Review: WCW Monday Nitro, 3/31/97, from Roanoke, Virginia.
The NWO have arrived....
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Anyway, the first match is Lex Luger and The Giant vs. Roadblock and Rick Fuller. Giant chops Fuller HARD early on in the corner, clotheslines him, then tags in Luger. Luger goes up to the 2nd rope, and comes down hard with a double axehandle. Fuller pokes Luger in the eye, and tags in Roadblock. Roadblock with a big avalanche, and some other shitty oldschool offense. Roadblock misses an elbow drop from the 2nd rope, and The Giant is on his way in. Superkick by the Giant (wtf) and then Giant clotheslines both of his opponents. The CHOKESLAM and POWER RACK, OMG finish at 5:00. After the match, Harlem Heat run in and attack Luger and the Giant. There's a 4 way match at Spring Stampede, see. *1/4. Harlem Heat then have an interview, they're the Patriots cause they get no respect, and Sherri says they will divide and conquer on Sunday. Whatever.
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Now there's a women's match that I'm not rating, because the incompetent commentary team didn't tell me who they were. Not only that, I don't rate women's squash matches. A regular match is different. This is part of a "Ladies Cruiserweight Title" tournament, and I can only assume this angle was dropped, because the crowd just doesn't care.
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Villano IV vs. Psychosis is the next match...and both wrestlers do a lucha sequence where they armdrag each other and kip-up. To the chinlock we go, until Villano decides he wants to rana Psychosis. Psychosis with a spinning heel kick to knock Villano to the floor, and he follows that by going up to the top and getting a HUGE corkscrew moonsault, landing on Villano IV, on the floor. Backstage, the NWO is having some problems. Hogan, Hall, Bischoff, DiBiase, and Vincent are at Dennis Rodman's movie premiere. VK Wallstreet is the one with problems...back to the ring, and Villano gives Psychosis a fisherman belly-to-belly suplex. Strange move. He misses a moonsault, and a Psychosis superkick and guillotine legdrop finish at 4:25. *3/4, could have been better.
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RIC FUCKIN' FLAIR is on his way to the ring, for an interview with Mean Gene, and Roddy Piper eventually joins them. Flair wants to go party with Piper, and Piper says ok. Then they leave. That.was.pointless.
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Prince Iaukea vs. LA PARKA is the next match, and it's for Prince's TV Title. La Parka misses a charge toward the turnbuckle, but he comes back with a spinning heel kick. Both guys REALLY blow a springboard moonsault spot, and La Parka could have really hurt Iaukea there. Prince charged in toward the turnbuckle and nearly was met with a flying knee to the top of the head. Idiot. It was his fault, IMO. Anyway, a La Parka senton bomb (senton is no flip, remember) gets a 2 count. A double jump moonsault by La Parka gets the same. Somehow both guys wind up on the outside, and Prince springboards off the ropes with a body press. La Parka has his chair, cause he's chairman of WCW. He sits Prince down in the chair, and does a suicide dive onto him. Prince superkicks La Parka back on the inside, but misses a crossbody. La Parka kicks the chair onto Prince, and then he does some Sabu thing where he uses the chair to springboard and jump into Prince. A Prince crossbody off the top rope out of nowhere gets the pin at around 5:05. Way too many blown spots. 3/4*.
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The next match is Lord Steven Regal vs. Chris Jericho, and prior to the match, Regal has some words for the people out there. Rey Mysterio's a dwarf, and Rey will get the first shot at the TV Title if Regal wins it at Spring Stampede. The crowd chants USA, which makes me laugh for obvious reasons, and Regal begins the bout with some mat wrestling, and a drop toe hold. Jericho clotheslines him, and gives him a spinning heel kick. A springboard dropkick and suplex follows from Jericho, and he's in control. A lionsault from Jericho gets a two count, and Regal gives him a stiff kick to the midsection. Jericho then rolls up Regal at 2:27 for THE WIN! I'm very surprised. *. Regal attacks Jericho post match, he gives him a huge halfnelson suplex off the top turnbuckle. whoa. A piledriver and the Regal Stretch follows, and the Renegade and Joe Gomez come out to help Jericho, but Renegade doesn't want to. What the hell? Gomez gets piledriven, and Lenny Lane and Billy Kidman come out and try to help. But they can't. The beatdown was fun...
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This is hour two...and we find out that VK Wallstreet is leaving...and there's another women's match I'm not reviewing or rating. Akira Hokuto is in this one, and post-match, Hokuto attacks Madusa. Following that, there's a video package highlighting the past of Sting. And this package shows how far behind WCW is compared to WWE in this sense.
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The next match is the Amazing French Canadians w/Col. Robert Parker vs. Jeff Jarrett and Mongo McMichael w/Debra. OH CANADA, OUR HOME AND NATIVE LAND. Sorry. This match really, really sucks. Mongo chopblocks the AFC's, and Public Enemy hits the ring. They try to take the Haliburton briefcase, but Robert Parker winds up with it, and he tosses it in to Jacques Rougeau, who hits Mongo with it for the win at 3:00. Just, no. DUD. Mean Gene comes to the ring, and Mongo wants to know why Jeff has the briefcase. He thinks Jeff was the one that hit him with it.
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DDP is facing off against a guy my brother said was named Lance Ringo..and it ends quick with a DIAMOND CUTTER out of a firemans carry position. It kinda looked like an F-5. 1:43 is the time, and 1/2* is the rating. Randy Savage is in the crowd with a mic, and he says he finally found out what DDP's name was. But he's still wonderin' if DDP has family jewels. Oh, you.
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The last match is The Steiner Brothers vs. High Voltage. I love the Steiners music. STEINERLINE! It's so overly corny. Scott starts with a pumphandle slam, and Rick comes in with a STEINERLINE. RUFF, RUFF, RUFF (just doin' the Rick thing). Rick with a release German suplex, and Rage rams Rick's head into the ringpost. Rick has a problem with his head, see, so he's hurt. A Kaos neckbreaker follows, and Rage comes in and misses a springboard rolling senton. He almost jumped all the way out of the ring, lol. Scott's in, an overhead belly-to-belly, press slam and the STEINER SCREWDRIVER finishes at 3:30. I love that move, so the match gets * as a result.
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The NWO invade the broadcast table now, and Nash will fight WCW by himself if the other NWO members don't want to show up.
End of show
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That sucked. Sucked dick. From now on, I'm not going to give Nitro a full review unless there's something important, like a title change, or important match or angle. There was literally nothing here except for some matches. NOTHING. It's a waste of my time to type all this up unless there's something worth doing so, for. Here's what it'll look like next time if nothing good happens.
Steiners vs. High Voltage: *, good Steiner Scredriver in there led to a Steiners win
DDP vs. Lance Ringo: 1/2*, inventive Diamond Cutter...
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Yeah, like that. Hopefully, I don't have to, because I want to be entertained and given something worth watching.
Rating: Bad.
Best match: Lord Steven Regal vs. Chris Jericho: the one time on the show something good happened.
Worst match: Jeff Jarrett and Mongo McMichael vs. The Amazing French Canadians.
Until next time...
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