Tony149

Well, since I'm an original member of the board of directors -- Hoff has my permission to post the show, unless he's told otherwise. BTW, if any of my fellow OAOASTers is tech savy and has AOL, let me know, I need a little help with something.

I have Norton Firewall. I understand what you're saying, but I'm not sure how to do that. I ran the Program Scan feature and 9.0 popped up, so I thought that's it, problem fixed. I sign on only to get another message saying AOLacad.exe is attempting to access net, then asks to Permit, Block or Manually Configured Internet Access.

Dialup. Aol 8.0 works fine, except I get the occassion "aolwbspd.exe is attempting to access Internet." I keep getting different .exe on 9.0 saying to add it manually if it's not listed.

Last night I decide to upgrade my AOL software, everything goes fine...or so I thought. Everytime I sign on I'm told "The attempt to connect to AOL service timed out." It mentions something about an active firewall possibly restricting the software and to configure the settings. I consider myself computer illiterate -- and after 3 years using Web/MSN TV, this has me confused -- but I check the firewall settings and I'm still not quite sure what I'm supposed to do. Any help would be very appreciated.

Make that SEVEN. The short-lived and very prestigious Women's title has been added. EDIT: Chuck's idea has tested successfully. Any title change that occured at AM III (March 28, 2004) is accessible by clicking on the date. Time permitting, I plan on adding more... at least for the OAOAST & tag titles.

Active Titles OAOAST WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP Stephen Joseph Popick (x2) -- October 31, 2007- Landon Maddix -- June 28, 2007-October 31, 2007 Zack Malibu (x3) -- May 27, 2007 - June 28, 2007 Drek Stone (x2) -- August 27, 2006 - May 27, 2007 Alfdogg (x2) -- April 2, 2006 - August 27, 2006 Peter Knight -- January 1, 2006 - April 2, 2006 Stephen Joseph Popick -- October 30, 2005 - January 1, 2006 Hoff (x2) -- August 28, 2005 - October 6, 2005 (Title vacated) Axel (x2) -- June 26, 2005 - August 28, 2005 Tony Brannigan -- June 9, 2005 - June 26, 2005 Axel -- April 3, 2005 - June 9, 2005 Drek Stone -- November 28, 2004 - April 3, 2005 (Drek Stone won an Elimination Chamber Match which also featured Axel, Chris Stevens, Crystal, Ragdoll, and Sly Sommers) Hoff -- October 31, 2004 - November 11, 2004 (Title vacated due to injury) Crystal -- August 29, 2004 - October 31, 2004 (First woman to hold the OAOAST Title) Zack Malibu (x2) --March 28, 2004 - August 29, 2004 Calvin Szechstein -- August 31, 2003 - March 28, 2004 Zack Malibu -- March 30, 2003 - August 31, 2003 Anglesault (x2) -- October 27, 2002 - March 30, 2003 (Anglesault simply touched CWM with one finger, and CWM layed down and allowed AS to pin him) CWM -- September 15, 2002 - October 27, 2002 (CWM defeated Alfdogg in a match where the Title could change hands on a disqualification. Special referee Zack Malibu, upon provocation from Alfdogg, attempted a superkick on him, only to miss and hit CWM. Zack then disqualified Alf for outside interference, and as a result, CWM won the Title.) Alfdogg -- July 22, 2002 - September 15, 2002 Caboose (1 & 2) -- June 16, 2002 - July 14, 2002; July 15, 2002 - July 22, 2002 (Title was held-up after Caboose filed protest and video footage revealed Caboose had his shoulder as he got pinned during a 2/3 Falls Match versus Zack Malibu, who won 2-1; in a rematch the following night on IntenselyHeldDOWN, defeated Zack Malibu) Anglesault -- April 26, 2002 - June 16, 2002 (First-ever OAOAST Champion; defeated self-proclaimed Champion Triple H) 1 unrecognized World Title change: CWM defeats Anglesault on April 27, 2002, only to have Anglesault regain the Title later that night. ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP Lone Star Gunslingers -- January 3, 2008- Heavenly Rockers (x2) -- October 31, 2007-January 3, 2008 Chicks Over Dicks (x4) -- August 16, 2007-October 31, 2007 Theodore Moneymaker & Christian Wright -- August 4, 2007 - August 16, 2007 Chicks Over Dicks (x3) -- February 1, 2007 - August 4, 2007 South Central Militia (Marcellus Wallace & Vincent Santana) -- February 1, 2007 Chicks Over Dicks (x2) -- January 1, 2007 - February 1, 2007 Sooner Bruisers (Big Frank Bruiser & Uber Bruiser) -- October 1, 2006 - January 1, 2007 Black T (x3) -- August 27, 2006 - October 1, 2006 Heavenly Rockers (Logan "Usher" Mann & Synth Esizer) -- April 2, 2006 - August 27, 2006 New New Midnight Express (x3) -- January 29, 2006 - April 2, 2006 The Usual Suspects (Zack Malibu & Leon Rodez) -- September 8, 2005 - January 29, 2006 Sk8ter Boiz (The Marv & Hell Mel) -- May 29, 2005 - September 8, 2005 New New Midnight Express (x2) -- April 24, 2005 - May 29, 2005 Chicks Over Dicks (Alix Maria Spezia & Krista Isadora Duncan) -- January 30, 2005 - April 24, 2005 The Orginal Elite (Zack Malibu, Dan Black, & T-Bod) -- November 28, 2004 - January 30, 2005 (Under agreement Zack Malibu, Dan Black & Tony Brannigan agreed to share Titles) Global Party Exchange (x2) -- August 29, 2004 - November 28, 2004 New New Midnight Express (Ned Blanchard & Simon Singleton) -- August 19, 2004 - August 29, 2004 Global Party Exchange (Scotty Static & Johnny "Jam" Jackson) -- August 5, 2004 - August 19, 2004 Black T (Dan Black & Tony Brannigan) -- April 29, 2004 - August 5, 2004 (Won Titles via tag team tournament; defeating The Rave & Assault Squad, The Lightning Crew & the Global Party Exchange) TNT (TJ Burns & Tyler Bridges) -- November 30, 2003 - April 29, 2004 (Titles vacated) The Dream Machines (x2) -- August 31, 2003 - November 30, 2003 Featured Attraction ("Shooter" Jay Darring & The Amazing Rando) -- August 19, 2003 - August 31, 2003 The Dream Machines (Peter Knight & The Parka) -- August 7, 2003 - August 19, 2003 The Trinity (Stephen Joseph & Edward Robins) -- June 3, 2003 - August 7, 2003 Los Infernales (Spider Poet & El Dandy; (x2)) -- March 30, 2003 - June 3, 2003 (Defeated the MWC in a Stairway To Oblivion Match that was the finals of a tournament) Spider Poet & El Dandy -- March 11, 2003 (El Dandy defeats Sandman9000 in a singles match for the other 1/2 of the Titles. Stripped of the Titles later that night) Spider Poet & Sandman9000 -- March 3, 2003 - March 11, 2003 (Spider Poet defeats Sandman9000 in a singles match for only 1/2 of the Titles) aWo (CWM & Sandman 9000) -- January 6, 2003 - March 3, 2003 (CWM defeats the MWC in a 2-On-1 Handicap Match for the Titles. On January 14, 2003, Sandman9000 defeats Big Poppa Popick in a singles, falls count anywhere match to win the other half of the Titles. On February 23, 2003, CWM forfeits his half as he leaves the company, thus SM9000 defends both Titles at once) The Miracle Weirdness Connection (Jingus & Mystery Eskimo, aka Dan Black) -- October 28, 2002 - January 6, 2003 Green Mist & Positvely Generation Never/Naz Mistry -- September 15, 2002 - October 28, 2002 (Generation Never gets injured and Naz Mistry takes over his spot as Champion as he slips in the 4 team TLC to team up with GM as Postively Generation Never. Quickly reveals himself to be NM) Generation Never & Green Mist -- July 14, 2002 - September 15, 2002 aWo 4 EVA~ (CWM & Some Guy) -- June 16, 2002 - July 14, 2002 (Won tournament to crown new Champs by defeating The Odd Couple and the In Crowd) Men On A Mission (Mabel & Mo) -- May 3, 2002 - May 13, 2002 (Stripped of Titles) D'Lo & Some Guy -- May 3, 2002 Caboose & Some Guy -- April 26, 2002 - May 3, 2002 (First-ever Tag Champs after OAOAST national expansion; On April 27, 2002, Caboose forfeits his half of the Titles. On May 3, 2002, Some Guy defeats Caboose and Alfdogg in a Triple Threat Match to win the right to team up with D'Lo to defend the Titles later that night.) The Talentless Hosses (Bradshaw & Albert) -- April 