3 p.m.
• Exactly 10 years to the day this racist/fascist/xenophobic/sexist/right-wing/left-handed bastard was manning a booth at a local water park on behalf of a nonprofit. As he sat there, a number of voluptuous females walked by him in their skimpy bathing suits that showcased their goods. These stuck-up twats with their tan skin, c-cupped breasts and round backsides wouldn’t even give him the time of day. Eventually, one approached and wasn’t repulsed by this booth-sitter’s looks and personality. She actually thought this idiot was funny. That chick then left because her boyfriend returned from the nearby snack stand and the person I ended up marrying on June 25, 2005, showed up.
Baby, you’re the greatest. Or at least the best I could get with what little I have going.
7:30 am.
• This showed up in my work e-mail this morning. How could this NOT be legit? They even included a link to a story talking about the plane crash this German guy died in!
Is there any doubt why Africa has no money? All these people die, leave their accounts frozen and don't give the Dark Continent a chance to make this cash grow.
7:15 a.m.
• While looking at the story below, which I first read on Drudge, I saw this headline, too.
Now THAT'S some funny shit right there, NYT.
• See, this is what's wrong with California. Requiring pets to be sterile? Unwanted pets cost $300 million per year? How about neutering welfare recipients, felons and illegals -- I'm sure that'll save you guys a nice chunk of change.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 21: Cartman
I don’t have much to say about Cartman. The guy’s a commie, but as I have said before that’s not really all that big a deal. What is a big deal, though, is that he is the kkk Bowl II champ. Don’t believe me? Look at his sig. Speaking of NFL contests, it looks like he did some “Survivor” deal back in ’03. We've been around that long? Wonder if he's got the same girlfriend that he had back in '04 where he wanted to know what kind of video games the two of them could play together? Hey, she liked sports games; sounds like a keeper to me.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Cancer Marney:
Coming soon...
The Top 20~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
DEVELOPING...
9 p.m.
• The better half had an interesting story to tell today. She had to work late so I made the bitch take the bus home. When she takes the bus home, she hops on Westmoreland Transit, which is the county we live in that’s next to Allegheny County, home of Shittsburgh. Because of this distance, there aren’t as many bus routes for Westmoreland Transit as there are for the Port Authority of Allegheny County (which by the way is a fucking joke and is bankrupt). Mrs. kkk was on the bus today and this bitch was sitting near her on the phone bitching to some bureaucratic peon from Westmoreland Transit. The problem? The bus this chick was originally waiting for broke down and she had to wait two hours for the next one to pick her up. When she asked the bus driver if she had to pay the fare, the bus driver said “yes” in “a rude manner.” Now the better half said she was ready to tell this person to shut up, but I know better. She just sat there and let this cunt do her thing. I’ve taken public transportation during my college years and it’s just a fact of life that these pieces of shit break down every now and then. That’s the price you pay for using public transportation.
That’s also the price paid for depending on the government to provide for you.
6:30 p.m.
• So Pacman Jones is in a bit of trouble…
… and what do I hear on a SportsCenter teaser today -- “How will THIS affect Pacman Jones’ re-entry into the NFL?” How do you fucking think? I’m sure Roger Goodell will be thinking, “Boy, that Pacman is sure being held down by the Man. I think we’ll shave a few months off his sentence.
• If you haven’t heard this story about Pirates pitcher Ian Snell…
Well now you have. Why do I comment on this? Because of this wacky mishap, Snell got scratched from his regular start, which was last night against the Mariners (which the Pirates won). When is he going to pitch again? Against the Angles. If that’s not paying for one’s stupidity I don’t know what is.
• Today I went to the printers to look over a proof and start the process rolling on this month’s workplace publication. When I walked out of the printers building I saw a white dog roaming around (this was in Shittsburgh’s South Side). Now I have no problem with dogs, but when I see one roaming about I leave it alone. Don’t know where it’s been, don’t know what it’s temperament is. Well, the guy I deal with at this print shop must have been told by a co-worker about this dog and went out to see its condition. We both approached it and noticed it had a collar but no tags. Poor thing was panting like a champ, too. The other guy, a dog owner, took it out back to give it some water and shade and I told him if the owner couldn’t be found I’ll try and set it up in a no-kill shelter. I spent the next 20 minutes when I returned to the office to find a shelter for the pooch, and later on that afternoon I was happy to hear the dog’s owner was reunited with his lost companion. Oh happy days.
Nothing against dogs, but in a house with three cats, it wouldn’t have been a good match. A few years ago, the brother-in-law and his wife asked if we could keep their newly bought dog at our place for a few days so they could surprise their kids on Christmas day. We accepted. Boy was that a fun time. Dessa and JJ didn’t take too kindly to their guest; I think we only saw each of them once during this time, twice at the max. The puppy, who was eventually named Duchess, was a husky or some kinds of elk hound. And of course it had a case of diarrhea the whole time it was with us. That’s what family is for, I guess.
To get shit on.
6 p.m.
• So I finally saw Spiderman 3 last night and honestly… wtf.
Spoilers ahead and stuff.
Fuck Aunt May for being a goddamn hippie. “Forgive” the person that killed your longtime husband? Bitch please.
Fuck that butler guy for waiting all this time before telling Harry that his dad was a fuckup.
Fuck Mary Jane for being a jealous bitch. And I'd take JJJ's secretary over anyone from these movies.
And I don’t get that Brock Junior guy getting all mopey for getting busted for taking faux pictures. First off, that’s a big no-no. Secondly, making up news to fit a certain template – I’m sure the New York Times would have had him on the phone the moment he got released from the Daily Bugle.
What’s this shit about another guy killing Peter’s uncle? And what’s this shit about “I didn’t mean to shoot your uncle”? Oh boo-hoo. You shot an innocent person. He died. You should have gotten the needle years ago you pissant – and I don’t give a shit if your kid is sick. What did you do for her in the end? Just turn into sand and float off, leaving your kid to fend for herself and hope the State can be a better father figure than you could, you lowlife piece of shit.
You want to know what the good was? J. Jonah Jameson, although not as good as in previous films. Bruce Campbell got a paycheck. And, I kid you not, was waiting for the line Harry says that’s in Black Lushsus’ avatar over at the other place. I was sitting there halfway through the film wondering what the hell is going on and thinking, “So when is Harry going to be saying, ‘so good’?” I also liked Venom Brock – it’d be nice if he was on-screen for more than five minutes.
Oh, here’s another thing that got on my nerves. In the first Spiderman movie when the Green Goblin was being mean on the bridge, everyday New Yorkers came to Spidey’s defense by throwing stuff at the Goblin and saying stuff like “You mess with Spiderman, you mess with New York.” In the second film, those passengers on the subway try to defend Spiderman from Doc Ock. What happens in this film? OMG there’s this big sand guy and black thing holding a chick hostage in a car way up in the air. Let’s all just stand around and do nothing. If the fire fighters can’t at least turn the hose on the sand guy while I’m waiting for my friend-turned-enemy-turned-friend-turned-enemy-turned-friend arrive on his hippie hover board, then I’d be moving to another city that would at least appreciate my efforts – and no, gay parades and keys to the city don’t mean shit when you’re having slabs of construction material hurled at you.
