8:30 p.m.
• So I had my second job interview at one place today. Eh, I’ll talk more about this later if I feel like it. However, while I was out, I got a call from another place I interviewed at and it looks like I might be getting an offer. I’ve never had someone call me up and say, “thanks for the interview but we hired someone else.” Now this person could be calling me to say that whatever grant I will be mooching off of didn’t come through, but I’m such a hopeless optimist that I’ll just brush this under the rug. But in even bigger news, I finally got the four-volume James Bond DVD set. On sale. On a good sale. In addition to recent “Casino Royale.” Now I have to stash these away and wait until after Christmas just in case the better half got these for me. Hey, if she did and she got them on sale then I’ll be so proud and gladly return my set without her knowing.
• Those must be some good-ass prospects.
• OK, peep this headline.
So what do you think happened? Did the cooks spit in the stew? Put detergent in this entree? How about jacking off over it? Nope.
That's it? Chirst. God only knows what would have happened to me if I worked at this place. Just for the record, the jacking off into the pizza wasn't from me, although the other two incidents are. However, even though the beat-off pizza story is from secondhand information, I believe the person involved in this story would do such a thing.
Of course, I'm trying to find this video clip but all I'm coming up with is this, and unless there's animated tentacle rape I'm not watching anything from Japan. Well, excepted for stacked beef stew.
Just what is your problem with football contests? Is it because I haven't posted the results of our final baseball standings match-up? Don't worry, I will one day when I feel like showing how I got pummeled.
9 p.m.
• So I saw the series finale of The Shield (the second part of the two-parter). I own the first four seasons on DVD, but I tuned out during Season 5 when it was on FX because I didn't feel like following the show week after week. When the DVDs are on sale I'll pick them up one day. Besides, I'd rather watch a season's worth of shows one after another rather than having to wait week after week. However, I was curious to see how everything played out. Here are my insta-thoughts. SpOiLeRz 'n stuff.
1) Vic's a bitch for setting up Ronnie for the fall. Whenever I watched this show one topic of discussion was is Vic a "good" guy or "bad" guy. He a cop that breaks the law but also gets baddies off the street. I mean, sure he abuses people, but they're mostly black or Mexican so what's the big deal? I'm not sure if the last few seasons shed light on this good/bad conflict, but I'm marking him down as "bad" in my book. And fuck only getting 3 years behind a desk. Make it 10. And don't forget your TPS reports.
2) Shane. I dunno. I'm glad that bitch of a wife is finally dead, but she actually seemed somewhat vulnerable during that last show, especially when she couldn't wipe after a pee. Once again, I'm not sure of her role in the last few seasons, but I couldn't stand her when she came onto the scene.
3) Not sure what's become of Gay Julian or Dani, but from reading the TSM thread about this show it appears not much has been done with either of them. LOL'd at Gay Julian's peeping of the queer couple in the show.
4) Out of all the things in the show, the one thing I'm glad to see is that Dutch is still kicking. He was by far my favorite character, even if he killed that one cat a few years back. Man, when the better half saw where that scene was going she ordered me to stop the DVD and has not seen an episode since. I also liked Claudette, but not as much as Dutch. And these two had a great chemistry.
• Hey, if we're going to tax this can't we tax people who stink? Don't bathe and sit next to me on a plane? You bought my ticket, bitch.
LOL at the EPA saying the price estimate is incorrect. It'll probably be at least twice that amount.
• Here is one big reason I am against the proposed "Big Auto" bailout. Well, this and that I fucking HATE General Motors after the experience I had with my last Chevy and the pisspoor auto service I received that ruined the car with just one payment remaining. Go Japan!
You got three votes in this world. You vote in the booth. You vote with your pocketbook. You vote with your feet. I intend to vote with my pocketbook regarding GM automobiles for the rest of my life.
• Here we go again. Another red diaper doper baby telling the rest of the country how their lives should be run … um, actually, I’ve always wondered how blind people figure out what bill denominations they are giving out during a purchase.
• I guess Playstation3s are in such high demand that even cops are killing people to get their hands on these things.
I’m a bit of an odd bird when it comes to my video game history. Hey, what better way to transition into something that could be worth a day’s entry, and maybe more? As a kid, video games were my passion. Well, maybe not my “passion,” but I sure played them enough. Even now I spend way too much time in front of a television or computer monitor killing some demon or scoring a go-ahead touchdown. Well it beats being out on the street causing trouble or spending quality time with the wife. Let’s take a stroll down my video game history, shall we?
The Atari 2600 was my first video game console, and of course I played the hell out of the poor thing. Later on when my first system went to video game heaven, it was replaced by an Atari 7800. However, I don’t recall a single 7800 game purchased other than Xevious. After my 2600 playing days were over, I moved on to the … hey, wait a minute. I still have my 2600/7800 games. What better time than now to look in my Rubbermaid container that’s in the walk-in closet in the room from where I am currently typing and take a trip down memory lane? There we go. Now it’s time to see my Atari 2600/7800 game collection and note that all the money spent on these games could have went to purchase Microsoft stock. I have these games ranked by the company that made them, or something of that nature. You'll figure it out.
Activision Games: Commando (I have two of this title. I must have broken or stolen one of them), Decathlon, Dolphin (more on this one below), Keystone Kapers (I always laughed when I made the cop duck because it looked like he was going to the bathroom; when I got a “best of Activision game” a year or two ago one of the first things I did was play this title and, sure enough, made the cop duck just so it looked like he was pinching a load), River Raid (loved this one, even though I was, and still am, terrible at it).
I have no idea what posse the following games were from. They were funky cartridges that were long, thin and black with a slanted top saying the game’s title. None of these have any artwork. Astroblast, Football, Kool-Aid Man (!), Soccer. Here’s a little more background on the above-mentioned football game. One Christmas my cousin had his uncle figure out how to control his team’s players, and I proceeded to get slaughtered something like 100-0. I got my revenge next year when I learned how to run and pass, but I think that was also the same Christmas when I got the air hockey table and my football glory was short-lived. While playing air hockey, my cousin was cheating (or something) and I was calling him on it. I think our house rules was that a player wasn’t allowed to go beyond the table’s middle stripe, and he was constantly violating this rule. I then proceeded to get yelled at by my mom and aunt for my enforcement of these ever-so-strict guidelines because I was beating him anyway (what I lacked in other facets of my life I more than make up for in air hockey, believe you me). My cousin said something smart-ass to me and I replied, “OK, DICK FACE!” and wailed my air-hockey paddle at him, much to the horror of all the adults that were in the room (except my dad; I think he found the whole thing funny as hell). Memories.
Imagic Games (the ones with a sorta slanted top and this fancy silver label): Cosmic Ark, Demon Attack.
EPYX Games (mostly white labels; I can’t describe these games any further than to point out I didn’t play these titles a lot): California Games, Sea Hunt, Summer Games, Winter Games.
US Games (white background label with a blue background with a white lettering to the cartridge’s top). Eggomania (I can’t begin to describe this one), Gopher, Name This Game (It was a contest and was sorta like a Sea Hunt-type game, only better; you had to fight off a shark that got faster with each passing level and this big, black octopus.)
Other: Amidar (I have no idea what this is but an ape, pig, painter and Indian with a bone in his nose are on the cover; I think I may have been a Pac-Man-like game where you had to fill a screen with something before the bad guys get you), Blueprint (no idea) and this cartridge with the label ripped off. I think it is “Frogger” because I know I had this game and can’t find it elsewhere. Now that I think about it, I know it’s “Frogger” because that game used to piss me off to the point where I got so mad I would take the game out of the console and BITE IT!!! Eventually the saliva dissolved/tore off the game’s label. What in God’s name is wrong with me?
