7 p.m.
• So this week I finally said goodbye to an old friend from my college days. And good fucking riddance. For those that experienced the ol’ university system, or for those that are currently going through this ordeal, you undoubtedly had a buddy or two that would freeload off of you and your other pals.
Well I finally said “No, Mooch” to my very own version. Every month or so this bastard would pop up and ask for some money. Sure giving him some cash every now and then didn’t break my budget, but Jesus Christ – get a job!
Who was this friend?
My school loan.
After paying off the better half’s credit card debt we spent the next year or so building up a decent rainy day fund. The next step was to put away enough money to pay off the car and my school loan. At the time there were about six payments left on the car, and by the time the final payment would be made there would also be enough cash saved up to pay off the school loan. Of course, the car was ONE PAYMENT away from being paid off when all hell broke loose (another entry for another time), so a car payment is back on the slate. However, I was hell-bent on getting rid of this goddamn school loan by the end of this year. I guess it makes matters worse considering I loathe my alma mater. I went to a community college for two years post-high school while I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. After two years I took my credits and transferred to a local school that I thought would provide a good education.
Boy was I wrong.
After about a year I realized what a terrible decision I made. Now was time to make a choice: Stick it out for another year-and-a-half or transfer to some other cesspool and spend even more money getting a piece of paper that’s tucked away somewhere in my house, either in a storage closet or the fruit cellar. (Yeah, I keep a bunch of queers in my basement.)
Once I graduated it was time to make those monthly payments. I never paid them any mind; I simply made the monthly payment. After I while when my degree was proving worthless in my search for gainful employment I began to get pissed at having to pay $109.47 each month to a place that I loathed to attend.
Not any more. Thanks to a one-time $5,100 payment.
Now I won’t have to see that monthly bill any more, reminding me of those two-and-a-half years of shit I went through. Boo-hoo. (Those nights leaving the Quickie-Mart at 2 a.m. only to get on a bus five hours later to attend an 8 a.m. class were especially fun.) But now the only reminders I have of that shit hole of an institution are when they send me alumni updates asking me for more money. I’m still waiting for the day when some poor student calls me during an alumni donation drive.
8:30 p.m.
• Here's something really sad to learn about me. When I first heard this song, I thought for quite some time that Compton was in Michigan. (0:25)
Actually, that's not the half of it. I almost failed 8th grade. In order to pass that year I had to take two summer school classes at my school plus a mail-order class. But hey, at least I was able to beat Ghouls 'n Ghosts on the Sega Genesis that year.
• As much as I'm trying to keep this from being All-Palidin All-The-Time, this is getting silly.
• There is justice in this world. Long story short: The much-talked-about welfare brood with the two test-tube kids was trying to add a third beaker into the bunch. Sadly, the turkey basting didn't take and now the matriarch of this bunch called the better half last night for some solace. This is funny to me, considering when Mrs. kkk suffered a miscarriage, this welfare queen said, among other things, "Well you can have one of mine; they're driving me CrAzY~!"
But the "justice" isn't with a family that can't take care of themselves failing at adding another mouth to feed.
The justice is that during this conversation Mrs. kkk learned that the State is no longer paying for their kids' health care? Why is that? Because the toothless Mexican can get health insurance through his job as a janitor. OH NOES! Having to take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!
8 p.m.
• Yeah, who needs preseason. All the good players will just get hurt anyway. (Just heard on NBC's recap show this injury is serious.)
• You know what I hate most about this commercial?
These people go to some yuppie place for dinner and they eat MACARONI AND CHEESE? I bet the bacon is what makes this dish decadent!
If I had to dress up for some tasting, it better be for some form of surf 'n turf.
8:30 a.m.
• Public service announcement. If you posted at the Other Place and wondered why you can't access the site, wonder no more. It died (again). For those keeping score at home, Frigid Soul had nothing to do with this one.
Here's the new address.
9 a.m.
• Fuck blaming the cats for this fire.
You don't light candles and leave in a house with pets. The closest the kkk household has come to this sort of thing was when Dessa, as a kitten, knocked over a glass of water the better half had on the night stand. When she went to get the glass she got shocked by a power outlet. Then there was the time that Dessa, still a kitten, knocked out my plugged-in clock radio the night before my first day of work at a job. That's when I learned to invest in a battery-powered clock. Of course, years later I was late for work one day when the battery died. That's when we started regulating the kids' feedings. Now no matter what if Dessa, JJ and Max aren't fed by 5:30 a.m. one of us will be woken up. If getting into Mrs. kkk's face loudly meowing doesn't do the trick then the better half hitting me and saying, "go feed your cats" will.
