7:30 p.m.
• Well I’m about ready to go off to New York. This is the first time in almost a dozen years since I’ve traveled by plane. [sarcasm]I’m sooooooooo excited. [/sarcasm] To make things better, I’ll be going to the state that elected Hitlery not once but twice. The things I do to pay my mortgage.
8:30 p.m.
• So I went back to my old stomping ground today to give my co-worker my old microwave. When I was at my old workplace I had a microwave and mini-fridge that kept me from going upstairs. Woo-hoo. Well, when I was leaving, I wasn’t sure if I’d need these gizmos at my new place of employment. Turns out I don’t. And even though I can still find use for my mini-fridge, there’s really no place/use for the microwave, which is why I was more than happy to return this kitchen appliance to my brother from another mother. Anyway, I stopped by in the early morning hours and discovered that my genius ex-bosses were about to have ANOTHER mass envelope stuffing in the next few weeks. Oh think Christ I’m out.
• A while back here I made some crack about Democrats wanting to help out the “middle class” by giving out more food stamps. Well on the drive home the better half began bitching about our junior senator Junior saying the Democrat talking points. Oy vey.
• Yesterday I was watching a few minutes of this hippie documentary about “Who killed the electric car?” I don’t know what it was about – something regarding auto makers taking perfectly good electric cars and scrapping them. Well, the “activists” in this production were shown chasing around trucks carrying these electric cars to the scrap heap. Wow was this hilarious. Now here’s what I wonder: These hippies were angry that GM and Ford and Toyota were terminating the lives of these transportation vehicles before they had a chance to be productive. Wonder if these libs have the same opinion of the unborn getting taking to the “junkyard”? I’m sure they do.
• Hey, remember when Hurricane Katrina hit and the enviro-weenies were telling us that thanks to SUVs and W. that we would get BIGGER and BADDER hurricanes? Uhhhhhhhhhhh.
• So I got Boortz on and this woman is bitching about how she doesn’t like the term “unmarried” and that she would rather be called “single” because “unmarried” implies something wrong like “unhealthy” and “unhappy.” Uh, un-something means “not” and not “bad.” UnAmerican is not American. Anti-American is different. Get over yourself bitch.
• Now this is odd. A straight male figure skater?
9 p.m.
• So earlier this week it was Max’s turn to go to the vet. It’s always amusing because once the three of them figure out someone is going into the carrier it’s every feline for itself. And once they get into that carrier the unlucky kitty starts crying like there’s no tomorrow. In the house. In the car. In the vet’s waiting room. It’s rather pathetic. Then when we go to the vet’s one medical rooms and take the cat out, he or she freezes up. After some shots were given and the carrier’s door opened back up, Max ran right in without a moment’s pause. Then on the way home it’s silent because he knows he’s going back home. I think one of these times just to fuck with them I’m going to take them home, not open the carrier door and then go back out to the car. Christ I’m horrible.
Oh, and Max was fine and even lost half a pound.
• Yesterday I was flipping channels and came across it. The movie that inspired one of my all-time favorite South Park Moments.
“They Live.” Holy God was that an awesomely bad film.
7:15 p.m.
• So I watched a bit of the Super Bowl last night – didn’t see the end, though. This was a weird game for me because I really didn’t care for either team. I don’t like Emily, but knowing that Randy Moss could get a ring was way too much for me to bear. I wasn’t a big Plaxico Burress fan when he was a Steeler, even though I never doubted his talent. However, he won me over this year by playing with that bad ankle (not like winning over some miserable bastard is something to put on the old resume). Even though there were players on both teams I didn’t like, there were some that I did. I never had anything bad to say about Junior Seau, and I always liked the way Michael Strahan presented himself to the media. Hopefully, he’s learned to stop messing around with those white girls.
Even though I didn’t make a prediction before the game, I thought the Patriots would win. I was guessing it would either be a blowout by New England or a low-scoring affair (Real genius there; what else would it have been – a Giants blowout?)
• Oh, and another big story during this Super Bowl time was my U.S. Senator crazy Arlen dredging up “spy-gate” right before the Big Game. (Can I still say that without being sued by the NFL?)
Look, for those that don’t live in the commonwealth, Arlen does this stuff all the time. For those who still remember (or care), when it was time to convict Bill Clinton back in ’98, Alren invoked some “Scottish law” thing and didn’t vote. Then, shortly after Bill’s meat was off the hook, Spector began talking about this other thing that Clinton should be impeached for doing and that the whole process should start back up again. That’s our Alren. (Do I even need to mention the single bullet theory?)
For the record, I voted for Arlen in the last election and in a primary against a much more conservative Pat Toomey. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
8 a.m.
• And what is Hitlery going to do when some Muslim country rags on her for being the White Devil/Great Satan/a general bitch in nature?
Wow. She won't appear on OMGFAUXNEWSLOL2008 and may not appear on MSNBC-sponsored debates. I thought the purpose of the primary season was to get on lots of media outlets only to run and hide once elected to office?
