I never thought I'd say this again, but you guys really ARE the Party of small(er) government. Of course that's not saying much.
I'm torn. On one hand I'm sure President Hussein could be bracing us for his New Deal/Great Society/Euro-Welfare-State, but on the other hand this could be a great strategy to make future deficits look good. "See, it could have been $1 trillion, but now it's just $700 billion." Mad props, yo. And lol on the "tighter fiscal discipline" crack.
9 p.m.
• So the better half decided to get a hobby and started reading those stupid Twilight books. Vegetarian vampires -- WTF? Since when does drinking animal blood instead of human blood constitute going vegan? Wouldn't a vampire have to drink chlorophyll or something?
Oh there's no way in hell I'm ending today's entry like this. ... OK, here we go.
Over in the draft folder there is a dinosaur draft going on. Now as I've stated before, I was all about the dinos back in the day. Why didn't I take part in this draft? Two reasons. 1) I don't post nearly as often as I once did here, which I guess is a good thing. It's not like I'm helping out in soup kitchens with this "free" time; I'm just wasting my life doing other meaningless things. How the hell did real men that built the foundation of this country do it? Manually constructing railroads, storming Normandy -- yikes. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Dino Draft.
My second reason is that I knew my top lizard would be taken before I had a chance to snatch him up, and I was right. I know it's petty, but there's no way I can participate in any kind of Dino function without my dawg the Triceratops. So, much like my pseudo-basketball draft, I will make my own draft. Unlike the b-ball experience, I'm not going to care if my other dinosaurs were already picked. How many rounds is this draft? Dunno. Let's just go with five.
Round 1: Triceratops.
My n*gga. Two long horns plus the mini third; by far my favorite dinosaur. I'd like to say how many replicas of this guy I had but I can't. No, I'm not embarrassed by the number -- I simply can't remember them all.
Round 2: Styracosaurus
I always liked the fancy horns jetting out from his shell. Not enough to pick him over the Triceratops, though.
Round 3: Monoclonius
The opposite of the Styracosaurus, I think this guy would be bad-ass due to the fact he only had one horn as compared to most of his counterparts and would have a chip on his shoulder.
Round 4: Protoceratops
Now we're going with NO horns. Sure he'd be in trouble with large predators, but his stomping ground was in the desert. In just about every illustration I've seen him in he was always going after scrawny two-legged egg-stealers -- should I be saying "she" instead of "he" in this case?
Are we detecting a trend here?
Those were my four favorite creatures from the Ceratopsian family. I really don't have anyone for the final round. I guess I'll go with another herbivore.
Round 5: Ankylosaurus
As if it isn't obvious that I'm a freak, here's some more evidence. I remember the wall-length poster that Ankylosaurus image is a part of. It was a timeline of sorts showing all the prehistoric eras. Damn was that one big-ass poster.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 7: Vern Gagne
When trying to think of a significant moment or two from Mr. Gagne, I can’t come up with anything. Much like sfaJack, Vern has always been one of those posters who have been just “there.” That’s not a bad thing mind you. He hates his commie state. Man, he started that thread when I was in Ohio.
Jesus Christ, was this a long time ago. Duh-Whine? Voinobitch? Ha, he said “Paul Welfare.” Those were the days. Speaking of “the days,” I take back what I said about Vern with my first sentence. How the hell did I forget this blast from the past. But why is Vern ranked so high up? Because he's the Conservative Brigade member who loads the ammo inside the tank.
8:15 p.m.
• I forgot that Foxy Brown was in jail. Wow, she's hardcore.
She's on a few songs as a guest vocalist for some of the albums in my collection, but I never cared for her. How did she get into jail again?
Going to Rikers for that? Oh well, don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
6:15 p.m.
• Got this from the other place. Don't you know that not killing enough Muslims to keep gravediggers employed is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male..
The Bush economy strikes again. Boy, this really is a global economy.
• I don't go to casinos because I have better ways to flush my money down the toilet, but what exactly is a Players Club card? I ask because a homeless man has one.
• Ah the joys of relationships. Several days ago the better half got a cold, which of course was passed onto me just in time for the weekend. So as I spent my leisure time sweating one minute and shivering the next, there was another perk to this condition. Whenever we go to bed, she sounds like Kyle’s cousin from "South Park." If I’m not listening to her gurgle excess phlegm, I am awakened to her hacking a lung out several times a night. Tonight should be a joy.
• Thanks to Hawk 34 for pointing out that the first AFRICIAN-AMERICAN TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS finished an impressive 38th. Perhaps if there was a police car following him throughout the race, he would have finished with a better time. Actually, I think this guy will feel like an outsider for quite a while. Not because he’s black, but rather because he sounds quite articulate. No, this isn’t another “He speaks so well!” backhanded compliment that's given to a black person trying to fit in white society; he’s probably the most well-spoken NASCAR driver I’ve heard since, well, ever. Then again I don’t follow NASCAR, so maybe there are some other yankees who haven’t mastered the Southern drawl yet.
• And Hollywood wonders why people aren’t going to movies. Susan Sarandon is slated to play Cindy Sheehan in some hippie movie. Whoever makes this piece of crap deserves to lose the untold millions it would cost to produce.
• About a week ago I saw some of “The Simple Life,” and had no words to describe the horror I saw. I didn’t think there could be anything to top this. I was wrong. The sad thing this guy probably has a SAT score above 1300. I like the “Blue Collar” stand-up and all, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to a theater and shelling out $8 to watch some guy say “Git-R-Done” for 90 minutes. It would be interesting, though, just to see who does buy tickets to this film.
• When the World Baseball Classic concludes tonight, there will only be two players from Major League Baseball on display – pitcher Akinori Otsuka and outfielder Ichiro Suzuki. Big deal. The Pirates would kill just to get a hold of the South African roster. Oh, yeah. Go Japan; fuck those commies. Unless any want to defect after the game – then welcome aboard.
• And while I’m talking about March Madness, I have to give the Women’s Tournament props. They finally got someone to dunk. Uh, great, I guess. Then again, my vertical leaves something to be desired. On an unrelated story, a few years back I ran an office March Madness pool at work; if memory serves, I got about 70 people to pony up $1 and fill out their brackets. While an enjoyable experience and overall morale booster, the best part came when some feminazi asked me why I wasn’t doing a pool for the women’s tournament. I think my response of “What a great idea, and you’d only have to charge a quarter entry fee instead of $1,” didn’t totally offend her, but my ears were warm for the next 20 minutes or so.
Check that. The best part came when the chick who won the contest told me if it was OK that her husband was the one who filled out her bracket. While I didn't care who filled out these forms, it was fun giving her a guilty conscience for the next few days, especially since she was someone who cared about other people's feelings and well-being. Sucker.
And down the final stretch I come. For those that don't know I'm commenting on people I know from this hippie list. If you want to read parts I-III then go to 3/11, 3/10, and 3/8.
I saw number 51 Doug McIntyre on Dennis Miller's short-lived CNBC show, and I liked him whenever he was on that Varsity panel.
52-53: Never heard of 'em.
Never listened to number 54's Mitch Album's radio show, but I see/hear him from time-to-time. That's enough for me.
55-60: Now I'm cruising – most of the rest of this list will probably be local people that aren't local in my market.
The only exposure I have received from the occupiers of the 61 spot (Bob & Tom) is from their television commercials. That is enough for me.
I don't hate Thom Hartmann, who is at 62, because he's a commie. I hate him because he was one of the people that were part of the "new" WPTT, which as a result bumped Boortz. Bastards. I listened to him once for about 5 minutes, laughed and switched back to Rush.
63-76: It says Tom Sullivan fills in for Rush, but with the exception of Walter Williams, I change the channel when there are fill-in hosts.
Now we're getting somewhere. Number 77 Fred Honsberger is a guy I have listened to on KDKA since 1994. When I was away from Shittsburgh from '99-'03, one of the few things I missed from that place was his radio show. "Honzman" is a perfect example of how local radio can compete with the evil CLEAR CHANNELS of the world. It's simple. Have an entertaining show. Fred's program goes up against Hannity in my market, and if Honsberger is taking calls from stupid union workers who loathe the Wal-Marts of the world, there is nothing more entertaining for my ears. Ever since WPGB started up, Fred's show has become a bit more "newsy," which means a lot more boring interviews. When this happens, I usually turn on Mark Madden's local sports show (Yes, that Mark Madden) or, if I'm feeling lucky, turn on Hannity and pray he's worth listening to for the next 20 minutes or so.
The second Shittsburgher on this list is number 78, Jim Quinn (with part-time sidekick Rose). I remember listening to this guy as a kid when he was a Top 40 DJ on some pop radio station called B-94 with a guy named Banana Don. Then Quinn got canned over some sexual harassment lawsuit by this chick that used to read the news. He then got on the RIGHT-WING RADIO bandwagon in the early '90s, when the market wasn't as saturated. Since then he has carved out a nice little niche for himself in the morning, and when he moved to WPGB after being on another station for a decade, he got a few more stations to broadcast his morning show from in Pennsylvania, Ohio and West Virginia. The show itself isn't that great because most of what he does is read articles that other people wrote, but what else am I going to listen to early in the morning? Besides, he has this sound clip that he treats like Rush's old "caller abortions." It's the sound of someone ululating followed by an explosion; this sound clip was packaged as a key chain last year that was called the "Mobile Martyr," and yes, I bought one. The funny thing is this thing goes off whenever it wants, and there have been a few times I blew up a Palestinian youth when I didn’t mean to, much to the chagrin of some strangers around me.
Oh, and Quinn's old partner, Banana Don? He got canned a few years ago when Howard Stern moved to 93.7 FM.