7 p.m.
• Can you believe what the head of the print division of Medium-Large Media said about McCain's VP selection of Palin?
Wait a second, the Slimes Editorial Board was talking about Geraldine Ferraro -- a three-term congresswoman at the time of her VP nod. Nevermind.
7 p.m.
• So did you all know that the GOP Vice President candidate has a 17-year-old kid who is knocked up? In another startling development, John Kerry served in Vietnam.
You know what, I don’t care if this chick is a Jesus freak. I’ve heard some of the stuff she’s said regarding God and all that shit, but you know what? I don’t care. I learned years ago that many of the people I vote for are in with the Bible-thumper crowd. But you know what? I don’t care. I’ve accepted that fact. Shit, Rick Santorum was my n*gga but I know if we ever had a conversation about theology for more than 5 minutes Rick would either damn my soul to hell or start a group prayer for my well-being.
Smues, I’m sure you can tell a bunch of stories about Palin regarding stuff I don’t want to hear, but when you’ve had this asshole as your governor for six years…
…even the Community Organizer will start to look appealing. Wait, check that. I can’t let that go. Fuck, I’d rather have Fast Eddie as my political figure than Osama. Now that’s saying something.
8 p.m.
• So what's our exit strategy for pulling out of Chicago?
Oh, yeah. The exit strategy for urban flight is getting a job and then a UHaul.
10 p.m.
• So this is the last week of the better half’s employment and her idiot boss gave her a $30 gift card to Panera Bread. Oh yay. For those that don’t know, Panera is one of those hippie stores that sell overpriced food that doesn’t even come close to filling you up. Because we were going grocery shopping today, we decided to just buy a bunch of shit and get this $30 gift card out of our lives forever.
Now I’ve never been in a Panera store before, but it was no different than the few other times I went into these kind of eateries. Mrs. kkk got a sandwich, cookie and frozen coffee. I got a sandwich, soup and frozen smoothie. Not quite $30 but it was close. However, this is what blew my mind. We got one of those coaster-things that flash when your order is ready. That’s odd, but whatever. As we sat at our booth we heard “kkk, your order is ready.” Well what’s the point of having the coster-thingy if they’re just going to call out our name anyway? I digress. I also went to the stand that called out our order. I noticed that we only had our soup and sandwiches. Figure out what I said and what the Panera employee said:
“Where’s the rest of our order?”
“You have to get the drinks over at that register.” *Points leftward.*
OK, so I went and took the food to our booth and went to pick up the drinks. I then noticed Mrs. kkk’s cookie was nowhere to be found. Figure out what I said and what another Panera employee said:
“Where’s the cookie to this order?”
“You have to get cookies over at that register.” *Points leftward.*
You’re being serious? I had to go to three registers to complete my order. Thank Christ this store was near empty. Damn hippie store. Oh well, at least they didn’t put grass on my food like the Atlanta Bread Company.
• Good thing Osama isn’t Jewish; God knows what Jimmy would be calling him. His stuttering was the best part.
6 p.m.
• Wow, Fast Eddie talking about media bias? That's funny.
Don't worry, after Osama does his thing this week you'll be back on the "what media bias?" bandwagon.
• I'm sure there's a blogger WHOSE NAME WILL NOT BE UTTERED UNTIL THE END OF TIME that probably already scouted this kid inside and out.
"Frighteneing"? Oh well, I'm the last person to goof on another person's speling, but damnit someone got paid not to run a spell-check. I'm doing this blog for free.
Not sure how relevant this is to the above story, but as a kid I was in this bowling league. We didn’t use regular balls but rather this was a duckpin bowling league. What does that mean? The balls were smaller and there is no pinacton. Anyway, there was this kid was excellent but I hated the fuck. His dad was one of the bigwigs of the league, but his kid’s team never won a league championship in the several years I was there. This kid was so good he was always a team’s captain; each team had a really good bowler, a pretty good bowler and a few scrubs (like me). Well, this one year this kid was magically placed on a team with two other boys that had been team captains in previous years. Strangely enough, after a month or two this team amassed something like a 14-1 record. Here’s a coincidence: this kid’s dad put the teams together. What did I do about it? I took my ball and went home. Do I regret it? Shit, I forgot about this experience until reading the above article.
