Kinetic

Working in food service is such a fucking nightmare. It's as bad as retail, except you throw in hunger as an extra aggravating factor. When customers would jump on my ass about some piddling additional charge, I'd always wonder what the hell they wanted me to do about it. "I know it's corporate policy and all, but I guess I can make an exception for you, random stranger." I mean, come on. I make $6.50 an hour. Dance on my dick.

Awesome game. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Detroit takes game one in Boston.

Cleveland's going to have to get something out of someone other than LeBron in the second half. Given how poorly everyone else has played and how LeBron's had to force what little offense they've been able to come up with so far, it's a minor miracle that this game is as close as it is.

Garlic bread. Its oversized American cousin, Texas toast, is an important part of my life.

He actually has started wearing the flag pin recently.

ABC already had WNBA games scheduled for Saturday afternoon. So instead of San Antonio/New Orleans Game 7, you can watch the Liberty and the Shock or whatever.

Seriously. No game tomorrow. You'll have to settle for either some comically mismatched baseball games or interacting with your loved ones. Good luck, all.

Their series with Cleveland has had the exact same result thus far. They've won at home and lost on the road.

They MATCHUP better with the Lakers than they do the Hawks? You're on drugs, Ripper. Not a chance in hell that Boston would win a game in L.A. They couldn't win a game at fucking Philip's Arena, man! This shit is just not going to happen. Boston at large is going to have to be satisfied with its regular season glory.

So the Lakers are going to beat Utah in Salt Lake City. Damn refs! They're in Kobe's pocket.

Do you realize that the Celtics have now lost six straight road playoff games to the Hawks and the Cavaliers? And they're going to kick the shit out of the Lakers? If by "kick the shit out of..." you mean edge in 7, maybe. But Boston isn't legitimately kicking the shit out of anyone.

The Lakers are looking pretty good here. Guys, my only concern is who in the hell do I root for in a Boston-L.A. series? I might have to pull a Smart Mark and very vocally not watch.

The problem with physics is that LeBron literally has no regard for human life. How do you think he regards science? It ain't positive, friend.

They're from Los Angeles. You don't need another reason. If you do, keep in mind that Kobe is a rapist and Phil Jackson is some sort of fraud that needs great players to win. I would never have considered Shaq a reason to hate this team. Shaq, as far as I can tell, is one of the nicest guys in sports. Kobe is a lot easier to hate.

The fact is that LeBron has exceeded anyone's expectations. The guy is, what, 23? LeBron is going to obliterate records in this league. I know from personal experience that you can learn to live with things being shoved down your throat, so I know that you can eventually learn to love LeBron. You'd better, if you want to continue to watch NBA basketball.

LeBron is a great player. If he'd gone to college, he would have gone to OU.

Boston is the most deplorable team in this year's field. L.A. is second. Anyone other than them is fine.

Let me just say that Kevin Garnett is the creepiest guy in pro sports right now. Like, let's say your mom is divorced and she comes to you and says that she's getting married to KG. He's your new Dad. I mean, fuck no. That guy is going to watch you sleep. That guy is going to watch you try on jeans. Also, let me say that complaining about officiating in NBA games is stupid. It is what it is and it's been that way for years. Learn to live with it.

This game sucks. It's typical of this round in that the home team has a double digit lead, but both teams are playing like shit. The Celtics have, like, 35 points midway through the 3rd quarter. And this team is going to win a championship? My ass. These guys are going to be eaten alive by whoever comes out of the West.

That's really fascinating to watch. Even a crowd full of GED hopefuls completely baked from a weekend of sun, beer, and weed couldn't bring themselves to take Fred Durst seriously.

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Dude, it's the Shaq Attaq!!

One of my favorite songs, as performed by the Circle Jerks in the back of a truck:

I recalled that there were several variations on the "_____, THERE IT IS" theme, but it was until the advent of YouTube that I could verify it. name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src=" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>&"> name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src=" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350" />

This guy's made some pretty significant strides in the last sixteen years: name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src=" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>&"> name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src=" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350" />