Now time for the basic Atari cartridges: Adventure (you’re a square and have to fear the green/yellow/red dragons, unless you have the sword that looks like "-->"), Asteroids, Battlezone, Centipede (once I found out you were an elf with a hippie wand, my opinion of this game declined; I thought for quite a while you were in some cool spaceship blasting away), Berzerk, Combat, Defender, Donkey Kong, Golf, Joust (one of my favorites), Jungle Hunt, Kangaroo, Mousetrap, Ms. Pac-Man, Pac-Man, Real Sports Baseball, Space Invaders, Superman, Vanguard (I don’t remember much about this game other than it was one of my favorites), Video Pinball, Yars Revenge (loved that cover).
Hey, aside from Xevious I also had Choplifter for the 7800, along with Pole Position (or was it Pole Position II?)
Here’s another memory of the 2600: There were some games where if you got to a certain score you could win a prize if you took a picture of the game with a camera and mail it in. One of these titles was Activision’s Dolphin. As a kid I could never achieve this score (I think it was 100,000). Believe me, this was frustrating, especially since I really wanted that hippie Dolphin patch. Years and years later while a college student I dusted off my 7800 to play some old games. One of these games I put in the 7800 was Dolphin and began playing. And playing. And playing. It wasn’t until I was about 90 percent of the way through the game when I noticed how close I was to accomplishing what I gave up so long ago doing. Then the pressure hit. Although I lost a few dolphins to that bastard squid, I eventually beat the game. The best way I could describe the feeling is to compare it to that day when you are finally able to beat your old man in a one-on-one basketball game. So you’re now better than your father at something you spent years trying to best him at. Big deal. You don’t feel any different and your dad knows his glory days are behind him anyway, so it’s not like he cares much either.
One final note. Just to embarrass myself even more than I already do, I would like to say that I took pride in owning every game that was on the Pac-Man Fever album: Pac-Man, Frogger, Centipede, Donkey Kong, Asteroids, Defender, Mousetrap and Berzerk. And yes, I do remember them in order. However, I didn’t remember the actual titles to all the games, just the games they represented. Now if you will excuse me, I got a pocket full of quarters and I’m headed to the arcade.
8:30 p.m.
• New job, new likely addition to the family, looks like 2008 is going to be one interesting year. Then again…
Shit.
• So today at work I was called into a staff meeting to go over the new batch of envelopes we all have to stuff. This is awesome. Wednesday could quite possibly be my last full day on the job, and I’m going to spend it stuffing even more mother fuckin’ envelopes.
To make things better, I got an e-mail while I was away from someone I deal with whose project I re-created for her on a larger format because she wanted it to be bigger. I told her that I thought this was a bad idea, but after going through several time-consuming drafts she now tells me that she wants it to be back how it used to look. Oh I can't wait for Thursday (maybe Friday, depending on my mood).
Well, 2006 is almost at an end and many people go out to celebrate the upcoming new year. I am not one of those people. New Year’s Eve never appealed to me, especially with all the drunken idiots out there. For years the better half and I have just stayed home and watched some movies. Speaking of movies, I saw “Glory Road” the other day. It was there. If you liked “Remember the Titans” (and I did), and if you like college basketball, then you’ll like “Glory Road.” One thing I never understood about these kinds of films – why is it the whites always end up acting like the black people in order to be “cool”? Fuck that shit. Us crackers can get down with the jiggiest of them. Well, OK, maybe not. But our hair isn’t as nappy. Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah. New Year’s Eve.
This is the time of year that many people reflect upon their lives and vow to make drastic changes to supposedly improve themselves. Like the December 31 partygoers, I am not one of these people. However, last year I did make resolution to start putting money away. After spending the last few years buying a house and paying for my wedding, it was time to build up that nest egg. Then earlier this year the better half told me that her financial problems were out of control. Since then I have taken control of the household finances, and so far we’re a little less than half-way to paying off her credit card debt, which isn’t too bad, considering she went through an employment change this year and for a little more than three months was making considerably less than she had been. Other than this issue, I don’t see any problems on the horizon for ’07. Hopefully, this debt I talked about can get erased by the end of 2007, but if it takes until early ’08 then I will be more than content.
Getting back to New Year’s Eve. I’m trying to think back to any wacky stories that I was involved in on previous December 31sts, but all that I’m coming up with were a few years when, as a kid, I went all-night bowling with my old man and some other people – a step-brother one year, a few friends the next, some people that I never saw before. Each time the old man got pissed off over something stupid and the night usually ended up with someone screaming or one of our “guests” destroying property (one kid bowled a ball into a plant container – don’t ask). There was another year, when I was of college age, when me and a few friends got stood up by this one chick who was supposed to give us directions to this party she was at, but instead she got drunk and forgot about us (or at least that’s how the story went). Hell, for the big 2000 celebration, I was living at Sappy Valley and watched the festivities in my apartment because Mrs. kkk was at her part-time food-service job. Even if she didn’t have to work that night, it really wouldn’t have mattered because I had to go to my job a few hours afterward for my 3-11 a.m. shift. That morning’s work was interesting because a graphic artist discovered that our organization wasn’t “Y2K” compliant. It wasn’t a big deal – some automated forms were dated 1/1/1900 rather than 1/1/2000, but it was still good for a laugh.
Well, that’s about it for 2006. See you all NEXT YEAR LOL2006(7)~!!!!!
Oh righty. Let’s see if I can end the regular season on a positive note.
(2.5) N.Y. Giants at Washington
The Giants still have a shot at the playoffs. From NFL.com:
I’ll make it easy. Redskins win, Tiki’s dreams of a Bettis-like sendoff get dashed and everyone can blame the coach.
Atlanta at Philadelphia (7.5)
The Falcons still have a shot at the playoffs. From NFL.com:
I’ll make this easy. The Falcons will lose. But will they lose by a big amount? I’ll say no.
Buffalo at Baltimore (9.5)
The Ravens still have a shot at claiming home-field advantage, and even though they’ll probably win, I’ll give the Bills a fighting chance.
(2.5) Carolina at New Orleans
The Panthers are still in the playoff hunt, but I still have that bad taste a few weeks back against the Steelers where they quit, so I’ll say go Saints.
Cleveland at Houston (4.5)
No playoff talk here. Houston will probably win, but will they win by four-and-a-half points? Sure.
Detroit at Dallas (12.5)
I hope the Cowboys get up by 10 and then put it in cruse control.
Green Bay at Chicago (2.5)
The Packers can clinch a playoff. From NFL.com:
But the Bears will win and ruin what could possibly be BRETT FAVRE’S FINAL REGULAR-SEASON NFL GAME.
Jacksonville at Kansas City (2.5)
Both teams need this win to bolster their playoff chances. Will the Chiefs lost two home games in December in the same season? I’m going with history on this one.
Miami at Indianapolis (9.5)
After that Houston loss, now I’d say it’s panic time for the Colts. Then again, maybe this “nothing-to-lose” mindset going into the playoffs might be good for Indianapolis.
New England at Tennessee (3.5)
Will this second-half-of-the-season rally stop here for the Titans? I’ll be a party pooper and say yes.
Oakland at N.Y. Jets (12.5)
I’ll say the Jets will win, but not by a dozen points.
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (6.5)
For all the crap the Steelers have gone through this season, to finish 8-8 will be much better than 7-9. However, I have to imagine the Bengals will be out for blood after what happened the last time the Bengals hosted the Steelers.
Seattle at Tampa Bay (3.5)
Even though Seattle has clinched the NFC West, that’s not saying much. I’m sure they would like end the season on a winning note before trying to make it back to the Super Bowl.
(2.5) St. Louis at Minnesota
The Rams can clinch a playoff spot, according to NFL.com, if the following happens.
I’ll say why not.
Arizona at San Diego (13.5)
Wow. I’m sure the Chargers will win, but will they win by that big a margin? Hopefully, the Chargers’ second unit will be able to trounce the Cardinals’ starters.
San Francisco at Denver (10.5)
The Broncos will probably win, but the 49ers will make it a game.
10:45 p.m.
• OK, for the love of God, Bob Costas, please stop making that forced laugh on Sunday Night Football whenever Keith Olbermann makes a wisecrack during his highlights. I've said it before: Even though Keith should be strung up for treason, I think he's excellent at doing sports highlights. You don't need to have laughter in the background. Trust me. It's not necessary.
