3/26: What Is A Juggalo?
8:30 p.m.
• Time to see if I’m a true-blue Juggalo or a Poser. Before I begin, I have a funny/sad story related to the Insane Clown Posse that I would like to share. While working as a team leader for a test-scoring facility in Ohio, I came across this essay answer that was nothing more than the lyrics to ICP’s “Under the Moon” (I can’t remember what the test question was). Oddly enough, that wasn’t the only “rap song” answer I encountered while working this job. In an essay question asking the student to tell a story of how he or she overcame a challenge, I got the lyrics to the Notorious B.I.G. “Warning.” However, at the end of the essay, instead of talking about busting a cap in the home invaders, he wrote something like “Hold on, I hear somebody coming. Hey, it’s Bob and Steve. You two want to go and get something to eat?” But now I’m getting off-track. I have to test my Juggalo cred.
1.) How many members are in ICP?
a) 2
b) 4
c) 1
d) Unknown.
Answer: Two
2.) The members of ICP all have tha same first name , whut is it?
a) Steve
b) Mike
c) illig
d) Joseph
Answer: Fuck, I don’t know. They both look like “Mikes.”
3) Whut are the band-names tha members go by?
a) Violent J, Shaggy 2 Dope
b) AnyBody killa(ABK), Jumpsteady
c) Esham, Jumpsteady
d) Dont hav NE
Answer: Easy. J and Shaggy.
4) Whut waz the previous name used by tha members of ICP?(whut waz there street/gang name?)
a) Hatchet Family
b) Tha Dark Carnival
c) Insane Jester Gang
d) Inner City Posse
Answer: Inner City Posse – how the hell do I know that?
5) Whut was tha Story they were trying to tell through music?
a) Story of tha Dark Carnival
b) Hatchet warrior story
c) Tha story of tha jesters/jokers
d) There isnt a story
e) …
Answer: …
6) Did all tha members hav dreads?
a) No
b)Yes
c) Only one did
d) They didnt evere have dreads, they had braids
e) .....
Answer: I’m going with the “braids” answer because I smell a swerve with this one.
7) Well weather they were dreads or braids, why did one of them have to shave them off?
a) Never did
b) No reason
c) A new look
d) For a Movie
Answer: Got to be a movie. LL Cool J showed us his bald head in "Halloween: H2O." Nothing wrong with holding out for the right price.
8) Well if they made a movie whut waz it called?
a) Never made a movie
b) no names, they were music videos
c) Big money hustlas
d) Tha history of Insane Clown Posse
Answer: OK, well it looks like I got #7 right. I’ll go with Hustlas because I doubt they would have went with “Tha history…” title.
9) There were origanaly thought that there was supossed to be 7 joker cards but in tha end how many are there?
a) 5
b) 6
c) 4
d) 10
Answer: Unless there was some change to the joker cards after the Great Milenko, I'm pretty sure the answer is 6.
10) Whut joker card was tha master of Necromancy?
a) Tha Great Milenko
b) Tha Amazing Jeckle brothers
c) Carnival Carnag
d) Tha Wraith
e) Tha Ring Master
f) Tha Riddlebox
Answer: Oh hell, I think I actually know this one. Milenko.
OK, now time to see if I’m Juggalo-worthy. *Clicks submit.*
Juggalo
Your a True Juggalo, Born With a hatchet and a juggalo face, Cruisin with A trunk full of faygo and a car full of fat chix, and haunted by a Dark Carnival, your hmies are family too, and you believe Santa Clause is a fat bitch. Hallowen is prolly ur favorite Holiday. if this is tru and ur a juggalette you should im me on Aim: IndependentJ0ker (with tha number zero) Much Clown love!
I have no idea how many I got wrong on this quiz, and I don’t want to know. Actually, I'm more afraid of how many I got right. Oh hell, I'll admit it. I own Riddlebox, Tunnel of Love and Milenko (all of them are bought used -- even I have my standards). It's all in good campy fun. Plus they make fun of rednecks. OK, final story for tonight. During the late ‘90s, the better half’s mother watched a bit of pro wrestling, which was odd for me when she’d ask me questions about why the Undertaker wasn’t on television (injury) or why did Bret Hart go from the WWF to the “other place” (OMG VINCE SCREWED BRET). But the strangest encounter came when ICP was with the WWF in that “Oddities” group, and my future mother-in-law said that these two performers were “funny” and that she wanted to know if they were “real” musicians (I’m sure I can put quote marks around the word musicians, too). A short while later I gave her a copy of “Riddlebox” because I knew it would offend her beyond belief (almost as bad as the time I informed her of the “Piss Christ”), and I was right. Why she allowed me to eventually marry her daughter I have no idea.
7 p.m.
• Yesterday I talked about how much I like this time of year. However, there was one little thing I forgot to mention that I absolutely fucking hate. For some reason, when the sun starts shining, and people roll down the windows to their vehicles, many people get the urge to drive like assholes – or at least bigger assholes than they usually drive. I get it. You like to drive fast on a highway. Fine. But then people start weaving in and out of lanes during rush hour traffic just to get an extra car length or two. I witnessed several examples of this today, but the best by far was when one car was on its hood with the wheels still spinning. The funny thing was that there were no other cars hit or property damaged. My guess is that the driver was speeding and took a turn or hit the brakes, resulting in his car taking flight or flipping. Good.
ESPN is changing quarterbacks. Joe Theismann will no longer be part of the network's "Monday Night Football" broadcast and will be replaced as an analyst by Ron Jaworski, the former Philadelphia Eagles quarterback, the network announced Monday.
Jaworski will join play-by-play announcer Mike Tirico and analyst Tony Kornheiser in the booth. Suzy Kolber and Michele Tafoya will handle sideline reporting.
I really don’t care. Last year’s Monday Night crew was “eh,” and I’m sure this trio won’t be much better, or worse. But if this means more J.A. Adande “Jaws” impressions, then I throw my support behind this move.
9:30 a.m.
A study by researchers at the National Institutes of Health found that children who spent more time in daycare before kindergarten had behavioral problems like arguing and getting into fights...
HOWEVER
...the researchers said good parenting would probably take care of all these problems.
If there was "good parenting," the kids wouldn't be in daycare in one of these institutions. Yeah, I know, OMG what should SINGLE MOMS and WORKING FAMILIES do~?! and all that shit. How about this: don't have kids before you can afford them.
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