KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 33: Hawk 34
Even though we have never met, Hawk and I have an unbreakable bond that can never be broken, much like the one I have with fellow poster Gert T. What's that bond? We have all lived in or near the Middletown, Ohio, region. With its unique mix of white and ghetto trash, Middletown has this charm that other, more developed communities lack. Oh there were many a night when I saw the flashing lights of a police car racing down by my townhouse along Clark Street off to catch some hooligans. Speaking of racing, Hawk likes that NASCAR stuff. I don’t know how that’s a redeeming quality to me, seeing I don’t really care about this sport (yes, I call it a sport), but whatever. And you know what, even though he’s been suspected of being the previously banned poster Choken One, I really don’t care. I had no qualms with Choken, so even if Hawk is the “One,” thus swerving nobody on this board but me, big deal. I do have several reasons to believe Hawk isn’t Choken, and one of them is that Hawk has shown me a picture of his squeeze. Even though she is hot, I don’t believe they are cousins. Now if Hawk would have only sent me a picture of her without all those pesky clothes, he might have cracked the Top 20.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Black Lushus:
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
5:45 p.m.
• So I stayed 15 minutes past my normal workday and decided to let the better half, who was home sick, know that I was going to be late. As I told her this over the phone, she then said, “Can you stop and get me a Happy Meal?” (I can already hear the “Vyce” jokes being typed.)
FUCK.
No, it’s not that I hate spending money – well, OK, it’s partly that – but it’s more that Happy Meal = McDonald’s, and the only Golden Arches that’s on the way home from work is a shithole. Well, the store itself isn’t too bad, but all their employees are ghetto trash and the service is awful. Every time I have stopped there, I swear to Christ that it takes at least 10 minutes for them to get an order done. But oh well, I’m a great good average at least I don’t cheat husband, so I went.
I pulled in and the first thing I do is make that all-important decision: Drive-thru or in-store? Generally, my rule is if the drive-thru line is a few cars deep I’ll brave this route; otherwise, just go inside. Because there were no cars in plain sight in the drive-thru I figured what the heck and made my choice. Besides, at this store it really doesn’t matter because no matter where you go – you’re going to be waiting regardless. As I pulled to the speaker and delivered my order I looked at my dashboard clock – 3:52 p.m. I had the “Who Made Who” soundtrack playing and skipped to “Chase the Ace,” my favorite track on the album. I love how that shit picks up as the song continues. As much as I like the first track, the self-titled “Who Made Who,” I can only listen to the first two verses before getting bored, and “For Those About to Rock” has the opposite effect for me; I usually fast-forward to around the 4-minute mark when the cannons start firing. “You Shook Me All Night Long” is another solid offering, but, like “Who Made Who,” I start zoning out after the first verse or two. “Sink the Pink” and “Shake Your Foundations” are good tracks to have on as background noise. I generally don’t pay attention to “Hells Bells.” Those other two tracks – eh. Have I mentioned how awful the movie to this soundtrack is?
3:55 p.m. OK, when I placed my order there were only two vehicles in front of me. And the first automobile hasn’t budged. “Chase The Ace” is over and I want more AC/DC, but no more “Maximum Overdrive” memories. I reach into my portfolio bag and pull out “Highway to Hell.” Good enough, I’ll play “Girls Got Rhythm,” which is, at the moment, my favorite track of the album. Still no movement in the drive-thru line.
3:59 p.m. Oh you got to be fucking kidding me. I waited all this time and the motorist two cars down from me got a tiny bag of food? If there were several drink carriers being handed to him I could understand for the delay, but damn. Maybe a new batch of fries needed greased up or a Fillet o’ Fish had to be made from scratch. “Girls Got Rhythm” is over – maybe there’s enough time to hear some local RIGHT-WING RADIO and listen to the idiotic callers bitch about how Pennsylvania has these gay-ass state liquor stores? Seriously, these things are so fucking retarded. No, we can’t buy booze at a grocery store or a Quickie Mart. Why, that would make all of our kids alcoholics because what if they reach for a gallon of milk and accidentally pick up a six-pack of Bud? Then again, because I’m too lazy to head off to one of these government adult beverage centers I don’t buy alcohol, which saves me a few dollars. That’s one of the things I missed about Ohio – being able to buy alcohol any time, any place (well, almost any place). Jesus Christ this line isn’t moving, and there’s only one car in front of me.
4:02 p.m. Well, the top-of-the-hour newscast is beginning, so it’s time to put in another CD. Let’s see, how about “History of the Clash: Volume I”? I’m in the mood for “The Magnificent Seven” – Ring, ring it’s 7 a.m. There we go. And there goes the motorist. Well, this person actually left during “Wave bye-bye to the boss, it’s our profit it’s his loss,” but that wouldn't have sounded as clever. Now it’s my turn to wait. You know what annoys me? When you are waiting in line for other customers that take forever and a day to get their order, and then when it’s your turn the wait is virtually nil and the cashier gets impatient because you have the nerve to double-check your order. And by double-check I mean look into the bag to make sure a burger and fries are in there. Well, that sorta happened when my order was completed, but drive-thru cashiers are more accustomed to customers doing a quick once-over. Hey, my order is here, and it’s 4:07 p.m. Just in time for “Rock the Casbah.” You know, I often defend rappers for sampling music, but what Will Smith did with that “Will 2K” abortion was too much even for me to handle. Let my memories of this song be of that cute armadillo scampering about.
Fifteen minutes, one Happy Meal, three songs and some RIGHT-WING RADIO banter. And the sad thing is, I thought I'd be waiting longer. Nevertheless, Sharif don't like it. But what am I going to do – declare a jihad? I have no children to strap with explosives, and there's no way I'd turn my kitties into martyrs. Considering they are all fixed, I doubt they would be able to do much with their 40 virgins and all.
8 a.m.
• Whenever you think you suck at your job, just read this.
• Al Gore says that the planet has a "fever."
So where do we stick the thermometer for a temperature reading?
10:45 p.m.
• So I was feeling a bit down today. I’m not depressed, but the last few days I haven’t been getting much sleep and I’ve been feeling it. So where do I go when I need a quick pick-me-up by observing the underclass in all their glory?
That’s right.
Now there’s this one Wal-Mart that opened up a year or so ago about 15 minutes from me. However, it hasn’t quite been overrun with the typical white and ghetto trash that flock to this cornucopia of commerce. Now the Wal-Mart that’s closer to Shittsburgh and attracts a lot of black people? That’s another story.
I was walking around the store and was on my way out when I noticed this kid – couldn’t be older than 10 or so – in tears and near a full-blown breakdown. Nothing surprising there. This is Wal-Mart. However, I then soon realized that the man in this group was an employee (the lack of a blue vest threw me off) and it seemed that the talk was focused on something that this kid tried to steal.
Uh oh.
The woman in this group was PISSED. I’m not sure if this was the kid’s mother – she could have been a babysitter or counselor – but one thing was for certain: this kid was about to have a really bad day. All I could gather from the passing words I heard was that the woman wanted this kid, dressed in a Silver Surfer t-shirt and blue sweatpants, to get punished to the fullest extent of the law. Oddly enough, the employee just took the item back and that was that. Interesting. Believe me, this woman was not trying to get this kid out of trouble. As they were walking out of the store I followed close behind hoping this woman would unload on this low-grade thief. Sadly, nothing transpired. But you know the most amazing thing of all.
This woman had three children with her – and the lone white kid was the one busted for shoplifting. Then again, I’m sure the two black kids are more seasoned at this sort of thing.
11:30 p.m.
• Oh please Democrats keep this primary fight going. It's funny enough there's talk about disenfranchising voters in Michigan and Florida, but then we get this.