79: Steve who? Next.
When I lived near Cincinnati, I didn't listen to number 80 Bill Cunningham, who was on WLW, a station I didn’t frequent (WKRC was my RIGHT-WING RADIO station of choice in Cincy), but I've heard him on Hannity's show as a guest, and I'd rather listen to Bill from 3-6 p.m. than Sean.
81-91: Dunno.
Like Cunningham, number 92 Mike McConnell was on WLW I didn't listen to him while living in Cincinnati. However, he also has this syndicated weekend show, and whenever I'm doing errands in the car, I make sure to tune him in. Good stuff.
93-95: Let’s skip Chip and friends.
The last person I know on this list is Bruce Williams (96), and I used to listen to him all the time while living in Sappy Valley. Basically, he's an old guy who gave all kinds of advice. My one former co-worker thought this would be an intellectual show, but in fact it was just the opposite. It was like Dr. Laura for people too cheap to get legitimate legal/financial assistance. There are two calls that I still remember after all these years. One dealt with a guy who wanted to buy a business from someone else (I think it was a pizza shop, but I’m not sure). He said that the seller claimed the business made a certain amount of money "on the books," which wasn't an impressive sum, but "off the books" it made a killing. He then asked Bruce if this was a good investment. Bruce responded with “So you’re going to take somebody’s word that his business, which is a failure on paper, makes money illegally?” Can’t remember what the caller said, but I don’t think he went with this investment opportunity. The other caller was some lady that got a $10,000 deposit in her bank account. She spent it all, and about a week later some bank from Canada told her the deposit was a mistake and that they wanted the money back. Bruce said to the lady, "Do you always spend money that's in your account which you didn't put there?" Her answer? "Yes."
97-100: The End.
Now there were a bunch of names off this list that were mentioned, but I don't feel like talking about any of them. Although I have to note that Lynn Cullen, a local Shittsburgh personality, isn't on this list -- so, WPTT, you took off Boortz, who's ranked NUMBER NINE on this list for someone who isn’t even featured? Go to hell, you joke of a radio station. Hell yeah I'm still bitter about this.
And also, why isn't Paul Harvey on this list?! The guy's more than 80 years old and is still pimping.
So I was listening to some sports-talk radio yesterday when I heard a commercial featuring a sound clip from Toby Keith's new album and the following voice-over: “White Trash With Money is now at Wal-Mart.” Sounds like somebody got their tax refund check. It’s funny to hear all this Wal-Mart hate, because if this corporation was really despised that much, they wouldn’t make so much money. Unlike an EVIL~ corporation like, say Exxon, there are a lot more businesses in the retail industry than the fuel industry. Also, how much of a schmoe do you have to be to despise Wal-Mart and the way they do business but shop there in order to save 4 cents off a bottle of shampoo?
I’m not a Wal-Mart hater, but I’m trying to think back to the last time I did any shopping at one of these stores. After much thought and reflection, I’m pretty sure the last time I bought something from Wal-Mart was this pseudo-vacuum in November of 2005 for the basement. Why the reason for my “defiance” of this company that will soon take over the world? Location might have something to do with it, but an even bigger reason is that I don’t want to be around all the white and ghetto trash that populate these stores. Have you seen the people that shop there? Of course you have; it’s Wal-Mart, after all. I think the highlight for me was one time when this kid, who was a few fries short of a happy meal, was throwing a fit over something stupid (all kids do) and his redneck parents proceeded to scream at him louder than he was yelling at them. I love it when the kids win in these parents vs. children fights; always pull for the up-and-comer hick rather than the established white trash.
How could I forget this encounter? Years back I was in a Wal-Mart electronics department when this angry customer caught my attention. Because I love hearing what other people get pissed off about I lingered in the DVD section to hear his complaint. Was he upset because the store wouldn’t return a defective DVD even though he had a receipt? No. Did an employee tell him to “fuck off” when he asked the customer service representative to open the locked video game case? Don’t think so. Here is what the problem was: This guy recently bought a regular television set – wasn’t flat screen, High-Def, Plasma or anything like that; just a regular TV. Well, apparently he wanted to return the television because he wasn’t satisfied with it; he gave no specific reason. However, instead of getting another television of equal or lesser value, he wanted one that was about $200 more expensive. No, he didn’t want to exchange his old television for the new one and pay the difference, he wanted the more expensive set for FREE. Of course, the poor teen-age clerk didn’t know what to say. Many people hear stories of stupid customers and think they can prepare themselves for the encounter, but when they actually experience this stupidity, many times they are like a deer in headlights. Well, after 2-3 managers were called in, nothing was resolved. The guy was getting more and more pissed and the employees had no idea what to do about the situation. That’s when the customer said something that got him into my Stupid Customer Hall of Fame on the first ballot: “Wal-Mart guarantees customer satisfaction!” I burst out laughing and had to walk away because I couldn’t take any more. I’m not sure how this incident got resolved, but if the guy did get new television, hopefully he was standing in a bucket of water while trying to figure out the best outlet to plug in his new prize.
I guess I shouldn't be too hard on the people that frequent Wal-Mart. After all, going there and seeing the dregs of society can really boost your spirits if you're feeling a bit down on yourself. Seeing how I haven’t had to get my fix in some time, I guess I’m doing pretty well with myself.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 6: Black Lushus
He’s black and he’s got mad hoes. Or at least that’s what his member title once said. Actually, Mr. Lushus is from Nebraska, has legitimate children and works a full-time job, so what little street cred he had is long gone. Hell, he’s completely sold out by becoming a message board administrator over at the other place; instead of being oppressed, he’s become The Man holding others down. Then again, I guess you could claim pimpage or something if you really wanted. With all that said, there are two things that would (and should) put Black in anyone’s Top XX list. 1) Three certain words. 2) He befriended a fellow poster in real life and has allowed his young daughter around said poster. Who is this person -- someone in his 30s with a steady job and family of his own?
Not quite.
9 p.m.
• I was Googling, came across this and laughed.
8 p.m.
• So I heard this morning that the Steelers busted out their ALL-TIME TEAM or whatever it’s being called. It’s the franchise’s 75th anniversary, so naturally they’re doing gay stuff like this all season long. Time to guess who made it to this squad.
Quarterback: Terry Bradshaw.
Running Back: Jerome Bettis.
Fullback: Franco Harris.
Tight End: Trick question – the Steelers, until recently, never used them. I guess Bennie Cunningham since he never got to do anything but block while he played.
Wide Receivers: Lynn Swann, John Stallworth, Hines Ward.
Tackles: No clue.
Guards: Alan Faneca. That’s all I got.
Center: Mike Webster.
Defensive Ends: No clue. Was L.C. Greenwood a tackle or end?
Defensive Tackles: Joe Greene, Casey Hampton.
Outside Linebackers: Jack Ham, Greg Lloyd.
Middle Linebacker: Jack Lambert.
Cornerbacks: Mel Blount, Rod Woodson.
Free Safety: No clue.
Strong Safety: No clue. My guess is Donnie Shell, although I have a feeling Troy Pala-whatever will be named.
Kicker: Gary Anderson.
Punter: No clue. I’ll say Josh Miller.
Yeah, I know I named people from the 1970s, 90s and 00s – sue me. The Steelers were terrible until the ‘70s. Time to see the actual squad.
OFFENSE
Terry Bradshaw - Quarterback (1970-83).
I still find it funny that even after winning two Super Bowls, he was benched in favor of a crackhead.
Jerome Bettis - Running Back (1996-05).
Rocky Bleier - Running Back (1968, 1970-80).
OK, so they went with three “running backs.” They have to give Rocky a break since his ex-wife beat him down in the court hearings.
Franco Harris - Running Back (1972-83).
If memory serves, I thought Franco played in the fullback position. Eh, whatever.
Bennie Cunningham - Tight End (1976-85).
Elbie Nickel - Tight End (1947-57).
No clue.
John Stallworth - Wide Receiver (1974-87).
Lynn Swann - Wide Receiver (1974-82).
Hines Ward - Wide Receiver (1998-Present).
Larry Brown – Offensive Tackle (1971-84).
I forgot about this guy. Shit.
Dermontti Dawson – Center (1988-00).
I love Dawson, but I only did one player per position. The least the Steelers can do is put Mike Webster on the list since he took roids and shortened his life so black and gold fans could feel good and stuff. Wait, he took drugs as a choice. Oh well.
Alan Faneca – Guard (1998-Present).
Tunch Ilkin – Offensive Tackle (1980-92).
Interesting. I liked Tunch’s local radio show when it was on. Didn’t realize he was that good.
Jon Kolb – Offensive Tackle (1969-81).
Heard the name. That’s all I got.
Mike Webster – Center (1974-88).
DEFENSE
Joe Greene – Defensive Tackle (1969-81)
L.C. Greenwood – Defensive End (1969-81)
Ha. He was an end.
Casey Hampton – Nose Tackle (2001-Present)
Ernie Stautner – Defensive Tackle (1950-63)
Dunno.
Dwight White – Defensive End (1971-80)
OK. If they say so.
Jack Ham – Outside Linebacker (1971-82)
Jack Lambert – Middle Linebacker (1974-84)
Greg Lloyd – Outside Linebacker (1988-97)
Joey Porter – Outside Linebacker (1999-2006)
Cool. Joey got on the list.
Andy Russell – Outside Linebacker (1963, 1966-76)
I’d have him on the list if I was going with multiple players at a single position.
Mel Blount – Cornerback (1970-83)
Jack Butler – Defensive Back (1951-59)
Que?
Carnell Lake – Safety (1989-98)
Didn’t realize he was an “all-timer.”