One last thing about the sandman. Great concept with the roaring face and all that – I liked it better the first and second time I saw it during the “Mummy” movies.
But at least Bruce Campbell got a paycheck.
Maybe I’ll better appreciate this movie upon a second viewing or something. My spidey sense is going off on this one, though. Or is that my ears ringing due to the wax removal drops I put in earlier today?
11:30 a.m.
• Well this can't be good. Earlier this morning the better half and I heard this engine noise from outside. After a while when we got our lazy asses up to see what was going on (my guess was the cable company trimming some trees from phone poles or something like that) we saw an ambulance by our shut-in neighbor's house. And the only thing worse than an ambulance at your house is when the paramedics don't seem to be in any hurry to cart you off. Not sure if the guy died or not (there's a chance he could be getting transported to a nursing home/rehab/etc.), but one of his adult kids was there with his wife and talking on the cell phone. My guess is that he was calling the rest of the family to deliver the news. If that's the case, then peace out, Mr. Auld. Saturdays just won't be the same around here without your family coming over and screaming at the top of their lungs during every play of a Notre Dame football broadcast, and I mean that in a sad way.
11 a.m.
• Well yesterday was fun. For our upcoming anniversary, I had been saving up to get the better half a television for the bedroom. Now I know what you’re thinking: You’re just getting the television for yourself and disguising it as a gift for “her.” You would be wrong. When we had our former TV in the bedroom, I never once had it on; the better half likes to watch DVDs before nodding off, and there would be many times when I’d come to bed and she’d be snoozing to “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” or an episode of “Charmed.” A while back, Max knocked this television onto the floor in the middle of the night – my guess he was trying to get up to one window and was using the television as a springboard. He then slipped somewhere during this action and while trying to regain his balance on top of the television knocked it over. That was a fun noise to wake up to at 3 a.m. on a worknight. Anyway, because we have spent the past year paying off Mrs. kkk’s credit card bills, a new television set wasn’t in the cards. However, I had been saving up and was hoping to get a nice LCD set for the bedroom for her. I saw a nice deal at Best Buy this past week and planned to get the set last night and hook it up in time before she got back from working her second job.
Or so I thought.
I always liked Best Buy, but one thing I could do without are employees stopping me every few minutes asking if I need anything. No I don’t. Go away. I knew someone who worked at a Best Buy once and he said the employees at his store had to flag down a certain amount of customers per day and fill out some hippie report. Is he right? I don’t know. However, this day everybody must have met their quota because I was in the television department for 40 minutes trying to get someone to ring me up. It was unreal. If I wasn’t being walked right by store personnel as if I didn’t exist, I was being told to “wait and someone will be right with you.” I’m not a high-maintenance customer. Most of the time I want to be left alone. But I find it funny that the one time I was hoping to get pulled over by someone wearing one of those blue shirts I was unable to. I bet if I was going to buy a $5 DVD I’d have six of these CSR’s letting me know that if I wanted to buy a big-ticket item they’d be down the next aisle.
But it all works out in the end. I just left and went to another store where I bought a “normal” television set and some extra stuff with the several hundred dollars I saved from not making that Best Buy purchase. Not only did I not break the bank when getting Mrs. kkk a gift that she can (and will) use, but also if I hear a loud “crash” at 3 a.m. I can go back to bed knowing that buying the less expensive product was the right thing to do.
9 p.m.
• I’m smelling left-wing conspiracy here to take God out of our society.
• I don’t go to casinos, but are there such do-not-allow-me-in-the-building laws in the States? (This case was from across the Pond.)
• Arena football may be back in Shittsburgh, baby.
I remember years ago we had the Gladiators. Never went to a game. Never cared. I heard on the radio today they moved to Tampa. I did a quick Wikipedia and noticed the Gladiators lost Arena Bowls I and III, but have won five since moving to Flordia, including one right after setting up shop in Tampa.
This was funny.
Makes me wonder if the possibility of getting an Arena Football team would have been likely if there wasn’t going to be a new arena built. OMG THE ARENA WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST FOR THE PENGUINS!
8:45 p.m.
• Oh no another GOP defection~!
Whatever. He was never a Republican anyway – just some Dem who jumped over to avoid some commie-fest Democrat primary. I don’t care if he runs or not. I wouldn’t vote for the guy.
• R.I.P. Barker beauties.
I wonder how Rosie would react if some contestant in military uniform would get out of that first-round guess-the-closest-price stage and end up next to her. I'm also quite sure there won't be any little old ladies giving her pecks on the cheek. Then again, old people don't know where they are half the time anyway.
11 a.m.
• And who says crime doesn't reach our more rural regions? Oh Somerset County.
And now for the "meat" of the story.
But that's not all...
9:30 p.m.
• Yeah, too bad if these kids got killed by the cops you wouldn't be saying this "now's not the time for blame" shit.
Here's my favorite part.
I think God was trying to tell you that you're a shitty mother and your kids are better up there with him than down there with you.
Living about 30 miles from the area, this has gotten a good deal of coverage (I made a remark about this story last week), and, if the rumors are true, it sounds like the two mothers would lock their kids up while they would go to the nearby bar.
1:45 p.m.
• Dedicated to the recently hitched Smitty and SFA Jack. Not to each other, though. Although I wouldn't be surprised if Smitty lives for the cock.
So Friday my old lady sends the better half and I an anniversary gift: some money. Whatever. I’m not 10 anymore but you never look a gift check in the mouth, or at least until after it clears. Last night when I got home from work Mrs. kkk struck up the following conversation regarding said windfall.
Her: “You know what I was thinking we could do with that money? Since we weren’t expecting it, we could use it to buy a new door for the back porch.”
Me: “You know what I was thinking we could do with that money? Pay off credit-card debt.”
There was a moment of silence, then she responds with this: “Well, I don’t want to put the new screen door in the back until we replace that back door first.”
Here’s some backstory. While paying off the better half’s credit-card debt, we made an agreement that she could get two screen doors this summer to replace the shitty ones that came with the house when we bought it in 2004. Well, these new doors we recently bought aren’t screen doors, but whatever. They’re those secondary doors where when you open the main door your cats can look outside with no problems. Here's the one we got for the front entrance.
Side note: I would like to point out that the old front screen door did have a huge rip in it because Dessa (pictured bottom left) got out a few months ago and decided that she didn’t like it out there, ripped a hole in the screen, jumped in-between the two doors and cried until one of us realized she was no longer in the house. Back to my story.
Of course, the cost of these things (one for the front door, one for the back) was more than what Mrs. kkk said they were going to be. Big shock there. But here’s my favorite part. After making my remark up above, she then mentions that she now wants to replace the main back door before putting on the back screen door. When did we decide on this shit? Is that supposed to be some kind of threat that oh no we have a screen door paid for but won’t install it until we go out and buy another door? My response to her response to my first response to her first response.
“OK, then the screen door will stay in the garage.”
Yeah, I have no idea how she ended up with $20k in credit-card debt. The really sad thing is that we’ve almost finished paying off the aforementioned debt and now she’s thinking it’s time to go out and accrue more expenses.
