So I informed my idiot boss back in March that Mrs. kkk was going to leave her job in June, meaning she’d be without health insurance for the few months she was going to be in-between jobs. I wanted her to be put on my workplace insurance plan for just 2-3 months just in case something should happen to her. I was then told to wait until the end of March and he would give me the paperwork I’d have to fill out in order to get her on the health plan. Well, the end of March came, and I informed him of this; March turned into April and I heard nothing back, despite asking him about this every week. In fact, I was scolded one time because I was “annoying” him with this request. By the time mid-May came around I knew this asshole, whose motto in life is “That’s what the last minute is for,” wasn’t going to giving me the proper forms, despite my (at least) weekly reminders. The better half’s last day of work was June 2. On JUNE 7 I get this e-mail from the asshole that read, “Here are forms you asked about a WEEK OR TWO AGO regarding putting your wife on our health plan. Let me know if you still want to do this. Thanks.” It was at this time I decided to treat every work-related request of his with the same respect and diligence he deems worthy of dealing with my family’s health care matters. And it’s been a fun month since.
I may seem to some as being an asshole, and for the most part I am. However, one thing I take seriously is my job duties. I’m one of those queer birds that actually thinks getting work done early is a good thing, and very rarely do I turn in something right at its deadline. However, every since this events I mentioned in the first paragraph, I happily do my work and wait until whatever I’ve done is requested. If I’m told to turn something in right after I create it, I do that; however, this never happens because, hey, that’s what the last minute is for. Before if I would have worked on something, such as a brochure, I would have turned it in a day or so after the request was made, and then it would be put aside for weeks by the idiot until the deadline for this project was a day or so away, which would be when I’d get revisions.
Every three months our organization, which sells insurance and annuity products, sends out quarterly statements to our customers. Now instead of outsourcing the remedial task of stuffing thousands upon thousands of envelopes, all the “staff” has to perform this job. However, I’m actually one of the few people at this place who doesn’t mind doing this. Hell, I’ve performed a lot worse tasks for a lot less pay. I’ll gladly sit in my office, listen to RIGHT-WING RADIO, and stuff envelopes for a day. This past quarterly stuffing, my idiot boss wanted to include a stupid additional insert which informed customers that our annuity rates have increased. Of course this was my job, and after a day or so I came up with some conceptual designs. But rather than immediately put the samples on asshole’s desk, I just kept them on my hard drive and did the 20 other job responsibilities that somehow magically became part of my job description by the Workplace Delegation Fairy. A week or so went by and I was finally asked about the statue of these stupid inserts. Since they were requested, I immediately sent him a sample of the insert he decided upon with the message, “I have had the revisions done for more than a week now; nobody told me what to do with them when I made the revisions, so I just kept them on file until they were requested.”
A few days went by, and the “deadline” the idiot originally set to have these inserts finalized passed. I was then given some “last-second” revisions he wanted done. Apparently, it took almost a week for him to realize that he didn’t like the font size of some words on the insert, among other things, and he sent this revision request to me via e-mail as I was shutting down my office computer and heading out for the weekend, mentioning, “these need changed ASAP.” If anyone has seen the movie “Office Space,” (and I suggest that you do), think of when Bill Lumbergh waits until the end of the workday Friday to ask Peter Gibbons to come in on Saturday to work. I made the changes the next workday, which was Monday. Tuesday came and went, and I then took Wednesday off, which apparently was when the great envelope stuffing drive took place; darn, I missed it. It’d be nice if someone would actually tell me when these events are going to take place rather than just have a thousand or two statements plopped onto my desk. Since I took the day off, I was unaware that those stupid inserts I had mentioned above were not ready to be stuffed since these inserts hadn’t been printed out yet by the idiot, so people spent that Wednesday just folding the statements; not stuffing them. (They had to wait until the inserts were printed, then stuff both the statements and inserts into envelopes; don't ask my why they were told to do this, I have no idea.) So not only did I miss the great “folding expedition of June 2006” I wasn’t part of the “great insert-stuffing orgy of chaos” which took place Thursday and Friday of last week. Although I’m enjoying my new pseudo-passive aggressive behavior, I don’t think I need to do this in order to have my idiot boss fuck up; he seems to do a good enough job of it on his own.
9 a.m.
• So the latest Drudge page had the following headline link: PRO SOCCER TEAM HELPS SUBDUE MAN...
Just from reading the headline I know what happened, but I can't resist this joke. *clears throat*
What, did they play a game in front of the guy and put him to sleep.
Thank you, thank you I'm here all week. Try the tortured baby cow.
• Because my uber-deal with Comcast is running out, I am going to be downgrading my services. Hey, I like having a plethora of HBO/Showtime/etc. channels for a good price, but I don't watch these channels nearly enough to justify paying market value for them. Now I went onto Comcast's web site to look for packages and/or deals because I hate being one of those customers who clog up the phone lines asking a customer service rep. "how much is it if I just get this set of channels?" As I entered in my address and zip code to look for SUPER DEALS IN MY AREA I got the following message: The Comcast Triple Play is not available because Comcast Digital Voice is not yet available in your area. If you would like to find out if Comcast Digital Phone is available in your area, please call 1-800-COMCAST.
Que? I've had Comcast Voice for more than TWO YEARS and had the Triple Play package from 2006-2007.
10 p.m.
• As I was flipping channels this morning, I came across some cartoon that was like Pokemon but only with dinosaurs. Now for a split second I was thinking "Is this what passes for Saturday morning cartoons these days? In my time..."
Then I remembered...
And this is one heck of a way to make breakfast.
KKK’s Top 103 Poste_s
Numbe_ 72: The Th_ead Kille_
I didn’t know much about this guy until he came out of the closet. Is he a homo? I don’t know. Howeve_, he admitted something that’s much b_ave_ than that. He admitted to being a fan of mine. That could get you black-balled in some places. Too bad he’s olde_ than me and not a hot chick whose panties got wet eve_y time I said the magic wo_ds “OMG FAUX NEWS LOL2003/4/5/6!” Maybe he does wea_ panties and get them wet wheneve_ the ph_ase of the day is said, but that’s going down a path I’d _athe_ not t_avel – not that the_e’s anything w_ong with taking that _oad, it’s just that it’s a bit on the bumpy side, and my shocks a_e ve_y sensitive. He also “saved” the othe_ place, so that’s anothe_ plus. I don’t know if he’s an economist, but since he’s Canadian he would only be a f_action of what TSM’s Ame_ican mic_o/mac_o numbe_ c_unche_s a_e. Neve_theless, I’d still like him, but only in a plutonic sense.
And now a wo_d f_om the expe_t panel I have put togethe_ to comment on the people I’ve listed.
F_om Cance_ Ma_ney:
• So W finally decided to exe_cise the powe_ of his veto pen. And he came so close to going two te_ms without using it. Of cou_se, instead of x-ing out one of those bloated budgets he goes against emb_yonic stem-cell _esea_ch. Now I’m p_obably on the w_ong side of this issue, but the_e’s just something c_eepy about this. I can’t explain it, so if anyone wants to go “OMG U P_O-LIFE EXT_EMIST U WANTED CH_ISTOPHE_ _EEVE TO STAY IN THAT WHEELCHAI_” then go _ight ahead. And while Bush’s veto is going to supposedly kill millions upon millions of people, what just got _ejected? A bill pimping adult stem-cell _esea_ch. Why? Acco_ding to the a_ticle:
Yet _epublicans a_e the only ones playing politics with this issue.
• Hey, Bush is doing anothe_ fi_st. He’s going to add_ess the NAACP at thei_ convention fo_ the fi_st time. If a bomb went off at NAACP headqua_te_s I wouldn’t shed a tea_ – fuck that g_oup. What they did to W. du_ing the ’00 election was despicable when they _an an ad that compa_ed him opposing hate c_ime legislation to the (at the time) _ecent d_agging death of a black guy. Fuck these bitches. In the so_ta-wo_ds of black commentato_ Julianne Malveaux when she opined on Justice Thomas (just so I can’t be accused of being _ACIST): “You know, I hope the spouses of NAACP leade_s feed them lots of eggs and butte_ and they dies ea_ly like many black men do, of hea_t disease. Well, that’s how I feel. This is an absolutely _ep_ehensible ‘civil _ights’ g_oup."