You know, I remember when Rush Limbaugh did some dog-fades-to-Chelsea image on his television back in the early 1990s, and he got rightfully blasted for it. However, if Hitlery is going to use her adult daughter to hawk for votes, then using the “p” word is seemingly appropriate. Besides, “pimp” has gained more of a meaning than its original intent. Say, what better time to take a trip down memory lane?
Well, now I feel like it.
When I was at the test-scoring facility in Ohio, we scored some state-assessment projects via computers and others by hand. The latter consisted of the students’ actual test papers and were delivered to us by mail. These papers were grouped in booklets, and there were a bunch of them to keep organized. To aid us in properly sorting out these hundreds (maybe even thousands – I can’t remember) of packets, we hired clerks. Basically, these were high-school students doing the summer job thing.
Well there was this one particular project in which we had a really good clerk, or at least that’s what I was told by my boss. Shrug. I didn’t mind getting up and taking my test-scoring group’s completed packets and putting them back in their initial boxes – it gave me a chance to get up from my chair. Then again, I’m sure the big bosses wanted someone who made less money to do this basic function, so I don’t blame them for getting us these assistants. Anyway, our clerk (I’ll call her Jen) was going to be out for a few days due to some operation and I wanted to know if we would be given another clerk or if our project was going to be clerk-less for a time. No big deal either way. I went to Jen’s boss Joe and asked him about this. Joe was a very soft-spoken guy and was great to work with. He was one of those guys who would hardly say a word, but then when he did it would be a great one-liner. When I asked him this question, he thought about it for a second and then said he was going to get this one clerk from this one project to help us out on one day. He then said that he would get this other clerk from this other project to aid us on another day. As he was mulling his options, I made the following remark, “Doesn’t this kind of make you like a ‘clerk pimp’?” He gave his usual laugh and that was that.
Or so I thought.
The next day my boss came up to me and was freaking out because two other people in this project who were also at my same management level were freaking out. When I asked why, my boss said that Jen wrote a letter to the clerks who were going to be help us out. This letter was just a basic “here’s where you put these completed packets/etc.” guide. However, there was one passage that brought on my co-worker’s ire.
Jen used the phrase “clerk pimp” to describe her boss Joe. The sentence read something like “Depending on which day the clerk pimp decides to send you over to our project…” and our two older co-workers read this and were enraged. I then responded to my boss that I was the one to came up with the “clerk pimp” term. He then laughed and said something like “Why am I not surprised? Well they are PISSED at Jen.”
Too fucking bad.
The only time I said “clerk pimp” was to Joe, so logic told me that Joe had to have said this phrase to his clerks. If Joe doesn’t care and Jen was writing a note that was intended for her fellow clerks, then my fellow test-scoring supervisors needed to take the sticks out of their respective asses. If not, then they need to get pissed at me because I’m the one who made this oh-so-wretched description.
As I went to my desk, I could tell these two older women were pissed. I can’t remember how this started, but they mentioned this offensive letter and I went right at them and said I was the one who came up with the term in a conversation with Joe and anyone had a problem with the choice of words then they should deal with me rather than Jen, who probably heard “clerk pimp” from her boss. The one lady then said the following:
“Do you know what a pimp does?”
I laughed. I laughed quite a bit, actually.
After a few days of pseudo-drama, the “clerk pimp” saga ended, although Jen was a little jittery once she heard of the OUTRAGE her letter caused. This was before I told her to let me know if anyone gave her grief about the phrase because I was the “clerk pimp” originator. Of course, nothing ever came of it, which didn’t surprise me. It’s a wonder how we got any work done there at times.
7 p.m.
• So the better half and I got our taxes done by the H&R Block chick that Mrs. kkk has gone to for years. This year we overpaid $2500. Wait, did I say “overpay”? I meant WE’RE GETTING $2500 BABY~! Sadly, the better half does that thing where they take more out of your paycheck; I’ve just let this issue be one of those things we just have to agree to disagree on. Oh well, at least this lady is funny. Last year I made some right-wing remarks while sitting there and this year was no exception. I really don’t remember what I said because I came in toward the end of our appointment (was held up at work), but I think it had something to do what that “stimulus” package Congress is passing/just passed. Our tax lady was talking about it and I asked if illegals will be sucking on this government teet. (I heard some rumblings that they could.) She said “no,” and I replied “at least not until that bitch gets elected.” Our pseudo-accountant began laughing out loud and said if Hitlery gets elected she’s moving to Canada. Uh, why? They already have their government health care. Then again, our friends north of the border don’t have 300 million people to deal with.
• I’ll tell you what – for a Republican to be this close in the polls is actually surprising for me.
Then again, it’s McCain. I lifted this from the other place.
• Even though Obama is a bigger dumbfuck than Hitlery, it'd be nice to see him get the nomination because that would mean the Hildabeast would probably never run for President again. After all, if anyone is willing to make her a running mate, I hope to God that person has a phat life insurance policy signed.
8 a.m.
• Now who didn't see this coming?
Guess what word was used next? Yep.
• This kind of story usually sprouts up around election time.