9 p.m.
• Oh hell no.
I'll tell you what. The GOP choice of candidates aren't really doing much for me, outside of Rudy. The only thing I like about Huckabee is that he's for a national sales tax. However, that's about the ONLY think I like about him. Romney is just there -- no way he'd win in a general election. Thompson: meh. I didn't bother reading the title to the following link on Drudge, but it pretty much speaks for itself:
The Jesus freaks are for Romney and Huckabee and non-Jesus freaks are for McCain and Giuliani. Add the percentages up and it looks like the Republican voters are split with 32 percent going for Romney and Huckabee and 32 percent going for Giuliani. Who's backing Thompson? People who watch "Law and Order." It's still too early to see who will break out.
But what about the Democrats? You came to the wrong place for that. I still say Hitlery is going to get the nomination because if Obama or Edwards takes a big lead nationally, they'll wind up dead.
• I just noticed I forgot to give a TB score for the Steeler game. Oops.
11:45 a.m.
• This local story has been on my nerves for a while. Basically, the county that engulfs Shittsburgh is going to tax booze to fix a funding gap in our region’s pisspoor Port Authority system.
Now here’s what pisses me off: Why the hell do restaurant owners have to suffer because the government is unable to maintain an efficient transit system. Isn’t it great that you can tax things that have nothing to do with a funding issue? Wow, that will really make the Port Authority change its ways. Why, in two years when nothing changes, the Allegheny County can tax potato chips or universal remotes!
I liked this newsbit in particular.
Dan Onorato is the county executive, and while I like a number of things he does (even for a Democrat), he’s wrong on this one. And that’s also why I live outside Allegheny County.
I often wonder why other businesses don’t itemize the true costs of their products, especially gas stations. Fine, put the final cost for a gallon of fuel on your marquee sign. However, while a person is filling up at $3 per gallon, put a chart on each of your pumps showing how much of a take your friendly federal, state and local governments have on your wallet.
9:15 a.m.
• Since just about every team is resting its starters, I'll do the same. However, by "resting my starters," I mean "give picks with no explaining."
Buffalo
(2.5) Carolina
Cincinnati
Dallas
Green Bay (3.5)
Jacksonville
New Orleans
Baltimore
Seattle
San Francisco
Indianapolis
(3.5) Minnesota
San Diego
Arizona (6.5) <---- called an audible
Kansas City
I don’t even remember who won half of these games. This should be interesting.
(2.5) Miami at Detroit. Correct
I remember Detroit playing a good Thanksgiving Day game in previous years, even if they were having a shitty season. They even played well right out of the gate. However, Miami’s in the midst of “wait until next year” mode, when every player will be one year older, slower and more susceptible to injury.
Tampa Bay at Dallas (11.5). Incorrect.
Nuts, I thought I had a sleeper pick when this game first started. I then stopped watching and saw the final score later on. Ew.
Denver at Kansas City (1.5). Correct.
Because I don’t have the NFL Network, I have nothing to say about this one.
Arizona at Minnesota (6.5). Incorrect.
Damnit. Aside from those two freak plays that gave Arizona 14 points (a goal-line fumble return and punt/kick return if memory serves), this would have been a solid win.
(4.5) Carolina at Washington. Incorrect.
I can’t read either one of these teams worth shit.
Chicago at New England (3.5). Correct.
I pulled this win out by the skin of my teeth. I haven’t seen enough of Rex Grossman to pass judgment on whether or not to bench him, but he seemed good enough when the Bears were the talk of the league. I’d let him play through this slump.
(3.5) Cincinnati at Cleveland. Correct.
When Cleveland plays tough they certainly play tough. When the don’t they sure don’t.
Houston at N.Y. Jets (5.5). Correct.
I wonder how the local New York media is treating the Jets head coach now that he’s helped put his team in playoff contention? I heard in training camp/pre-season this guy was not the most media friendly coach in the league, which could spell trouble for a New York-based team if they are performing poorly.
(3.5) Jacksonville at Buffalo. Incorrect.
The Jags are yet another week-to-week team I can’t put my finger on. I guess those losses to Houston weren’t divisional rivalry flukes and part of a bigger problem..
New Orleans at Atlanta (3.5). Correct.
I predicted one of these teams to begin a late-season collapse. I have been looking at the wrong team all along. Then again, I haven’t expected much from the Falcons as of late anyway. And regarding Vick giving the “dirty bird” to booing fans – big deal. I have to wonder though if fans at this game will get Gloria Aldred to sue Vick for offending them?
(3.5) N.Y. Giants at Tennessee. Incorrect.
Ah man. I was on the wrong end of this fourth-quarter collapse. It was still funny anyway.
Philadelphia at Indianapolis (9.5). Correct.
Colts rookie running back Joseph Addai: 24 rushes, 174 yards, 4 touchdowns. I wonder how Edgerrin James likes playing in Arizona? Oh what the heck, I’ll look at his rushing stats for this year: 226 attempts, 695 yards, 3 touchdowns. Oh well, at least he’s paid. Hope he likes putting his body on the line for a bigger paycheck rather than playing for a championship.
Pittsburgh at Baltimore (2.5). Correct.
This game pretty much shut everyone up in this area about playoff possibilities.
San Francisco at St. Louis (5.5). Correct.
The 49ers gave up the win, but they didn’t give it up by more than 5.5 points. Good enough for me.
Oakland at San Diego (13.5). Incorrect.
Nuts. The Chargers couldn’t blow the Raiders out twice in a season.
Green Bay at Seattle (10.5). Incorrect.
Damnit. Missed by half-a-point. Oh well.
This week’s record: 9-7.
Cumulative record: 87-89.
Hey, I’m only two games under .500 – Time to get creamed with my Week 13 picks. I just heard on the television that Cleveland has just gone up 7-0. Gulp.
11:59 p.m.
• Well there's something I don't see every day. After Baltimore gave up the game-winning touchdown to New England, some player threw a fit, and a ref's yellow penalty marker, into the stands. This resulted in two 15-yard fouls, allowing the Patriots to kick the ball from Baltimore's 35-yard line. Weird. Man, I'd love to be a fly on the wall in the Ravens locker room after that game. Stopping a fourth and one to seal the deal and their one coach called a time out before the snap.
9:30 p.m.
• So I haven’t been paying attention to politics as of late. Am I bracing for a Democrat takeover or disgusted with the way Republicans act? Who knows. But I just listened to the latest IOWA STRAW POLL results showing Hitlery in second and Huckabee doing better than expected. Of course, this straw poll is still two months away. Jesus Christ. I think I’m now starting to understand why only half this country votes.
• So there are some who consider Jennifer Love Hewitt fat?
This is something I don’t understand. On one hand we’re being told that girls everywhere are near-suicidal because they aren’t able to look like the beanpole models found on magazine covers. However, we are facing an obesity epidemic. So which is it? Either way, I don’t care. The big question is, where are these pictures?
I can see how some thin freaks wouldn't like this, but if this were in front of 99 percent of guys out there, they would hit it without hesitation. However, I must admit that what I find more appealing about JLH aren't her looks but rather her paycheck. Do you have any idea how much she made for her role in "The Tuxedo"?
8 p.m.
• Gimmie the Pats.
1:30 p.m.
• So in honor of my soon-to-be departure from my current job, let me take a trip down memory lane for what I like to call the “Nursing Home Roundup.”
It was just over a year ago and my idiot boss was getting ready for our quarterly marketing meeting. Despite our head salesman also being on this marketing committee, he (nor I) never have any idea as to what would be discussed at this event. All that would happen is that our Board of Directors would come from out of state and rubber-stamp everything my idiot boss says. Right before this particular meeting started, the idiot tells our head salesman (I’ll call him Mike), to “follow my lead.” The idiot then gives a presentation about a newfound guaranteed issue promotion to get more money. This left Mike speechless and let me tell you why.
