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New location, same lame blog

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Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Thanksgiving: avoiding in-laws and watching football

I wandered around the floor here a few minutes ago and counted 15 people. In my group, there are exactly two of us here (out of 11). That raises the question: is everyone else lazy or am I an even bigger sap than I realize?   Probably the latter. Oh well. At least I've gotten a lot of work done today. No coworkers = no obnoxious noise, which makes me happier and more productive.   The only downside is that now I'm going to be watching the clock as it is customary for management to dismiss us a few hours early today. That usually happens around 1:00, which is 25 minutes away. It will seem like an eternity...   -------------------------------   So Thanksgiving is tomorrow. That will make for a nice four-day weekend. Yay. sfaJill's family will be gathering at her sister's house tomorrow for the traditional Thanksgiving crap. I'll bet $100 that this gathering will include her brother and mom yelling at each other about whatever his girlfriend has done lately to piss mom off, sfaJill's sister continuing to give sfaJill the silent treatment over some shit that I said/did three months ago regarding their son, and my brother-in-law's mom pissing everyone else off just because she's a total bitch and that is her specialty.   Fortunately, thanks to the magic of the Cowboys playing their usual Thanksgiving Day game, I will be 250 miles away, basking in the glow of what should be an easy win over the Jets. Thank you, Cowboys. Thank you. I will have to listen to a phone call from an exacerbated sfaJill later that night during which she will declare that's she tired of their "bullshit" and is THIS CLOSE to cutting them out of her life, but that is a small price to pay for getting out of sitting through all the fun.   So, in the spirit of celebrating Thanksgiving, all of its excesses, and football, I'm going to steal an idea from kkk and post my picks for this week's games. The difference is that I'll pick them straight-up because, well, it's easier.   Green Bay @ Detroit I'm taking the Packers, but I hope the Lions can pull one out here because that would mean the Cowboys would effectively have a three-game lead on the Pack in the race for home-field after they beat Green Bay next week.   N.Y. Jets @ Dallas Cowboys were flat against the Skins last Sunday, which is to be expected after two huge road wins over Philly and the Giants. That will not happen again. Cowboys by 17.   Indianapolis @ Atlanta Injuries or not, the Colts should kill them. Joey Harrington sucks, yes, but Byron Leftwich has been even worse this year.   Buffalo @ Jacksonville I actually think Jacksonville has a chance to mess with the Patriots in January, if Mike Peterson gets well and Garrard can have a really good game.   Denver @ Chicago What a horrible game. Denver is like three last second field goals from being 2-8 and the Bears just suck. Bears to win, but only because they're at home.   Houston @ Cleveland Texan fans, who are desperate for ANYTHING resembling mediocrity, are whispering about possibly grabbing that second wild card. Well, that train gets derailed this week.   Minnesota @ N.Y. Giants Just a hunch here. I just can't believe in the Giants (and no, it isn't just because they're a rival for the 'Boys). They've beaten exactly nobody of note, unless you count beating the Lions on the road as a "somebody." And I don't.   New Orleans @ Carolina I'm only picking the Saints because the Panthers seem incapable of doing anything right.   Oakland @ Kansas City If JaMarcus Russell doesn't get at least a few snaps this week, Lane Kiffin should be fired.   Seattle @ St. Louis Seattle isn't very good, but they will be good enough to beat the Rams.   Tennessee @ Cincinnati I don't care how much VY sucks, I'm not picking the Bengals again this year. They've screwed me over many times already.   Washington @ Tampa Bay Just because Washington can go to Hell.   San Francisco @ Arizona Let's go Cardinals! Time for somebody other than Seattle to rule the West. That and the Niners are really, really horrible.   Baltimore @ San Diego I'm picking the Chargers, but I'm secretly hoping the Ravens blow them out so that (hopefully) LT will start to become so angry about having to play for Norv Turner that he demands a trade to Dallas so he can come home and lead the 'Boys to another Super Bowl next year. Hey, Dallas does have an extra #1 to offer...   Philadelphia @ New England Won't even be close. No comment necessary.   Miami @ Pittsburgh Ditto. The Steelers should be good and angry after getting slapped by the Jets.  
sfaJack

sfaJack

2
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Weekend wrap-up

Anybody show up for work/school an hour early today? If you did, you're a retard...   -----------------------------   I think the Patriots and Colts played a football game of some importance yesterday that apparently lived up to the hype. I can't be sure of this though as those of us in the Houston TV market were not allowed to see the game thanks to existence of the Houston Texans. Because of them, we were stuck with the scintillating Texans-Raiders contest which was, um, not as good as the Pats-Colts game.   Fortunately, I did not have to suffer through that game because, on Thursday, my brother called and asked if I would come out to his place on Sunday and help him move some furniture. They are building a house and will be moving in (hopefully) shortly before Christmas and I had promised him about six weeks ago that I would help once their current house sold. Well, this past week, they accepted a cash offer for their current house. That's the good news.   The bad news is that, in order for the deal to go through, they have to be completely moved out by the 12th of this month.   So when sfaJill and I show up yesterday ready to go, what do we find? Chaos. Nothing in the house has been packed and clothes are strewn about all over the place; if you didn't know they had sold the place, you'd have no idea they were moving. We spent two hours just clearing drawers and shelves of stuff so we could move it all the storage place.   Then, after we FINALLY get a load of furniture onto the trailer and make a run to the storage place, it is revealed that the unit they have rented is only 5' X 12' in size. Can you guess what happens next? Yep, we don't have enough room to fit the stuff we brought with us in there, much less the rest of the stuff still at the house.   They're supposed to call about renting another (bigger) unit today and I've been asked to go back out there Saturday to complete Phase Two of this big move. Brother is on notice that if they haven't finished packing up all their crap enough to where all we have to do is load up boxes and the remaining into the trailer, I'm walking. We'll see what happens.   Ah, family. Too bad you can't pick 'em.   -----------------------------   Friday night, I was suffering from a fairly severe case of insomnia. Bored and desperate for something to watch, I chose RV, which was running on Encore. What a mistake. Somebody get Robin Williams back on coke, stat.   The only redeeming thing about this movie is Kristin Chenoweth. Between this show and Pushing Daisies, I have developed quite the little crush on her.   -----------------------------   Election Day tomorrow for us Texans. It's expected that no more than 15% of voters will turn out statewide. I'm sure the other 85% will bitch incessantly about whatever the result is though.
sfaJack

sfaJack

2
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Is renting an apartment to a Muslim...