Here's another example of "song misuse" from this year that was noted in the article.
Maybe to the surprise of some, I side with the hippie artists on this one. I feel it’s the musician’s work and they should be allowed to give their permission for a candidate’s use. Now I’m sure there are rules about who actually owns a song’s rights, and if that’s the case then that’s a whole other conversation. But for any Republican to use a John Mellencamp (or some other politically active artist) song and not think there will be repercussions makes me question that candidate’s judgment even more.
Now there is a bit of a twist to Huckabee’s situation seeing how one member of the Band is supporting him, but for most of these situations Republicans just have to deal with playing Toby Keith songs on the campaign trail.
5:30 p.m.
• So there’s this one bowling alley I drive by to and from work. Oh who am I kidding? It’s the ONLY bowling alley I drive by to and from work. Anyway, they just put a new message up on its marquee: “We have the NFL Network.” Uh, it might have been better to get this station DURING the season. Then again, I’m sure when one isn’t knocking pins down or swilling brews the next best thing is to watch some guy run 40 yards really really fast.
• Looks like HD DVDs are the next Beta. Whatever. I’m not interested in next-gen DVDs yet, although I’m sure these things will be the new standard-bearer (no, I don’t frequent TSM threads of a similar nature).
When DVDs took over VHS tapes as the home-movie medium, the better half’s mom, who is afraid of any kind of change, declared this to be “communism” because she wasn’t getting a choice to keep buying movies for her VCR. Of course, shortly after she discover those things called “special features,” she fell in love with this format. She’s even stopped bitching about those “black bars.” Now that genuinely surprised even me.
• Quit fooling around, scientists. Let's get it started.
Sorry.
For what it's worth, I actually like the "started" version of that song than the "retarded" one.
8 p.m.
• And I’m supposed to feel sorry for these people?
It gets better…
So let I get this straight. This guy leased a BMW, purchased jewelry and other luxury items (some of which he still owes money on) and has out-of-control credit-card debt. But the GAS and GROCERIES are what’s really taking a wallop on his bottom line.
Great. I’m contributing to all this gloom and doom because I forgot to make two monthly payments on time this month (the car payment and my school loan). I guess I could blame the fact my wife had a miscarriage and went in for surgery and that I had other things on my mind and forgot about these two bills (both were about a week late to get paid – I generally pay off bills at the start of the month and check about mid-month to see everything was paid in full; this time during the middle of the month, I noticed I forgot to make these two transactions). Nah. I'll just blame gas prices and expensive groceries (even though I saved $47 on this week’s bill, which totaled $83 after my coupons/Jewness kicked in).
8:30 p.m.
• Don't you know that making Abdul eat crocodile meat is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
Oh, wait. It's not anymore?
Well, I guess allowing women to vote now tops the list. For now.
Then again, considering women tend to vote Democrat, maybe the Muslims are on to something here.
4:45 p.m.
• So I’m typing this during a conference call. I could get used to this, although I’m sure there’s stuff I should be writing down right now that I will forget five minutes from now.
You know, for as crazy as my job is now, it’s nowhere NEAR the same level as craziness as my former place of employment was. From my contact at my former place of employment, he said the powers-that-be still haven’t found a replacement for me. This is hilarious – when I announced my resignation on January 4…
Oh, here’s something on the conference call I need to write down. One second.
…I said that if they placed an ad that next week, they could probably find someone in a week or two and I could help the n00b out ASAP. That was January 4. So far I haven’t heard anything about a new hire. And people wonder why I left? Well, they probably don’t, but it’s rhetorical.
4 p.m.
• Now who didn't see THIS coming?
I guess it's a good thing for McCain's said he got the nomination locked up so early. If the GOP race had been several months longer, the Slimes would probably have waitied until closer to Election Day to publish this. Did he or didn't he? I don't know, and I don't care.
• Interesting. Well, not really, but it did give me something to type about below.
At my former place of employment, they had a system that accepted the ' -- however, if a name ended in, say, "LaMonde," it would appear as "La Monde" with the extra space. However, there were names in which the "M" would be lower-cased instead, and there were other instances in which it would look like "Lamonde." Oh it made editing names a real joy.
1:30 p.m.
• So I didn’t go into work today. Yeah, the weather was a bit on the shitty side, but I’ve driven in MUCH worse conditions. I think a bigger factor was the fact I needed a break. It’s only been a month, but there’s a SHITLOAD of work to do, and with news of Mrs. kkk’s miscarriage earlier this month, I’ve been going batshit. I generally take “mental health days” when I have nothing to do at work for a day or two, but I’m not sure how that sort of thing will play out here since the deadlines are much more varied than my previous job. Well, this wasn’t exactly going to be a “mental health” day because I was going to do some database work at home, but of course it’s 1 p.m. and I haven’t even started on it. This is NOT a surprising development for me. What did I do this morning? Watch the last hour of Mike and Mike while doing the dishes and vegging out watching ESPN’s first take show. Real productive there, genius.
