OVW TV Report for May 31, 2008
-Twinkletoes puts some MiraLAX in the Mobilehomers tea. This is basically Looney Tunes stuff, with a bunch of cup switching when nobody is looking. Twink ends up with the tea with the poop medicine. This is the opposite of entertaining.
-Your hosts are Dean Hill, Kenny Bolin and Twinkletoes
-Tonight we’ve got a tag title match with The Insurgency defending against the Men of Iron… Tommy McNaler defends the TV Title against JD Michaels… Joey Matthews vs. Rudy Switchblade… Chris Cage faces Johnny Punch… Anthony Bravado squares off against Josh Lowry…
Tank Toland vs. James Thomas
-Tank opens OVW for the 3rd week in a row. Tank goes behind Thomas, but Thomas uses his size to push him into the corner. Thomas hammers away on Tank. Tank floats over a bodyslam and starts punching Thomas. Tank flips over Thomas and does jumping jacks on his chest and then drops a big elbow. Cover only gets 2. Tank follows Thomas into the corner, but eats boot. Tank manages to sunset flip Thomas, but Thomas won’t go over. Thomas tries a sit-down splash, but Tank gets out of the way. Neck snap-dropkick combo by Tank. Tank showboats too long and Thomas regains control. Tank ducks a clothesline and catches Thomas in the Power Trip. 1…2…3… Tank gets the pin. Standard stuff from Tank Toland. * ½ .
-Dean tries to promote Jerry Lawler at Six Flags, but the MiraLAX starts kicking in on Twink, complete with ridiculous farting sound effects. This kind of shit is why OVW is terrible. There is nothing about this that is remotely funny. Well, maybe if you live in the South End of Louisville. And apparently Twink has shit himself. Now he’s shit in the community bathroom and the women have run out. I can’t begin to tell you how bad this is.
-Six Flags promo
-Bravado and Brewski compare training methods. Bravado lifts weights while Brewski lifts empty kegs. Brewski says he’s featured in Beer Drinker Magazine. They really could put on a good power match, I think.
Josh Lowry vs. Anthony Bravado
-Headlock by Lowry, but Bravado throws him off. Big slam by Bravado. Lowry slides out of a press slam and dropkicks Bravado in the back, but Bravado no sells that. Lowry ducks a clothesline, but gets caught in a spinebuster. He probably would have been better off taking the clothesline. Jackhammer puts Lowry down for the 3 count. Squash for Bravado. *
-Bravado has the mic and he has words for Jerry “The King” Lawler, who he will be facing at Six Flags on June 6.
-Six Flags promo… OVW Live Events…
-JD Michaels and Rudy Switchblade have a confrontation in front of the OVW Newcomer’s Trophy
Johnny Punch vs. Chris Cage
-I’m still a big Chris Cage fan. He needs to feud with Nick Dinsmore for the OVW Title. Cage and Punch trade wristlocks. Punch armdrags Cage down and locks in an armbar. Cage pushes Punch into the ropes and dropkicks Punch in the mat. Cage goes for the pin, but only gets 1. He starts wailing on Punch. Cage whips Punch into the corner and follows him in with a clothesline. Cage gets 2 with the pin. Another pin attempt only gets 2. Cage starts choking out Punch on the middle rope. Cage sizes Punch up for an elbow, but Punch gets out of the way. Punch tries to get some momentum going, but Cage puts an end to it with a knee to the head. Cage goes to a chinlock while driving his knee into Punch’s back. Punch tries to fight out, but gets hit with the knee. Punch ducks a clothesline and starts rattling off punches to Chris Cage’s head. Cage goes down after a big elbow. Punch almost botches a backdrop. Punch with the cover, but only gets 2. Apparently the fans in Louisville have just caught on to the “2” chant that was popular about 5 years ago. Cage blocks an Irish whip and elbows Punch in the back of the head. Cage goes for the pin and gets 3.
-Outside, APOC and Vaughn Lilas’s mystery man has given up on subtlety, ditching the envelopes and giving them straight up cash.
