WrestlingDeacon

Player Creation Template First Name: RJ Last Name: Frost Nickname: The Velvet Hammer Number: 40 Origin: Iceland Birth date: 1/09 Age to start: 22 Height: 6'8" Weight 296 lbs. Bats: switch hitter Throws: Right Position: First Base Batting Average - 2 vs. RHP, 2 vs. LHP Homeruns - 2 TALENT Drawing Walks - 1 Avoiding Strikeouts - 2 TALENT

I just caught the tail end of the special earlier today and it was 1776 that Lear helped with. Also, it was Alan Jackson in the Ladder to Heaven episode.

Manson is correct. The car was repossessed by the Repo Man, starting a feud between them. Jindrak gained revenge by capturing the You Are a Good Person title. It's almost like I think this stuff out in advance.

The ladder to heaven wasn't the 100th episode special. That was the war protest where Cartman goes back to 1776.

There's no way you can work in a "Carless" Mark Jindrak or Honky Tonk Orton sign is there?

I would say he's also got a little "BOOGIE WOOGIE MAN" JIMMY VALIANT in him as well.

Oh, no. I remember watching it. It was only a few episodes in though. The show was later retooled and centered around Foxx's wife, Della Reese. I remember that they added Jackee as her sister or something after Foxx died. Now, Michael Landon died shortly after making a pilot for the series Us. It was aired as a movie special after he passed away.

who went bald, like a guy he took a lot from SUPERSTAR BILLY GRAHAM

Other examples would be Ward Bond dying during Wagon Train, Redd Foxx dying during the Royal Family and Dolph Sweet dying during Gimme A Break. You also have Valerie/The Hogan Family, where they played it where Valerie Harper's character died and they brought in Sandy Duncan. Although she didn't die in real life, it's example of how 8 Simple Rules might handle things.

SWF: Our lesbians are better than your lesbians.

and the great blonde wrestler stole everything from him, BUDDY LANDELL. Were you thinking of another gread blonde wrestler?

I think there will be some initial interest, but unless it's completely retooled and Garner can catch on, then it will probably last just another season. I don't think ABC in good conscious would cancel it after this year and would let it limp on for another season. Bringing in Ed O'Neil would just spin the whole thing off into another realm and I don't think would be good for either him or Seagal. I love Farina and Stacey Keach. I think Keach is looking his age now and he was the dad on Titus. Norris would be very unique, but as said above, he certainly doesn't look his age and doesn't have the acting chops for this type of show. How about Andy Griffith? Although, I think he's older than Garner.

Garner has done comedy. Both Maverick and The Rockford Files had comedic elements and are often considered spoofs of their genres. He's also done comedic films, like Support Your Local Sheriff, Barbarians at the Gate and My Fellow Americans. His only pure sitcom was the short lived Man of the People on NBC in 1991, which I thought was funny.

I heard on the radio today that ABC has announced that James Garner will be joining the cast of 8 Simples Rules as Katy Seagal's father. An hour special will be airing in a couple months explaining the death of Ritter's character and introducing Garner. I'm a huge James Garner mark and it's nice to see him get a high profile role, but do they really want to put a 75 year old legend on a show that just had such a big death? They might have to change the title to 8 Simple Rules for Staying Alive. Here's a brief story from Yahoo on it.

Who has a Cobra tattoo on his shoulder, making him the instant enemy of SGT. SLAUGHTER.

Merge with the SWF. The corpse is starting to smell.

you can also add TED ARCIDI to that list.