Here’s another example of wedded bliss that took place early in the week on the way home from work. I’m sure you can figure out who is who in this conversation.
“What’s wrong with your mouth?”
“I cut my lip”
“What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it – it’s stupid.”
“No, what happened?”
“I did something stupid and paid the price.”
“What was it?”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“Come on, what was it.”
“I cut myself licking a noodle off my Campbell’s soup can during lunch at work today.”
“Why did you do that?”
“I said before I wasn’t thinking when I did it.”
“You know you’re not supposed to do that. You could get hurt doing that. That was stupid.”
“No shit.”
“Why would you do something about that?”
“I said before I wasn’t thinking when I did it.”
“I can’t believe you did something that stupid.”
“I said before I wasn’t thinking when I did it.”
“You not going to get any sympathy from me.”
“When was I asking for any?”
The rest of the conversation is a blur. All I remember is at some point she said, “why am I with you?” Later on I turned up the car radio and connected a few right crosses to her face. Then again, I think this isn’t so much “wedded bliss,” rather than it being “together with someone for 10 years” bliss.
“I do.” Ain’t those two little words a bitch? Happy matrimony, guys.
I justy noticed my USA Today insert that's in my Sunday paper has a cover story talking about "Marriage and Money." Oh this should be good.
This just in. Right as I'm typing, the better half just came in and said, "honey, I just hit myself in the head off the house." Oh this should be even better. DEVELOPING...
11:15 p.m.
• So I just spent the last 11 hours finishing up the monthly publication that I’m responsible for producing. There’s no way I’m looking at a computer screen anymore tonight.
• Good.
Fuck him. Nothing else needs to be said on this matter, other than I can’t wait for the students to start suing him. That’ll be a sight to see.
12:30 a.m.
• So here’s an update on the “Aussie Prince.” For those that don’t know, here’s a recap.
Well, today I found out that this couple isn’t divorced, but they are no longer living together. Oh, yeah. The Aussie Prince told the not-quite-ex-wife that he now has a “great job,” bought a new car and moved into a house. All within a month. Boy, that bitch was sure holding him back.
• OK, now this is scary. From Dave Ramesy’s Web page that features testimonials from people who made stupid decisions with their money:
I’m 31 and this person who is just three years older than me has a 14-year old? Now granted that means this chick squirted out the kid when she was 20, but still. Makes me glad I’m not responsible for another life, outside of the better half and three cats.
7:45 p.m.
• What a bunch of pussies.
Well I guess this makes sense. Rush and his ilk cause global warming, so why should these listeners be warned when a hurricane they helped create comes over and wipes them out with no warning?
7:15 p.m.
• So there’s this semi-local restaurant called Eat ‘n Park. It’s got a number of locations, but it’s regional. Anyway, they have this stupid mascot thing called Smiley, named after their smiley cookies. What is it? A cookie with frosting that makes it look like there’s a happy face. Well last night the better half wanted to go to the Eat ‘n Park across from the grocery store we go to every Tuesday afternoon. Turns out that was the time Mr. Smiley was paying a visit to that restaurant. And the place was PACKED with kids all screaming "SMILEY!"
Believe it or not, I wasn’t that annoyed. I normally don’t mind noisy kids if they’re having fun. That’s what kids are supposed to do, after all. It’s the ones that throw temper tantrums that I want to smack upside the head with a brick. Well, as Mr. Smiley was making his rounds, Mrs. kkk made some remark about Mr. Smiley, and just to be an asshole I said I’d break Mr. Smiley’s leg and shout out to all these brats, “Where’s your Smiley now?” This of course brought the usual, “You hate everything that’s good and wholesome in this world.” I normally respond with a pedophile priest joke, but this time my retort was, “So what’s your point?” I then added we should go to another local restaurant because their mascot better resembled my attitude. And just what is this other mascot?
The Frownie.
Good God is this a fucking retarded character. It makes the Mr. Smiley marketing concept look like those three Budweiser frogs from the mid-90s. You know Bud … Weis … Er. (And I didn't even like those frogs to begin with.) The Frownie’s restaurant, which is called King’s, has this thing included in a number of its billboards making some pseudo-sarcastic comment. For example, there’s one billboard I drive by every day on the way home from work pimping some kind of sandwich, and the Frownie is saying, “Nice Buns.” Who comes up with this shit? And don’t get me started on the television commercials.
Too late.
"That’s one mean dessert?" Fuck around with my sales reports and I’d be putting your right hand through the paper shredder. Bitch.
7 a.m.
• I didn't watch last nights NBA game but I heard on the radio today that LeBron got fouled when he took his last shot. A clip was then played after the game with James being asked a question about that play, and he replied "incidental contact." Well played, even though from what I've gathered last night's game was not.
4:30 p.m.
• So I was pondering coming into work this weekend to finish up some stuff, but then I heard on the radio Friday that a major road into Shittsburgh was going to be closed all weekend. That’s right. ALL WEEKEND. Oh, and there was some concert going on at Heinz Field Saturday. I decided to stay home.
I think I was right on this one.
Close an interstate when 50,000 people are slated to show up for a concert. Brilliant. Say, why don’t you wait until the NFL season starts and plan these construction weekends whenever the Steelers have a home game?
5 p.m.
• Regarding this whole Paris Hilton going back to jail thing.
What the hell is wrong with people? Jesus Christ.
OMG THE BILLIONARE HOTEL HEIRESS IS GETTING HER JUST DESSERTS JOHN EDWARDS USED HER IN A CAMPAIGN LINE NO MOM NO HELP ME I’M GOING TO HIT THE BUTTON 10000 TIMES IN JAIL BECAUSE I HAVE ANXIETY FROM BEING IN THE BIG HOUSE AND I’M COLD HUNGRY AND NOT ABLE TO WAX OMG OMG OMG OMG~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, by the way, much of our air traveling has been grinded to a halt. But wait a second, IT’S PARIS AND SHE’S IN SOME CAR DRIVING OFF TO JAIL WAIT THAT WAS A SWERVE SHE’S IN ANOTHER VEHICLE AND SHE’S IN NEED OF MEDICAL ATTENTION BECAUSE NOT BEING FREE MADE HER SICK AND THAT PARTY SHE THREW AFTER BEING BACK HOME WILL BE FOR NIL BECAUSE NOW SHE’S GOING BACK TO THE BIG HOUSE FOR REAL OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG~!
Please note I won’t be wearing any “Free Paris” gear anytime soon. She should just serve her time, shut her mouth and thank the deity upstairs that nobody was killed when she got shit-faced and decided to drive. However, the media coverage on this is more absurd than the actual story itself. Oh, and for those people saying only rich celebrities get away from jail time, meet my crack-whore sister-in-law. Not only has this woman been arrested numerous times, but even when she has outstanding warrants and gets picked up she still hasn’t spent time behind bars. One time this cop called my brother-in-law’s house asking for the crack-whore (she used her brother’s phone number for contact information on some document), and the brother-in-law said he would direct the cops to the shitty apartment she lives at and knock on the door for them. Nothing.
All that being said though, come on, Paris, using the “being hungry” line as an excuse to get out of jail? Surely you can come up with better material than that in a bid for your freedom.
1:15 p.m.
