One of the time-honored traditions of message boards includes the "Hey, look at this questionnaire I found. Let's have everybody at this place take it and see what their results are," thread. Over the years, one of the more popular features at TSM has been to get on the "Political Compass" and find out who are some of the bigger commies at this place (although we already know most of them anyway). However, I noticed that whenever I took this test, I always came back with a different score. One time I was a -.25 Economic Left/Right -1.13 Auth/Libertarian; in another instance I had a different result: 2.75, 0.36. Now I will take this test again, but instead of just posting the result, I'll also include my answers just to see why I'm the adorable right-wing fascist you all have come to know and love (or at least know). One disclaimer I should make about these kinds of surveys is that I very rarely select the "always" or "never" options since these choices come with that sense of finality. Well, without further ado, here we go:

PART I:

If economic globalisation is inevitable, it should primarily serve humanity rather than the interests of trans-national corporations.

Disagree.

All that “humanity” bullshit is nothing more than "progressive" psychobabble, and if one power is to take over the world, I’d rather be controlled by Wal-Mart than those thieving bastards at the United Nations because then at least prices will be low and I won’t have to worry about black helicopters circling around my house. Then again if there was a one-world government we might be able to buy computers for only $10. However, those computers probably wouldn't have CD-Burners installed on them. Then again, all this shit should be free anyway to each according to his needs. Now I have a headache.

I'd always support my country, whether it was right or wrong.

Disagree.

Much like my rule on giving "absolute" answers, I’m disagreeing with the absoluteness of this statement. If our country rounded up kitties for no good reason other than to just destroy them all I wouldn’t support that. Do whatever with the hippie indians, Uncle Sam, just leave my cats alone.

No one chooses his or her country of birth, so it's foolish to be proud of it.

Disagree.

I think that people who religiously celebrate their great-grandparents’ country of origin need to get a life, but for all of those pseudo-hippies that think we’re the Satan of the world, how come people risk life and limb to come over here on hand-made boats?

Our race has many superior qualities, compared with other races.

Agree.

Yes, us whiteys have some great qualities when compared with, say, Muslims, who stone their wives for exposing their sexy ankles in public. What? We used to burn suspected witches at the stake? Well, that was a long time ago. Besides, my people have many inferior qualities, too. For example, we can’t dance worth shit. We also couldn’t play cornerback in the NFL if our life depended on it.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Agree.

OMG WE GAVE SADAAM HUSSEIN THE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION THAT WE INVADED HIS COUNTRY LATER ON TO TAKE BACK FROM HIM. Yeah, and Stalin helped us win WWII. Even worse yet, France helped our nation gain its independence from the red coats.

Military action that defies international law is sometimes justified.

Agree.

With all the fucked up places out there, I prefer to go against the grain of what the rest of the world thinks.

There is now a worrying fusion of information and entertainment.

Disagree.

I agree with the point that the line between “news” and “entertainment” can be blurring at times, but I don’t consider it “worrisome.” What’s more troubling to me are the idiots who are unable to distinguish from between the two.

Developing...