Why am I typing this? Because while watching “First Take” I heard one of the biggest whoppers from the four-letter network in quite some time. There was an interview with some guy named Scoop Jackson dealing with the latest Air Jordan shoes or something. I never owned a pair of Jordans because I HATED the Bulls growing up. Well, the issue of kids beating up (even killing, if memory serves) others for Jordans back in the 1990s, and ol’ Scoop said that was because the shoes were hard to find – not because they cost too much.
…
The topper came moments later when Scoop said that Jordans were very popular among urban youth. Yeah, the same urban youth that regularly shell out $100+ for a pair of shoes.
Then they talked about the recent NBA trades and which teams got what they needed. Uh, New Orleans is the TOP TEAM … in the WEST?! Just goes to show how much I pay attention to the league. Well, I might as well do my in-depth reviews of the recent big NBA transactions because I know that’s what you expect from me.
Milwaukee recalls Ramon Sessions from Tulsa of the D-League.
Who?
San Antonio assigns Ian Mahinmi to Austin of the D-League.
What?
L.A. Lakers acquire Pau Gasol and a 2010 second-round draft pick from Memphis in exchange for Kwame Brown, Javaris Crittenton, Aaron McKie, the draft rights to Marc Gasol and first round picks in 2008 and 2010; Lakers sign D.J. Mbenga to second 10-day contract.
I heard about this one. The Spurs coach got pissed over this trade, so I’ll say it helps the Lakers. And what’s this I hear about them being tops in their division?
San Antonio signs Damon Stoudamire.
Uh, this is the guard that won a March Madness title in Arizona and then got busted for pot, right?
Portland recalls Josh McRoberts from Idaho of the D-League.
OK, new rule. I’m not posting transactions dealing with this “D-League” thing. I’ve actually watched a few games on NBATV this year. There’s some local team here – I have no idea what league it is, though.
Phoenix acquires Shaquille O'Neal from Miami in exchange for Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks.
I’ve been pulling for Phoenix for the last few years because I’m hoping that if the Suns win it all more teams will want to copy their style of play, which is more entertaining that the 1990s Knicks/Heat crap I was exposed to. I don’t see O’Neal as a fit, but I like him so I hope I’m wrong.
Sacramento waives Justin Williams and Dahntay Jones.
Those names sound familiar. Was Justin Williams the white guy who started shit with a reporter years ago over something stupid? Seeing how there are so few players named Williams in the NBA I’m sure this has to be the one.
Atlanta acquires Mike Bibby from Sacramento in exchange for Shelden Williams, Lorenzen Wright, Anthony Johnson, Tyronn Lue and a 2008 second round draft pick.
I liked Bibby when the Kings were a good team. That’s all I got.
Dallas signs Keith Van Horn and trades Van Horn, Devin Harris, Trenton Hassell, Maurice Ager, DeSagana Diop, first-round draft choices in 2008 and 2010, and cash considerations to New Jersey for Jason Kidd, Malik Allen and Antoine Wright; waives Nick Fazekas.
I’m curious about Kidd going to Dallas. I think they might struggle a bit in the regular season, but look at what being a number-one seed did for them last year. Then again, I remember when the Rockets got Barkley and Pippen and kept saying “wait until the PLAYOFFS.” However, I think the big acquisition is Van Horn and his shooting ability, which will be just what the Nets need to make a playoff run.
...
San Antonio acquires Kurt Thomas from Seattle in exchange for Francisco Elson, Brent Barry and a 2009 first round draft pick.
Did the white guy win the dunk contest one year?
Detroit acquires Juan Dixon and cash considerations from Toronto in exchange for Primoz Brezec...
...Houston acquires Gerald Green from Minnesota in exchange for Kirk Snyder, a second-round pick in 2010 and cash considerations.
I lumped these two together because I have no idea who these players are – I just think it’s funny that “cash considerations” were mentioned.
Denver acquires Taurean Green from Portland in exchange for Von Wafer.
Even though I have no idea who these players are, either, I couldn’t group this transaction with the one above due to inconsiderate cash.
In a three-team trade, New Orleans acquires Bonzi Wells and Mike James from Houston, Houston acquires Bobby Jackson, Adam Haluska and a 2008 second-round pick from New Orleans as well as the rights to Sergei Lishouk from Memphis and Memphis acquires Marcus Vinicius from New Orleans and the draft rights to Malick Badiane from Houston.
Doesn’t matter because I’ve given up on Houston ever getting out of the first round.
In a three-team trade, Cleveland acquires Ben Wallace, Joe Smith and a 2009 second-round pick from Cleveland plus Wally Szczerbiak and Delonte West from Seattle; Chicago acquires Drew Gooden, Larry Hughes, Shannon Brown and Cedric Simmons from Cleveland; Seattle acquires Donyell Marshall and Ira Newble from Cleveland and Adrian Griffin from Chicago.