HSW Love and Reese Cups for Sunday, September 28th, 2003 Live from the Butter Peanut Butter Forest near the Chocolate River at the foot of the Big Rock Candy Mountain Hosts: Jon Ian and Tod Keneley I HOPE I’M NOT PAYING FOR THIS OPENING SINGLES DARK MATCH “Doin’ it for the Children” Tony Stetson vs Flocknest Monster. Match Background: None. (Shame on Dames for not keeping up with my storylines) The Match: Monster takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Powerslam from Tony Stetson on Monster. There's a two count on the pin. Flocknest Monster is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Flocknest Monster kicks the leg, knocks Stetson down, and goes to work on it. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Hooks the leg for a two count. Diamond Dust from Flocknest Monster and Stetson is out! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Flying elbow from Flocknest Monster connects. Stetson reverses a waistlock. Messed up bodyslam by Stetson almost kills Monster. Hooks the leg for a two count. Flapjack from Stetson on Monster. Pin, but Monster is out just before the three count. Monster takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Tony Stetson connects on Flocknest Monster with a flurry in the corner...but no one seems to care. Tony Stetson gets taken down out of nowhere! Stetson takes a flying neckbreaker from Flocknest Monster. Power drive elbow by Flocknest Monster. That sounds like a feature on a 4 x 4, doesn't it. Flocknest Monster has Tony Stetson down on the canvas and is ascending the corner. Moonsault!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over. Winner: FlockNest Monster My Opinion: DUD. I refuse to say any more about it. (He goes to work on the leg by dropping a leg on the back of the head. Seriously, is Ronnie Garvin working as a trainer for us or what? “Tony Stetson connects on Flocknest Monster with a flurry in the corner...but no one seems to care.” It’s funny, because it’s true. Post match, Stetson reaffirms to the snoring fans that he’s “doin’ it for the children.” What? Losing? He’s jobbing for the children. Life sucks then you die, Tony’s just making sure that they know this. FlockNest Monster is pumped up by the win, until he remember that this doesn’t even close to making up for getting turned into one of those inflatable clown punching bags by the KISS Demon.) Overall Rating: 45% Crowd Reaction: 34% Match Quality: 56% YEAH, I FEEL MUCH BETTER ABOUT PAYING FOR THIS SINGLES MATCH T'Pol vs Lady Victoria. Match Background: None. The Match: Standing leg lariat by T'Pol on Lady. STIFF high kick on Lady by T'Pol. T'Pol just WAFFLES Lady with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! There's a two count on the pin. Second rope flying axe handle, Lady goes down. One day, T'Pol might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Hooks the leg for a two count. T'Pol charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Lady Victoria connects with some weak punches on T'Pol. Covers for a quick two count. Lady Victoria DDTs T'Pol in a move that is so poorly executed, you can actually see that T'Pol's head didn't touch the mat at all. T'Pol pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Lady walks into a face crusher variation. Has anyone's face ever really been crushed by one though? T'Pol has Lady Victoria down on the canvas. Vulcan Death Grip!!! Lady Victoria taps out! T'Pol remains in the ring, celebrating the victory. Winner: T’Pol My Opinion: DUD. That's about all I can say without getting into obsenities. (Check out that crowd reaction. There was all this jiggling and rolling around and the boys don’t really know why, but wow was it awesome. T’Pol is launching all these lads into puberty. Maybe I should bring back the breast flavored tea. Wait, kids don’t drink tea. Yo-hoo! Breast flavored Yo-hoo! I’ll make millions! Elizabeth Borden socks me in the mouth to bring me to my senses. And for the match being a DUD, Dames really OVERUSED capitalization to EXPRESS excitement where there WAS NONE! ) Overall Rating: 76% Crowd Reaction: 90% Match Quality: 45% EVEN SENILE STAN LEE ISN’T PSYCHED FOR THIS SINGLES MATCH Arachniman vs The Unfathomable Slag. Match Background: Slag and Arachniman have been feuding recently. Arachniman has yet to get an in-ring victory in this feud. The Match: Slag slams Arachniman down. Arachniman is sure in trouble now. Weak bodyslam by Slag. There's a two count on the pin. Slag walks into a drop toe hold. Slag gets caught with a belly to belly suplex from Arachniman! Arachniman drives a thrust kick into the chest of Slag. Hooks the leg for a two count. Northern Lights Bomb very nearly crushes the spine of Slag! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Slag gets caught with a short powerbomb from Arachniman. Slag counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Weak bodyslam by Slag. Covers for a quick two count. Side suplex from Slag. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Arachniman gets splashed in the corner. The Unfathomable Slag hits a right hand on Arachniman and follows it up with a couple more. Arachniman powers out of a headlock. Arachniman drives a thrust kick into the chest of Slag. Wicked suplex out of the corner from Arachniman, is executed so well, it hurt MY back. Arachniman scores with a forearm, sending Slag down into the corner. The referee pulls Arachniman away to get the break. Wait! Slag has pulled something out of his tights. Arachniman walks over...and gets floored by a punch! No, the referee saw the brass knuckles! We have DQ decision! Arachniman offers a handshake to Slag...and he accepts it! No! The Unfathomable Slag levels Arachniman with a cheap shot right hand! The Unfathomable Slag floors Arachniman. The Unfathomable Slag signals - Naked BUTT Drop! Arachniman has been floored after the match. Winner: Arachniman My Opinion: One SOLE bright spot in this match keeps it from going into DUD territory. 1/4*. (And you know what that sole bright spot was? The Naked BUTT Drop. That is the greatest finisher known to man, next to Repo Man’s double axe handle. It’s even more deadly now that Mideon is a hideous man monster. How that’s different from what he was before, I don’t know. I also have no clue why Arachniman would accept a handshake after winning by disqualification. “You booked it that way.” Shut up!) Overall Rating: 51% Crowd Reaction: 43% Match Quality: 59% FOUR WAY CLUSTERFREAK FOR A SHOT AT THE HSW TAG TEAM TITLES Chris Nowinski and Honky Tonk Orton vs Ding Dongs vs Irish Wolfhounds vs Subdued Flamboyance Match Background: This will be an elimination bout. Chetti and Nowinski have been feuding recently. So far, Chetti hasn't managed to get a pin or submission over Nowinski since the feud started. The Match: Ding kicks the leg, knocks Smith down, and goes to work on it. Implant DDT by Ding! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Tag to Dong. Standing leg lariat by Dong on Smith. Covers for a quick two count. Smith pushes out of a Dong hold. Smith tags out to Chris Nowinski. Chris Nowinski strikes Dong with a hard blow. Chris Nowinski DDTs Dong, but it just looked terrible. Tag between Chris Nowinski and Honky Tonk Orton. Nowinski \ Orton whip Dong into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Covers for a quick two count. Dong once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Orton walks into a high dropkick from Dong, almost losing several teeth in the process. Tag to The KISS Demon. Honky Tonk Orton takes a butterfly suplex from Demon. Covers for a quick two count. Orton tags out to Dong. Dropkick connects to the BUTT of the jaw and Demon goes down. Demon reverses a Dong hammerlock. Demon hits a piledriver on Dong. That used to end matches, you know. The ref gets into position, administers the three count, and it's over. The KISS Demon pins Dong. Demon walks into a high dropkick from The Nitroglycerin Kid, almost losing several teeth in the process. Tor-NADO DDT from The Nitroglycerin Kid, Demon got planted! Pin, but Demon is out just before the three count. Kid tags out to Chris Nowinski. Chris Nowinski strikes The KISS Demon with a hard blow. Tag to Davey Man Smith. SUPER frankensteiner on Demon, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. Springboard dropkick from Davey Man Smith. Nicely done. Cover gets three for Davey Man Smith, Demon got pinned. Powerbomb on Smith. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! BIG clothesline on Smith. Smith kicks Honky Tonk Orton in the gut to reverse the momentum. Smith uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! There's a two count on the pin. Smith tags out to The Nitroglycerin Kid. Irish Wolfhounds hook up Orton, then hit a double suplex. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Spin kick by The Nitroglycerin Kid to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Orton blocks a punch. Tag between Honky Tonk Orton and Chris Nowinski. Powerslam from Chris Nowinski on Kid. Chris Nowinski scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Davey Man Smith can barely stand. Double Underhook DDT! 1....2....3. Winner: Nowinski and Orton My Opinion: It was close to a ** match, but I just can't stand too many blown spots. *3/4 (76% match quality is a *3/4 match? What crawled up Dames BUTT and died. Smart money says Haku, when was the last time somebody saw him. Or maybe we got that because Ding went to work on the leg with an implant DDT. Or maybe it’s because Dames buys a punch as a finisher, but not a piledriver and we use it as one. I’m just going to stop even commenting on that, because it makes my brain hurt. “Chris Nowinski strikes Dong with a hard blow.” There’s a joke in there somewhere. Kaos: “You have a tag team of a guy in face paint and leather and a dude with multi-colored hankies and a garish fashion sense and I’m gay. I meant, I’m gay? That was a question, because I’m not gay. Not that I’m questioning whether I’m gay, because I’m not. I’m not gay. Uh, I need to go eat a steak and watch The Longest Yard.”) Overall Rating: 67% Crowd Reaction: 58% Match Quality: 76% RANDOM SINGLES MATCH OF RANDOM RANDOMNESS Paunch Estrada vs Hypoglycemic Harry Smith. Match Background: None. The Match: Dropkick connects to the BUTT of the jaw and Estrada goes down. Harry just WAFFLES Estrada with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! Harry Smith hits a rolling kick on Estrada. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Harry uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Estrada blocks a kick from Harry Smith. Hard back suplex on Harry. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Super kick by Paunch Estrada. There's a two count on the pin. Estrada walks into a drop toe hold. SUPER frankensteiner on Estrada, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. There's a two count on the pin. Diamond Dust from Harry Smith and Estrada is out! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Estrada ducks a wild right hand. STIFF high kick on Harry by Paunch Estrada. Harry backdrops Paunch Estrada out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Harry Smith. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Paunch Estrada tries to get a big slam, but it is blocked when Harry goes to the eyes! Harry Smith quickly scores with a field-goal kick between the legs! Paunch Estrada collapses! The referee didn't see the illegal blow! 1...2...3! Paunch Estrada got screwed! Harry Smith slides out of the ring to the floor, then turns and leaves through the crowd. He's happy to have the win, and evidently isn't going to hang around for Estrada to get some payback. Winner: Hypoglycemic Harry Smith My Opinion: These guys worked SO HARD...for a ** rating. Something went wrong somewhere, didn't it? (Hell, no! **, crack open the champagne. Smith requested this match and they give me the match of the night. Expect something a little extra in the pay bucket at the end of the week. *Sniff* “What is this shrimp?” *munches it down with glee, then eats the bucket*) Overall Rating: 69% Crowd Reaction: 60% Match Reaction: 78% SUPREME ASKED FOR THIS SINGLES MATCH BECAUSE HE THINKS THE BOSS MAN IS THE KOOL-AIDE MAN "Tatanka" vs Boss Man. Match Background: None. The Match: Boss Man hits a right hand on "Tatanka". Boss Man hits a sloppy double axe handle off the top. Covers for a quick two count. "Tatanka" blocks a kick from Boss Man. Wack kick from "Tatanka". "Tatanka" with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on Boss Man. One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. Covers for a quick two count. Sloppy discus punch from "Tatanka" barely connects on Boss Man. Pin, but Boss Man is out just before the three count. "Tatanka" slams Boss Man down. Boss Man is sure in trouble now. "Tatanka" charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Boss Man hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. Boss Man turns "Tatanka" inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Boss Man with a badly-executed spinning neckbreaker on "Tatanka". One more performed that badly and this match will end on a bad note, if you get my drift. "Tatanka" hits a punch, but takes one right back. Again! A slugfest erupts in the ring! "Tatanka" fights out of a grapple. Boss Man takes a right hand to the temple from "Tatanka". "Tatanka" DDTs Boss Man. "Tatanka" has Boss Man down on the canvas and is ascending the corner. Off the top - Mecca Toad Splash, forget about it. 1....2...3! Honky Tonk Orton comes running down the aisle, and gets into the ring! Honky Tonk Orton spins "Tatanka" around. Honky Tonk Orton hits the Shake Rattle and Orton! "Tatanka" has been left down on the canvas. Winner: “Tatanaka” My Opinion: When I give out 3/4*, it means that I'm being REALLY nice about it. (Ok, not quite as good results here. Then again it’s two fat, slow guys with a combined IQ totaling Gonzalez’s shoe size. Then again, 280EEE would probably make you pretty smart. Someone send Dames a memo, no inside jokes in the fed that is one big inside joke to myself.) Overall Rating: 60% Crowd Reaction: 54% Match Quality: 67% FOUR CORNERS MATCH OF FLOWERS AND SUNBEAMS FOR THE HSW YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON TITLE “Carless” Mark Jindrak vs Bank One vs Repo Man vs Ostentatious Orlando Jordan. Match Background: This will be a four corners bout. Repo and Jindrak have been feuding recently. So far, Repo hasn't managed to get a pin or submission over Jindrak since the feud started. This match is for the You Are a Good Person title. Mark Jindrak has been You Are a Good Person champion since 20 September 2003. The Match: Jordan takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Orlando Jordan takes a right hand to the temple from Repo. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Covers for a quick two count. Powerslam from Repo Man on Jordan. Jordan counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Big kick from Jordan staggers Repo but that's about it. Covers for a quick two count. Weak bodyslam by Jordan. Hooks the leg for a two count. Orlando Jordan misses a clothesline. Repo Man hits BO. Tag to Bank One. Jordan takes a flying neckbreaker from Bank One. Bank One hits a shaky delayed suplex on BO. Davey Boy Smith is looking down from heaven...and shaking his head in disapproval. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Diamond Dust from Bank One and Jordan is out! Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Tag between Bank One and Mark Jindrak. Orlando Jordan charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. Brutal sit out powerbomb on Jordan! There's a two count on the pin. Running knee lift from Mark Jindrak. Covers for a quick two count. Jordan walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Jordan tags out to Repo Man. Repo hits a piledriver on Mark Jindrak. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Running clothesline from Repo Man was actually MIGHTY sloppy. A weak headbutt on Jindrak by Repo causes nothing but pain for both. Mark Jindrak pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Mark Jindrak scores with a standing spinebuster. Mark Jindrak sets Repo Man up in the corner. Splash Mountain, forget about it. 1....2...3! Winner: “Carless” Mark Jindrak My Opinion: I'll give a 3/4 star rating, but only if you promise to improve as a booker. (Jindrak continues to buck the odds and hold onto his belt. If this keeps up I’ll have to upgrade his putz gimmick to either dweeb or spazz. Post match, Bank One and Repo Man’s eyes lock and they skip off to foreclose on an orphanage. A match made in heaven. Ostentatious Orlando Jordan skips after them. I’d call that whimsy. You’re not even trying anymore.) Overall Rating: 57% Crowd Reaction: 49% Match Quality: 65% THIS IS THE SUB-MAIN AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY WE SUCK Terry Funk vs Kaos the Blue Fairy. Match Background: Funker and Kaos have been feuding recently. Neither has managed to get an in-ring victory in this feud. The Match: Kaos receives some punishment by Terry Funk but with that horrid offense, we're the only ones truly being punished. Kaos the Blue Fairy is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Standing leg lariat by Kaos the Blue Fairy on Funker. Kaos the Blue Fairy misses a clothesline...and takes out the referee accidentally! DDT from the top rope by Kaos the Blue Fairy. That looked KILLER. Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out! Funker counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Terry Funk strikes Kaos the Blue Fairy with a hard blow. Powerslam from Terry Funk on Kaos. There's a two count on the pin. Flapjack from Funker on Kaos. Pin, but Kaos is out just before the three count. Kaos pushes out of a Terry Funk hold. Flying cross body off the top rope! Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Funker pushes out of a Kaos the Blue Fairy hold. The referee tries to separate the two grapplers...and gets knocked over and trampled on as they brawl! That's enough, the referee calls for the bell - double DQ! The fight has started up again! Terry Funk attacks Kaos, and they brawl all around ringside, then into the crowd! They eventually disappear backstage, still fighting. Winner: the status quo My Opinion: *1\2 rating. Hey, you wanted to make it harder on yourself, right? (C’mon, that was a good match too. Despite the crap finish, but we have to protect Terry Funk. Hence, all the childproof locks and baby gates backstage. I think Dames just doesn’t get the fed. Dames is holding me down. Dames is HHH. So, that makes Banky Stephanie right?) Overall Rating: 70% Crowd Reaction: 71% Match Quality: 69% THE SINGLES MATCH THAT KILLED THE OLD HSW AND MIGHT DO IT AGAIN FOR THE HSW WORLD TITLE Jimmy Jack Spock vs Sandman. Match Background: Sandman and Spock have been feuding recently. This match is for the HSW World title. Sandman has been HSW World champion since 03 September 2003. The Match: Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Jimmy Jack Spock ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Sandman comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Sandman connects with some weak punches on Jimmy Jack Spock. Sandman misses a clothesline...and takes out the referee accidentally! Sandman connects with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Does everyone use that move these days? Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out! Jimmy Jack Spock once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Sandman by Spock. Remember when that was a legit finish? Spear by Jimmy Jack Spock. Covers for a quick two count. Death valley driver (not to be confused with the DVD 500) by Jimmy Jack Spock connects and Sandman is down! Pin, but Sandman is out just before the three count. Sandman comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Messed up bodyslam by Sandman almost kills Spock. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Jimmy Jack Spock powers out of a Sandman headlock. Kaos the Blue Fairy comes running down the aisle with a chair! Sandman goes to irish whip Jimmy Jack Spock into the ropes. Kaos prepares to swing the chair...but Jimmy Jack Spock reverses! Kaos accidentally smacks Sandman with a chair to the back! Jimmy Jack Spock has Sandman down on the canvas. Here it comes...Vulcan Death Grip! Sandman taps! Sandman and Kaos are beating the hell out of Jimmy Jack Spock! Terry Funk sprints down the aisle and slides into the ring! He goes toe-to-toe with Sandman, exchanging punches, while Jimmy Jack Spock comes back, sending Kaos out of the ring with a clothesline. Funker \ Spock have cleared the ring, driving off Sandman and Kaos! Winner: Jimmy Jack Spock My Opinion: Sadly, a 1\2* match. (We have a new champion! Sandman’s been the champ forever. Mostly due to injury to his challengers, lack of challengers, rebooting of feds and getting me drunk on malt liquor and promising to keep the title on him. We now enter a new and exciting phase of HSW. September might be over, but it’s just the beginning of SPOCKTOBER~! Yeah, I stole that off of Conan O’Brien. Call him about it why don’t you.) Overall Rating: 73% Crowd Reaction: 81% Match Quality: 56% Overall Show Rating: 66% Attendance: 2251 kids who were promised Reese Cups, but were just given stale Zagnut bars.