I’m not an insurance salesman, and I doubt you are as well, so let me do an overview of what a guaranteed issue plan is. When you get life insurance, you have fill out some paperwork and undergo a medical examination. It is usually after these examinations that the insurer finds something wrong with the insuree and jacks up the original premium from the advertised amount that initially attracted the insuree. What a guaranteed issue plan does is eliminate the need for a medical examination. So who does this plan attract? Those people who are unable to get life insurance due to their health condition. Get it? Got it? Good.
Right after this meeting, Mike was livid because he said this program was a terrible way to grow the organization. In previous meetings there was talk about getting insurance plans together to attract new members, and all this guaranteed issue plan would do is keep squeezing our already dwindling supply of customers. In addition, he said the only people who would get this plan are those too sick or old to get any other kind of insurance. And he was right. (And because this was a Guaranteed Issue plan, Mike [or any of our agents] didn’t get a commission on any sales they did.)
After manually stuffing envelopes for a week (yes, my powers-that-be don’t believe in outsourcing this menial labor or investing in a folding machine), we mailed out more than 17,000 solicitations to our customers. What was our response rate? Years ago I was told in a college class that if a direct mailing campaign gets a three-to-five percent response rate, then champagne is poured and parties are had. We got less than a one percent response – I think the final number was around 110. And out of these 110, more than half were people older than 65 years of age. In fact, one person DIED just three weeks after being approved. Why do I call this event the “Nursing Home Roundup”? Because that’s just what we did. Instead of trying to market to young families or several other demographic groups that Mike said our organization desperately needed to reach, we went with those whose address is at the local hospice.
When the results of the Nursing Home Roundup were given at a Board Meeting several months later, it was hilarious to see my idiot boss try to spin this disaster into a positive and said the following: “Did the Guaranteed Issue Plan produce what I thought it would? No. Am I disappointed by the results? No. This was the short in the arm that we needed.” It was then a director asked about some “costs” that weren’t included in my idiot boss’ report, pointing out that labor costs for the dozen or so office employees who stuffed the envelopes for a week weren’t listed (the cost to mail these letters out was well in the thousands – near the $10,000 mark). The idiot’s response? “You can do that.” By “do that” he meant “You can factor that in.” See, when you work with an unethical piece of shit, you have to listen to what this person actually says. Trying to get a liar to give you a direct “yes” or “no” answer can be quite a challenge. However, it’s also really fun to do. Here’s another example of watching what someone says.
As our head insurance salesman, you would assume that Mike would be out on the road attending various public events, meeting people and making contacts. Uh, no. Despite having a $5,000 expense budget (which is a joke in itself due to its pittance of an amount), Mike is never allowed to spend this money. Mike only went to two events this past year with costs amounting to $800. The first trip he went on was for an insurance seminar presentation, and the second trip was some annual outing where he meets and greets clients and prospective members. This event was halfway across the country and only put in expenses for gas, tolls and lodging. When it was all said and done, that amount was just under $500. Once he turned in his expense form, he was asked, “In what capacity did you attend this event?” You see, Mike was dressed in “casual” attire and roamed throughout the event’s location talking to people as if he was “one of them” rather than being dressed in a stuffy suit. For some odd reason, people tend to feel more comfortable talking about life insurance and other financial issues in a casual atmosphere. I have no idea why. I would think walking into a sterile office environment with a suit-and-tie salesman would be ideal place to talk about someone a person knows nothing about.
Why am I bringing this up? Because one time a Director asked the idiot boss why Mike’s ability to travel was limited. The idiot’s response: “Mike can go anywhere he wants.” See, Mike can go anywhere he wants, but it would have to be on his own dime, which of course he can’t afford to do. However, my idiot boss can spend several thousand dollars of our organization’s money to take a useless trip to California.
And there's plenty more where this came from.
If you’ve read my blog for any amount of time, chances are you know my opinion toward Division I-A College Football and the whole BcS system. From my 10/16 entry:
But even though I don’t care for college football, I do care about my fellow TSM brethren. When Bored needed an extra participant for this year’s college football pick ‘em contest, I was more than happy to oblige. I mean, it’s only a minute or so out of my busy week to PM him each week’s picks. Well a funny thing happened; I managed to scrap and claw my way to the Meow Mix Pussy Bowl up against my hated rival Kotz. Well, maybe not “hated rival,” but I know he won’t be inviting me over for dinner anytime soon. I figured because I post all my NFL selections, why not include this year’s bowl games?
Please note that I have spent zero time actually thinking about these selections, which is how I approached my selections for Bored’s contest. Now if USC is playing California Christian Academy Tech in Week 1, then I’m going with the Trojans. But for just about anything else, I’m completely in the dark, which in many cases would probably be the best way to pick games. I have no idea which teams have already won, nor do I really care. I’ll probably do a recap after the BcS game to see how good (or bad) I did. Oh, and Papajohns.com Bowl? Insight Bowl? Meineke Car Care Bowl? International Bowl with Cincinnati vs. Western Michigan on January 6? The hell?
December 19th
Poinsettia: TCU vs. Northern Illinois
December 21st
Las Vegas: BYU vs. Oregon
December 22nd
New Orleans: Troy vs. Rice
December 23rd
Papajohns.com: South Florida vs. East Carolina
New Mexico: New Mexico vs. San Jose State
Armed Forces: Tulsa vs. Utah
December 24th
Hawaii: Arizona State vs. Hawaii
December 26th
Motor City: Middle Tennessee vs. Central Michigan
December 27th
Emerald: Florida State vs. UCLA
December 28th
Independence: Oklahoma State vs. Alabama
Holiday: California vs. Texas A&M
Texas: Rutgers vs. Kansas State
December 29th
Music City: Clemson vs. Kentucky
Sun: Oregon State vs. Missouri
Liberty: Houston vs. South Carolina
Insight: Texas Tech vs. Minnesota
Champs Sports: Purdue vs. Maryland
December 30th
Meineke Car Care: Navy vs. Boston College
Alamo: Texas vs. Iowa
Chick-fil-A: Georgia vs. Virginia Tech
December 31st
MPC Computers: Miami vs. Nevada
January 1st
Outback: Tennessee vs. Penn State
Cotton: Auburn vs. Nebraska
Gator: West Virginia vs. Georgia Tech
Capital One: Arkansas vs. Wisconsin
Rose: USC vs. Michigan
Fiesta: Boise State vs. Oklahoma
January 2nd
Orange: Louisville vs. Wake Forest
January 3rd
Sugar: Notre Dame vs. LSU
January 6th
International: Cincinnati vs. Western Michigan
January 7th
GMAC: Ohio vs. Southern Miss
January 8th
BCS Championship: Florida vs. Ohio State
11:59 p.m.
• So the paperwork finally came through and I'll be working at another place of employment in '08. The question now is when do I quit my current job. For as much as I want to get the hell out of there, I just know if I do so Monday, they will do everything in their power to screw me out of my vacation/holiday time for the past week. Now I'm in the mood for some workplace stories, so expect a few in the near future.
12:45 p.m.
• Good boy.
• Well they say Famous deaths always come in threes. First was James Brown. Next was Gerald Ford. Who will be number three? Saddam Hussein?
Then again, that Peter Boyle hippie might have been number one in this trio. Who knows. Regarding the death of Ford, I never paid much attention to his presidency. I remember hearing on Rush’s show once some sub-host (either Tony Snow or Michael Medved) said he had the most vetos of any four-year president. He pardoned Nixon and lost to that doofus Jimmy Carter. He also played football. That’s all I got.
• Interesting. We named our most recent kitty acquisition Max, and there’s a weiner dog named Max that lives across from us. Interesting note: last winter (or was it two winters ago?) I was watching my Max looking out our front-door window and he had that look whenever a cat sees something outside like a bird or a bug. I looked out the window to see what caught his eye, and it was Max romping about outside. Suddenly, this stupid dog ran in front of a moving car, and for a second I thought I was going to witness the premature end to the neighborhoods dachshund. Forturnatly, the car wasn’t speeding and was able to stop before hitting the dog. Had this vehicle killed Max, I wouldn’t have blamed the driver for this one. I let the neighbors know of what had happened and unfortunately for Max he now spends most of his outside time on a leash next to his bigger canine companion. It’s a shame, too, because it was fun to throw snowballs at him as I went to get the mail and he did his pseudo-charge at me that would switch into to a full-fledged retreat the moment I turned around to face the ravenous beast. There were also times I remember Max romping about in my yard, and even up to my front door, much to the chagrin of my three kids.