• I liked the Cle_ks movie, although I only bought the ult_a-special DVD and not the supe_-10-yea_-you’_e-not-a-_eal-fan-if-you-don’t-buy-this-one edition. I’ve _ecently seen some p_eviews fo_ the sequel, and I wasn’t encou_aged. Well now I’m a bit mo_e optimistic. Still won’t see it in the theate_, though. A su_e-fi_e DVD pu_chase.
• The Ba__y-Bonds-is-getting-indicted talk is getting p_etty heated. I hea_d today that if this we_e to happen because he didn’t pay some hippie taxes, o_ whateve_ the case is, Majo_ League Baseball could suspend him, vi_tually squashing any _emote hope he has at catching Hank Aa_on’s home _un _eco_d. I hope this suspension doesn’t happen. No, I haven’t had a change of hea_t towa_d this asshole. I have my _easons. _eason 1) You a_e always innocent until p_oven guilty in this count_y, [unless you’_e Tom Delay] and he should be allowed to make a living. 2) I don’t want him in any way to become a sympathetic figu_e. 3) You thought the fan _eaction to him in the ea_ly pa_t of this yea_ was funny? Man, it’ll be kicked up a notch o_ th_ee should he get indicted; keep the funny signs coming.
• I’ll tell you what, wheneve_ I find this cocksucke_ I’m going to kick his ass. G__________________.
You may now pelt me with _otten pe_ishables.
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 16: Cerebus
I first met Cerebus a few years back, and he really enjoyed the debate which used to go on in the CE threads. On top of that, he actually knew what he was talking about. Hey, did you know he was a Palestinian Christian? Cerebus was part of the Conservative Brigade, but because he was from Connecticut, where RINOs graze like how the buffalo used to before whitey showed up, he was never given the exclusive VIP membership card. However, he really isn’t like many of the other pansy-ass RINOs in the New England region; he just doesn't care for the Pat Robertsons of the world, and you really can’t blame someone for that. I’m not exactly a Robertson fan, but if he gets enough people to the polls to vote for the same people I do, then he can say God shows his wrath to third-world countries that don’t believe in Christianity through tidal waves, earthquakes and the AIDS. Then again God didn’t create AIDS, the C.I.A. did to wipe out the inner-cities. However, like many government agencies, they fucked up and now homos can’t ride bareback. Thanks a lot, Reagan. You had to go ruin that, too. I don't think I mentioned this yet, but Cerebus is a Palestinian Christian. Sadly, like many people at TSM, he moved on to do stuff in the real world, such as make babies with his hot wife, teach and do other grown-up stuff that I’m still trying to stay away from because I’m only of shell of a true man like Cerebus, who doesn’t mind being responsible and willing to engage in the circle of life. Oh, yeah. I think I heard somewhere that he is a Palestinian Christian.
7:45 p.m.
• Now there's an arrest in a tortise torture case? Good God.
4:45 p.m.
• Yeah, we don't want any of those totalitarion groups in Germany exploiting vulnerable people.
1:30 p.m.
• And now it’s time for the Dr. Laura Call of the Day (or whenever I feel like doing this). It’s not really a call, it’s an e-mail she just read. Someone wrote to say that she was driving down the road and saw a sign that read “Kids Come First Daycare.” Now daycare centers are like concentration camps on this show, so that’s why this e-mail was read. However, the reason I mention this is that there’s a daycare with the same name just down the road from where I live. Now the location of the e-mailer wasn’t said, and I’m sure there’s more than one business in this country with this name. However, Dr. Laura is in the Shittsburgh market. The real kicker to this is that there is a woman’s strip club right next to this daycare center near me.
Wait, I just got the caller of the day. Someone’s in love with some guy and had premarital sex with him. Uh oh. Here we go. “What you’re doing for free other women charge for.” “You’re putting prostitutes out of business.” OK, now that was funny. Why the hell would anyone call this show with a question dealing with out-of-wedlock sex? I lived in sin for six-and-a-half years and could just imagine the bitching I’d get on this show if I called with a similar question. Actually, I am curious about something. Mrs. kkk has a friend who was a bridesmaid at our wedding. Now there’s a chance that this chick could get married to this real piece of work. The better half has told her friend what she things of this guy. If her friend would end up marrying this guy, Mrs. kkk thinks that being a bridesmaid would be an endorsement of this holy union. However, if she would refuse to be a bridesmaid this would probably be the end of the friendship. Personally, I don’t think being a bridesmaid endorses the marriage; it’s just being there for a friend or family member. I could be wrong on this one, but then again I’m a guy and we don’t know shit about this stuff.
7:30 a.m.
• With yesterday's Vick and psycho-leaves-girl-to-gators stories making their rounds around the media, I didn't have the heart to tell the better half about the teens-light-kitten-on-fire tragedy. I figured she would find out about it soon enough. She did. From my work inbox this morning.
Oh this will be a fun ride home today. It's kinda funny, whenever we took in our two stray cats, each time the mother-in-law made a remark that Mrs. kkk is trying to save everything in this world. We're not trying to save the world. Just what comes up to our doorstep. And just as long as it has four legs and a tail. Fuck the human race.
9 p.m.
• So I had O'Reilly on and he was talking about some hot ghetto mess Web site, and he said that this voyeuristic Web site is exploiting the inner city. He then made a side comment about how the ghetto really isn’t a mess and this is making the people of the inner city look bad. Uh, Bill.
8 p.m.
• Let's complete the humans-are-scum trifectia with this gem.
And what is this "alternative theory"?
Riiiiight. Here's the rest of the story. And LOL at the attorney firings. Just think, the one he kept offers the "alternative theory." Perhaps the other fired legal eagles had souls. Then again, probably not.
7:45 p.m.
• What the fuck is wrong with this world?
Christ only knows what happened to the other kittens. And perhaps those who compain about the teenage death not getting as much "attention" should have shown their outrage when it happened. Sad thing is the cat's probably going to die anyway and those little monsters will get counseling when they should be getting a special delivery from the Cancer Fairy.
4:30 p.m.
• As I'm typing JJ is taking a pee in the computer room litterbox. Sometimes I wonder if cats get annoyed if they're trying to do their business when someone else is in the room. I know I like to use stalls when in a public facility. God is that ever a gamble, hoping to find a toilet that's not clogged up with shit.
You know, as much as I think cigarettes are nothing more than a tax on the stupid, when will it end?
The reason I say this is because once there's not enough smokers to pay out these taxes, Big Government will come after some of the stuff I like, such as burgers, fries and soft drinks. Then again, they're already doing this, but the process will be sped up more.
1:30 p.m.
• So the better half and I had ESPN’s Mike and Mike on this morning, and they were talking about the Michael Vick case and how he’s been indicted for dog fighting. Now Mrs. kkk has a real soft spot for animals (you’d figure that out with the three cats we have), and when she heard that dogs in the Vick Manor were (allegedly) electrocuted, hung and shot, among other things, she turned the radio off. I turned it back on the local RIGHT-WING RADIO guy whose co-hosts she HATES, I then said something to her and turned my head and saw her in pre-cry mode, where her lower lip covers up her upper lip and the chin dimples start to show. Believe me, I know this look, seeing how she’s married to me. Anyway, just to be my usual asshole self, I said to her, “Now dear, this is part of their culture.” She shot back with the following remark, “Well it was part of our society’s culture to hang these niggers from a tree like they did those dogs and beat them to death. Maybe we should do that with these fucking assholes!”
Wow.
