite message board posters: John Madden and porn. Err, let me rephrase that. How about the John Madden video game franchise and the porno industry? Yeah, that sounds better -- and it doesn't give "Boom! He's on his back!" a double meaning.


Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…











































































































…Dr. Tyler; Captain America


FOR AMERICA!!1++one, indeed.


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