Oh, yeah. Here’s the story that prompted me to type the above paragraph:
If Mrs. kkk would surprise me on December 25 with one of your yuppie cars parked on our driveway with a red bow on top of the roof, I'd still rank my Atari 2600 way higher on my list of favorite holiday gifts than your overpriced junk.
I can't remember when I got my first Big Wheel, but I'd put that above getting one of your cars.
11 p.m.
• So my local liberal rag ran an editorial earlier this month that I just stumbled across. There's a local RIGHT-WING RADIO station that is doing a re-shuffling of its lineup. Oh Noes, the left-wing editorial board doesn't approve.
I find it hilarious that the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette would comment about one-sidedness when their editorials are nothing more than a stream of never-ending hippie crap, but whatever. Basically, KDKA dumped a few hosts, brought back a long-time host and kept the station's best talker. Take it from me: Mike Pintek, Fred Honsberger and Marty Griffin is NOT an "overwhelmingly conservative" slant. Marty's a tool; I heard he's liberal but that's not why I don't listen to him -- he's an "investigative reporter" for a local television station and annoying as hell with his EVERYTHING is an OUTRAGE blather. I would put money on Pintek voting more Republican than Democrat, but he did say that, much to his regret, he voted for Fast Eddie in the 2002 governor's election. Fred has been a mainstay at KDKA for years and is a great talk-show guy.
Here's the bottom line, and the Post-Gazette even admits this:
That's why KDKA brought back Pintek, and that's why Honsberger still has a job at KDKA. It's business, you dipshits.
What in the hell has that got to do with talk-radio programming? If we're going to go by this logic, how come the Shittsburgh Post-Gazette, along with the legions of other liberal media outlets, suddenly didn't turn conservative from 1994 through 2006 to "reflect the national political mood"? Having read the Post-Gazette from 1994-2000 and then again from 2003-2008 I can say matter-of-factly that its left-wing drivel remained the same, if not cranked up a few notches here and there.
If there's one industry I want to turn to so I can learn how to make my business successful, it's the newspaper biz. Yessire. Nothing but black on those bottom lines.
9:30 a.m.
• For God's sake, ESPN, can we please stop making references to the TOUGH TIMES WE LIVE IN? During yesterday's bowel games each contest had several references, and within a 5-minute span "Outside the Lines" and "Sports Reporters" also made comments. Good God. Can we move up President Hussein's Inauguration so we can all say we are living in a gilded age?
9:45 a.m.
• Here's another one:
"What recessionlol... blahblahblah... does Baseball need a salary cap?"
Come on, Osama, make all this go away.
LOL -- one of the pinheads on the panel just said now with these free agent signings the Yankees will be the top story of this upcoming baseball year. The Yankees are ALWAYS the top story each year, no matter what they do. And the one panelist said salary cap opponents are disillusioned?
Oh, no, in the next segment they are going to talk about the year that was 2008. Let's see if we more President Hussein or RECESSION~! references.
LOLx2 -- some panelist said Michael Phelps was celebrating when that one guy won the relay race for Team USA, Phelps was celebrating because now that guy made him "immortal" and got him all the post-Olympic deals. I'm sure Phelps was thinking, "YAY, now I get to host Saturday Night Live."
Wow, no references. Color me impressed.
3 p.m.
• More fun at work. Peep the following e-mail exchange from earlier today
“Do you happen to have the minutes from Meeting X in Connecticut?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I need them.”
“You want me to bring them upstairs?”
“Yes, since you didn’t let me know you had them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“But they (the minutes) were addressed to me.”
“I know that but you know that you don’t “get” them.”
Just because they were addressed to me I should have known they were intended for someone else. Ok then.
• Now we all know some of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male. But what about some of the worst things you can do to a Muslim female?
Oh, yeah. Killing them. That would suck.
In every family there is at least one sect that gives gifts that make you say “WTF?” And I don’t mean “WTF” in terms of fruitcake or some other equally lame gift. I know I’ve talked about Mrs. kkk’s side of the family on more than one occasion and discussed how some branches of her family tree are … unique. However, there is this couple that I legitimately can’t stand. I know I’ve mentioned them before, but for those who haven’t had the opportunity to learn about this happy family from Day 1, here’s a recap:
Mrs. kkk’s one cousin married some near-toothless Mexican who already has several kids from a previous marriage that he does shit with. Both were part-time janitors when they decided to have kids. There’s one problem: the Mexican is sterile, so they went to the clinic to knock the chick up via turkey baster. Please keep in mind that by now they have already claimed bankruptcy once and collect welfare, among other wonderful gimmies from the government. Because kid number one was such a joy, they decided to have another test-tube baby. Oh, and these welfare pros have purchased their own house and have a new car. All on a part-time janitor’s salary. Oh, and the wife works for the State as a “maid.” She gets paid to “clean up” half of her aunt’s house. What she actually does is sit down and watch TV all day. Why did I say “half of her aunt’s house”? Well because another relative is supposed to clean up the other half.
While I was over my old man’s house the day before Christmas, the better half went to her aunt’s house, where she ran into this happy family of four. What did they give Mrs. kkk for a Christmas gift? A picture of her car from when it was near-totaled a few years back from some bitch in a SUV plowing into her from behind. Oh, and we got the latest installment of this family’s “newsletter.” Every word/space/etc. has been faithfully restored, except for the text in bold. The names have been changed to protect the pathetic. Or am I just saying that and the names are indeed real? Either way, enjoy.
What did I get from Santa this year? I’ve said before that the better half hates shopping for me because she can never figure out what I want. This Christmas it was more of the same. I got season 8 of South Park, season 1 of Mind of Mencia, Unbreakable, Saw II and a new pair of work shoes. Whatever. I’m content. The better half was surprised at a number of things I got her, especially the cookbooks because she has been saying for the last several months how she wants to start baking and all that other shit. In fact, the one book I bought her was a title that she actually wanted. Go me.
Christmas in the kkk household usually goes like this. I’m first to wake up, which gives me a chance to put the presents I bought under the tree. Now I’m a bit of an odd bird in many ways, and one of them is that I refuse to use gift-wrapping paper. Fuck that shit. I use newspaper to wrap my gifts. First off I’m not buying this shit that will be torn to shreds when I already subscribe to a publication whose newsprint works just as fine. If anything, it’s easier to mold newspaper around a present than it is gift-wrapping paper. I also do this because it’s the degree I got in college. Newspaper = journalism school. Get it? Boy I’m a clever one. Well, if by “clever” you mean “a cheap sad sack hunk o’ man” then you would be correct. Eh, I’ve been wrapping gifts too long with newspaper to turn back now. This sort of thing is now expected of me, just like at this place when I say “hippie” or “commie” or “Jew bastard.” If I didn’t do these things, people would say, “what’s wrong?” Well, actually they say that anyway, but now I’m getting off track.
Once the better half wakes up she takes the stockings we hang over our entertainment stand and let the cats have at the toys she purchased them. It’s rather amusing because for about 20-30 minutes it’s nothing but a catnip orgy. After that entertainment dies down we exchange presents while “A Christmas Story” is being played on TBS. Even though we have the DVD to this holiday classic, I still feel the need to have it on with commercial interruptions. I do not know why. After gifts are exchanged we watch movies or something before heading out to my brother-in-law’s house for Christmas dinner. There we meet up with the in-laws, and Mrs. kkk’s sibling who isn’t a crack-whore. Now every year they make ham for dinner, and for as much as I love bacon and pork chops, I really don’t care for ham. I can’t explain why. I’ll have a slice or two, but I generally fill up on mashed potatoes and corn. More gifts are exchanged. Well, mostly gift cards, but it’s no big deal. This time is for the nieces and nephews in this house. To make matters better, this year the crack-whore sister-in-law wasn’t there because the courts aren’t allowing her to be in the same residence with her one daughter, who was at this function. For those keeping score at home, this is the other kid this crack-whore popped out; not the out-of-control 19-year old. This kid is the same age as the brother in-laws two kids, and this niece-in-law lives with her father and step-mom, so hopefully she has a chance in this crazy world.