• The Amnesty bill looks to have been kicked to the curb, so the invasion has been postponed –– for now.
Well, actually, the illegals will still be pouring over the border, but at least now they won’t be giving voting rights/Social Security/etc. Oh who am I kidding? Many probably already are doing this. I’m sure this will bite me in the ass later, when a President Hitlery, along with a Commie Congress, approves an even WORSE illegal immigration bill in the next few years, but sometimes you just have to draw a line in the sand.
• If you went over to read about Swift Terror stroking himself because he caught a RIGHT-WING RADIO guy in a gaffe, then you will understand this next entry. There’s a local guy in Shittsburgh named Quinn that I used to listen to. He used to be the guy I listened to until 8:30 a.m. before heading on-line to listen to Neal Boortz. However, the last few weeks I’ve been listening to archive editions of the Dennis Miller show. I must admit I’m digging this program. I’ve had a weird journey with Dennis. I LOVED his on SNL’s Weekend Update. His HBO show was OK. His opening bit was hit-or-miss, I didn’t really like the guest portion of the show, and my favorite segment was the end with him captioning images. I HATED him on Monday Night Football. When 9/11 took place and he turned into some hipster conservative, or whatever, I didn’t immediately beat off because he was saying, “Bush is the shizzle.” I gave his CNBC show a try, and I actually liked it; judging from the ratings, it seems I was the only one. There is one thing that influences my opinion of Miller, and that is we went to the same college (not at the same time mind you –– I’m not that old). The circle-jerking my alma mater did back in the mid-1990s was enough to make me vomit. Thankfully, I got the hell out of that shit hole right before NBC’s “Providence” hit it big; the lead actress on that show was a fellow alumni. Lord only knows how that place fawned all over her.
Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. Quinn. About once every few weeks I would e-mail him from work while listening to his show to clarify a gaffe he or a caller committed. Generally it’s little stuff like the last time I shot him a message. The last time I had his show on some caller was bitching about something-or-other and brought up the rap group Public Enemy that released the song “Fuck the Police.” I, of course, e-mailed Quinn clarifying that caller’s remarks. The rap group that produced “Fuck the Police,” was N.W.A., not Public Enemy. I also let Quinn know the meaning of N.W.A. –– No Whites Allowed.
I’m just playing, any baller in the rap game knows it’s “Niggaz Wit’ Attitudes.” Word yo.
8:45 p.m.
• So a day or so again, Mark Madden was commenting on Gary Sheffield’s words that Michael Wilbon pops wood over. He pretty much goofed on Gary, and this prompted some black callers to phone in and call him a RACIST. It was a nice switch from the Steeler fanboys that normally a call with their stupid thoughts. However, one guy was a notch above the rest. He bitched that Mark said Gary got away with what he said because he was black (or some similar complaint – all the callers sounded alike) and that if a white person would say something similar they wouldn’t get in trouble either. Madden started goofing on him, and the caller backed up his point by using DON IMUS and JOHN ROCKER as examples of whites that “didn’t get in trouble.”
And I watched a recent “Outside the Lines” episode on ESPN about sports talk radio, which mentioned that the average listener is more educated than one would think.
8:15 p.m.
• Let’s see how I did with my NHL playoff picks. I’m using my selections from the playoff tree after I discovered the league re-seeds its picks every round.
(1) Buffalo v. (8) NY Islanders. Buffalo in 5.
Result: Sabers in 5.
(2) New Jersey v. (7) Tampa Bay. Devils in 5.
Result: Devils in 6.
(3) Atlanta v. (6) NY Rangers. Rangers in 6.
Result: Rangers in 4.
(4) Ottawa v. (5) Shittsburgh. Senators in 7.
Result: Senators in 5.
(1) Detroit v. (8) Calgary. Detroit in 5.
Result: Wings in 6.
(2) Anaheim v. (7) Minnesota. Ducks in 6.
Result: Ducks in 5.
(3) Vancouver v. (6) Dallas. Stars in 6.
Result: Canucks in 7
(4) Nashville v. (5) San Jose. Predators in 7.
Result: Sharks in 5.
First Round: 6 for 8. Hey, seems like I somewhat know what I’m doing, especially if you ignore that 4/5 matchup in the West.
Second Round:
(1) Buffalo beats (6) Rangers in 5.
Result: Sabers in 6.
(4) Ottawa beats (2) Jersey in 6.
Result: Senators in 6.
(1) Detroit beats (6) Dallas in 5.
Sorta-Result: Wings beat Sharks in 6.
(4) Nashville beats (2) Anaheim in 7.
Sorta-Result: Not even close.
Third Round.
(1) Buffalo beats (4) Ottawa in 5.
Result: Sabers Senators in 5.
(
4) Nashville beats (1) Detroit in 7.
Sorta-Result: Ducks beat Wings in 6.
Stanley Cup.
(1) Buffalo beats (4) Nashville in 6.
Not-even-close Result: Man, that’s some good shit I’m smoking.
3 p.m.
• Well the Ducks won the Stanley Cup –– quack quack. From what I little I know of the NHL, it appeared from the start that the Ducks were the better team, and by winning in five games it appeared that way. I’m a little surprised Ottawa didn’t win another game or two, considering how well they seemed to play in the other playoff rounds. At least the final game was a blow-out. I’d feel bad for that Senator player who put the puck into his own net; if the Sens would have lost by just one goal, that player would have had to endure a long summer. I watched last night’s game and the one thing that always pains me is seeing the losing team just sit there on the ice while their opponents rejoice. Imagine going through as many as 28 postseason games only to fall short of getting to smooch Lord Stanley. On the other end of the spectrum, I also feel bad for baseball players who grind through 162 games in six months only to get eliminated in a best-of-five series in a wild-card round. At least with football you only play 16 games, so dropping a stinker in the playoffs would seem more tolerable. Then again, I don’t strap on the pads and beat the hell out of myself all year going against 300-lb linemen or psycho linebackers, so what do I know.
Last year I made a remark that it was nice to see Glenn Wesley finally get to lift the Stanley Cup, and this year it was Teemu Selanne’s turn. I don’t know much about the guy, but I remember him with the Winnipeg Jets. Uh, yay and stuff. I hope the NHL can get back on the radar when it comes to the sporting world –– this sport is too fun to watch to be brushed aside. Like I said above, I don’t religiously follow the NHL as much as I did when I was younger, but if a game is on I’ll have it on, even if I don’t recognize the players’ names.
6:15 p.m.
• We got some more worst things you can do to a Muslim male/female/child. Across the pond, the Muslim Council of Britain announced its demands for banning "un-Islamic" activities in England's government schools.
The funniest thing about all this is that I wanted to single out each offense, but that would have overloaded my quote tag quota for this entry.
• You know, we got predatory lenders after old people, families taking out adjustable-rate mortgages for houses they can’t afford and act all shocked when their rates go up, and now college students unable to get decent loans for their higher learning expenses.
Maybe we are country made up of people too stupid to take care of ourselves. Lord knows we have enough registered Democrats.
• Regarding Danica Patrick’s push of that male driver.