Man, if this is what Osama's Democrat critics are getting hit with, imagine what will become of Republicans when they start questioning the Junior senator from Illinois.
Today we had to take Dessa to the vet. Having done this for about seven years now, the better half and I have devised an efficient way to round up whoever needs to go and get their shots. A while back I read somewhere that cats can understand a few words, and if this is indeed the case, “time to go to the vet” has to be one of those familiar phrases. Every time one of them has to go in the carrier, they all seem to have a sixth sense that something is up.
Most of the time when we get home from work, the three of them get up from the spots where they spent the day sleeping and meet us at the front door, hoping we will go into their feeding room and give them some Meow Mix. However, today JJ was under the dining room table, Dessa was under the living room coffee table, and Max was behind some chairs under the kitchen island. And none of them wanted to move. While Mrs. kkk rounded up the unlucky kitty, I went downstairs to get the carrier, which is large enough to comfortably fit a medium-sized dog. After getting confirmation that the target has been picked up, I picked up this contraption. This is when the fur hits the fan. The two cats that aren’t tied up make a beeline for underneath a bed, either in the master bedroom on the first floor or upstairs in the spare bedroom. The cat that is picked up tries to get away, but to no avail (usually – JJ can sometimes wrestle away if given enough space). Once we drop the contained cat into the carrier, they start immediately with the crying, like that’s going to make a difference. “You know, Max, we were going to take you to the vet for your rabies and distemper shots, but after that last whimper you convinced us otherwise.”
Fortunately, Dessa checked out with a clean bill of health, but she could have been in much worse shape on the trip back home. I’m a pretty defensive driver, and one thing I HATE is when another motorist is trying to direct you when they have no control on impending traffic. A good example of this is when you are at a stop light at a four-way intersection and want to turn left. Across from you is a motorist in the left lane of their two-lane road and is waving you on to turn. There’s just one problem: YOU CAN’T SEE WHAT IS COMING IN THE OTHER LANE! These people are the embodiment of liberalism. They have good intentions, but if you follow their path you will surely regret it.
Well, this sort of thing happened to me on the way home from the vet. While driving along the left lane of Rt. 30 West, which is a two-lane highway, I noticed this vehicle in the right lane that had its right blinker on and had slowed down to a near halt. As my eyes were focusing back on the road, I noticed the motorist was making a “waving” gesture, and suddenly I realized this person was probably letting someone pull out. I slammed on the brakes. There was no screeching or the smell of burnt rubber, but there might as well have been. Suddenly this old guy in a red four-door car pulled out in front of me and the bitch that had waved him out. Had I not stopped, I would have plowed into him head-on because he was trying to cross our two lanes to get on Rt. 30 East.
I wasn’t mad at him as much as I was pissed off at the person who said it was OK for him to pull out in oncoming traffic. It wasn’t worth shouting at this bitch because my windows were up and she was already halfway into her turn to the parking lot when I snapped out of my “Christ this could have been a bad accident” trance.
On a side note, while we were at the vet, I couldn’t help but laugh at this black lab that was freaked out by having to be in the vet’s waiting room. You could tell he didn’t want to be there because his tail was in-between his legs and he wasn’t walking but rather being slid across the linoleum floor by his owner. But when his owner took a seat, the dog sniffed the lady next to him, and just like that his tail was wagging and he was having a great time being petted. Of course with Dessa all she does is just sit there and pout in her carrier; even when we take her back home, she bolts out of the carrier and hides under a bed for a couple of hours. The two males we have aren’t as bad, but they won’t be mistaken for that black lab anytime in the near future.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 34: Carnival
This might come as a surprise to some, seeing how the little pecker beat me in last year’s TSM Poster Tournament. However, he’s a cat person and a juggalo to boot. If you don’t know what a juggalo is, just be thankful and move on. He also comes to the TSM community in hopes that we can pick him a suitable mate, or at least something to stick his wang into for a while – that is before his plan went all to hell.
And now a word or five from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Lovecraft:
From Black Lushus:
From ... Carnival:
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
6:30 p.m.
• Well, the better half has been sick for the past week or so, and everytime this happens it's only a matter of time before it latches onto me. Today is that day.
2:30 p.m.
• This is funny.
Pesonally, I don't want to know how many people will be at my funeral -- I'm guessing two, maybe three.
10 a.m.
• First we’re killing off the polar bears by melting away their frosty homes due to global warming, and now some hippie animal rights people want to off baby bears that become too “human”?
Now that last paragraph might seem a little … odd, but otherwise, leave the zoo alone. I’m sure you’ll be able to use this bear in upcoming commie videos claiming that melting ice caps forced little Knut into the waiting arms of the Berlin Zoo.
• Well, yesterday it was Dessa’s turn to go to the vet. Out of the three we have to take every year for their annual checkup/shots, she’s the easiest to deal with. Her defense of stiffing up so as to not get into the carrier doesn’t work, and most of her commotion consists of little, pathetic meows, unlike JJ and Max, who won’t shut up. While at the vet’s I asked about the recent pet food scare.
We feed Dessa and JJ Eukanuba, although it’s dry kibble 99.9 percent of the time, so I figured they weren’t in any danger, but you never know (Max gets a special diet due to crystals in his urine). One of the symptoms I read involving this bad food is loss of appetite, which so far rules these three out. Christ, every feeding time is like disturbing rations at a refugee camp.
8 p.m.
• Don't you know that bringing in immigrants to a country is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
Wait, I don't know what's funnier -- the pork remark or Muslims offended by another group's "abuse of women"?
I don't know what the big deal is. Those Poles are just doing the jobs Muslims don't want.
• Ah the joys of relationships. Several days ago the better half got a cold, which of course was passed onto me just in time for the weekend. So as I spent my leisure time sweating one minute and shivering the next, there was another perk to this condition. Whenever we go to bed, she sounds like Kyle’s cousin from "South Park." If I’m not listening to her gurgle excess phlegm, I am awakened to her hacking a lung out several times a night. Tonight should be a joy.
• Thanks to Hawk 34 for pointing out that the first AFRICIAN-AMERICAN TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS finished an impressive 38th. Perhaps if there was a police car following him throughout the race, he would have finished with a better time. Actually, I think this guy will feel like an outsider for quite a while. Not because he’s black, but rather because he sounds quite articulate. No, this isn’t another “He speaks so well!” backhanded compliment that's given to a black person trying to fit in white society; he’s probably the most well-spoken NASCAR driver I’ve heard since, well, ever. Then again I don’t follow NASCAR, so maybe there are some other yankees who haven’t mastered the Southern drawl yet.
• And Hollywood wonders why people aren’t going to movies. Susan Sarandon is slated to play Cindy Sheehan in some hippie movie. Whoever makes this piece of crap deserves to lose the untold millions it would cost to produce.
• About a week ago I saw some of “The Simple Life,” and had no words to describe the horror I saw. I didn’t think there could be anything to top this. I was wrong. The sad thing this guy probably has a SAT score above 1300. I like the “Blue Collar” stand-up and all, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to a theater and shelling out $8 to watch some guy say “Git-R-Done” for 90 minutes. It would be interesting, though, just to see who does buy tickets to this film.
• When the World Baseball Classic concludes tonight, there will only be two players from Major League Baseball on display – pitcher Akinori Otsuka and outfielder Ichiro Suzuki. Big deal. The Pirates would kill just to get a hold of the South African roster. Oh, yeah. Go Japan; fuck those commies. Unless any want to defect after the game – then welcome aboard.