Overall, this year’s Christmas was pretty much the same as the last few. It wasn’t “exciting,” but then again I’m no longer a kid, so it shouldn’t be. In a way, I’m starting to dig watching my nieces and nephews open their gifts and think back to when I was that age. Oh, before going to the in-laws we watched two rented movies: Invincible and The Lady in the Water. Invincible was good for what it was; if you like seeing Marky Mark run around on special teams for the Philadelphia Eagles, then you’ll be in heaven. I actually got a chuckle out of Greg Kinnear playing head coach Dick Vermil, and I never heard the story of that Vince Papale guy before, so that was interesting. As for Lady in the Water, if you buy this movie at full price you’ll be the one all wet. Ugh. I’m not a huge fan of M. Knight What’s-his-name, but then again I don’t “hate” him either. The only film I haven’t seen of his yet is Unbreakable, and since I got that for Christmas, I’m sure I’ll be watching it soon enough. When I do, I’ll rank his movies or something – yeah, that should take up a day’s worth of entries.
10 p.m.
• So the better half and I went out to the malls and shit today for some DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS sales. Meh. I don’t really care for the “Day After” sales because they’re not really that good. Plus everybody and their mother are out either returning gifts or spending money/gift cards they go the day before. As an added bonus, due to all the shit I’ve eaten for the last few days I think it finally caught up with me. Blech. To make matters worse, it wasn’t that cold out today (damn you global warming), and the jacket I had on was making me hella hot. Add up all these factors and I had the mother of all headaches today. Bummer. When we got home today I went straight for the Tylenol and the bed. I woke up about 10 minutes ago and figure that I better get my ass to sleep rather soon if I’m to properly deal with going in to work tomorrow. Then again, work probably won’t be all that bad, especially since I’ll have off Friday and Tuesday. Mother fucker, JJ is rolling around on the computer desk and he just fell onto the keyboard. It’s rather odd: the upstairs rooms seem to be his “lair,” although Max generally hangs up here, especially during the summer months. However, JJ will just sit up here for days at a time, only coming down for meals and whenever he gets a spurt of energy. Well, at least my headache’s gone.
Oh, I almost forgot (or wanted to forget): We paid a stop to Babies R Us. When she was pricing cribs and all that other baby stuff she was aghast at the prices and said, "where are the baby items for those on a budget?" My reply: "Target." That actually got a laugh out of her. Oh, and there are these things called "Pregger Pops" that are supposed to help with morning sickness and all that other shit knocked up women go through. That's all I got.
9 p.m.
• Slept in a bit this morning. Got Season 10 of South Park and a wireless remote controller from the better half. Got money and gift cards from the in-laws. With the plethora of DVDs I purchased this holiday season for myself, and with the lack of appealing after-Christmas sales that the local circular had for tomorrow, I think I'm going to hold onto these cards until some better sales come my way (New Year's/MLK/Presidents/etc.) Exciting stuff, I know. After I post this entry, I'll be on the phone to mom to let her know that she will, barring a miscarriage, become a grandmother. Oh, and also that the 20+ containers of stuff she has stored in our house needs to go in the next six months. I just knew there were some plusses to getting the Mrs. kkk preggers.
10 p.m.
• So just whenever I fret about my child-rearing abilities, I come across an experience like I had yesterday. The better half and I went to her one friend’s house to deliver Christmas presents to her two kids. We got her five-year-old son an easel/art set and her two-year-old daughter a Cabbage Patch Kid. Well, when the kids opened their gifts, the daughter (Terri) went straight for her brother’s gift (I’ll call him Mike). No surprise. Who wants a doll when your sibling has this cool thing that you can scribble on? Well this of course brought a bit of the sibling rivalry, as Terri was badgering Mike by drawing on his canvass. Mike countered by yelling and the two were pushing each other around. Now Mrs. kkk’s friend’s boyfriend was getting annoyed by this. I make it a point not to criticize a person’s parenting style, but when Terri took one of Mike’s toy magnets that helped keep his coloring picture on the easel board and ran into the kitchen, which prompted Mike to give chase, the boyfriend got up from watching the televised NHL game, picked both kids up off the ground and nearly tossed both into the corner of the living room. Jesus Christ. Now I don’t live in this house, so I don’t know firsthand of the craziness that goes on 24/7, but this was harmless. Hell, Terri had a smile on her face and was giggling when running into the kitchen with Mike’s magnet. Anyway, this prompted both kids to start screaming and crying hysterically, and for what? For being kids. The boyfriend shouted out a number of obscenities, and I could tell if we weren’t there Mrs, kkk’s friend would have gotten into it with the boyfriend, who was also Terri’s father. I’ve said my fair share of negative things about kids, but I do know that kids will be kids. As long as they’re not monstrous trolls, then you should expect them to do what they do. But hey, they're not my kids. And they weren't getting beaten.
Now global warming is responsible for sagging coat sales? Is there nothing global warming can’t influence? From the Slimes of New York:
I would think that the lefties would embrace this aspect of our planet setting itself on high because less fur coats = less animals at fur farms. And regarding Paragraph 7:
Who in the hell buys a new coat every year? I’ve had the same non-hide jacket (with the attachable liner) for 10 years now, and it’s still in great shape, except for one “loop thing” on my left sleeve that got partially torn and had to be sewn up. My favorite part of the article was this paragraph in third paragraph:
And then about a dozen paragraphs down, we get this:
It's a shame global cooling didn't actually take place as was predicted by environmental "experts" a generation ago -- these coat stores would be making mad cash hand over fist. I bet Al Gore flying all around the world talking about his hippie global warming movie jacked this year's holiday temperatures up at least one-fourth of one-half of one-third of one-sixteenth of a percent. Damn you for ruining Christmas. Damn you all.
If you read yesterday’s entry, I know you are already psyched for Part II of my epic kkkhristmas shopping adventure. If you didn’t read yesterday’s entry, hit the “page down” button on your keyboard. I’m not linking yesterday’s entry for you lazy fucks. That would be stupid.
Now it was onto Best Buy, which is across the street from my local mall. Problem is there are about 1,000 vehicles blocking my path. You know, I don’t mind gridlock all that much during this time of year. I mean, it’s the holiday season. What else do you expect? What annoys me is when the light turns green and nobody moves an inch until the light turns yellow. But I digress. OK, now I’m at my Best Buy, unlike the other one I was at earlier in the day, which was closer to my workplace. This is my Best Buy. Stay away Shittsburgh residents. I got a workout tape she not-too-subtly mentioned a few weeks back. What else? She said a while back that she liked “The Little Mermaid.” What do you know? A LIMITED-TIME SPECIAL EDITION of this movie is on the shelves. What a coincidence. Alrighty then. Oh shut the fuck up. I’m standing with these people who are bitching about having to wait in line. IT’S KKKHRISTMAS TIME – WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? If you don’t want to wait in line then shop on-line or don’t shop at all. This one lady is complaining about not having feeling in her arm from carrying a slow-cooker or something. THEN PUT IT ON THE FLOOR! Jesus Christ I hate these people. You’d think they were in a concentration camp rather than in a Best Buy check-out line. The only thing I hate about waiting in line is that the other customers take seemingly forever to make their transactions and mine takes about a minute. What the hell? I want to have people in line wait as long as I did. Bastards. Why couldn’t my credit card have been declined on my first swipe or something? Oh well, I’m out.