Troy Polamalu – Safety (2003-Present)
Come on, guys. He’s only played a few seasons.
Donnie Shell – Safety (1974-87)
Rod Woodson – Cornerback (1987-96)
SPECIALISTS
Gary Anderson – Kicker (1982-94)
Bobby Walden – Punter (1968-77)
Derp.
Boo. The Steelers took the Jew route and put multiple people in certain positions.
4 p.m.
• So yesterday I talked about Mrs. kkk’s workplace a bit. Basically, she works in a study about crazy people, and the topic is stupid as hell. It’s something like trying to see if women drug addicts have more risky sex than those that don’t. Whatever. The pay is hella good, and the study will last several more years. After that, the better half can ride her boss’s teet for the next study she starts up, then the study after that. Now her boss has a Ph.D. and is still on the young side of things (40s, I think), so this will be a nice gravy train for years to come. Then again, being a Ph.D. and employed through a university, this doesn’t mean Mrs. kkk’s boss is well adjusted. For instance, she’s arranging an open house in the near future that is nothing more than a suck-up-fest for her boss and other people making more than her six-figure salary. So what did Mrs. kkk and her fellow co-worker on this study have to do today? Have a pre-planning pizza party meeting. Jesus Christ.
Oh, and on my side of things, my work monitor that’s more than 10 years old finally died. Time to go to the hippie Mac store and get a new one. Of course, the last time I was at this place I first had to get a price quote for all the shit I was to get (a new work computer and updated software), have someone from work write out a check and then go to the store and purchase the shit. Of course, the problem with this was that the dollar amount was too high and the check wasn’t accepted. I then just put everything on my credit card and got reimbursed for it, which is what I wanted to do all along because that would make the process easier. Thank God I was able to do that again this year. And thank God I was able to find a somewhat decent parking space. Christ is this part of Shittsburgh a left-wing hell hole; talk about being a pilgrim in an unholy land. Oh, yeah. I also suck at parallel parking. I think that’s a big reason many people live in the suburbs – to simply pull into a driveway/garage.
If you don’t read Bored’s blog, which deals mostly with sports stuff, especially when it comes to nostalgia-related matters, then get your hippie ass over there now. While I’m not one for debating who was more deserving of seventh place for the 1991 Cy Young award (I don't even know who won it -- Jack Morris?), he recently said something that struck a chord with me. When debating which multi-millionaire deserved the 2003 AL MVP award, he remarked, “And god damn do baseball cards suck now or what?”
Yes they do. And thanks for the idea.
As a kid, I loved collecting sports cards, particularly those dealing with baseball and football. In the 1980s and early 1990s I actively took part in this hobby. However, after around 1993 I stopped collecting, mostly because it seemed that the industry went from collecting for fun to collecting for money. Packs of cards that used to cost 50 cents for a pack of 15 (and that gum – blech) went up to several dollars for a pack of less than 10 cards. No thanks.
I never collected cards for the money; I collected out of nostalgia. Now that I’m older, I’m grateful that I’ve managed to hold onto these little pieces of memorabilia. A few months ago I opened up my collection and went through some boxes, just to see how the cards are holding up, and I couldn’t get myself away from shuffling through thousands upon thousands of these cards. The last time I did any sort of “inventory” on my cards was in the late 1990s, and one of these days I need to go back and re-organize these bad boys.
Like I said, most of my collecting was done during the 1980s and early 1990s, but I also have a few cards from the 1970s and 1960s that I picked up at various shows and hobby stores over the years. However, for me the 1980s and early 1990s were a great time for collecting baseball cards, and below is a list of my favorite designs of this era. Keep in mind I do just about everything in life half-assed, so I have no real criteria or rhyme or reason for some of the years I prefer. The only rule I set was to make each of my “Top 5” from a different company. The reason for this is there are a few designs I like with similar layouts, so that’s kind of like double-dipping to me (see the 1986 and 1991 Donruss brands below).
Without further ado, here is my Top 5. Keep in mind the rankings are determined by an extremely complicated win-share formula that if I showed you I'd have to kill you.
Number 5:
1988 Score
I didn’t collect a lot of this brand, which came out toward the end of my collecting days, but I always liked the 1988 year, mostly because of bright color schemes on the front. Plus I liked that little triangle at the bottom where the player’s name and position is, and there was that white frame around the player's image; those were some nice touches. I give this a 20 win-share.
Number 4:
1990 Donruss
I was never a fan of Donruss cards, although like I said above, they had a design scheme in 1986 that I liked, which was used again (sorta) in their 1991 set. However, I also dug their 1990 design, which seemed to be a drastic change from how they usually produced their cards. Donruss went with a base red color and an artsy font for names. In addition, the “speckles” used as an enhancer effectively broke up the solid background. I give this a 35 win-share.
Number 3:
1990 Upper Deck
I have a love-hate relationship with Upper Deck. When these cards came out on the market, it was an omen that my days of being involved with this hobby were numbered. These cards were pricier than what I had been used to collecting, and there weren’t as many cards per pack, but damn there some nice-looking designs. The 1989-1991 sets all pretty much looked the same, so I went with the 1990 brand because it had a simpler design than the other two years, and when you dealt with cards that looked this good, sometimes it’s best to keep it simple. I give this a 75 win-share.
Number 2:
1987 Topps
Topps was the big dog of card companies during this time, but I never really got into their designs; most of the time they just seemed stale. However, 1987 was an exception. That wooden background brought out the colorful box where the player’s name was printed. Also, it was a near-perfect complement to the team logo, which was at the top left corner of the card. I give this a 76 win-share. (Originally I had the Topps brand at number 3 and Upper Deck at number 2, but upon further review I couldn’t let the brand that helped bring about my disinterest in the industry lounge in the second slot.)
Number 1: 1984 Fleer:
By far my favorite baseball card design, and I really can’t explain why. There was no real color coordination for teams, like the 1987 Topps or 1988 Score cards. There wasn’t a fancy background, like the 1990 Donruss brand, and it certainly wasn’t made of the same quality as the 1991 Upper Deck set. However, the white background meshes perfectly with the blue bars, and the white and black text is a great combination, as is the placement of the team’s logo on the lower right corner. This gets a 10,000 win-share for me.
Like I said before, there were a few other cards that I liked which didn’t make the cut. They include, in no particular order:
1986 Donruss
1991 Donruss (note the resemblance in design, or at least there is one for me)
1989 Fleer
1982 Topps
1990 Topps.
In addition, there was a 1988 Classic Card series that for some reason I’ve always liked, and it dealt with Phil Nieko’s final year in the major leagues. There’s one card featuring him on the Indians, another card of him pitching for the Blue Jays and a final card of him finishing off his career where it started, with the Braves.
But baseball cards weren’t the only things I collected. There was also football, a topic I’ll cover in a future entry.
• For the longest time I always had Thanksgiving pegged as the one day of the year where gluttony was king. I think I’m starting to re-think this position after my Memorial Day cookout this year. A few weeks ago my local grocery store had specials on chicken, pork and steaks, so naturally I stocked up ($50+ worth of meat for less than $25 – w00t). Yesterday, with two charcoal grills going, I turned this dead flesh into beefy goodness. Not only did I eat myself sick, but also there are six chicken breasts, eight steaks and six chops in the refrigerator just waiting to be devoured. I’m glad I took today off from work, because I need the extra 24 hours before going back in order to digest everything I consumed. On a semi-related subject, some people are propane grillers while others are charcoal. For me, it has to be the latter. Not only do I not trust myself anywhere near a propane tank (I’m surprised I haven’t set my property on fire yet with the way I handle lighter fluid), but all that dirt and grit you get with charcoal is what makes the food all the more flavorful. When the better half and I bought this house, it came with an “installed” propane grill which hasn’t seen the light of day except for the few times the win has blown its cover off.
In regards to Sunday’s “redneck” cookout I talked about in my previous entry, I guess it went better than expected; especially since the crack-whore sister-in-law was there, along with the test-tube bunch. We arrived, ate and left: total time spent – two hours. Sadly, there’s one “normal” family that comes to this event, and they arrived just minutes before Mrs. kkk and I were leaving. The odd thing is that this family is having marriage trouble – the wife doesn’t even wear her wedding band – yet the other trolls that we meet at this get-together aren’t going to split up anytime soon. While on the subject of cookouts, I don’t understand the point of bringing anything other than dead animals to these functions. I will never touch a vegetable, sans corn on the cob, when the aroma of burgers, steaks or chicken lingers in the air. At the “family” cookout there was taco salad, potato salad and egg salad – none of which I touched. Hell, looking at this runny shit was bad enough. I guess the best way to describe this in-law cookout is to think back to that one joke Jeff Foxworthy made in one of those “Blue Collar Comedy” specials. He said the moment you get in your car from a family reunion you look at your wife and ask how you’re related to those people. You then go on to add, “That little one just ain’t right,” which, oddly enough, was what I was thinking Sunday after seeing one of the rug rats there attempt to play a trombone. Fortunately, I was able to leave before he was able to figure out which hole to blow into in order to create noise.
