SfaJack unknowingly opened up a can of worms with his comment in yesterday’s entry when he asked if I ever visited or plan to visit PNC Park. My answers? No, and fuck no. I bitched a bit about the way PNC Park was built a while back in my entry concerning local newspapers, but too bad; I’m now going to bitch some more.
The time was the early- to mid-1990s, and the Steelers and Pirates were playing at Three Rivers Stadium, a structure that when originally built in the 1970s was supposed to be the future of how stadiums were to be constructed, what with that futuristic-looking field turf and the ability for baseball AND football games to be played at the same site. Now I never had any problems with Three Rivers Stadium, but then again I didn’t have to play on that crappy Astroturf. In fact, I have quite a few memories from that place which I’ll probably share in an upcoming entry, and none of them dealt with how pretty the stadium looked.
The early- to mid-1990s was around the time when major-league franchises began extorting, err, telling their home cities that if they didn’t build them a new, state-of-the-art stadium or arena that the team would pack up and move to another city; Shittsburgh was experiencing this craze with both the Pirates and Steelers demanding new fields. These threats brought about a hippie referendum that went on the ballot in seven counties in and around the Shittsburgh area in 1997. The referendum was whether or not you approved of a one-half-of-one-percent tax to fund regional projects, which included of course new stadiums for the Pirates and Steelers (never mind the fact that a few years prior the region had implemented a tax for, [shock!] regional development, which included the area of sports facilities).
I’ve mentioned in the past that the liberal Shittsburgh Post-Gazette was all up on the nuts of the proposed tax increase, and for months this publication told us yokels how great this new tax would be, adding that if this measure wasn’t approved, the Pirates would move to a city like Raleigh, N.C., with the Steelers soon to follow. My favorite piece of media hysteria came a week or so before this vote when the Gazette ran an editorial that was supposed to be “the day after the Pirates moved to North Carolina,” where we got to learn of what a huge mistake all “no” voters were making. It was great fun to watch the voter backlash when this referendum crashed and burned in every county it was voted on. In the months leading up to this vote, we were constantly told how there was no “Plan B;” that this vote was “all or nothing” and would “deicide the future of (S)hittsburgh for years to come.” Oddly enough, after this vote, the local government found other ways of funding these stadiums. What was this measure called? Why, it was called “Plan B!”
Besides the pro-tax media acting like Chicken Little, the Pirates were also whining about the condition of Three Rivers Stadium, saying that with a sub par stadium they couldn’t financially compete with Major League Baseball’s bigger-market teams. The Pirates said that with a lack of luxury boxes, among other cash streams not available to them thanks to a crappy stadium, they couldn’t keep players like Barry Bonds and Bobby Bonilla, who at the time had both recently left for greener pastures. Why, if a new stadium was built, then the Pirates could be competitive again!
So against the will of the voters, the Pirates and Steelers got their new stadiums. And to this day I have refused to set foot in PNC Park or Heinz Field. Now considering people will their waiting list number for season tickets to their next of kin, I think my self-imposed boycott of Heinz Field games won’t be much of a problem. The Pirates are another matter. It’s been almost 10 years since the Pirates moved into PNC Park, and where are they now? For this team a good season is not losing 95 games. For this team a high payroll is more than $50 million. In fact, the Pirates are making a big deal because they increased their payroll this year, which makes them the fourth-lowest payroll in the big leagues. Sorry, but I refuse to pay major-league prices for a minor-league product. It’s like buying a leather recliner, a big-screen television with surround sound and watching a movie on a 30 year-old VHS tape. I must admit though that one time I almost caved into going to this den of evil, but that’s because my one friend from out of town was coming for a visit and expressed interested in attending a Pirate game. Fortunately, they were on the road for that week. The things I do for my friends.
Ironically, there is now talk of building a new arena for the Penguins, and the mood is quite different from back in the mid-‘90s. It’s funny because out of the three new structures: Heinz Field, PNC Park and a new arena, the arena would probably get the most use year-round. Yet politicians are dragging their feet regarding this issue. There’s currently some debate going on about having soon-to-be casino slots revenue go to pay for some costs of building a new arena, but that’s a whole other topic for a whole other blog entry. And despite the Penguins seriously contemplating moving to another city, there is a blip of the same media panic-mongering, if any at all.
Thanks, Sfa, for getting me inspired enough to bitch about the most expensive minor-league baseball stadium in America.
• Sure many Hollywood types are idiots when trying to espouse political viewpoints, but Michael Keaton is A-OK with me. I’m sure the guy’s a commie, but when it comes to sports, he’s a true Pirate “Bat-fan” – LOL-ONE-WIN-IN-EIGHT-GAMES. Before Keaton threw out the first pitch to the Pirates first home loss of the baseball season (and seventh overall), he stood in front of some news cameras and ragged on Pirate management, saying that ownership isn’t spending enough money on good players and taking the fans for granted. Ahahahaha. So the guy selected to throw out the first pitch for a new season – the ALL-STAR season – rags on the organization beforehand. Like I said before, God I love this team.
• Speaking of things I’ve said before, a while back I made some remarks about the alleged rape of a stripper by members of the Duke Lacrosse team. Like I said when the story broke, when it comes to rape allegations, if it’s a recent accusation, I’ll sit back and wait until more evidence presents itself. Well, more evidence did, or should I say, didn't show up. Gotta love the ol’ DNA test. Shit like this is part of the reason why I don’t bother with strippers or “exotic dancers.” The closest I ever came to this sort of thing was when a few of my friends chipped in and ordered a stripper to my one friend’s residence (I chose not to partake in this because I'd rather spend money on myself at the mall and oogle chicks there for free). From what I heard, the chick’s bodyguard threatened everyone there that if they even laid a finger on her she would leave and he would beat the shit out of all of them (from what my friends told me, he could have). So when the dancer did her thing, most of the spectators were shaking, due in part to the threats of physical harm, not to mention the inexperience many of them had in dealing with near-naked women.
• What the hell happened to Brad Pitt? No, he didn’t get a beer belly overnight. What I’m talking about deals more with his mental state than physical state. And no I’m also not talking about him dumping Jennifer Aniston for someone who Billy Bob Thorton stuck his dick into repeated times. (Actually, I do respect Angelina Jolie for her goodwill work; it's a shame she has to be affiliated with an organization as evil as the United Nations.) I remember back when Pitt did that “Seven Years in Tibet” movie he was asked by Time Magazine about his opinion on the whole China/Taiwan issue (or a similar topic dealing with that movie) and Pitt said something like “I’m just a fucking actor; I don’t know anything about that situation.” Now, years, later I read this:
Oh well, at least they’re not naming their kids (real or adopted) after fruit, although former NFL quarterbacks can’t be much bettet. However, if they named the kid "Garcia" they would get the best of both worlds: a fruity quarterback.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
As I was reading the comments from yesterday’s entry, I was suddenly getting flashbacks to my youth and all the hours I wasted playing video games. Bah, I actually don’t consider that time wasted. Going to school, doing homework, doing required community service in order to graduate high school – now that was a waste.
Although I had a decent variety of Sega Genesis games, I was mostly drawn to the sports-related genre. Below is a trip down memory lane featuring my favorite games of that era from the early-to-mid-1990s. I should note that there aren’t any baseball games below -- no offense to the baseball lovers out there.
#3 Lakers vs. Celtics and the NBA PLayoffs
It’s not the prettiest game out there, and the computer A.I. left something to be desired (my favorite “glitch” was with the Bulls and how Michael Jordan rarely took a shot). Also, you only got to pick from eight teams: Celtics, Pistons, 76ers, Bulls, Lakers, Suns, Spurs and Trailblazers. Despite all these flaws, if you had a few friends over, this was a fun game to play, or at least it was for me. The big feature in this game was the “signature move” one superstar on each team had. From Barkley’s gorilla dunk that started beyond the free-throw line to Magic’s no-look finger roll, these moves were the shizzle back in a time where the shizzle was not even a fizzle. Then there was the ultimate in cheese: the Tom Chambers double-pump dunk that you couldn’t stop no matter what. Next year's version (Bulls vs. Lakers) included more teams and an attempt at improved graphics, but there was something missing from that game which Lakers vs. Celtics had; God knows what it was, though. Oh, another thing I liked about the game was that everytime you scored the sideline coach would cheer, along with some players on the bench; if you missed a shot or turned the ball over, the coach would freak (hey, when it's 2 a.m. and you're running on fumes and Pepsi, a lot of things seem funny at the time).
#2 NHL ‘94
When Electronic Arts came out with NHL Hockey in the early 1990s, my neighborhood found a new favorite game to waste away on. Several of us had enjoyed the Nintendo Entertainment System’s Blades of Steel and that Ice Hockey game where you had teams consisting of fat, regular and thin players. But when NHL Hockey came out, this took hockey gaming to a new level for us. One thing I remember about this game was that for the longest time we thought the player whose jersey was “07” for the Los Angeles Kings was Luc Robitaille, when in fact it was someone else. (Thomas Sandstrom?) Anyway, the next year’s installment (NHL ’93) wasn’t as good and there were many days in which my friends and I chose to play the previous year’s version. However, when NHL ’94 came out, the first two NHL games were shelved forever. What made ’94 great was that it went back to game play more similar to NHL Hockey than NHL Hockey ’93. In addition, one-timers and penalty shots were introduced, there were more stats available for viewing, and players went on “hot” and “cold” streaks. But the greatest addition of all was being able to control your goalie. In the first two games there were certain type of shots that the A.I. goalie couldn’t stop no matter what, so whenever someone was lined up in a certain way it was pretty automatic that there was going to be a goal no matter what you tried to do on defense. That was no longer a concern with ’94; all you had to do was hold down the select button and you could be the Patrick Roy of your block. Out of all the sports games I played during my teen years, this by far the most competitive and exciting contests. Many games I engaged with other kids from my neighborhood in 2-1 or 4-3 affairs, and sometimes we actually had to take a break before playing the next game because we were emotionally spent.