...the worst thing you can do to them?   sfaJill has a friend who used to work as an apartment manger. The friend still keeps in touch with a couple of people there and recently learned of this story that happened:   A Muslim couple came in looking for a place and were told that only one apartment was available at that moment. They wanted to see it, so the leasing agent took them out for a tour of it. Immediately upon arriving at the apartment for a look around, the couple got angry. Why? Because the apartment for rent was #911.   They were apparently very insistent that this would not be acceptable because "people here will think we are terrorists" and the other tenants would make their lives "miserable" if two Muslims moved into apartment #911.   Oh, how I love our overly sensitive society.   ---------------------------   In other news, it looks like the latest plan to renovate the Astrodome is dead.     Since the Astros left for Minute Maid Park in 2000 and the Houston Rodeo moved to Reliant Stadium in 2003, the Dome has basically been sitting there collecting dust, save for the occasional high school football playoff game. The final scene of that Friday Night Lights movie was filmed there a couple of years ago. And, of course, we all remember the Dome's last bit of infamy back in 2005 when George W. Bush had all those Katrina refugees locked inside, hoping they would all suffocate in a pile of their own waste.   There has been much talk about what to do with the Dome. One proposal was to turn it into an indoor track and field arena; that coincided with Houston's ill-fated attempt to land the 2012 Summer Olympics. Another was to turn it into a huge parking garage to alleviate the parking issues at Reliant Stadium, but I think somebody figured out that that would be nothing but a giant cardon monoxide death chamber. Still another would have turned it into a "world class" hotel/casino, the sole purpose of which (as proposed) would be to stop Texas gamblers from driving a few hours to the boats in Louisiana.   Thankfully, all of those proposals died. In addition to being idiotic, they would have required tax money to fund and Harris County has already spent over $1 billion on stadiums in the last 10 years; I don't think we need more. Especially for a building that is rapidly turning into ugly, purposeless eyesores in an unattractive part of town. Just tear down the Dome and be done with it, please. Nobody cares about its historical value, and visitors are no longer wowed by it, given the fancier playpens built elsewhere over the years. Please...just let it go so we can stop talking about it. It's for the best.      
sfaJack

sfaJack

1
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

All for one and one for...me

Inspired by kkk's latest bout of wedded bliss, here's one that happened yesterday afternoon:   (I'm in the kitchen eating one of those "fun size" 3 Musketeers bars when sfaJill walks in) "What are you eating?" "3 Musketeers." (flabbergasted) "Where'd you get that??" "From the bag in the pantry." "What bag in the pantry?" "The bag of 3 Musketeers on the second shelf in there." "I didn't know they where in there. When did we get those?" "Wednesday. I picked them up at Kroger. Remember when I stopped to grab that chicken on the way home from work that day?" "I can't believe you hid them from me." "I didn't hide them from you. They were on the freaking shelf in the pantry." "Well, you didn't tell me they were in there. You know I never look in there!!" "No, but I also didn't tell you that I bought some more milk that day, too." (pause) "Well, you know I love 3 Musketeers and you didn't tell me you bought some. You hid them so you could have them all to yourself." "Uh...yep. That's it."   She stomed off to our bedroom and slammed the door. I just went outside for a while and, when I came back in, she apologized and said that she didn't know what was wrong with her or why she was getting pissed off about "stupid stuff." I just told her it's part of that whole "being a chick" thing. Surprisingly, she didn't smack my arm.
sfaJack

sfaJack

2
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Painted into a corner

Nope, this entry has nothing to do with the painting going on at my residence right now. Rather, there is controversy in Farmers Branch again. You might remember that Farmers Branch is the little community south of Dallas that recently tried to pass a city ordinance that would ban the rental of apartments to illegal aliens.   Story     Let me start by stating that I don't like homeowners associations. I understand why they exist and I acknowledge that they can be useful in some instances. But, usually, it's just a bunch of obsessive-compulsive types who nitpick over a lot of stupid, little shit that really has zero effect on property values either because they have nothing better to do or because they enjoy bossing others around a little too much. I especially detest the idea that someone else can dictate to me what I can and cannot do with property that I own, espeically when it's a non-government entity telling me to do so. My neighborhood has a HOA, but I deal with it because it's practically impossible to find a Houston suburb that doesn't have one and I do not wish to move back into the city.   This story is a little different because it would be a government dicating what is and what is not acceptable, but the same principle applies: don't tell private property owners what they can and cannot do with their own property.   "Some residents." What does that mean? According to the article:     So a whole two residents ask the council, who has not said they will act on it, to ban some exterior colors and it's portrayed as some sort of community-wide referendum on the matter? Fine journalistic work, indeed.     LOL. Now that's a racist statement. Who paints their house tropical colors? Someone who likes the tropics? Someone who wants to be reminded of their vacation? Someone who just happens to like tropical colors? What exactly is a "tropical color" anyway?   What better way to accuse someone of profiling a group than to profile that same group yourself.   Besides, there are plenty of white people that have awful decorating taste and would paint their houses ridiculous colors if they were allowed. I don't see a racial angle to this at all. Just another example of someone wanting to be angry about something.   This argument is used a lot, but no proof that it's true is ever offered. Besides, anyone who won't buy a house because there is another house nearby painted in an "unsightly" manner is probably someone you don't want in the neighborhood anyway because there's a good chance they'd be the stereotypical nightmare of a neighbor.   As with all things in the U.S., the free market will ultimately determine what your property is really worth. All the mowing and beige paint in the world isn't going to save your property value from a downturn in the housing market, nor is it going to suddenly turn a shitty area of town into a property hotbed. If you maintain and clean your own property, your house will sell just fine in any market.   I wish someone that lived in these folks' neighborhood would paint their vehicle an outlandish color, park it in front of their house every day, and see how long it takes for their heads explode.    
sfaJack

sfaJack

2
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Home Makeover: Jack Edition