• Huh?
Too fat? Oh this should be a good one.
Then fry him. Of course, then the poor cops zapping this porker will be smelling bacon...
Oh Christ, the I-was-abused excuse. Sadly, below is the part of the article that pisses me off the most.
Oh boo-fucking-hoo.
Wow. That must have been one strong homemade ladder to hold that fattie up. Guess those magazines were phonebooks or something.
8:30 p.m.
• I wonder if the McCain spokespeople pictured doing this six months ago?
God I love my county.
• Wow. And I thought veggies were green enough.
Oh well, I guess it's better than eating food that a Mexican shit on out in the field.
9 p.m.
• So the kkk household just got this letter from the Nielsen people. Looks like we could be a future ratings player. Looks like the ratings will be up even more for OMG FAUX NEWS LOL 2008~! Man, I haven’t said that in a while. Actually, I can’t remember the last time I watched cable news.
• You know, stealing her purse I understand. But her cane?
Sad thing is there was a bit during “Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood.” Where a mugger robs an old lady and takes her walker. Let’s see if YouTube has this clip.
…
I give up. You’ll have to settle with this. Not sure what I like better: “niggasaki” at 0:47, the entrance doorbell at 1:25 or “the Man” at “4:07.”
7:30 p.m.
• So another blogger WHOSE NAME I WILL NEVER REVEAL did this Worst *fill in the position* of all time. Now I don’t want to pee in his cornflakes (that’s something nl-asshole would do, the sick bastard), but I felt some of these stats didn’t tell the whole story. For some positions like 2B and SS I’m sure a team would allow the suckitude of a person’s OPS+ (or whatever that thing is) if the player was good defensively. Then again, I have no idea if Don Kessinger committed more errors than Hal Lanier. What, you expect me to actually look this shit up? Just how long have you been skimming through my words just to see pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt or my cats reading my stuff?
Why am I talking about this? Because I’m in a baseball mood today, baby. You see, this other blogger WHOSE IDENTITY I WILL TAKE WITH ME TO THE GRAVE decided to start a thread where you build a MLB team using your favorite club’s draftees. To my surprise, nobody decided to do the Pirates. Well, since the SBuccos are my hometown club, I’ll see what I can do with the renowned Pirate scouting system.
Ohh, there’s Barry Bonds. And Moises Alou. That’s a sure meaty heart of my lineup. Jason Kendall – I always liked him (seriously); Tim Wakefield, too.
…
uhhhh.
Who the hell is Jonathan Albaladejo?
I give up. Besides, anyone remotely good will be traded away to the Yankees or Red Sox in exchange for more prospects, who, if they are any good, will end up with the Yankees or Red Sox a few years later anyway. And the cycle starts all over again -- like welfare clans.
Why am I talking about this? Because another blogger WHOSE NAME I WILL NOT SAY EVEN IF YOU SHOVE HOT POKERS IN MY CRACK-WHORE SISTER-IN-LAW’S EAR pointed this out to me.
OMG TAXPAYER MONEY SQUANDERED. You know what, at this point I don't care. I say good for Mario. If this were one of the Marvel "Civil War" things that popped up at TSM a while back where you had to pick a side, I'd side with number 66 than any Shittsburgh public official. I've talked about this issue before and my opinion of building a new arena is a better idea than some hippie baseball stadium or field for the Stiilers. Go do a search or two and find the info yourself. I'm tired of linking up past entries.
Oh who the hell am I kidding. You all are lazy pieces of shit.
Now this part of the article is great.
She was SHOCKED. Of course this is the representative of the "Hill District." And by "Hill District" I mean "ghetto." Yeah, I bet she was SHOCKED. In fact, her reaction was probably that of an audience member of the Maury Povich show when the crowd gasps upon hearing that an upcoming guest on a show called "Out of Control Teens" does drugs and has sex. Where the hell am I going with this? No clue.
Say, this part of the article is greater.