-Six Flags Promo
-We go to the house of Theta Lambda Psi to meet the Frat Pack. They tried this gimmick a year or so ago with a couple of the Spirit Squad guys. Then the Greek letters were Psi Psi Epsilon, which in Greek letters looked like WWE. Clever. This group is made up of Brent Wellington, Gavin Garrison and Ashley Streetman, so they all have the snooty name thing going for them. This should flop wonderfully.
Rudy Switchblade vs. Joey Matthews
-This should be pretty good. Just to note, Matthews doesn’t use entrance music. He’s a great heel in OVW. He’s just a dick that likes to beat people up. Matthews quickly goes behind Rudy and takes him to the mat. He lets Rudy up just to show him that he is in control. Also worth noting is that both of these guys are wrestling in jeans. Matthews starts working the arm and then slaps Rudy in the back of the head, showing no respect for the Newcomer of the Year finalist. Rudy flips out of the wristlock and slaps the taste out of Joey’s mouth. Rudy starts working on the arm and then slaps Matthews in the back of the head. Joey puts an end to that with a knee to the midsection. Matthews tosses Rudy over the top rope, but Rudy catches him self. Matthews almost doesn’t see Rudy climbing the ropes, but sprints over to catch him with a fist. Joey tries for a superplex, but Rudy pancakes him off. Rudy tries the frogsplash, but Matthews gets the knees up. Big knees to Rudy’s midsection. Matthews tries for a pin, but only gets 1. Matthews stomps away on Rudy’s abdomen. Big shoulder by Matthews into Rudy’s gut. Matthews goes for the pin and gets 2. Matthews drives the fist into Rudy’s head. He goes for the pin, but Rudy kicks out at 2. Abdominal stretch by Matthews. And Matthews turns the dick mode on and sticks his finger in Rudy’s eye while in the abdominal stretch. Back into the abdominal stretch. Matthews tries for a knee to the midsection, but Rudy catches him in a roll-up. 1…2… only 2. Rudy ducks the clothesline, catching Joey in a headlock. Joey lifts him up, but Rudy slides out. Rudy tries for a roll-up, but Matthews hangs onto the ropes. Rudy gets tossed to the apron. Matthews comes over, but gets popped in the head. Rudy flips onto Matthews with a senton. Matthews runs at Rudy, but Rudy pancakes him to the mat. Big neckbreaker by Rudy. Dropkick to the mouth of the seated Matthews. Rudy to the top… out comes JD Michaels and he pushes Rudy off the top rope while the referee was distracted. Matthews comes over and gets the 3 count. ** ½ . Good match from these two. The finish made sense, as it built up to the Six Flags match between Michaels and Rudy.
-Six Flags promo… OVW Live Events
TV Title Match
“Tubby” Tommy McNaler © vs. JD Michaels
Michaels takes the mic on the way to the ring. He says he’s the uncrowned TV Champion. Michaels challenges McNaler to defend the TV title without the Mobilehomers at ringside. McNaler has pride and accepts. Michaels jumps McNaler and starts hammering away. Michaels rakes McNaler’s face. This has been all JD Michaels. Big slam by Michaels. JD goes to the top… but out comes Rudy Switchblade. Michaels is distracted. Michaels turns around and walks into the Trailer Hitch (a renamed Acid Drop). McNaler retains. DUD, but the angle with Switchblade and Michaels was advanced. I really never want to see the Mobilehomers again.