Here we go. I have to say, when I first heard of this deal I thought it was bad for Cleveland. Don’t ask me why: You know how when you hear of a player trade and you get that initial feeling of “why did they do that?” or “wow, they got that person for THAT price?” Well, my initial feeling toward Cleveland was the former. Doesn’t mean it was a bad trade – I had the same feeling as a kid when the Pens traded for Ron Francis and Ulf Samuelsson. Then again, the only player I knew was Mario and Tom Barrasso, and the only reason I knew Barasso’s name so much is that other teams would get off a barrage of shots at him and the announcers would constantly keep repeating “save by Barrasso.”
And there you have my NBA TRADE DEADLINE ANALYSIS not-so-SPECTACULAR. I guess I should at least take a look at the standings for the first time this season.
ATLANTIC: You know, for all the shit the Knicks get, there are worse teams out there.
CENTRAL: Holy crap is this an awful division. The third-place Bulls have a .396 winning percentage. I’m sure they’re still in the playoff hunt, though.
SOUTHEAST: Orland seems to be doing well. ATLANTA is the eighth seed? Oh, wait, I missed the 76ers, with a .436 winning percentage.
NORTHWEST: Utah’s in first. Whatever. It’s funny how Denver would be the third-best team in terms of winning percentage in the East.
PACIFIC: Lakers and Phoenix are tied.
SOUTHWEST: The hell – four teams are playing .600+ ball? Lemme see the top eight teams in terms of winning percentage in the West:
New Orleans (.712)
L.A. Lakers (.685)
Phoenix (.685)
San Antonia (.679)
Utah (.648)
Dallas (.648)
Houston (.630)
Denver (.623)
Now the East:
Boston (.788)
Detroit (.722)
Orlando (607)
Toronto (.558)
Cleveland (.556)
Washington (.472)
New Jersey (.444)
Philadelphia (.436)
Now let’s see what West teams won’t make the playoffs
Golden State (.611)
Portland (.537)
Well, at least Portland wouldn’t have home-court in the first-round if they were in the East.
1:15 p.m.
• Well I guess I should be somewhat proud of myself for doing this database shit now rather than waiting until Sunday to hurry up and do this crap. It'd be even better if I knew what I was doing.
2:30 p.m.
• For those of you living single, read onward. For those married, you’ll feel my pain.
So when the better half had her second part-time job, she donated to her local church. No problem with that. That money was hers to do with it what she wanted. Then she got preggers and stopped working the second job. I have told her all along that I don’t want to donate to her church until we get our financial house in order, and for as far as we have come, there is still much work to be done. Of course, with the biggest blights – the credit card bills she racked up over the years – out of the picture there have been times I had to remind her of the other debts such as our school loans, car payment and mortgage. Well today she asked if she could do the giving-to-Jesus thing again, and once again my response was “I don’t want to do this until my school loan and the car get paid off.” The following exchange then took place. You can figure out who is who.
“Well, I really won’t be donating our money.”
“Huh?”
“I’ll be using my mom’s money for when she pays for her half of the cell phone bill.” (We’re on some family plan with her parents and we pay the actual bill while her parents give us half in cash.)
“But then who’s paying for their half of the cell phone bill.”
*silence*
Damn you, Jesus.
5:30 p.m.
• Oh, this is brilliant.
If anything these taxes will just be passed on to us, and one big reason prices are "high" is because the rest of the world is catching up with us, such as China and India. Here's a thought: If the demand is much higher, then we should increase the supply. Don't want to drill in America? Well then you must pay higher prices. If you want to tax Big Oil just to suck more money out of them, that's fine -- just be honest about it. And what the hell has that got to do with helping the little guy when it will only make matters worse?
• Yeah, boo-hoo and all that.
Now here's the part where I wish the snake would have eaten one of the parents instead.
Then again, when Max had problems peeing, we didn't notice it until it was almost too late. Then again, there wasn't a predator in his litter box.
8:15 p.m.
• Wow. This dreadful economy has hit EVERYONE.
• Yesterday I was watching PTI and they had this bit about Greg Oden being a Barack Osama fan and Wilbon practically had an orgasm over the whole thing. Good God. So the guy likes a politician who spoke with him. Big deal. However, Wilbon then said that it was soooooo great to see and hear an athlete talk about politics/race/etc. Here’s what Oden wrote.
OK, so…
…was a funny line. But back to Wilbon. I wouldn’t be comparing Oden with Jim Brown just yet. In fact, the discussion turned for a bit to athletes like Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods that didn’t take the time to turn their spotlight in the public eye to talk about issues. Hell, one of the reasons I like Woods is that he just show up, does his thing and wins. In fact, the only person that doesn’t seem to make a big deal about Tiger’s skin color is Tiger himself. And while I wouldn’t consider Jordan outspoken when it comes to politics, he did campaign for Bill Bradley in the 2000 Democrat primary. (I’m also fairly certain he didn’t attend a White House ceremony with Bush I after the Bulls won a title, but I could be wrong on this one.)
8:45 p.m.
• Hmmm, I don’t recall these signs anywhere near me.
Of course, my first thought upon reading the above article was this post made back in ’06. Time for a trip to the ar-kkk-ives.
8:30 p.m.
• So Favre’s done.