#1 John Madden ‘93
A few years ago I went into an Electronics Boutique to purchase the newly released Madden ’03 game. Apparently, EB had teamed up with the ESPN brand of football games, and when I brought my purchase up to the counter, the clerk, who was wearing a 2k3 button, tried to change my mind about my choice of game. I responded by saying “Getting me to buy ESPN football over Madden would be like trying to get a four-time FDR voter to cast a ballot for Dewey in ’48.” For those that don’t follow political history, this line meant I have been raised on Madden football all my life and I will never switch brand loyalty (one of the few instances, along with Miracle Whip and Heinz Ketchup, that I will not use price or some other factor in my purchasing decision). I mentioned in a comment entry from yesterday’s thread that I had no desire to purchase Madden ’06, but that doesn’t mean I won’t ever purchase a future Madden game; it just means I’m content with the ’05 version. Anyway, my friends and I played our fair share of the original John Madden football game for the Genesis, which only had 16 unlicensed teams; let’s see if I can remember them all: In the NFC there was San Fran, Chicago, New York, Washington, Philadelphia, Minnesota, Los Angeles and Atlanta. In the AFC there was Miami, Buffalo, New England, Shittsburgh, Cincinnati, Houston (the Oilers, not the Texans, you youngins), Kansas City and Denver. The funny thing about these teams was that at the start of every game you could check out each franchise’s strengths and weaknesses. Now although they didn’t have specific athletes, each team was molded in its real-life counterpart. For example, although Philadelphia had a nasty defense and a really agile quarterback *coughRandallCunninghamcough* they had next-to-nothing when it came to receivers and running backs. And of course Denver had this certain “Golden-Armed Golden Boy.”
Anyway, after this game came Madden ’92, which featured every NFL team at the time. Although the graphics were better, much like my experiences mentioned above, there was something missing with this “new and improved” version. Thankfully, whatever it was missing Madden ’93 found. I can’t begin to count all the nights I spent beating my friends at this game. Sadly, although I enjoyed this game, a number of my acquaintances didn’t. So unlike NHL ’94, I had a much smaller pool of human competition to choose from. I can also say that I have never been defeated at this game. The last time I was “challenged” at this game was in ’95. My opponent picked Denver, and I went with one of my favorite teams for that game: the San Diego Chargers. The Bolts didn’t have a great quarterback or core of receivers, and their defense was so-so at best. What I loved about this team was that their trio of running backs was, collectively, the best in the game, and this enabled me to have a field day with my play selections. I was up by at least 21 come halftime, and the game was forfeited sometime early in the fourth quarter.
However, there was something else about this game that I remember. In Madden ’92 there was a new feature in which two players could play on the same team instead of playing against each other. This “teammates” function was in place for ’93, and the wording of this feature in the ’93 instruction booklet was the same as ’92, except for one paragraph at the end of its section. Here it is word-for-word: “When one player is dissatisified or upset with the play of his teammate, there is no need to argue. For example, if the player controlling the quarterback and the play-calling is making a lot of unwise decisions, both players should discuss the problems and come to an agreement – perhaps pause the game and decide together which play to run next. It’s okay to be angry, but don’t let your anger get the best of you, and never resort to violence.” I’m all but certain that this language was put into the ’93 guidebook because some soccer mom called to complain when her kids fought over this issue in the ’92 version of the game.
Another thing about Madden ’93 was that there was this “collector’s edition” which instead of having all current teams, went old-school and used more than 30 teams from the past, from the ’66 Packers to the ’90 Buffalo Bills. I paid nearly $100 for this game, and to this day I don’t regret the purchase because this was by far the most-played game I ever had for my Genesis. Also, the next year Madden football went to a new look and style; I never accepted these “improved” versions of Madden and it wasn't until the PS2 started producing games that I really felt the thrill of playing football on a video game console again.
So there you have it. Sure these three selections haven’t really stood the test of time, but there will always be a special place in my heart for this trio of games. And because I own PS2 versions of Madden ’05 and NHL ’06, with each of these games offering a “retro” option that allows me to play these games in a ’93 and ’94 look, respectively, I can always relive a bit of my younger days whenever I want.
• I love local news, and not in a good way. While Medium-Large Media have their own agenda and chose to ignore stories that don’t have to deal with Abu Ghrab and Halliburton, the more local stations focus on the good stuff, like cops catching some kids peeing in a water supply. A local story in my neck of the woods (although Drudge has since picked it up on his site) deals with this 10-year old who is protesting, with her parents’ consent, over getting “picked on” by school administrators for wearing mini-skirts to class. Of course, with this added attention, I’m sure it will just lure in some of her male classmates to oogle her without knowing why they’re doing so. And of course if something happens to her, like a when group of boys trying to look up her dress at the bottom of a stairwell, her parents will be the first ones bitching to the school about this inappropriate behavior.
Well I see this sort of thing isn't just limited to my neck of the woods. Maybe if parents cared about the quality of education their kids were receiving as they did with the local school's dress code, we as a country might fare better in those academic competitions where we always get beat by those dang Asians.
• As of this writing it looks like the Pirates are still be winless this year, leaving them and the Phillies the only teams without a victory so far this season. And while this team sucks on the field, their marketing department is even worse; then again it’s not like they have much to work with. This year’s slogan/campaign is “We will…” Before the season started, these two words were followed up by words like “Persevere,” “Fight” and “Not give up.” I’m sure there are a few more descriptive words that can follow “We will,” but the ones I’m thinking of don’t portray the team in an all-too positive light.
• I was eating an Eggo waffle this morning and something caught my eye when looking at its nutrition information. According to the Eggo box, one waffle is 100 calories while two waffles are 190 calories – huh? I guess if you eat three waffles then it’s only 270 calories. Going by this math, I guess once you get waffle numbers 11-12 you are home free; I'm sure your carb count will probably leave something to be desired though.
• I finished my first year of franchise mode in Madden ’05, and one thing I like almost as much as playing the games are the various off-season tasks to do, especially scouting and drafting rookies. This off-season had no significant departures from my team, save for Jerome Bettis who was pissy because I wasn’t starting him. So going into this draft, my only real need was to have a power back. I did some scouting, and when it came time for me to make a selection I was torn between a few running backs and a tight end that would really come in handy. The problem for me was that the tight end was projected to go in the second round and the several running backs available were projected to go in the first round, meaning the backs would probably end up with slightly better ability stats. There was some concern with drafting any of these first-round backs though, because I had some doubts about any of these them being high in the “break tackle” category, which is what I was really looking for, and the tight end had some excellent combine stats and a full slate of positive reviews. I bit the bullet and picked the tight end, figuring a decent back would be available next round (there were a few backs I had my eye on that were projected to go in the second round, and the tight end pool in this draft was really shallow; the tight end I was eying up was the highest projected player at his position). I bit the bullet and selected the tight end, and after selecting him got treated to a chorus of boos, meaning my fans weren't too thrilled with the pick. However, after I signed him to a contract, his stats were revealed: 78 overall, which was higher than either of my current tight ends and an excellent score for a drafted rookie. I’ve done a few pre-season games so far in the new year and I’m taking a real liking this guy. Although I still don’t have a “power back,” (my highest rating in this category among my three half backs and two full backs is in the low 80s) I’ll take this tight end over any of the rookie backs that were recently drafted.
Well today I turn the big 3-0. I normally don’t care about birthdays, but this one has affected me somewhat – it has for a few months now. When 2006 came around, I realized that I would be turning over a new digit on the left side of the age figure. This thought scared me, and not because I was closer to collecting a Social Security check that probably won’t be there for me anyway when I become eligible for it. I also wasn’t in crisis mode, wondering what happened to my life; I’m actually content in that aspect of my life for the most part. One thing that has been bugging me though is the fact I don’t have anything saved in the bank. When I graduated college I was 22 years old and started an unsuccessful attempt to get full-time employment in Sappy Valley. When I was 24 I was in Ohio doing the same thing all over again like I was in central Pennsylvania. I eventually found work, but it wasn’t full-time. Also, whenever I was able to save some money I had to bail the better half out of some financial trouble she got herself in while attending grad school. When we moved back to Pennsylvania in 2003 I was 27 years of age, and after several months of looking for a job that had something to do with my college education, I began saving money for the first time in my life.
Then came the new house, which I had to pay out several thousand dollars in closing costs and other fees. Then came the new computer that had to be purchased because the old one died. Then came the vet bills for our one cat that got sick. Then came the wedding, of which I had to subsidize several thousand dollars to the better half because she didn’t realize how expensive the reception hall would be. She also didn’t realize that all the things I had mentioned above (including a few others not listed) I solely paid for because she didn’t have the money to pay off half of each of these costs and had put her half of these expenses on a “tab” she will never pay me back for.
My 20s came and went, and I realized that this past January. What hit me was I had always heard while growing up that if you put away a small amount of money each year while in your 20s you’d end up with $10,000,000 (or some other similar figure) by the time you turned 65. Well I can say goodbye to that. I spent the last 10 years moving from place to place, not being able to save a dime, and now a decade has passed with nothing to show for it but a few gray hairs and some accumulated wisdom. My debt load isn’t too bad – I owe $6,800 on a school loan I thought I would have already paid off when I graduated college back in ’98. When 2006 got under way, I wrote down a list of things I wanted to accomplish, and topping this list was paying off my debt and starting to save for the long term. If everything goes as planned, I’ll have the debt paid off sometime this summer, and then I’ll focus on saving.
But financial matters aren’t the only things concerning me. I tend to ache more when doing activities that wouldn’t have bothered me 5-10 years ago. When I see kids playing basketball, I think to myself, “Why would I waste energy shooting hoops when I’ve got a lawn to mow?” I’m listening to music that was around during my childhood-early 20s because newer material just doesn’t appeal to me. I would rather look at an attractive 40-year old than a 20-year old. I’m listening to rhetoric by political parties and able to remember years back when they had the opposite stance that same issue. I don’t mean to do these things; they are just coming natural to me. However, I must say that I’m fighting this getting old thing, or at least I’m picking the battles I know I can win. For example, I haven’t started bitching (much) about the cost of things now as opposed to 10-15 years ago (not even the cost of gasoline – taxes are another matter, however). I don’t say times today are worse off now than they ever have been (at least not until Democrats are in charge). And I don’t wear my pants up to my belly button (yet).
Rather than feeling the effects of aging another decade, I think this was a wake-up call letting me know that I’m an adult, and as an adult I better get my ass in gear with some areas of my life that I haven’t focused on as much as I should have over the years.
Then again, maybe turning 30 is the best thing to have happened to me since I turning, well, 20.
• By now news of the alleged rape committed by members of Duke’s lacrosse team has been all over the media. Did these rich white kids have their way with a black stripper at an off-campus party? I don’t know. Rape is a serious allegation, and it can be extremely difficult to prove in a court of law. My rule of thumb regarding rape allegations is if the incident recently took place, I’ll wait until more facts/evidence is presented; the Duke situation falls into this category. Let the evidence present itself first, then make a decision.
When Kobe Bryant was accused of rape, I took the same stance. Because the incident was reported in a timely manner, I let the alleged victim make her case. Even though in the end I decided for myself that this wasn’t a rape incident, I didn’t just blindly go “OMG here’s another white girl is just trying to collect a payday.”