I couldn’t think of anything else to say but, “Baby, I love you.”
By the way, couldn’t Vick just own a meat processing plant and get his jollies from livestock getting killed? He could still bet money on how long it would take a cow to bleed to death or something.
5:30 p.m.
• So I have a weeklong work trip starting on Sunday and as usual I haven’t even thought of packing. Every time I go somewhere (which isn’t often) I always tell myself “this will be the time when I pack early and don’t run around at the last minute throwing a bunch of shit into luggage.” Who the hell am I fooling?
• I heard about this story on the radio this afternoon.
“I didn’t do nothing.” She’s from Wilkinsburg? Really?
Holy shit is this Google Maps thing scary. Once I get off Rt. 30, this is the next road I take coming into work when the better half and I drive in together. (For some reason Penn Avenue is not showing up on that last link. Click on it and enter "1110 Penn Avenue" before "Wilkinsburg" in the search bar.) Just scroll along NW on Penn Avenue and see the sights of my wonderful commute. Actually, seeing this shithole motivates me like hell to keep up with the bills and stay at my job. Also, when we drive in it's usually around 6:30 in the morning, meaning all the black people are still sleeping off their crack highs. Except for a small group at the "Labor Ready" store. God bless them for wanting to make a living.
• I’ve heard Paul Harvey say a number of things I never thought I’d hear some 100-year old guy reporting the news say. Yesterday was one of those times, what with him starting one story by saying, “Car owners like to pimp up their cars…”
• So Arizona, in hopes of bringing more people to the polls, is putting up for a referendum that if passed, would make one lucky person who bothers to vote a million dollars richer. Oh fuck no. First off, I’ve seen people that play the lottery and will only vote just to get a chance to become a millionaire (or whatever the amount is after the winnings are taxed). Believe me, you don’t want these people voting. Well, then again, considering there are a number of commies reading this blog, you probably do. I’m all about repressing the downtrodden. Let them play Powerball, just stay the hell out of my voting booth. While I hear many ads around election time telling people to “get out and vote,” I’m the exact opposite. If you don’t want to vote, then don’t. Chances are if you’re that lazy and stupid, you’ll probably vote Democrat, so stay home, eat your Cheetos and complain about how The Man is holding you back.
• Having read Bored's entry about the 1986 college football season, I was taken back to that night Penn State beat Miami in the Fiesta Bowl. It was a terrible night for driving in the Shittsburgh area with snow, sleet and ice everywhere. My half-brother, who was in high school at the time, was driving himself and me (a 10-year old kid) back to my old man’s residence when suddenly he hit some ice and slid into a guardrail. There was quite a hefty dent along the passenger side of the Nissan pickup truck, and we were fortunate enough to have a nearby family that heard the crash come out and offer us assistance. After getting over the initial adrenaline rush that accompanies any automobile accident, we were on our way back home. My half-brother was freaking out the entire time because he was so concerned about dad flipping out on him; I was trying to console him by saying he’ll just be glad that nobody got hurt. I then said, “Just take your time, drive safely and get us home. Then you can worry about it.” I was told years later that I was about three seconds away from being tossed out of the truck at that moment. Why do I bring this up? That PSU/Miami game was playing in the house of that family who took us in for a few minutes just to make sure we were OK. You want analysis of that year’s Top 25 ranking based on win-share totals and which teams ate more fiber at their pre-game meals? Go over to Bored’s place and stay there. You want stupid stories that have no meaning to your life outside of the time you wasted to read 500 or so words worth of gibberish? Then I’m glad not to disappoint ... again.
• Oh hell I might as well have some BREAKING NEWS to go with all of this shit. For those that participate in my football contest, I heard from nl-asshole that he probably won't participate this year due to the fact he's a little faggot-ass bitch. So if you were in the league last year and have a team for this year and want to switch over to the Pats, just say dibs. First come first served. And I'll be making an announcement about this year's contest in a few weeks, for those that care.
• Why do I watch this shit? So I had PTI on and Wilbon and LeBa-retard had a segment about Lance Armstrong’s joke at the ESPYs regarding some guy from that Brokeback Mountain movie. I didn’t bother watching the ESPYs because, well, I don’t give a shit about this stupid “awards” show, but they played the Armstrong joke about how it was odd that this actor was sitting in the front because he usually likes it in the rear. Get it? He played a homo. He takes it in the ass. Anyway, the PTI segment was about if this joke was offensive. Wilbon said something that made me laugh more than Armstrong’s joke, which did get a chuckle out of me. Wilbon said the joke was funny and not offensive. LeBa-retard countered with what if the homosexual community is offended by the statement. Wilbon then said that if that was the case then he’ll defer to the homos, but in the meantime he won’t. Hey dipshit, you either think something is offensive or not. If GLAAD or the Buttpluggers of America send out a press release bitching about how Armstrong is a homophobe, you don’t go “Well maybe it was offensive after all.” You either think something is offensive or it isn't. Then again, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised an ESPN talking head is talking out both sides of his ass.
• First a Ravens linebacker gets stabbed. Now a Cowboys safety gets shot. Who would have thought it'd be safer for these people to be out on the football field running into other grown men at full speed than it would be to be out in publc?
• I talked a while back about this house across from me that has been vacant for a while. Well last week we got new neighbors. Last Tuesday I saw them walking out of the house, and since I my mailbox is next to their house (all the block’s mailboxes are on one side of the road) and introduced myself. I offered my assistance if they needed and left. I really don’t care for neighbors. I have no problem with them, but the thing is I’ve learned that there are a lot of people in this world that want to be left alone. Sure I’m one of these anti-social assholes, but only to a point. I mean, I won’t tell my neighbors to fuck off if they say “hi” to me, but on the other hand I’m not one of these people that likes to engage in stupid small talk. Fortunately, this usually keeps most people away from me, but I digress. Jst about anywhere I lived I had to deal with people that wanted to be left alone, which is fine. When I was in Sappy Valley we were surrounded by college students that did their own things, which is to be expected. In Ohio I lived in a townhouse community and we had one neighbor that shared our front porch who we got along great with. The problem was whenever she moved out due to divorce we had two different sets of tenants that were … interesting. The first one was a guy and his teen-age daughter. He smoked nonstop and you could smell the smoke from his place in our downstairs bathroom. His daughter was a piece of work, too. A few times she BLASTED her stereo at all hours of the morning, and you could always hear her screaming and swearing at her old man. These people didn’t last a year before getting evicted. On the other side of me was this single mom with two spazoid kids and a little yapping dog. I remember the names of the two boys and dog: Matthew, Alex and Baby. How do I know this? Because the mom would always yell at them at the top of her lungs. While the better half hated hearing every little skirmish through our walls, I found it funny as hell. Then when her trucker boyfriend came over we usually heard them having sex, which I actually liked listening to. No, not because I’m some perverted voyeur, but rather because the moaning only lasted for about 20 seconds. I’m not going to brag about my performance in the sack because I’m humble like that, but if you’re an adult male getting poon on a regular basis, you need to last longer than half-a-minute. Goddamn.
After moving from Ohio to Pennsylvania, we lived in a duplex with this guy and his girlfriend. The guy was a redneck who was at least two months behind on his rent; I tried getting along with him at first. However, after a short while I just decided, “fuck it” and kept to myself. This place I live at now is good enough for me. I don’t talk to my one set of neighbors with the loudmouth dog, and I get along just fine with the old couple that lives on the other side of my property line. I have no idea how I’ll get along with these new people – from what my old neighbor told me, the husband’s a worker at some half-way house and the wife is a teacher at the local government school. The fact the wife’s a public school teacher tells me there’s probably at least one Democrat in that house; we’ll see when election season comes around and the political signs start getting placed in front yards. I wonder if they will react the same way the previous tenants of that house will should I put a “Rick Santorum,” “Lynn Swann” or “Tim Murphy” (our Republican incumbent Congressman) sign in our yard? (For those that don't remember, these people would always talk to Mrs. kkk, until we put out a "Bush 2004" sign in our yard after they, and a few other neighbors put out Kerry signs.)
