1/28: Getting The Most Mileage Out Of An Old Sing-A-Long
6 p.m.
• So I’m still in way over my head at the new job. Nothing surprising with that. However, this got a LOL moment for me. For last week’s trip she said for me to include the mileage it took to drive to the airport. Now I already got some per diem check, which was good enough for me. However, the boss also said to include mileage and the $4 parking toll Mrs. kkk had while waiting for my flight to arrive. (Part II of this story, which started on Saturday, will be arriving shortly – just like how my flights were last week.) The boss said to use the federal mileage rate – something like 45 cents per mile. And why did this make me laugh? Would you care to guess what the mileage rate was at my former place of employment? For every guess in the “comments” section I’ll let you know if the correct answer is “higher” or “lower.”
• Uncle Ted endorses a black man for prez. Some feminazi group says this:
“Women have just experienced the ultimate betrayal. Senator Kennedy’s endorsement of Hillary Clinton’s opponent in the Democratic presidential primary campaign has really hit women hard. Women have forgiven Kennedy, stuck up for him, stood by him, hushed the fact that he was late in his support of Title IX, the ERA, the Family Leave and Medical Act to name a few. Women have buried their anger that his support for the compromises in No Child Left Behind and the Medicare bogus drug benefit brought us the passage of these flawed bills. We have thanked him for his ardent support of many civil rights bills, BUT women are always waiting in the wings.
“And now the greatest betrayal! We are repaid with his abandonment! He’s picked the new guy over us. He’s joined the list of progressive white men who can’t or won’t handle the prospect of a woman president who is Hillary Clinton (they will of course say they support a woman president, just not “this” one).
At this point, do I really need to make a remark about pondering whether or not leaving someone in the back seat of a car to drown counts as "betrayal"?
Sure I do.
Here's an oldie but goodie...
...hit it.
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.
You take one down,
Your passenger drowns,
98 bottles of beer on the wall...
98 bottles of beer on the wall! 98 bottles of beer!
You take one down,
You hit the town,
97 bottles of beer on the wall...
97 bottles of beer on the wall
97 bottles of beer!
If one of those bottles
should happen to fall
96 bottles of beer on the wall...
96 bottles of beer on the wall! 96 bottles of beer!
If one of those bottles should happen to fall
Forget Mary Jo 'cause she's started to pall
No need to report it, there's no need at all
95 bottles of beer on the wall...
95 hhashurhfajjfj
AIIEEEE!
95 lkkldnfklsdnjsdvhdfw
passh JDFWBA OKVKSN ogjekvirjverlkvuhjwrpihgw
94 dbjfjcovkerhjbchue...
94 bottle of beer on the wall
94 bottles of beer
Take one done
Pass it around
93 bottles of beer on the wall...
92 to bottles of beer on the wall
92 bottles of beer
take one off
give it to Hoff
91 bottles of beer on the wall...
91 bottles of beer on the wall
91 bottles of beer
take one off
give it to Hoff
he-drives-off-a-bridge-IN-ANGER-and-leaves-his-campaign-staffer-in-the-back-seat-to-die-a-miserable-death
90 bottles of beer on the wall...
90 bottles of beer on the wall! 90 bottles of beer!
Take a drink
Watch a young girl sink
89 bottles of beer on the wall...
89 bottles of beer on the wall! 89 bottles of beer!
Drink another and wait
Let her suffocate
88 bottles of beer on the wall...
88 bottles of beer on the wall, 88 bottles of beer.
Off a bridge you drove
Blame it on Karl Rove
87 bottles of beer on the wall...
87 bottles of beer on the wall! 87 bottles of beer!
Guzzle one quick, you drunken old mick,
It's too late for Mary at Chappaquiddick
86 bottles of beer on the wall...
86 bottles of beer on the wall, 86 bottles of beer
Your face is red
This is a great thread
85 bottles of beer on the wall...
85 bottles of beer on the wall, 85 bottles of beer
Drink n' guzzle
Watch the bubbles
84 bottles of beer on the wall...
84 bottles of beer on the wall! 84 bottles of beer!
Swill it on down, you miserable clown
You couldn't possibly get elected anywhere but Massachusetts and at least the President managed to graduate from Harvard rather than being expelled twice for cheating on exams and oh he never cheated on his wife either or tried and failed to have sex with a woman while lying on a restaurant floor in a drunken stupor you disgusting morally leprous decrepit filthy scumbag
83 bottles of beer on the wall...
