• So I was flipping through the classifieds (gotta see what's out there in the free market) and I noticed about a dozen ads announcing their job vacancies (mostly crappy administrative positions) next to a picture of a football followed by the phrase "Go Steelers." Why in the blue hell would I want to work for a place just because they have a "Go Steelers" line in their classified ad? Sure the hours are long and the pay is terrible, but we're "Stiller" fans, come work for us. This is almost as bad as the ad I saw one time which had a picture of Mr. Peanut and the caption “We’re going nuts trying to find the right candidates.”
• Those wacky "God Hates Fags" people. Now I can understand them picketing the funeral of someone like Matthew Shepard -- after all he was gay and was causing quite a stir by laying in that casket all gay-like. But I'm still trying to figure out what the problem is with miners from West Virginia. After reading this flyer I can only conclude that fag = Baptists or people from West Virginia. Maybe these “God Hates Fags” people heard that these miners went deep into black holes for a living.
• Bad news for Medium-Large Media: The N.Y. Times reported profits were down 41 percent in quarterly net earnings from this time last year. The reason for the dip in profits, we are told, was due to having to pay-off a bunch of people time Times laid off in the quest to make more money for their fat-cat executives. Since I have no reason to question the "Paper of Record," I'll take them at their word. But please, try to stay Medium-Large for the time being. I haven't used the term "Big Media" for some time now because, well, Big Media (N.Y. Times/Washington Post/Network News/etc.) aren't that Big nowadays. I hope I don't have to downsize them any more in the near future.
And while Medium-Large Media is shrinking, what exactly is the proper term for Big Oil now? I mean, they made record profits thanks to Cheney, Halliburton and friends, so should they now be called Mega Oil? Ultra Oil? Super-Sized Oil?
• I can't stand reality shows, and I loathe "Survivor." However, I do admit to watching Season 1's finale because I heard Rudy, the old guy, was a grumpy old man, and I have a soft spot in my heart for that type of senior citizen, seeing how I'll probably end up like that if cancer or road rage don't claim me first. Anyway, the winner of that first "Survivor" was a bearded fellow named Richard Hatch, who is best known for walking around the set naked and being a overall bastard in order to win the show's $1 million prize. Apparently, Hatch didn't realize that winning a million dollars doesn't mean you actually win a million dollars. You have to give Uncle Sam his cut, which Hatch didn't. Now he's got to pay the piper. With the possibility of facing jail time, I might be tempted to watch a reality show of Hatch living in the big house -- well, except for the shower scenes because 1) I've already watched enough episodes of "Oz" to know what happens when you drop the soap in a place like that, and 2) If I want to watch sex on TV, I'll just tune into MTV's "The Real World."
• I do have to give the Palestinians credit for one thing. Besides blowing themselves up real good, they also go out and vote in their elections. A 77 percent turnout for a bunch of unemployed, oppressed refugees; that’s got to be every Democrat politician’s wet dream. I haven’t been keeping track of what candidates were supposed to win, but it appears that Hamas representatives did better than expected. It must have been because their “No Jew Left Behind” plan was a hit with the voters.
9 p.m.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 41: Canadian Chris
His name is Chris, and he is from Canada. He’s been the Broncos in my NFL pick ‘em contest since it started four years ago, just missing the playoffs for the first time this year. I think he likes poker, too. And he does some Death Pool thing. Now I know I’m too late in getting in on this year’s action, but for the heck of it I’ll list the 20 celebs/public figures who I want to see kick the bucket sometime this year.
Ted Kennedy
Pat Leahy
Barbara Boxer
Nancy Pelosi
Ed Rendell
Christopher Dodd
Dick Durbin
Carl Levin
Charles Schumer
John Dingell
John Conyers
Barney Frank
Sheila Jackson Lee
William Jefferson
Jim McDermott
John Murtha
Eleanor Holmes Norton
Charles Rangel
Robert Wexler
Oh, yeah…
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From EricMM:
8 p.m.