9:30 p.m.
• So tonight was Texas Roadhouse night for the kkk household. I can’t remember the last time I went, but damn I love this place. Great food, from the hard-boiled egg bits they put in the salad to that apple-butter stuff for the rolls, to the steak/chicken/pork. And the value is solid, too. Actually, I remember going here after W. got re-elected, and the place was packed with joyous Republicans. Christ only knows what it was like the day after the ’06 elections. I bet Panera Bread, Starbucks and the fag hippie eatery (Amazon café, I think it’s called) by the local mall were filled to the gills with the tofu and kelp flying off the shelves.
• On the way home from work today I saw another bumper sticker worth noting. At first I was going to mention my sight of an Edwards ’08 decal, but then a few miles later my attention turned to this gem. It was a picture of a pistol with that circle/slash symbol with the words “No handguns please.” Oh that’s fucking brilliant. If I was a carjacker I know I’d sure stay away from you. Why don’t you put a sign out on your lawn that reads, “This house is a gun-free zone.” Idiot.
• Man, and I thought those celebrity PSA’s in the States were retarded.
I love that last paragraph. Actually, from what I hear, trafficking is mad crazy down there. Then again, when it’s 11 p.m. and you’re in the mood for some Latina teen poon, Jose is only a phone call away, and the delivery charges are pretty reasonable, especially with the rising gas prices and all.
• But … but… the WWE said there weren’t any roids in Benoit’s body.
• Wow, Smues was right. Alaska sure has its share of fucked up drivers.
So I look around occasionally for a side job or something to supplement my income – besides male prostitution, of course. Hell, I like to look around for something to replace my primary source of income, but I digress. A month or so ago I was browsing through Monster (or was it not-so-Hot Jobs?) when I came across this one ad that didn’t look quite the same as the thousand or so “Do you want to make REAL money now?” ads that are ordered by staffing agencies or those multi-level marketing places. I clicked on the link and basically it was a business that offered “cyber tours” of homes for sale. I was initially suspicious, as I always am when looking at jobs through this medium, but I figured oh what the hell. Although the words “minimal investment” shot off a red flag, it also said that it was part-time and that I can make my own hours. Hey, I work 6:30 a.m. - 3 p.m.; if I got to do this in the mid-afternoon whenever I wanted to during the workweek, I'd be a happy camper.
A week or so later I came home from work and played a message on the answering machine from some guy about this job. I called him back and we started talking. He seemed like a nice enough guy, and I was told that I would be employed on a contract basis, and I’d make $25-40 per each photo shoot. There was some mileage reimbursement, but that was only if the price of a gallon of gasoline went above a certain amount. That didn’t really bother me though, what shot off every red flag in my arsenal though was when talked about the “minimal investment.”
$1800.
I knew this would probably be where I get the rare opportunity to say in a job interview “Don’t call me, I’ll call you,” and sadly it was. As he finished his spiel and explained what the $1800 was for – company-specific camera, laptop, software and other equipment – I began punching up numbers on the handy calculator I had nearby because I knew I was going to use during this conversation. I noted to him that in order to pay off that $1800 “minimal investment” I would have to take pictures of 72 houses for $25 per shot. On the low end, if every house I took pictures of had a $40 bill, I would have to go on 45 different trips. I also said that if I were to go on five “assignments” per week (which is the figure he said I'd average to start out), I would have to work 2-4 months to pay off this “minimal investment.” I also noted that I wasn’t even including the taxes I'd be paying in any of these assessments, or the cost of wear-and-tear on my vehicle. When we wrapped this phone interview up, I was “offered” this job, but like I said before, I got to be on the giving end of this rejection offer, which is a nice feeling considering all the times in the past I have been given the old, “Your resume is very impressive, but you suck and we found someone else to do the job we advertised for in the newspaper, but we'll keep your resume 'on file' just so you can get out of our lives forever and leave us alone” rejection letter. So for that feeling alone, the whole experience was worthwhile.
7:30 p.m.
• So the better half is on vacation this week and next, and she decided to do the “family” thing this week. And by “family” I mean deal with all the bitching and yelling going on with her mother and nieces/nephews. I shouldn’t be too quick to point out the lunacy of having “family fun time” when in most instances it involves crying, screaming and temper tantrums. The major culprit in all this is the 21-year-old out-of-control knocked-up niece-in-law. And of course, Mrs. kkk’s mother, despite all the bitching she does about this particular black sheep of the family, does everything in her power to cater to the crack-whore. At the amusement park earlier this week the out-of-control niece-in-law was telling the better half about how her boyfriend wants to videotape her blowing some other guy. She was saying this, mind you, with the 11-year-old nephew and 9-year-old niece in the same car. Then before a trip to the zoo the niece-in-law held everyone else up from leaving by several hours because she wasn’t “ready.” When she finally was she slept for half the day. Another time the niece-in-law was trying to cook dinner for everyone and was running at least an hour behind before Mrs. kkk left her mother’s house. Where was I going with all this? Oh, yeah.
During the aforementioned zoo trip, the 11-year-old nephew wanted to buy a gift for his parents. (I’m telling this kid ain’t right). His 9-year-old sister then decided to as well. The nephew saved $20 from the money he made cutting grass this summer. The niece? Well, she makes $3 a day watching some dog. How much has the niece saved up for this purchase? You guessed it: $3.
The niece then said to her brother that they should pull their resources together. The nephew said “no” and added that “she should have saved her money up” like he did. This caused the niece to begin throwing a fit, which prompted my mother-in-law to feel guilty and ask Mrs. kkk if they should give the niece money to buy her parents a gift. The better half said “no” because that would make the nephew’s saving money this summer go to waste. I’m impressed; some of my Jew logic has rubbed off. Why am I saying all this? Because I just found out who the Democrat and Republican will be when it comes to my 11-year-old nephew and 9-year-old niece.
Wait a second. No it doesn’t. Damn you Republicans – why did you have to double the federal budget and rack up trillions more in debt? It’s getting harder and harder to make these types of comparisons.
Hey, look…
KITTIES!
You know, I can’t remember what I have posted and what I haven’t posted. This was one of Max when we first took him in as a stray. The other two didn’t warm up to him all that much. I knew Dessa would hate him right off the bat (and continue to do so), as you can see from above, but JJ surprised me a bit.
For a month or two JJ wouldn't even look in his direction, and he even hissed at him once or twice. (If JJ hisses, you know something is up.) There was really nothing Max could do, even though he tried to get along. It was sad seeing him in a submissive role and still getting hissed at, swatted and chased around the house. However, my thinking was that the three of them would sort it out and that whatever treatment he got in our house was a hundred times better than fending for himself out in the freezing cold. It took him six months for JJ to get used to Max. And by “used to” I mean roll around with him on the floor in a wrestle-like fashion. Well, I wouldn’t exactly call it wrestling. JJ will plop on the floor, Max will jump on top of him and after about 5 seconds JJ will get up and run away. Whatever. In their world I’m sure it means something.
kkk's Top 103 Posters
Number 17: Wildbomb 4:20
Some of you may not remember this guy, but I sure do. When Mr. Bomb first came on the scene, he actually tried to make valid, thought-out arguments. Peep this post regarding media bias.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, here’s another post of his in the SAME THREAD talking about the economy.
Please note he’s not copying and pasting material someone else already wrote. This is all original thought. And you expect me to actually read all this? And what was my response to him after skimming through the latter post?
When another poster questioned why I just “refer to the very end of (the post), ignoring the meat of the information,” I had to remind him that I generally don’t read anything longer than two sentences (or three syllables) at this place. Besides, if I spent the time actually reading long, thought-out posts, you wouldn’t get such hilarity like what I posted at thread's end.
Sadly, poor Wildbomb still gave it that old $120,000 college try by attempting to generate serious discussion, but he would usually came up short. However, because we were both in the communications field, we shot the shit quite a bit via PMs, and there were actually a few threads where there was somewhat decent banter. And what did many of these threads have in common? Wildbomb wasn’t going on 500+ word posts about how much he owes in school loans. Let this be a lesson to all aspiring TSM posters – nobody wants to read all that shit. Nobody cares. If you’re going to post something long, make it be from someone else and just bold selected text to make it appear like you actually read the whole thing while hoping there’s nothing contradictory that could shoot your premise down. Wildbomb finally caught on and realized that nobody at this place is going to significantly change his or her opinions because some faceless message board poster said something smart. I have no idea what he’s been up to in the last few years, but for his sake I hope he’s paying down that $60+k in school loans. The fact he doesn’t post much, if at all, anymore is certainly a good sign.
Ha. I just goofed on Wildbomb for making long posts and I’m already at the 1400+ word mark with this entry. Well, most of this text is from, surprise, other people’s posts. Besides, this is a blog, not some hippie thread. You EXPECT this kind of deep thought in these personal journals. Well, what you expect and what you get are two different things. And I got some bad news…
…HERE COMES THE HIT SQUAD!
It's PMD up in the sector
I wreck the microphonin
I'm quick to pull a Tek
and snap that neck
and leave ya moanin
Kid I'm zoning
it's on
and I'm back up on the block
(Aiyo, we represent the sewer!)
Son, I represent the dock
(dock)
Plus I knock
(what?)
niggas out the box quickly
Kid I'm strictly motherfuckin business
so get wit me
Yo Scratch hit me
so I can do my thing and blow the spot
Here’s some more bad news – this entry ain’t getting much better.
9 p.m.
• So when cats sleep, you can tell if they’re dreaming by their paws twitching. Once in a while one of our three might give a little chirp when snoozing; God knows what they’re thinking about. However, last night when Max was sleeping on the recliner he began meowing – loudly. At first I thought I was on his tail or something, but I wasn’t. He let out a few more meows and continued his slumber. Guess it was a nightmare or something. I know it couldn’t have been an imaginary girlfriend because he’s fixed. Then again, maybe he was pissed that nothing was going on down there in dreamland.
• So I was driving home through the hood today, and what was in front of me? This hippie van-thingy in front of me that was spewing so much exhaust I had to wind up the windows and turn on the air conditioner. And what kind of bumper sticker was on it? The kind that said, “Act Green” then something about how the earth appreciates it. Oh if Mrs. kkk only got me a camera phone. Oh who am I kidding? No way in hell I’d be able to figure it out. Damn kids and their fancy text messages. Actually, I think the whole point of texting is stupid because all people seem to say is…
“how r u”
“good u”
“good lol”
“where r u”
“work ”
" "
“lol”
“lol”
“cu l8r”
“cu”
And there’s $50 right there.
By this time I think I was at around Page 4 when filling out the PC's electronic form.
Disagree.
AHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHA. Oh, wait. They were serious with this question.
Agree.
They shouldn’t, but they do. And there are politicians out there who have no qualms with pandering to these leeches.
Disagree.
I don’t know how to answer this one. It might be good for you not to obsess over it every waking minute of your life, but to pretend it doesn’t exist? I’ll have to go with “Disagree” on this one.
Disagree.
Interesting. I think there are plenty of language, cultural and social barriers to prevent a large number of first-generation immigrants from being fully integrated, but I don’t think it would be impossible. Besides, what is “fully” integrated mean anyway? Just speak English and you should be fine. OMG what a RACIST thing to say.
Disagree.
You mean amassing debt in the case for future growth/gains? No thank you. And get that “always” out of there while you’re at it.
Agree.
Well, if it’s a state-run broadcast then naturally it’ll receive public funding. However, if you’re talking about PBS or NPR, then get those bitches off sucking my teet. And just who determines if a broadcasting institution is “independent”? Bill Moyers?
Disagree.
Now if W. ever meets me and says, “How was that extra cheese pizza you ordered from Luigi’s the other night?” I might change my answer.
Agree.
Well you do get things done quicker – like baking Jews.
Agree.
If you want to secretly videotape me taking a crap, I would like to have it back eventually so I can sell it on the internet and make some money; I hear there are some niche markets for this sort of thing. I might consider being worried by other private parties spying on me, but the word “official” tells me that this is about W. spying on you. While I’m on this subject, for all those people not named Mohammad that are bitching the government has got its eyes on you; you ought to be thrilled that these people find you important and noteworthy enough to set up cameras within your residence.
Agree.
If you are caught on one of these official surveillance cameras killing someone in cold blood, you should die minutes after the jury finds you guilty.
Developing...
8 p.m.
• Nothing all that exciting to report. The alleged baby's daddy of my out-of-control niece-in-law is probably going to get kicked out of his house. Damn Bush economy. I bet W. made him rack up those credit card bills, too.
• Go away, Brett Favre.
I haven't followed this story all that much, but there comes a time when a team has to look out for its future. These off-season "Will I or won't I return?" games have to eventually stop. And why the hell would the Packers let him go to a divisional opponent?
• Speaking of football, kkk Bowl VI will be announced sometime during the NFL preseason. I was seriously thinking of not holding this contest anymore, especially since I probably wouldn't have been able to update the standings each week. Thankfully, I'll be getting some help from the mods (or at least that's what I'm being told).
• Last week in the USA Weekend special insert found in many Sunday newspapers, there was an interesting story about why cats don't get treated better than dogs despite more people owning felines than canines.
Now I'm sure I don't need to bring up my affection for kitties, but I have no problem with dogs being higher up on the social ladder than cats. One reason cats are more often abandoned is that, like the author said, more people have cats than dogs. And because dogs are more in tune to a "pack" mentality, they would often be more devoted to their owners than cats. And regarding vet care, dogs should get better treatment. You don't see a K-9 kitty lunging after a robbery suspect. You don't see cats herding livestock. All a cat is really good for is killing rodents.
But in case you are thinking I have lost my kitty-loving ways, here's some more pics of the family.
5 p.m.
So the better half just called and told me I got a cell phone. Like anyone calls me on the landline. Now she'll be bitching about me never having it on, losing it or having it fall apart. Joy.
4:30 p.m.
• Just a note for all kkk Bowl participants: I should be making an announcement in the Sports thread late this month/early August. If you had a team last year, you’ll get first dibs at it again. I’m about halfway done with the score sheets and I might get motivated enough to finish it off today.
• Pity, really. I wish they would have paid an extra $6 million for covering up the action of perv priests.
Makes me wonder how many of these lawsuits are legit and how many are bullshit. Also makes me wonder why I didn't jump on the cash-wagon when I had the chance. That's right, Mrs. kkk is a Catholic. I'm a confirmed Lutheran. Drat.
• Saw the original Rollerball for the first time last night. Eh. I didn’t really like the whole “corporations take over the world” bit because I think a one-world government would have been a better fit. After all, I thought Big Corporation wanted wars, poverty and all that other good stuff. But despite my nit-pickery, it’s still a better movie than that crap which came out a few years ago under the same name.
• This made me laugh. A New York City Councilman wants to prevent fast-food restaurants from sprouting up in “obesity hotspots.” Here is my favorite passage from the editorial:
Of course, this “For-your-own-good” Big Brother mentality is perfect for Rivera’s Democrat constituency of the fat, lazy and stupid.
• So Shannon Doherty is doing a “how to break up” show on that Oxygen channel. Like she wasn’t able to show us how to call it quits to something when it came to her acting career by leaving early from shows she starred in. I actually like Shannon; you can just see the bitchiness ooze out of her, and while I’ve learned over the years to stay away from psycho bitches that get all crazy and shit, Shannon and her psychotic rages strangely do it for me.