I was never a huge Favre fan, but he did have one hell of a career. I’m not sure if it’s my Mid-Atlantic bias or whatnot, but I’ve never really considered him one of the NFL’s all-time greats. If people consider him to be, then so be it. I’m not sure what’s more surprising: That he wants to call it a career after throwing that interception in the NFC Conference Championship or deciding on whether or not he’s going to play the next season so early into an off-season.
• Guess nobody in his party had a resurrection spell.
Peace out. I’m not sure if I was a true D&D gamer. When I was a kid, I loved going through this stuff, but I never had the patience (or the friends) to actually get a game going. I remember one time I actually tried putting an adventure together and one of the people in the party was being a smart ass about 5 minutes in – he wanted to walk past the CAVE OF ADVENTURE and move somewhere off the OFFICIAL MAP. I got pissed, said a lightning bolt struck his character and he died. I think I got up, walked over and punched him in the arm. A few minutes later we all were doing something else.
Even now I like going through D&D books just for the artwork. I always get a laugh at how in the Monster Manuals many of the illustrations show the bad guys pwning their opponents. And while I grew up with the Basic manual that showed the fighter and chick wizard fighting some water lizard.
Then there was the EXPERT rules, which showed a Dick Cheney-like wizard behind the scenes pulling all the strings.
And I always stayed away from that Advanced shit. I mean look at this bad-ass coming at you here.
I don’t care how good that chick’s poon is – bitch, you’re on your own.
And don’t even get me started on the rule changes that have taken place with the newer versions with those +5 initiatives and other micro shit that would make someone like me recoil in horror; I want to kill bad guys with my sword, not try to get a stealth bonus with my bugbear ranger. Give me an elf that can wear metal armor AND cast spells and put him with a fighter, cleric, magic-user, thief and I’m set.
Memories:
7:45 p.m.
• If you can’t find the joke in this one then shame on you.
Actually, I don’t get the whole “Our children NEED laptops.” Then again, I had my school years just before the whole computer thing really took off. I have to laugh because I remember doing a research paper in high school on this piece of shit word processor my mom bought because it was the “latest” thing. My how the times have changed. As I was entering college, the Internet began to emerge. Oh the days of going into chatrooms without web cams or those audio recorders. A much easier time to pretend you were an 18-year-old hottie with a D cup size.
I get that computer skills are more important than ever, but I still have doubts when hearing how it should be mandatory that the State give every kid a laptop. Can we start slow, like say make sure these kids can read?
Oh, and since we’re making fun of one of the more dependable red states out there, here's one of my favorite South Park live-action segments.
Oh, and peep this version.
It's always interesting to see the type of person they hire to do the voices in these situations. Oh, and...
...whoever thinks the above video is funny needs beaten. And beaten hard.
8:15 p.m.
• Yeah, because drug dealers will just stop selling drugs if the State bans little baggies.
I can see it now: SUPER-SIZE ME~!
8:30 p.m.
• Some more wedded bliss. Peep the following conversation that took place earlier today. You can figure out who is who.
“Do we have any noodles?”
“What kind?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“We got egg noodles in the basement.”
“I wasn’t talking about those.”
“What kind were you talking about?”
“You know.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Those oodles of noodles (which is what she calls those Ramen Noodles.”
“I don’t know.”
Of course, now she’s on a Ramen kick, which means she’s going to go out and buy a shitload of these things. This of course means she’ll get tired of eating them after the second or third bag. This of course means we’ll either have them in our house for the next five years or I’ll be forced to eat these things. Joy.
• OK, so this is funny.
When it comes to this topic, I don’t venture into smoky establishments. However, I feel it should be the employer’s right to decide if their business should be a smoking or non-smoking business. The only exception to this is if the business rents the property and the property owners don’t permit smoking. And I loathe the argument of “Well what about the employees?” Uh, GET ANOTHER JOB. Even in this HORRID BUSH ECONOMY, it’s not that difficult to get a job in the food-service industry. Shouldn’t a prospective employee have the foresight in the interview process to figure out that they might have some stinky outfits at the end of every shift?
• Oh you got to be fucking kidding me.
If you can't save up from now until when this HD switch is to take place, you shouldn't be watching television in the first place. You should be getting a job. Gee, who would imagine that a government handout would cost more than its anticipated sum? I'm shocked, SHOCKED. Good thing our soon-to-be government health care will be free.
• Speaking of free health care, today we got the bill for the procedure Mrs. kkk had for getting the dead fetus out of her. More than $7,000. For a 15-minute operation. The anesthesia bill came out to more than two grand. Our copay? $60. Yeah, that'll make a dent to that bottom line. I can't even imagine how much it would have been if kkk jr. would have lived.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 2: Dr. Tom
Reporting for duty, General.
Actually, considering the Doctor has been out (of TSM, not the closet) for quite some time, I don’t think it matters much if I show up to polish up the Ann Coulter bazookas.