• Well, I got my anniversary present five months early. And I was right about it being a piece of furniture. It’s a fucking recliner! And you know what? It’s comfortable. Some stuff in the dining/living room got re-arranged to make space, but whatever. It’s not like I’m going to move this shit around; I’ll be sleeping in my chair-bed with a bag of potato chips at my side with football playing on the television.
• While I’m on the side of many right-wing issues, one that I’m “eh” on involves capital punishment. The reason I sometimes get uneasy when someone gets a death sentence is because what if that person didn’t do the crime and is put down? Now if you’re on videotaped shooting an unarmed Quickie Mart clerk, then I want you to die. No appeals, no hearing about how you were abused as a kid, none of that shit. Die. However, if there’s the slightest shred of doubt, I would rather have someone spend the rest of his or her life in a cell 24/7. Of course, the problem with this is that this “life in jail” many times comes with television, Internet and other goodies, like anal sex. This is why I can’t fault victims and their families for wanting to see their assailant put to do death. If this would happen to me, I know I’d want the fucker dead. Hell, if given the chance, I’d probably try to off the bastard before deciding to call the cops. Why am I babbling about this? Here’s why.
This guy is a better person than me. I know the first thing I'd want to do as a free man is kill the bitch who put me in jail to begin with.
7 a.m.
• The Pirates got Adam LaRoche? Since when did this happen?
Man, Adam must have pissed off somebody big in Atlanta.
Fitting how I start this blogging thing on the most miserable day of the year. Great omen.
• So Canada just elected a conservative government. Woo-hoo. Time to oppress some minorities. (Besides those Eskimos that club seals, does Canada have any minorities?) With this new government to be shortly installed, I guess that means in a few years Canada’s public sector will rise exponentially in ways the most wide-eyed liberal could only have dreamed of, yet they will piss and moan the entire time about how not enough money is being spent. I remember when the U.S. Congress turned conservative in ’94 and all the “limited government” that took place then. God only knows what’s going to happen north of the border. Besides, it’s not like I’ve read this new guy is going to “limit” government, only make it "cleaner," whatever the hell that means.
I don’t know (or care) much about Canadian politics. From what I gathered, the eastern part is made up of socialists and America-haters (aka French people), while the populace is a little more traditional out west. This election and power change will probably not make much of a difference; I don’t see Canada ditching that universal health care system, reducing taxes or increasing gun ownership freedoms anytime soon. In fact, the only thing that remotely interested me is a story about a certain filmmaker and his opinion of the Canadian elections – and the headline wasn’t even written by the Washington Times or New York Post (Michael Moore weighs in on Canada's election). Good job. Perhaps Mikey should have done a film about how Canadian conservatives suck, and then the election wins would have been greater. You should really punish Canada, Mikey, and outsource the jobs you provide up there and give them to hard-working Americans instead.
• Mario Lemieux called it quits from his NHL playing career today, citing an irregular heartbeat, among other things. Having lived in Shittsburgh during the Lemieux Era, I can say firsthand that he is one of the biggest sports icons in the area, next to Roberto Clemente and Steelers like Mean Joe Greene and Jack Lambert. While many say Wayne Gretzky was the greatest NHL player of all time, I always thought Lemieux, if given the supporting cast and health, would have been better. But both players have more money than I’ll ever see, not to mention multiple Stanley Cup titles, so arguing about who was better in situations like this is a waste of time.
The one Mario moment that sticks out for me was the year the Pens won their first Cup. At the time they had a fast, exciting team but seemed to miss a piece or two to take that next step. They found those pieces in a mid-season trade which brought over center Ron Francis and defensemen Ulf Samuelsson. Thanks in part to these two acquisitions, the Pens won the Patrick Division (I miss those old division/conference titles) and eventually defeated the Minnesota North Stars, who had a hell of a playoff run themselves by beating the league's top two teams in points for that season in the first two rounds (Chicago/St. Louis) en route to reaching the Cup Finals.