• A while back I asked who will be blamed for a government shut-down when a Democrat Governor and a Democrat Legislature are the ones closing down casinos and the ocean? Apparently, you blame the Congress, although I’d be more partial to blaming the voters for electing Democrats, but that’s just me.
• Speaking of surveys, it doesn’t look good for the Republicans this upcoming election season. I must admit that I normally don’t pay much attention to polls because they are nothing more than just welfare/jobs programs for political-science majors and ex-politicians on cable television news channels. I sure as hell wouldn't want Democrats in power, although I probably wouldn’t mind having them with a slim majority in one of the Congress branches. In fact, this might be a good thing. That way both parties will fight, bitch and get nothing done, which is fine by me; the danger comes when politicians actually think a problem needs solving and they end up fucking us over even more. The problem for me is this, however: do I really want to hear “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi”? Fuck no. I guess I’d have to go with a Slight Democrat majority in the Senate. After all, with all the RINOS up there now it’s like the Dems are in control anyway. Then again, it would be funny to see the Democrats' reaction the day after Election Night should they not pick up any seats. Yeah, W. is a moron/Hitler/sucks/etc., but what does that make the Party which can't take advantage of all this voter discontent?
• I just got done playing year one of my NHL 2006 Dynasty, and I ended up being the third seed in the Eastern Conference with the Pens. I traded a bunch of people, kept Mario and cut a bunch of scrubs. I have to say that the intro into the postseason play was a pleasant surprise. Loved the “We want the Cup” chants. I don’t know the difficulty got automatically increased, but this game was much harder to play than I many contests I had during the regular season with similarly talented opponents. Oh, I’m also up 1 game to none against the Boston Bruins thanks to a 4-2 win (one goal was an empty-netter, so the game was much closer than the score would indicate).
• Might as well continue this thing. For those that haven’t been following, catch your hippie ass up.
Disagree.
Get your ass to school. If you hate going there so much, just wait. You’ll have the rest of your life to hang out on the curb and not do shit with yourself.
Agree.
If by “different sorts” you mean drug users and shit. Sure, let them hang out together. I sure as hell don’t want them living next to me.
Agree.
Bad parents can do this too. Hell, my old man used to have this wooden plank with a nail through it and whenever it was time for me to get an ass-whooping (like the one time I didn't want to wear the ugly, scratchy socks he picked out for me for my kindergarten class), he’d make me think the nail was going to strike me. He’d flip his write and I’d get the other side, but I never knew this as a kid. Look how great I turned out.
Agree.
I did. Now I’m hoping these secrets are along the line of “When I was 6 I showed Suzy from down the street my winky and she showed me her boobies,” rather than, “Why did Fr. Jim stuff himself into my poop-hole?”
Disagree.
I don’t really care one way or the other, but if you want to fuck yourself up there are plenty of other, more legal, ways to do so. Right now this shit is illegal now so all you potheads quit bitching if you can’t pay the price when you get busted by the po-pos.
Agree.
I also include in the whole “finding jobs” category a well-rounded education. However, I remember in college being pissed off when I had to waste money on classes that I wouldn’t have been in had they not be required elective, so I’d be disingenuous now if I answered “disagree.”
Agree.
Call me Adolph.
Disagree.
The fuck if I know. I’ll say no with this because I think preventing yourself from getting in positions to accept discipline would be better.
Developing...
4:30 p.m.
• This has been a somewhat-big story in my neck of the woods. This just goes to show that if some drunk driver plows into you, and your car can still run after the collision, run over the sonofabitch and killer the fucker if you have the chance. Taking a wrench to the lush's head a few times will work, too, if your car is unable to drive.
3:30 p.m.
• So the better half was reading her church’s weekly newsletter-thing and said that they’re looking for some guest family (or whatever they’re called) for some South Korean exchange student. (Sorry, Vyce, this one’s 16.) After I got my “Don’t even think about it unless you don’t want to see our cats again” remark out of the way, I had to comment that it’s amazing for someone that young to travel half-way across the world and spend a year with people you don’t know. Shit, I’m lucky to leave the house during the weekend.
• This past week had a date titled 7-11 and Friday the 13th. Weird.
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 73: Dr. Venkman
I don’t talk to him that much, if at all, because he seems to be one of those wrasslin’ fans and frequents folders I normally don’t, but from what I read of him he seems sensible enough. Besides, he has a good Avatar and named after a kick-ass movie character. So here’s a tip of the hat to the V-man.
And now a word from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Black Lushus:
• I thought I was done with this topic, but the kicks just keep on coming. Apparently, the reason Zidaine head-butted that Italian player was because he was calling the Frenchie a “dirty terrorist” and said some mean things about his mom. A "dirty terrorist" – them’s some fighting words, which says quite a bit for a Frenchman. I also heard Zidaine’s mom has gotten into the fray, but what I find hilarious is that the Iran also applauds Zidaine’s actions; and he didn’t even have to blow himself up. According to this article “The head of Iran’s external relations committee has sent a letter to Zidane congratulating him for his ‘logical’ reaction and "timely" defense against an alleged insult to his ‘human and Islamic’ identity.’” With the Iranians in your corner how can one not feel encouraged?
• Another topic I’ve talked about the last few days is the 2006 All-Star Game. Now there’s talk about Latino groups wanting Major League Baseball to retire Roberto Clemente’s jersey for every team, just like the case with Jackie Robinson’s #42. Personally, I don’t like the idea of either number getting league-wide treatment. Yeah, I know OMG RACISM~! I’m not going to grumble about Robinson’s jersey being retired by every team; but I would rather just have the team who faced the bigotry get the notoriety . But that’s just me, though.
• Speaking of MLB, Bud Selig is now talking about keeping pitchers slated for the All-Star game from pitching the Sunday before this exhibition game “that counts.” If Bud wants the MLB’s best arms for this game, then let teams take a week off before and after this stupid game.
• While typing this I’m listening on the radio to the CEO of the Pennsylvania Turnpike defending turnpike toll-collectors, saying it’s a “hard job.” N*gga plz. Oh, this is a great quote. “We trained them to say ‘thank you’ and ‘good morning.’" For $18/hour plus benefits just to collect change you need special training to say “have a nice day”? God I love this state. And the kicker is that a year or so ago these people went on STRIKE.
• Why is it that if a young black male gets busted giving crack to hookers in exchange for sexual favors we want to lock him up, but if some 80-year-old does it our first thought is “’atta boy”? This is of course after the initial gagging of picturing a senior citizen with a hard-on. Oh, and guess where this took place? God I love this town.
• UPDATE: This can't wait until tomorrow. LOL.
She's probably going after Cheney because he's rich and stuff. He used to work at Halliburton, you know.
• I didn't watch the MLB All-Star game, but I did hear that there was a tribute to Roberto Clemente, who is deemed by many here, and outside of Shittsburgh, to be the greatest Pirate ever to wear the black and gold. I tend to agree with this, even though I wasn't born during his playing days. While it's true that this city likes to live in the past, this is one instance where previous events shouldn't be forgotten. This got me thinking of which athletes are the "faces" of Shittsburgh's other two major-league teams: The Steelers and Penguins. The latter is easy; hands down it's Mario Lemieux. The Steelers was a bit tougher. You had a number of great players from the 1970s -- Joe Greene, Terry Bradshaw, Jack Lambert -- and even some superstars of the recent past and present -- Jerome Bettis, Ben Roethlisberger. However, the most beloved face of this team wasn't someone on the field, it was in the front office. I was only a kid when Art Rooney, the founding father of this team, passed away, but he was by far the "Chief" of the Steelers. I remember this team having some bad seasons during my youth, but it's impossible to imagine the Steelers not being competitive for 40 years (sure there was a winning season or two sprinkled in throughout, but for the most part Rooney was known as one of the league's "loveable losers"), which they were before their Super Bowl run of the '70s. To put this in perspective, the Pirates haven't had a winning season since '93. To match the Steelers dry spell, they'd have to keep losing until the 2030s, which I'm sure is an achievable goal. What's also scary about this realization is that I'll be in my 50s when the Pirates finally go on their four-titles-in-six years run. God only knows what the Yankees' payroll will be at this time.