83 bottles of beer on the wall. 83 bottles of beer.
Get so drunk and you'll soon feel no pain
Bush is much worse than Saddam Hussein
83 bottles of beer on the wall...
82 bottles of beer on the wall. 82 bottles of beer.
My brother Jack nailed chicks with no fear.
If he didn't die, I'd have no career.
81 bottles of beer on the wall...
81 bottles of beer on the wall. 81 bottles of beer.
People who listen to my speeches get no relief.
My puppet Kerry was nearly commander-in-chief
Chug one more while my kidney's functions fall
80 bottles of beer on the wall...
80 bottles of beer on the wall. 80 bottles of beer.
Poor ol' Ted, his kid lost his leg.
But he's a democrat and deserves to suffer, according to crazy Meg.
79 bottles of beer on the wall...
79 bottles of beer on the wall. 79 bottles of beer.
Drug abuse, bootlegging, and cheating on women a lot
Just another day here in Camelot
Fuck you, we're rich and you're not
78 bottles of beer on the wall...
78 bottles of beer on the wall
78 bottles of beer
Fucking christ, his head's the size of a deer!
77 bottles of beer on the wall....
77 bottles of beer on the wall. 77 bottles of beer.
My voters I must scare,
With threatened cuts to Medicare.
76 bottles of beer on the wall...
76 bottles of beer on the wall. 76 bottles of beer.
Women's rights are a cause in which I place much stock.
"Hey, baby, wanna see my bloated cock?
"It's 2 inches long and hard as a rock"
75 bottles of beer on the wall...
75 bottles of beer on the wall, 76 bottles of beer
Care about politics I do not, even so
I'm always down to wreck on another Masshole.
74 bottles of beer on the wall...
74 bottles of beer on the wall. 74 bottles of beer.
I hate to sound daft,
But there's going to be a draft.
73 bottles of beer on the wall...
72 bottles of beer on the wall. 72 bottles of beer.
At least I didn't kill her by driving into a tree.
Did you know that my IQ was only 33?
My face has a startling resemblance to my knee
71 bottles of beer on the wall...
73 bottles of beer on the wall. 73 bottles of beer.
MikeSC had this number but Bush stole it you see
Just like he does with the trust fund for Social Security
71 bottles of beer on the wall...
71 bottles of beer on the wall! 71 bottles of beer!
Saddam Hussein has two dead sons
Ted's son lost his leg and his three brothers were all killed one of his sisters died in a plane crash and his family lobotomized another so she wouldn't embarrass them so we should be kind and understandiiiiiiiiiiiiiing 
70 bottles of beer on the wall...
70 bottles of beer on the wall. 70 bottles of beer.
Did you notice that my numbers aren't uniform?
You'd think I was writing my party's platform
69 bottles of beer on the wall...
69 bottles of beer on the wall, 69 bottles of beer
Heh heh, uh heh heh, uh heh he heh
69......
68 bottles of beer on the wall...
68 bottles of beer on the wall, 68 bottles of beer.
Dubs is a democrat,
and still thinks Ted's retarded and fat,
67 bottles of beer on the wall...
67 bottle of beer on the wall. 67 bottles of beer.
I got here through the deaths of Jack, Bobby, and Joe
Man, why couldn't I fuck Marilyn Monroe?
We both drink like fish, don't ya know?
66 bottles of beer on the wall...
66 bottles of beer on the wall, 66 bottles of beer
Where the hell are my pants...
....
And the girl...
65 bottles of beer on the wall...
65 bottles of beer on the wall! 65 bottles of beer!
Take one down, don't pass it around
Chug that motherfucker and reach for another
With Uncle Ted, we're out on the town!
Fuck it, we'll never get a fucking drink at this rate
64 bottles of beer on the wall...
64 bottles of beer on the wall, 64 bottles of beer!
Take one down, pass it around
I've fucked my state from my lofty perch
Because my junior is Senator Lurch
63 bottles of beer on the wall...
63 bottles of beer on the wall,
63 bottles of beer,
With fine English gin that my dad smuggled in,
62 bottles of beer on the wall...
62 bottles of beer on the wall. 62 bottles of beer.
My face has become almost comically thick
My nephew, well, he raped a chick
I can't speak English worth a lick
61 bottles of beer on the wall...