When the Pens won that first Cup, Mario truly brought hockey to Shittsburgh. Well, to its suburbs, anyway. Instead of playing backyard football in the mud, we were now running around on asphalt swinging sticks at each other; a much better idea. Sadly I was one of those little punks, although I wasn’t the kid who had the fancy aluminum stick that cost $80+ and still sucked, nor was I the kid who had the "official" goalie pads and would still allow that bright orange ball to trickle through the five-hole.
Thanks for the memories, Mario, and for the good times you inspired us to have by playing street hockey when we could have been studying to get into better colleges or volunteering our time in soup kitchens or assisted-living communities.
• So the WB and UPN will be merging? I guess it’s better to have one network nobody watches than two.
• I was driving home today from work through the commie part of Shittsburgh (or should I say the “more commie” part where all the college students and yuppies live) and saw a bumper sticker which read “Draft Republicans.” Clever. Too bad it’s a volunteer military, jackass. I've always been more partial to the "Mission (nothing) Accomplished" one myself.
2 p.m.
• So Fast Eddie is now saying that the new arena deal in store for the Penguins is the BEST DEAL EVER IN THE STATE, or some shit like that.
Ha. It may be the BEST DEAL EVER IN THE STATE, but is it better than the deals in Houston or Kansas City? You bitches strung out Mario Lemieux way too damn long, and now it’s time to pay the piper. I wonder if you people would have treated the Rooney family the same way? Doubtful.
• W. made his State of the Union speech last night. Didn’t listen. Don’t care. I’ve always avoided this annual speech. I don’t want to know how government plans to fuck me over in the upcoming year. I prefer to have my head in the sand and have it come as a surprise during the course of that year. That way you can act as if it a big game or something.
• I never had any problems with Brandy; she seemed harmless enough. She’s not too harmless behind the wheel of a Land Rover, though.
For her sake I hope she wasn’t under the influence of anything (it appears that way so far) and this fatal accident can be chalked up as just that – an accident.
• There’s been some uproar over these proposed public transportation cuts that are going on in my region. Of course the weenies sporting the “Save Our Mass Transit,” signs have come out to public meetings pissing and moaning about the whole thing, much to EricMM’s delight I’m sure. Could it be entirely possible that some bus routes should be eliminated due to a lack of ridership? Nah. More union contracts for all. Efficiency be damned. I can’t wait to see the bitching that will take place if the local Public Authority Transit Board actually tries to go through with this idea.
10 a.m.
• So I have finally found a set of car insurance commercials that I hate more than the Geioco Cavemen. Those Progressive ads with the burnette cashier.
Good God. At least a few (and I mean "a few") of the Geico ads had a smirk/chuckle moment to them. These ones are atrocious.
However, I finally laughed at one of the Progressive ads, but probably for the wrong reason. If you can stand it, get through to the end of this ad for the invisible voice-over line.
11 a.m.
• Now we're comparing the dining habits of our two most recent presidents?
You know what? After reading this drivel my opinion of W. just went up a bit more. He can sit next to me at a Golden Corral any time. I want to stab with a rusty fork those people that talk more about the food they're getting at a restaurant than those that just want go out to eat.
Wait, did I just make another presidential death thread? Shit. Well I'll just copy what a columnist of color said a while back about another public figure. That ought to put me in the clear.
7:30 p.m.
• Well I’m about ready to go off to New York. This is the first time in almost a dozen years since I’ve traveled by plane. [sarcasm]I’m sooooooooo excited. [/sarcasm] To make things better, I’ll be going to the state that elected Hitlery not once but twice. The things I do to pay my mortgage.
8:30 p.m.
• This is why government is a joke. Illegal aliens crossing our borders. We do nothing. Illegal aliens flying planes into our buildings. We renew their visas after they do the deed. But should you decide to take a vacation to the Caribbean? OMG WE NEED TO SEE YOUR PASSPORT OR YOU AIN'T GETTIN' BACK IN!!!!!!
Why are we doing this?
Too bad the first time a Muslim or Mexican bitches about this "discrimination," Uncle Sam will fold like a house of cards and made the "Abdul Exemption," or some shit.