who's former manager used to be a referee, much like TEDDY LONG

who retired due to nerve damage and the same fate might befall CHRIS BENOIT.

Ask him how aware he was of the relationship between Bret and Sunny at the time of the filming and what Bret told him about it. She is highlighted in the film and speaks glowingly of Bret.

Jimmy Jack Spock=Shawn Stasiak Arachniman=El Dandy The Unfathomable Slag=Naked Mideon Paunch Estrada=Jorge Estrada Honky Tonk Orton=Randy Orton Ding=Alter Boy Luke Dong=Alter Boy Matthew random masked jobbers=Evan Kariagas "Tatanka"=Supreme Bank One=Garrison Cade "Minimum Wage" Michael Wade="Hard Workin' Bobby Walker FlockNest Monster=Juantastico Barney the Deli Worker=Abdullah the Butcher Davey Man Smith=Chad Collyer The Nitroglycerin Kid=Matt Stryker T'Pol=Vanessa Fat Rhymes=Ahmed Johnson Leperchaun Larry=The Drunk Irishman The Musical Rabbi=Shawn Candido The Great Chetti-Etti=Chris Chetti By the way, the next show will be the monthly ppv: Love and Reese Cups.

who was manged by SIR OLIVER HUMPERDINK

who was once managed by FREDDIE BLASSIE.