"More competitive." Where have I heard that line before? Oh, yeah. Back in the mid-1990s when the Pirates wanted a new stadium. Why, they would move to RALEIGH if they didn't get a new stadium to be "more competitive." The Pens were horrid in the early 2000s -- they never went above 30 wins from 2001-2002 to 2005-2006, but were the Stanley Cup runner-ups last season. And they don't even have their new arena yet. The Pirates have had a new stadium since 2001. Let's see what their records have been since this cash-cow was built.
2001: 62-100
2002: 72-89
2003: 75-87
2004: 72-89
2005: 67-95
2006: 67-95
2007: 68-94
If that is "more competitive" I'd hate to see them phoning in a season.
Here's a not-as-great part of this article. Wow, Fast Eddie decided to stop by the western part of the state. Stay away you piece of shit.
Yeah, money from a slots casino that is becoming a bigger clusterfuck than I thought possible.
Read the rest of the story if you want. Long story short: this whole casino/slots stuff is a joke. But whatever, it's going to SAVE THE SHITTSBURGH REGION. Well, if it keeps most of the ghetto trash away from where I live then I say build that casino ASAP.
And I'm spent.
11:59 p.m.
• Now there was this other blogger who YOU WILL HAVE TO TWIST MY NIPPLES UNTIL THEY ARE PURPLE BEFORE I REVEAL HIS IDENTITY that did a bunch of reviews about hippie horror movies nobody has ever seen in-between his “calling out” of posters at the TSM board. “Marvin, Glenn Beck is gay, lol.” Or worse yet, commenting about “OMG Marney is sure CrAzY~!” Seriously, what is up with those one sentence posts that talk about the zany happenings over at message board part of our happy Internet community? I mean, talking about other posters on a BLOG that nobody reads is just…
is just…
…
Goddamnit.
Anyway, since the conclusion of my Top 103 Posters countdown I have been trying to think of another countdown-ish thing to do. Part of me wanted to do something regarding movie franchises while there were a few television DVD sets that have been screaming for my kkk-ommentary. However, thanks to the awesomeness that is the tune called “Dawn Raid on Fort Knox” I think I have just found the next project to distract me for a time (or at least until I get distracted again). If you can't figure it out by now, don't bother -- it will scare THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS out of you.
OK, I'm stopping now. No way I'm doing 20 more of these retarded puns. You might as well get the MAN WITH THE GOLDEN GUN to put two in my head.
19...
9:15 p.m.
• So this was one fun week. I'll probably bitch about this in greater detail in a future entry, but the better half and I got a new car last night because the people at Kenny Ross Chevrolet are a bunch of stupid fucks who should all die in an explosion. Actually, this all started four years ago when an airbag did not deploy and a chain reaction leading up to this day began its slow path to destiny.
• After reading this story I noticed the lack of any photos.
Time to play Google:
Well I was expecting worse. And God only knows what my neighbors have heard from the better half and I over the years. Actually, we don't make that much noise although one time in Ohio some guy drove by our townhouse during one of our bedroom romps and he shouted out, "We can see you!" Oops. Then again, who knows how much noise you make. While in Ohio we often heard my one ex-neighbor with her trucker boyfriend do the do. Fortunately for us it would last about 30 seconds -- seriously.
9 a.m.
• So here was my week in review:
Tuesday: Mrs. kkk and I were getting ready to put the groceries into the car when she starts talking about her one niece getting a period. She then begins to say how depressing it is that her nieces and nephews are getting older and all that other shit. I then made, in my attempt to get her more fired up over the subject, some remark about the niece is now able to get knocked up. Her reply was that she doesn’t even want to think about these kids starting to experience busted hymens and premature ejaculations. I then say, "what makes you think they aren’t already having sex?" Her reply: “They’re just starting puberty; they probably don’t even have pubic hair.”
**************
THIS JUST IN: As I’m typing this, why the hell were we talking about this subject in the first place?! Now back to regularly scheduled programming.
**************
Then came my chance to utter a line in public I’ve been waiting to do for some time. “If there’s no grass on the field just play in the mud.” Then I looked up from putting a gallon of milk in the trunk to see this lady who just got out of the jeep next to us give me a look of shock and digust. And they say timing is everything. Whatever, the better half never heard this line before and I had a fun time trying to get her to figure it out on the ride home.
7 p.m.
• So on Tuesday I was changing the litter boxes and had this “Jurassic Fight Club” show on the History Channel. So what was the matchup – A T-Rex vs. Triceratops, where my three-horned gangsta would fuck up the world’s uber-predator?
No.