• And while I’m talking about March Madness, I have to give the Women’s Tournament props. They finally got someone to dunk. Uh, great, I guess. Then again, my vertical leaves something to be desired. On an unrelated story, a few years back I ran an office March Madness pool at work; if memory serves, I got about 70 people to pony up $1 and fill out their brackets. While an enjoyable experience and overall morale booster, the best part came when some feminazi asked me why I wasn’t doing a pool for the women’s tournament. I think my response of “What a great idea, and you’d only have to charge a quarter entry fee instead of $1,” didn’t totally offend her, but my ears were warm for the next 20 minutes or so.
Check that. The best part came when the chick who won the contest told me if it was OK that her husband was the one who filled out her bracket. While I didn't care who filled out these forms, it was fun giving her a guilty conscience for the next few days, especially since she was someone who cared about other people's feelings and well-being. Sucker.
6:30 p.m.
• Wait a second, so a government school does nothing when several kids make fun of a Mormon student’s religion, but when she responds to them by saying, “that’s so gay” she's the one who gets in trouble?
Good God, I can’t imagine what would have happened to me and some of the shit I used to say. And this reason…
…doesn’t cut it. Sorry, but what the government school did was … well, gay. I miss the good ol' days when you could play "smear the queer," and it wouldn't be considered a hate crime.
• Speaking of gay, I saw PTI had the gay ex-NBA baler. Well, he probably still is a baller, but not the way he did back during his playing days. Anyway, it was funny to hear that interview only to hear this story later on in the show.
And many pro athletes are worried about teammates sporting boners in the shower room?
• Now there’s video showing that George W. Bush knew about Hurricane Katrina and the damage it could cause before it touched land. H-O-L-Y S-H-I-T. So I wasn’t the only one who woke up the day Katrina hit and went “What’s up with all these black people standing on roofs?”
• I’ve always said people with advanced degrees are some of the biggest dipshits out there. My theory is that the more “knowledge” you acquire, the less “common sense” you keep. Now my theory is proven, what with this U-C Irvine psychiatrist alleging to have lost $1.3 million in one of those hundreds of Internet scams where a person from some noble family from a third-world country has millions stashed away in some account they can’t access and need your $1,000 or so to have the necessary paperwork done in order to get a hold of that money (I may not be accurate in how this works, considering I only read the first several words to these messages).
• Well, we can at least take some solace in knowing that whenever Mexicans cross the boarder illegally, they will get fat, lazy and unhealthy like the rest of us.
• Anyone remember that shooting at a Shittsburgh movie theater during 50 Cent most recent movie? Well, the same theater is at it again. Last night, during a screening of the Steelers Super Bowl DVD, someone called the cinema and gave a bomb threat. Thank God I live outside the city limits.
• Am I the only one who doesn’t care about that Autistic kid who nailed a bunch of three-point shots in a basketball game? I mean, good for him and all, but from what I saw, it wasn’t like this kid had anyone playing tough “d” on him. Yes, I know I’m going to hell.
• Speaking of “special children,” it is stories like this that show why I don’t go to the movies anymore. I don’t blame the theater for doing what they did (although a refund should have been given, imo) because what are they supposed to do? If you want to bitch about something, bitch about the people who complained about the kid. If the theater management would have said to the people complaining, “What’s the big deal – it’s just a kid laughing,” these patrons would have probably then bitched to the theater’s upper management, and believe me, district managers of theaters (or any other business with a lot of low-paying, entry-level jobs) don’t want to hear from whiny customers, no matter how stupid their complaints might be. In just about every job I have worked where a district manager was involved in our store’s chain of command, never once did I hear these people defend us over a stupid customer. In fact, being an asshole is what gets these people their jobs. One of my favorite district manager stories involved my time at Burger King.
The name of our store’s District Manager was Barry, and he was an asshole. One night when we were busy, I was in charge of the “specialty station.” This means I was in charge of fries, onion rings, chicken and fish; the shittiest station to work if you are employed by the King. Anyway, I had just put down a basket of onion rings, and they went on top of TWO onion rings that had been laying there for about two minutes (It takes 80 seconds to fry the onion rings, and I had been steadily dropping baskets of these things). Anyway, Barry then looks at me and says, “Rotate your onion rings.” I told him to fuck off. Thankfully, three baskets of fries had just been ready for consumption and their ringers went off, meaning I got away with one.
However, I didn’t get away with this. I worked with a midget who was a worthless piece of shit. Whenever there was work to be done, she would scamper off and hide, which wasn’t hard for her to do considering we always had a lot of empty boxes in the back room. Well, whenever she pissed me off, which was often, I would retaliate by putting the sandwiches I made near the top of the “burger chute,” where she couldn’t reach them. Have I said already that I’m going to hell? Well, for one supply order we were given these hippie burger wrappers that had zero traction, meaning they wouldn’t slide down the burger chute. One night when I was the only person making food this midget screamed at me and started to cry because I wasn’t sliding the food down all the way. Bitch, I COULDN’T. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Go around the counter and personally hand everybody their sandwich? Well a day or so later asshole Barry came up to me and barked, “kkk, I hear you’ve been picking on Lisa.” Not knowing what he was talking about, I replied, “Huh?” Wanting to get both sides of the story, this dickhead then said, “You know what I’m talking about. Don’t do it again or else.” After asking my one manager what just happened, and then being told of the great burger chute controversy from the previous night, I realized that asshole district manager was half the man I was.
And the midget was one-third the worker I was, literally and figuratively.
• So I have ESPN’s “Outside the Lines” on right now as background noise and they’re talking about RACISM in sports, or something. There is this panel on and suddenly I hear them talking about the Rush Limbaugh/Donovan McNabb incident. Eagles safety Brian Dawkins went on to say how horrible this incident was and this ‘n that.
Christ almighty; give it up. A perfect example of what Rush was talking about back then is going on now in NASCAR. This weekend I have heard countless times about some black guy who qualified for a race and how he’s the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS 20 YEARS AGO. Hey, ESPN, this is what Rush, and many other people, complain about – who gives a shit if a driver is black or some other race? You PC bitches shove this politically correct bullshit down our throats and many of us are tired of listening to it. I hope to God this black dude doesn’t win whatever race he’s in. No, not because he’s black, but because I think ESPN will do to his next race what they did to the last Duke/UNC college basketball game, with each ESPN station having a different camera angle set up on this poor driver. Hey, watch the race on ESPN which features the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS. If you want to be inside the car with the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS WILLY T. RIBBS, switch over to ESPN 2. If you want to see Bill Lester's wife in the stands during this race, switch on over to ESPN U; did you know that Lester is the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS? And if you want to see a special presentation of former racecar driver Willy T. Ribbs, switch over to ESPN Classic Say, did you know that Bill Lester is driving today? Yeah, he's the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS.
And while we’re at it – where are all the NFL white cornerbacks? Surely there are some people of my race that can blanket a wide receiver in man-to-man coverage.
Great, now they brought up how NBA attendance is down and if it is due to today’s THUG BALLERZ that the white ticket buyers don't want to see. Also, is the newly installed NBA dress code RACIST as well? Oh, no. Stephen A. Smith is on the Sports Reporters, as well as Dan LebaRetard and Mitch Album? What in the hell happened to this show that I used to watch when I was a kid? I have to turn this shit off, now.
• Yet another reason why I don’t blame people for wanting the death penalty for lowlife pieces of shit. Not only is Andrea Yates remarried, but she is also getting a second trial for drowning her kids. I wonder if Katie Couric bought Yates something off of the bridal registry?