Another reason for me to be upset about the Cubs' getting bounced from the playoffs this past Saturday night:   I (stupidly) had promised sfaJill that, after the Cubs had completed their World Series run, we would begin work on painting and re-doing our guest bathroom (sans the bubble towels we she registered for but didn't get as a wedding gift) before moving on to the rest of the house. Barely three hours after the Cubs lost on Saturday, she turns to me and says, "We should go buy some paint tomorrow."   Oh, goody.   A little backstory:   I bought/built the house four years ago because I'd grown weary of both apartment life and renting and basically haven't done anything to it in regards to decoration since then (i.e. all the walls inside are white and there isn't much of anyting hanging on them to liven the place up a little bit). I'm fine with it. Every room is furnished with nice stuff and there isn't much clutter clogging things up. I also kept the place pretty neat and tidy, as is my nature.   sfaJill, however, is not fine with it. And that is where the conflict lies. She HATES the plain white walls and the nice, neat way I had things organized. Apparently, the house doesn't look "lived in" enough and is "boring." Whatever.   I've been successfully delaying this whole remodeling thing since she moved in last December, but now I'm out of excuses that she will accept.   So, yesterday, we spent two hours of prime football watching time wandering around Lowes. We picked out shades of blue, green, brown, and "sand" color paints. We looked at new light fixtures, towel rods, shower heads, etc. She tried to start picking out stuff for our bathroom (which we are going to pay someone to overhaul), our bedroom, and the kitchen, but I was able to put the kibosh on that by convincing her that we should probably just start with the guest bath and see what happens from there.   $300 later, we returned home with paint, a new light fixture, shower head, two towel rods, a paper holder, and a whole list of other crap she wants for other rooms.   Now...do I know anything about electrical wiring and/or hanging a light fixture? No.   Do I know how to take apart a toilet so we can paint behind it? No.   I should be able to change out the shower head, but is it likely to take me less than hour's worth of cursing and breaking shit before I get it right? No.   I have painted before and do a pretty good job at it, but it's a tedious chore I'd rather just skip. Plus, I just know that if there is the slightest hint of a streak in any area I paint, I will be asked to do it again.   This should be fun!  
sfaJack

sfaJack

3
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

99 years

.194   .087   37   6   What are these numbers? They are a quick summary of how completely incompetent the Cubs were against the Arizona Diamondbacks in their NLDS series that ended last night in a 3-0 Arizona sweep.   .194 = the Cubs' batting average for the series   .087 = their batting average with runners in scoring position (2-for-23), and one of those two was a weak infiled single   37 = the numbers of baserunners they had in the series   6 = the number of those baserunners that scored   How do you lose a playoff series and look completely pathetic in doing so? That's a really good start.   It also helps to have two of your biggest bats (Alfonso Soriano and Aramis Ramirez) combine for two hits, your best reliever over the second-half of the season implode, and to hit into about 14 rally-killing double plays.   I really don't know why I thought this year might be different for the Cubs. Maybe I'll never learn. Still...being swept in the first round is a better end to the season than finishing with the worst record in the league as they did last year.   At least that's what I've been telling myself for the last 12 hours...
sfaJack

sfaJack

1
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Tired of wet backs

During these long, hot Texas summers, what better way to beat the heat than to buy a vehicle with air conditioned seats?   ----------------------------   There isn't one single goddamn radio station in this town that is carrying the MLB playoffs. I mean, seriously--what the FUCK is up with that? We have FOUR sports radio stations in this town (including an ESPN radio affiliate) and not one of them can pick up even the shitty Westwood One network calls of the games? Christ. I knew I should have taken the rest of this afternoon off.   ----------------------------   So I just got this invitation through the mail here at work from something called the "Houston Energy & Finance Forum." I've never heard of it, but apparently they know who I am ( ) because I've been invited to attend some luncheon/seminar they're hosting next Wednesday at the Hyatt downtown. The topic? Building a career and a life, which apparently means they're going to speak about integrating my professional, personal, and spiritual life into one big harmonious pile of crap. I'm not sure I want to know who thought this up or what the purpose is.   What I would like to know is how they got my name because, after discussing this with a co-worker and asking a few individuals around the floor, it looks like I might be the only one invited to this thing. Nobody else seems to know anything about it. There hasn't even been some lame company-wide e-mail sent out informing us of this prestigious event.   Oh, wait, what's this? Does it say here that the CEO of my company is part of the host committee? The same CEO that I've never met and whom probably wouldn't know who I was if I walked up and punched him in the face right now? Or...wait. Does he actually know who I am and is fully expecting me to attend this thing? Have I been put on some sort of "rising star" list around here (just as one co-worker/partial supervisor has been saying for months) that requires me to go to things like this? Should I ignore it completely? Should I call them to say I'm not coming? Should I go and indulge in a free lunch?   I have no clue. And I have no idea what to do.    
sfaJack