As I’m driving back home I noticed the Wal-Mart shopping center (not the one I went to earlier today, this one is populated by rednecks, while the other is occupied by folks from the ghetto) and there’s no way in hell I’m going into that mess. There are other stores in this area, but I’m not braving that mayhem just to deal with all the white trash that I’m sure are milling about. I think I’ll take my chances with the other shopping center down the road with the Target and Kohl’s. First I stopped into Kohl’s. They have some neat stuff that the better half might like. Too bad I can’t find any of it. Hey, one of those foot bath things would be a good gift because she recently bought all this overpriced moisture junk and she’s been soaking her feet in our spare dishpan that we’ve never used. But which one do I pick? Christ, what’s the difference between them – they all have BUBBLES and HEAT and other shit I don’t care about. Oh I’ll go with the Conair one because it has some recoiling cord. Oh God, I just heard this redneck ask his girlfriend/wife/sister how much 10 percent off of $19.99 would be. You got to be kidding me. A 10 percent discount barely covers the sales tax; it’s not that big a deal. I remember back in ’98 I worked for a few weeks at some kitchen store that was going out of business, and everything was marked off. Many items were 10 percent off, and the customers didn’t believe the prices I rang up for them. “Did you factor in the discounts?” they would say. Uh, yeah. AND I ALSO FACTORED IN THE SALES TAX YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES! Those were some fun times, but I’m getting off track. Oh hell no, I see boxes in the cooking section with Rachael Ray’s face on them. Oh my blood pressure is skyrocketing now. Words can’t describe how much I loathe this woman. Now I’m in the checkout lane and I’m ready to go home. The total gets rung up and then I do the unthinkable. I ask, “is that with discounts included?”
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I was just making fun of these people and now I’ve become one. No, I didn’t mean it like that! I meant to say that would I need to use my Kohl’s card to get the discount. Sonofabitch, I’m too late. Now the customer service representative has the upper hand by telling me that is the discounted price. Shit shit shit. Wait a second, why do I even care? Oh, yeah, because I like to make fun of stupid customers. Oh well, I’ll take my slings and arrows. One final stop to go, and that’s the Target store. I’ll get that six-in-one DVD holiday special with Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer and other shows that only get shown once per year. For some reason the better half likes that bigfoot-thing in Rudolph special. Personally, I hate all these shows, especially the one with the mule who had the big ears, even though it wasn’t one of the cartoons featured in this disc. If memory serves, there is this baby mule with big ears and for one reason or another he gets kicked out of his barn. His mom goes with him, protects him from the cold and DIES. Later the mule carries a knocked up Virgin Mary or something, so I guess that’s what his purpose in the world was, but the whole thing just depresses the hell out of me. Oh, yeah, Target. I also got these squirrel candle holders and shaving gel for stocking stuffers and two cookbooks because she’s been whining about wanting to start baking and cooking and all that other shit. Of course, she never talks about wanting to clean up the messes she leaves afterwards, but once again I digress. Now I’m going home. Final tally: Five DVDs/DVD sets, two cookbooks, two calendars, a foot massage thingy, some minor stocking stuffers. I usually get more stuff, but I wanted to take it easy this year due to debt that Mrs. kkk built up over the years that needs to get paid off. It’s more than I originally wanted to get, but what the heck, it’s kkkhristmas time.
1 p.m.
• OK, I got one of these what-were-you-doing-during-the-1980s and decided to give it a go. These answers will be the first thing that comes to mind. I noticed while copying and pasting the questions that there are some “favorites” listed. My first thought will be my “favorite” during the time. So if I'm asked about my “favorite 1980s athlete,” it would be my thought during the 1980s, not my “current-day” favorite athlete from the 1980s.
remember when.....
1.How old were you in 1980?
4-5
2. How old were you in 1989?
13-14
3. Were you a Toys R' Us kid?
Not until the local Children's Palace went under
4. Did you watch Transformers?
Not really
5. Did you see E.T. on the big screen?
I think so
6. Did you own a Lite Bright?
I think so
7. Who is your Favorite Golden Girl?
Sofia
8. When someone says " Who you gonna call? " You think?
Ghosbusters
9. What was your favorite toy?
Star Wars action figures or dinosaur figures. I got a few miles out of my Bigwheel, too. That was all before video games, of course.
10. Did you have a Pogo Ball?
No
11. Did you listen to New Kids on the Block?
No
12. What New Kid did you have a crush on?
None
13. Did you play M.A.S.H.?
You could “play” it?
14. Did you watch The Care Bears?
No
15. Did you have Jelly bracelets?
The hell are these questions?
16. Did you have a charm necklace and/or bracelet?
Fuck no
17. Did you own a glo-worm?
No
18. Did you ever own a slap bracelet?
No
19. The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles?
Neither -- if forced to choose, The Breakfast Club
20. Did you have a crazy hair style?
No (only when I woke up in the morning before taking a shower)
21. What was your first bike?
A shitty used bike with faggy handlebars I got for $20. Years later I got a Huffy BMX.
22. Name one thing you still own from your childhood?
Oh Christ. My video games, sports cards, many of my action figures and cars. All are boxed up. I am meaning to one day re-organize my card collection, and I’m probably just going to have kkk Jr. play with my old stuff.
23. Did you have a Cabbage Patch Kid?
No
24. Did you dress like Madonna?
No
25. Rainbow Brite or Strawberry Shortcake?
Strawberry shortcake, if only for the food factor
26. Did you watch Miami Vice?
No, but I had the soundtrack
27. Did you own a pair of Jelly Shoes?
No
28. Did you own a Trapper Keeper?
Yes
29. Atari or Nintendo?
Atari, then Sega
30. Did you play Pac-Man?
Hell yeah
31. Which was better: Jem and The Holograms or Barbie and The Rockers!?
Jem. There was a kid in school named “James” and we goofed on him with the help of said cartoon.
32. He-Man or She-Ra?
He-Man.
33. What movie scared you the most?
Wow. I can’t think of one. I know I always used to watch this weekly “Saturday Nightmares” movie-of-the-week thing and just about every one of those freaked me out in some way. Can’t remember any of the names though.
34. Did you try to dance like Michael Jackson?
(Sigh) Yes.
35. G.I. Joe cartoon or comics?
Cartoon, although I was never a big G.I. Joe fan.
36. Favorite 80's movie?
Ghostbusters, although Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade popped into my head later.
37. Most nostalgic 80's movie?
Hmmm, I’d have to say “Ghostbusters” again. Just the memories of where I used to watch that film. Then again, I remember watching “Hunt for Red October” in the theater with people SMOKING around me. Oh, how could I have been so stupid? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Wait, were they in the 1980? Shit. Off by one year.
38. 3-2-1 Contact or Reading Rainbow?
Huh? I remember Picture Pages -- does that count?
39. Muppet Movie of the 80's:
Not a Muppets fan.
40. Favorite 80's sports dynasty?
You probably can’t call the Pistons of the late 1980s-early 1990s a “dynasty,” so I’d have to go with the Boston Celtics (if you could call them such a thing, too). Didn’t like the 49ers because they were getting up there with the beloved “Stillers” of the 1970s in Super Bowl wins. Didn’t really follow basketball but I knew who Larry Bird was, so yay.
41. Best Sitcom?
The Cosby show with the “new” Mamma’s Family a close second.
42. Favorite WWF Wrestler of the 80's?
Sgt. Slaughter, with that KoKo B-Ware/Owen Hart tag team an afterthought.
12:15 p.m.
• I need to check the last few weeks of my kkk Bowl matchups to see if I'm winning any of these contests.
(3.5) Cleveland @ Cincinnati. Won't be as high-scoring as the last affair, but I'm hoping the Browns play like the playoffs are at stake.
(9.5) Green Bay @ Chicago. I wasn't sure about this one. I'm hoping the Bears defense is so pissed off by the offensive unit that they mail this one in.
Houston @ Indianapolis (7.5). Oakland lost by a touchdown last week. I'm hoping the Texans can do the same.
Kansas City @ Detroit (4.5). Sure they are in a free-fall, but the Lions can win this one, can't they?
Miami @ New England (100) (22.5). You're on a roll, Miami. Lose by just three touchdowns.