• And while I’m talking about wedding registries, one of the plusses to getting married is that you get to set-up one of these things. Of course, the problem is nobody ever gets you anything you want off of your registry, or at least that was the case for me. Now I can sympathize with people not wanting to pitch in and buy a new sink base stand (or whatever the hell those things are called), which was one of the things the better half put on our registry, but for God’s sake what’s the point of buying us a single TOWEL? However, on the bright side, we got a bunch of mini-cooking appliances (two George Foreman grills, a cuisinart, a quesadilla maker, and a crockpot, to name a few). Of course, I could have bought 10 of each of these things and have some change left over if I didn’t have to shell out $14k for the wedding, but whatever. Here’s a tip to all the single guys out there whose better halves want a “traditional” wedding with all the stupid “protocol” that's involved in one of these money pits. Make sure, when they want this “traditional” wedding with all the trimmings, to make it really traditional and have her parents pay for the whole thing.
I actually did fill out an office bracket earlier this morning. Problem is I don't remember who I picked. I have Memphis winning it all, though. Don't ask why.
6 p.m.
• Before you start saying OMG TAX THE RICH, remember that one day it may be you in the government's cross-hairs. Hell hath no fury like a public official with an ax to grind.
Then why did you do this, you cunt?
And let's also strip the retention bonuses of these people.
And while we're at it, let's have Barney Fwank take a bit out of his account just for shits and giggles.
6 p.m.
• So I learned an important driving lesson. You know how when you’re at an intersection and the light has one of those fancy extra “green arrows”? Well, when that green arrow disappears, and incoming traffic is moving toward you, I found out that’s when you need to floor it and try to make your turn in one piece. Or at least that’s what the little college shithead behind me thought I should have done. It’s interesting how when you act faux pissed in these situations by waving your arms around and banging your head on the steering wheel (all while blaring on your horn after getting honked at) how they tend to stay away from you when the green arrow comes back on.
I’ve already figured out my death. The last payment to the house will have gone through and someone is going to shoot me during the afternoon work commute.
6:30 p.m.
• Crap, March Madness is tomorrow, sans that gay play-in game. Time for this year's brackkkets.
East:
North Carolina (1) d Mt. St. Mary (16)
Arkansas (9) d Indiana (8)
Notre Dame (5) d George Mason (12) Please God don’t let George Mason win. I don’t want to hear “OMG they’re going to do it again!”
Winthrop (13) d Washington State (4)
St. Joseph’s (11) d Oklahoma (6)
Louisville (3) d Boise State
Butler (7) d South Alabama (10)
Tennessee (2) d American (15)
North Carolina (1) d Arkansas (9)
Notre Dame (5) d Winthrop (13)
Louisville (3) d St. Joe’s (11)
Tennessee (2) d Butler (7)
North Carolina (1) d Notre Dame (5)
Tennessee (2) d Louisville (3)
Tennessee (2) d North Carolina (1)
Midwest:
Kansas (1) d Portland State (16)
UNLV (8) d Kent State (9)
Clemson (5) d Villanova (12)
Siena (13) d Vanderbilt (4)
USC (6) d Kansas State (11)
Wisconsin (3) d CS Fullerton (14)
Davidson (10) d Gonzaga (7)
Georgetown (2) d UMBC (15)
Kansas (1) d UNLV (8)
Clemson (5) d Siena (13)
Wisconsin (3) d USC (6)
Georgetown (2) d Davidson (10)
Clemson (5) d Kansas (1)
Wisconsin (3) d Georgetown (2)
Clemson (5) d Wisconsin (3)
South:
Memphis (1) d UT-Arlington (16)
Oregon (9) d Mississippi State (8)
Michigan State (5) d Temple (12)
Shitt (4) d Oral Roberts (13)
Kentucky (11) d Marquette (6)
Stanford (3) d Cornell (14)
Miami (7) d St. Mary’s (10)
Texas (2) d Austin Peay (15)
Memphis (1) d Oregon (9)
Michigan State (5) d Shitt (4)
Stanford (3) d Kentucky (11)
Texas (2) d Miami (7)
Memphis (1) d Michigan State (5)
Texas (2) d Stanford (3)
Texas (2) d Memphis (1)
West:
UCLA (1) d Mississippi Valley (16)
Texas A&M (9) d BYU (8)
Drake (5) d Western Kentucky (12)
Connecticut (4) d San Diego (13)
Baylor (11) d Purdue (6)
Xavier (3) d Georgia (14)
West Virginia (7) d Arizona (10)
Duke (2) d Belmont (15)
UCLA (1) d Texas A&M (9)
Drake (5) d Connecticut (4)
Baylor (11) d Xavier (3)
Duke (2) d West Virginia (7)
UCLA (1) d Drake (5)
Duke (2) d Baylor (11)
UCLA (1) d Duke (2)
Final Four
Tennessee (2) d Clemson (5)
UCLA (1) d Texas (2)
UCLA (1) d Tennessee (2)
Notes: As usual, I put zero thought into these picks and went with my first hunch (most of the time -- see below).
I originally had Villanova getting to the fourth round, but I stopped myself because I always get burned on picking a "Big East" sleeper.
Even though I think Pitt has a chance, they ALWAYS do well in the conference tournament and falter in the national tournament.
As usual, I'll forget who I picked 20 minutes from now and when watching the games tomorrow I'll be cheering for the wrong teams.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 35: Damaramu
Everybody’s favorite TSM hoss, Damaramu will be remembered for his many shenanigans, whether they involved his abuse of power as a library security guard, his dilemnas with 16-year-olds or dealing with the loss of his aborted unborn child. While known for his sports-folder meltdowns whenever the Oklahoma Sooners lost a football game, I’ll remember him better as that journalism student who vigorously pursued his dream of writing athlete profiles and game recaps. And speaking of giving, I even sent him a book that I had to buy during my time in journalism school. Basically, it was a bunch of short stories about what some professionals in the field did their first year out of college and looking for work in this competitive industry. Seeing how Damaramu seemed genuine about his desire to be a reporter, and knowing that I will never again open this gay-ass book, I figured what the hell and mailed him this publication. I doubt he actually read any of those stories (I mentioned him this one story in that book I sent and asked if he read it. He said “no.”), but that doesn’t mean anything in regards to if he’ll make it in this crazy world. I only read one or two of those hippie stories, and look how great I turned out.
And now a word or two from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Carnival:
From SFA Jack:
9 p.m.
• And like a good neighbor, State Farm is there ... a year-and-a-half after the fact.
Wait a second, I've got State Farm for my auto and homeowner's insurance. Oh well, I'm sure I'll get properly jewed when the time comes, too.
8:30 p.m.
• I knew duct tape was good for many things but wart removal?
• What a pussy.
My three kids gnaw the shit out my hands/arms all the time when I'm playing with them. When we just had Dessa, she used to attack without mercy whenever I was using the computer or when the better half was studying. Did we sue? No. Instead I would give her a kitty treat to go away. Of course, this just conditioned her to scratch and bite until she got her "reward," and once she ate her treat she'd just hop right back onto the desk/table for more. How did I remedy this? Through discipline? Obedience school? No. We just adopted JJ, so Dessa could abuse him instead of us. Poor JJ.
3 p.m.
• So at work today our Marketing Director (Head Insurance Salesman) got called in by upper management because someone from our office staff complained about him taking his kid to the doctors last week during "business hours." There's one tiny problem -- the work responsibilities he has speak nothing of what hours he has to be in the office. As the head salesman, he doesn't have to be in the office 40 hours per week, or even 4 for that matter. All that matters is the business he brings in, and when you look at the figures, we nearly doubled out 2006 applications from 2005’s total (of which he started in April of 2005). You don’t even want to know the business he did when compared to 2004’s numbers. And of course nobody from our upper management knew of the Marketing Director’s “office hours,” even though they are the ones who made up the policy and told our Marketing Director of his “required time” in office during his interview! I guess I could also mention all the evening/weekend work he has done out on the road, but I'm still laughing over the first part of this post.