I’ve never had a reason to say anything bad about you, but bitch you better be glad that you pushed him and not me. Great, now the PTI guys are like “Wow, this Danica/Whoever rumble is GREAT!” Yeah, too bad if the pusher and pushee roles were reversed, there would be OUTRAGE~! Hypocrites. Back in my college days, this annoying bitch gave me a push. Guess what? I pushed her back. She was SHOCKED and OFFENDED. Equal treatment my ass. I don't advocate beating the other sex but I do advocate equality.
6 p.m.
• The Michael Wilbon rimjobbing of Gary Sheffield continues today. “OMG a Latino player defended Gary in the Detroit Free Press Today/Gary Sheffield is my hero for speaking out against the Man.” You forgot to wipe some spooge from your chin there, Michael. I know he's your boy and all.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 23: Bored
He’s got a hard-on for win shares, and a fiending for punishment, seeing how he has organized a TSM pick ‘em college football contest for the last few years. I was in on this action last season and did fairly well, even though I had no clue as to what I was doing. (But when is that ever not the case?) In the end I wound up getting sodomized by Kotz in the Meow Mix Pussy Bowl – oh, yeah, and Kotz correctly predicted more games during Bowl Week than I did. I should be sad that I didn’t win the title, not to mention the $50 grand prize, but considering Division I college football has no postseaon and thus produces no real champion, I guess we are all winners in the end. Talk about a self-esteem boost.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From SFA Jack:
• Once again, the GOP has its head up the elephant’s ass.
You want this guy out? Do everything you can to keep him in Congress! Let him parade in front of the cameras saying he did no wrong even though he has thousands upon thousands of dollars stashed away in refrigerators. OMGCULTUREOFCORRUPTION~!
• So the better half’s one friend has a kid who said that he was going to “cut her up with his saw.” He’s four. I like this chap.
• Man, this brought back one heck of a memory.
When I was doing this “driving school” shit, I was picked up one day by the instructor and this chick from another school. As we turned out onto this one road at a three-way intersection, the chick ended up in the wrong lane with a big-rig coming right at us. For some reason, I dove to the other side of the back seat (like that would have accomplished anything) while the instructor grabbed the steering wheel and put us back on course. Years later, my one friend told me that this guy said to my friend’s class that I was the worst driver he ever instructed. Was my friend serious? I don’t know. But then again why would he make this up? (He said that the instructor's biggest peeve was that I never braked when approaching stoplights and stop signs, which is odd because I've got seniors flipping me off due to my slow driving and gradual braking.) Well, it’s been 15 years since I got my license and I’m still accident-free (there’s been a few bumps, but nothing has been reported to insurance). Fuck you, Mr. Ptchak. Actually, there was one accident, but when you’re parked at a gas station, and the Silverado in front of you doesn’t want to way two minutes for her turn to fill up and suddenly peels out in reverse and smashes into your in-law’s car, there’re really nothing you can do about that.
1 p.m.
• Scooter Libby got sentenced to 30 months.
Whatever. The whole story is stupid. Didn't follow it. Don't care. This got me thinking though –– I wonder what the big OUTRAGE will be when W. makes his end-of-term pardons? Will it be someone from Halliburton? Big Tobacco? Someone from the Weekly Standard? We only have 18 more months to wait.
• While I’m on the jailbird topic, I don’t have much to say about Paris Hilton and her hard time.
I’ve defended Paris on a number of occasions. No, I’m not hoping for a hummer in return for my loyalty –– I just don’t hate her like how other people do. She’s rich and a ditz. She made her fortune with goofy reality shows and made her fame with dirty videos. Although I doubt she can name her Congressional Representative, I’m sure she’s keener than most people think she is. However, I’m not going to say, “OMG she should be set free.” This jail term stems from her driving under the influence, and I only thank God for her sake that nobody was hurt in her recklessness.
8:30 p.m.
This is why I hate applying for jobs.
I get on-line and have to fill out some hippie application. Why in the hell does anyone want to know where I've lived for the past 10 years is beyond me, but I digress. I play this stupid game and spend nearly two hours filling out all this retarded shit. So what happens after I've completed all the forms/questions/etc.? The goddamn form doesn't submit! I should stop here and not mention that I printed out all this information before submitting so I don't have to re-hash all the places I've lived/worked since 1997, but that's not the point. Well, yes it is, considering I'll probably have to re-type all this shit in again.
6:30 p.m.
OK, now this is a bit creepy.
"Jug"?
6 p.m.
• If you’ve watched ESPN anytime in the last few days, chances are you’ve seen
I admit, the “grenade” toss made me laugh.
• I don’t know why anyone would rip on Gary Sheffield. I agree with him wholeheartedly.
If American businesses want to hire illegals because they work hard and don’t bitch, then why should it be any different in baseball? LOL, and Michael Wilbon is defending Gary on PTI just as I’m typing this. Now that’s a shocker.
• Roger Clemens is not pitching tonight due to a sleepy groin, and I heard on the radio today that he will possibly start later this week against the Pirates. Great move, Yankees. Let the Rocket tune up one more time with a minor-league team before facing professional lineups.
Actually, I shouldn’t be too hard on the Pirates. They have the same win total as the Bronx Bombers. Sadly enough, last week a local newspaper ran this story:
7 a.m.
• So Billy Donovan is going back to the University of Florida.
I guess it's better than deciding not wanting to coach professional ball after game number 42 of next year's NBA regular season.
11:45 p.m.
• Every month or so I'll browse my OnDemand free movies just to see what's going on. For some reason the "Movieplex" selections don't always appear in the general "free movies" area, and oftentimes I'll forget it's even there. Today I remembered to check it, and lo' and behold what's on the plate for this month? The first five James Bond films. Tis' going to be a good month, tater.
• Uh, guys...
...you might want to think twice about striking. The space program doesn't have that same "oooh, ahhh" effect on the public as it did 40 years ago. Then again, this is the government we're talking about. Five-hundred percent raises for all.
3:45 p.m.
• Oh Karl Rove, why couldn't you have sped this up a bit? We might still be in charge of Congress otherwise.
I don’t get the big whoop terrorists have with airplanes. Why not strike an electrical grid or mess with out food supply? Believe me, you’d frighten many more people if they can’t use their air conditioner or go out for a Big Mac.
8 p.m.
• This was an article about how we pamper out pets. It’s a long read, so I’m just highlighting all the things I admit to doing. Because I get a limited number of “quote” uses per entry, the article snippets will be in boldface.
Some 56 percent of dog owners and 42 percent of cat owners buy their pets Christmas presents.
*Raises hand.*
I should note that I don’t actually buy the toys, Mrs. kkk does. But I’ll cop to it anyway.
]Pets can listen to their own Internet radio station (Elvis Presley’s “Hound Dog” is one of the more popular songs on DogCatRadio.com), post their pictures and make play dates on dogster.com and catster.com, and earn frequent flier miles on United. They even have cell phones now: PetsCell is a bone-shaped telephone that attaches to your dog’s collar and allows you to ring him up (sorry, incoming calls only). And there’s a new beer for dogs (from Amsterdam, no less), called Kwispelbier, which is Dutch for “waggy tail” brew.
OK, so all I do is post pics of the kids on-line. None of that other stuff.