sfaJack

5
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

One more confirmed Romo-sexual

The Cowboys looked damn good in crushing the Bears last night. Tony Romo looked like a top 3 quarterback once again in shredding the vaunted Chicago defense. With his performance last night, I have to finally admit that my crush on Romo and his awesome playmaking ability has turned into full blown man love. Romo can flat out play and anyone who was convinced that the botched snap in Seattle last year would ruin him has been proven wrong. Watch him any time he makes a mistake--he just shakes it off and goes out and does something to make up for it.   A few Cowboy thoughts:   - The defense is still shaky without Terence Newman fully healthy, but at least they finally had something resembling a pass rush last night. Maybe they're coming around.   - Patrick Crayton shouldn't be playing if his broken finger is going to prevent him from catching easy touchdowns, but with Sam Hurd showing some skill, his absence might not be as noticeable.   - Marion Barber is a beast. If only he had a little more speed.   - Ken Hamlin is a big upgrade over Keith Davis.   - The Leonard Davis signing isn't the "worst move of the offseason" as some pundits were saying. Yeah, he's overpaid but he's so much better than Marco Rivera's corpse was that it's worth the $$$.   - I still don't like T.O. and all the baggage he brings to a team, but at least he's catching the ball and making plays this year.   - Jason Witten is no longer the best kept secret in the NFL. Jeremy Shockey and Antonio Gates are good, but they ain't Jason Whitten.   - Terry Glenn isn't even playing yet. Once he gets back, look out.   - There's a decent chance the Cowboys and Patriots will be 5-0 when they meet Oct. 14 in Dallas. In the four years we've had Cowboys season tickets, I don't think I've ever been more excited about attending a particular game.   One thing: if my 23 years of experience rooting for the Cubs have taught me nothing else, I have learnved to never get too excited until the season plays itself out. But if you wanted me to make an argument that the Cowboys are not the class of the NFC at this point in time, I'd have a hard time doing so.     One note on the referees, Ron White and his crew from last night should be, if not outright fired, suspended for a couple of weeks. At the very least they should not collect their paychecks for this week. What a horribly officiated game. For all the blustering and cracking down that Roger Goodell is doing on everything else around the league, why are the referees allowed to continue to be this shitty without some real measure of discipline? Get on it, Commish.  
sfaJack

sfaJack

3
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

ALICIA SILVERSTONE GETS NAKED

One of my top fantasy babes from my younger days, Alicia Silverstone, wants us to go vegetarian. This article claims that Houston and Dallas-Fort Worth were chosen for the rollout of PETA’s latest campaign because we are perennially near the top of those fattest city surveys. Whatever.   I’ve never taken much of what PETA does seriously because they’re so over the top with how they choose to get their message out, but if Alicia Silverstone is getting naked for this particular cause, I’m willing to listen.   I tried accessing the video of the commercial from work and got a message saying it was blocked by our firewall. Apparently peta.org has been classified as "Advocacy Groups, Tasteless/Gross". I chuckled.   ------------------------------   This morning, on the door inside the men’s room on our floor, some joker posted a copy of an article that claims that 33% of men do not wash their hands after going to the bathroom (only 12% of women do not). This figure was obtained after “extensive observation of over 6,000 people in four major cities” over the past couple of months. Doctors everywhere are outraged at this news though I’m not sure why. I’ve seen tons of guys not wash their hands afterwards over the years that frankly I’m shocked it’s only at 33%.   Other “do not wash” findings (for both sexes) from the article: 44% after petting a cat or dog 39% after coughing/sneezing 56% after handling money 22% after changing diapers 9% before handling food   I’ll admit that I’m often guilty on the petting cat/dog and handling money charges and even sometimes on the coughing/sneezing, but I rarely touch food with unclean hands. The diaper changing thing doesn’t apply to me since I have and will continue to do anything necessary to avoid that chore, but who are the nasty bastards that make up that 22%?   ------------------------------   Finally, a big “CONGRATULATIONS” is due my company’s management. It took some hard work, but they found another little perk to yank away from us when we were least expecting it.   Last week, it was announced that our on-site fitness center is closing at the end of the year. The company-sponsored discount membership program we have had with the YMCA is also being canned. The reason given is “cost considerations.”   Apparently, management is contending that the member base isn’t big enough to support the ongoing costs of the fitness center. One well-placed source told me that our real estate group claims to have “many studies” that show each member would have to pay out an extra $5,000 a year in order for the center to break even. If that’s true, then I need to polish the ol’ resume because this company is going to be led into bankruptcy by a bunch of idiots that clearly have no idea how to manage money. The fitness center is small in size and has a grand total of four company employees (as opposed to expensive outside contractors) on staff and is housed in a building on a campus this company has owned outright for over 30 years. There is simply no way the it is that expensive to operate.   One of the members started a “save the fitness center” petition and posted it at the check-in desk there. Management found out and ordered that the petition be scrapped immediately or there could be consequences for creating disharmony in the work environment. Hmmm. Would that be the same sort of disharmony they created when they suddenly decided to close the fitness center for questionable reasons?
sfaJack

sfaJack

7
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

September can kiss my ass

Just what the title says. The month of September can just kiss my ass and go away already.   Between sfaJill (TM kkk) needing an emergency appendectomy back on the 4th, having the A/C in my truck (a necessity down here) become mostly non-functional two days after that (after just buying new tires and shocks/brakes for it last month), and my mom finally losing her battle with cancer on the 10th, it’s been one fucked up month.   But at least the Cubs are clinging to first place and the Cowboys are 2-0. And we had a nice vacation in the lovely communist utopia of Massachusetts (more on that in another blog). Problem is, I feel like I need another one even though this is only the seventh day I’ve actually been in the office since August 22.
sfaJack

sfaJack

2
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

My wife...