• The Indianapolis 500 has came and went, and this year Richard Petty, who said some not-so-nice things about women and racing, stirred up a bit of trouble. "I just don't think it's a sport for women," Petty said. "And so far, it's proved out. It's really not. It's good for them to come in. It gives us a lot of publicity: It gives them publicity. “But as far as being a real true racer, making a living out of it, it's kind of tough.” Chalk me up as one of those that wonder if he’s even heard of Danica Patrick. As long as women don’t get any special treatment, I don’t care who’s driving in those cars. I have also heard some grumblings since Patrick raced in last year's Indy 500 that the sport was pimping her over other drivers. Well no shit. Instead of bitching about this, all the male drivers ought to be thanking her for the added publicity. Oh, and when given the chance to respond to Petty’s comments, Patrick did the smart thing and didn’t say much about it. After all, I’m sure the ESPN PC machine will do all the dirty work for her.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 92: Swift Terror
Sure Swift Terror doesn’t post that much, if anymore, at TSM’s forums, but I know him personally so he gets a pimp on this list. Mr. Terror worked under me in 2002, and when he got promoted to the management level I was at we got to know each other better during some projects our groups worked together on. Well, the people working under us worked; I spent most of my day posting at TSM, which eventually pulled in my co-worker, too. In fact, we got along so well that we were groomsmen at each other’s weddings in the years that followed. A fellow right-winger, he likes cars and horror films, not to mention having a mother-in-law that would send shivers down … well, I better stop right now if I ever want his wife to let me back in their house again the next time I’m in the southwestern Ohio region.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
• The Blue Collar Comedy quartet just had their “final” movie on Comedy Central last night, and I was unimpressed. I’m normally a fan of their comedy (sans that television show), but this third special left something to be desired. I didn’t mind most of the material; my problem was that the event took place in Washington, D.C., which is one of the last places I’d want to see these guys perform at. Why don’t you just do a show in Manhattan or Berkley next? The first two specials may not have taken place in “redneck” havens like Georgia or Mississippi, but nevertheless the crowds helped make the viewing experience enjoyable. This crowd looked mostly like inside-the-beltway schmoes, and there was just something missing from this element. I think one reason I like these stand-up specials is that Jeff, Larry, Bill and Ron complement each other well, although I’d consider Bill to be the weak link of the four, since he seems to have a similar brand of material that Jeff has. If this is indeed the last time these four will appear together on a stage, then peace out. You can’t argue about the success this “blue collar” stuff has experienced.
• There have been a few good commercials airing as of late, which is unusual for me because normally I think television commercials either try too hard to be over the top or are just bland. Ever since they brought back their former mascot (or whatever that king guy was supposed to be), Burger King has had a number of good ads. Their most recent ad pimping a Texas Double Whopper is an enjoyable one for me, especially the full version. The song is cute, and I like how the commercial builds momentum until that van gets pushed into a dump truck. The second ad that has immediately won me over is for some hippie soft drink. I don’t know if it’s a Mountain Dew rip-off, or some extra- caffeinated version of this greenish goodness. The commercial is about a farmer who is building a bigger, meaner scarecrow to fend off, and even destroy, a variety of woodland animals trashing his crops, including … well, you’ll have to watch it to figure out the payoff. And while I’m on this subject, I really liked Taco Bell’s “Think Outside The Bun” campaign, but it’s time to put it out to the pasture. My jump the shark moment on this batch of ads came with those “toga” commercials.
• So ESPN is giving constant updates on Michelle Wie’s qualifying performance for the U.S. Open. Here’s my question: Is the PGA supposedly a “male” league? If not, then why even bother having a LPGA? Let’s just have everybody play in golf leagues and see who qualifies. I have nothing against Wie, and if she gets exemptions to play in tournaments just because it will bring in more people to watch the event, then more power to her. And goddamn is Jim Gray the wrong guy to sub host Jim Rome is Burning. He seems like a good-enough sideline reporter, but when it comes to this format, they should have went with an extra “Best of Mike and Mike” or something, which says a lot because even if that show was on at 6 p.m. rather than 6 a.m., it would still put me to sleep. UPDATE: After reading Swift Terror's latest blog entry, I guess the PGA is co-ed. This of course now means that the LPGA needs to rethink their closed-minded policies. AHHHHH, another ESPN update on Wie. This is more annoying than those "Chasing Bonds" updates that were run prior to Barry passing Ruth.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 21: Cartman
I don’t have much to say about Cartman. The guy’s a commie, but as I have said before that’s not really all that big a deal. What is a big deal, though, is that he is the kkk Bowl II champ. Don’t believe me? Look at his sig. Speaking of NFL contests, it looks like he did some “Survivor” deal back in ’03. We've been around that long? Wonder if he's got the same girlfriend that he had back in '04 where he wanted to know what kind of video games the two of them could play together? Hey, she liked sports games; sounds like a keeper to me.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Cancer Marney:
Coming soon...
The Top 20~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
DEVELOPING...
9 p.m.
• The better half had an interesting story to tell today. She had to work late so I made the bitch take the bus home. When she takes the bus home, she hops on Westmoreland Transit, which is the county we live in that’s next to Allegheny County, home of Shittsburgh. Because of this distance, there aren’t as many bus routes for Westmoreland Transit as there are for the Port Authority of Allegheny County (which by the way is a fucking joke and is bankrupt). Mrs. kkk was on the bus today and this bitch was sitting near her on the phone bitching to some bureaucratic peon from Westmoreland Transit. The problem? The bus this chick was originally waiting for broke down and she had to wait two hours for the next one to pick her up. When she asked the bus driver if she had to pay the fare, the bus driver said “yes” in “a rude manner.” Now the better half said she was ready to tell this person to shut up, but I know better. She just sat there and let this cunt do her thing. I’ve taken public transportation during my college years and it’s just a fact of life that these pieces of shit break down every now and then. That’s the price you pay for using public transportation.
That’s also the price paid for depending on the government to provide for you.
6:30 p.m.
• So Pacman Jones is in a bit of trouble…
… and what do I hear on a SportsCenter teaser today -- “How will THIS affect Pacman Jones’ re-entry into the NFL?” How do you fucking think? I’m sure Roger Goodell will be thinking, “Boy, that Pacman is sure being held down by the Man. I think we’ll shave a few months off his sentence.
• If you haven’t heard this story about Pirates pitcher Ian Snell…
Well now you have. Why do I comment on this? Because of this wacky mishap, Snell got scratched from his regular start, which was last night against the Mariners (which the Pirates won). When is he going to pitch again? Against the Angles. If that’s not paying for one’s stupidity I don’t know what is.
• Today I went to the printers to look over a proof and start the process rolling on this month’s workplace publication. When I walked out of the printers building I saw a white dog roaming around (this was in Shittsburgh’s South Side). Now I have no problem with dogs, but when I see one roaming about I leave it alone. Don’t know where it’s been, don’t know what it’s temperament is. Well, the guy I deal with at this print shop must have been told by a co-worker about this dog and went out to see its condition. We both approached it and noticed it had a collar but no tags. Poor thing was panting like a champ, too. The other guy, a dog owner, took it out back to give it some water and shade and I told him if the owner couldn’t be found I’ll try and set it up in a no-kill shelter. I spent the next 20 minutes when I returned to the office to find a shelter for the pooch, and later on that afternoon I was happy to hear the dog’s owner was reunited with his lost companion. Oh happy days.
Nothing against dogs, but in a house with three cats, it wouldn’t have been a good match. A few years ago, the brother-in-law and his wife asked if we could keep their newly bought dog at our place for a few days so they could surprise their kids on Christmas day. We accepted. Boy was that a fun time. Dessa and JJ didn’t take too kindly to their guest; I think we only saw each of them once during this time, twice at the max. The puppy, who was eventually named Duchess, was a husky or some kinds of elk hound. And of course it had a case of diarrhea the whole time it was with us. That’s what family is for, I guess.
To get shit on.
• I love so-called experts on television. Sure the political ones are stupid because every little thing that happens in Washington, D.C., spells DOOM for one group of politicians and VICTORY for the other group of politicians. And what a shock: usually, it’s the party that the taking head is affiliated with that can do no wrong. The only thing worse than these nimrods are the sports “experts.” I remember a week or so ago when the New Jersey Nets beat the Miami Heat in Game 1 of the NBA Eastern Conference Semi-Finals that it was gloom and doom for the Heat. Even when Miami won Game 2 it didn’t matter because New Jersey now had the HOME COURT ADVANTAGE. So what did Miami do after this Game 1 loss? They proceeded to win the next four, beating the Nets in five games.
• Speaking of basketball, this is a weird postseason for me. I’m not really a “fan” of a team in any league, but once the playoffs start I’ll tune in and cheer for one or two teams. If they lose, it’s no big deal, and if they win, yay, I guess. For example, back in the 2002 MLB playoffs I was pulling for the California/Anaheim/Whatever-They-Were-Called-Back-Then Angels. There was no real reason for this; I just liked their team and some of the players. If they had lost to whoever they played (Bored, Alkeiper, help me out there) I would have found some way to go on. However, I must say that when the World Series started I was really pulling for the Angels, but that was because I didn’t want Barry Bonds to win a ring, along with Racist Dusty getting another championship under his belt. Oh, yeah. And I laughed at the end of Game 7 when Racist Dusty’s brat was crying after his dad lost the big game. Anyway, this year I’m in a bit of a pickle because I don’t know who I want to win in the NBA playoffs. I like the Pistons as a team, but I’m also a LeBron James fan. I also have no reason to hate the Shaq/Wade tandem, too. Over in the West I’ve pulled for the Spurs over the last few years, but also I think it’d be nice to see the Mavs or Suns to finally make to the Finals. Who should I pull for this year? I have no idea. Oh, and in the NHL I've been pulling for the Oilers since they went up on Detroit in the first round and the Hurricanes since the second round.