8:30 p.m.
• Looks like I'm not the only one going senile in the kkk household. You can figure out who is who:
"What were you listening to upstairs? There was a lot of yelling."
"The
song."
"When did you get that."
*shakes head*
"What?"
"You got it for me as a Christmas present."
"I did?"
"Yes."
"Oh..."
And fuck the people that dont think that AMERICA TOATALLY OWNS, UR JUST MAD U SAND NIGGERS THAT UR NOT IN AMERICA.
• So I went to look up some article on Barack Osama RACIST pastor and here were the first headlines that popped up on Google News.
An Effort to Bridge a Divide
Obama's race speech hits receptive ears in Gwinnett
Obama's Race Speech Heralded as Historic
Oh, there won't be any favorable coverage this election for one candidate.
Say, did you all know that John McCain served in Vietnam? Did you know he was still alive? I'm being serious -- is he still with us?
• The guy is blind for God's sake -- he has the perfect excuse. All he has to say is that he was congested on his selected days of forbidden passion and couldn't detect anything from the smell.
Actually, the best part of all this is the photo that goes along with this article. Here's the headline:
New NY Governor Admits Affairs Years Ago
And here's the pic.
8 p.m.
• Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here.
And defense lawyers wonder why they're so hated.
Now why did I post all of that? To get to this.
4:15 p.m.
• You know, I don’t play golf, but there have been a few times in the past where I did my thing on a Par 3 course. And by “did my thing” I mean taking a dozen or so shots to get a ball in a hole in the ground. However, this golfing story brought back a childhood memory.
I was at a local Par 3 when I was about 12 or so years old with my old man and his live-in girlfriend at the time, along with some other people, I think. Now anytime I do anything with the old man, it almost always results in some stupid fight. Instead of just going out and having a good time, he always “coaches” me on how a professional would go about hitting a shot (or whatever it was we would be doing at the time). This time was no exception. Instead of just enjoying this time, every shot (or whiff) I made was awful/dreadful/a disgrace. Did I mention before that I have probably golfed a Par 3 a dozen times (20 max) in my life? Anyway, I was on this one hole and was on this slop just off the green. I hit the ball and instead of this being the shot of my life, the goddamn ball hit the pin and went in and out of the hole. Sonofabitch. Years later when I was living in Ohio, the old man took me to a driving range where I was being primed to be the next Tiger Woods. Of course I have no idea what the hell I’m doing, but that didn’t matter. What I found funny was that the old man was bitching because I was taking too long setting up the balls on the tee and hitting them (or at least attempting to make contact). When I attempted to explain to him that I was making sure my “form” wouldn’t make even a novice golfer cringe, he said, “when you’re out on the course you don’t have time to check your form.” Uh, OK. Hey, I’m not the one who purchased this bucket of golf balls, so I don’t care if I only hit them 10 feet. Memories.
• Why do I even watch ESPN? This morning when “Outside the Lines” was on, Bob Ley informed me that John Amaechi, that homo who came out of the closet just long enough to whore his book, has some endorsement deal (with a razor company I think), making him THE FIRST GAY ATHLETE WITH A MAJOR ENDORSEMENT DEAL, or something like that. It was such a retarded statement that even the better half looked up from her medicated semi-coma bout with the flu and commented, “oh who fucking cares already?”
Right after “Outside the Lines,” I had the Sports Reporters on, and I must say that as a kid I used to love this show. As I’ve gotten older, the hippie PC garbage I hear out of many of these so-called “experts” makes me roll my eyes. I’m not going to say it wasn’t like this during my youth because I may have just ignored it or something. Anyway, when Jeremy Schaap gave his “parting words” this week, he talked about how great the NCAA Tournament would be if all the players who could be playing college ball right now (Lebron James, some “Gay” guy from Uconn, etc.). Oh fuck you Jeremy. And what would happen if one of these pro-bound players would blow out a knee or rupture an ACL playing an amateur sport that could be fetching them millions of dollars on the open market? Would you write them a check to pay their mortgage? Oh boo-hoo, the March Madness Tournament isn’t as good as it could be. Get over it, douchebag. The games are exciting enough, and those with the ability to provide for their families are already out earning a living in the real world, something many commie college professors are unable to do and have to suck off the taxpayer’s teet. If a Lebron James really wants to get a college degree, he’s more than able to on his own time and on his own dime. So grin and bear it, Jeremy, and deal with the fact you won’t see James and Greg Oden on the same court sporting Ohio State University jerseys. Asshole.
• Last night I caught the end of a Hannity & Colems segment where Sean was yelling at some hippie bowtie-wearing politician from Oregon. Although I normally skip past these exchanges because they are nothing more than “Why do you hate our country and not support our troops?” sound bites, this liberal putz actually said something that made me keep this channel on for longer than a few seconds. He was complaining about how it was time for U.S. troops to leave Iraqand that this country's people need to be more self-reliant. Woah, I think this is the first time I’ve heard a lib say that some person/group needs to stop being coddled and pull themselves up from their bootstraps. Now all I need to hear is how Republicans are for small government and fiscal responsibility.
• Some guy in South Carolina who recently kidnapped and raped two teen-age girls in a ready-made “dungeon” (all allegedly, of course) was finally caught. And what a surprise, he has been convicted of sexual assault before (this victim was 12 years old) and only spent nine years in jail for the crime. I guess it could have been worse; he could have been in Vermont and only needed to spend a weekend in counseling. I was watching cable news this morning and heard that the judge who issued this “harsh” sentence blamed prosecutors for not building a better case the first time he was caught raping – nice spin, asshole. I wonder if Bill O’Reilly is going to go after the red diaper doper baby judge who locked this guy up with a light the first time? I certainly hope so; it’s fun to watch these bitches get called on their bullshit judgments.
• Today was movie day for me, considering I am in the midst of battling a cold given to me a few days ago by the better half. Now laying around doing nothing is usually par for the course on a Saturday, but because I am sick I now have an excuse. The first movie I popped in was one of my favorite “spoof” movies of all time. Now many people will associate Shawn and Marlon Waynes with “Scary Movie,” but before they hit it big with that, they did a similar feature that was, in my opinion, much better. Titled, “Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood,” this 1996 gem goofed on a number of “life in the ghetto” movies. If you’re a fan of “ghetto” movies, or you thought “Scary Movie” was funny, see “Don’t Be A Menace” now.
The second part of this double feature was another comedy, “As Good As It Gets.” This is one of my favorite comedies, although it is a bit on the long side for me. However, this movie has some of my favorite movie lines, such as “People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch,” “I got JEWS at my table” and the following exchange:
“How do you write women so well?”
“I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.”
• So the Dallas Cowboys are going to take a chance on T.O. – man is this going to be a fun year. Also, the Miami Dolphins gave up a second-round pick to acquire Daunte Culpepper from the Minnesota Vikings. Personally, I think it was a good move on the Dolphins part. Even though Culpepper has been inconsistent at times and suffered a season-ending injury last year, a second-round pick seems like a reasonable gamble for a quarterback that has shown to be of MVP-caliber in the past.
Nice to see you have enough time to go on late-night television and fill out a March Madness bracket -- It's not like you have anything better to do, o' favorite Son of Kenya. On second thought, if this Bread and Circuses routine keeps you distracted for any length of time from implementing your socialist schemes, I'll ask you to fill out a bracket for the remaining NIT rounds. Actually, during the whole Clinton impeachment period, I was all for the process. It wasn't partisan; it was more because it kept Congress and the Prez from doing anything else.