...might be the worst driver on this planet.   At the very least, she jumped way up in both polls last night.   Maybe it was just aggression from the bad day she had. Maybe she really just didn't see that one stop sign that was kind of hidden by an overhanging branch. Maybe the one guy that pulled out in front of her is just a dumbass. And maybe I should just count my blessings because there was no accident and nobody got hurt.   But still, I think I'd have been less horrified if we'd just wiped out a truck full of puppies and gone back home.
sfaJack

sfaJack

1
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

We're all gonna die

Tropical Storm depresssion Erin is bearing down on the south Texas coast. According to our local TV weatherpersons (OMG political correctness~!), those of us in the Houston metro area (200+ miles north of the storm's landfall) should brace for the imminent death and destruction this storm will surely bring.   Oh, wait. What's that? It's actually just going to rain a lot over the next couple of days? Get the fuck out of here with all that stupid KATRINA WAS A VERY REAL TRAGEDY THAT COULD HAPPEN TO US TOO bullshit.   In other tropics news, Hurricane Dean continues to head for the Yucatan Peninsula. Barring a change of course, landfall is expected there sometime early next week. Good to know that George Bush hates Mexicans, too.   -----------------------   For the second time in three months, a Saudi guy had his snakes confiscated at the Cairo airport.   I've flown out of the Cairo airport. Maybe it was because it was about 3 in the morning when we were boarding my particular flight or maybe it was because the flight was headed to Amsterdam (instead of the U.S.) and security didn't think the terrorists would be interested in jihading a plane that wasn't likely have a lot of Americans on board, but security was not too concerned with checking anything or anybody too closely.   Every time the metal detector went off, they'd wave you through. No carry-ons were opened, no liquids were banned from the flight--yet they've confiscated two bags full of snakes in three months. Weird.   -----------------------   This guy's stunt got a chuckle out of me but I doubt he'd find it funny if his tenants decided to pay him in change to protest his high rental rates.   -----------------------   Wait--scam artists use the Internet to carry out their schemes?? I'm SHOCKED.   This world has gotten pretty bad when you can't even safely travel to an African nation and meet with a total stranger who said she loves you and has promised to pay you $85,000 in gold if you come rescue her from her hellhole of a homeland anymore.  
sfaJack

sfaJack

1
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

I'm a minority! Now where's my check?

kkk is worried about the invasion creeping into his neighborhood? It could be worse...   Link   That's right. Harris County, my home, is not so white bread anymore. I guess it's time for us to pack up from and head for The Woodlands. Or, if we can't afford that just yet, Sugar Land will do. In the meantime, let's examine some highlights from the article:   Big surpise. Immigration is a huge issue/problem here and with the ridiculous amount of new, entry-level/cheap housing that has been built throughout the area, I suppose it was only a matter of time.   The dramatic increase in crime in Houston over the last two years can be attributed to Katrina too, but nobody is allowed to say that out loud. In fact, I expect the PC Police to come kick down my door moments after I post this. Assuming anyone is reading, that is.   That's a lot, but not as much as I would have thought, considering Houston absorbed nearly 60,000 Katrina refugees immediately after the storm.   If this is the same "new" United States that will make Hilary Clinton or Barack Obama the next President, you can shove it up your ass.   Ok, what the hell does this even mean? "New Texans?" If you weren't fucking born here, you are not a Texan. Period. Besides, true Texans do not have the goddamn Mexican flag flying in their front yard or hanging off the back of their roach coach taco trucks and do not look at you dumbfounded when they ask you something in Spanish and your only response is to stare blankly back at them like all these "new" Texans do.   Education? Check. Houston ISD schools are terrible. They're like 90% minority. Coincidence?   Health services? Check. A recent report that ran in this same newspaper (I wish I could find the link) claims the average wait time at an emergency room here is about 6 hours and that the city was mobilizing an effort to encourage people to take greater advantage of new free clinics located in "selected" areas of town.   And I'm sure George Bush still hates them because they escaped his Hurricane-O-Matic.     On second thought, maybe one of these two counties will do.  
sfaJack

sfaJack

1
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

OMG INTERNET DRAWMUH~!, fake rock climbing

WOW. And here I thought the hottest feud on the Internet was kkk v. niskie...   Link     ---------------------------------   My wife and I both had the day off yesterday so we went "rock climbing" at this place as the final piece of her birthday celebration (don't ask). She's climbed before, as there was a climbing wall at the YMCA camp she used to work at. Yesterday was the first time up such a wall for me though. It was fun, but I'm not sure I understand why anyone would partake in an activity where your main objective is to not die.   The good news is that I didn't fall and break my neck like I thought I might. In fact, other than getting "stuck" on the wall a couple of times (i.e. not being able to reach the next foot/hand grip) and having to come down and start over, my experience wasn't too humiliating.   Well, unless you count the time we had to yell for help because my shirt had come untucked from my harness just enough that it got itself wedged into the belaying device, rendering me unable to feed the rope back through (and leaving my wife dangling 50 feet in the air) or the time when the 9-year-old girl who was climbing next to me reached the top of the wall in about half the time it took me to do so as humiliating. If you count that as having a bad day, then I had a bad day.   ---------------------------------   12 pages (out of 20) of that damned wedding album have been put together. There is hope yet...
sfaJack