61 bottles of beer on the wall,
61 bottles of beer,
Put your sister in bed,
take a pick to her head,
60 bottles of beer on the wall...
60 bottles of beer on the wall,
60 bottles of beer,
Our Party's leadership is in trauma
Good thing we have Osama bin Obama
59 bottles of beer on the wall...
59 bottles of beer on the wall. 59 bottles of beer.
I don't like it when shotguns go "blam!"
Did you know my boy Kerry served in Vietnam?
Only thing I like more than liquor is a great big ham
58 bottles of beer on the wall...
58 bottles of beer on the wall, 58 bottles of beer.
With all that I can muster
This thread I will filibuster
Because it's an assault on my character and America has a time-honored tradition of Democrats filibustering extreme things like civil rights...
Still filibustering...
La la la...
So, how about those Red Sox?...
Is it last call yet?...
Wait, Robert "kkk" Byrd just offered a compromise? Well, shit.
57 bottles of beer on the wall...
57 bottles of beer on the wall, 57 bottles of beer.
KKK's sure was the best,
But let's not put this thread to rest,
56 bottles of beer on the wall...
56 bottles of beer on the wall, 56 bottles of beer
Ted laughed at the girl from the shore,
Let's watch Dubs post whore
55 bottles of beer on the wall...
55 bottles of beer on the wall, 55 bottles of beer
We'll say Roberts' son looks like a dork
So his daddy will end up like Robert Bork
54 bottles of beer on the wall...
54 bottles of beer on the wall, 54 bottles of beer
I think alternative energies are great
As long as they're away from my estate
53 bottles of beer on the wall...
53 bottles of beer on the wall. 53 bottles of beer.
A bitch was trippin in Chappaquiddick
Fuck I think my face was beaten with an ugly stick
52 bottles of beer on the wall...
52 bottles of beer on the wall
52 bottles of beer
Public school is so dear to my heart
But you know that my grandkids would never take part
And I will fight vouchers, shoot 'em down with a dart
Good schools are just for the rich, not the smart,
Keep all the commoners nicely apart,
But go on and vote for me when November starts,
I've gone for six lines and still haven't used 'fart,'
I've whittled hypocrisy down to an art...(whew, long one!)
...51 bottles of beer on the wall...
51 bottles of beer on the wall, 51 bottles of beer.
In Robert Bork's America we'd have no civil right
Which is why Robert's nomination we'll continue to fight
50 bottles of beer on the wall...
50 bottles of beer on the wall
50 bottles of beer
I hope this doesn't sound odd
But I could go for a waitress sandwich with Dodd
49 bottles of beer on the wall...
49 bottles of beer on the wall
49 bottles of beer
Please don't be rude and yawn
When I say Iraq is Bush's Vietnam
48 bottles of beer on the wall...
48 bottles of beer on the wall
48 bottles of beer
If you think I've drunk a lot in life
then you should see my ex-wife!
47 bottles of beer on the wall...
47 bottles of beer on the wall.
47 bottles of beer
I love alternative energy and so should you
just so long as it doesn't block my view
46 bottles of beer on the wall...
46 bottles of beer on the wall
46 bottles of beer
I ate chips of paint made from lead
Lord knows I'm not under fed
The only thing bigger than my ego is my head
I'm too fat to get chicks into bed
My speech is worse than Hillbilly Jed
I'm so worthless that I'd be better of dead
45 bottles of beer...
45 bottles of beet on the wall, 45 bottles of beer!
Why did God take John and Rob Kennedy?
Yet, I'll probably live 'till I'm 103?
44 bottles of beer on the wall...
44 bottles of beer on the wall
44 bottles of beer on the wall
i'm drunk has hell
know Mary Jo's dead
43 bottles of beer on the wall...
43 bottles of beer on the wall.
43 bottles of beer.
Fuck you, I'm drinking.
Cock smoker
42 bottles of beer on the wall...
41 bottles of beer on the wall
41 bottle of beer
my pops hated jews
now get me another brew
41 bottle of beer on the wall...
40 bottles of beer on the wall
40 bottles of beer
Some call me a murderous drunken Mick
But I wear, I drove off the bridge because she was sucking my dick
After she drowned I went back to the party and drank till I was sick
39 bottles of beer on the wall...
39 bottles of beer on the wall
39 bottles of beer
Ann Coulter wrote about me this week driving off a cliff
But those records are sealed, since I'm a hypocritical stiff
38 bottles of beer on the wall...