• Here is some more post-election stuff. Although nothing too exciting happened in my district, a few bigwigs in the Republican Party got beat in some of the more conservative sections of the state. Good. If you’re a member of a political party, you should focus more on your party’s primary rather than the general election. I can hear it now, “OMG you’re a Party hack!” Yeah, so what? Look, I may not like Arlen Specter as my U.S. Senator, but who am I going to vote for: a Liberal Republican or a Liberal, period? If I want a Republican out of office, I’ll get it done in the primary election; I’m not going to vote for someone I feel would be even worse in the general election. Now that’s not to say I will always vote Republican for Congress or President, but I doubt I’ll be voting Democrat anytime soon when it comes to the National level.
• You know what? In a normal world this would probably be worthy of my scorn, but fuck it; I salute you, sir. If you bitches want to protest outside of Augusta National come Master’s time because it’s an all-male club then no free baseball gloves or reduced drinks for you. Here’s a note to you feminazis: Not everything should be open to both sexes. You think a guy wants to hear his nagging wife or some other broad when he’s out on the golf course? Even though I’m not a golfer, I can imagine what playing 18 holes would be like when you’re being badgered each time you try to make a putt. “Why didn’t you do the dishes?” “Did you take the dog out for a walk?” “Do you know what your son did today?” “Oh no, I broke a nail with that chip shot!” To Augusta I say don’t budge an inch.
8:30 p.m.
• Holy crap. I'm glad I don't work drive-thru anymore. I'd probably be killed. And Penn Hills is not that far from where I live.
It’s kinda funny because the reason young chicks work cashier jobs is to put a pretty face out there so men won’t be as likely to bitch about their order. And forget about saying “thank you,” just get my order right and I’m good.
10 a.m.
• So last night there was supposed to be some big “walk out” at the Pirates game to protest the fact that this team is bad. And what happened?
You want to send a real message to management? DON’T GO TO THE FUCKING GAMES! Hell, I bet a number of these protestors probably bought snacks from the refreshment stands. I feel for you people because putting your heart into a team with 14 consecutive years of losing must feel pretty bad, but the funny thing is despite all this suck the Pirates still make a profit. In a way, you got to respect that.
Pirates management. It’s a lot like Hitler.
Remember, the Steelers pretty much did jack shit for 40 years before winning four Super Bowls during the 1970s. Only 26 more years to go, Bucco fans.
9:45 a.m.
• A final update on Mohammad Mouse. Now this is how a series finale should be done.
Here's the video.
• You know, I actually think this isn’t such a bad idea.
When I worked at the Quickie Mart, it was about that time when we had to really start carding people or else the Anti-Tobacco Gestapo would be hitting us well-to-do cashiers with fines and shit. We were told that we had to card anyone that looked younger than 27. But you have to be only 18 to purchase tobacco? Didn’t matter. Our magic number was 27. And you can imagine how great this went over with our customers. My usual answer to the responses below were something like, “Because I was told to card anyone that didn’t look 27 because Joe Camel is making our kids smoke.”
“OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS?”
“DO I LOOK 18?”
“THIS IS SO STUPID!”
“WHY DO I HAVE TO SHOW YOU MY ID?!”
Now seriously, I ask you: What is so difficult about pulling out your driver’s license? I’ve done it before with no problem. Hell, whenever I go to purchase alcohol, I have my ID out by the time I get to the register, and I’m older than the big 2-7. If it’s the LAW that EVERYONE has to whip out ID in order to purchase booze, and it makes the lives of the many cashiers in the great state of Tennessee easier, then I say why not.
9:30 a.m.
• Remember that shit a while back about OMG Captian America is dead? Peep the final paragraph.
Many choices I make in life I try to base on “principle.” One of them is where I get my news. Yeah, yeah, yeah, OMG FAUX NEWS LOL2006! Drudge’s sirens, red headlines and DEVELOPING exclusives! RIGHT-WING RADIO! In this instance I'm not talking about these particular media outlets; I am instead referring to the local newspapers in my area. In the Shittsburgh region, there are two “major” daily publications: the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review. The Post-Gazette is by far the more widely read of the two. It also happens to be a liberal rag.
There are a lot of reasons why I can’t stand the Post-Gazette. One example is back in the late 1990s when the region faced a referendum on whether to increase the county’s sales tax by a fraction of a percent in order to help fund new stadiums for the Steelers and Pirates. Of course the Post-Gazette was all for this. During the months leading up to the vote, there was story after story about how great this tax was going to be for the region. However, there was one thing the Post-Gazette never seemed to mention: the fact that the newspaper owned a minority share of the Pirates. It’s interesting that this little tidbit was rarely, if ever, mentioned when it should have been noted in nearly every article about this tax increase so the reader could know about a potential conflict of interest. Of course when the referendum crashed and burned, despite the Post-Gazette and other tax supporters warning that the Pirates were going to move to another state, the stadiums were built anyway with a different source of funding. While the excuse made by the Post-Gazette was that their share in the Pirates was small, would they be just as understanding to a politician who was in a similar situation? (The answer, by the way, is "no.")
Another memory I have of the Post-Gazette took place more than a decade ago. This time the paper wrote a favorable editorial about the doubling of a toll for a local expressway, stating that commuters using this road should pay for the convenience. A few weeks later these same people wrote a negative editorial about a local bank raising its ATM service fee. Now besides the fact that the first fee increase was done by the government and the second increase was done by a private institution, what’s the difference between the two increases? Both are “service-oriented” tolls that can be avoided by a consumer, and both were of a similar amount (something like 50 cents). One just happened to make an evil corporation richer while the other paid for more construction workers to stand around a gravel pit and play with big machines.
A more recent oldie-but-goldie came when the Post-Gazette weighed in on the Kelo v. New London case that went all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. Basically, this was an eminent domain situation where the State wanted to take the homes of residents and give the land to a private developer. In their praising of this decision, it’s interesting to note how the Post-Gazette labeled three of the Justices who dissented as “conservative” yet don’t use any adjectives to describe the five communists that said it’s OK for the State to take a person’s land and give it to someone else who will, in theory, generate more tax revenue, thus contributing to the “greater good” of an area.
When I decided to subscribe to a local newspaper I did not want to become a regular customer of the left-wing Post-Gazette. I turned to the Tribune-Review, a much more conservative publication funded by the “George Soros of the right-wing” Richard Mellon Scaife. I didn’t care much about the actual news content I was buying since I read on the Internet most of the wire articles both newspapers use. All I wanted was a Sunday newspaper so I could clip coupons and look through weekly circulars.
I ordered a year’s subscription to the Trib, and the service I received during those 12 months was less-than-stellar. My subscription was for Sunday newspapers only, and for the year I was a subscriber I didn’t receive my publication in at least eight instances. When it came time to renew my subscription, I decided to wait and see if the Trib would contact me and offer me some sort of deal because I certainly wasn’t going to pay full price for this pisspoor service. (My original offer was a discounted “new customer” promotion.)
After my subscription expired, I received some extra issues in the weeks that followed, which was expected. Whenever I got stiffed on my Sunday newspaper, I let the Trib home office know about it and they’d give me a credit. Well, this past week, I got a letter from the Trib. Was it an special offer to renew my subscription? No.
It was a bill for two month’s worth of newspapers delivered to my house.
Curious about this bill, I called the Trib and was told by a customer service representative that my subscription ran out and this fee was for the newspapers I received that weren’t part of my subscription. She added that unless I called the Tib and specifically told them not to renew my subscription, that they would assume I wanted my subscription renewed. Now I have subscribed to at least a half-dozen news publications in my lifetime, and whenever I decided not to re-subscribe I didn't have to call and tell them of my decision. When my subscriptions ran out at these other places, I simply stopped getting their publications.
When I told this lady how could the Trib have known what I wanted to do in regards to my account, she said that sending issues to people that haven’t re-subscribed was company policy. I then told her that these Sunday newspapers stopped arriving at my house more than a month ago, thus showing me the Trib must have realized that I no longer wanted their service; otherwise, I would be still getting newspapers. I encountered an extended pause, followed by “I’m sorry,” to which I replied, “No, I’m sorry because the Tribune-Review will never have me as a regular subscriber again.”
Now what am I to do? Go to the liberal rag in town for my weekly coupons or stick with the right-wing tabloid that screwed me out of a few bucks? Well, unless I get a subscription deal from either publication, I will just drive down to a local business that sells newspapers (there are several located less than a mile from my house), and get whatever one is available.
This week, the Post-Gazette’s early Sunday edition is my coupon-clipper of choice. I’m still deciding on whether or not to read the editorial page, though.
Yeah, I'm going to embrace what's right. By calling you a no-good race-baiting piece of shit.
Now it's time for the PeTe RoCkKk ReMiX~!!!
Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day...
--When Black will not think wedlock births are wack...
--When Brown, after realizing the importance of border security, will not frown...
--When the Red Man will finally own up for letting Euros kick his people's ass several hundred years ago, man...
--When Yellow will stop taking shit from the other groups and start to bellow. Seriously, what is up with you guys? You don't bother anyone, you save your money, you send your kids to good schools, yet the trash surrounding you hates this and tries to keep putting you down. Fuck that... err, where was I? Oh, yeah...
--And when White, upon hearing threats of RACISM~!, will stop reacting in fright.
That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen, or at least go...
• Yeah, you heard me, Smitty. I’m tired of your fucking power trip. Make fun of me because I have a liking for soccer. Goof on the fact that I contribute nothing in terms of intellectual discourse to this place. However, all your “queer” jokes got thrown out the window after I read this little gem.
Napoleon Dynamite? I bought this movie for $5 last year because I heard good things about this film. And then I actually watched this piece of shit. What was the fucking point of this movie? The whole time I’m waiting for some payoff that will make the 90 minutes I spent viewing this unfunny crap worthwhile, and what do I get? Some white boy who makes me look like finalist to the show “Breakdancing with the Stars.” One reason I do not trade in movies, CDs or video games that I purchase is because I always say to myself there will that time in the future when I’ll feel like watching/listening/playing this forgettable purchase. Napoleon Dynamite is really making me take a long, hard look at this policy. And this is coming from someone who has purchased (and still has!) Shaq Fu: The Return.