sfaJack

1
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Bed bugs and birthdays

So I was rudely awakened a little past 4:30 this morning by my wife (who NEVER wakes up before me) suddenly turning on the overhead light in our bedroom and yanking most of the covers off of the bed. Her reason? She thought she felt a bug crawl across her leg, freaked out, and felt the need to find and destroy said bug.   After a couple of moments of frantic searching for the bug and a few incoherent ‘what the FUCK are you doing??’ grumblings from me, she gave up, turned off the light, and went to take her shower telling me, “Just go back to sleep, honey.”   What the fuck ever. There was no way I was getting back to sleep after that.   My alarm goes off at 5 a.m. anyway so it’s not like I lost a lot of sleeping time...but still. She’s got to be kidding.   I blame my being (according to a coworker) “more grumpy than usual” today on this incident.   --------------------------------   Speaking of my wife, her birthday was yesterday. I got her a sappy card, one of those chocolate chip cookie cakes, and a couple of necklaces. She was thrilled with all of it, which was good. Despite her being relatively easy to please with gifts, I'm always nervous whenever I give her anything. That's probably because I never EVER want to relive the time I prepaid three months worth of a gym membership as a "bonus" gift for a birthday of hers a few years back. Even though she'd been mentioning a couple months prior that she wanted to start working out again that was a HUGE mistake that I paid a hefty price for.   Still have horrible memories of that fight to this very day...
sfaJack

sfaJack

3
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Door slamming, RAYCISM~!, and valuable dog poop

My wife called me an ass last night because I had the audacity to basically slam our front door in the face of a guy who was trying to sell carpet cleaning - at 8:45 p.m.   "It's 8:45! That is too damn late to be knocking on somebody's door selling shit."   "You still should have just told him 'no thank you' and been nice about it."   "Or maybe he should learn not to bother people with his crap so late."   *Sigh* "I love you anyway, even if you are a jerk."   "I know."   -------------------------------------------------   HA HA HA     I saw this on the local news this morning and (after I finished laughing) was left a little baffled as to exactly how this is racist considering the number of dumb/lazy white people we have living off of welfare in this country. That is definitely not a "problem" exclusive to black, brown, albino or whatever other people.   But, of course, they had an angry black woman on camera (not quoted here) decrying this as one the worst things she's ever seen because her daughter saw it and it hurt her very much to have to explain to her kid why this sign is so offensive. Nevermind the fact that she herself instantly assumed that the sign was aimed at black people.   I can't wait to see how long it will be before she or someone else sues Mr. Ransom for his horrible display of inhumanity.   -------------------------------------------------   Ewwww   You know what? I'd go retrieve it, too. $650 is $650. If you wear rubber gloves, it's not much worse than cleaning a litter box.
sfaJack

sfaJack

1
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Vick, wedding album blues, and the in-laws are coming to visit

Everything that can be said about the Michael Vick/dog-fighting thing has been said, so I’m not going to throw in my two cents. I’ll just note that since everyone is saying he’s unlikely to be suspended (at this point in time anyway), I’m really hoping that the Falcons make the Super Bowl so that the league will have that over their heads during the biggest moment of the season. At the very least, it would give everyone an actual topic to beat into the ground during the excruciating two week layoff, instead of the same old “5 reasons why ‘Team A’ can’t win” crap.   Plus, it’ll be fun watching the boys at ESPN try and spin it to protect their second-favorite black quarterback.     My wedding was a little more than three months ago and it’s still giving me grief. A couple of nights ago, the missus declared that it was time we started going through all of the pictures taken by our photographer (who sucked) and pick the ones we want for our official wedding album. I’ve been successful in delaying her on this for a month, but suddenly she’s gotten it in her head that this must be done NOW. Whatever.   Anybody who has been through the process of doing this knows how much of a pain it is: you go through the thousand pictures that were taken, make note of the ones you like and then try and pick what sizes and layouts you want for the various pages in your album.   In our case, there were 976 pictures to sort through to get a 20-page album. FOUR AND HALF HOURS after we started going through all the pictures, we emerged, cross-eyed, with a list. Now, even if we were to pick only the layout templates that can fit four 4 X 6 pictures onto each page, we’d have a maximum of 80 pictures for the album. How many did we have on our list of “pictures wife would like in the album” after our 4 ½ hours of fun?   159.   Oh, Christ.     And speaking of wedding bliss, my in-laws are coming into town this weekend. This means that I can look forward to hours upon hours of my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and wife watching HGTV (at max volume) while my father-in-law sleeps on the floor and the 3-year-old nephew runs around destroying shit because his mother is too engrossed in HGTV to give a shit. And this is after we have gone to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner at fucking McDonald’s because that’s the only place that has a playground. Oh boy.   My only possible saving grace is that my wife’s birthday is next Wednesday and one of her friends wants to go out and celebrate on Saturday night. She’s hesitating to agree because her parents are going to be in town and she “doesn’t feel right” about not spending every waking moment with them. I said fuck that and am strongly encouraging her to go. Her going out would give me a whole evening to myself as the in-laws won’t want to hang out with me without wife around. So here’s hoping…
sfaJack

sfaJack

2
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

First entry

So this is it—the first entry of what is sure to be one of the least-read blogs on TSM.   I’ve had a couple of web adventures like this before.   In college, shortly after I quit writing for the student newspaper, my then-roommate and I collaborated on a little website (hosted on Angelfire) that focused primarily on the sports news around our campus. It was a mild success; we had a small group of dedicated readers and even gained a tiny bit of infamy when my roommate wrote an editorial listing 23 reasons why the football coach shouldn’t have been fired (reason #12: “His wife is hot and we don’t have enough hot women around here”).   That lasted about nine months before we had to shut it down because 1) I had to get another job because I needed cash and we were not earning a dime from the website and 2) it was taking a little too much time to maintain properly.   Fast forward about four years and I opened up my own personal blog. I think all three of my friends read it…once. After a year or so, I lost interest and erased the blog from existence. It wasn’t that good anyway.   So now, I’m giving this whole blogging thing another go. I won’t promise to update on a daily basis, but I do promise to try and make a few posts a week while also making said posts interesting. Given that most of my blogging will be written while I’m “working,” there’s a decent shot of at least the former happening.   If it ends up being neither, well, bite me. It’s not like anyone’s paying me to be entertaining.
sfaJack

sfaJack

3
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Scrap Iron to the scrap heap; I'm going on vacation!