38 bottles of beer on the wall, 38 bottles of beer
It's really bad that a levee had to fail
But I have a court nominee to nail
37 bottles of beer on the wall...
37 bottles of beer on the wall, 37 bottles of beer
For all those drowned (during Katrinia) I'll yell at Bush for failing to react
Woah, wait a second. How ironic is that?
36 bottles of beer on the wall...
36 bottles of beer on the wall. 36 bottles of beer.
A nuclear energy industry is evil, really evil by far
Even though it's killed fewer people than my car
35 bottles of beer on the wall...
35 bottles of beer on the wall
35 bottle of beer
while right know i'm totally shitfaced
my nephew Bobby is a total disgrace
34 bottles of beer on the wall...
34 bottles of beer on the wall
34 bottle of beer
I'm babbling in front of a Chief Justice nominee
All his legal answers don't matter to me
I will still vote "no" because he's a facist Nazi
Because I'm all about the working family
33 bottles of beer on the wall...
33 bottles of beer on the wall
33 bottle of beer
This poster Matt Young I do not know
But I wish he was in that car with me and Mary Jo
32 bottles of beer on the wall...
32 bottles of beer on the wall,
32 bottles of beer.
I'll never mope,
I've got an indulgence from the Pope.
31 bottles of beer on the wall...
31 bottles of beer on the wall.
31 bottles of beer
I hate that Enron's collapse nearly made the economy crash
Shame my dad did worse to get his cash
30 bottles of beer on the wall...
THIR - TY BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL
THIR - TY BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL
SEEK! LO - CATE! EX - TER - MIN - ATE!
ALL RA - CES ARE IN - FE - RI -OR TO THE DAAAL - EKS!
TWEN - TY - NINE BOT - TLES OF BEER ON THE WALL...
29 bottles of beer on the wall. 29 FUCKING BOTTLES OF BEER!
WHAT THE HELL ARE THE HAWKS DOING? JESUS CHRIST, NO DAMNED POINT GUARDS?
No...FUCK Ted Kennedy. THIS is BULLSHIT!
28 bottles of beer on the wall...
28 bottles of beer on the wall, 28 bottles of beer.
Let's get this fucking thread over with because the same people posting here are complaining about Matt Young Appreciation Day SINCE THE HUMOR HERE IS SO STERLING AND GENIUS
3 27 bottles of beer on the wall...
27 bottles of beer on the wall. 27 bottles of beer.
Greengrocer can't count too well.
God knows what made Teddy's face swell.
26 bottles of beer on the wall...
26 bottles of beer on the wall. 26 bottles of beer.
Perhaps Greengrocer needs a v-chip for this thread
Because simply ignoring it by not clicking on its link must cause him dread
Oh yeah -- the senior Masshole Senator -- I can't wait until he's dead
26 bottles of beer on the wall...
(assuming) 26 bottles of beer on the wall, (assuming) 26 bottles of beer.
kkk forgot to subtract,
The universe is constantly in a quantum state,
Nothing can truly be called "knowable."
Life is ephemal, fleeting; all men die.
Subatomic particles wink in and out of existence, without purpose, without meaning.
i bottles of beer on the wall...
26 bottles of beer on the wall. 26 bottles of beer.
Thanks to my miscount, this order is distorted
Good thing Ted's pro-choice, so my last post is aborted
25 bottles of beer on the wall...
25 bottles of beer on the wall. 25 bottles of beer.
I tried to save a group from drowning with a friend and myself
This joke can write itself:
HYANNIS, Mass. U.S. Sen. Edward Kennedy attempted to rescue six men who had become trapped by high tide on a jetty off Hyannisport on Sunday.
The Massachusetts Democrat eventually left the rescue to Hyannis firefighters, The Cape Cod Times reported Monday.
Kennedy was walking his two dogs on the shore at 11:15 a.m. when he spotted the men cut off from shore by the rising waters. They had been fishing on a jetty that begins at the tip of the Kennedy compound.
Tides had risen over the patchy rocks, which made it difficult to walk back to shore.
Kennedy and a friend tried to rescue the men using a 13-foot boat but rough waters forced them back.
24 bottles of beer on the wall...
24 bottles of beer on the wall
24 bottles of beer
Harriet Miers would be a better nominee
If she'd just go for a ride with me
23 bottles of beer on the wall...