An Allosaurus thinking a nearby Apatosaurus would make an easy dinner, only to realize that this four-legged behemoth would just fall on the carnivore and crush him or drown the meanie if there was some water nearby?
Not even close.
So what was this week’s fight of the week? Finding out who KILLED A T-REX! OK, so there was a bigger dog in the yard, like that abortion called Jurassic Park 3?
Not quite.
It was some carnivore that attacked juvenile T-Rexes. Gay. Oh, and next week the fight club will be a bunch of raptors “gang killing” some herbivore. Bullshit.
Give me an Ankylosaurus cracking the skull of Gorgosaurus. (To this show's credit, something similar will be coming up.)
Give me a Stegasaurs getting its pea-brain pwned by something higher up on the food chain. (To this guy's credit, he seems to be holding his own quite well.)
Give me some horny Hadrosaurs thinking with their little heads and brawling over which one gets to bang the female lizard with the big duck bill.
Yeah, a bunch of raptor things killing some big dumb herbivore. I haven’t seen that before.
7 p.m.
• So a while back I said that the better half was getting laid off by her idiot boss. This is a rather odd situation because normally Mrs. kkk is the one with the job and I’m the one going to interviews. However, despite a dozen or so interviews she has gone on the results have all been the same: zip. Now granted one place wanted her – for half of what she was currently making. There were a few other places that had similar experiences, but there was one in particular that deserves mention. This place had her come in for three different interviews, and each time the Mrs. said that she would never go back to that place if they asked her to come in for another session. Of course, each time she went. The last interview she had with these people she was told that she would hear back from them in a week. One month later they contacted her for another interview, which I think was the “offer” stage. However, much to the better half’s credit, she turned down the invitation.
The biggest shock she has had during these two-plus months is how unprofessional so many people get. Every time a person said they could contact her one way or the other within a week or two, they never do. Now while this is nothing new to me, this is a whole different experience for Mrs. kkk. Fortunately, there’s one place that will be picking her up in the fall. Or at least that what she was told. She’s got until the end of this month before her current job (thankfully) expires and she can head toward the unemployment line. At least now when the “get a job” jokes are made, it will be me doing the delivery instead of being the punchline.
7 p.m.
• So during the summer months Mrs. kkk helps out at her church’s fund-raising events, such as grilling get-togethers and Bingo events. Yesterday was another such “burger bash.” Hey, don’t knock these seemingly insignificant community events. These three-hour activities produce well over 3,000 burgers, not including beverages and other snacks -- all of which are donated. (I know, we always have to get Pepsi when it’s on sale for these events.) Why am I talking about this? Well Steve O'Donnell, the Democrat running against my Republican congressman, Tim Murphy, made an appearance at this event yesterday and did the usual schmoozing all politician-hopefuls do at these events. He even went back where the grilling was taking place, which PISSED OFF just about everyone there, according to Mrs. kkk. Keep up the good work O’Donnell – people don’t want to be reminded about politics when they’re at places like this.
Speaking of Murphy, I don’t know whether to say “atta boy” or worry that he’s just another RINO. From June 11:
Actually, the guy is a bit of a RINO, but this is southwestern Pennsylvania. I’ll take any Republican when I can get ‘em. I remember back in 2006 Murphy’s television ads involved him talking about health care and other stuff the old people around these parts bitch about.
• Now this was odd. Last year I got some uber-deal with a bunch of digital channels for not much more than my basic package. A few weeks ago I went to downgrade my cable package because even though the extra channels are nice they aren’t worth the extra money. I was instead going to go to the basic bundle package – standard digital cable, Internet and phone service. When I spoke with the Comcast rep he said that there were no bundles to downgrade to and that I should wait until August 3 because that’s when my current bundle deal expired. OK then.
Today I called to downgrade and the lady I spoke with said I could just keep my current bundle deal for another year. Well almighty then. What surprised me was that in January I got a letter notifying me of upcoming rate hikes, and the bundle package I had back then (and now) was jacked up almost $50. You know what – I’m not going to ask. At least I get to watch NFL Network for at least another year.
• Speaking of the NFL Network, I watched some of the recent Hall of Fame inductions this weekend. With Art Monk’s speech, in which a drinking game could be made on all the times he make Jesus references, it got me thinking: Would we be so quick to applaud a Muslim inductee? “Praise be Allah for allowing me this great honor.” Yeah, that’ll go over well.