• OK, I feel for people who fall onto hard times, but there’s a difference between “hard times” and “being an idiot.” I was reading Sunday’s local newspaper, and there was this article about how more people are getting their homes foreclosed (damn you George W. Bush and your tax cuts for the rich). The reasons? Well, there are layoffs. I’ll buy that one. Cost of utilities? OK, now you’re starting to lose me. If you can’t afford a rise in your electric bill or afford gas that’s a dollar or two more per gallon than it was a few years ago, then you certainly can’t afford, and shouldn't have purchased, a $100,000+ house. However, what made me outright yell at this article was the following:
Well no fucking shit. Anyone that gets an adjustable rate mortgage has no reason to bitch when interest rates go up and you have to pay more for your mortgage payments. That’s the whole point of an adjustable-rate mortgage; to fuck you over when interest rates increase. If I ever was put in the situation of having an adjustable rate, I’d sure as fuck be aware of when my rate would increase. It’s bad enough property and school taxes constantly get increased; you don’t need the biggest purchase of your life to drastically fluctuate in cost due to a tweak of a percentage point or two.
It got even better. Just below this article was one by columnist Jeff Brown of the Philadelphia Inquirer talking about the risks of adjustable rate mortgages. In his second paragraph, he says that more people than ever are applying for adjustable-rate mortgages. I guess this means that in another year or two, we’ll hear about how the wretched economy is kicking people out of their homes when in fact these people did it to themselves. I also bet these people bought SUVs, only to bitch when the cost of gasoline rises.
• Because I wake up at the BUTT crack of dawn for work, I normally don’t get to watch sporting events that take place past 10 p.m. However, several times this NBA season I got to watch the Finals on replay early in the morning. But this I don’t get: ESPN cuts the running time of the previous night’s Finals game because of time constraints. Understandable. But what don’t they cut? The 20 minutes spent taking time-outs at the end of a close game. Can’t we skip the sideline huddles and watch more on-the-court action; even it wasn’t taking place during the last minute of a game?
8:30 p.m.
• Oh for Christ’s sake. I heard about this a year or so ago during a local RIGHT-WING RADIO show, and now they’re actually going through with this.
6:30 p.m.
• Swift Terror talked about George Lucas calling “Spiderman 3” silly. I consider myself a Star Wars mark. I don’t care about all the books that took place after “Return of the Jedi.” I don’t care that Luke Skywalker ran a Jedi school while Leia popped out a few Solo babies. (I also have both volumes of that “Clone Wars” animated cartoon, and I like it.) Give me Episodes VI, V and VI. OK, you know what? I’ll even take Episodes I, II and III. Sure the prequels aren’t nearly as good as the pre-sequels, or whatever you call them, but it’s like voting for your political party even if you don’t care too much for the candidate or rooting for your hometown team no matter who is on the roster. It’s a blind loyalty for better or for worse, but before Lucas calls any of the Spiderman movies “silly,” he needs to look at himself in the mirror and ask...
E’ zOmE pEePlE gOiN’ DiE~!?
Actually, the two lines that make me cringe are “Jar-Jar, you in some big doo-doo this time,” and “I don’t care what plant you’re from, that’s gotta hurt.” (I probably don’t have them as exact quotes, but they’re close enough.)
And regarding the Spiderman movies. I’m not a comic book guy, but from my limited experiences with this industry, my four favorite characters are the Punisher, Batman, Sgt. Rock and Spiderman. And the Spidey movies have been solid. My only complaint has been that in the second film it seemed every other minute had some chick screaming at the top of their lungs, which got annoying quick. Hey, it’s a guy with metal arms. AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! Look, some train is going to crash into a dead end. AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! Uh oh, there’s a big ball of energy coming from that abandoned building down by the river. AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! But this inconvenience was more than made up for with J. Jonah Jameson (being a journalism student I really appreciate this character), Bruce Campbell (again) and that brief homage to Director Sam Rami’s “Evildead” days in the operating room.
11 a.m.
• Pirates 0, Cubs 1
:lol: :lol:
What, you're expecting some sort of commentary like other people here do? I'm surprised they are only four games below .500; it's a shame that my one friend from Ohio may be visiting this summer, thus forcing me to possibly head over to PNC Park. The things I do for some people.
7:30 p.m.
• So George Carlin died. The room is spinning blahblahblah. Eh, I was never a huge fan of his but for someone who did what he did for so long and was so successful at it you got to give him props. One bit I always liked was his baseball/football comparisons. I also liked his word-play.
In baseball, you make an error .... whoops!
• All you really need to do is get in a vehicle and blast the hell out of opposing Jedi. And not once have I ever said to Vader "OWNED~!"
It's weird because I go through phases over which Battlefront I play for the PS2: The first or second. The second is faster but there's a charm about the original that I can't get away from. Oh, and goddamn does the Republic army suck.
• I guess after looking at God's mugshot we can conclude without a doubt that his son, Jesus, must be black.
• Here's the latest on my out-of-control niece-in-law. Mrs. kkk told me that her boyfriend/likely baby's daddy allegedly videotaped himself having sex with an under-age girl. He also videotaped himself having sex with the niece-in-law while she was passed out drunk. God help me if I should ever view this clip while surfing the Net because I know it's out there. I will say that should this fornication ever appear on my computer screen I’ll swear off viewing on-line porn ever again be sure to post a link here.
10 p.m.
• So one week ago I found out that the pill isn’t 100 percent effective. Just what happened on that fateful day? Well, Mrs. kkk was at her parents’ house and then I got the phone call. You can figure out who is who.
“I have something to tell you.”
“OK. What is it?”
“I don’t want to tell you over the phone.”
“Then why did you say anything?”
“I don’t know. I just need to tell you something.”
“What happened?”
I wonder if she found porn on our computer?
“I don’t want to tell you over the phone.”
Wait, her dad just went to the hospital with some gall stone issue. Maybe it isn’t about porn on our computer.
“Is it health related?”
“Yes.”
OK, so her dad has cancer, but at least she didn’t find porn on our computer.
“Well what is it? You expect me to just sit here and wait for you to come home and find out?”
“I’m pregnant. I took five pregnancy tests and they all were positive.”
Maybe I would have wanted her to find porn on our computer.
All in all, the better half was shocked I took the news as well as I did. Look, I make no bones about my feelings toward children. However, we’re married, own our home, have decent jobs and have a rather comfortable standard of living (at least by my standards). I guess this is the next step or something. The biggest concern I have is for the health of the fetus (or “the bean” as Mrs. kkk calls he/she/it). My dreams of all this being one big mishap were dashed when we went to the doctors on Tuesday and everyone was just going about this like she was actually expecting. No, “well, your positive tests could have been the result of too much fiber” or something like that. No such luck.
We’re not sure when the actual conception took place, but right now the docs are guessing Mrs. kkk is four-six weeks knocked up. Here’s how fun my next eight months are going to be: When we went grocery shopping this week, she wanted some Chinese noodle dish. After we got home she said she wanted me to make it because she was feeling tired. Christ, she’s going to pull this shit now? OK, so while doing the dishes already in the sink I made her dinner. After slaving over the stove I brought her food out. I went back in the kitchen to make my dinner. Suddenly I see her running with her hand over her mouth into the bathroom. Seconds later I heard it. “BLLLLLLLLLLLLECH.”
Now come on – I’m not that bad a cook.
10 a.m.
• Since I’m doing GREAT this week, let’s seal the deal:
Arizona @ New Orleans (4.5)
I was going to go with the Cards, but I heard that several Cardinal receivers will be game-time decisions.
Atlanta @ Tampa Bay (3.5)
This one might be interesting to see in regards to how the Falcon players react to their coach leaving. How much more can these guys go through.
(3.5) Baltimore @ Miami
The Ravens shot their wad against the Patriots and got rolled over the next week against the Colts. Now will they come back with a vengeance against the Dolphins or will Miami finally get that first win? Christ, I don’t know. If I go with Baltimore then Miami will win for sure. If I go with Miami, then this will be another one of those weeks where I say, “they have to win SOMETIME” and the ‘Fins don’t. Well, because it’s always fun to see the Ravens lose, I’ll go with them, surely giving Miami its first win of the season.
Buffalo @ Cleveland (5.5)
You know, I was going to go with Cleveland. Then I looked outside and saw how shitty the weather is and figured it can’t be much better in Cleveland. Here’s hoping for a close game.
(9.5) Green Bay @ St. Louis
Uh-oh. Favre’s playing and it’s a DOME. Wait, he’s already won in a dome this year? OK.
Jacksonville @ Pittsburgh (3.5)
The Jags always play the Steelers tough, so I’m sticking with them. Steelers will score 17.
N.Y. Jets @ New England (23.5)
Once again, I’m hoping Mother Nature does a better job of keeping the Pats at bay than the Jets.
(7.5) Seattle @ Carolina
It’s Carolina at home.
(4.5) Tennessee @ Kansas City
I have nothing to say about this game. Uh, go Tennessee-D?
(10.5) Indianapolis @ Oakland
I have nothing to say about this game. Uh, go Indianapolis-O?
Detroit @ San Diego (10.5)
Here’s hoping the Lions pulled a “Ravens” where they put everything out on the field the week before and now are ready to get rolled over. Come on, Lions. Quit.
Philadelphia @ Dallas (10.5)
Most people have been talking about the Patriots wanting blood against the Jets. How about T.O. and the Eagles?