The recent scare over tainted pet food has made feeding your animal a pricey proposition: I’ve switched Samantha to “holistic” kibble and wet food, hormone-free chicken strips and handmade cookies from a local dog bakery, along with the occasional whole-roasted chicken that we share for dinner.
Well, my three have special food, but Max needs his diet because of urinary problems. The other two get better food than Meow Mix and Friskies, but because this stuff has less filler they don’t eat as much, so I’m sure costs get evened out in the end.
But is all this coddling for our pets, or is it for us? A growing number of animal behaviorists, researchers and trainers think we’ve gone off the deep end, anthropomorphizing and infantilizing our pets to the point that we’ve forgotten an essential biological truth: at the level of basic instinct, Tabby is a wildcat and Fido is a wolf.
Yeah, look at these two.
Wildcats indeed (although I’m sure Dessa wouldn’t mind killing a bird. She’s lunged at a few before when out on the porch.)
Understand this, the experts say, and you will comprehend such mysteries of the universe as why your cat prefers to sharpen its nails on your favorite sofa and your dog insists on rolling in manure after getting a bath. Ignore the call of the wild in your pet, and you not only diminish the quality of its life; you open yourself to all sorts of bad behavior, from the merely annoying (your cat pees on the bed) to the potentially deadly (snarling pit bulls).
Well no shit. I hate people who bitch about their cats scratching furniture. What do you want them to do? Our two couches have been ruined for years. Big deal. That’s what happens when you own cats. Christ, if your kid runs around the house and knock something over you don’t break his legs. If your niece picks up something she shouldn’t have and drops it, you don’t chop off her fingertips. Why should animals be any different?
When it comes to the animals that share our homes and even our beds (63 percent of cat owners and 42 percent of dog owners sleep with their pets, according to the APPMA), we humans tend to have a tough time accepting biological reality.
Our cats, particularly Dessa, sleep with us, but I think she does it to stay away from the other two in the house. Its not like we call her – she just hops up, makes a nest and lays down.
Much of what we consider “bad” behavior is merely a pet’s acting out its basic needs. “People see the cat scratching on their beautiful couch, and they don’t want me to tell them it’s a normal behavior,” says feline behavior consultant Pam Johnson-Bennett, author of the book “Hiss and Tell: True Stories from the Files of a Cat Shrink.” “But you have to realize that scratching is a need a cat has. It’s rooted in their survival.” The trick, then, isn’t to get the cat to stop scratching, but to make it scratch something you don’t value. Johnson-Bennett suggests a scratching post wrapped with sisal or rope—she says the carpeted kind don’t allow the cat to dig its nails in deep enough to be satisfying. She’s also big on “cat trees”: a series of perches that allow felines to climb and leap as they would in the wild.
Doesn’t work. Buy them a $100+ play set to climb on and they’ll sit in the box it came in for weeks on end, not even acknowledging the feline jungle gym in the corner of the room. Years ago the better half built one of these godawful concoctions and NOBODY got near it. That was until we tore it down and suddenly the broken-down pieces became instant hits, much to Mrs. kkk’s chagrin.
Indeed, veterinarians say obesity is the greatest health threat facing America’s pets, with at least a quarter of the population overweight (that compares with a 30 percent obesity rate in American adults). Most pet owners don’t realize that when a pet is the correct weight, you can feel the outline of its ribs. “We’re so used to seeing overweight cats that when we see a healthy one, we think it’s too skinny.”
Eh, my opinion is there are enough starving kitties out there. If my three have a few pleasure pounds, I don’t really care. That’s why they get the special diet.
What can’t be bred out of dogs is the trait that makes them bond so well with humans: the pack instinct. What we call “loyalty” in our dogs may actually be a result of the wolf’s nature as a pack animal: the bonding and sociality that keep a wolf pack together are what drive the domesticated dog to stick with its owner. “The family unit here just happens to be cross-species,” says Samuel Gosling, a psychologist at University of Texas, Austin, who specializes in canine research. The fact that wolves are pack animals and wildcats aren’t may help explain why we perceive dogs as loving and needy, and cats as independent and aloof.
Interesting. I didn’t think about that.
7:30 p.m.
• Fucking asshole.
Whoever pulled that shit should be rounded up and beat to death. I take the Fort Pitt tunnels to and from work, and I also go through the Squirrel Hill tunnels if I'm not picking up the better half from her job. I leave at 3 p.m. so I missed all this action (or lack of action due to the tunnel closings). I can't imagine what the back-ups must have been like.
12 p.m.
• No wonder the Left loves Hugo Chavez. (LOL regarding the Carter Center.)
Once Hitlerly gets elected President, along with a Democrat Congress and Senate, in '08, say goodbye to RIGHT-WING RADIO!
7:45 p.m.
• There is justice in the world.
I consider myself to be a don’t-do-the-crime-if-you-can’t-do-the-time type of person, but with all the shit that has gone down over the past year for these people the least Duke can do is let them re-do a season. Then again, after how the Duke team got thrown under the bus, I’m surprised anyone from that team is still around at that university.
• Best Buy employees, be on alert. There will be retaliation from the reds.
• Awesome. So the U.S. is spreading cancer to Asia. And who says we don’t export anything over there?
• I guess not everybody learned the lesson the XFL provided us earlier this decade.
8:45 a.m.
• And here I thought Anakin's problem was being p-whipped.
11:15 p.m.
• I just saw some special on the History Channel concerning Star Wars. I’m surprised they lasted 90 minutes before talking about the “If you’re not with me then you’re against me” line with a similar phrase a very powerful head of State used back in 2001. However, my WTF moment came at the very end with NANCY PELOSI talking about how we all need to come together, or some other gag-worthy line. I couldn’t clearly hear what she said because I was too busy yelling, “Oh what the fuck is this shit?” Now one can say, “But kkk they also had Newt Gingrich on doing commentary. Yes, however, like him or not, Newt is an historian. Besides, there were plenty of commie commentators *cough*Dan Rather*cough*. Although it was weird to see Steven Colbert acting like his normal self. Actually, I was surprised there weren’t more “Bush=Palpatine” references. Such a pity, considering Palpatine’s my freakin’ hero.
• Regarding the Memorial Day event. It was what it was. And next year I’m steering clear from the hot dogs. I can’t wait to experience the mess they will provide once I shit these lips and assholes out. And regarding Macys: one meat tenderizer, some automatic scrubber thingy and two pillows. The light thingys were not recommended by the cashier, who said her father got them and claimed they were pieces of shit. Now that’s customer service.
10:30 a.m.
• Well today is going to be a real two-fer for me. First I have to head over to the white trash family Memorial Day picnic so I can see what my tax dollars are paying for in regards to the newsest home improvements at my aunt-in-law’s house. Oh why did she have to come to my wedding? If she didn’t, I would have a lifetime excuse for not going to this thing. Last year we played some Bingo-type game, and I spelled out “Help Me” with my chips. If you’ve seen those “Blue Collar” movies, you might remember Foxworthy doing a bit about going to family reunions – well, this is my chance to tell the better half on the way home, “that little one ain’t right.” And it’s true. That little one from the one family isn’t right. And there's another family that attends this function and appears somewhat normal. Well, this past year Mrs. kkk found out that the wife has been cheating on her husband for years and tried to get the matriarch of this sterile Mexican household to take part in a three-some with them. But if this isn’t bad enough (and it's awfully hard to top that visual of a three-way), I have to go to another place I almost hate going to as much as I do family cookouts.