You might be wondering to yourself how come I have listed in the poop chute some poster who hasn’t posted for years, much like two of the last four posters mentioned on this list? (You could make the case nl-asshole would make it a clean sweep, but fagpants still shows up every now and then.) Well because during his stint as moderator, Dr. Tom was a considerable voice of reason in the CE forums. Sure he was a bit on the Republican side, but at the time he was considered a fair voice in message board matters (He banned someone over THIS back in the day. Although it's interesting to note that my lame jokes haven't changed much in almost six years.) Hell, he even closed threads making fun of JEWS. And even though he was stern with his “keep the fluff out” ideology, he didn’t have a problem with letting his hair down (actually, I don’t think his hair is all that long to begin with) and inviting all of us TSM regulars to a grand ol’ shindig in the DC area. (Speaking of “keep the fluff out,” who can forget the line “Stories about men severing their own penises, fishermen getting anally violated with bananas, and anything else that's similar to that is fluff.")
Even though Tom volunteered to be General of one of the worst message board cliques ever to appear at this place, like many other members of the Conservative Brigade he wasn’t much for the fundies in the GOP. And while we agreed on many issues, there were a few we parted ways with, such as Internet piracy. Now he’s a regular at the other place, much like other exiled brethren.
Let's see how my views have changed over time. This was in a thread about laws you would support or something like that. Bold text is what Tom said. Regular text is my response back in '04. Italic text is updated comments by me today.
************************************************
Legalize (and tax the sale of) all drugs. Build penalties into the system so that anyone who harms someone else while under the influence gets the book thrown at them, hard.
Mostly agree -- I really don't care about this issue though. If you get busted, don't bitch.
Pretty much have the same attitude.
************************************************
Legalize prostitution and devise safety controls based on the NV model.
Sure.
Whatever. It won't be my dick. I pay enough for poon.
************************************************
Legalize euthenasia.
Works for me
Still works for me.
************************************************
Repeal McCain-Feingold.
Yes
Hell yes. God damnit, John.
************************************************
Legalize gambling, again using the NV system as a model.
Yeppers
Ditto.
************************************************
Send the gay marriage issue to the states for referendum.
No because when one state adopts it it'll have to be recognized in every state.
Put a gay marriage vote in front of me and vote it down.
************************************************
Allow felons convicted of nonviolent crimes the right to vote.
No, only because they'll probably vote democrat.
This was a joke. I really don't care about this issue. If it's on the books as law, then don't commit a felony.
************************************************
A simple flat tax, with several tiers based on income, to replace the income tax. Build tax breaks into the system for small business owners and families with multiple children.
Disagree only because a flat tax with tiers based on income sounds like an income tax to me.
I still like my national sales tax.
************************************************
Double aid to Israel and remove the leash.
Don't Jews have enough money? I agree with the leash comment.
This wasn't a joke.
************************************************
Real commitment to cut spending in the federal government.
No -- I want more pork projects. Of course I agree.
Good thing we had those small government Republicans in office to keep spending in check.
************************************************
The execution of all lobbyists in DC.
Sure, except for the ones representing my interests.
Still think that.
************************************************
A complete change to the bill policies of Congress, so that ridiculous pork can't be attached to an existing bill. Anyting proposed must have its own bill, not ride on the coattails of a larger one.
Agree. Never happen though.
Still not going to happen.
************************************************
Term limits in Congress. 12 years is all you get.
No -- the ballot box solves "term limits," even if that means Ted Kennedy has a job in DC.
I'm actually starting to change my opinion on this one. I think that voters impose term limits at the ballot box, but I also think public service isn't a lifetime job. The exception to this is you spend a term or two as a state rep, then senator, then Congressperson, U.S. Senator, etc. You shouldn't be in office to collect a pension, and if term limits halts this, then I'll support the effort.
************************************************
Restructure copyright and intellectual property laws so that companies don't have an eternal stranglehold on creations. Things are supposed to go into the public domain at some point. As an addendum, legalize file sharing to make archaic fuckheaded conglomerates like the RIAA devise a working business model for the digital age.
Sorta agree. Don't care about file sharing, but I agree more with the first part.
Still feel the same.
************************************************
There you have it. Not sure what the pont of this was, but when I was about half-way through this list I figured I might as well finish it -- sorta like swimming halfway across a lake, getting tired and swimming back.
And then there was one. See you in six months...
9 p.m.
• So I heard about this story on the radio and wondered where it was taking place. I'm so proud.
Now here's what I love about the media. The article starts off by saying how SOME students are BOYCOTTING a popular campus bar. Then the article turns to some passers-by who think the ad is OFFENSIVE.
WOW, almost 260 students. Time to mobolize. But wait, what have we here...
And here's the best part of the story, oddly enough found in the last sentence.
Keep those web petitions coming, kids. You're making quite a difference there.
8 p.m.
• Do I even need to make a "How about a Thou Shalt Not Have Sex With Boys" remark with this one?
• Resign? Hell, in that state (New York), he'd be a shoo-in for re-election. Had this been a male prostitution ring, he'd be guv for life.
• The fact this person would be anywhere NEAR poon gives me that vomit-gag-taste in my mouth.
9 p.m.