• Since I talked about prisoners suing over minimum wage yesterday, I found this funny. Well actually I found it pathetic, but then I couldn't be all clever and shit by repeating the same line from yesterday.
Not being allowed to read a National Geographic magazine while serving a life sentence for murder is a "civil right"? More proof that my theory of "kill them if you have a chance before the police come to arrest the person breaking into your house and threatening harm to you or your family," should be applied whenever possible.
• I'm hearing that Danica Patrick it considering jumping to NASCAR. Don't care. More power to her, I guess. However, there is one thing that concerns me about this move. NASCAR already has the one token driver that the media like to champion; what's going to happen to my dawg Bill Lester, who's the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS if Danica takes the spotlight? Oh woe is the reporter who has to decide what to mention first in his or her NASCAR-related article -- the FIRST BLACK DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS SINCE WILLY T. RIBBS or the FIRST WOMAN DRIVER TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN ? YEARS SINCE *insert name here if one exists.*
kkk’s Top 103 Posters
Number 18: Bravesfan
There’s not much to say about Bravesfan. Hell, I didn’t even bother doing some fancy intro or anything. I’ve known him for a while at this place. Years back he had some pick 'em football contest and I think it eventually drove him mad. He’s lived in Hawaii, moved to the Northwest to attend college, and that’s when I stopped keeping score. He still posts under some hippie name, but he’ll always be Bravesfan to me. God, this was a lame entry. Oh well, I still put more effort into it than he did with his most recent foray into the kkk Bowl postseason.
8:30 p.m.
• Well no shit.
Come on, illegals, invade this country. And bring a few towelheads with you. All I ask is that you blow shit up in San Fran, Berkley and Greenwich Village. Oh, and State College, too. Fuck that place.
• And this goddamn chat link at the top of the page is already getting on my nerves. I've mistakenly clicked on in four times today already.
• I might vote for Mike Huckabee in the Republican primary for thisquote alone.
Sadly, with the way Republicans have been acting, voting for someone because they made a Mikey Moore fat joke actually does seem like a good reason.
6 p.m.
• So I just took 20 minutes off of my life by going to Burger King. Hell, it's no worse than the two hours I lost due to some fagtard getting into an accident on the Parkway East this afternoon. Anyway, I tried one of their new Oreo shake things. It was there, but what gave me a hard-on was the straw it came with. Yes, the straw. Seriously, this thing is f'n HUGE. You don't have to worry about sucking on some plastic hole for 20 minutes in the hopes of getting some dairy delight. This bitch will suck up Oreo chunks like it's no problem. That's all I got.
7 a.m.
• A while back I mentioned the 1997 Pirates team that captured the heart of the city by hanging out at the top of the NL Central for most of the summer. Problem was, this was a sub-.500 team that got knocked off by a much better Astros team that decided to show up late in the season. I always found it funny that this "freak show," as it was dubbed by the Shittsburgh faithful was the most exciting time for baseball in the region since 1992. How sad is that?
Well, here's what's even sadder. The local media is doing a four-part series on this magical summer of '97. I linked the last in this series, and I'm not posting any of this shit. Go find it and read it yourself.
• Oh, no. My state's climate could be more like Alabama's if we don't get our emissions under control.
So says the UNION OF CONCERNED SCIENTISTS. Who comes up these names? I want to hear the report from the Right-to-Work State of Don't-Give-a-Fuck Scientists.
• Speaking of commie institutions, here's another one.
Bilked? Here's a wild thought. Maybe if the customers had the money in their accounts they wouldn't be subject to overdraft fees and all that other shit. Jesus Christ, what is so hard about having a little cash cushion in your bank account?
If you don't have enough money to cover a 50-cent candy bar, then you shouldn't be using your debit card in the first place. Actually, I have a funny story regarding this subject. When I was 16, I was at the mall and bought the Geto Boys' "Til' Death Do Us Part." After buying this album, I wanted a Wendy's Jr. Cheeseburger from the food court. I needed to take some money out of the ATM. I couldn't. There wasn't enough in my account to make the minimum $10 cash withdrawl. It was right then that I said to myself, "WTF, I don't even have enough for a 99-cent cheeseburger?!" (Actually, I had $8-9, but you get the point.) From that moment I've been the kkk-stein you've all know and love. Of course, if I had a debit card and used that, my 99-cent cheeseburger could have costed $30 with the draft fees, but let's just say I still would have learned my lesson. And besides, I was 16 at the time, and that is the best time to learn these financial survival skills –– not when you're an adult living on your own or trying to raise a family.
I still have that Geto Boys tape, and "Bring it On" still ownz all ur azzes.
8:30 p.m.
• Now what can go wrong with this?
• How about awarding people money and they buy the gas themselves?
Oh, wait, we're talking about lottery people. Christ, the same people spending $50 per day in lottery tickets will be the biggest complainers at the pump.
•
• A while back I talked about Shittsburgh’s newest mayor Bob O’Connor. Even though the guy’s a Democrat, I like him (for now). After all, when it comes to urban areas, you take what you can get, and O’Connor seems like a genuinely good guy. Well, he was just diagnosed with cancer, but is expected to pull through. Get well, Bob, because God knows the city needs you, especially since Shittsburgh’s Shity Council just “signed on” to the Kyoto Treaty. Like I’ve said before, thank Christ I don’t live in this city or the county encompassing this shithole.
• Linebacker Roderick Green of the Baltimore Ravens just got stabbed at a bowling alley. I’m not going to goof on this guy because from what I heard on the radio, he did everything right in this situation by trying to avoid this confrontation. However, I have to wonder if a certain Ravens linebacker is starting to get worried about his spot being taken and is out to shank the competition?
• An apparent terrorist attack stuck India today and so far 130+ have been reported dead. I have to wonder if there’s any coincidence that this attack took place on 7/11, which is national convenience store workers day? While I’m at it, what’s up with terrorists and 11s? You have 9/11. You have 7/11. You have Spain’s bombing, which took place on 3/11. You had last year’s bombing in England, which although didn’t take place on the 11th day of the month, has a close enough sounding date (7/7). Is planning massive acts of terror on an “-even” day one of the few things in this world that actually pleases Allah?
• Since I talked about minimum wage yesterday, I found this funny. It’s only a matter of time before some red diaper doper baby judge not only rules that inmates be paid not a minimum wage but rather that hippie “living wage.” Of course, they’d also still get free health care, meals, housing and anal sex.
• Phil Garner said in a recent interview that he understands firsthand how important having home-field advantage is in the World Series. Uh, Phil, your Astros got swept by the White Sox last year – would you rather have lost the fourth game in Chicago rather than Houston?
• Over the years Major League Baseball has done some things I liked (doubling the amount of postseason entrants) and some things I didn’t care for (inter-league play during the regular season). However, the dumbest thing has to be this “winning league gets home field advantage,” after all, because THIS (exhibition) GAME COUNTS. If we’re going to include this meaningless contest into how the league handles it’s postseason, then how about giving AL/NLCS home-field advantage to the team with the better spring training league? After all, we want our baseball players to be playing like they mean it in the Cactus League.
• So Hollywood is engaging on some stupid “rolling hunger strike.” Typical stupid limousine liberal crap. However, I was curious to see if Mikey Moore was part of this protest. I headed over to his Web site (OK, OK, here’s the "real" one), and he had a link showing everyone who has signed up to be an Ethiopian for a day. Now while Mikey is pimping this Left-wing form of protest du jour he isn’t actually on the non-eating list. I'll leave the rest up to you.
10 p.m.
• So lovecraft is talking about hippie songs he likes and shit over at his blog. For some reason this gave me the urge to pop in an oldie but goldie -- Body Count's first album. You know, the one with "Cop Killer." Actually, I never really cared for that song when there's much better content on this album. Take for example the genius of these lyrics.
