10/16: Book Funds Are For The Dogs
10:15 p.m.
• Only one thing to talk about but boy it’s a doozy. This evening the better half was in the bedroom watching Golden Girls or some shit when the phone rang. The caller ID identified the call as from the university where she works. Figuring it would be her boss in the office late or the newly hired work-study for what reason or another, I picked up the phone. I should had known better when the girl said, “May I speak with Mrs. kkk?” but I figured it could be the work-study person acting all professional and shit. Guess who it was? Some college student pseudo telemarketer asking her to donate to this thing called the “Book Fund.” What is the Book Fund you ask? This fundraising drive to help students pay for the “ever-rising costs of education.” You got to be shitting me.
I never understood this logic. You take out tens of thousands of dollars in tuition and boarding fees (if you’re a dorm student), and you can’t afford to pay for your books. Are you shitting me? But kkk, it’s 2007. Books are Xpensive. Get the fuck out of here, you pathetic sniveling little bitches. Want to know what my Book Fund was? My paycheck. Get a job and quit your whining. Oh if my alma mater would call me with this kind of shit. Then again, I don’t bother to respond to any of their fundraising material I get in the mail, so I probably wouldn’t bother to pick up the phone if the ID gives the name of my school
• OK, I lied. Mrs. kkk told me about this story today and I had to read it for myself.
Although she may not be in trouble with the police, Ellen DeGeneres is having some problems with the pooch patrol. Apparently even celebrity pets have legal troubles, too.
The talk show host and her partner, Portia DeRossi, adopted a Brussels Griffin mix dog named Iggy in September. After dog was too rambunctious for Ellen's cats, she gave away Iggy to her hairdresser's two preteen daughters.
Mutts and Moms, the pet rescue agency Ellen adopted Iggy from, said Ellen violated a contract she previously signed during the adoption process. The contact stated that the dog would return to the agency if she couldn't keep it, the AP reports. Because Ellen didn't notify Mutts and Moms about Iggy's change of address, the agency went to the hairdresser's home to take the dog away from the two girls.
If Monday's sob filled episode wasn't any indication, Ellen is torn to pieces over the ordeal.
"Because I did it wrong, those people went and took that dog out of their home, and took it away from those kids," Ellen said on Monday's show with a soggy Kleenex in hand. "I feel totally responsible for it and I'm so sorry. I'm begging them to give that dog back to that family."
I think I’ve established over the years that I’m a pets > people person, but I’m actually going to side with the shelter on this one. Hey, Ellen, you didn’t follow the rules of the contract. I don’t give a shit about your boo-hooing. If anything, you should have taken the dog back to the shelter, explain the situation and do some transfer thingy to the other family. Rules are rules, even if they are stupid. If you are pitching a fit over this, imagine what will happen when Big Government takes over your health care and doesn’t allow you to see the physician of your choosing. Say, maybe we can accuse the shelter of a HATE CRIME. That’ll fix it. Oh, I’m not worried about the dog. This pooch is going to get snagged up so fast it’ll probably make your head spin. But the dog is away from its FAMILY. It’s a dog. Give it a bowl of food and an asshole to sniff and the animal will go, “Who were those people I sniffed the other day?”
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