One of the most unfortunate aspects of these kinds of cases, other than the actual incident itself, is that just applying common sense could have prevented many of them. Girls, don’t go to a man’s hotel room at 3 a.m.; guys, don’t go to a party that is likely to get out of control. Do I sound like a fuddy duddy? Probably. But this is the way I lived my life for the most part (there have been exceptions, of course), and thanks in large part to my choices regarding not getting involved in situations that had the potential to be disastrous, I have stayed away from trouble.
Like I said earlier about my rule on how I treat a rape case, I give the benefit of the doubt to an alleged victim if the incident is reported shortly after it occurred. However, when claims are made years after the fact, I don’t want to hear them. A prime example of this came with that female kicker for the University of Colorado some years back. In 2004 she alleged that she was verbally abused, harassed and molested by other players and raped by a teammate back in 1999. The fact you waited five years to present this information leaves me with zero sympathy. Likewise that alleged rape of Juanita Broderick by Bill Clinton. The fact this (allegedly) happened several decades ago made me indifferent to whole thing. (In addition to this being my general opinion on rape cases, I also share the same sentiment when it comes to molestation cases dealing with priests.)
It should be interesting to see the fallout from this. If it turns out the alleged victim is making this story up because someone called her the “n” word, then there’s going to be a lot of apologies (at the very least) due. However, if this is a case of rape, then I say lock up the perpetrators and throw away the key.
• Well, today’s opening day for Major League Baseball. Now I’m not even going to pretend I know what I’m talking about regarding this sport, especially when there are other people at this place like Bored, who eat batting averages and on base percentages for lunch. I wasn’t into baseball during my late-teens/mid-20s, but over the last few years I’ve started to warm up to the sport again. I’m not sure why I have this change of heart; it’s certainly not due to the performance of my hometown team. Maybe this could be the year the Pirates reach the .500 mark. Believe me, if that’s the case it will be like the Pirates won the NL Central around here. Actually, back in the late 90’s (I think the year was ’97) the Pirates were in a division race for most of the season, yet they never got above the .500 mark. I was in college at the time, and many of my friends were going crazy over the fact the Pirates were in first place, yet were losing more games than they were winning. In the end, the Houston Astros woke up late in the season and took the division, only to get swept by the Braves in the first round. However, when your hometown team has experienced 14 consecutive losing seasons, I guess fans will take anything they can get.
Because my upcoming b-day falls on a workday this year, the better half gave me my presents today. She constantly bitches that I’m hard to shop for, which I always thought was a good thing because that means I’m not materialistic. When it comes to gifts, nothing is better than CDs, DVDs or video games (except maybe gift cards so I can get what I want whenever it goes on sale). Even though I spend most of my disposable income on the three things mentioned above, DVD gifts are usually what I prefer to get, and this year she went 3-for-3 in the present category.
My first gift was a gimmie: Season 7 of South Park. Seeing how I have the first six seasons already, it’s pretty much a no-brainer I’d be looking to add this to my collection. However, this season was when I began to stop watching “South Park” during their episodes' first run. Instead of staying up past when I normally go to bed on a work night, or setting the VCR (I’m lazy), I figured it will just be more convenient to wait until the DVD comes out and get a season's worth of shows then. Although Season 7 had some episodes that were great (Krazy Kripples, Christian Rock Hard, South Park is Gay and It’s Christmas in Canada, to name a few), there were others I didn’t care for, such as the one spoofing Jennifer Lopez and the one dealing with Cartman’s obsession with Casa Bonita. In addition, I felt a bit short-changed with the episode dealing with the Iraq war – the payoff wasn’t that satisfying to me, and it reminded me a bit of that episode dealing with Terri Schiavo and the removal of her feeding tube. (Although it was great to hear the Founding Fathers go “rabble rabble rabble.")
The second thing I got was the soundtrack to “Team America: World Police.” A few months ago I had the movie’s “AIDS” song stuck in my head for about a week, and I guess that’s where Mrs. kkk got the idea to get me this album. A good idea it was, considering I already had the movie on DVD and liked several songs such as “Everyone has AIDS,” “America, Fuck Yeah,” and “Montage.” In regards to the movie itself, I was a bit disappointed by it. However, I think a large part of my letdown stems from me expecting too much. I try not to give a movie too high of expectations, but sometimes you just can't help it. (Kevin Smith's "Dogma" was another film that I had this problem with.) Overall I liked the movie, but it seemed to drag on in some places. But when it hit, it hit hard. Along with making fun of a number of Hollywood celebrities and the United Nations, I liked a lot of the film’s smaller touches, such as black cats being vicious “panthers” and seeing tropical fish in the “ocean” scenes. And then there was the dialogue, more specifically "Matt Damon," a phrase that the better half and I now use whenever the other person says or does something stupid. In addition, it’s nice to know that the Chiodo Brothers, creators of “Killer Klowns from Outer Space,” one of my favorite cheesy films of all-time, produced the puppets in "Team America." I’m sure there won’t be a sequel to this movie, but some work is better than no work, especially in the film industry.
The third present was an “Uncle Buck” DVD. The odd thing about this selection is that I was never really a fan of John Candy when many of his movies were first shown in the 1980s. However, as I got older and watched these films again I began to appreciate them more; perhaps I didn’t quite get Candy’s humor as a kid, or perhaps my sense of what’s funny is getting diluted. I must say however that I always loved one particular scene in “Uncle Buck” when he’s talking a school administrator with a sizeable mole on her face. If you saw this movie, you know what I’m talking about, and if you haven’t seen this movie, I don’t know what to tell you.
Well, the Final Four is wrapping up and thus nears the end of another college basketball season. Now we all complete those hippie bracket sheets at the start of the tournament, filled with hopes that our upset picks will come to fruition and that our predicted winners will coast to victory. But a funny thing always happens on the road to the Final Four -- they actually play the games and your picks get shot to hell. I'll man up though and take a look a what I thought were good selections a few weeks ago. All of my picks can be found in my March 16 entry:
The Good:
I had Texas making it to the regional finals and losing.
I predicted Shitt losing in the second round. However, I didn't expect them to lose to a 13 seed (although it doesn't really surprise me).
I got the bottom half of my Oakland bracket correct, which includes Alabama's first-round upset.
I picked Tennessee, a 2 seed, to lose in the second round, just to a different team than they actually did.
I selected Wisconsin-Milwaukee as a first-round upset (too bad I also had them as a second-round winner).
I had Georgetown beating the 2 seed Ohio State (but not Florida beating the Hoyas in the third round).
I picked Bucknell in that high-risk 8-9 seed matchup.
Forget The Bad, These Were Just Ugly:
I had Duke beating LSU and reaching the Final Four.
I had Syracuse reaching the third round.
Iowa beat Southern Illionis in the second round in my bracket; in reality West Virginia defeated Northwestern State.
Kansas reached the fourth round in kkk world.
Seton Hall was one of my Cinderella stories, what with them reaching the third round in my bracket, only to lose to North Carolina.
George Mason was a first-round exit.
Sure there were some other losses that hit my bracket hard, such as Boston College's early defeat (I had them winning it all). But hey, it was by only one point. It wasn't like they lost by 20 in the first round like the Seton Hall BUTT Pirates. Oh well, there's always next year. One thing I'll have to remember is not to listen to my woody telling me that the Big East is the way to go. I knew Villanova wasn't going to get to the Final Four, but I had a few of my upset specials come out of this conference, and the only thing special about these teams was the short bus that probably drove them to the arena.
Even though most of us can't pick these games worth shit, this is still way more enjoyable than the retarded way we determine so-called National Champions in Division I-A Football. Now although I think there should be some sort of playoff system, I can understand in a way those that want to keep these lame Bowel Game (that's not a type-o, btw). However, don't then even attempt to say one team deserves to be called "National Champs." If you want to end the college football season with conference play, then have the top teams play in meaningless one-game exhibitions a month or so later, that's great. But don't even try to make some determination of which team was the best for that year.
• I’m not too good at giving directions, even though I try my darndest. Back when I used to work at the convenience store, I used to get plenty of people asking me where certain streets/buildings/etc. were and I’d just go “derp.” The only exception to this was on the weekends, when a local flea market would open. The reason I knew the location of this swap meet? Because it was literally only a few miles down the street from my workplace. Even though I always started out trying to be as helpful as I could to these people, it almost always ended in disaster. Despite the flea market only being a straight shot away, the handful of lost customers who asked me where this place was would ALWAYS question my directions of “just go straight through the intersection on Wildwood Road and it will appear on your left a few miles down.” One time this guy even whipped out a hand-written map and said that’s not where the flea market was located according to his directions, to which my response was, “well then follow your map and ignore the directions of someone who has lived in this area for six years and has visited this flea market on several occasions.” That response didn’t go over too well.
Flea market pilgrims aside, the reason I always try to be as helpful as I can to someone lost is because I’m, for the most part, a believer in karma and know if I’m ever in need of directions I’d want to get someone who is as good-intentioned as me when it comes to helping wayward travelers. Well, early this morning I was at work and realized I needed to get batteries for the digital camera. I headed out to the nearby grocery store, and as I was approaching the sliding doors, this black lady in some rusted-out hooptie called out to me. I approached her and she told me that she had gotten off the wrong exit off I-376 and was looking for the local Olive Garden. Now I only work in this area and don’t venture out much, so at first I told her that I couldn’t think of one around here. However, the little hamster in his wheel that powers my thought process kicked it into overdrive while this lady was explaining her predicament. Suddenly, I remembered where the Olive Garden was – I drove past there a few times while exploring the area when I first started my job. The problem was that I wasn’t sure of all the street names from where we were to where she would have had to go. I told her that I remembered where the Olive Garden was located. Because she was parked in the middle of the road and causing a backup in traffic, I said that if she would park her car I could write the directions down for her. She suddenly snapped in a ghetto fashion, “I ain’t got no time fo’ dat! I was ‘sposed to be o’er dere’ five minutes ago!” and sped off. Bitch. Oh well, I think I got a few extra points from the Karma Gods on that one.
• So the NFL powers-that-be decided that excessive touchdown celebrations will result in a 15-yard penalty. Lame. Sure many of these pre-planned dances and stunts are stupid, but are they really that bad? I actually enjoyed Chad Johnson’s antics last year, and before Terrell Owens drew the ire of ESPN for picking on Donovan McNabb, I was entertained by a number of his touchdown celebrations; I admit to being amused at that thing he did with the pom-pom’s a few years ago, not to mention that incident in Dallas where he went to midfield and defaced the 50-yard Star.
