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6/23: Along Came A Disappointing Spider Movie

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kkktookmybabyaway

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6 p.m.

 

• So I finally saw Spiderman 3 last night and honestly… wtf.

 

Spoilers ahead and stuff.

 

Fuck Aunt May for being a goddamn hippie. “Forgive” the person that killed your longtime husband? Bitch please.

 

Fuck that butler guy for waiting all this time before telling Harry that his dad was a fuckup.

 

Fuck Mary Jane for being a jealous bitch. And I'd take JJJ's secretary over anyone from these movies.

 

And I don’t get that Brock Junior guy getting all mopey for getting busted for taking faux pictures. First off, that’s a big no-no. Secondly, making up news to fit a certain template – I’m sure the New York Times would have had him on the phone the moment he got released from the Daily Bugle.

 

What’s this shit about another guy killing Peter’s uncle? And what’s this shit about “I didn’t mean to shoot your uncle”? Oh boo-hoo. You shot an innocent person. He died. You should have gotten the needle years ago you pissant – and I don’t give a shit if your kid is sick. What did you do for her in the end? Just turn into sand and float off, leaving your kid to fend for herself and hope the State can be a better father figure than you could, you lowlife piece of shit.

 

You want to know what the good was? J. Jonah Jameson, although not as good as in previous films. Bruce Campbell got a paycheck. And, I kid you not, was waiting for the line Harry says that’s in Black Lushsus’ avatar over at the other place. I was sitting there halfway through the film wondering what the hell is going on and thinking, “So when is Harry going to be saying, ‘so good’?” I also liked Venom Brock – it’d be nice if he was on-screen for more than five minutes.

 

Oh, here’s another thing that got on my nerves. In the first Spiderman movie when the Green Goblin was being mean on the bridge, everyday New Yorkers came to Spidey’s defense by throwing stuff at the Goblin and saying stuff like “You mess with Spiderman, you mess with New York.” In the second film, those passengers on the subway try to defend Spiderman from Doc Ock. What happens in this film? OMG there’s this big sand guy and black thing holding a chick hostage in a car way up in the air. Let’s all just stand around and do nothing. If the fire fighters can’t at least turn the hose on the sand guy while I’m waiting for my friend-turned-enemy-turned-friend-turned-enemy-turned-friend arrive on his hippie hover board, then I’d be moving to another city that would at least appreciate my efforts – and no, gay parades and keys to the city don’t mean shit when you’re having slabs of construction material hurled at you.

 

One last thing about the sandman. Great concept with the roaring face and all that – I liked it better the first and second time I saw it during the “Mummy” movies.

 

But at least Bruce Campbell got a paycheck.

 

Maybe I’ll better appreciate this movie upon a second viewing or something. My spidey sense is going off on this one, though. Or is that my ears ringing due to the wax removal drops I put in earlier today?

 

11:30 a.m.

 

• Well this can't be good. Earlier this morning the better half and I heard this engine noise from outside. After a while when we got our lazy asses up to see what was going on (my guess was the cable company trimming some trees from phone poles or something like that) we saw an ambulance by our shut-in neighbor's house. And the only thing worse than an ambulance at your house is when the paramedics don't seem to be in any hurry to cart you off. Not sure if the guy died or not (there's a chance he could be getting transported to a nursing home/rehab/etc.), but one of his adult kids was there with his wife and talking on the cell phone. My guess is that he was calling the rest of the family to deliver the news. If that's the case, then peace out, Mr. Auld. Saturdays just won't be the same around here without your family coming over and screaming at the top of their lungs during every play of a Notre Dame football broadcast, and I mean that in a sad way.

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