Speaking of which, I need to fill out MY brackkket. Oh who am I kidding? I haven't even posted last year's baseball results from that annual competition I have with that pseudo-baseball expert we have at this place.
• Last night I had the NCAA tournament playing, and while it was mostly on for background noise, I was somewhat following the Xavier/Gonzaga game. With a few minutes left, I noticed Xavier was up by six points. One of my old friends from Ohio had went to Xavier and blindly followed his beloved Musketeers. Since the better half got me sick with her cold, along with the fact I wake up at 4:45 a.m. to get ready for work, I decided to go to bed early and I called my friend up to congratulate Xavier on pulling off a first-round upset. Even though I thought Gonzaga would win the game, I had a feeling this match up could result in an upset scare.
After looking up his number from my hotmail account, I called and left a message on his answering machine. When I hung up the phone, I replaced some garbage liners and took out the trash for Friday’s weekly pick up. When I came back inside I walked by the living room television that had the Xavier on; Gonzaga was now up by one.
Oops.
I think subliminally I wanted Xavier to lose and by giving a premature congratulation I cemented the underdog’s fate as being another close-but-no-cigar story.
• I normally don't have a problem with pop stars that seem fashionable to hate if you’re not a teenybopper. The Backstreet Boys never cut me off in traffic. Justin Timberlake doesn’t hold up a line at the store by counting change in the express lane. Hanson didn’t cause me to stab my mother 100 times and leave her in a car that had a one-way trip to the bottom of Lake Erie. So whenever the better half complains about how someone can like Jessica Simpson, I just bite my tongue. I’ll never listen to her music, nor have I ever seen an episode of that show her and the ex were on, but I have no reason to hate her, unlike so many other people in this world. And after what she did at a recent fundraising event (or should I say, didn't do), I think I like her even more. After recently declining a seat at a Republican fundraising event, she said her reason was because she wanted to lobby for her nonprofit foundation that offers free plastic surgery to disadvantaged kids with facial deformities. Attending this GOP fundraiser would have injected politics into her nonprofit, and I can respect that.
• And while in a loving mood, I must say that even though Russ Feingold does not believe in the First Amendment (campaign-finance reform), made an ass out of himself with that recent hippie call for censuring George W. Bush, and would make me go on medication if he was ever elected president, there is something I will always give him props for. Even though he voted against the Iraq war, when it came time to fund the war, he voted for that $80 billion that John Kerry famously voted for, too, before voting against it. Although I will probably never agree with Feingold on anything, I’d rather have him as a political opponent than some piece of shit like Ted Kennedy, Patrick Leahy or Charles Rangel.
7 p.m.
• So on the drive home from work today we passed up this place that always has politically incorrect stuff on its marquee. I know I talked about this bar/restaurant before, but I can’t find it when I performed a search. Anyway, there is also this listing for upcoming local bands that will be playing there, and with that I give you the latest chat I shared with Mrs. kkk. You can figure out who is who:
“Hey, do you spell ‘Van Halen’ as ‘H-e-l-o-n?”
“No.”
“Is it ‘H-e-l-e-n’?”
“No.”
“Yes it is.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Well then what is it?”
“H-a-l-e-n?”
“That’s what I said.”
“No. You said ‘H-e-l-e-n.”
“Well you know what I meant.”
“…”
Oh, and here’s a video montage of some of this guy’s signs.
• Remember "Wet Back Wednesday"? Here's a
Oddly enough, it was in that little "More From" column next to the first video posted in this entry. And it just wouldn't be a Shittsburgh video without some guy in a Steelers hat.
9 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 36: Vitamin X
This may seem like an odd one to some, especially considering how much he queered up this year’s TSM Poster Tournament. Sorry, but I did not dig this hippie bracketing/seeding shit; that was part of the beauty with Chave’s previous efforts. Each round you didn’t know who was matching up against whom. Which poster would you vote for – the one who posts a bunch regarding sports, or that other member who always was good for a laugh in the LSD folder? This season it just seemed, eh. However, like I said earlier, it’s his contest so it’s his rules. He has complained about the postseason process in my NFL pick ‘em league before, and there’s no way I’m changing the way my contest going to be done, so in the end we’re all even-steven. But I guess I’m supposed to say nice things about V-X; well, many of his people value freedom and opportunity. This is evident by them trying to get away from their shit hole of a country some 90 miles off the coast of Florida in the most imaginative ways possible. Ironically though, V-X would rather live in an America that resembles the commie commune many of his people risk their lives trying to flee. But I have a soft spot in my heart for Cubans. I’d take “those people” coming over on homemade rafts made out of kitchen tubs and wooden boards than those African chicks seeking asylum just because their “culture” gave them circumcisions. Oh boo-hoo, someone took out my clit -- just walk it off and get back in the kitchen. Besides, women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex anyway, and if they want to then they just become lesbians. What was I talking about again? Oh, yeah. V-X. Wait, did I say anything positive about him? Well, I’m sure someone from my panel will. At least I hope they do or else this selection would seem rather silly.
And now a word or four from the expert panel I've assembled to comment on the people I've listed.
From Black Lushus:
From Carnival:
From SFA Jack:
From Cancer Marney:
8:30 p.m.
• Well, Pitt won. BOY THEY SURE SHOWED A LOT OF HEART! <{ <{ <{ <{
I'll laugh if they play UCLA in the next round, considering that guy coaching the Bruins used to be the Panthers' head coach.
8:15 p.m.
• Pitt basketball -- lol. They are playing VCU in overtime, so I don't know how this game will end, but watching the Panthers collapse in the second half (I think they were up by 19 points at one point) made me laugh. I loved how the announcers just said some guy from Pitt just made a three-pointer and commented on his "heart." This is the same player who missed two free-throws with just seconds left in regulation. Yeah. It also annoys me when sportscasters oftentimes say this about the smallest player on the court/field. "Oh, that so-and-so has got the BIGGEST HEART out there." Oh fuck that shit. So a big person can't have any "heart"? Kiss my ass. Just because God made me taller than my opponent that doesn't mean I slouch in my on-the-court efforts. OK, well maybe I did, but I'm sure there are big people out there that tired harder than their smaller opponents. That sports broadcasting line is almost as annoying as the "Oh, I sure wouldn't want to be facing THAT TEAM in the playoffs." Gag, that line makes me want to stab a person's eyes out.
4:45 p.m.
• Mrs. kkk is dealing with a cold, and I had to scoot off to the store for Dayquil and a McDonald’s two cheeseburger value meal (whenever she gets sick, some transfatty fries seem to be just the cure). As I walked into the store I saw a sight that shook me down to my very core while employed in the food-service industry.
Several tables filled with children.
Unless you served up value meals for an extended period of time, you don’t know what it’s like. Trust me. Waiting on families with young children is the worst fucking thing in this world. Not only are kid’s meals a pain in the ass to prepare but most of the time the parents have no control over their heathen spawn so you have to stand there and try to get their complete order while the soccer mom is trying to round up these little demons. I just thank my lucky stars I was out of this line of work before all those Beanie Baby promotions. Good Christ, I would have killed someone. But I digress.
So as I went to the counter I noticed that one line had no customers behind these two guys. I’m pretty good at spotting the quickest line, and I figured that I was fortunate that I entered right when one customer was leaving and I was on the tail end of a line moving up. There were no signs that there were any special orders going down, and there was only one tray by them at the counter. Then I saw two other trays being prepared with about a dozen happy meals being loaded. FUCK.
