9:15 p.m.

• As I’ve said before, Tuesday is usually grocery shopping day for the kkk household, and that means my Jew-ness can come out in all its glory. There are many things in life you can’t control, especially when it comes to expenses. However, grocery shopping is a bona fide way to save money, especially if you are careful about what you spend. For me, it’s all about coupons and in-store sales. With few exceptions, if a product isn’t on sale and I don’t have a coupon (which gets doubled up to 99 cents), I don’t get it. Now Mrs. kkk isn’t nearly as bad as I am, but she has gotten more Jewish as the years have gone by. However, today I have reached my pinnacle.

I knew this was going to be a big coupon week. I generally look through the weekly circular on Sunday-Monday and get an idea of what’s on sale. I then go through my coupons and put the ones that feature on-sale products to the front of the line. I noticed that this week there were quite a few sale/coupon combos. (BTW: If my Sunday Tribune-Review has at least two packs of coupons, I will go out and get the Sunday Shittsburgh Post-Gazette. Yes, I’m that pathetic.) When we go to the store there are always in-store sales that weren’t advertised, so I’m also on the lookout for these deals, too. And boy were there some doozies. Some highlights:

French’s yellow and spicy brown mustard. On sale, $1 each. Two 50 cent off coupons doubled. Do the math.

Frank’s hot sauce. On sale, $1.79. One $1 off coupon.

Aleve gel caps. On sale, $2.99 for a pack of 20. Three 75 cent off coupons doubled.

Two cottage cheese/fruit combo packs. On sale, $1 each. One 55 cent off coupon doubled.

And so on.

At the end of this week’s shopping trip, I ended up saving $61.24 off a $144.15 order. But the best part of all. The self check-out machine refused to accept my order because it said, in tech jargon, that I had saved too much money, or at least that’s what the store employee who rang up my order told me.

I always find it amusing when I read stories about how people have to change their lifestyle due to the HORRID BUSH ECONOMY. Along with taking less exquisite vacations, one change I commonly read is that families now clip coupons and watch what they buy at the grocery store. Shit, I’ve been doing that since 1999 when I first started living on my own.