HSW Rainbow Fun Hour for Saturday, September 27th, 2003 Live from the Big Rock Candy Mountain Hosts: Jon Ian and the Deacon THE MEGA-POWERS UNITE TAG MATCH “Doin’ it for the Children” Tony Stetson and “Minimum Wage” Michael Wade vs Ding Dongs. Match Background: None. The Match: Ding takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Michael Wade DDTs Ding, but it just looked terrible. There's a two count on the pin. Wade tags out to Tony Stetson. Tony Stetson scoops up Ding. Wade bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Ding takes a couple of weak clotheslines. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tony Stetson DOESN'T take a page out of Andre the Giant's book and hits an incredibly weak headbutt on Ding. Ding kicks Tony Stetson in the gut to reverse the momentum. Power drive elbow by Ding. That sounds like a feature on a 4 x 4, doesn't it. Tag to Dong. Implant DDT by Dong! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Lightning kick by Dong on Stetson. Tony Stetson once again takes the advantage after blocking a few punches and connecting with some forearms. Tag to Michael Wade. Michael Wade hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Side suplex from Wade. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Michael Wade hits a right hand on Dong and follows it up with a couple more. Wade charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. SUPER frankensteiner on Wade, who hit hard and is loopy as a result. Flocknest Monster comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Michael Wade turns around. Flocknest Monster slams Wade down. Flocknest Monster climbs to the top rope and hits the Moonsault! Monster leaves the ring, the damage done! Cover gets three for Dong, Wade got pinned. Stetson \ Wade are left down and out in the ring thanks to the attack of Ding, Dong and Monster. Winners: Ding Dongs My Opinion: When I give out 3/4*, it means that I'm being REALLY nice about it. (Tag team wrestling is redefined here. The match was pretty good, just the kids were more interested with the pet rock we put in their “HSW Fun Pack.” Just give the girls fifty bucks and point them at the nearest Goodwill and you would be amazed what they come back with for those things. The ten sets of Don Ho rocks glasses were an uber find. See, the match was so damn boring, I can’t even make fun of it and I have to pull out a weak gag. Although, seeing Dames gush over the greatness of Dong never gets old.) Overall Rating: 46% Crowd Reaction: 37% Match Quality: 68% FlockNest Monster grabs a microphone and begins yapping while Wade and Stetson are still down on the mat. “These two think they can get the best of me. They can’t. I’ll tell them and all of you out there a few things right now…” Cut to the back where T’Pol is holding a sign that says “The Mysterious Entity is not Rob Black. Would we lie to you about something like that?” The KISS Demon walks up with toilet paper trailing off of his boot. “Yowza! I’m the KISS Demon, want to see my Plaster Caster!” T’Pol knows who he is. She’s his manager. “Whoo-Ha! I’m the KISS Demon! I have a manager?” Deacon asked T’Pol to take him on, because his mic skills aren’t that stellar. “Ramma-Lamma-Ding-Dong! I’m the KISS Demon, I have great mic skills.” The “needless exposition” sign flashes on and T’Pol explains how she is in cahoots with the Deacon and that the DS9 stable is dedicated to bringing the HSW back to what it was. They also want to make Lizzy Borden bash her head into walls while she drools like Supreme at the Jell-O factory. “Bop-she-bop-bop! I’m the KISS Demon! That’s kosher with me!” T’Pol instructs him to run out into the arena and take care of the FlockNest Monster. Cut back to the scene in the ring. “…And that’s how the Nazis built Walter Mondale. I won…” Monster is cut off as the Demon hits the ring and we’re on like Donkey Kong. Segment Rating: 77% GENE SIMMONS WET DREAM SINGLES MATCH The KISS Demon vs Flocknest Monster. Match Background: None. The Match: Reverse DDT on Monster. The KISS Demon moves in for the kill. Here it comes - Love Gun. 1....2...3, it's finished. Monster is pounding the canvas with punches, shouting about how unfair everything is. My Opinion: Not good enough to earn an entire star. 3/4* for you. (Hey, FlockNest Monster, you just got squashed by the KISS Demon. What are you going to do now? Tuck into the fetal position and suck my thumb? No, silly, you’re going to DisneyLand because they’re our primary sponsor. Man, if the above isn’t RAW booking, then paint my ass purple can call me Rico.) Overall Rating: 51% Crowd Reaction: 46% Match Quality: 69% Chris Nowinski is in the ring with the three HSW “good girls” (because we can’t call them divas) Elizabeth Borden, Lady Victoria and T’Pol. We thought that a bikini contest would be a little too much for the kids. We don’t need the boys going home and asking their parents what the funny squishy feeling in their tummy is. Uh, that would be botulism. Arachniman got us a deal on some frozen burritos out of Tijuana. So, instead, we’re going to have a sandwich making contest. Each woman has the full compliments of the Cooking with Gonzalez kitchen and Nowinski will be the judge of who makes the best sandwich. Through the miracle of cooking show magic, all the women have to do is open up the oven and the sandwich is already prepared. Lady Victoria has decided to go with the classic Italian sub. “Hmm…this mayo is a little…different.” “How dare you eat other women’s sandwiches. You jerk! That’s not mayo, it’s a little leftover from what you gave me this morning.” Cut to the Disco Ducks dressed up like seamen and dancing to “In the Navy” for the really weird innuendo. Elizabeth Borden did not make a sandwich. Not because she’s an independent woman of high morals, but because she didn’t feel worthy of the task by not being barefoot and pregnant. That is the true goal of every woman, you know. Nowinski then tries T’Pol’s sandwich, which is green and purple and smoking. “What’s this meat? It’s a little slimy.” “That would be Denivian Slime Devil.” “Hence the slimy.” Nowinski washes his mouth out with clorox and declares Lady Victoria the winner. If only to make her happy so they can play hide the salami