• Well, there goes the neighborhood.
Christ, six weeks of ads for these two. I can't wait.
Yeah, building windmills all across the country -- except anywhere near a Kennedy residence.
8 p.m.
• So I saw this headline on Brietbart's video clips: Boy Dies After Playmates Bury Him in Sandbox to Imitate Cartoon.
I then went to Google news to get a story to see which cartoon is going to get shit on now.
Well, if this causes Naruto to get shitcanned, I know that the hosts of "X-Play" will be delighted because this probably means the video game line will be gone as well.
• Eh, big deal. The guy had a life jacket on.
6:15 p.m.
• Well here's something I can find common ground with Ms. Ferraro on. I never saw Barack Osama as a viable presidential candidate ever ... ever...
• So this idea is stupid...
And the "jokes" are unfunny...
...but this got me the thinking. What political party would my cats belong to?
Dessa
This little bitch is a Republican through and through. She hates all other cats, throws a fit whenever one of her housemates pounces on her (but it's OK for her to chase any of them when she feels like it), and hops up my lap and gnaws at my hand should I try to pet her. But whenever there's a someone at the door she runs off and hides like any chickenhawk would (then again, out of my three she is the one most likely to kill a bird).
JJ
JJ is an interesting case. He's not very bright and oblivious to his surroundings. If he ever applied himself, he'd be a total bad-ass. However, he's content with just being dumb. I'd say he'd be one of those mindless masses that don't vote but would probably go Democrat if he decided to visit a ballot box.
Max
I'm not sure about this one. When we first got him he was very submissive and would run away from Dessa if she would give him a mean look from across the room. But then he soon discovered that she was all bark and no bite, so now he makes his life's work to stalk and jump on her just so she'd scream and make a fuss. Since he likes torturing our feline Republican, this should make him a Democrat. He's extremely lazy, too, until it's feeding time in which he'll jump around like a welfare collector waiting for the local post office to open on the first of every month. Then again, he sheds like a mo' fo', which means he's a polluter. However, he's BLACK~! Maybe he's a libertarian.
8 p.m.
• So I just spent two hours doing something that could be saved for the workplace. However, I can sleep better tonight knowing it’s over and done with. (No, it’s not masturbation.) Most of the work involved getting into that “zone” where you just go at it until it’s finished. Whenever I get into one of these situations I usually put on a song and just keep looping it until I’m finished. About halfway through my work I found a song that I worked rather well with and hit the “repeat” button on the CD player. What was tonight’s song?
Bruce Springsteen’s “Night.” If you haven’t heard it,
(The video option is being bad for me right now.)
Dude’s a commie for sure, but you can’t say he doesn’t give his audience their money’s worth. Unless it’s that “Philadelphia” piece of shit or that “57 channels” song. I remember when that video came out on MTV my one friend turned to me and said, "That was Bruce Springsteen, right?"
8 p.m.
• So I heard one of Mrs. kkk’s friends is having marital problems. Well, the problem (at least for the friend) is that she’s not married yet to the father of one of her two kids. Well, this guy isn’t the most responsible person in the world, and the better half’s friend does all of the cooking, cleaning, etc. This and work a full-time job and take care of the kids. Well, it’s the one crumb-snatcher’s birthday in a few days and Mrs. kkk’s friend went with her dad to get a sandbox from Toys R Us. When she asked her baby’s daddy to watch the kids for an hour or so while the sandbox was getting purchased/transported/etc., this guy say the quote of the week.
“What do I look like – a babysitter?”
12 p.m.
• So I’ve been watching through On Demand this “Parking Wars” show. Basically, it’s a look at the Philadelphia Parking Authority and its employees – from those that walk around the streets putting tickets on windshields to those that place boots on cars to those that perform the actual towing to those that work at the impound lot. All I can say is thank God I don’t live in Philadelphia. However, as I watched the latest episode I got the thinking: Which one of these jobs would be the best/worst. Let’s see:
Meter Maid:
Plusses
Get to go outside and get plenty of fresh city air.
Many of the fines you write are small, so the public OUTRAGE isn’t as bad.
There are times when you can just ticket and run without being spotted.
Minuses
You’re outside in city.
Many times you’re alone.
Angry ticket-receivers approach you.
Boot Putter-On People:
Plusses
You’re in a vehicle.
There’s a teammate with you.
Even though you’ll be spotted some times, I’m sure there are a number of instances where you can boot a vehicle and get the hell out.
Minuses
You have to get out of the vehicle to put on a boot.
This is Philly, so chances are you’ll be paired up with a black person.
City driving.
Tow Truck Driver.
Pluses
You’re in a vehicle.
Minuses
It takes longer to get a vehicle in tow, so it’s probable that you’d be spotted.
Impound Employee
Pluses
You’ve got backup around you.
You’re protected behind a sheet of glass.
Minuses
You’re dealing with people you can’t run away from.
The fines are rather hefty, so the people coming in are going to be more pissed off.
...
Wow. Honestly, I don’t know which one of these jobs I’d take. Probably the person that does the booting.