2:15 p.m.
• Hooray for Big Airline on this one. I wish kicking families out of planes/buses/restaurants/etc. for their screaming brats was practiced more often.
I love that last line: "We're never flying AirTran again!" Good. It's not the airline's job to control your kid. It's your job. You can't do it -- get the hell out. The only thing I don't approve of is AirTran offering them free tickets.
1 p.m.
• Well yesterday I had to take Max to the vet for his annual shots and for the vet to tell us he’s too fat. It’s amazing how our three kids seem to magically know when either me or the better half pick up their carrier. It must be some sort of sixth sense or something.
8 p.m.
• As if Pfizer isn't having enough troubles right now, some AIDS group is mad that people are actually having sex after taking Viagra.
What next -- suing gun makers because people commit crimes with firearms? Wait a second...
• Woah, there was a dinosaur that had wings like a biplane? Cool. Pooh on the haters, I've been into dinosaurs since I was a kid. Ceratopsian represent.
7 a.m.
• Oh Jesus it's already started. Once the Bears punched their ticket to the Super Bowl, the "OMG FIRST BLACK HEAD COACH IN SUPER BOWL HISTORY~!!!!" talk began. Now with the Colts in as well, I don't think I can handle TWO WEEKS of this.
• And speaking of black coaches, I'm hearing that the Steelers hired a black guy.
Oh this should be fun. I hope the guy does well, but if he struggles in his first few season, the fan reaction should be ... interesting. Personally, I don't care what color a head coach is; give me people who are new to the head coaching world and let them inject new ideas into the NFL. I'm also curious to see what happens to Russ Grimm, a Steelers assistant who was reported by the Shittsburgh Tribune-Review to have gotten the job in Sunday's edition.
• I love this quote from a Patriots player after yesterday's game:
10 p.m.
• So Fred Thompson dropped out of the presidential race -- was he ever in?
• Heath Ledger's dead. Whatever.
No obvious indication? I'm not saying he OD'd or anything, but when you're 28, dead and with prescriptoin sleeping pills nearby, can't there be SOME indication? Then again, most of us (present company included) thought there was something fishy about Sean Taylor's death and it turns out there wasn't. But that was because we were all RACISTS~! I guess thinking that there is a chance this Australian-born actor might have died from something other than natural causes would make us xenophobes.
4 p.m.
• Well, the Mexicans are taking over this country anyway, what's the big deal if one becomes president?
My most fond memories of Richardson were back when he was Clinton's Energy Secretary and looked like a clueless fool during the Los Alamos scandal where nuclear secrets went missing. However, he seems to have been doing a good job as governor of New Mexico, or at least as good a job as one can do with a poor state. Oh, wait. He's a Democrat, so I can't say anything nice. That's right. Booooo. Hissssss. Bad Richardson.
9 a.m.
• Shortly after seeing that "To Catch A Predator" show last night, I caught a bit of Spike's "Pros v. Joes" show. Neat idea. I haven't seen much of the program, but from what I have watched I was entertained. The one I saw last night was some "season finale" or something and featured one event where a person had to rush John Rocker on the mound and wrestle him off ASAP. Now it may have been just me, but Rocker seemed to be enjoying his bout with the black contestant, especially during the times where he was getting the upper hand.
8:45 p.m.
• Well today was my first day at the new job. Man, I wish you could just fast-forward a few months to the point where you get a handle on what you’re doing. I hate this “OK, now what do I do?” crap. I know this job isn’t as hard as I’m making it out to be, but I am one of those people that actually gives a crap about the work I produce and it will be hard to do anything tomorrow because I’ll be taking a three-day trip Wednesday through Friday (which probably means no KK’s Korner) to some work conference that will probably help me out quite a bit. I'm sure in six months I'll be bitching that I don't get paid enough for what I do.