So the Astros fired both Phil Garner and general manager Tim Purpura earlier this week. Cecil Cooper took over managerial duties last night but fared no better as the Cardinals beat down the Astros 7-0.   Most people here were caught by surprise--not because they got fired, but rather because it happened at such an odd point in the season. Personally, I don't see much use in letting them go with only 31 games left in what is a lost season, but since Drayton McLane does what Drayton McLane wants to do, they are gone.   That leaves the question of what happens now. The Astros are a horrible team with few big time prospects ready to go in the minors. There is very little reason to think that they're suddenly going to return to contention next year with or without Garner and/or Purpura so, really, it seems to be an empty move. I guess they did it so they can tell their fans "See! We're doing something about it!", but until they commit to no longer trotting out mediocre (at best) talents like Adam Everett, Brad Ausmus, Luke Scott, etc., their bottom-dwelling days likely aren't over.   Then again the Astros are only 3-9 against the Pirates this year. That fact alone is probably enough to get anyone fired.   ---------------------   Rafer Alston isn't handling his transition to the unemployment line very well.     A pro athlete got arrested after an altercation at a night club? I'm shocked. At least there wasn't any gun play involved. I think the rule states there has to be a strip club involved before you can open fire though.   ---------------------   The wife and I leave tomorrow morning for a long weekend in Boston. I'm excited. For one, it means we're getting the hell out of this town for a few days. Secondly, the furthest I've ever traveled north and east in this country is Washington D.C., so this will be new territory for me.   I'm sure we'll hit a lot of the touristy shit that everyone does, like the Cheers bar, that Freedom Trail, Paul Revere's old house, etc., along with soaking up the sights and sounds of a new city. Plus she wants to go on a whale-watching harbor tour. That should be a nice six hours of my life. And I'll probably have to get on one of those swan boats. I don't know.   The highlight for me though will be the Red Sox and Orioles game on Sunday at Fenway Park. Fenway will be the eighth different MLB park I've been to and has always been #2 on my list of parks I've most wanted to visit. Our seats are in the Loge box (section 137) which should give a good view. Dice-K is scheduled to pitch for the Sox, so that's a nice bonus. Daniel Cabrera is supposed to throw for the O's; I wish it was Erik Bedard instead, but we rarely get everything we want in life.   The worst part about this vacation thing is getting through today. I have a BAD case of vacation-itis and totally don't care about any of the work on my desk today. It's only 9:10 and I'm already dying to go home. Maybe I'll take the afternoon off...  
sfaJack

sfaJack

0
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

May 20

Who didn't see this ruling coming?     ----------------------   Then there's this couple that got themselves banned from cruising for the rest of their lives.     I know that there are times when you just have a bad experience with the service industry. It happens, and sometimes it's not even the fault of your waiter (or whomever did you wrong).   But if you've taken six cruises (all with the same company), filed numerous complaints during five of them (yet continue to sail with the same company), been compensated for your "inconvenience" (by that same company), and STILL complain about what a horrible experience you've had (with the same company), I don't blame them at all for banning you. Find another cruise line or STFU already...   ----------------------   Back later with more...
sfaJack

sfaJack

0
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Eddie Griffin can't read

Former Rocket Eddie Griffin was killed in a car-train accident last week.   Anyone who followed Eddie Griffin knew he was headed for an early death, though I figured it would have been from a gunshot. At least he wasn't watching porn and masturbating when he ran into the train.   One question does come to mind though: if his body was so badly burned that it took dental records to identify him, then how can there be a toxicology report? Wouldn't all of that evidence be destoryed in the fire? Someone who watches one of those 20 different CSI shows help a brotha out....   -----------------------------   Here's a shock: Americans don't read. Personally, I think I read 4 or 5 books last year, which I guess puts me about average. In my youth, I read a lot more than I do now (most of the Hardy Boys books, for instance), but reading hasn't appealed to me much since I was forced to ead way too many uninteresting books in college. I just got burned out in those years and haven't ever felt the urge to start reading again.   Well, except for the Internet. The Internet is always fascinating. I'm sure the amount of time I've wasted just at TSM alone over the years is enough to put me in the "avid reader" category. If this sort of crap counted. Sadly, it's gotten me nothing but weird looks from my girlfriend/fiance/wife when she asks what I'm reading and I respond "a pro wrestling messageboard on the Internet."   At least the headline wasn't "1 in 4 Adults CAN'T Read". Yet. I'm sure if we give the Democrats enough time to fuck up public education we'll get there eventually. Although, to be fair, W. and his gang haven't done much better in that regard.  
sfaJack

sfaJack

0
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Lightning Crashes and the Hurricane Dean watch is on

