Review: WCW Starrcade: BattleBowl/The Lethal Lottery, from Atlanta, Georgia, 12/28/1992.
Oh yeah, BATTLEBOWL!!!! I'm tempted to make an out battle beat joke, but I can't do it.
___________________
It's JIM ROSS and JESSE VENTURA on commentary. This is the best possible combination of commentators in wrestling history. Eric Bischoff comes on screen to inform us that Rick Rude will not be able to contend for the WCW Title tonight. Well, gee. Instead, it's going to be Steve Williams. Not quite sure how I feel about that.
___________________
Tony Schiavone's in the ring with Bill Watts and Hank Aaron...this is funny, and surely in the way that you're probably thinking of. Considering how Aaron got Watts fired, and all. The winner of BATTLEBOWL gets a ring next year, so Sting, who won the last BATTLEBOWL, gets a ring this year. That was a serious WTF, I mean, why not just present the ring to the winner of this year's BATTLEBOWL tonight? Anyway, Sting gets his ring and all. As a result of winning last year's BATTLEBOWL, Sting is automatically drawn into a match as part of the Lethal Lottery. And now...we go to Larry Zbybyszszszko and Missy Hyatt, for the first 4 names drawn in the LETHAL LOTTERY.
___________________
The first match is...VAN FUCKING HAMMER and Dangerous Dan Spivey vs. Cactus Jack and Johnny B. Badd.
Wow. I know the Lethal Lottery wasn't legit, but one could believe that it was, with the combinations that get spit out. At the end of the match, Van Hammer's pinning Cactus, but Hammer gets up when Badd comes in, and that causes Badd to elbowdrop Cactus Jack. Cactus then pushes Badd, but gets punched in the face, causing Van Hammer to get the roll-up and 3 count at 6:51. Spivey and Van Hammer are into the final stage of BattleBowl. On a side note, the dubbed entrance music for all the participants is quite catchy. *1/2. On another side note, Badd looks so homosexual that I nearly forgot to mention it in passing. It was like, "yeah, he looked gay." Not even anything more than that.
___________________
The second matchup of the teams drawn by Zbyszko and Hyatt is Dustin Rhodes and Big Van Vader w/Harley Race vs. Kensuke Sasaki and the Barbarian. More weird stuff on the surface, BUT, Dustin Rhodes faced Vader in the King of Cable Semifinals. Something to watch for.
Dustin Rhodes is really over. Really. Anyway, Sasaki's not very well inclined to be doing a match over here. Nobody knew who he was. Barbarian and Vader are stiff as fuck, so this is pretty good stuff, albeit short. Barbarian accidentally runs into Sasaki, who's on the ring apron, so he gets rolled up by Rhodes for 3 at 6:56. I thought for sure that Sasaki would take the fall. Like I said, I try hard not to think about or look for results of the events that get posted on this channel. Something like this show was very easy to forget. Match was **. After the match, Race and Vader attack Dustin. Race gives him a kneedrop, after Vader gives him a clothesline. What nice guys.
___________________
The next result of the draw is Barry Windham and THE GREAT MUTA vs. 2 Cold Scorpio and Flyin' Brian. I love that second team.
Scorpio does a bit of crazy shit throughout, namely a slingshot 450 kneedrop. I shit you not. Muta and Windham are clearly saving some energy for later. Windham gives Scorpio a lifted DDT, and Muta comes off the top rope with a moonsault for the finish at 6:59. **1/4. Short and energetic, which is certainly nothing to complain about.
___________________
The last Lethal Lottery match, obviously featuring Sting...is he and Steve Williams vs. Jushin Lyger and "you had me until right there" Erik Watts.
The main thing I'm sure people (Smues included) want to know about the match was...was the DROPKICK that bad. Yes. Yes it was. Watts kicked his opponent with one foot, in the knee. Not to mention, he looked like he was standing up. I was laughing so hard that I didn't even see who he kicked. I think it was Lyger. Anyway, he gave another dropkick to someone, which looked shitty too, if not as bad. It's really hard to say I've seen a worse dropkick than the famed WATTS DROPKICK. The rest of the match was solid. Watts gave Williams a shitty STF that he sold like death, which really bothered me. So after reaching the ropes, Williams gave Watts a hotshot, to win the match at 9:08. I can't believe anyone would let Bill Watts push his son like that. Awful isn't the best word to describe Erik. It was just as bad watching JUSHIN FUCKING LYGER be his tag partner, and have to make the hot tag to Watts. Honestly, the first three participants I named are 3 of 4 guys who would be in a dream match. I can't rate it too poorly. *3/4, with stars obviously knocked off because of Watts participation.