Washington @ N.Y. Giants (5.5)
I’m used to this by now. The Redskins will outplay the va-Giants for three quarters and Emily will throw three touchdown passes in the fourth quarter.
Chicago @ Minnesota (9.5)
Now that Minnesota is the TEAM NOBODY WANTS TO FACE IN THE PLAYOFFS, I’m wondering if they’ll cast a stinker now. Actually, I feel kinda bad for the Vikings quarterback. He was getting blasted early on, but I saw a stat last night that said the team was 7-2 when he starts. Uh, yay?
8:30 p.m.
• Well I just had last Friday and today off, and the weird things is I don’t actually like the actual “day off.” I like the fact when I go into work tomorrow I’m facing a four-day workweek. Of course when I get to stay up late on Sunday night there isn’t a Sunday night game on. Bastards.
• Finally got around to seeing the Grudge sequel last night. I know these two movies get blasted, but I like them. It’s a shame none of the victims tried punching the ghost chick in the face or something.
• This is the third consecutive time I’ve been typing something in the computer room and JJ has taken a crap in the room’s litterbox. Goddamnit. It’s funny because this room is his “domain,” although I don’t know what he’d do if someone else tried to take it over. Each of our three have certain territories around the house. JJ’s is the computer room. Max tends to rule the spare bedroom that is also on our second floor, although the other two also hang out there every now and then – although he has claimed the bed. Dessa really doesn’t “claim” a room, but the one heating vent in the kitchen is hers.
• So the Red Sox won it all. Don’t care. I actually think it’s funny A-Rod took his share of the spotlight by saying he’s opting to become a free agent during the Sox’s time in the spotlight. I’m an A-Rod defender, even though he does some bush-league things every now and then. However, I don’t blame him for wanting to leave. You’re set for life. Go to a place that you will be happy playing for during the summer. Then again, he’ll probably go for the biggest payday. Whatever. It’s not my life. Speaking of “bush-league,” I laughed when I heard some Redskins players got pissed when the Patriots “ran up the score” by going for it on 4th down while up by 30+ points. You know the best way to counter this “disrespect”? Go after Tom Brady’s knees.
• Oh for fuck’s sake.
You know, if you can’t graduate from frickin’ HIGH SCHOOL, you’re a loser. The only exception to this is if you have 10 siblings, your parents died and you’re working five jobs to keep food on the table and the lights on. And even then you should be working toward a GED in your spare time.
8 p.m.
• Yeah, who needs preseason. All the good players will just get hurt anyway. (Just heard on NBC's recap show this injury is serious.)
• You know what I hate most about this commercial?
These people go to some yuppie place for dinner and they eat MACARONI AND CHEESE? I bet the bacon is what makes this dish decadent!
If I had to dress up for some tasting, it better be for some form of surf 'n turf.
4:15 a.m.
• Better late than never I guess, you academic asshole.
• Earlier today I watched ESPN's college football show for the first time. I might watch future episodes. My favorite part was the sign in the background that read "Lou Holtz for Prethadent." Man that's cold. "O.J. stole my tickets" finished second, but I've watched too many wrestling shows in my lifetime that had similar signs in the crowd. I hate to say it, but for the past year or so I've gotten more interested in watching college football. I don't actually care about any of the teams (although I wanted Texas to beat USC a few years ago), and the fact there's no official playoff system makes these contests nothing more than exhibition games, but in regards to just to "watching football," it's been a surprisingly enjoyable experience.
8:45 a.m.
• So recently some college football coach went off on a columnist for writing a mean column about his one player.
Here’s the column in question.
I’m rather indifferent on if the coach should have called out this columnist – the PTI boys didn’t approve (wonder why). However, I will say this: Whenever these stories pop up, and the argument of “OMG the reporter has a right to free speech,” doesn’t the coach or representative from the team have a right to call out the writer? It’s hilarious to witness, whenever an incident like this happens, how the reporters in the room just stand there and take it, and even though their expressions are not shown on camera, I’m sure many of them have a deer-in-headlights-look. It would be great if a journalist would just respond back, “Yeah I wrote that – prove me wrong, bitch.” Hell, get up on stage with your accuser and have a field day. Now that would make for great television. On a somewhat related story, I remember last year Tony Kornheiser got all pissy when some in the media bashed him for his "Monday Night Football" announcing early into the season. I agreed that it was a bit too early to say he was terrible at this, but is it still "too early"? Amazing how critics/commentators have some of the thinnest skin.
Having read this column, all I have to say is that if a reporter is gonig to say things like "If you believe the rumors and the rumblings...", "Word is...", "Other times, though, Reid has been nicked in games and sat it out instead of gutting it out," then you better have the evidence to back this up. Otherwise, get ready to defend yourself. At least she was able to prove that this quarterback does get the jitters before games.
Oh, and here's the best part of this whole story. From the AP.
• The starting U.S. goalie in the women’s world cup thing got benched for some chick who played good against Brazil several years ago. The starting goalie, Hope Solo, then bitched about being benched after America lost 4-0 and trashed her coach and teammate.
Solo had no reason to be benched due to her play. Now there’s the “she’s a whiner/threw team under the bus” talk, but in this case I don’t blame her. She was probably still pissed from losing, and to make matters worse she had to watch the carnage while sitting on the sideline. If I was her teammate (outside of perhaps the goalie who replaced her), I’d rather have her get pissed off over this than just sit there and say the usual “oh, it’s OK we’re a happy team go U.S.A.” crap.
7 p.m.
• So a while back I said that the better half was getting laid off by her idiot boss. This is a rather odd situation because normally Mrs. kkk is the one with the job and I’m the one going to interviews. However, despite a dozen or so interviews she has gone on the results have all been the same: zip. Now granted one place wanted her – for half of what she was currently making. There were a few other places that had similar experiences, but there was one in particular that deserves mention. This place had her come in for three different interviews, and each time the Mrs. said that she would never go back to that place if they asked her to come in for another session. Of course, each time she went. The last interview she had with these people she was told that she would hear back from them in a week. One month later they contacted her for another interview, which I think was the “offer” stage. However, much to the better half’s credit, she turned down the invitation.
The biggest shock she has had during these two-plus months is how unprofessional so many people get. Every time a person said they could contact her one way or the other within a week or two, they never do. Now while this is nothing new to me, this is a whole different experience for Mrs. kkk. Fortunately, there’s one place that will be picking her up in the fall. Or at least that what she was told. She’s got until the end of this month before her current job (thankfully) expires and she can head toward the unemployment line. At least now when the “get a job” jokes are made, it will be me doing the delivery instead of being the punchline.
• Allegheny County executive board members (or whatever these people are called) have just passed a public smoking ban that is awaiting a signature from County Chief Executive President Dan Onorato. Here’s what I don’t get about this whole anti-smoking crusade. If puffing cancer sticks is so bad for you (and I’m not saying that it isn’t), then let’s just outright ban these things. I’m not a smoker. Never have been; never will. Well, there were a few times I would light up a Swisher Sweet during my college days, but that was because I needed something to keep me awake while I drove home from 16+ hours worth of work and classes. That Swishers’ tangy taste and aroma helped keep me alert enough so that I didn’t veer off the road and crash into a building. Other than that, I have never touched a cigarette/cigar. (I did consume chewing tobacco one night while drunk, but that’s another story for another time.) Cigarettes are a tax on the stupid, and if you want to smoke them, that’s your choice. I also think it should be the choice of business owners to decide for themselves whether or not to make their establishments a smoking or non-smoking facility. Yeah, I’ve heard the anti-smoking Gestapo say that a bar’s owner is putting the health of his or her customers and employees at risk. Patrons can frequent somewhere else, and employees can get another job. There’s a scale I use that measures how much freedom people should be allowed to have and how much regulation is required for “the greater good.” This issue of letting private businesses decide on giving them the choice of whether to be a smoking or non-smoking facility, or if Big Brother “knows what’s best” and forbids any kind of smoking in a business’ vicinity can play a role in whether or not I determine how much of a commie somebody is. Now if you think Big Brother “knows what’s best” in this situation, don't worry; I won’t necessarily label you a commie for this alone. I do see the other point of view in this debate; I just disagree with it. (By the way, if there is ever a law to outright ban tobacco, I wouldn't complain. Well that is other than knowing that "fat taxes" will be used to replace cigarette taxes, which will be gone as a result of banning tobacco products.)
The best part of this above-mentioned story is that smoking will be allowed to take place in a casino which will soon be sprouting up in the region. Now wait a second. I’ve never been to a casino, nor do I care to, but I’ve seen enough on television to know that quite a few people can fit into one of these places. And yet it’s OK to smoke HERE?! I’m striking up a local tone here because our piece of shit governor Edward Rendell thinks that the state will be better off if we allowed casinos to set up shop in Pennsylvania. My opinion on this matter is mostly indifferent. I don’t care if they get built, but then again I’m not a restaurant owner that will probably get screwed over if a casino gets built next to my business. But Fast Eddie is acting like these casinos will single handedly rejuvenate the state. It’s not. But by the time the idiots who support this initiative realize this, Swindell would already be out of office and headed toward greener pastures.
• Keeping up with the Nanny-State theme, I give this three years before the health Nazis try this sort of shit to Middle America. I can’t wait to see the excuses as to why we’re all a bunch of fatties when fast-food restaurants get banned. By the way, the government is all about limiting our choices for health reasons; hence smoking bans and soon-to-be “fat” bans. But why is it there’s one choice out there that actually kills life and is seemingly untouchable? *whistles and walks away*
• You know, if The Onion would write stuff like this...