So, uh, yesterday the rain from tropical depression Erin hit much of south and central Texas with lots of rain, including us good folks here in Houston. Dozens of surface roads, underpasses, and even one of the freeways (Hwy 288) were closed due to high water all around. A couple hundred idiots who should know by now not to drive through the water when you can't see the road beneath were forced to abandon their cars. Poor people all around town ended up at the shelters and ended up on the news crying for help because they got a little bit of water in their yards. One homeless lady stuck under a bridge did have to be rescued though. That's not good.   But forget all that flooding and shit. The highlight of the day for me, easily, was around 11:30 yesterday morning. That's when we heard a somewhat loud boom outside the building here and then...THE LIGHTS WENT OUT. All around the office, printers stopped spitting out paper, desk radios that had been turned up to unreasonable volumes were silent, and computer screens went blank, depriving dozens of workers of the porn they were looking at. A lightning strike had hit a transformer in the area and blown the power to the whole area. It was pandemonium.   Or not. Actually, other than a few "Oh my Gods!" from a few of the more exciteable folks around here, it was pretty calm. Most of the people here spent the next 2 hours gathered out by the elevators, bonding over awkward conversation and a round of singing by a few of our more shameless co-workers under the soft glow of emergency lighting. Me? I stretched out in the two chairs in my cube and took a nap. Why go out there and hang with them when I can catch a few winks?   After a couple of hours of having us just sit around in the dark with nothing to do, management sent us home for the day since they were told we'd have no power for "several more hours" by the light company. I'm sure the lost productivity killed them, but what choice did they have?   So I braved the rain and made it home in time to squeeze in a couple games of Madden 08 before the wife arrived home and killed the fun. Oh well. It was a good day while it lasted.   The bad news is that the real fun has just begun. Hurricane Dean is projected to enter the Gulf of Mexico early next week and make landfall anywhere from the Yucatan Peninsula to Houston. Of course, despite there being several hundred miles between those two points, the news crews have already started "gather up all your valuable shit, go into the closet nearest the center of your house, and duck and cover your head because Dean is going to be our armageddon" mode. Sigh. We'll see what actually happens. I'm not worried; George Bush has his ranch here so he wouldn't let us get destroyed, would he?
sfaJack

sfaJack

0
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Sports happenings

Today could be really historic in Major League Baseball as there is the possibility of three huge milestones being reached on the same day:   - Barroid ties Hank Aaron at 755 - Alex Rodriguez reaches 500 home runs faster than anyone in history - Tom Glavine gets his 300th win   I won’t bore anybody with my opinion on Bonds and his pursuit of the record because, frankly, there isn’t anything I can say that hasn’t already been said. He cheated, he knows it, we all know it…that’s it. No matter how disgraceful it might be, there will be no asterisk next to his name or any erasing of his statistics so getting too morally outraged over it seems pointless to me.   Instead, I’ll set my DVR to record the Giants/Dodgers game tonight because, as a baseball fan, I want to see history. The potential theatrics of Bonds not only finally tying Aaron but doing it in LA against the Dodgers where the crowd will be ridiculously hostile should be fantastic. I only wish the game didn’t start at 9:10 CDT tonight because, unless Bonds hits it in the first inning, I probably won’t get to see it live. You’d think that MLB would bump the start of the game up an hour so that a few more of their fans in the eastern and central parts of the country would get to see it, but the baseball powers that be aren’t known for making great decisions very often.   ------------------------------   Bill Walsh died yesterday. I didn’t really get into football until I was about 10 years old, so his great 49er teams were a little before my time but his impact on the NFL was tremendous. Not that I would have been a fan since ours was and is a Dallas Cowboys house, but I can’t deny how the game evolved because of him.   RIP Bill, but I’ll always wonder what would have happened if the Cowboys had had 30 more seconds in that 1982 NFC Championship game. They were at midfield and driving when time ran out as it was. 30 more seconds and I’m thinking they win and we don’t have to suffer through endless highlights of “The Catch” to this day…   ------------------------------   Finally, it looks like Kevin Garnett has been traded to the Celtics for a bunch of guys. The only NBA teams I pay any attention to are (in order) the Rockets, Spurs, and Mavericks so I have no idea if it’s a good trade or even who any of the players Minnesota got in return are. However, I hope it works out for Boston. I’ve always felt bad for Garnett because he’s been a great, selfless player stuck on some shitty teams in Minnesota for most of the last 12 years. I want to see him get another shot at winning big and, if this trade works out, he should have that shot. Good luck KG, and go Celtics.
sfaJack

sfaJack

0
Notes From Cubicle 211-A
 

Slime in the ice machine!

I discovered this morning that the Nazi bastards in charge of our Internet firewalls here have suddenly decided to block YouTube. Sons of bitches.   ----------------------------------   Local TV news legend Marvin Zindler died yesterday from inoperative pancreatic cancer. He’s best known nationally for being the reporter that led the drive to have the Chicken Ranch shut down back in the 70’s, but I’ll always have a soft spot for ol’ Marvin because of his weekly reports on which restaurants around town got busted for health code violations. My brother and I used to watch those with my grandpa when we were kids and would all shout his trademark “SLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME IN THE ICE MACHINE!” line along with him at the end of each one. Even now, as someone who rarely watches TV news (outside of local weather/traffic in the morning), I always tried to make sure and tune in for that just so I could hear Marvin deliver that line. Good times.   RIP, Marvin.   ----------------------------------   Kroger has this promotion where they offer you $0.10 off per gallon of gas (for one fill-up) for every $100 worth of groceries/stuff you buy each month. So yesterday I went to do the weekly Sunday shopping where I pick up the things I need to put together the lunches I bring to work with me everyday. Upon handing me my receipt, the stupid kid running the register noticed that I had accumulated $94 of the next $100. Maybe I was just in a bad mood (likely, since my house was full of in-laws that had shown no signs of leaving any time soon) or he was just new at his first job and was a tad overeager, but this just irritated the hell out of me:   Him: "Look at that. You only need six more dollars to get ten cents off your gas purchase."   Me (indifferent): "Oh, yeah. How about that."   Him: "You want me to hold your spot in line so you can go get some more stuff?"   Me: "For what?"   Him: "So you can get to $100."   Me: "Why would I do that?"   Him: "So you can save money when you fill up!"   ...   Him: "Don't you want to save 10 cents on your gas?"   Me: "Not if I have to buy $6 worth of crap I don't need to get it."   Him: "But you'll save WAY more than that when you fill up."   Me: "How? I only buy maybe 20 gallons each time I fill up. That's only like $2 saved; how does that get to $6?"   Him (thinking): "Hmm...I guess it doesn't."   Me (shoving receipt in pocket): "Nope. Can I go now?"   Him: "Have a nice day, sir."  
sfaJack

sfaJack

0
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