Then again, the Muslim inductee wouldn’t need the aid of the Hall of Fame setting off fireworks – I’m sure he’d supply his own explosives.
By the way, I always liked Art Monk and don’t care one bit about the “thanks to God” remarks. However, whenever I hear athletes talk about their love for Jesus I can’t help but think about the only Onion article I ever found funny, which had the headline “Athlete Blames God For Team’s Loss.”
Speaking of thinking about a different subject, whenever I saw TSM’s Bennigan’s thread, here was the first thing that popped into my mind.
Oh, yeah. Here was my second thought. (If someone can find a video clip of this that I can put in this post, please let me know. I gave up looking after a few searches.)
10:30 a.m.
• So peep the opening paragraph to this article about how car leasing may be a thing of the past.
A PRICEY NEW CAR out of reach for SOME PEOPLE? Hmmm, let’s see, a big-ticket item is too costly for some people but there’s a way for said laymen to acquire the product, which they really can’t afford. Sound familiar? What industry does this sound like whose bubble recently burst?
And since when did a "pricey new car" become a "key part of the American dream"? God I'm so out of touch.
8 p.m.
• Wow. Xavier Nady traded to the Yankees earlier this month, now Jason Bay traded to the Sox. Pirate fans are getting the best of both worlds with the YANKS/SOX rivalry. I’m sure Al knows the stats of every new player the Pirates got today, but I don’t care: they’ll still lose now and in the future.
• McCain-ites, I don’t get this ad.
You’re ripping on a guy who is attracting loads of people to hear him bullshit? I don’t care if Osama is talking to Europeans. I don’t care if Bar-ACK’s crowds were helped drawn in by music concerts. This ad makes me want to vote for Hussein more than the candidate who endorsed this message.
Oh, and by “Heussein,” I mean Saddam. Not the other terrorist.
9 p.m.
• Now the biggest attention-getter to this story is probably a person winning a $5 million jackpot and still working as a doorman, but my "WTF?" moment is when I found out how much he made at this profession. I know it's NYC and all, but still. And he's UNIONIZED?
9:30 p.m.
• Look, I could go on about the Health Nazis or about the Nanny State telling us what is good for us and bad. However, what makes me laugh about this story...
Is this:
Oh, yeah. I'm sure this will attract the upscale places to set up shop in the ghetto. And how about this?
Uhhh, how about NOT FEEDING YOUR KIDS FAST FOOD?!
7 p.m.
• Damn Bush economy. Now people that didn't pay for their houses are losing them. How bad can this get?
What's this?
You know, say what you want about Jimmy Carter (Lord knows I have), but at least Habitat for Humanity makes its housing recipients work on a few homes before getting one built for them.
8:30 p.m.
• Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday crack-in-Shittsburgh. Happy birthday to you.
12:30 p.m.
• So I finally got around to watching Aliens – the one with the extra 17 minutes of footage. After looking down the list of new stuff from IMDB, I’m happy to note I caught just about everything that was added. I’m not big on the whole Alien/Predator saga that has been dealt with in comics/etc., but I LOVE this movie. The first one didn’t do much for me, but I understand why it was big for its time. I guess what pisses me off most about that film is that my favorite character in Alien was the black guy who got killed while the chick he was with just stood there and screamed until it was her turn. Bitch.
Anyway, while watching this film I realized that Bill Paxton, who played the ill-fated Hudson, was the same guy who had a similar role in Predator 2 as detective (or was it just “officer) Jerry Lambert, also my favorite character of that sequel. Weird.
Hey, if I was surrounded by aliens (even those of the Mexican variety), and had to go out, I can only hope it would be something like this.
Although shouting out "Fuck you" to a bunch of things that can't understand English would be some nice last words, my favorite send-off line of this film is Vasquez's, "You always were an asshole Gorman."
1 p.m.
• So I got back from my near week-long trip. 66 hours of work in four days. What fun. And my workload has doubled (at least). But you know what? When your boss isn’t a dim-witted, lying piece of shit, you actually like to work as hard as you can for that person. What a shocking concept! Anyway, here are the highlights.