• While some creative end-zone celebrations may get a chuckle out of me, this story gets a full-fledged LOL. With all the PC/Affirmative Action bullshit that’s run rampant on universities today, it’s only poetic justice that there’s at least one college out there that is turning away more qualified female applicants in favor of less qualified male ones. The reason? Because there are less males going to Big Academia than women. That’s right, baby. Diversity is a two-way street, and if it’s really diverse it’s at least a four-way intersection. I especially loved the way this sure-fire feminazi ended her article, “I admire the brilliant successes of our daughters. To parents and the students getting thin (rejection) envelopes, I apologize for the demographic realities.” You ought to be apologizing for your institution’s practice of discrimination.
• Gotta love the Europeans. I guess their fans at soccer games can get a bit unruly and FIFA has issued reminders that RACISM will not be tolerated. Of course, you could always punish the FANS who are being racist shitheads, but that would require individual responsibility, and this is Europe we’re taking about after all. I don’t know much about European society, but I do know that some of their soccer enthusiasts put U.S. idiot fans to shame.
• So the city of Houston took in the evacuees of Hurricane Katrina and what do they have to show for it? A rise in crime. Thank God nobody wants to come to my city; we have enough derelicts as it is.
• Will someone please put General Motors out of my misery? It’s hard to feel bad for a company that set itself up for a huge fall when instead of cutting back and streamlining, they agreed with unions to let laid-off workers sit in these jobs banks, collecting a fat paycheck and receiving health benefits.
• So how much is it worth to find true love? Apparently $12,000 if you’re some schmoe suing eHarmony.com for not being allowed to sign up for this dating service. The reason he was turned down? He’s still married, which is a no-no, according to eHarmony. On a side note, I don’t understand why anyone would join that place. It’s not that finding love on the Internet is necessarily a bad thing (it can’t be any worse than the local bar scene), but rather because the Web site’s founder is one of the most annoying commercial spokespeople in recent memory. Also, I so want to see these testimonials from those couples they show on television a few years down the road when the shine of wedded bliss has long faded.
• I mentioned in Carnival’s blog that I have been regulating the feeding of my three cats. By giving each a quarter-cup of food in the morning and at night, I’m hoping this will prevent any health-related problems with them such as diabetes. The problem with this though is that now it’s nearly impossible to cook anything because you get overrun by felines on the hunt for food. This evening I was cooking a Lean Pocket in the oven (I can’t stand eating those things straight out of the microwave; it takes longer to bake a Pocket, but it’s worth it in the end.) and was getting a turkey sandwich prepared for a brief baking. The Lean Pocket was ready to be taken out, so I partially opened the oven door and turned back to finish putting the condiments on the sandwich. It was at this time when JJ trotted into the kitchen and began sniffing around; my guess is that he was smelling the Chicken Quesadilla Lean Pocket. I kept an eye on him and noticed that his backside began wiggling, which is always followed by a lunge/leap/charge. When I realized that he was about to jump in an oven that’s been at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, I reached for him, but I was too late. He jumped INTO THE OVEN. Fortunately, he’s not very coordinated and he only managed to get his front end onto the oven’s opening. His weight made the door fall all the way down, and I was able to get him to jump off the door completely.
When I turned around back to my sandwich, I saw Dessa (who jumped up onto the island counter -- where my sandwich was -- while I was dealing with JJ) sniffing the turkey meat that was out. As I picked her up off the island, the little bitch snagged a slice of turkey in her mouth while in mid-air and took off with it under the living room coffee table. Thank God Max was too busy looking out an opened window and didn’t get in on this action.
If you don’t read Bored’s blog, which deals mostly with sports stuff, especially when it comes to nostalgia-related matters, then get your hippie ass over there now. While I’m not one for debating who was more deserving of seventh place for the 1991 Cy Young award (I don't even know who won it -- Jack Morris?), he recently said something that struck a chord with me. When debating which multi-millionaire deserved the 2003 AL MVP award, he remarked, “And god damn do baseball cards suck now or what?”
Yes they do. And thanks for the idea.
As a kid, I loved collecting sports cards, particularly those dealing with baseball and football. In the 1980s and early 1990s I actively took part in this hobby. However, after around 1993 I stopped collecting, mostly because it seemed that the industry went from collecting for fun to collecting for money. Packs of cards that used to cost 50 cents for a pack of 15 (and that gum – blech) went up to several dollars for a pack of less than 10 cards. No thanks.
I never collected cards for the money; I collected out of nostalgia. Now that I’m older, I’m grateful that I’ve managed to hold onto these little pieces of memorabilia. A few months ago I opened up my collection and went through some boxes, just to see how the cards are holding up, and I couldn’t get myself away from shuffling through thousands upon thousands of these cards. The last time I did any sort of “inventory” on my cards was in the late 1990s, and one of these days I need to go back and re-organize these bad boys.
Like I said, most of my collecting was done during the 1980s and early 1990s, but I also have a few cards from the 1970s and 1960s that I picked up at various shows and hobby stores over the years. However, for me the 1980s and early 1990s were a great time for collecting baseball cards, and below is a list of my favorite designs of this era. Keep in mind I do just about everything in life half-assed, so I have no real criteria or rhyme or reason for some of the years I prefer. The only rule I set was to make each of my “Top 5” from a different company. The reason for this is there are a few designs I like with similar layouts, so that’s kind of like double-dipping to me (see the 1986 and 1991 Donruss brands below).
Without further ado, here is my Top 5. Keep in mind the rankings are determined by an extremely complicated win-share formula that if I showed you I'd have to kill you.
Number 5:
1988 Score
I didn’t collect a lot of this brand, which came out toward the end of my collecting days, but I always liked the 1988 year, mostly because of bright color schemes on the front. Plus I liked that little triangle at the bottom where the player’s name and position is, and there was that white frame around the player's image; those were some nice touches. I give this a 20 win-share.
Number 4:
1990 Donruss
I was never a fan of Donruss cards, although like I said above, they had a design scheme in 1986 that I liked, which was used again (sorta) in their 1991 set. However, I also dug their 1990 design, which seemed to be a drastic change from how they usually produced their cards. Donruss went with a base red color and an artsy font for names. In addition, the “speckles” used as an enhancer effectively broke up the solid background. I give this a 35 win-share.
Number 3:
1990 Upper Deck
I have a love-hate relationship with Upper Deck. When these cards came out on the market, it was an omen that my days of being involved with this hobby were numbered. These cards were pricier than what I had been used to collecting, and there weren’t as many cards per pack, but damn there some nice-looking designs. The 1989-1991 sets all pretty much looked the same, so I went with the 1990 brand because it had a simpler design than the other two years, and when you dealt with cards that looked this good, sometimes it’s best to keep it simple. I give this a 75 win-share.
Number 2:
1987 Topps
Topps was the big dog of card companies during this time, but I never really got into their designs; most of the time they just seemed stale. However, 1987 was an exception. That wooden background brought out the colorful box where the player’s name was printed. Also, it was a near-perfect complement to the team logo, which was at the top left corner of the card. I give this a 76 win-share. (Originally I had the Topps brand at number 3 and Upper Deck at number 2, but upon further review I couldn’t let the brand that helped bring about my disinterest in the industry lounge in the second slot.)
Number 1: 1984 Fleer:
By far my favorite baseball card design, and I really can’t explain why. There was no real color coordination for teams, like the 1987 Topps or 1988 Score cards. There wasn’t a fancy background, like the 1990 Donruss brand, and it certainly wasn’t made of the same quality as the 1991 Upper Deck set. However, the white background meshes perfectly with the blue bars, and the white and black text is a great combination, as is the placement of the team’s logo on the lower right corner. This gets a 10,000 win-share for me.
Like I said before, there were a few other cards that I liked which didn’t make the cut. They include, in no particular order:
1986 Donruss
1991 Donruss (note the resemblance in design, or at least there is one for me)
1989 Fleer
1982 Topps
1990 Topps.
In addition, there was a 1988 Classic Card series that for some reason I’ve always liked, and it dealt with Phil Nieko’s final year in the major leagues. There’s one card featuring him on the Indians, another card of him pitching for the Blue Jays and a final card of him finishing off his career where it started, with the Braves.
But baseball cards weren’t the only things I collected. There was also football, a topic I’ll cover in a future entry.
• And Hollywood wonders why Red State America finds them out of touch. Take Sharon Stone (please) and her reason why she thinks Hitlery shouldn’t run for President just yet. “This may sound odd, but a woman should be past her sexuality when she runs. Hillary still has sexual power and I don't think people will accept that. It’s too threatening.”
There are a lot of things I think about when the subject of Hitlery sprouts up, and anything dealing with the word “sexual” isn’t on this list. Then again, if by “sexual power” Stone means grabbing your hubby by the balls and twisting until you get your way, then she may be on to something.
Speaking of this stupid bitch (Stone, not Hitlery), here’s more evidence of why I can’t stand her. From another interview: “I was in the store the other day and I watched a young girl trying on clothes, showing her abdomen. Her mother was trying to talk to her about not being inappropriately luring. I said, ‘Gee that would look much nicer with a camisole under.’ Her mother walked away, and I said to the girl, ‘I'd like to give you a two-minute conversation about sex.’”
Liberals like her are the same people who bitch about the Religious Right wanting to get into your wombs and Uncle Sam trying to set up shop in your bedrooms, yet she wants to engage in on-the-spot conversations about sex with kids that aren’t her own? Hopefully she’ll take her own advice and end up getting herpes one day around her yapper. Oh, and then there’s this quote, “If you're in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I'm not embarrassed to tell them.”
To any young girls out there, Uncle kkk offers this advice. If you’re in a situation where you "cannot get out of sex," knee the wanna-be rapist in the balls. If you can’t do that and are forced to give a blow job – bite down. Hard. Oh, and if you're hot, a/s/l plz.
• Here we go again with Big Brother invading our privacy. Some hired goon pretended to be a political opponent in order to view that person's credit report. I bet this poor victim's telephones were also wire-tapped. Oh, wait. The person who pleaded guilty was a former staff member of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee, and the victim was a Republican running for governor of Maryland? Never mind.
• OK, now this is the real deal. The evil Bush administration just got slammed by an appeals court for making public an illegally taped telephone conversation of a political rival. Ha. Now the truth is coming out. Wait, the person who got slammed was Washington state Democrat Jim McDermott, who 10 years ago turned over to New York Slimes reporters a cell phone call involving former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and other GOP leaders? Never mind.