Sometimes you beat the line game. Sometimes the line game makes you its bitch. Oh well, what doesn’t kill me only makes me wiser. And besides, this extended time I spent at the Golden Arches getting the better half’s lunch was well worth it because while I was gone she got a phone call from her mother that made for some interesting meal-time conversation, which I will sum up below.
It was bound to happen. The out-of-control niece-in-law had yet another fight with her on/off boyfriend, and to “get back at him” she broke into her crackwhore mother’s Xanax supply, swallowed the stash, smoked some crack (according to her story), drove to her part-time beau’s parent’s house (which is where he was staying for spring break) and caused a ruckus. After my laughter died down from hearing this, I was told that she was eventually rushed to the emergency room due to her overdose and will be headed to the psycho ward for a mandatory 72-hour lockup, or whatever it’s called, after she comes off her high. As the better half was telling me this story, she said something I never thought I would hear in a million years from her.
“Boy am I glad I now have your family’s name.”
You got to be kidding me. The same kkk family name that I avoid like the plague? The same family that feels a night is wasted if a bar fight isn’t involved? The same family that gave me shit for not wearing a trenchcoat to my grandmother’s recent funeral? This is the family Mrs. kkk is glad to be named after? Then again, when the niece-in-law was cuffed to her hospital bed the police officers in the room took note of the niece’s last name and said that they knew her crackwhore mother. And I guess the new job she was just hired for – hostess at one of those fancy smacny chain restaurants – will be over before it even starts (she was put on this week’s schedule). Such a shame. Truly.
As I'm typing this, I got "Night of the Living Baseheads" playing. Awesome.
Below are my picks for the 2006 NCAA Tourney. My method? There was none. I don't follow college athletics. My only sources were a few conference tournament games I watched and sports talk radio that mostly bitched about how Shitt guard Carl Krauser is going to go 4-for-30 in the second round.
ATLANTA BRACKET
First Round
Duke/Southern = Duke
George Washington/N.C. Wilmington = George Washington
Syracuse/Texas A&M = Syracuse
LSU/Iona = LSU
West Virginia/Southern Illinois = Southern Illinois
Iowa/Northwestern State = Iowa
California/N.C. State = California
Texas/Pennsylvania = Texas
Second Round
Duke/George Washingon = Duke
Syracuse/LSU = Syracuse
Southern Illinois/Iowa = Iowa
California/Texas = Texas
Third Round
Duke/Syracuse = Duke
Iowa/Texas = Texas
Fourth Round
Duke/Texas = Duke
OAKLAND BRACKET
First Round
Memphis/Oral Roberts = Memphis
Arkansas/Bucknell = Bucknell
Shittsburgh/Kent State = Shittsburgh
Kansas/Bradley = Kansas
Indiana/San Diego State = Indiana
Gonzaga/Xavier = Gonzaga
Marquette/Alabama = Alabama
UCLA/Belmont = UCLA
Second Round
Memphis/Bucknell = Memphis
Shittsburgh/Kansas = Kansas
Indiana/Gonzaga = Gonzaga
Alabama/UCLA = UCLA
Third Round
Memphis/Kansas = Kansas
Gonzaga/UCLA = UCLA
Fourth Round
Kansas/UCLA = UCLA
WASHINGTON DC BRACKET
First Round
Connecticut/Albany = Connecticut
Kentucky/UAB = Kentucky
Washington/Utah State = Washington State
Illinois/Air Force = Illinois
Michigan State/George Mason = Michigan State
North Carolina/Murray State = North Carolina
Wichita State/Seton Hall = Seton Hall
Tennessee/Winthrop = Tennessee
Second Round
Connecticut/Kentucky = Connecticut
Washington/Illinois = Illinois
Michigan State/North Carolina = North Carolina
Seton Hall/Tennessee = Seton Hall
Third Round
Connecticut/Illinois = Connecticut
North Carolina/Seton Hall = North Carolina
Fourth Round
Connecticut/North Carolina = Connecticut
MINNEAPOLIS BRACKET
First Round
Villanova/Monmouth = Villanova
Arizona/Wisconsin = Wisconsin
Nevada/Montana = Nevada
Boston College/Pacific = Boston College
Oklahoma/Wisconsin-Milwaukee = Wisconsin-Milwaukee
Florida/South Alabama = Florida
Georgetown/Northern Iowa = Georgetown
Ohio State/Davidson = Ohio State
Second Round
Villanova/Wisconsin = Villanova
Nevada/Boston College = Boston College
Wisconsin-Milwaukee/Florida = Wisconsin-Milwaukee
Georgetown/Ohio State = Georgetown
Third Round
Villanova/Boston College = Boston College
Wisconsin Milwaukee/Georgetown = Georgetown
Fourth Round
Boston College/Georgetown = Boston College
FINAL FOUR
Duke/UCLA = Duke
Connecticut/Boston College = Boston College
NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP
Duke/Boston College = Boston College
8:30 p.m.
• So it looks like the Pens will stay in Shittsburgh. Yay, and stuff.
If this is what Mario wants, then more power to him. I still wanted them to move for reasons I have stated in the past. I wanted them to win the Stanley Cup and head out to KC right after the post-playoff rally – that would have been funny as hell.
• Please keep this story away from Maury Povich.
And no, I'm not going to make "Povich already has enough chimps on his babby-daddy shows." Besides, the white couples are much more entertaining. It seems like they actually care about these paternity tests and are too poor to take them any other way -- the black couples just want their 10 minutes on camera and free trip out to the big city.
• Can you blame the Japs for not wanting to have sex? With some of the video I've seen on-line I'd be afraid to stick anything near those people -- I might have an eel pop out and chomp on my one-eyed appendage.
• Reading this brought back memories.
It was just like that bit Sam Kiniosn did back in the day, when during a drive from Needles and Barstow he decided to take a nap behind the wheel. A few years ago I was driving back from Connecticut to Shittsburgh on business, and instead of spending the night and making the drive in the morning I decided that I could make the trip overnight. Of course, my estimated timing took a turn for the worse after a wrong turn or three. While on the PA Turnpike just a few hours or so away from my exit the thought of napping while driving on a straight road seemed appealing. That was when I decided to wind down all my rent-a-car’s windows and singing out loud even though I had no music on. Forget driving in inclement weather, this moment scared the shit out of me. Fortunately I got through without a hitch and I vowed never to test my staying power when driving on the interstate. And while I’m on this subject, to anyone living in the New York/Connecticut area, you will never have to worry about setting up residence there. No offense, but goddamn there are way too many people living there. Then again, I’d rather have you all concentrated over there yonder than moving to my neck of the woods and gaying up my region – we have enough Democrats as it is already.
8:45 p.m.
• A while back I made a comment to SFA Jack in a PM about if I won the lotto/wasn’t married/etc. and got to move anywhere I wanted to I might go with Texas. It seems like a conservative enough state and it probably won’t get completely overrun with Mexicans until after I’m dead. However, after seeing an episode of “Cops” this evening, I think I might have to amend this statement. Travis County – lol. I may go with Georgia, but it'd have to be away from all the black people. And away from that humidity, too.
8:15 p.m.
• Well I had the interview today. Yay, I guess. If I was unemployed I’d probably be sleepless in anticipation of a call back, but I’m over all that shit. I had another, in my opinion, solid interview, where I responded to their questions way better than they did mine. All in all, this place seems like a nice place to work. Just the place for me to enter and queer it all up. Actually, it was funny because I got in early and saw the one chick escorting another candidate for this job out. He must have been the interviewee for that previous hour, and he was leaving at 50 past the hour. When arranging this interview, I was told to expect to be there an hour, so this kid was leaving with 10 minutes to spare. I knew this person wasn’t going to get the job over me. Christ, he didn’t even wear a jacket to the interview and looked like a goddamn slob. I came in, did my thing and left after 80 minutes. Hell, I’ve been on interviews that were supposed to last one hour and ended up being 3-4 hours and I still didn’t get called back, so I don’t normally go by “time spent.” Hell, there have been times when I knew I wasn’t getting the job, but I stayed and asked a buttload of questions just to piss off my interviewer. Hey, you want to waste my time, I’ll waste yours.