1) On Thursday I had all but checked out from my room. I’m actually a good tenant. I always have my “do not disturb” door sign on because I just want to be left alone. I do not use 1000 towels after taking a shower and I don’t care if my bed is made every night. When I leave I also leave everything in pretty good shape. Because check-out time on Thursday was at noon I took all my stuff down to the conference room and was just going to turn in my room keys during a mid-morning break (or whenever I had an excuse to leave the room). However, something came up when packing conference supplies that I realized one of the plastic shopping bags I recently put in my room’s garbage can would come in handy. I went up to my otherwise cleaned-out room to grab a few bags.
When I went up I noticed that the cleaning lady’s cart was by my room and the door was open. I stepped in the room and knocked on the door, alerting the cleaning lady to my presence. Suddenly I heard a shout from the bathroom, which was half-open. She was in there going number one! The hell?!
2) I generally try to be on my best behavior when at these events. However, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut during this off-session chat between me and two people, one of whom I couldn’t take any longer. Here’s the conversation. You can figure out who is who.
“I don’t understand how we (America) can’t just stop people from using plastic grocery bags that pollute our environment. Rwanda banned bags. Why can’t we?”
“Do you really want to live in Rwanda?”
“…”
3) Smues wrote about his airline luggage escapades a while back, and now I finally have one of my own to share. On flights I bring on board a portfolio bag that usually fits comfortably under the seat in front of me. However, on my initial flight yesterday I was on a plane that didn’t feature much wiggle room. (None of my flights did, but this one was particularly bad). Being the good citizen I am I decided to take a book out of my bag and put the bag in the overhead compartment. Then, a few minutes later this asshole tries to fit his oversized luggage into the same overhead. He proceeds to beat the ever-loving shit out of my poor bag to make room for his. Uhhh, fuckface, I have a cell phone, digital camera, eye glasses and a few other things stored, up there. So I got up, spit a sizeable loogie into my right hand, molested his bag with that hand while the left hand took my crushed bag out from the overhead compartment and placed it under the seat in front of me. And of course when the plane finally landed guess who was several rows away from his oversized luggage and asked someone to get it for him? Yep. Guess who was then asked to retrieve said bag? Yep. I was asked to get the bag of the asshole who showed ZERO consideration for my luggage. But being the good citizen I am I grabbed the one bottom wheel to his bag and its back side, which I didn’t spit upon. I then went to the row in front of him and just dropped it on the floor. When he gave me a scowl I said, “Don’t like other people mishandling your property? Well maybe you shouldn’t do it to others.” Oh, yeah. All this was in front of my boss. Great move. But you know what? I don’t care. When assholes do assholish things, you can either fuck ‘em or get shit upon. And as we all know through Team America, I prefer to be known as a dick. I just hope I don’t ever encounter Lorena Bobbit.
On this flight I also sat next to some guy who smelled like b.o. and tacos. How bad was it? I was leaning toward an Indian sitting in the aisle seat across from me (red dot Indian, not wigwam Indian) for fresh air. And on my last flight I had some Muslims board. Oh the faces on many of the passengers on this flight were hilarious. I knew there wasn't going to be any trouble because I knew this couple was modern. How did I know? Because you could see the woman's fingers, which isn't quite the worst thing you could do to a Muslim male, but some of the more old-school towel-heads wouldn't stand for such blasphemy -- even if it meant blowing up a plane full of infidels.
9 a.m.
• So the latest Drudge page had the following headline link: PRO SOCCER TEAM HELPS SUBDUE MAN...
Just from reading the headline I know what happened, but I can't resist this joke. *clears throat*
What, did they play a game in front of the guy and put him to sleep.
Thank you, thank you I'm here all week. Try the tortured baby cow.
• Because my uber-deal with Comcast is running out, I am going to be downgrading my services. Hey, I like having a plethora of HBO/Showtime/etc. channels for a good price, but I don't watch these channels nearly enough to justify paying market value for them. Now I went onto Comcast's web site to look for packages and/or deals because I hate being one of those customers who clog up the phone lines asking a customer service rep. "how much is it if I just get this set of channels?" As I entered in my address and zip code to look for SUPER DEALS IN MY AREA I got the following message: The Comcast Triple Play is not available because Comcast Digital Voice is not yet available in your area. If you would like to find out if Comcast Digital Phone is available in your area, please call 1-800-COMCAST.
Que? I've had Comcast Voice for more than TWO YEARS and had the Triple Play package from 2006-2007.
10 p.m.