• I just heard on the radio that, for the next election in my great state of Pennsylvania, our government is spending tens of millions of dollars to replace our perfectly adequate voting machines with used voting electronic voting machines that probably won't be ready in time. To make matters better, some of these machines are from Illinois, home of Cook County and voters that rise from the dead every few years to vote for Democrats. Oh, this will be a fun upcoming election season.
• So a bunch of illegals took to the streets this weekend to bitch about being treated like a foreigners. Okie Dokie. I’m getting sick of hearing about this subject, because what’s the point of debating? For every study that claims these unregistered residents of the United States of America, there’s one that shows how much of a burden these people are. Nothing will get done about this problem. Why, these undocumented workers do the jobs no American would do and we’d all be paying $10 for a head of lettuce. Whatever. Guess I have to get used to the taste of salsa because these illegal aliens aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
One of my rules to maintaining a happy existence is not to get involved in matchmaking. Heed these words of wisdom. The reason I bring this up now is because the better half is trying to play Chuck Woolery (only without the penis) with one of her friends. I talked about this chick a while back, and to make a long story short she’s approaching the ripe old age of 27 and is moaning that she’s going to be an unwedded, childless spinster for the rest of her life.
A few years ago she was slated to get married, but her groom-to-be bailed with two months to go before the big day. Ever since then she’s been trying desperately to find Mr. Right, or even Mr. He’s Not That Bad. Let me do a quick rundown of some of the guys she’s bedded since the jilting. There was this one guy with webbed feet who told her he just wanted to be friends; friends that fuck, that is. Oh, and from what I heard, this guy is under a court order never to be near his child from a previous marriage. There was that guy who was her date at my wedding, got shit-faced and talked about suicide after she broke up with him. He wasn’t that bad a guy, but she had decided she couldn’t be with him because she was in love with the webbed foot person. The most recent guy called it quits Sunday with her because, according to him, she didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. Of course, his definition of “going out” involved her attending his weekly pool and bowling league competitions (the final blow for him came when she didn't attend one of these leagues Saturday night). Oh, and this guy also refers to himself in the third person.
I should mention that her taste in men has been less-than-stellar even before the “wedding, or lack thereof” incident. Before this, she dated some guy in high school who used to beat the shit out of her (oddly enough, I found out later that this guy was the grandson of the elderly family the better half and I bought our house from). She also dated some guy who was sentenced for several months in jail for two charges of corruption of a minor (prosecutors tried to get him on rape, but to no avail). Also, the guy she was supposed to marry wasn’t all up there either; one time when Mrs. kkk and her were having a “girls’ night out” at a local restaurant, I was told this guy called her on the cell phone a dozen times in a two-hour period. He thought she was cheating on him; as it turns out, he dumped her to be with some gal he was boning on the side, not to mention in the missionary position, doggy-style, etc.
Anyway, after Mr. Talks In The Third Person dumped her last night, she called the better half crying hysterically because this guy was going to be "the one," or at least "the next one." When this phone call ended, my beloved said that she wanted to set her friend up with this guy who was the brother of the ex-boyfriend of her niece. Now I have nothing against my niece’s ex; in fact, I’d rather have him as a nephew than the out-of-control teen that is my niece-in-law. When Mrs. kkk asked me what I thought of setting her friend up, I looked up from watching an all-day James Bond marathon and said it was a bad idea. A very bad idea.
I can understand if you’re a chick and want to help your friend find Mr. Right. I can understand if you’re a guy and want to hook up your buddy with some quick poon. But you just don’t do it. If I know someone and another of my acquaintances inquires as to the availability of said friend, I’ll let them know if they’re in a relationship or on the open market. I might even give a personality overview like “Yeah, she’s nice,” or “He’s a good guy.” Hell, if I get annoyed by my friend constantly talking him or her, I might even say something like “Well then ask her out dip shit.” But under no circumstances will I go any further than that.
And besides, I can’t wait until the better half’s friend hooks up with some slime ball just because he stayed around her longer than three weeks. Hopefully some children will be involved, which will only add to the fun stories that are sure to come from this match made in heaven.
• There are a lot of things in this world that piss me off, but in the grand scheme of things most of these things are nothing I lose sleep over. However, there are a few things that truly get me mad. One of them is when a police officer is involved in a shooting, and some shitbag lawyer or ACLU-type bitch complains that the cop had to shoot and kill the suspect. Usually, their reasoning is, “Well couldn’t the officer have shot the person in the arm or leg?” Another thing that just angers me to no end are these high-speed police chases. On Wednesday the FAUX NEWS REPORT (lol2006) spent half of the program broadcasting one of these pursuits taking place in California. Not only was this asshole suspected of Grand Theft Auto, but also he was going 80-90 mph in residential areas. I’m sure this asshole eventually got caught; I don’t care how great a person he was before this chase, but he should never see the light of day after trying to avoid the law and putting the lives of innocent motorists and pedestrians around him in danger. The said thing is if he would have gotten into an accident and killed someone, some people would blame the cops for chasing him. Anyone that starts one of these pursuits should be charged with attempted vehicular homicide or something for every car or pedestrian he or she passes. These people should never breath the sweet air of freedom for the rest of their miserable existence.
• This is why I hate picking games/tournament brackets/etc. I loathe the Duke Blue Devils, but I was hoping they’d win last night because I had them losing to Boston College in the Championship Game several rounds down the road in my bracket. Bastards.
• Last night I got to catch up on my video game playing. First I put in NHL ’06, where I was riding a humble one-game winning streak after losing six in a row (I’m in my first season in franchise mode, or whatever the hell it’s called). I can deal with losing, but each game I lost during this streak was by one goal, and several of them were lost in the last 20 seconds of the third period. I’m about seven points out of the playoff hunt. I’m only 20 or so games in the season, so I’m still trying to get used to the game play. However, last night I was dreading going up against the Florida Panthers, who are in first place in their division and had a 98-rated goaltender. To my surprise I won 5-3, although I almost blew a three-goal lead. (For the record, I play 5-minute periods at the hard, but not impossible, level with the penalty bar maxed out.) I’m not sure what to do with the Pens; I’m planning on dumping Sergei Gonchar before the trading deadline. He’s my best defenseman, but he’s also eating up a $5 million/year salary, and I’ll need that money to sign some of my younger players in the next year or so. I’m also torn on whether or not to trade Lemieux – I know he’s going to retire after this season, but damnit, he’s MARIO LEMIEUX! Besides, he’s the only center I have that’s any good, although Kraft does OK on the second line, especially when playing a Behind the Net offense scene. And, damnit, I’d be trading away MARIO LEMIEUX!
• After NHL ’06, I popped in Madden ’05 and lost against the Bengals for the second time this season. My running game was stuffed, although Maddox did have 370 yards passing, his best of the season so far. It was one of the more exciting games I had in recent memory, and if I have to lose a game this is the way I want to go out – 20-26 in OT. I had two chances to win in OT, but I couldn’t convert a 4th and 1 at their 38-yard line, and on my next drive I came up just short on a 53-yard FG attempt. (I recently started over with my franchise and have it at all-star setting with the penalties maxed out and 13-minute quarters.)
And down the final stretch I come. For those that don't know I'm commenting on people I know from this hippie list. If you want to read parts I-III then go to 3/11, 3/10, and 3/8.
I saw number 51 Doug McIntyre on Dennis Miller's short-lived CNBC show, and I liked him whenever he was on that Varsity panel.
52-53: Never heard of 'em.
Never listened to number 54's Mitch Album's radio show, but I see/hear him from time-to-time. That's enough for me.
55-60: Now I'm cruising – most of the rest of this list will probably be local people that aren't local in my market.
The only exposure I have received from the occupiers of the 61 spot (Bob & Tom) is from their television commercials. That is enough for me.
I don't hate Thom Hartmann, who is at 62, because he's a commie. I hate him because he was one of the people that were part of the "new" WPTT, which as a result bumped Boortz. Bastards. I listened to him once for about 5 minutes, laughed and switched back to Rush.
63-76: It says Tom Sullivan fills in for Rush, but with the exception of Walter Williams, I change the channel when there are fill-in hosts.
Now we're getting somewhere. Number 77 Fred Honsberger is a guy I have listened to on KDKA since 1994. When I was away from Shittsburgh from '99-'03, one of the few things I missed from that place was his radio show. "Honzman" is a perfect example of how local radio can compete with the evil CLEAR CHANNELS of the world. It's simple. Have an entertaining show. Fred's program goes up against Hannity in my market, and if Honsberger is taking calls from stupid union workers who loathe the Wal-Marts of the world, there is nothing more entertaining for my ears. Ever since WPGB started up, Fred's show has become a bit more "newsy," which means a lot more boring interviews. When this happens, I usually turn on Mark Madden's local sports show (Yes, that Mark Madden) or, if I'm feeling lucky, turn on Hannity and pray he's worth listening to for the next 20 minutes or so.
The second Shittsburgher on this list is number 78, Jim Quinn (with part-time sidekick Rose). I remember listening to this guy as a kid when he was a Top 40 DJ on some pop radio station called B-94 with a guy named Banana Don. Then Quinn got canned over some sexual harassment lawsuit by this chick that used to read the news. He then got on the RIGHT-WING RADIO bandwagon in the early '90s, when the market wasn't as saturated. Since then he has carved out a nice little niche for himself in the morning, and when he moved to WPGB after being on another station for a decade, he got a few more stations to broadcast his morning show from in Pennsylvania, Ohio and West Virginia. The show itself isn't that great because most of what he does is read articles that other people wrote, but what else am I going to listen to early in the morning? Besides, he has this sound clip that he treats like Rush's old "caller abortions." It's the sound of someone ululating followed by an explosion; this sound clip was packaged as a key chain last year that was called the "Mobile Martyr," and yes, I bought one. The funny thing is this thing goes off whenever it wants, and there have been a few times I blew up a Palestinian youth when I didn’t mean to, much to the chagrin of some strangers around me.
Oh, and Quinn's old partner, Banana Don? He got canned a few years ago when Howard Stern moved to 93.7 FM.
79: Steve who? Next.
When I lived near Cincinnati, I didn't listen to number 80 Bill Cunningham, who was on WLW, a station I didn’t frequent (WKRC was my RIGHT-WING RADIO station of choice in Cincy), but I've heard him on Hannity's show as a guest, and I'd rather listen to Bill from 3-6 p.m. than Sean.
81-91: Dunno.
Like Cunningham, number 92 Mike McConnell was on WLW I didn't listen to him while living in Cincinnati. However, he also has this syndicated weekend show, and whenever I'm doing errands in the car, I make sure to tune him in. Good stuff.
93-95: Let’s skip Chip and friends.