___________________
So, the final eight who will be in BATTLEBOWL are Dan Spivey, Van Hammer, Big Van Vader, Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham, the Great Muta, Sting and Steve Williams.
___________________
Tony Schiavone and Larry Zbyszko talk about the upcoming match between The Great Muta and Masahiro Chono for the NWA Title. Well look, here it is! The NWA Title is the Big Gold Belt, FWIW.
Ok, that was dogshit. Bad as it was, I thought it would be like this. The style of the match isn't going to cater to an American fanbase. It was puro-ish. Not only that, but the finishing sequence blew dog dick. Chono won with the STF at 12:49. It seemed much longer than that. Much. It's kinda hard to rate this, because of the way it went. I'll just call it a DUD and leave it at that. If I was able to write a full review, it would sound like this is a great match. It really wasn't. Both were lazy as hell.
___________________
We clip to a WCW Saturday Night...well, clip, that talks about Rick Rude's US Title possibly being stripped as a result of the herniated disk in his back, and the same may be the case for his status as the #1 Contender for the WCW Championship. Rude then comes to ringside during the "live" feed, and says that WCW is conspiring against him. He wound up being stripped of the title and didn't wrestle until April.
___________________
The next match is the match that Rude was scheduled to participate in, for the WCW Title. I'd like to have seen what would've happened had Rude been available for this show. It's Steve Williams vs. Ron Simmons.
Jim Ross has about 20 orgasms during this match while talking about OU and FSU. I wasn't surprised in the least. It's a very strange, long match. Too long. Williams works Simmons over, and given Simmons limitations, it's not as pretty as when Williams does it to better workers. The formula doesn't quite work. Not only that, it's really, really slow. When Simmons does his Hogan-esque charge, he gives Williams a spinebuster, and returns the favor from earlier, with a few chopblocks. Williams did that a few minutes ago, see. Simmons flies through the ropes to the floor, and now they brawl on the outside. Simmons accidentally clotheslines the ringpost, and that leads to a Double Countout at 15:12. Both wrestlers fight after the match, and Williams gives Simmons a face smash to the canvas off the top rope, which causes the referee to change his decision to a DQ win for Ron Simmons. The crowd liked that. They liked Simmons too, which explains why they liked that. Anyway, I thought it was a pretty shitty finish. You can't give your babyface champ a clean win at Starrcade? But this is WCW, so I shouldn't be surprised. *1/2.
___________________
Tony and Larry are on again, talking about the tag title match. See, Barry Windham attacked the champions at Clash XXI, after losing the titles to them while teamed with Dustin Rhodes. Anyway, WCW's tag team scene in 1992 was great.
___________________
So, yeah, the next match is Flyin' Brian and Barry Windham vs. Shane Douglas and Ricky Steamboat for the WCW World Tag Team Titles.
Here's what I noticed during the match, that was only somewhat related to the match itself. The floor is disgusting. Shane Douglas was thrown out of the ring, and when he came back in, his back was blackened with dirt and food crumbs. Gross. For things related to the match...the heat segments were awesome. Really great stuff. Windham and Pillman (mostly Windham) just beat the shit out of Douglas and Steamboat between hot tags. Yes, there were two. First heat segment was with Douglas, and the second with Steamboat. My only complaint is that after the second hot tag, the finish came a bit too quickly. But as far as tag team wrestling goes, it's hard to find many matches better than this. Douglas cleaned house when tagging in, and Steamboat gave Windham a crossbody which put both guys out to the ramp that was connected to the ring in the old WCW days. Then Douglas gave Pillman that belly-to-belly suplex of his, to finish the match at 20:02. This pretty much rocked it. I read somewhere that Scott Keith gave this **1/4. He must've been on drugs. This was an easy ****1/4. Easy. If you like tag team wrestling, it's worth looking for this match. Douglas really could take a beating then.