I should hear back from them next week if I’m getting called back. Will I get called back? Don’t know, don’t care. Like I said earlier, I’ve stopped caring about trying to figure out how I did at an interview. I’ll objectively judge my performance afterward and decide what I did good (did my best to keep in contact with all three interviewers in the room and answered all questions with thorough examples) and what needed improving (I caught myself slouching a few times). One thing that will probably go against me is being “overqualified,” which I find funny because I’ve been on interviews in year’s past when I’ve actually had people tell me all the duties that would be required of this position, and when I address each requirement point-by-point, it was then I got fed the over-qualified line. But it all works out in the end, and what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Either that, or sends you to the grave at an early age due to a heart attack.
• Que?
Elections? Now that's funny.
• Over the last few days I’ve been playing my Public Enemy collection, and I must say that for years I have always preferred “Fear of a Black Planet” over “It Takes a Nation of Millions.” However, I think that’s starting to change. I’ve been preferring the PE’s second album in recent listenings over their third effort, and I think it’s going to stay that way for a while – although I’ve always LOVED “Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos.” One of my favorite lines: “My plan said I had to get out and break north/Just like with Oliver’s neck/I had to get off.”
• Fuck these Jew bastards.
Here’s my Bally’s story. When I was 18 I signed up for some hippie plan, and the plan was like $30 per month for a few years, $20 per month for a few years and then $6 per month for LIFE. As the years went by I didn’t go to Bally’s as much due to my college/full-time job schedule and my gym wasn’t open during the times I wanted to work out. But I had the extra money to spend and I figured with that $6 per month for LIFE quickly approaching, what have I got do lose?
Apparently, I had $6 per month for LIFE to lose. Oh, did I say $6? I meant $20. The first month after I made my first $6 per month for LIFE payment, I was informed that they were jacking up my LIFETIME PAYMENTS to the level it had previously been at, which around $20, or something like that. Fuck you Bally’s, fuck you right in the ear. Speaking of gyms, I always found it funny that people who went there to get in shape would illegally park in fictional spots next to the gym because they were too lazy to park in the back of a full lot and spend a few minutes WALKING to the front door.
• Oh, here’s another PE line I love from “Rebel Without a Pause” that just got played: “From a rebel it’s final on black vinyl/Soul, rock and roll comin’ like a rhino.” And for those that wracked their brain over my question of where did the line, “Now Freeze … Music Please,” come from? “It’s My Thing,” from EPMD’s first album “Strictly Business.” However, I made two faux pas – the “hip-hop” beat I refer to comes after “Music Please,” not before, and the line goes "And then I yell freeze." Man, I bet this cost me some street cred. Whatever, my favorite track on "Strictly Business" has always been "Let the Funk Flow" anyway.
12 p.m.
• So I’ve been watching through On Demand this “Parking Wars” show. Basically, it’s a look at the Philadelphia Parking Authority and its employees – from those that walk around the streets putting tickets on windshields to those that place boots on cars to those that perform the actual towing to those that work at the impound lot. All I can say is thank God I don’t live in Philadelphia. However, as I watched the latest episode I got the thinking: Which one of these jobs would be the best/worst. Let’s see:
Meter Maid:
Plusses
Get to go outside and get plenty of fresh city air.
Many of the fines you write are small, so the public OUTRAGE isn’t as bad.
There are times when you can just ticket and run without being spotted.
Minuses
You’re outside in city.
Many times you’re alone.
Angry ticket-receivers approach you.
Boot Putter-On People:
Plusses
You’re in a vehicle.
There’s a teammate with you.
Even though you’ll be spotted some times, I’m sure there are a number of instances where you can boot a vehicle and get the hell out.
Minuses
You have to get out of the vehicle to put on a boot.
This is Philly, so chances are you’ll be paired up with a black person.
City driving.
Tow Truck Driver.
Pluses
You’re in a vehicle.
Minuses
It takes longer to get a vehicle in tow, so it’s probable that you’d be spotted.
Impound Employee
Pluses
You’ve got backup around you.
You’re protected behind a sheet of glass.
Minuses
You’re dealing with people you can’t run away from.
The fines are rather hefty, so the people coming in are going to be more pissed off.
...
Wow. Honestly, I don’t know which one of these jobs I’d take. Probably the person that does the booting.
Since there was some talk about southwestern Ohio grocery stores in yesterday's entry, I figure now would be a good time to talk about why I can’t stand Bigg’s. Well, it’s not really a good time, but I’m feeling too lazy to talk about much else.
For those that don't know, Bigg’s is kinda like Wal-Mart, only not yet ready to take over the world. At the job I worked at in Ohio, many times I trekked over to the nearby Bigg’s and bought some grub during my lunch break. I did this for several reasons. 1) It was a nice little walk, and I needed to stretch my legs after sitting down for a 4-hour work interval. Oh who am I kidding – I spent most of the time goofing off, but it was a nice walk nevertheless. 2) Going to a grocery/retail store instead of heading toward Wendy’s or Burger King gives you a wider, and healthier, selection of food to choose from. 3) These lunches were cheaper, and more filling, than a value meal. The only problem with going to Bigg's several times a week was that most of the cashiers who worked there were full-timers, so I saw them just about everyday. This got annoying because many of them got on my nerves. However, I usually just zoned out during my transactions and tried to avoid the retarded chitchat many customer service representatives try to engage you in.
One day I had a friend with me who wanted to try out the “kkk lunch run;” we got a few items each and headed to a checkout lane. Now at every checkout lane there are these rubber sticks that are used as dividers in-between the orders of different customers. I call them the “Great Dividers.” Now, I use these things just like any other reasonable person would, however, on this day I didn’t. You see, the customer in front of me had his order rung up by the cashier, and as my friend and I approached the register there was nothing on this conveyer belt. I put my apple and a few other munchies on this belt and turned to say something to my companion. When I turned back, the cashier was weighing my apple as the customer in front of me just stood there. When I let the cashier know that apple was mine, she said “Well why didn’t you use the divider?” Because, bitch, I thought I’d be insulting your intelligence by using the Great Divider when there WAS NOTHING ELSE ON THE FUCKING CONVEYOR BELT.
I can’t remember what I said back to her, but it wasn’t offensive (if it was, then I would have remembered it verbatim). However, the encounter must have been tense enough for the person I was with because she took the Great Divider and separated her 2-3 items from my several things, which were on the other side of the conveyor belt next to the scanning device. The cashier then said something that made me laugh out loud. She picked up the Great Divider, pointed to my traveling mate’s stuff and snapped, "Are these yours?”
Well of course, bitch. Don’t you see the Great Divider?
I was only in Ohio for a few months after this encounter, but whenever I went to that Bigg’s I made it a point to always use the Great Divider every time I went into a checkout line. It was gratifying to go to the aforementioned bitch’s lane and whip out the Great Divider when I went to pay for my bagel, beverage and fruit, especially so if the person in front of me already had his or items items scanned and there was nothing else on the conveyor belt. Hey bitch, don’t question the power of the Great Divider.
I wish I could say this was the only time I had trouble with cashiers in the southwest Ohio region, but sadly it wasn’t. There was also the time I told a bag boy to get cancer, but that’s another story for another time.