The last person I know on this list is Bruce Williams (96), and I used to listen to him all the time while living in Sappy Valley. Basically, he's an old guy who gave all kinds of advice. My one former co-worker thought this would be an intellectual show, but in fact it was just the opposite. It was like Dr. Laura for people too cheap to get legitimate legal/financial assistance. There are two calls that I still remember after all these years. One dealt with a guy who wanted to buy a business from someone else (I think it was a pizza shop, but I’m not sure). He said that the seller claimed the business made a certain amount of money "on the books," which wasn't an impressive sum, but "off the books" it made a killing. He then asked Bruce if this was a good investment. Bruce responded with “So you’re going to take somebody’s word that his business, which is a failure on paper, makes money illegally?” Can’t remember what the caller said, but I don’t think he went with this investment opportunity. The other caller was some lady that got a $10,000 deposit in her bank account. She spent it all, and about a week later some bank from Canada told her the deposit was a mistake and that they wanted the money back. Bruce said to the lady, "Do you always spend money that's in your account which you didn't put there?" Her answer? "Yes."
97-100: The End.
Now there were a bunch of names off this list that were mentioned, but I don't feel like talking about any of them. Although I have to note that Lynn Cullen, a local Shittsburgh personality, isn't on this list -- so, WPTT, you took off Boortz, who's ranked NUMBER NINE on this list for someone who isn’t even featured? Go to hell, you joke of a radio station. Hell yeah I'm still bitter about this.
And also, why isn't Paul Harvey on this list?! The guy's more than 80 years old and is still pimping.
• So I was heading out from work today when I heard about a potential sniper in some building in downtown Shittsburgh, effectively paralyzing the city. Great. And I had to go downtown to pick up the better half from her job. I pulled into a gas station and filled up the tank, expecting to be in gridlock for some time while trying to get around the Fort Pitt tunnels, which had been shut off, according to news reports. Then when I got back in the car, I heard that all was resolved. Apparently, some guy had been shooting pigeons with a pellet gun. I can’t wait until this makes its way around the wires, if it hasn’t already. Instead of making some smart-ass remark, I’m going to defend the city/county police. According to local news reports, the police handled this situation well, so I’ll tip my cap to my favorite city to rag on. Actually, I’ll take it a step further and say that the newly elected mayor, Bob O’Connor, seems like a decent guy, and I hope he can turn the financial woes of Shittsburgh around. Sure he’s a Democrat, but when you’re dealing with urban areas, you pretty much have to take what you can get.
Truth be told, not only am I hopeful that O’Connor will do a good job, but I also like the Democrat Allegheny County Executive Dan Onorato. Ever since he got elected a few years ago, he’s seemed like a stand up guy and hasn’t been afraid to appear on local talk shows and debate/discuss regional issues; he's even managed to piss off some of the local Democrat machine by trying to streamline county government, a promise he made on the campaign trail. If he would run for governor, I might consider switching my registration so I could vote for him in a primary against that asshole Ed Rendell. Onorato won’t make me want to buy a house in Allegheny County, but he’s a great start.
• On the other side of police efficiency, the Florida Corrections Department put a former minor league baseball player on the payroll in a no-show job so that he could help prison guards win a softball tournament, according to investigators. If this were one of those guards/inmate contests, wouldn’t it have been easier to take away the prisoners’ weights for a month or so prior to the game?
• A bus maintenance worker in Los Angeles is calling it quits at his job – at 100 years of age. According to the article, this guy worked at this place in 1924-1928, left and returned in 1934, and has been there ever since. The scary part? No, it’s not that he was a bus driver (he wasn’t); during all this time he has missed only one day of work.
• Now this was … interesting.
If the guy cut off his member and was still going strong, I’m surprised a Taser was able to slow him down. Goddamn. Apparently the reason he sliced off his johnson was because of trouble with his girlfriend. I don’t think things got any better after that, unless wanting to be a eunuch was his original intent.
• I don’t know what to think of this chick that banged her 14-year old student. I guess what leaves a sour taste in my mouth is that if it was a male teacher who did this to a female student, we wouldn’t be hearing about how the guy has a bipolar disorder and wants to start a journalism career so “he can express himself in writing." This guy accused would be beating the feminazis back with a stick, and I wouldn’t blame these ravenous harpies for wanting his hide. The person I really feel for is this crazy chick’s husband; not only do we now know that he wasn't able to get the job done in the bedroom, but also that she preferred some kid who isn’t old enough to drive a car over him.
Today we had to take Dessa to the vet. Having done this for about seven years now, the better half and I have devised an efficient way to round up whoever needs to go and get their shots. A while back I read somewhere that cats can understand a few words, and if this is indeed the case, “time to go to the vet” has to be one of those familiar phrases. Every time one of them has to go in the carrier, they all seem to have a sixth sense that something is up.
Most of the time when we get home from work, the three of them get up from the spots where they spent the day sleeping and meet us at the front door, hoping we will go into their feeding room and give them some Meow Mix. However, today JJ was under the dining room table, Dessa was under the living room coffee table, and Max was behind some chairs under the kitchen island. And none of them wanted to move. While Mrs. kkk rounded up the unlucky kitty, I went downstairs to get the carrier, which is large enough to comfortably fit a medium-sized dog. After getting confirmation that the target has been picked up, I picked up this contraption. This is when the fur hits the fan. The two cats that aren’t tied up make a beeline for underneath a bed, either in the master bedroom on the first floor or upstairs in the spare bedroom. The cat that is picked up tries to get away, but to no avail (usually – JJ can sometimes wrestle away if given enough space). Once we drop the contained cat into the carrier, they start immediately with the crying, like that’s going to make a difference. “You know, Max, we were going to take you to the vet for your rabies and distemper shots, but after that last whimper you convinced us otherwise.”
Fortunately, Dessa checked out with a clean bill of health, but she could have been in much worse shape on the trip back home. I’m a pretty defensive driver, and one thing I HATE is when another motorist is trying to direct you when they have no control on impending traffic. A good example of this is when you are at a stop light at a four-way intersection and want to turn left. Across from you is a motorist in the left lane of their two-lane road and is waving you on to turn. There’s just one problem: YOU CAN’T SEE WHAT IS COMING IN THE OTHER LANE! These people are the embodiment of liberalism. They have good intentions, but if you follow their path you will surely regret it.
Well, this sort of thing happened to me on the way home from the vet. While driving along the left lane of Rt. 30 West, which is a two-lane highway, I noticed this vehicle in the right lane that had its right blinker on and had slowed down to a near halt. As my eyes were focusing back on the road, I noticed the motorist was making a “waving” gesture, and suddenly I realized this person was probably letting someone pull out. I slammed on the brakes. There was no screeching or the smell of burnt rubber, but there might as well have been. Suddenly this old guy in a red four-door car pulled out in front of me and the bitch that had waved him out. Had I not stopped, I would have plowed into him head-on because he was trying to cross our two lanes to get on Rt. 30 East.
I wasn’t mad at him as much as I was pissed off at the person who said it was OK for him to pull out in oncoming traffic. It wasn’t worth shouting at this bitch because my windows were up and she was already halfway into her turn to the parking lot when I snapped out of my “Christ this could have been a bad accident” trance.
On a side note, while we were at the vet, I couldn’t help but laugh at this black lab that was freaked out by having to be in the vet’s waiting room. You could tell he didn’t want to be there because his tail was in-between his legs and he wasn’t walking but rather being slid across the linoleum floor by his owner. But when his owner took a seat, the dog sniffed the lady next to him, and just like that his tail was wagging and he was having a great time being petted. Of course with Dessa all she does is just sit there and pout in her carrier; even when we take her back home, she bolts out of the carrier and hides under a bed for a couple of hours. The two males we have aren’t as bad, but they won’t be mistaken for that black lab anytime in the near future.
• Ah the joys of relationships. Several days ago the better half got a cold, which of course was passed onto me just in time for the weekend. So as I spent my leisure time sweating one minute and shivering the next, there was another perk to this condition. Whenever we go to bed, she sounds like Kyle’s cousin from "South Park." If I’m not listening to her gurgle excess phlegm, I am awakened to her hacking a lung out several times a night. Tonight should be a joy.
• Thanks to Hawk 34 for pointing out that the first AFRICIAN-AMERICAN TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS finished an impressive 38th. Perhaps if there was a police car following him throughout the race, he would have finished with a better time. Actually, I think this guy will feel like an outsider for quite a while. Not because he’s black, but rather because he sounds quite articulate. No, this isn’t another “He speaks so well!” backhanded compliment that's given to a black person trying to fit in white society; he’s probably the most well-spoken NASCAR driver I’ve heard since, well, ever. Then again I don’t follow NASCAR, so maybe there are some other yankees who haven’t mastered the Southern drawl yet.
• And Hollywood wonders why people aren’t going to movies. Susan Sarandon is slated to play Cindy Sheehan in some hippie movie. Whoever makes this piece of crap deserves to lose the untold millions it would cost to produce.
• About a week ago I saw some of “The Simple Life,” and had no words to describe the horror I saw. I didn’t think there could be anything to top this. I was wrong. The sad thing this guy probably has a SAT score above 1300. I like the “Blue Collar” stand-up and all, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to a theater and shelling out $8 to watch some guy say “Git-R-Done” for 90 minutes. It would be interesting, though, just to see who does buy tickets to this film.
• When the World Baseball Classic concludes tonight, there will only be two players from Major League Baseball on display – pitcher Akinori Otsuka and outfielder Ichiro Suzuki. Big deal. The Pirates would kill just to get a hold of the South African roster. Oh, yeah. Go Japan; fuck those commies. Unless any want to defect after the game – then welcome aboard.
• And while I’m talking about March Madness, I have to give the Women’s Tournament props. They finally got someone to dunk. Uh, great, I guess. Then again, my vertical leaves something to be desired. On an unrelated story, a few years back I ran an office March Madness pool at work; if memory serves, I got about 70 people to pony up $1 and fill out their brackets. While an enjoyable experience and overall morale booster, the best part came when some feminazi asked me why I wasn’t doing a pool for the women’s tournament. I think my response of “What a great idea, and you’d only have to charge a quarter entry fee instead of $1,” didn’t totally offend her, but my ears were warm for the next 20 minutes or so.
Check that. The best part came when the chick who won the contest told me if it was OK that her husband was the one who filled out her bracket. While I didn't care who filled out these forms, it was fun giving her a guilty conscience for the next few days, especially since she was someone who cared about other people's feelings and well-being. Sucker.