Six Flags promo…
OVW Southern Tag Team Title Match
The Insurgency © vs. The Men of Iron
-This was supposed to happen at Six Flags on May 30th, but for whatever reason it is taking place tonight. Kenny Bolin says it was Bin Hamin that sent Rachel Ray the scarf that got her Dunkin’ Donuts commercial pulled. Way to be topical with your commentary, Kenny. Conway and Omar start off. Omar wins the first 2 tie-ups and retreats to his corner to praise Allah with his team. This is some solid racially motivated heel shit here. Bolin says he gets the sympathizer gas price of $0.75 per gallon while the infidels pay $4.95 per gallon. Conway shoulder blocks Omar down. He goes for the cover, but only gets 1. Pat Buck tags in. Omar ducks one double elbow, but gets caught on the return. The Men of Iron drop a double Iron Elbow on Omar. Buck with the cover, but only gets 2. Omar pushes Buck into his corner and tags in Ali. Ali slams Buck down and runs over to punch Conway. Buck reverses and Irish whip and takes down Ali. He runs to the corner and levels Omar. Ali is on the receiving end of a dropkick and Pat Buck has cleaned house! Buck gets pulled out of the ring. He gets distracted by Bin Hamin and Turcan Celik rams the Iraqi flagpole into Buck’s head. Pat Buck is now your Ironman-In-Training-In Peril. Omar rolls Buck into the ring and goes for the pin, but only gets 2. And now we go to commercial.
-Six Flags Promo
-Back to the action and The Insurgency is still in control over Pat Buck. Omar and Ali make quick tags and are wearing out Pat Buck. Cover only gets 2. Ali works the chinlock. Buck tries to power out, but gets slammed back to the mat. Omar tags in and drops an elbow on Buck. Omar chokes Buck with his boot. USA chant is coming on pretty strong. Ali tags in and puts the boots to Pat Buck. Buck tries to fight back, but gets kicked in the face. Ali tags Omar back in. Ali back in and The Insurgency double team Buck. Omar hold up Bucks head and Ali comes off the ropes with a big kick to the face. Ali goes for the cover, but Rob Conway break up the pin. Omar back in and the hammers away on Buck. Short clothesline by Omar. Ali tags in and chokes Buck on the bottom rope. Conway comes in to break it up, but referee Ray Ramsey cuts him off. Now Ali, Omar and Turcan are all working over Pat Buck. Ali tries for the cover 3 times and all 3 times Pat Buck kicks out. Front facelock by Ali. Classic tag team spot where Buck is almost to the corner and Omar comes in to distract the referee. Buck makes the tag, but Ramsey doesn’t see it, so Conway is sent back to the apron. Buck gets choked in the corner by Buck. Irish whip sends Buck into the corner. Ali follows him in for a splash, but Pat Buck moves! It is a race to the corner… Omar tags in and Conway tags in! Conway starts cleaning house. Big back drop on Omar. Ali gets tossed to the outside. Conway catches Omar’s foot and send Omar to the mat with a judo slam. Conway with the cover, but Ali pulls Conway off. Pat Buck comes down to take care of Ali, in the process distracting the referee. In comes Turcan and levels Rob Conway with the Iraqi flag. Omar picks up Conway and holds him in position for Turcan. Turcan runs at Conway with the flag, but Conway moves! Over gets leveled with the flagpole. Conway sends Turcan to the outside. Conway with the cover… 1…2…3… we’ve got new Southern Tag Team Champions!!! Not as big of a pop as you would think. *** Solid southern style tag match, featuring face-in-peril, hot tags, and backfiring heel cheating.
To close the show, we go over the Six Flags card… again.
OVW TV is getting worse and worse. The tag team division is the only thing worth watching. The TV title scene is dominated by the Mobilehomers and they are more concerned with playing pranks on Twinkletoes. The OVW Title doesn’t have any qualified challengers. I want to keep doing this through the summer, but it isn’t going to be easy. The tag match wasn’t bad, and neither was the Matthews/Switchblade match. The rest was pretty much squashes and poop jokes. What possessed Danny Davis to put poop jokes on TV is beyond me. WWE pulling their developmental deal might bring the death of OVW.
Anyway, here is the OVW Six Flags card for June 6th:
Jerry “The King” Lawler vs. Anthony Bravado
Southern Tag Team Title Match
The Men of Iron © vs. The Insurgency
Finals of the OVW Newcomer of the Year Tournament
Rudy Switchblade vs. JD Michaels
Jamin Olivencia vs. Joey Matthews
Chris Cage vs. Raul from Los Locos
Six Man Tag Match
The Mobilehomers vs. The Frat Pack
Femme-Fatale Tag Team Match
Serena © & Melody vs. Josie & Reggie
Igotta Brewski vs. Scott Cardinal