Macy's.
Seriously, who shops at this place; have you seen their prices? I’m the first one to admit I’m a cheap bastard, but stop into your nearest Macy's and decide for yourself if you’d spend any of your money at this place. Why do I have to go here? Two years ago my idiot mother bought some lingerie for the better half as a wedding present. Uh, mom, Mrs. kkk and I have fucked before getting hitched. There’s nothing new there. I’m not a lingerie person. What’s the point? OK, so you’re wearing some naughty silk thingy. Now take it off. Big deal. Well, the better half didn’t want this gift either – she said it had something to do with my mom buying sex-related gifts for her. Works for me. So we went to return it and found out that this stuff cost one hundred twenty dollars!
Anyway, we got the gift card and was informed that we would have until 5/31/07 to use it. Well, 5/31 is quickly approaching and we still have $50-60 left on it. So far this year whenever there has been a sales event (New Year’s, Presidents Day, Easter, etc.) we would include Macy's on our list of stores to visit. Problem is, I’m looking for somewhat decent buys, and Macy's, well, lacks this aspect of shopping – at least for the kkk household. The last time we bought shit at this place, we purchased, all on sale, a quesadilla maker, some pans and this magnet that shows a bunch of measurement conversions. Please note that when I say “on sale” this means “regular price at Target.” So what will be purchased in this last desperate attempt to redeem my idiot mother’s wedding gift from almost two years ago? Well, those Quik Brite LED Lights are on sale for $15 (notice that on Amazon they are $12). That’s a start.
8:45 p.m.
• I actually endorse a person's "right" to die.
Look, if you lived a long life and suffering from terminal cancer and want to exit stage left early a little early, then so be it. Now if you are 30something, "depressed" and want to end it all, then go ahead. It'll save me from having to hear you bitch about how much life sucks.
• So how does one pass through the screening process in order to get into an Aussie gay bar: dress nice, look thin, fuck the bouncer?
12:15 p.m.
• I hope these assholes get caught just so I can hear them and their ACLU lawyers say they were within their First Amendment rights. Hopefully someone will then try to see if putting two in each of thier skulls is within his (or her) Second Amendment rights.
6 p.m.
• 14-10 Pirates. I was right (see 1:30 p.m. entry).
• You may have already
already, but I don't care. I saw it for the first time today.
1:30 p.m.
• So I was flipping in-between the Braves and Reds games this afternoon, and just watched the unfortunate Reds pitcher give up 5 in the first to the Pirates and left the game with runners on first and second base with still NOBODY out. Ouch. Speaking of baseball, my MVP franchise is somewhere in mid-May, and when I played my A and MLB games this past week (both were on the same “day,” according to the calendar) I hit a grand slam in each contest. Never hit one before in any league, so to do so twice was weird. I hear cheering. Guess the Reds got someone out. I just heard Zach Duke is pitching for Shittsburgh. Cincinnati’s still in this one.
8 a.m.
• Uh, checkmate?
But that bad joke isn't the reason I posted this story.
"Tortuing them to death"? Oh boo-hoo you fucking commie.
Perhaps if the condemned wasn't a drug user, then the State could find a worthwhile vein to penetrate. Like I said before, I’m not always a fan of capital punishment, but that’s not because I feel bad for blacks/Latinos/the poor/etc. being given the needle. You can’t take back an completed death penalty. All it takes is one lying witness or DNA test to set someone convicted free. However, if you are filmed robbing a store and shooting the clerk, seen on camera trying to end the life of a police officer that pulled you over for a busted taillight, then you die. No questions asked. No 20,000 appeals. No cell with Internet access. No trying to figure out why you did what you did. You die.
Oh yeah, back to solving the crisis of torturing prisoners to death. You don’t have to spend 20 minutes finding a vein when you put a gun in a person’s mouth.
10 p.m.
• So I get the following subject line in my e-mail inbox.
You know I just have to click on this one. I do and get the following.
I'm guessing the Christian way of getting out of debt does not involve acting in gay pornos.
7 p.m.
• Yeah, shut down your pumps to show up Big Oil. Great idea.
This part I love.
Well, if you can't afford to fill your SUV up with go juice, then maybe you shouldn't have purchased the SUV. If I had a choice to pay $1/gallon or $3/gallon for gas, I'd glady take the former, but I just love all the whining people do when the price of fuel goes up. OMG I CAN'T GO ON VACATION NOW THX A LOT GEORGE W. BUSH. Want to point out that prices will go up due to the cost of gas increasing? I'm with you. But for people that have problems with their budget due to having to pay a few extra dollars per week for gas? You folks had problems way before the annual summer price spike. (For the record, whenever gas goes up by $1, that usually means the kkk household has to pay $10/week at the pump. Yet somehow we manage to go on living.)
5 p.m.
• I finally got around to watching that clip of LeBron James passing the ball to a teammate instead of trying to make the shot. James did the right thing, I don't care what anybody says.
10 a.m.
• It's a shame that a certain movie wasn't released a year or so later than it actually was. If so, and the film was shown in theaters after this story broke, the producers could have used the line, "based on a true story."
8:30 p.m.
• So the fat dyke is mad because the Republican on the show wouldn't defend her blathering?
I care more about making sure all the stool from my browneye is wiped off after taking a crap than I do about anything that goes on the "View," but this is hilarious. Maybe that Hasselbeck chick thinks you are a fucking loon and thus doesn't care what the RIGHT-WING pundits on cable news shows have to say about you. Now I have to go yell at EricMM for not defending me when Jobber of the Week called me a fucking idiot because I said that driving SUVs to the grocery store was great for the environment.
1:30 p.m.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). This guy named Pablo gets on the air with his wife and tells the following story. They went to some event that was work-related and went to a bar afterward with some of his co-workers. His wife can’t find him for an hour, and when she finally sees Pablo, he’s with some chick who gives him a hug and kiss on the cheek. Pablo says this lady is a client of one of his co-workers, and although he has a clear recollection of that night’s events he can’t remember why she hugged/kissed him and what he was doing for that hour when he was M.I.A. He also doesn't understand why his wife, the mother of his kid, is upset. Oh, Pablo.
8:30 a.m.
• And to think the Steelers don't even hire cheeleaders.
7 a.m.
• Uh … OMGWESTCOASTBIAS~?
Don’t care. I know Boston tanked their games at the end to get a better chance at the draft's top pick, so payback’s a bitch (not sure how Memphis, Portland and Seattle played down the home stretch). Who do I take: Oden or Durant. Christ, I don’t know. I don’t watch college basketball unless it’s in late March, I hope everyone that gets drafted makes lots of money. So there.