...I might actually read what they produce. The sad thing about this is that it isn’t satire; it’s nonfiction. And since I’m talking about The Onion, the only thing I ever intentionally laughed at that was written by them was a story about an athlete blaming God for a loss.
• I heard on the radio today that the Pennsylvania Port Authority has fired its Harrisburg-based lobbying group (Harrisburg is PA’s state capital for the geographically challenged) for wasting money. Wow, when the Port Authority thinks you are wasting too much money, you know the situation is bad. And while I’m on this subject, I’ve been hearing rumblings from this bureaucracy that they need more money or else they’ll have to drastically increase fares. Of course, they can’t just get rid of routes that nobody attends or utilize smaller vehicles to take over these unpopulated stops. That would save money, and we sure as hell can’t have that. One solution I’ve heard is to raise the state gasoline tax by 10 cents per gallon. Let me get this straight. Mass transit is out of money. To get more money, Pennsylvania raises the gas tax. Mass transit relies heavily on gasoline. Mass transit has no money. Makes perfect sense to me. While we’re at it, let’s tax tires and vehicle windows.
• There’s a government school in Michigan that invited this German-based choir to sing at their school. However, there was one stipulation. No religious songs. What was this choir named? “Voices of Heaven.” And people wonder why I call these institutions “government” schools.
• But not everything is negative in this crazy world of ours. Paul Harvey said earlier today that a fellow Aussie is in negotiations to play the role of the late Steve Irwin in a movie about his life. Who’s this Aussie?
Russell Crowe.
Even though later reports deny this annoucement, I don't care. I so want this movie made. “See that croc there? What a beauty. They like to lay in the water and soak up the sun’s rays. But do you know what else they like to do?”
"Fightin!"
• Guys in long-term relationships will appreciate this one. So yesterday the better half and I were driving around to a few stores. We stopped in this place close to our house that recently opened up a Sam’s Club. The former highlight of this shopping plaza used to be a Wal-Mart, but it got moved down the road a bit and now a Sam’s Club was taking up the place. Don’t ask why they just didn’t build a Sam’s where the newer Wal-Mart was constructed; I’m not.
As we pulled in the plaza parking lot, I looked around to see if any new stores were being added to this place. One of them was a dollar store – I can’t remember its name. I mentioned this to Mrs. kkk, who then scolded me and said that store has always been there. I then pointed to the big banner on the building’s exterior that read, “Grand Opening” and was told “that didn’t matter because there has always been a dollar store there.” Yes dear.
Later on that day we went into Kohl’s because her one friend is about to pop out another kid. This of course means the better half is going to spend 30 minutes looking at every baby outfit in stock. I never understood getting new clothes for babies because they will be growing out of them soon enough, or they are going to throw up/crap/pee all over these over-priced outfits. As I stood there listening to some brat playing this “sing along” device, I knew it was time to head over to another part of the store. I said I was going over to the cooking section and high-tailed it out of there.
Although I bought some vacuum bags for food storage (25 percent off, baby) I was a bit disappointed that they were out of those space-saving storage containers. They’ve been pimped on TV as saving cabinet space and come in three different sizes. I bought some for the holiday season because they were on sale, and they were a pretty good buy. Before I had a plethora of food storage containers scattered throughout the place and I could never find the right lid or cover to fit the container I wanted to use. Fuck I’m getting old when I think this sort of thing is worthy of being typed up. Well, at least I’m not talking about my fiber intake and outtake … yet.
• I’m thinking of adding a new feature that will appear every now and then (re: when I get bored of writing my usual stupid shit). If you want my take on a topic/issue just shoot me off a PM. And, no, I don’t know if the doctor dropped me on my head when I was born, so that one is out of the way.
Blog Plugs
• When he’s not rewriting history, Bored gave his opinion on NCAAs conference tournaments: He doesn't like them. I don’t follow college sports, but I watch the NCAA March Madness tournament. If conferences want to have some hippie post-regular season tournament, then let them. If anything, these tournaments seem to be a nice tune-up for the big tournament, and plus if some bubble team underachieved a bit in the regular season, they have the opportunity to make up for it by winning their conference tournament. Regarding “home court” advantages some teams have, eh, I really don’t care. Rotate the settings, but let them play.
Oh, and I don’t care about this hippie World Baseball Tournament, so your lineup looks fine to me.
• Lovecraft321 may not agree with me on politics, but we can agree on making fun of college hippies. When I used to live at Sappy Valley, these types were always in the middle of any demonstration, from legalizing drugs to lifting the Cuba embargo, and often made for great entertainment. However, instead of calling them “hippies” I prefer the term “pseudo hippie.” Basically, a pseudo-hippie is someone who protests the policies of a certain country (think sweatshops in some third-world country) but then isn’t able to pick out that country on a map. Another sign of pseudo-hippiness is when one of these cretins drive their parent’s SUV to some “Save the Planet” concert, or, better yet, their denouncement of talk radio while encouraging others to listen to “Rage Against the Machine” for the latest insight on how we’re being screwed over by The Man. The next time you come across one of their stupid rallys/protests/etc., look for the “Free Mumia” group that always populates these endeavors; it’s like playing a real-life game of “Where’s Waldo?” My personal highlight of interacting with these people came when some ugly skank (Or was it a really thing, long-haired guy? Who knows.) handed me a flyer telling me why Mumia should be freed. I took it, shoved it down my pants, did a few wipes (my briefs served as an effective barrier between the paper and the nether regions) and gave it back to her/him/it.
And the reason there are only white hippies is because all the black ones got thrown in jail after getting busted for smoking a joint.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 99: Jessie Ewiak
I have stopped going into the CE folder (or whatever it’s being called nowadays) for quite a while, which is a shame because for the longest time it was by far the most entertaining place for discussion and debate. Did I just say “discussion and debate”? What I meant to say was that for the longest time the CE folder was by far the most entertaining place for name-calling, flame-baiting and overall juvenile behavior. While there were many people (like me) who limited most of their posts to a smart-ass (and often unfunny) remark or two per post, there were some who tried to do more. One of these people was Jessie Ewiak, and surprisingly he was a favorite of mine. When he wasn’t explaining to members of the Conservative Brigade why the polls favored Kerry over Bush in ’04, he was wanking to one of the few elections Democrats did manage win that year. Also, when it came to talking about the Swift Boat Vets and the *coughallegedcough* cBS forged memos about Bush’s National Guard Service, Jessie was blog-tastic. In fact, the one thing I don’t like about Jessie is that he didn’t post more, because I really did enjoy reading his take on a variety of issues, even if I didn’t agree with them. So in the spirit of bipartisanship, even though I wish that all of the people Jessie votes for in the ’06 elections lose, I want them to lose by really small vote margins. Sadly, with the two of us living in Pennsylvania (him up in Erie, me down in Shittsburgh), I’m afraid that there will be quite a few people on his ballot taking congratulatory phone calls from political opponents later this year.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
• So last night I was watching the Hurricanes/Sabers game and they just ended the first period. With the Suns/Mavericks game yet to begin I decided to do some channel surfing, which is what any guy would do given the circumstances. So there I was flipping away when I came across MTV and this “Sweet 16” show. Wondering what the hell this was I put the remote down, which was my first mistake. I’ve never heard of this show before, but apparently it’s about spoiled brats and what they do for their 16th birthday. This episode focused on a chick named Alexa and her getting ready for the big day. The show started out with her giving away invitations right outside her house with a staff of security guards trying to keep the crowd of (she estimated) 400 in order. Once the invitations were given out, tragedy struck. Her boyfriend, Manny, broke up with her. It only got worse from there. To celebrate her becoming a woman, the family was going to rent out a hotel reception hall and decorate it in a Arabian motif, complete with belly dancers and snake charmers. However, there was a problem: Her mother didn’t like the centerpieces Alexa picked out. Then later on when she went out by the beach to take some glamour shots, the wind picked up, discombobulating the angel wings that were set up on her back. This hardship was so trying that she began crying over this. But all this paled to what happened later, when it was time for her to go car shopping with her dad. She picked this automobile and wanted it right then and there. Daddy, though, didn’t oblige because he was playing the negotiating game with the salesman over the $41,000 price tag. This brought on another wave of tears.
When it came time for the big day, Alexa was in for a rude awakening. Her mother purchased the centerpieces that she liked, not the ones Alexa preferred. To add insult to injury, Louis the Event Planner didn’t have time to replace them, so Alexa had to deal with these monstrosities that cost $3,000 less than the centerpieces she wanted. Note I didn’t say they cost $3,000 – they cost $3,000 LESS. All throughout the preparation process, Alexa kept saying how she wanted to impress her ex-boyfriend, who was in attendance, and on her big day everything was going wrong, leaving Manny unimpressed. But then it all turned around for our little Alexa. Dressed as a belly dancer, she gyrated in front of a packed audience, showing Manny what he was missing. When it was all said and done, Manny had a change of heart and said to her, “I wouldn’t mind getting back with you.” Oh but the laugh was on him, because Alexa said that she no longer wanted to be with him. You go girl. Then her father took Alexa outside to show her the car he bought – the same vehicle that she cried about not getting earlier in the episode. As if that wasn’t enough, her dad also got her a diamond-encrusted Rolex watch, to which she said, as her dad gave it to her, “Fuck the car, dude, check out my watch.” Manny, still heartbroken after being rejected by Alexa just minutes ago, said on camera, “”I could have been driving that car.”
Oh by the way, this wasn’t really Alexa’s 16th birthday; it was her 15th. God only knows what’s going to happen when she turns 21. And I will never watch this show again, partly because I don’t want to know if Alexa is one of the more or less extreme cases of this show.