Not quite the same as listening to the actual album, but it's more than what I was expecting from You Tube. I think. OK, I just heard the break between the first and second verses. Forget what I said in the first sentence. My ears, bitch! Now I'm actually watching the video. The hell?
9:45 p.m.
• Forget declining memory and reasoning abilities -- how about old people just get grumpier as time goes along? I should know.
Say, that reminds me. Why don't blacks want their kids marrying Mexicans? Because they don't want their grandchildren too lazy to steal. Who says I don't understand humor comprehension?
5:15 p.m.
• So I just saw my first movie trailer for that Underdog movie. And the sad thing is this will probably make money.
3 p.m.
• Yeah, I know I’m a loser. I don’t care.
So I made some notable changes to my teams in MVP 2005. Well, I didn’t do much with the Pirates, because, well, how can you tweak utter perfection? My A, AA and AAA teams did get some face-lifts. Single-A position players with much better stats than their AAA counterparts moved up while others moved down, and over the last few days I had some interesting contests.
MLB: Edged the Rockies 1-0 thanks to a solo home run. Thank God Colorado can’t hit left-handers in this game.
AA: Was down 7-0 by the second inning, even though I had one of my best starters pitching. To make matters worse, those bastards then switched from a southpaw to a right-handed pitcher, thus screwing up my lineup, which had a few players who couldn’t hit worth shit against righties. Thanks to a five-run ninth, I rallied and won 9-8. Because I called up several players, I needed a right fielder and signed one via free agency. This guy went 3-4 in this game with 4 RBI.
A: This team was a regular mash-fest, which is why I called up several players to AA and AAA teams. I had some trouble scoring early on, but I managed to tie this contest and we went into extra innings – eight of them to be exact. And the funny thing is, my worst relief pitcher threw five scoreless innings.
I’ll probably play my AAA team sometime this week. God only knows what’s going to happen with this bunch.
• I sure can’t wait to see how I got fucked over with this new budget deal.
Crap. That's never a good sign whenever both sides claim victory.
So Fast Eddie is probably going to spend more on stupid shit, and he’s not raising taxes … yet. That’s not a victory you Republican shitheads. You know what this reminds me of? Years ago a group of us were trick-or-treating, and these kids came up to one in our group and surrounded him demanding candy. Much like animals in the wild, we cut our losses with the weak link and moved on. A few houses later, we were approached by the kid we abandoned, and he said to us, “I showed them. They each wanted five candy from me and I only gave them three.” Yeah, you showed them.
Good job Republicans. You state pols are just as bad as the Democrats. Then again, fuck the constituents. They deserve to get screwed. Oh, and listen to this furloughed worker.
You were off for a DAY! And I read in the local paper about someone bitching about this because many state workers live paycheck to paycheck. Well whose fucking fault is that?
KKK’s Top 103 Posters
Number 74: Buffybeast
She loves her hosses and hates black people. While I may not understand her infatuation with hairy beasts like Albert, I certainly can’t argue with the latter, especially since she is of the same race as those she despises most. On top of all this she serves her country, which is always to be commended. However, when hearing that she wants to bang rednecks and Commanding Officers, one has to wonder if she’s in the armed forces for her sense of duty or wanting to get white boys to stand “at attention” when they are lying down? I guess it doesn't matter in the end as long as she doesn’t get caught. I say don't ask don't tell, even if you aren't a homo.
And now a word or three from the expert panel I have put together to comment on the people I’ve listed.
From Cancer Marney:
From EricMM:
From Black Lushus:
• So France lost to Italy in the World Cup final. Gee, that’s too bad. I think my favorite moment came when Zinedine Zidane head-butted that Italian guy and got tossed out of the match as a result. Way to cost your team the championship, Frenchie. I have no idea who this guy is, but apparently he’s really good and stuff and was going to retire after this match. Hey, when Jerome Bettis played in his final quest for a championship, he only potentially cost his team a win with the divisional playoff game against the Colts, not in the Super Bowl. The funny thing is that not only did France play the better game, but also I’m sure Zidane would have been a valuable addition to his country’s penalty-kick lineup. And while I’m on this subject, one thing I don’t like about the World Cup was the shootout determining the world champ. It’s kind of a copout to run up and down a big-ass field for two hours only to have the title game decided by a gay shootout. The NHL does it best in their postseason; if there is no winner at the end of regulation, let them play until they drop. At least this way there will be more of an effort by both teams to score a goal, rather than having each team play not-to-lose and wait for penalty kicks. And now the 2010 World Cup will be held in South Africa. I wonder what there will be more of – goals scored in the tournament or players catching the AIDS?
• As much as I think he’s a piece of shit, I have to give Pennsylvania governor Ed Rendell props; this douche sure knows how to campaign. For the first three years of his administration all this asshole has done is raise taxes and sign in pay raises. What has he done in the past week or so? He appealed to conservative Democrats, of which there are plenty of in the Keystone State, by signing legislation silencing those “God Hates Fags” idiots from protesting the funerals of our military personnel. Fast Eddie then appealed to his base constituency – those who can’t make more than $5.15/hour thanks to this horrid Bush economy – by jacking up the state’s minimum wage by $2/hour over the next year. On this matter I should note that the congress is “GOP controlled,” or at least it is allegedly. But on the bright side of things, this will probably bring about more of those self-scanning personal shoppers I’ve talked about in the past, which take the place of cashiers and other entry-level workers, who are supposed to be the beneficiaries of a minimum-wage increase. I always love hearing how you can’t support a family on minimum wage; you’re not supposed to. Before producing kids you can’t afford, can you please put a bullet in the back of your head?
8:30 p.m.
• Holy crap. I'm glad I don't work drive-thru anymore. I'd probably be killed. And Penn Hills is not that far from where I live.
It’s kinda funny because the reason young chicks work cashier jobs is to put a pretty face out there so men won’t be as likely to bitch about their order. And forget about saying “thank you,” just get my order right and I’m good.
10 a.m.
• So last night there was supposed to be some big “walk out” at the Pirates game to protest the fact that this team is bad. And what happened?
You want to send a real message to management? DON’T GO TO THE FUCKING GAMES! Hell, I bet a number of these protestors probably bought snacks from the refreshment stands. I feel for you people because putting your heart into a team with 14 consecutive years of losing must feel pretty bad, but the funny thing is despite all this suck the Pirates still make a profit. In a way, you got to respect that.
Pirates management. It’s a lot like Hitler.
Remember, the Steelers pretty much did jack shit for 40 years before winning four Super Bowls during the 1970s. Only 26 more years to go, Bucco fans.
9:45 a.m.
• A final update on Mohammad Mouse. Now this is how a series finale should be done.
Here's the video.
• You know, I actually think this isn’t such a bad idea.
When I worked at the Quickie Mart, it was about that time when we had to really start carding people or else the Anti-Tobacco Gestapo would be hitting us well-to-do cashiers with fines and shit. We were told that we had to card anyone that looked younger than 27. But you have to be only 18 to purchase tobacco? Didn’t matter. Our magic number was 27. And you can imagine how great this went over with our customers. My usual answer to the responses below were something like, “Because I was told to card anyone that didn’t look 27 because Joe Camel is making our kids smoke.”
“OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS?”
“DO I LOOK 18?”
“THIS IS SO STUPID!”
“WHY DO I HAVE TO SHOW YOU MY ID?!”
Now seriously, I ask you: What is so difficult about pulling out your driver’s license? I’ve done it before with no problem. Hell, whenever I go to purchase alcohol, I have my ID out by the time I get to the register, and I’m older than the big 2-7. If it’s the LAW that EVERYONE has to whip out ID in order to purchase booze, and it makes the lives of the many cashiers in the great state of Tennessee easier, then I say why not.
9:30 a.m.
• Remember that shit a while back about OMG Captian America is dead? Peep the final paragraph.