• So I have ESPN’s “Outside the Lines” on right now as background noise and they’re talking about RACISM in sports, or something. There is this panel on and suddenly I hear them talking about the Rush Limbaugh/Donovan McNabb incident. Eagles safety Brian Dawkins went on to say how horrible this incident was and this ‘n that.
Christ almighty; give it up. A perfect example of what Rush was talking about back then is going on now in NASCAR. This weekend I have heard countless times about some black guy who qualified for a race and how he’s the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS 20 YEARS AGO. Hey, ESPN, this is what Rush, and many other people, complain about – who gives a shit if a driver is black or some other race? You PC bitches shove this politically correct bullshit down our throats and many of us are tired of listening to it. I hope to God this black dude doesn’t win whatever race he’s in. No, not because he’s black, but because I think ESPN will do to his next race what they did to the last Duke/UNC college basketball game, with each ESPN station having a different camera angle set up on this poor driver. Hey, watch the race on ESPN which features the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS. If you want to be inside the car with the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS WILLY T. RIBBS, switch over to ESPN 2. If you want to see Bill Lester's wife in the stands during this race, switch on over to ESPN U; did you know that Lester is the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS? And if you want to see a special presentation of former racecar driver Willy T. Ribbs, switch over to ESPN Classic Say, did you know that Bill Lester is driving today? Yeah, he's the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS.
And while we’re at it – where are all the NFL white cornerbacks? Surely there are some people of my race that can blanket a wide receiver in man-to-man coverage.
Great, now they brought up how NBA attendance is down and if it is due to today’s THUG BALLERZ that the white ticket buyers don't want to see. Also, is the newly installed NBA dress code RACIST as well? Oh, no. Stephen A. Smith is on the Sports Reporters, as well as Dan LebaRetard and Mitch Album? What in the hell happened to this show that I used to watch when I was a kid? I have to turn this shit off, now.
• Yet another reason why I don’t blame people for wanting the death penalty for lowlife pieces of shit. Not only is Andrea Yates remarried, but she is also getting a second trial for drowning her kids. I wonder if Katie Couric bought Yates something off of the bridal registry?
• And while I’m talking about wedding registries, one of the plusses to getting married is that you get to set-up one of these things. Of course, the problem is nobody ever gets you anything you want off of your registry, or at least that was the case for me. Now I can sympathize with people not wanting to pitch in and buy a new sink base stand (or whatever the hell those things are called), which was one of the things the better half put on our registry, but for God’s sake what’s the point of buying us a single TOWEL? However, on the bright side, we got a bunch of mini-cooking appliances (two George Foreman grills, a cuisinart, a quesadilla maker, and a crockpot, to name a few). Of course, I could have bought 10 of each of these things and have some change left over if I didn’t have to shell out $14k for the wedding, but whatever. Here’s a tip to all the single guys out there whose better halves want a “traditional” wedding with all the stupid “protocol” that's involved in one of these money pits. Make sure, when they want this “traditional” wedding with all the trimmings, to make it really traditional and have her parents pay for the whole thing.
• Last night I caught the end of a Hannity & Colems segment where Sean was yelling at some hippie bowtie-wearing politician from Oregon. Although I normally skip past these exchanges because they are nothing more than “Why do you hate our country and not support our troops?” sound bites, this liberal putz actually said something that made me keep this channel on for longer than a few seconds. He was complaining about how it was time for U.S. troops to leave Iraqand that this country's people need to be more self-reliant. Woah, I think this is the first time I’ve heard a lib say that some person/group needs to stop being coddled and pull themselves up from their bootstraps. Now all I need to hear is how Republicans are for small government and fiscal responsibility.
• Some guy in South Carolina who recently kidnapped and raped two teen-age girls in a ready-made “dungeon” (all allegedly, of course) was finally caught. And what a surprise, he has been convicted of sexual assault before (this victim was 12 years old) and only spent nine years in jail for the crime. I guess it could have been worse; he could have been in Vermont and only needed to spend a weekend in counseling. I was watching cable news this morning and heard that the judge who issued this “harsh” sentence blamed prosecutors for not building a better case the first time he was caught raping – nice spin, asshole. I wonder if Bill O’Reilly is going to go after the red diaper doper baby judge who locked this guy up with a light the first time? I certainly hope so; it’s fun to watch these bitches get called on their bullshit judgments.
• Today was movie day for me, considering I am in the midst of battling a cold given to me a few days ago by the better half. Now laying around doing nothing is usually par for the course on a Saturday, but because I am sick I now have an excuse. The first movie I popped in was one of my favorite “spoof” movies of all time. Now many people will associate Shawn and Marlon Waynes with “Scary Movie,” but before they hit it big with that, they did a similar feature that was, in my opinion, much better. Titled, “Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood,” this 1996 gem goofed on a number of “life in the ghetto” movies. If you’re a fan of “ghetto” movies, or you thought “Scary Movie” was funny, see “Don’t Be A Menace” now.
The second part of this double feature was another comedy, “As Good As It Gets.” This is one of my favorite comedies, although it is a bit on the long side for me. However, this movie has some of my favorite movie lines, such as “People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch,” “I got JEWS at my table” and the following exchange:
“How do you write women so well?”
“I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.”
• So the Dallas Cowboys are going to take a chance on T.O. – man is this going to be a fun year. Also, the Miami Dolphins gave up a second-round pick to acquire Daunte Culpepper from the Minnesota Vikings. Personally, I think it was a good move on the Dolphins part. Even though Culpepper has been inconsistent at times and suffered a season-ending injury last year, a second-round pick seems like a reasonable gamble for a quarterback that has shown to be of MVP-caliber in the past.
Since there was some talk about southwestern Ohio grocery stores in yesterday's entry, I figure now would be a good time to talk about why I can’t stand Bigg’s. Well, it’s not really a good time, but I’m feeling too lazy to talk about much else.
For those that don't know, Bigg’s is kinda like Wal-Mart, only not yet ready to take over the world. At the job I worked at in Ohio, many times I trekked over to the nearby Bigg’s and bought some grub during my lunch break. I did this for several reasons. 1) It was a nice little walk, and I needed to stretch my legs after sitting down for a 4-hour work interval. Oh who am I kidding – I spent most of the time goofing off, but it was a nice walk nevertheless. 2) Going to a grocery/retail store instead of heading toward Wendy’s or Burger King gives you a wider, and healthier, selection of food to choose from. 3) These lunches were cheaper, and more filling, than a value meal. The only problem with going to Bigg's several times a week was that most of the cashiers who worked there were full-timers, so I saw them just about everyday. This got annoying because many of them got on my nerves. However, I usually just zoned out during my transactions and tried to avoid the retarded chitchat many customer service representatives try to engage you in.
One day I had a friend with me who wanted to try out the “kkk lunch run;” we got a few items each and headed to a checkout lane. Now at every checkout lane there are these rubber sticks that are used as dividers in-between the orders of different customers. I call them the “Great Dividers.” Now, I use these things just like any other reasonable person would, however, on this day I didn’t. You see, the customer in front of me had his order rung up by the cashier, and as my friend and I approached the register there was nothing on this conveyer belt. I put my apple and a few other munchies on this belt and turned to say something to my companion. When I turned back, the cashier was weighing my apple as the customer in front of me just stood there. When I let the cashier know that apple was mine, she said “Well why didn’t you use the divider?” Because, bitch, I thought I’d be insulting your intelligence by using the Great Divider when there WAS NOTHING ELSE ON THE FUCKING CONVEYOR BELT.
I can’t remember what I said back to her, but it wasn’t offensive (if it was, then I would have remembered it verbatim). However, the encounter must have been tense enough for the person I was with because she took the Great Divider and separated her 2-3 items from my several things, which were on the other side of the conveyor belt next to the scanning device. The cashier then said something that made me laugh out loud. She picked up the Great Divider, pointed to my traveling mate’s stuff and snapped, "Are these yours?”
Well of course, bitch. Don’t you see the Great Divider?
I was only in Ohio for a few months after this encounter, but whenever I went to that Bigg’s I made it a point to always use the Great Divider every time I went into a checkout line. It was gratifying to go to the aforementioned bitch’s lane and whip out the Great Divider when I went to pay for my bagel, beverage and fruit, especially so if the person in front of me already had his or items items scanned and there was nothing else on the conveyor belt. Hey bitch, don’t question the power of the Great Divider.
I wish I could say this was the only time I had trouble with cashiers in the southwest Ohio region, but sadly it wasn’t. There was also the time I told a bag boy to get cancer, but that’s another story for another time.
You know what pisses me off? When certain businesses that do nothing to improve their product over the years suddenly blame the Wal-Marts and Targets of the world for their misery. In my area there are three “major” grocery store chains: Foodland, Shop ‘n Save and Giant Eagle. My local Giant Eagle store is so much better in terms of price, cleanliness and variety of products than a nearby Shop ‘n Save. I shopped at the latter a few times and vowed never to return. (I don't have a Foodland within a short driving distance from my house, so they're out of this story.)
Now that my community is starting to grow, and bigger retail chains have begun to set up shop. Earlier this month a Target opened up next to Giant Eagle, and there has been a local controversy with a Mega-Wal-Mart trying to get built in the same area. After some legal battles, the Wal-Mart has been approved and will probably begin construction sometime in the near future. Because of this Wal-Mart being built, the Shop ‘n Save store has announced it will be closing at the end of April. Representatives from the store have cited the upcoming Wal-Mart as the main reason why they are folding up their tent.
Good.
Fuck you Shop ‘n Save. You aren’t being run out because of big, bad Wal-Mart. You’re being run out because your prices suck, your brand selection leaves something to be desired, and you have made no attempts to upgrade over the years. Giant Eagle has acknowledged the competition and is meeting it head on. The store has lowered prices on a number of items and has introduced a “personal shopper” program. I’ve talked about this system before, but for those that haven’t heard me describe it here we go.
You have to be a Giant Eagle “advantage card” member, and what you do is scan your card at this machine and pick up a scanning device. Basically what you do is ring up and bag your order as you go. I have said before that although you spend more time shopping due to scanning and putting stuff in your grocery bags, I love this system for a number of reasons. 1) You get to see how much your running tab is as you shop. 2) You can bag items that you normally store together; this saves a lot of time at home unpacking. 3) You don’t have to wait in line, and you don’t have to hear the cashiers complain to each other about how much longer their shift is.
Another thing Giant Eagle has introduced in the last year or so is a line of convenience stores. For every $50 you spend in groceries, you get 10 cents off a gallon of gasoline on an upcoming fuel purchase. Is there a huge savings? Not really. But every couple of months, it’s nice to get $1 off per gallon of gas when filling up at one of these “Get-Go” stations.