• So while I was gone today, the better half “reorganized” the closets. Instead of having one closet for each of us, we now have one for our room and a closet for kkk Jr. She has “our” closet split in half – one side with a bunch of hippie shelves, the other side a “normal” look. Guess which one of us has all our things on shelves? Yep. I guess that’s what happens when one person gets MLK day off and one person doesn’t. I'm actually impressed that she managed to fit all our shit into one closet, but I know there will be problems with space in the future. Oh well, that's for another time I guess.
Yeah, I'm going to embrace what's right. By calling you a no-good race-baiting piece of shit.
Now it's time for the PeTe RoCkKk ReMiX~!!!
Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day...
--When Black will not think wedlock births are wack...
--When Brown, after realizing the importance of border security, will not frown...
--When the Red Man will finally own up for letting Euros kick his people's ass several hundred years ago, man...
--When Yellow will stop taking shit from the other groups and start to bellow. Seriously, what is up with you guys? You don't bother anyone, you save your money, you send your kids to good schools, yet the trash surrounding you hates this and tries to keep putting you down. Fuck that... err, where was I? Oh, yeah...
--And when White, upon hearing threats of RACISM~!, will stop reacting in fright.
That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen, or at least go...
8 p.m.
• I just watched my first "To Catch A Predator" NBC special. Oh my God. Don't these people realize that if they went after 18-year-old chicks they wouldn't be in this kind of trouble? 15-year-old, 18-year-old. Is there really that much of a better time? And of course half of these are church volunteers or something like that.
6 p.m.
• I said the same thing at the other place, but it bears repeating. The Beast is running for president. Time to get that sniper's rifle. Yeah I know. Brrrr, it's cold and all that other shit.
Can't wait until I hear that bolded line for the 1,000,000,000th fucking time by Medium-Large Media until the Anti-Christ gets elected. Maybe she'll have Bill Lester drive her to the swearing-in ceremoney. You all know Lester, THE FIRST BLACK MAN TO RACE IN THE CUP SERIES SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS DROVE AT MICHIGAN IN 1986!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe if Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy's teams meet in the Super Bowl, they'll be invited, too.
5 p.m.
• Got the Westside Connection's "Bow Down" bumping in my trunk, err, computer room stereo. This is one of those albums that I listen to from time-to-time as a guilty pleasure ever since I bought it 11 years ago, and it still manages to crack me up. My three favorite tracks at the moment with favorite lines in italics:
3) All The Critics In New York
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Yoooooooooooo! N*gga fuck that shit...
2) The Gangsta, The Killa And The Dope Dealer
Gangsta don't dance we boogie/n*ggas run out and get yo' cookies.
1) King Of The Hill
Now what you hip-hop hippies?
12:30 p.m.
• So the better half thought she fooled me regarding this year’s anniversary present. Even though our blessed event isn’t until June, she said that I’ll be getting my gift next week. Uh, OK. She also said that couldn’t figure out what it would be; however, I think I already did. From the information she gave me, assuming it is all correct, it’s coming from a businesses that’s closing. Also, it will require movers. This thing cannot be kept at her mother’s basement because she wouldn’t want it to have that “basement” smell. After some careful reasoning, I concluded that this mystery gift was a couch or similar piece of furniture. The look she gave me when she said, “how did you come to that?” tells me that I’m probably right.
I’m not one of these people that likes stupid, sentimental crap. Give me something practical, and a new couch would be just that. Currently we have two couches in our living room – one is of the three cushion variety and the other is only two. They are both seven years hold, have experienced two moves and a total of four cats (and sixteen sets of claws). These couches are tattered, but that’s to be expected when you own multiple cats. I’ve had people say, “Well get them declawed.” Fuck that. When you have kids and they wind up breaking something, are you going to chop of the tips of their fingers? I think not. It’s bad enough children aren’t transported in little carriers.
12:45 p.m.
• Time for pickks -- wait a second, I lost in the divisional round. Nevermind.
Oh what the heck: Chargers 7, Patriots 42; Giants 24, Packers 21.
10:30 p.m.
• Oh well, at least I appeared smart in one of my selections.
