3/20: Coughing Up Some Bad Movies
• Ah the joys of relationships. Several days ago the better half got a cold, which of course was passed onto me just in time for the weekend. So as I spent my leisure time sweating one minute and shivering the next, there was another perk to this condition. Whenever we go to bed, she sounds like Kyle’s cousin from "South Park." If I’m not listening to her gurgle excess phlegm, I am awakened to her hacking a lung out several times a night. Tonight should be a joy.
• Thanks to Hawk 34 for pointing out that the first AFRICIAN-AMERICAN TO QUALIFY FOR A NASCAR RACE IN 20 YEARS finished an impressive 38th. Perhaps if there was a police car following him throughout the race, he would have finished with a better time. Actually, I think this guy will feel like an outsider for quite a while. Not because he’s black, but rather because he sounds quite articulate. No, this isn’t another “He speaks so well!” backhanded compliment that's given to a black person trying to fit in white society; he’s probably the most well-spoken NASCAR driver I’ve heard since, well, ever. Then again I don’t follow NASCAR, so maybe there are some other yankees who haven’t mastered the Southern drawl yet.
• And Hollywood wonders why people aren’t going to movies. Susan Sarandon is slated to play Cindy Sheehan in some hippie movie. Whoever makes this piece of crap deserves to lose the untold millions it would cost to produce.
• About a week ago I saw some of “The Simple Life,” and had no words to describe the horror I saw. I didn’t think there could be anything to top this. I was wrong. The sad thing this guy probably has a SAT score above 1300. I like the “Blue Collar” stand-up and all, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to a theater and shelling out $8 to watch some guy say “Git-R-Done” for 90 minutes. It would be interesting, though, just to see who does buy tickets to this film.
• When the World Baseball Classic concludes tonight, there will only be two players from Major League Baseball on display – pitcher Akinori Otsuka and outfielder Ichiro Suzuki. Big deal. The Pirates would kill just to get a hold of the South African roster. Oh, yeah. Go Japan; fuck those commies. Unless any want to defect after the game – then welcome aboard.
• And while I’m talking about March Madness, I have to give the Women’s Tournament props. They finally got someone to dunk. Uh, great, I guess. Then again, my vertical leaves something to be desired. On an unrelated story, a few years back I ran an office March Madness pool at work; if memory serves, I got about 70 people to pony up $1 and fill out their brackets. While an enjoyable experience and overall morale booster, the best part came when some feminazi asked me why I wasn’t doing a pool for the women’s tournament. I think my response of “What a great idea, and you’d only have to charge a quarter entry fee instead of $1,” didn’t totally offend her, but my ears were warm for the next 20 minutes or so.
Check that. The best part came when the chick who won the contest told me if it was OK that her husband was the one who filled out her bracket. While I didn't care who filled out these forms, it was fun giving her a guilty conscience for the next few days, especially since she was someone who cared about other people's feelings and well-being. Sucker.
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