Will this Giant Eagle survive with the increased competition from Target and Wal-Mart? I hope so. I don’t hate Wal-Mart, and I do some shopping there, but I don’t shop for groceries. I think one of the reasons I refuse to is because I don’t want to wait in line for an hour just to buy food and other products that I can’t get at a grocery store. As for Shop ‘n Save (and I’m sure Foodland will go under, too, considering those stores are worse than Shop ‘n Save), good-bye and good riddance.
• I’m not a huge fan of television. I mean, I watch it plenty, but if it doesn’t involve news or sports I don’t tune in every week to watch. Thanks to DVDs, I have started buying a few shows (The Shield, South Park, Lost, to name a few) and watch them commercial-free and at my leisure.
That being said, I was channel surfing yesterday afternoon and came across the E! network, who apparently boughts the right to re-air “The Simple Life,” starring Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Now although this show is several years old, it’s new to me. Oh my God what a train wreck. I have no words to describe what I saw for that 30 minutes or so. I mean … wow. That’s all I have to say on this matter. Just … wow.
• So this chick is selling ad space on her pregger belly, and some Internet company will broadcast the eventual birth. I have to give this lady props for being creative, but she would have made even more money had she auctioned broadcasting rights to this kid’s conception nine months prior.
• In order to cut costs, many newspapers are dropping those pages of stock prices. Makes sense to me. After all, most people can get the results on-line. And if someone does not have Internet access, I’m sure they aren’t checking the stock page on a daily basis anyway.
• Wow, not as many people are going to see movies. I’m sure the mindset in Hollywood now it not to make films people want to see, but rather they haven’t produced enough gay cowboy films.
• And speaking of gay cowboy films, I finally got around to watching “Hidalgo;” sadly, it wasn’t as good as I thought it would be. However, what stuck out to me were all the offensive things that occurred to Muslim men in this film. I mean, I thought going overseas with your mixed breed horse to participate in some dessert race was one of the worst things you could do to a Muslim male (it appeared that way from the reaction Frank Hopkins and his horse received). But then I realized that wanting to shake hands and ruin the ability for a sheik to see into the future was one of the worst things you could do to a Muslim male. However, I soon noticed that wanting to help a fellow racer stuck in quicksand or whose steed turned up lame was one of the worst things you could do to a Muslim male. But then I saw that touching a daughter while protecting her from unseen attackers (or at least that’s what you thought they were at the time) was one of the worst things you could do to a Muslim male (not to mention one of the worst things you could do to your reproductive organs). I’m surprised this film was even made, what with all the offensive material directed at the Muslim male in it. Hopefully, this movie isn’t seen by any radical clerics wanting to stir up trouble; if some cartoons can cause widespread mayhem and death, Allah only knows what’s going to happen with this film filled with RACISM and hate.
Third verse, different from the first.
• Kim Komando comes in at number 24, and she’s some tech chick. Being in my local market, I’ve listened to her show a few times if I’m driving somewhere. Nothing special, but she’s managed a niche market for herself, so you go girl.
• Bill Bennett, number 25. You can bet that I have no desire to listen to this show.
• I’ve seen one-half of the number 26 Curtis and Kuby duo on Hannity’s radio and television show. The one who’s not the commie started the Guardian Angels or something. I guess that’s good.
• Clark Howard chimes in at number 27. He’s on from 6-10 on my shitty WPTT station, so I haven’t heard his show but once or twice. However, he’s been on Boortz’s show (they broadcast from the same flagship station), and I’ve listened to some hippie daily minute sound bite he does. He’s cheaper than me, and that’s saying something.
• George Noory is number 28. I didn’t care for Art Bell (How many times has he retired now?), and I don’t care for this kook. Look, if listening to overnight radio like this is your thing, then cool. I remember listening to Bell before the year 2000 hit, and some of the Y2K stuff he was going off about was utterly insane. Also, how many goddamn phone numbers does this show have? To call west of the Rockies, dial this; to call east of the Rockies, dial that. If you’re in the phone booth down the street, call the underground line. Christ almighty.
• Michael Medved comes in at number 29. He’s a Jew and reviews movies. I’ve heard him sub for Rush, and I’ve seen him on cable news and C-Span. Lots of people that don’t like the Parents Television Council and the Media Research Center don’t like Medved, so I’m sure there are some things I would like about him and others I’d just roll my eyes over.
• 30-32: Huh?
• 33: I know nothing of this Lionel hippie other than that his show got canned when I lived in Ohio in favor of Michael Savage’s show.
• 34-37: I’ve heard of Tom Leykis (34), but I’ve never observed him in any media outlet. The others in these entries are nothing to me.
• 38: Ugh, I wouldn’t mind Rush using sub hosts if many of them weren’t so awful. Roger Hedgecock is one of those who when I hear his voice I know I’ll be tuning in to Jim Rome that day. In fact, the only sub host I enjoy listening to is Walter Williams.
• 39: Pass.
• Tony Snow is number 40. I didn’t care for him when he subbed for Rush, but I guess I’m in the minority since he has his own show now. More power to him, I guess. Just don’t expect me to listen to it.
• Oh God, G. Gordon Liddy’s (number 41) show was on in Sappy Valley and it was boring as shit. Hell, most of the time he just read from the newspaper in a monotone voice that would make Ben Stein sleepy. One thing that did made me chuckle was his constant refusal to say “Washington Post” (he always bleeped out the “Post” part. Gee, I wonder why?
• I’ve heard of numbers 42-44 in one way or another over the years, but I don’t care about any of them. Also, who the hell is number 45?
• Mike and Mike in the morning on ESPN radio comes in at number 46 – I have better things to do with my mornings than listen to this.
• Man, Vern Gagne was pissed when Phil Hendrie was announced at number 47 while Air America people were ranked 20+ spots higher. Sadly, I have listened to his program for about 20 minutes one night while driving in an area that carried his show, so I can’t really comment on him. But if Vern and MikeSC like him, then I’m sure his OK. Also, anyone that does a character voice for the “Team America” movie can’t be all that bad (he was the voice of “Intelligence”).
• Never heard of numbers 48 or 50, but Dennis Prager (who’s at number 49) has been pimped by a few people I know. That’s all I got.
God damnit, I thought I’d be done with this by now, but I’m only half-way finished? Zoinks.
Here is Part II of my take on the top 100 RIGHT-WING RADIO hosts, as determined by Talkers magazine. I ended my last installment with Neal Boortz at number nine, so now let’s get crackin’.
• OK, I don’t really care about Air America, but how in the hell are any of them, let alone two, in the Top 20? And if one of them were to be in the Top 10, I’d guess it’d be Al Franken. After all, he has his show on that hippie Independent Film Channel (or at least he did; I don’t know if it’s still on, but I’m guessing it is) and has been the face of Air America since its inception. But no, Randi Rhodes is number 10 – the only thing I know about her is that she ran some bit with a gunshot sound bite a while back, which I guess was to tell us all to kill the President or something. I know that wasn’t its intention; I think it had something to do with Social Security. I didn’t care then, and I don’t care now.
• Bill O’Reilly is number 11? LOL. I don’t hate the guy like other people I know, and I do watch “The Factor” every now and then. But damn is his radio show awful. In fact, my local affiliate, KDKA, just moved him from his noon-2 p.m. time slot to late night, which usually means it’s not doing too well.
• Mancow completes this dirty dozen. I don’t know much about him. I think he’s based out of Chicago, and whenever I’ve seen him on a certain cable news channel known for being fair and balanced, I have been entertained. If he stays on the air in this format for a long time, I’m sure he’ll eventually replace the local FM morning guy I listen to who, incidentally, is also on this list.
• Ed Schultz is number 13. Once again, I haven’t listened to his radio show, but I have seen him in the cable television world. He’s a liberal guy, but the few times I’ve seen him I didn’t think he was all that bad. In fact, the one segment he did with David Horowitz and some other guy, he completely outclassed them. The only think I don’t like about Schultz (and it doesn’t really pertain to him personally) is that NBC’s Today Show did a story on him and called him competition for Rush, even though at the time he was on about four radio stations. I really hate it when Medium-Large Media call the newest liberal talk-radio host the next challenger to Rush. Limbaugh’s on 500 or so radio stations; nobody’s going to directly “challenge” him for a while, if ever. Let any upstart liberal talk-radio guy do his or her thing, and see if they have the ability to beat out the other RIGHT-WING RADIO national hosts in other time slots before even thinking about comparing their success to Rush’s accomplishments. OK, I’m done.
• One reason this list is b.s. is because Rhoes and Schultz are ahead of Glenn Beck, who is number 14. I am not a huge Beck fan, but this guy is one of the most-listened to RIGHT-WING RADIO hosts in the country and is getting his own show on Headline News. I wish WPGB would have Boortz in the 10-noon slot, but Beck is the big dog in this time; I guess it could be worse. I must say though that Mrs. kkk LOVES Beck, and I don’t think she would be as right-wing as she is if she didn’t start listening to him when he first went national in 2001. Even though his material is hit-or-miss with me, the fact he’s not in the Top 10 completely discredits this list for me.
• Jim Bohannon is number 15. Don’t care. I used to listen to his show when I worked at Sappy Valley just because there was nothing else on. I heard him a few years ago while driving in New Jersey and realized I still wasn’t missing much.
• If you ever watch Hannity’s show on the FAUX NEWS CHANNEL (lol2006), you might notice this guy who the camera focuses on every now and then. Well, he’s Alan Colmes, and he also has his own talk show. Sadly, I’ve never heard it, and even though it’s on in my market, I don’t normally listen to talk-radio late at night. I actually like Alan because he’s one of the few liberals with a sense of humor. Here’s one example why I like him: One night the two of them were talking about this incident on a school bus where one kid was beating the crap out of the another kid. Hannity then began to spout some tired gibberish about how liberals wouldn’t want the kid getting beat up to defend himself and said that Alan, when he has a kid of that age, would want his kid to take the abuse. Alan just gave Sean a “wtf?” look and said, "I’d make sure he had a good lawyer.” Well, it made me laugh.
• Number 17 is Jim Rome, one of my favorite sports talk guys. He always pimps the interviews he gets on his show, but that’s when I usually change the station. My favorite parts of his show are when the callers and e-mailers make their voices heard. I’m sure this schtick might seem tiresome to regular listeners, but I tune in maybe 1-2 times per week, so it’s still entertaining to me.
• See my post about Rhodes and you’ll get my opinion on Franken, who is at number 18. Also, numbers 19-23 I know nothing about, so I’ll just stop here for now.