• As I was flipping channels this morning, I came across some cartoon that was like Pokemon but only with dinosaurs. Now for a split second I was thinking "Is this what passes for Saturday morning cartoons these days? In my time..."
Then I remembered...
And this is one heck of a way to make breakfast.
5:30 p.m.
• So I have a weeklong work trip starting on Sunday and as usual I haven’t even thought of packing. Every time I go somewhere (which isn’t often) I always tell myself “this will be the time when I pack early and don’t run around at the last minute throwing a bunch of shit into luggage.” Who the hell am I fooling?
• I heard about this story on the radio this afternoon.
“I didn’t do nothing.” She’s from Wilkinsburg? Really?
Holy shit is this Google Maps thing scary. Once I get off Rt. 30, this is the next road I take coming into work when the better half and I drive in together. (For some reason Penn Avenue is not showing up on that last link. Click on it and enter "1110 Penn Avenue" before "Wilkinsburg" in the search bar.) Just scroll along NW on Penn Avenue and see the sights of my wonderful commute. Actually, seeing this shithole motivates me like hell to keep up with the bills and stay at my job. Also, when we drive in it's usually around 6:30 in the morning, meaning all the black people are still sleeping off their crack highs. Except for a small group at the "Labor Ready" store. God bless them for wanting to make a living.
7:30 p.m.
• So the better half is on vacation this week and next, and she decided to do the “family” thing this week. And by “family” I mean deal with all the bitching and yelling going on with her mother and nieces/nephews. I shouldn’t be too quick to point out the lunacy of having “family fun time” when in most instances it involves crying, screaming and temper tantrums. The major culprit in all this is the 21-year-old out-of-control knocked-up niece-in-law. And of course, Mrs. kkk’s mother, despite all the bitching she does about this particular black sheep of the family, does everything in her power to cater to the crack-whore. At the amusement park earlier this week the out-of-control niece-in-law was telling the better half about how her boyfriend wants to videotape her blowing some other guy. She was saying this, mind you, with the 11-year-old nephew and 9-year-old niece in the same car. Then before a trip to the zoo the niece-in-law held everyone else up from leaving by several hours because she wasn’t “ready.” When she finally was she slept for half the day. Another time the niece-in-law was trying to cook dinner for everyone and was running at least an hour behind before Mrs. kkk left her mother’s house. Where was I going with all this? Oh, yeah.
During the aforementioned zoo trip, the 11-year-old nephew wanted to buy a gift for his parents. (I’m telling this kid ain’t right). His 9-year-old sister then decided to as well. The nephew saved $20 from the money he made cutting grass this summer. The niece? Well, she makes $3 a day watching some dog. How much has the niece saved up for this purchase? You guessed it: $3.
The niece then said to her brother that they should pull their resources together. The nephew said “no” and added that “she should have saved her money up” like he did. This caused the niece to begin throwing a fit, which prompted my mother-in-law to feel guilty and ask Mrs. kkk if they should give the niece money to buy her parents a gift. The better half said “no” because that would make the nephew’s saving money this summer go to waste. I’m impressed; some of my Jew logic has rubbed off. Why am I saying all this? Because I just found out who the Democrat and Republican will be when it comes to my 11-year-old nephew and 9-year-old niece.
Wait a second. No it doesn’t. Damn you Republicans – why did you have to double the federal budget and rack up trillions more in debt? It’s getting harder and harder to make these types of comparisons.
Hey, look…
KITTIES!
You know, I can’t remember what I have posted and what I haven’t posted. This was one of Max when we first took him in as a stray. The other two didn’t warm up to him all that much. I knew Dessa would hate him right off the bat (and continue to do so), as you can see from above, but JJ surprised me a bit.
For a month or two JJ wouldn't even look in his direction, and he even hissed at him once or twice. (If JJ hisses, you know something is up.) There was really nothing Max could do, even though he tried to get along. It was sad seeing him in a submissive role and still getting hissed at, swatted and chased around the house. However, my thinking was that the three of them would sort it out and that whatever treatment he got in our house was a hundred times better than fending for himself out in the freezing cold. It took him six months for JJ to get used to Max. And by “used to” I mean roll around with him on the floor in a wrestle-like fashion. Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it wrestling. JJ will plop on the floor, Max will jump on top of him and after about 5 seconds JJ will get up and run away. Whatever. In their world I’m sure it means something.