later tonight. Cut to Lady Victoria crawling out from under a couch. “I found the salami.” “Good, now make me a sandwich.” Cut back to the ring where Nowinski is berating T’Pol for her Vulcan cooking skills. “Ha! With the those culinary skills you might as well be a three eyed Andorian.” Before we alienate fans further with lame Star Trek references, the Great Chetti-Etti storms the ring to protect his manager. Hey, where’s the KISS Demon to do that? Cut to the KISS Demon’s feet showing out from beneath a bathroom stall. A loud flatulent noise is heard. “Wow-ow! That slime devil wrecks your colon.” Segment Rating: 88% Chetti and Nowinski are brawling in the ring while the women stand off to the side pleading for peace. Giant Gonzalez comes down to the ring. To break up the fight? No, to yell at all these bozos for stealing his cooking show and making the sandwiches he’s been trying to do for weeks now. Gonzalez choke slams Nowinski, but Chetti distracts him with the old multiple hankies out of the pocket trick. Borden grabs a microphone and books Nowinski vs. Chetti for later tonight. Uh, why did Gonzalez need to come out then? Well, Michael Eisner has a soft spot for the big lug and demands that we see him at least every other show. In the old HSW we’d cut to some hellacious BUTT sex between Eisner and Gonzalez, but we are now kinder and gentler. Plus, I don’t want to get sued. That damn house of mouse has spies everywhere. Segment Rating: 65% THAT IS A PHASER IN MY POCKET, BUT I AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU Jimmy Jack Spock vs Kaos the Blue Fairy. Match Background: Kaos has been feuding with Terry Funk recently, who is a stable mate of Spock in DS 9. The Match: Spock slams Kaos the Blue Fairy. Spock walks into a drop toe hold. Kaos the Blue Fairy kicks the leg, knocks Spock down, and goes to work on it. The referee bumps after catching a wild right hand and is down. DDT from the top rope by Kaos the Blue Fairy. That looked KILLER. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is out and can't count to three! Spock reverses a Kaos the Blue Fairy hammerlock. BIG clothesline on Kaos. Full nelson slam on Kaos. Hooks the leg for a two count. Death valley driver by Jimmy Jack Spock! No one executes that move properly anymore. Pin, but Kaos is out just before the three count. Kaos the Blue Fairy pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Spinning bulldog in the corner and Spock is down! Pin, but Spock is out just before the three count. Spock blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Kaos the Blue Fairy is in trouble. Kirk Jerk!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Kaos is pounding the canvas with punches, shouting about how unfair everything is. Winner: Jimmy Jack Spock My Opinion: Usually, this is designated for good matches that were usually way too short for some reason. What's your excuse? *3/4 (How does the ref catch a wild right hand when he’s working the leg? Maybe he was working that Ronnie Garvin punch the knee psychology. The Kirk Jerk is a slingshot suplex. Not that you care. Post match, we cut to the Disco Ducks still dancing to “In the Navy.” Bilvis Wesley then walks in holding a flashing neon sign that reads “Kaos is as gay as a picnic basket.”) Overall Rating: 66% Crowd Reaction: 77% Match Quality: 69% Elizabeth Borden is going over the books for the month. “$600 for the Unfathomable Slag to get his back waxed?” Lady Victoria comes in with a sandwich as a peace offering. She’s sorry she was so upset during the contest. She does get a bit jealous at times. Borden says it’s understandable. “It’s understandable, because my man is such a hunk-a-saurus! You hussy!” Victoria chokes Borden out like Andre on Bob Eucker, but quickly regains her composure. Victoria wants to be the special guest referee for the upcoming main event. We’re running long on time because of all the sandwich shenanigans, so yeah. Knock yourself out. Segment Rating: 78% WATCH ME MAKE YOUR WORKRATE DIASSPEAR SINGLES MATCH Chris Nowinski vs The Great Chetti-Etti!. Match Background: This will be a special guest referee bout. Lady Victoria will be the referee for this match. Chetti and Nowinski are currently feuding. Neither has managed to get an in-ring victory in this feud. The Match: The Great Chetti-Etti! takes a right hand to the temple from Nowinski. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. Nowinski strikes away at The Great Chetti-Etti!, not doing much damage at all. Chetti gets splashed in the corner. Chetti takes a vertical suplex, but pops right back up. Nowinski charges into the corner but EATS BOOT. Hard back suplex on Nowinski. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Lightning kick by Chetti on Nowinski. Hooks the leg for a two count. Chris Nowinski powers out of a The Great Chetti-Etti! headlock. Chris Nowinski hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. There's a two count on the pin. Chris Nowinski scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Pin, but Chetti is out just before the three count. Chetti powers out of a headlock. STIFF high kick on Nowinski by The Great Chetti-Etti!. Nowinski blocks a kick from The Great Chetti-Etti!. Chetti gets splashed in the corner. The Great Chetti-Etti! gets taken over with a headlock. 1.2.3! His shoulders were down just for a second, and that was all Lady Victoria needed to make a super fast count! I don't think the fight has finished. Chris Nowinski and Chetti have begun brawling again! They wind up brawling all the way down the aisle and out of view. Winner: Chris Nowinski My Opinion: Hmm. Only gets * from me. (Man, Chetti jobbed to a headlock takedown. Even FlockNest Monster is laughing at him. At least he took a man’s finisher. That match didn’t score too well. I guess the chemistry was off, or the kids were just sick to death of this storyline. I promise a moratorium on women making sandwiches jokes from now on. I will have to define the Nowinski and Victoria relationship in new and exciting ways. Maybe she can knit him a sweater?) Overall Rating: 57% Crowd Reaction: 62% Match Quality: 67% Overall Rating: 65% TV Rating: 1.34 Attendance: 420 kids under the age of 12 who don’t get the significance of 420 at ALL.