___________________
Prior to Big Van Vader w/Harley Race vs. Sting in the King of Cable Final, we get a clip of Sting attacking Vader at one of the WCW TV shows. Probably WCW Saturday Night.
This is another fantastic match. There are many great spots, and I'll name all of them. Sting gives Vader a german suplex, putting Vader on his head. That was worth a YO. After that, he clotheslines Vader over the top rope, which knocks Vader's mask off. Then, Sting comes back into the ring quickly, and pescado's onto both Vader and Race. That's certainly not the last of the WOW spots. Sting places Vader on the top later, and gives him a DDT from up there. Not Randy Orton style, I mean he followed him up there and gave him a DDT. That was great. Moving on, Vader's standing at the guardrail, and Sting tries a STINGER SPLASH. Unfortunately, he misses, and now Vader goes to work. I've gotta say, Ross' commentary throughout the match is fantastic. I can't quote it, because it doesn't give off the same vibe as the desperate situation he describes the match to be. Vader's giving Sting a real beating now. Vader's giving Sting rights and lefts, but Sting's doing the rope-a-dope strategy, much like Ross says. Vader tries for a superplex later, but he gets pushed off by Sting. Because Sting's so beaten up, he falls off too. Sting then gives Vader a huge samoan drop, and gets a splash off the top rope for 2. Vader then returns the favor with a chokeslam after Race distracts Sting, and gives him a big splash from the top. Vader goes for another, but Sting pops up, and gives him a powerslam in mid-move, for the win at 16:50. Sting's the KING OF CABLE. ****1/2. That's probably one of my favorite matches. It would've been better had Vader been in full-on WHO'S THE MAN mode, but he wasn't, yet. Everything about the match was great.
___________________
Now it's time for BATTLEBOWL. Ok, Tony talked to Paul Hornung before the event...and during the conversation, he said this PPV was on Monday, the 28th of December. MONDAY? What the hell?
The eight participants in BATTLEBOWL are Dan Spivey, Van Hammer, Big Van Vader, Dustin Rhodes, Barry Windham, the Great Muta, Sting and Steve Williams.
Unfortunately, I couldn't keep times, and wikipedia didn't keep elimination times either, so I don't have them. I only have the order of elimination. Before the match, Vader attacked Sting on the entrance ramp. Heh. Sting's then on the ropes, and Vader charges into the ring, taking Sting with him. Van Hammer gets thrown out by Steve Williams, as Dustin Rhodes bulldogs Barry Windham on the ramp. Yeah, that broke something of Windham's, as you could see when he was bleeding later in the match. Sting puts Spivey out, and then, Vader charges into Sting, knocking both he and Sting out. They fight to the back or something, but I was surprised by Windham's blood, so I didn't notice it. The final four are Rhodes, Windham, Muta and Williams. Dustin and Barry beat the crap out of each other, until Williams knocks himself and Rhodes over the top rope. So it's the partners from earlier, Windham and Muta. The crowd liked that. Windham gives Muta a superplex, and then dropkicks Muta over the top. Windham's celebrating, BUT, Muta skins the cat back in, and gives Windham two dropkicks to send him out of the ring. The Great Muta is the winner of BATTLEBOWL. And that's the end of the show, too. 6/10 for a less than spectacular battle royal.
___________________
Rating: Good. It's a must watch show because of the two FANTASTIC matches, but the retardedness of BattleBowl isn't something I would have paid the PPV amount for. When reviewing these, I try to think of the overall rating from the mindset of what I would have thought had I paid the full price for the PPV. I may not have even bought it because of BattleBowl. That's a bad thing. I know I wouldn't have bought BattleBowl '93, although I really want to see it now. Nostalgia factor, and all.
Best Segment: Vader vs. Sting in the King of Cable Final. It was awesome.
Worst Segment: Uh, outside of Erik Watts' dropkick, it has to be Muta vs. Chono. It was awful.
Loudest Sound: Dustin Rhodes, Cactus Jack, Sting, and Vader.
No Sound: Masa Chono, Dan Spivey and Van Hammer, Erik Watts, and Kensuke Sasaki.
___________________
I'll be typing up the Bash at the Beach review in a few days. I'm not promising anything, but if I'm able, I'll post thoughts and not a review about the other shows that are on 24/7 this week.
13 Comments
Recommended Comments