When your better half asks how long you intend to keep this up, don't say, "Four to eight years."
8 p.m.
• I guess the day wasn't a total loss.
Yeah, I know. Freeze/froze/blahblahblah.
Welcome home, guys.
This part made me laugh.
"Reputations?" These guys are going to be idols along the conservative circuit.
From now on, just let the invaders come on in. Hell, it's not like President Hussein and a Democrat Congress are going to try and stifle the tide of illegals from swallowing the Southwest.
6:45 p.m.
• Gee, I hope this doesn’t ruin Huckabee’s chances in California. After all, that state has been up for grabs in presidential elections in recent memory.
• So I guess a person has to wait until the president he/she tried to kill actually dies before being let free. That's nice.
11 p.m.
• So today the better half had a case of the morning sickness and didn’t go into work. As she was calling off, she asked me what excuse she should use. My response: “Uh, you’re pregnant, you threw up and you feel like shit.” She wanted to say our roads were bad from the overnight snowfall. Right.
• I really don’t care so much about this story....
... but reading it brought back memories of this local Chinese buffet my friend and I went to during my college days. The food was fine and we ate our share (going to any buffet with even a somewhat full stomach is blasphemy in my opinion), but we would stay well after the lunch buffet “ended” just bs’ing. We didn’t try to get any extra food, and the place was never really crowded in the afternoon, so we weren’t keeping other customers away. However, the owners HATED us, and their reaction to us leaving was always amusing. A few years later the place burned down. Can’t remember if it was arson or not – I think some insurance fraud was suspected, but I’m not sure. Either that or they got really sick of me stopping by.
Speaking of these places, here’s another story, and it also involves Mrs. kkk. When we lived at Sappy Valley, we would go to this local Chinese buffet. Well one time the better half bit off more than she could chew from her sweet and sour pork and had to throw it back up in the bathroom. Knowing that our eating experience was over, I explained to the owner that we just came in and got one plate of food. I said that Mrs. kkk has this condition where if she doesn’t chew her food she sometimes risks regurgitation and such an incident just happened. I didn’t want to throw her food away and asked if I could just put her meal in a take-out container. After all, they also had this take-out deal where you fill a container with grub for a cheaper price than doing the buffet thing. After much skepticism, I was finally permitted to have a to-go container. By this time the better half returned from the bathroom. I told her what I did and noticed that the owner and his wife where staring at every move I was making. It was about this time when Mrs. kkk said to me, “Think you can go up there and get a few egg rolls for later?”
Sure, if you wanted to set off the machine gun turrets this place had fixed on us.
Oh, and like the article above, it would always take some prodding to get more crab legs at the State College buffet. Then again, they were just trying to make a living, so I never cared about that one seafood selection. Espeically since the local college students would empty the crab leg bin as soon as it was filled.
7 p.m.
I heard it on his radio show this morning. Neal Boortz's radio show is back in Shittsburgh!
Well, it will be on tape delay, but the fact he's back in the market gives me hope for this region yet. He first came here when 104.7 switched to a RIGHT-WING RADIO network a few years back. At that time they needed something to fill the early afternoon slot since Rush was on another station. This is where I began listening to Boortz's show. As the weeks and months went by I began keeping his show on longer and longer until I stopped listening to Rush and Jim Rome altogether. Sadly, 104.7 took Rush away from the other station, moving Boortz to some commie-fag station. He got deep-sixed shortly thereafter. But now he's back, baby. Too bad I listen to his local Atlanta/nationally syndicated broadcasts online now, but that's neither here nor there. One funny note, Neal will be going up against his fellow 750-AM WSB talker Clark Howard, who is on the above-mentioned commie-fag station. Both shows are on tape delay in Shittsburgh, but that's OK -- it always takes this place a while to get with the times.
4:30 p.m.
