4/27: #28, Piss On This Entry
KKK's Top 103 Posters
Number 28: Gert T
Along with being kkk Bowl I champ, Gert T shares a common bond with me and hawk34/choken/whoever. Whenever I speak of my time in Middletown, Ohio, he actually knows what I’m talking about. This is not a good thing. Then again, there’s something special about many of the experiences I had in this little southwestern Ohio city, such as this one.
It was an early summer evening and I had some of my cats out on their leashes exploring the front yard. Yes, they had leashes (I still have them, although they haven’t been used in years). Anyway, this black lady is walking down the street and the following conversation takes place.
Her: “You got any cigarettes?”
Me: “No.”
Her: “You got any alcohol?”
Me: “No.”
Her: “You got any weed?”
Me: “No.”
Her: “You no fun.”
Me: *Reels in cats before she tries to sell them for crack.*
She walked down the block and stopped to talk to these two black guys who pulled up next to her in their hooptie. Oh Middletown. What was I talking about again?
3 p.m.
• OK, so I work on the first floor of a three-floor building. A while back the owners of this building (their business is on the second floor) decided to remodel the first-floor bathrooms. It was ladies first, and for several weeks (Or was it more than a month? Who knows, who cares.) all the bitches on my floor had to walk up a floor in order to pinch a load. Trust me, if I were a chick I’d rather walk up and down a flight of stairs to pee than do my business in this men’s room. I always hold my breath when going in this room to pee due to the funk some of my floormates emanate while reading the newspaper when on the shitter. Well, now it’s the guy’s turn to be without a floor potty. Now I’m a man of rules. I recently scolded LessoninMachismo via PM for breaking the express lane’s 20 items or less code of conduct. I punch myself in the shoulder when I forget to put on my turn signal when changing lanes on a somewhat busy multi-lane road. But so far this week I’ve crept into the ladies room in the early morning whenever I have to go number one after drinking my two daily 8 oz. morning beverage – the two women on this floor don’t get in into after 8 a.m., and my early morning urination takes place well over an hour before any of them arrive. Out of consideration, I’ll sit down to do my business because a man’s penis is like a leaky fire hose. God only knows where the pee will fly once it makes its way out. That's why I like urinals. It's like going against a wall. If there's some side squirting, then chances are the porcelain wall will be able to catch it the wayward pee. Anyway, the last few mornings when I’ve snuck in the women's room I have seen that the toilet bowls had urine caked on them. This means one of two things: 1) the two chicks that use this bathroom have some squirting issues, or 2) the other guys who are too lazy to walk up a set of stairs to urinate spray and don’t clean up. Come on guys, if you’re going to use the ladies room, at least show some considerations for those that have no chance but to squat. And who says I’m not looking out for the ladies? Oh, and this crusty waste also means that this building's cleaning staff does jack shit, but I could have told you that already.
12:15 p.m.
• My workplace DSL is being moody today, so at around 11 a.m. I decided to give Dennis Miller's new radio show a listen instead of my usual morning program. Not bad. Not great. But not bad. This will definitely be playing (for as long as it's on the air) as a second option for my RIGHT-WING RADIO late-morning/early afternoon listening pleasure. I can't remember the last time I listened to Glenn Beck -- please note I'm not complaining about this.
8:15 a.m.
• This got a laugh out of me a few days ago. From Boortz's Web site
ILLUSTRATING THE PLIGHT OF THE POOR
We learn today that Ted Kulongoski, the governor of Oregon, is going to live on food stamps for a week in order to illustrate the plight of the poor.
Wow! What a great idea! If the governor would permit me, I would like to suggest how he can enhance his illustration of the plight of the poor during this week on food stamps:
1. Adopt -- just for the week -- a few children you cannot afford to raise.
2. Completely abandon your work ethic for the week.
3. If you do have a job, show up late, leave early and don't hit a lick at a snake while you're there.
4. Smoke cigarettes. After all, a higher percentage of poor people smoke than rich people.
5. Become uneducated.
6. Buy lottery tickets.
There ... that ought to go a long way toward your "illustrating the plight of the poor" stunt.
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