The Czech Republic

Steve wants to go down on Kelly?!?! Okay... Pass it on.

Don't forget Rain Man and Flowers For Algernon. And if we can get some more gold nuggets in this baby I'll move to retire this to Classics.

I think TomCo should acquire the WWE and make it All Fertig, All The Time. HHH: Dammit! Just as I was in line to take it all! Damn you, economy.

They're like those two guys from the Mighty Ducks movie, but with that one girl from the porno movie. It's a complicated gimmick; a bridging of generations, if you will.

Maybe Fertig could do a Flowers For Algernon storyline where TomCo invests in a procedure that would artificially make Fertig a clever and good wrestler. But as the artificial ability wanes, Fertig realizes he cannot live like this, and his former retardation is inevitable, and he'll soon have to work at the bakery again.

Then as Austin does a Stunner on Bischoff: JR: STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! Special K: I made a weird mess in my pants. King: You're not the only one here to, Fertig!

You make it sound like it's impotence and not retardation.

Yeah we are. And I mark out for like everything in this, the Cena story, and the WWE chapters. November 9th has been kind for TSM. Not to mention the arrival of Mr. Brook River.

Well we've talked about Fertig, but TomCo is getting no love. He should say something like "I knew I never should've merged with NRG Business Solutions."

Oh this isn't as good as "A Christmas Freestyle" or FERTIG~!

You know, RavishingRickRudo, we would make like THE best Odyssey of the Mind team.

Or get this: Goldberg! What is he, a lawyer with an attitude?

At some point he has to wet himself in the middle of a match. Then they have to call out ring staff to clean up that mess.

Like Jerry Seinfeld when he was trying to sabotage Kenny Bania. Also, Special K should have a "resource-room teacher" as his manager who tries to guide Special K along the right path in his matches, but then just realizes "ah fuck it" and does the match for him anyway.

Chapter 18: Why Everyone Benefitted From Montreal

Tomko: Fertig! How did you get here? I'm trying to wrestle. Special K: My harness broke. HHH: (poses, spits water)

Fertig needs to say "definitely" a lot so as to spark some comparisons to Rain Man. Also, whoever thought of a ring cart resembling the short bus = GENIUS I'd also have him chase Terri around backstage, with him petting her hair and saying "Pretty!" every now and then

Chapter 16: Testimonials of "Life on the Road" from WWE Superstars, who in no way include strip clubs or drugs.

retarded Kevin Fertig = Special K! This shit writes itself! "Tonight, on a Very Special Raw, Special K helps Randy Orton learn the true meaning of friendship."

You gave me something BETTER! Make him Jay Sherman's dad! Now my name is not Cooch, it's Coach. Can you say Coach? Cooch! I hear you can spell your name backwards. Gitref! What's your favorite food in the whole world? Gitref!

That's even better. Or pronounce it with a French accent and put him with La Resistance. Sylvan Grenier: Hey, voulez-vous be my partner tonight? Kevin Fertig: Not tonight, I am feeling a little "fair-teeged!" HHH: (poses, spits water) Money in the bank.

I'd change Chapter 11 to Chapter 11: How Vince Forced All Who Opposed Him Into Chapter 11 and an afterword by Vince Russo that simply reads "It was ME! Me all along! I wrote this book! Everything you read is a LIE! It's something I like to call a SWERVE, baby!"

I can make them marketable. Tomko should be marketed as a forward-minded business executive named Thomas whose company is called TomCo. He specializes in business solutions, networking, and WHOOPIN' ASS~! Catchphrase: "The smart money is on TomCo." T-Shirt: "Executive Secretary Of TomKo: Kickin' Ass and Takin' Names!" As Fertig, he should be known as "Fertile Fertig" and he impregnates every Diva...and then some. Catchphrase: "Fertig is fertile." T-Shirt: "Fertig showed me he was fertile."

I've run into my share of problems with both the Tomko and the Fertig. Both of them not only have wayyy too many HP, but always pop up in the forest regions and don't take damage from ice-elemental. Especially when they're in a party with a Rhodox or Fortis. Geez.

I remember Maxx. He was there until '96 and was just really...nothing.