I love my neighborhood. As I was driving home from work today, I got behind a school bus making its routine stops on my street. From the bus jumped out a girl (no older than 6th grade, probably) dressed in a prissy outfit on her way to her house, which, like many in my neighborhood are nice, especially for this area. Following her was this kid in raggedy jeans and a flannel shirt that headed over to his dad, who also had on raggedy jeans and a flannel shirt. I guess they were going somewhere because the dad was by a pick-up truck. Now I'm not making fun of the kid and his old man for their lot in life. I'm laughing because the dad had a mullet. I needed the chuckle, especially considering earlier in the commute two asshole motorists almost hit me and another driver as we pulled over to the side of the road to let a fire truck and ambulance, both with blaring sirens, pass us by. I laid on the horn for about a block-and-a-half and shouted various obscenities at them. Assholes.
The better half says I have a bad case of road rage, but I beg to differ. Yeah, I can lose my temper when I'm behind the wheel, but it's only at people who nearly inflict massive harm onto me by their negligence. If someone is driving the speed limit in the right-hand lane and I want to go faster, I don't get upset. If I did, I would consider that road rage. You are getting upset at someone for following the rules. Now if you were safely driving and some idiot decided to disregard your well being by pulling out in front of you despite having a yield sign, then I say you should be allowed to scare the shit out of them by laying on the horn and incessantly cursing. Hell, if you have something to throw out your car window, go ahead. If you freak that person out enough, perhaps they will think twice before putting someone else's life in jeopardy. You could be a hero.
11:15 p.m.
• So a few days ago I was talking about the “Death Wish” movies, and I discovered there was a Part V. And like a sap I just had to watch it. Good God. An exploding remote controlled soccer ball? At least in “The Dead Pool” the RC Car of Doom was funny to watch. This … gah. However, it’s not like I was going into this one expecting much. But still. Jesus, Charles, did you really have to make one more? I guess maybe because “Death Wish IV” ended on such a downer – you know, your woman getting killed and all. Well, anyway, I had parts “II” and “III” on today as background noise, and I must say that my two favorite scenes from “II” are as follows:
And then there’s the black guy with the funky sunglasses trying to get away in that park shoot-out by holding up a ghetto blaster to his head while trying to back away. L to the O to the L.
Speaking of funny, here is a post on the IMDB message board about “DWII”:
Woo-hoo!
11:45 p.m.
• Yeah, Roger, because we can't have people walking around with guns.
What gives someone the right to do that? Pesky Constitution.
8:45 p.m.
• I just heard from the better half that the mother-in-law found a preggers test wrapper in her one trash can. The out-of-control niece-in-law is the only other female that live at that residence. Hmmm.
7:15 p.m.
• So Vern Gagne, when submitting his kkk Bowl IV picks to me this week, asked the following.
Ooooooh, fuck. I didn't notice this. If those two do take their teams to the Super Bowl, I think the media circle-jerk would make Manning Bowl I look like the beltway press coverage that a Republican President gets for a good economy. (Smitty, I can hear you typing your rebuttal right now. Stop it now. It’s too easy a target for you. I expect more from you.) The sad thing is I like both Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith. I have been a Dungy fan ever since he was coaching Tampa Bay, although I did agree with the Bucs bringing in Gruden. Long story short: Dungy took the Bucs from the shit pile of NFL teams and made them contenders. However, Tampa’s ownership wanted to win it all, so they brought in an asshole who wasn’t as soft-spoken. It worked. So fuck all the people who shouted RACISM when this coaching change was made. Regarding Smith, I liked him when he was defensive coordinator at St. Louis, and I remember when Marvin Lewis got the head coaching gig in Cincinnati, I had said at the time that I thought Smith should have been hired instead. Well, it all seemed to work out for Lovie in the end. Good for each of them. However, I’m not ready to deal with all the media crap with either one of them making it to the Super Bowl. (Has there ever been a black head coach in the Super Bowl? I don't think so.) Go whitey.
5:05 p.m.
