8/12: Colorful Bible Talk
10:15 p.m.
• Yeah, I know there's more to this story, but the lead paragraph just sounds funny to me.
A troubled teenager accused of plotting a school attack built up a stash of weapons with the help of his mother, authorities said Friday. Michele Cossey, 46, was arrested Friday on charges of illegally buying her home-schooled son, Dillon, a .22-caliber handgun, a .22-caliber rifle and a 9 mm semiautomatic rifle with a laser scope.
9:15 p.m.
• So on the way home from work today we were driving through the black people part of the trip and went past some guy with a colorful jacket that featured patches of each NBA team sewed on. I didn’t notice it because I was too busy looking at traffic and shit, but Mrs. kkk did. The following conversation ensued. You can figure out who is who.
Hey look, it’s Jamal and the multi-colored robe.
Huh?
You know, Joseph and the multi-colored robe? From the Bible?
What?
You don’t know the story of Joseph and the multi-colored robe? The one where he gets sold into slavery by his brothers and they tear up his robe to show to their father?
The fuck?
*Goes on to tell the story up to the point where the robe is returned to dad*
Jesus Christ that’s depressing. Did Joseph at least get his revenge?
I don’t remember, but I think the story is about forgiveness.
Fuck that shit. I’d be pissed.
Well, his bones got returned back home with Moses.
I thought Moses didn’t make it back because God fucked him over about something.
That’s correct … sort of.
What exactly did Moses do?
He was trying to get water from hitting a rock. God said to do it one time and he did it twice.
That’s it?!
Yes. God said that showed a lack of faith on Moses’ behalf.
So he roams around in the desert for 40 fucking years, and God doesn’t believe he’s of faith? No wonder God’s a Jew.
What?
When it came time to pay the bill for Moses, God Jewed him, "Thanks for all your years of service, Moses, but you violated Page 490, Section XL, Article 4a, line 20 of our agreement. No promised land for you." If God tried to Jew me like that, I’d send all his people away to Detroit.
Why am I talking about the Bible with you?
Because you commented on Jamal’s mulit-colored coat.
THE END
That coat was pimp, too, what with the old Hawks logo. Jamal's, not Joseph's.
8:30 p.m.
• So earlier today I became one of “those customers.” I was going out for a few things, and I decided to get one of these new burrito things that Taco Bells was pimping. You know, the one with the “I’ll stop the world and melt with you” ads. Hey, it’s got meat, cheese and sour cream – can’t be all that bad. Problem is, when I approached the drive-thru I couldn’t remember what this product was called. No problem. There will probably be a sign or ad pimping this new item. No such luck – some hippie crap about putting chili on nachos. Now the drive-thru speaker lady is talking. Fuck. Scan that menu. It has to be on there. Nothing. Oh Christ, I have to say it.
“Can I get that burrito that’s been advertised a lot lately?”
“You mean the Cheesy Beefy Melt? Do you want that in a combo?”
Grilled stuffed burrito. Sonofabitch. Oh well, it was worth the humiliation. Well, I wasn't as bad as the old lady at the Burger King drive-thru years ago asking my co-worker if we had fish sticks or macaroni, among the dozen-plus other items we didn't have because she hadn't left her house since the Truman administration (it was a Lenten Friday -- God did those shifts suck).
• Swift Terror brought up Land of the Dead, and it finally forced me to think back to when I saw it a few months back. I liked it. I’m not what you consider a zombie movie fan. I have nothing against them, but I’m nowhere near a fanatic like some others are with this genre. Then again, if that’s what they like to see, then more power to them. Anyway, the whole “Dead” film series is mostly “eh” to me. “Night” was there, and it’s probably my favorite of the three. I never really cared for “Dawn,” and “Day” was OK. I remember as a kid a classmate always saying, “Fucking ‘a, biggest piece of meat in the cave,” and never knew where he got it from. So with this in mind, I always had “Land” pegged as one of those movies that I was in no hurry to see but wanted to get around to doing so before dying. Well now I can rest in peace, I guess. Wasn’t too bad. Yeah, it was a bit cheesy with the whole zombies-of-the-world-unite thing going, and I’m sure there’s some social commentary with the whole “Uniontown” thing that I missed because I’m an evil right-winger. However, there is an actual Uniontown about an hour or so from Shittsburgh, or whatever the city was called in the movie, so I’ll give this a pass.
• So the better half has been sporadically watching that Bret Michaels Flavor-of-Love rip-off every now and then, and this evening she had the FINAL DECISION EPISODE on. Long story short: this guy had to choose from the stripper and the psycho. Longer story shorter: Bret couldn’t decide between these two up until the very end, so he asked each if they wouldn’t mind sharing him with the other. The stripper said sure, the psycho said no. The psycho won. Jesus Christ how stupid can some people be? And if you’re looking for “true love,” wouldn’t you know before asking two chicks if they wouldn’t mind being part of a threesome? I just pray everyone on that show doesn’t vote.
• Al Gore got a Nobel Prize. Yay, and stuff.
For years, former Vice President Al Gore and a host of climate scientists were belittled and, worst of all, ignored for their message about how dire global warming is.
On Friday, they were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for their warnings about what Gore calls "a planetary emergency."
Gore shared the prize with the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, a United Nations network of scientists. This scientific panel has explained the dry details of global warming in thousands of pages of footnoted reports every six years or so since 1990.
What a prestigious award. Too bad Arafat’s dead – they could have been BFF.
• Uh oh, don’t you know that …well, whatever the hell is going on here…
The Muslim Students Association at UTSC has ignited a fierce debate on the particulars of halal food on campus, refusing to support a long-awaited halal option at a Bluff’s, a UTSC campus restaurant.
The result of numerous faculty, staff and student requests, the new menu was introduced to the campus on May 29, making all chicken and beef options certified halal. Despite this, many MSA members say that any establishment that also serves alcohol and plays dance music is an unsuitable environment for their dietary needs.
…is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male?
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