• I watched the first period of the Wings/Ducks game last night, and wow were there quite a few empty seats, much like there was back in Game 4. I remember a while Bill Plaschke said on Around the Horn that the L.A. Times were no longer assigning someone to a Anaheim Ducks beat, and now I understand why.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 25: Flyboy
I liked the little bugger, in a master-likes-his-slave sort of way. It’s been a while since I chatted with the tyke, but the one thing I will always remember was the time he asked me for help on an assignment. He had to do some weekly hippie “current events” assignment, where, if memory serves, he had to take a current event and compare it to something that happened a while before that. Asking me for schoolwork help – you know a person doesn’t give a shit about his grade when this transpires. After a quick search of the news wires, I told him why not compare the Berlin Wall to the wall that the Jews were building at the time to keep out those pesky Muslims. He liked the idea and went with it – too bad he wasn’t doing an assignment about the U.S. building a wall to keep out Mexicans. Oh, and he likes them white, err, non-black girls, too. Well, except for one, anyway.
3 p.m.
• Swift Terror stole a bit of my thunder regarding some of the media’s comments about LeBron James and his late-game decisions on whether to take the final shot or pass it off to an open teammate. I didn’t watch last night’s Cavs/Pistons game. Well, actually, I turned on the game at halftime, saw the stats, noticed the Cavs were ahead in some key categories like offensive rebounds and points off turnovers and thought “are they in the lead?” I then saw that Cleveland was up by six points. I then watched Detroit score the next seven points at the start of the third quarter and turned off the television.
This morning I had on ESPN’s Mike and Mike on, and the show's skinny Jew was ragging on James for passing it off to other teammates in the game’s final seconds. The first thought that came into my head was Game 6 of the ’93 NBA finals when Jordan dished it off to a wide-open John Paxon for the series-clinching three-pointer (I forgot about Kerr's shot). I haven’t seen the game footage yet from James’ “moment of truth,” but at this time I’m siding with LeBron. If he had taken the shot and missed, or got to the free-throw line and didn’t make both shots, he’d be criticized for A) choking, or B) not passing it to an open teammate. You can make an argument about James not playing better when the game is on the line, but I’m not going to fault him for passing off to teammates who are set and ready to make an open shot.
Even though I listen to Jim Rome’s show and watch his television show (though not on an everyday basis), I had to tune into his third hour and laugh when I heard him defend his take on this subject and include that “well Michael wouldn’t have passed it to Paxon from 23 feet away” and that “Steve Kerr isn’t Donell Marshall.”
• Time for more PETA fun.
You know, I actually agree with PETA on this one. Forget that fact that the article said “Mike (the now deceased tiger) was moved last year into a $3 million home, complete with a bathing pool and waterfall, that offered 15,000 square feet of living space.” I say let the next Mike roam free. Let’s drop him off, at, say, 501 Front Street in Norfolk, Va. Also, let's not feed him before being released, thus allowing Mikey II to experience the thrill of hunting for his food. Then again, exactly how much sustenance can a big kitty get by munching on hippie vegans? Guess that means he’ll have to kill a few more. That’s a shame.
9 a.m.
• Boortz just had a great line regarding Michael Vick and his dog-fighting troubles.
I wonder if the Georgia Dome will be playing "Who Let The Dogs Out" at Falcon home games this year. I'm sure this will be a popular tune on the road. Here's the story if you're not up-to-date on this, or if you don't read Teke's "Vick Updates" at the other place.
10 a.m.
I’m not ragging on Scroby here – lord knows I have my share of low-paying job stories – it’s just his tale of a video game store boss taking advantage of customers made me chuckle.
It’s funny to think what constitutes taking advantage of a client depending on your line of work. The reason I mention this is that my one idiot boss always fucks over our customers – Scroby's post brought to mind of a situation earlier this year was when the idiot tried to get someone to convert to a different annuity so we could extend that person’s surrender charge. Problem was, that annuity didn’t best serve her. She’s older and the annuity that she was in was a better deal for her, so when my co-worker (who is in charge of financial services in name only) stumbled upon the paperwork for this annuity plan transfer, he immediately contacted this person and got her to keep her current annuity plan. This account was well into five figures and she would have been screwed out of at least $500 per year while having to keep her money with us for another six years in order to avoid early withdrawal penalties if she would have went with the idiot's plan, which could have been illegal because it's likely he didn't tell the customer, among other things, about the extended surrender charge, which is a very big "no-no."
9:30 a.m.
• I might not be going the route you may think I’m going with this one.
No, I don't have a Quickie Mart story of my own that's similar. In fact, I tried to minimize my chatting with Lottery People. I didn't give a shit if there was one scratch-off ticket left on a roll or if a new roll was on display. This is what popped in my head upon reading this story: A Quickie Mart-employed single mother with NINE maxed out credit cards plus almost $9,000 in debt for an ASSOCIATE’S DEGREE plays the lottery. (I’m sure this isn’t the first time she’s spent money on government-sanctioned gambling.) Why am I not surprised? I will give her credit. (Well, maybe not “credit” because she’ll max it out within a week – how about “props?) She went with the 20 payments instead of the lump sum, due to her inability to budget money.
9 p.m.
• Well, here comes the invasion.
Oh who the hell am I kidding? They are already here. And these next two sentences from this next snippet make me feel soooo much better.
I expect Democrats to endorse this attack on America, but any Republican which agrees to this deserves to be booted out of office. (And don't even get me started on W.) I wonder what party these Mexicans will register with? Bye-bye, GOP. Then again, I shouldn't be so doom-and-gloom. You think any illegal is going to agree to this?
6 p.m.
• Looks like the Titans are interested in Keyshawn Johnson.
Good for him. Part of me felt bad for him when his replacement was drafted (I have no idea what his name is at this moment) and he had to sit there and go, “Boy I can’t wait to mentor this guy.” I wonder if he knew his Carolina stint was at an end there and was just playing for the camera?
1:30 p.m.
• One of the biggest stories of the NBA Playoffs, besides the Mavs losing in the first round, involves the recent pesudo beanch clearing that took place in Game 4 of the Suns/Spurs series. For those that don't know what happened, here you go:
The Spurs won Game 5 and are now up 3-2 in the series. I've heard several sports people comment on this, and from all perspectives.
"Rules are rules."
"Spurs play dirty. If Bruce Bowen would have been suspended for trying to hurt Stoudemire the Suns wouldn't have been on edge like they were."
I think I'm falling in the "If you don't change the rule, then you must enforce it" group. Over the last decade or so, the NBA has had to deal with bench-clearing fights, and I guess this rule of not leaving the bench is supposed to fight against this. However, when your team's franchise player is rammed into the scorer's table, I would certainly hope his teammates would respond by heading over there rather than just sitting there going, "Ohhh, look at all the pretty lights." It seems like this rule should be subject to interpretation, but from what I read it's not. So oh well. Maybe if Stoudemire hated Nash he wouldn't have cared that he got assaulted. Damn you for giving a shit about your teammates. I am hoping Phoenix wins the next two games, though.
7 a.m.
• So I was watching the TNT halftime show between the Cavs and Nets, and Ernie Johnson's family was in the studio. I guess his son has some sort of condition due to the fact he was wheelchair-bound and all that. No, I'm not going to crack on his kid or make some retard jokes. Instead, I LOL'd when Ernie said that his son's wheelchair was "tricked out" courtesy of some business/person whose name escapes me. Now that's one kick-ass dad...
...except for, of course, giving his son the retard gene.
And I was so close.