• So I started playing NCAA Football '05. I figured that if I do that export class thingy I might get back into playing Madden as well. So far my Shittsburgh Panthers kicked the shit out of two nobody teams. Then I lost 15-9 to Nebraska. Fuck. So my season is over. Damn you no-playoff system. I'm going to take my anger out on some team next up who I have never heard of before. Wow, beating crap teams and losing to the schools that are actually good. That's the Panthers for you -- wow, this game is realistic.
5 p.m.
• Time to see how I did last week with those playoff games.
Indianapolis at Baltimore (4.5): Wrong. I should have stuck with the fact the Colts had beaten the Ravens over the last few years.
Philadelphia at New Orleans (5.5): Wrong. Saints won, but not by enough. Oh, and what's up with that chick who wore that "Fuck da Eagles" shirt? Just how long was that shown on TV, and would that have been better for OUR CHILDREN to see than a half-second of Janet Jackson's tit?
Seattle at Chicago (8.5): Wrong. Boy, I'm batting 1.000 here.
New England at San Diego (4.5): Right. Thanks Marty for helping me out. I knew you would come through.
This week's Pickkks.
New Orleans @ Chicago (2.5)
The Saints are a great story and all that shit, but can they beat the Bears? Who's to say they can't? However, I'm playing this one safe. Chicago 17, New Orleans 10.
New England @ Indy (2.5)
I had thought for much of this year that this could be the Colts year to make the Super Bowl. However, with their late-season play I ruled them out. Could I have been wrong? Gee, that's never happened before. Sure the Colts are the Pats' bitch in the playoffs, but this time the game is in a dome. Oh what the hell, I'll go for it. Colts 31, Patriots 27.
Remember a while back you asked which ESPN nimrod I was talking about regarding this past entry?
Saw him again this morning and got the name: Michael Hill.
7:30 p.m.
• Some hippie writer died.
I'm sure I never read any of his stuff, but what I took note of was that he wrote something to be released after he went up to that big newsroom in the sky.
Here's the column, for those that care.
After reading this I got the thinking: should I did from a road-rage incident (I had another one of these this morning) or a brawl at the grocery store (haven't had one of these for a while), what would my final words be? God forbid it be something on this blog. Actually, my 5:15 p.m. entry would sum things up just fine. The only thing I would add to it, however, is, "Damn, it's hotter than I expected down here."
5:15 p.m.
• This is why I love Jews. Seinfeld has how much money and he is still too cheap to pay some pesky commission? And the best part is that the plantiff is a Jew, too, and she wanted to get paid on a day where she didn't do any work.
Remember that you're playing against the team that didn't want your services at the helm. For God's sake please beat the Steelers, if only because if the black and gold win I'll have to deal with local stories like, "OMG DAN ROONEY IS GOING TO MEET PRESIDENT HUSSEIN IN THE WHITE HOUSE" once the winning Super Bowl team heads to D.C. Yeah, ol' Dan sure loves Osama -- that's why he was trying to sell the Steelers before President Hussein could jack up the capital gains tax. That old bastard should have to pay out the difference anyway; do as I say not as I do indeed.
8:45 p.m.
• So I don't know what's funnier. Hearing the better half yell "fatass" whenever the Arizona Cardinals did something good in today's game against the Philadelphia Eagles ("fatass" is her pet name for our Philly-based governor; she hates everything from the City of Brotherly Love now), or hearing her shout obscenities whenever there’s yet another ad/reference to President Hussein and his big day.
• I'm glad the Steelers didn't score any points at the end of the first half. That "roughing the punter" call was utter bullshit.
2 p.m.
• So I was driving into work today and there was a radio commercial that caught my ears. Some of you may remember when I opined about a local restaurant chain and its stupid Frownie mascot. Well, this place is bringing back a promotion where if you order certain menu items you get a menu item of equal or lesser value free. No problem with that. However, the ad went something like, “Try a classic King’s dish like the new breakfast scramblers (or whatever the entrée was).” How can a “classic” dish be “new”? And I thought TNT’s “Instant Classics” were bad.
• Yeah, this is going to throw off Emily’s routine. I’m sure he doesn’t have ANY of these episodes on DVD.