(3.5) N.Y. Giants @ Buffalo. I don't think Buffalo will mail this one in, even though they are out of the playoff race.
Oakland @ Jacksonville (13.5). Jacksonville will win by 13. I hope.
Philadelphia @ New Orleans (3.5). I heard the Saints are sill in the wild-card hunt. No shit.
Washington @ Minnesota (6.5). Here's hoping the Vikings win by 4. Also, I guess they are now the NFC team analysts are saying, "Boy I sure wouldn't want to meet them in the playoffs." Christ I hate that line. I feel the need to bitch about this cliche again, but maybe some other time.
Atlanta @ Arizona (10.5). Hmm, I'm getting second thoughts about this one. No. Keep it as is.
Baltimore @ Seattle (10.5). Seattle will win, but not in double digits.
N.Y. Jets @ Tennessee (8.5). That spread seems too big for me.
(6.5) Tampa Bay @ San Francisco. I'm gettng second thoughts about this one, too. Shit.
Denver @ San Diego (8.5). I'm curious to see how the Chargers play in the postseason.
8 p.m.
• I'll take the Cowboys to win by 10+ points.
• Atari Porn. That's all I got to say.
10:15 a.m.
• So the primary car needs its annual inspection along with some brake work. We turned it into the gas station/mechanic’s place yesterday, and I had to wait 10 minutes for the poor cashier to get done ringing up some guy with a shitload of instant lottery tickets. Ugh. I’ve stated several times before that I hate lottery people, especially at a Quickie Mart. The point of a convenience store is to get in and out fast, and wanting to cash in a dozen lottery tickets, along with buying a dozen more, defeats this purpose. It’s like paying for 13 grocery items in a 10-item express lane via check. Oh well. I really wasn’t annoyed by this, but it was sad to see the poor cashier with the deer-in-headlights look because her line was growing due to this douche in front of her hoping to hit it big with government-sanctioned gambling. Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. So I got the call this morning from the mechanic about the brakes needing replaced, which I figured. It was sad to hear the bracing-for-the-total-cost tone in his voice because I just don’t get how people will flip out over the cost of auto repair. Don’t like the cost? Don’t get the work done at that place of business. The price given to me was fine – my only requirement is that I don’t want to come back for the same problem a week from now. Then I will turn into my asshole state.
• I actually went into this article with a somewhat open mind because I was curious to see how much of a commie Barack Obama was a decade ago.
Oddly enough, many times I don’t care about the “OMG he said this 10 years ago~!” gotcha game. Before he became House Minority Leader in the ‘90s Dick Gephart seemed like a decent enough person. Problem was he was now the representative for all the crackpot liberals so he had to turn up the wacko-notch a bit. Even Al Gore seemed to start off as a conservative Democrat while in Congress before becoming the enviro-weenie he is today. So let’s see what Obama said back in the day.
Whatever. I know the guy’s full of shit, but at least he’s saying the right things to convince the stupid among us that he’d actually be a so-called moderate voice. Hello, what’s this?
You’re blaming a STAFFER for not giving accurate beliefs you are supposed to hold? And you never bothered to correct the record when it went out? Hell, you didn’t even bother to LOOK OVER WHAT THE STAFFER WROTE? OK, I’m done.
For the last few years I have done my kkkhristmas shopping for the better half early into the season. Now for the first time in several years I avoided Black Friday and stayed away from those unbeatable deals found in the Sunday circulars. I figured this year I’ll do the shopping the Friday before Jesus' b-day when she’s out at her second job. So here’s a rundown of my thrill-packed day.
My workplace had its yearly holiday party, and for the third straight year I avoided it entirely. Fuck those people. Sorry, but I’m not about to break bread with a good number of these assholes, even if is just for show. If I don’t like you motherfucker I don’t like you, and the holiday season isn’t going to change that. If anything these Jew bastards should be happy they don’t have to spring for another meal at whatever cheap-ass restaurant they decided to hold this year’s lunch. Why am I talking about this? Because when everyone was out at this event, and then to an early exit home, I headed out to deliver some material to a mailing service and then thought I could get my kkkhristmas shopping done. Boy was I wrong.
My first stop was Best Buy. Holy Christ was traffic awful. In hindsight I should have known better because this shopping center is horribly laid out. I’ve stopped by this area before when I didn’t feel like going right back to work after dropping off my monthly mailing service parcels, but these times were during the non-holiday season. I should have known better, but whatever. After finally getting into Best Buy, I discovered that the store was ransacked and the shelves were nearly bare. Hell, I didn’t even know what I wanted to get the better half. However, I just spent 30 minutes in gridlock, so I HAD to get something. Let’s see, she has been nagging me about seeing the Underworld sequel. There we go. While I’m out in this area I might as well check out the nearby Target and Circuit City stores. Shit, nothing in either one of these stores. Might as well get the uber-Narnia 40-disc special edition since it’s only $7 more than the regular 15-disc non-uber-edition. Oh well, it got me out of the office for a few hours. I returned back to work for 10 minutes, finished what I had to and headed home.
On my way home from work I was stopped at a red light at a shitty intersection where the stop lights fuck the traffic up even worse than it would normally be. Hmm, there’s a Wal-Mart nearby, but it’s usually filled with black people. No joke: This store supposedly has one of the highest rates of theft in the region, and it was rumored that it would close up shop. Might as well give it a shot. Jesus Chrst, there are almost as many old/fat people in the store with those scooter devices than there are cars in the parking lot. LOL – this kid is yelling “I have to go potty” and the rest of the young’ins in this clan (3-4 more, at least) are now yelling the same thing with the parents about ready to have a meltdown. And I’ll say this about black people and shopping carts – they’re almost as bad driving those things as they are with their cars. And they aren’t insured driving either one. Or am I thinking about Mexicans? I spent about five minutes in this shithole and high-tailed it out of there. So it’s still been more than a year since I have actually purchased anything at Wal-Mart. It’s not that I’m a Wal-Mart hater. I'm an under-class hater, and Wal-Mart has plenty of them. Then again, going into one of these stores can make you feel much better about yourself, or it will sadden you seeing your fellow man in such pathetic condition. I guess it depends on what your mood is at the time. For me, seeing Wal-Mart customers is an uplifting experience, especially the ones with multiple kids who are waddling up and down the aisles complaining about the prices.
The rest of my trip home was uneventful, although the shitty weather, coupled with the holiday traffic, made driving for the entire day an adventure. Fortunately, I got home in one piece. I listened to some phone messages, did a few household odds and ends, and then got ready for my second excursion of kkkhristmas shopping. But now we’ll be in my (red)neck of the woods. My stomping grounds. My people. Whenever I make my rounds with retail shopping in this area, it consists of driving out to the mall/Best Buy because they are the farthest stores away from me. I then hit all the other stores on the way back home. First was the mall. Why do I even bother going to this place? None of these stores do anything for me. I don’t buy clothes or jewelry, so that wipes out at least half of the merchants there right off the bat. Hey, I’ll walk into Spencer’s and look at all the crap that I’ll never buy. What’s funny about Spencer’s is that I always see these teen-agers hanging out, but then there are always one or two old normal-looking patrons who are in the sex-card/humor section of the store. Heh. Well, I’m at the mall, I might as well buy some way over-priced calendars of kittens. Next year is coming up and we need calendars. And they’re kitties. Sure I can get them at half-price elsewhere, but I’m already here and getting a free look at the cashier’s rack. One sixteen-month calendar and a one-a-day calendar. They cost HOW much? Oh what the hell, it’s kkkhristmas.
As I’m typing, my female cat Dessa is taking a shit in the computer room’s litter box. How the hell can cats, after squeezing out a few logs, put their noses just centimeters away from their steaming fecal matter? Gag. Now she’s trying to cover up her load by scratching the nearby wall – USE THE LITTER. THAT’S WHAT IT’S FOR! Oh, and this odor is going to linger for a while. Say, what better time to bring this entry to a close on such a riveting cliffhanger? But don't worry, tomorrow we'll have the exciting conclusion to tonight’s kkkhristmas shopping excursion.