23 bottles of beer on the wall
23 bottles of beer
Though my liver is swelling and my BAC is gaining
For a drunkard like me, this is only pregaming
22 bottles of beer on the wall...
0 bottles of beer on the wall
0 bottles of beer...
you actually think that this drunken mick would let all this beer stay on the wall for this long?
22 bottles of beer on the wall. 22 bottles of beer.
True, they were all gone, as fast as a comet
But they're all back because I had to vomit
21 bottles of beer on the wall...
21 bottles of beer on the wall, 21 bottles of beer
BLACKJACK MOTHERFUCKER!
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
20 bottles of beer on the wall...
20 bottles of beer on the wall, 20 bottles of beer
At least when I get drunk I DON'T FUCKING KILL PEOPLE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT
19 bottles of beer on the wall...
19 bottles of beer on the wall, 19 bottles of beer
This thread was never funny except for Grocer and Sandman's jabs
Drawing a blank here, um... Jesus was really an A-rab
18 bottles of beer on the wall...
18 bottles of beer on the wall, 18 bottles of beer
I said for the Supreme Court Democrats don't do a litmus test
We look for candidates that are the very best
17 bottles of beer on the wall...
Aw hell, I need another brew for that last line of bullshit.
16 bottles of beer on the wall...
16 bottles of beer on the wall, 16 bottles of beer
Fat blimp ruins land
Whale brings shame to all people
Shut his huge pie hole
15 bottles of beer on the wal...
15 bottles of beer on the wall, 15 bottles of beer!
If one of those bottles should happen to fall
Then you will see a fat man bawl
14 bottles of beer on the wall...
14 bottles of beer on the wall, 14 bottles of beer
Bush lied about Iraq and we're keeping score
And please ignore all of the things we said before
13 bottles of beer on the wall...
13 bottles of beer on the wall, 13 bottles of beer.
Iraq is stockpiled with WMD and a hotbed for terror
Wait, it's '05, not '98, so sorry for the error
12 bottles of beer on the wall...
12 bottles of beer on the wall, 12 bottles of beer
Extremist Judge Al-lee-go doesn't think strip-searching a kid will scar her for life
It's even worse than drowning someone who isn't your wife
11 bottles of beer on the wall...
11 bottles of beer on the wall, 11 bottles of beer.
My children's book follows a day in my life,
I get drunk before noon and then cheat on my wife.
10 bottles of beer on the wall...
10 bottles of beer on the wall! 10 bottles of beer!
10 year-old girl was strip-searched and it "scarred" her
Oh how I wish they had let me guard her
9 bottles of beer on the wall...
9 bottles of beer on the wall, 9 bottles of beer.
As I get drunk, I talked a lot louda,
Er ah, er ah, Chowda, CHOWDA, CHOWDA
8 bottles of beer on the wall...
8 bottles of beer on the wall, 8 bottles of beer
Smashed during hearings makes them so much better
You can tell by my face getting redder
7 bottles of beer on the wall...
7 bottles of beer on the wall,
7 bottles of beer,
These GOP scumbags are far-right extremists,
But later this year they're still gonna cream us, EDIT: Uh, no
6 bottles of beer on the wall...
6 bottles of beer on the wall,
6 bottles of beer
I make judges' wives drown in their tears
And I don't have to drive or shift gears
5 bottles of beer on the wall...
5 bottles of beer on the wall,
5 bottles of beer!
I've had fun treating Judge Alito like a prick
Even though he could shut me up by saying, "Chappaquiddick,"
4 bottles of beer on the wall...
4 bottles of beer on the wall
4 bottles of beer
I'm bringing my children's book about Washington DC, to a 1st grad class
It's too damn bad, I couldn't save Mary Jo's ass.
3 bottles of beer on the wall...
3 bottles of beer on the wall,
3 bottles of beer,
30-plus years of being a drunk fatto,
Living in the depths of my dead brothers' shadow,
2 bottles of beer on the wall...
2 bottles of beer on the wall,
2 bottles of beer
Now it's last call and the drinks are on me
But you have to have a nice ass or size 34 D
1 more bottle of beer on the wall...
1 bottle of beer on the wall,
1 bottle of beer
The wall is bankrupt from what I can see
Just like George W. Bush's economy
No more bottles of beer on the wall! 
I'm headed to the store, I'll be back.
Well, this isn't going to end well. Here we go again.
*Still preparing the Pete Rock remix.*
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