21, 2002 - April 26, 2002 (Proclaimed Champions) Goodhelmet -- April 13, 2002 - April 21, 2002 (Proclaimed Champion. Shares Titles with the aWo. Titles become vacant.) OAOAST HEARTLAND/CANADIAN/PUERTO RICAN/ITALIAN CHAMPIONSHIP Sandman9000 -- September 30, 2007 - "After Hours" Felix Strutter (x2) -- August 26, 2007 - September 30, 2007 (In winning the Title, Strutter unified his already held WDW Heartland Title with the OAOAST version) Thunderkid (x2) -- June 24, 2007 - August 26, 2007 "After Hours" Felix Strutter -- May 3, 2007 - June 24, 2007 Thunderkid -- December 14, 2006 - May 3, 2007 (Thunderkid renamed the Title the OAOAST Heartland Championship on the 12-21-06 edition of HeldDOWN~!) Alfdogg (x3) -- October 1, 2006 - December 14, 2006 (Alfdogg renamed the Title the OAOAST Canadian Championship on the 10-5-06 edition of HeldDOWN~!) Brock Ausstin (x2) -- August 31, 2006 - October 1, 2006 Otaku II -- June 25, 2006 - August 31, 2006 Brock Ausstin -- February 26, 2006 - June 25, 2006 Alfdogg (x2) -- December 18, 2005 - February 26, 2006 Chris Stevens -- October 30, 2005 - December 18, 2005 Alfdogg -- June 30, 2005 - October 30, 2005 (Alfdogg renamed the Title the OAOAST Heartland Championship on the 7-7-05 edition of HeldDOWN~!) "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican (x3) -- June 26, 2005 - June 30, 2005 (PRL renamed the Title the OAOAST Puerto Rican Championship on the 6-30-05 edition of HeldDOWN~!) John "Rock Hard" Brickston -- April 14, 2005 - June 26, 2005 Stephen Joseph Popick -- August 29, 2004 - April 14, 2005 (Popick tried to rename the Title the OAOAST Ukranian Championship, but since he rarely defended it, that name never got off the ground) The Mad Cappa (x2) -- August 1, 2004 - August 29, 2004 Drek Stone -- June 27, 2004 - August 1, 2004 (Stone renamed the Title the OAOAST Italian Championship on the 7-1-04 edition of HeldDOWN~!) The Mad Cappa -- March 28, 2004 - June 27, 2004 Puerto Rican Lightning (x2) -- July 23, 2003 - March 28, 2004 (Title became an official OAOAST belt on the 3-23-04 edition of IntenseZone) "Shooter" Jay Darring -- June 29, 2003 - July 21, 2003 (Title was merged with the North American Championship, but once again became independent one month later) Puerto Rican Lightning -- March 22, 2003 - June 29, 2003 (PRL created the Title and proclaimed himself Champion. It was unsanctioned by the OAOAST, instead being fought under the rules of the "Puerto Rican Championship Rulebook".) OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP Colombian Heat -- September 30, 2007 - (Heat defeated James Riggs in a match to declare the first Champion, as well as the last OAOAST X-Division and OAOAST 24/7 titleholders) OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez -- April 1, 2007 - Ashley Street (x2) -- February 21, 2006 - April 1, 2007 (Won the Title in Japan. Match did happen. Trust me.) Confusia -- January 29, 2006 - February 21, 2006 Ashley Street -- September 1, 2005 - January 29, 2006 (Won vacant Title in Gauntlet Match) Jenny Adams -- June 30, 2005 - (Won vacant Title in a 3 Way Dance) Holly-Wood -- December 30, 2004 (Title reactived) Mystery Eskimo -- July 15, 2002 (Wins a Fatal Fourway Match to unify the Women's Title with the TV Title with Treble Charged and Anglesault included) Jingus -- June 17, 2002 - July 15, 2002 Treble Charged -- May 13, 2002 - June 17, 2002 OAOAST SIX-MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP Leon Rodez & D*LUX -- August 9, 2007 - The Beverly Hills Blonds & CPA -- April 26th 2007 - August 9, 2007 Brock Ausstin & America's Team (Charlie Moss & Quentin Benjamin) (x2) -- November 30, 2006 - April 26th 2007 Team Canada (Alfdogg, "After Hours" Felix Strutter & Ken Pantera) -- October 5, 2006 - November 30, 2006 The Hooligans (The GPX & Jamie O'Hara) -- June 25, 2006 - October 5, 2006 Todd Cortez, Bruce Blank & Bloodshed -- May 11, 2006 - June 25, 2006 The Triple Threat -- February 9, 2006 - May 11, 2006 Brock Ausstin & Team Heyross (Charlie Moss & Quentin Benjamin) -- December 18, 2005 - February 9, 2006 Ceased Titles OAOAST 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP Colombian Heat -- September 30, 2007 (last OAOAST 24/7 Champion) James Riggs -- September 20, 2007 - September 30, 2007 Colombian Heat -- July 12, 2007 - September 20, 2007 Cuban Wall -- April 1, 2007 - July 12, 2007 Bohemoth -- September 21, 2006 - April 1, 2007 Landon Maddix -- August 10, 2006 - September 21, 2006 Leon Rodez (x3) -- June 25, 2006 - August 10, 2006 Crystal (x3) -- May 13, 2006 - June 25, 2006 Leon Rodez (x2) -- April 30, 2006 - May 13, 2006 Alix Maria Spezia (x2) -- April 20, 2006 - April 30, 2006 Mackenzie DeCenzo -- April 20, 2006 - April 20, 2006 Alix Maria Spezia -- April 6, 2006 - April 20, 2006 Leon Rodez -- April 2, 2006 - April 6, 2006 "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican -- April 7, 2005 - April 2, 2006 (Title given to PRL by Stephen Joseph Popick on the 4-7-05 edition of HeldDOWN~!) Devin Geddon/Phenom -- December 30, 2004 - April 7, 2005 (On 1-30-05 at Anglepalooza, a double pin caused both men to become Co-Champs. Title stripped on 4-7-05.) Cameron S. Aussie III -- October 31, 2004 - December 30, 2004 Gunner Sharps -- August 29, 2004 - October 31, 2004 Hoff (x2) -- August 12, 2004 - August 29, 2004 Chris Stevens -- August 5, 2004 - August 12, 2004 Hoff -- May 23, 2004 - August 5, 2004 Crystal (x2) -- March 28, 2004 - May 23, 2004 Axel -- March 4, 2004 - March 28, 2004 Panther -- January 15, 2004 - March 4, 2004 (Defeated Peter Knight, Axel, TJ Burns and Jacob Lyne in a Prism Match for the vacant belt) The Superstar -- November 30, 2003 - January 8, 2004 (Title vacated) CWM -- October 26, 2003 - November 30, 2003 Zack Malibu -- October 23, 2003 - October 26, 2003 Northstar -- August 14, 2003 - October 23, 2003 (The last 3 title changes were during a Hardcore Battle Royal for the vacant title) Mongoose Foshi -- August 14, 2003 Rodney -- August 14, 2003 Crystal -- June 29, 2003 - July 24, 2003 (Title becomes vacant as Crystal gets injured) Peter Knight (x2) -- May 29, 2003 - June 29, 2003 Calvin Szechstein (x3) -- April 27, 2003 - May 29, 2003 Peter Knight -- April 27, 2003 Calvin Szechstein (x2) -- April 24, 2003 - April 27, 2003 Todd Pettengill -- April 24, 2003 The Memphis Eel -- April 24, 2003 Calvin Szechstein -- April 17, 2003 - April 24, 2003 (Grabs the revived Title belt in a Grab The Belt Match) OAOAST X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP Colombian Heat -- September 30, 2007 (last OAOAST X-Division Champion) James Riggs -- September 6, 2007 - September 30, 2007 Dance Dance Dragon -- May 10, 2007 - September 6, 2007 "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican -- April 1, 2007 - May 10, 2007 (Defeated Dance Dance Dragon in the finals of a 16-man tournament for the vacant Title) Jamie O'Hara -- January 28, 2007 - February 1, 2007 (Title was declared vacant due to the controversy of the matchup in which the Title changed hands) Reject (x2) -- November 16, 2006 - January 28, 2007 TJ Burns -- June 8, 2006 - November 16, 2006 The Parka -- November 27, 2005 - April 6, 2006 (Stripped due to injury) Peter Knight -- July 7, 2005 - November 27, 2005 The 70's Dude -- April 24, 2005 - July 7, 2005 (Stripped after attempting to sell Title overseas) Leon Rodez -- October 31, 2004 - April 24, 2005 Rick Edwards/Blurricane -- May 23, 2004 - October 31, 2004 (Edwards returned to his Blurricane persona at AngleSlam 3) AJ Flaire -- December 28, 2003 - May 23, 2004 Sly Sommers -- November 30, 2003 - December 28, 2003 Mad Matt -- October 26, 2003 - November 30, 2003 Ragdoll -- July 27, 2003 - October 26, 2003 K-Money -- June 26, 2003 - July 27, 2003 The Amazing Rando -- May 25, 2003 - June 26, 2003 The Purist -- April 27, 2003 - May 25, 2003 Angle-Plex -- April 7, 2003 - April 27, 2003 ZsasZ -- March 30, 2003 - April 7, 2003 Reject -- January 26, 2003 - March 30, 2003 EvenflowDDT/The Golem -- October 27, 2002 - January 26, 2003 (Won Title in an OAOAST X-Title King of the Deathmatch Tournament) Sandman9000 -- September 16, 2002 - October 27, 2002 (Won the Title in a 2/3 falls Match) The Superstar -- August 11, 2002 - September 16, 2002 OAOAST ADRENALIN CHAMPIONSHIP # AJ Flaire -- April 25, 2004 (Defeated Dan Black to unifiy Adrenalin/X-Division Titles) Dan Black (x2) -- March 28, 2004 - April 25, 2004 (Phantom title change! There was supposed to be a match at AngleMania III, but something happened and it doesn't appear in it. Afterwards, Dan was seen with the Title.) Stephen Joseph -- February 29, 2004 - March 28, 2004 Dan Black -- January 26, 2004 - February 29, 2004 Spider Poet -- December 9, 2003 - January 26, 2004 (Defeated G-Money in the finals of a one night tournament) OAOAST NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP (formerly the OAOAST USTV CHAMPIONSHIP) # Rick Edwards -- June 3, 2004 (Defeated The Shuffle on the 6-3-04 edition of HeldDOWN~! to merge the North American/X-Division Titles) The Shuffle -- January 25, 2004 - June 3, 2004 Puerto Rican Lightning -- September 28, 2003 - January 25, 2004 K-NESS -- July 29, 2003 - September 28, 2003 "Shooter" Jay Darring -- May 25, 2003 - July 29, 2003 Andrew Hyland -- March 30, 2003 - May 25, 2003 Thunderkid (x2) -- January 26, 2003 - March 30, 2003 Angle-Plex (x2) -- January 6, 2003 - January 26, 2003 (Won held up Title in a Ladder Match against Thunderkid) Thunderkid -- December 29, 2002 - December 31, 2002 (Title was held up) Angle-Plex -- October 27, 2002 - December 29, 2002 Big Poppa Popick -- August 26, 2002 - October 27, 2002 (Popick renamed the Title the OAOAST North American Championship on the 10-21-02 edition of IntenselyHeldDOWN) Mystery Eskimo -- July 22, 2002 - August 26, 2002 (Unified the TV Title and the US Title into the USTV Title in a Barbed Wire Ladder Match as he defeated US Champion Alfdogg. Was TV Champion.) OAOAST TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP (formerly the OAOAST CRUISERWEIGHT and OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP) # Mystery Eskimo -- June 3, 2002 - July 22, 2002 (Eskimo renamed the Title the OAOAST Television Championship on the 6-8-02 edition of WCW Saturday Night. Defeated Alfdogg to unify the newer US Title with the TV Title to form the USTV Title on the 7-22-02 edition of IntenselyHeldDOWN.) Big Poppa Popick -- May 6, 2002 - June 3, 2002 (Picked up the Cruiserweight Title from the trash can and declared himself Champion. Popick renamed the Title the OAOAST United States Championship on 5-14-02.) OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP # + Mystery Eskimo -- July 22, 2002 (Defeated Alfdogg on the 7-22-02 edition of IntenselyHeldDOWN to unify the US and TV Titles into the USTV Title) Alfdogg -- June 16, 2002 - July 22, 2002 (Defeated EvenflowDDT to unify the IC and HK Titles into the US Title) OAOAST INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP # Alfdogg -- May 26, 2002 - June 16, 2002 (Defeated EvenflowDDT in a HK/IC Unification Match to crown the first-ever OAOAST United States Champion) CWM (x2) -- May 3, 2002 - May 26, 2002 (Won Title in 2 fall match where the HK & IC Titles were on the line) TheSoleSurvivor -- April 2002 - May 3, 2002 CWM -- May 3, 2002 - May 26, 2002 (Defeated TSS in the 3rd fall of a 3 fall match to become the first IC Champion) OAOAST HARDKORE CHAMPIONSHIP # Alfdogg -- June 16, 2002 (Defeated EvenflowDDT in a HK/IC Unification Match to crown the first-ever OAOAST United States Champion) EvenflowDDT -- May 26, 2002 - June 16, 2002 TheSoleSurvivor -- May 3, 2002 - May 26, 2002 (Won Title in 2 fall match where the HK & IC Titles were on the line) CWM -- April 15, 2002 - May 3, 2002 (Proclaimed Champion) Anglesault -- April 12, 2002 - April 15, 2002 (Proclaimed Champion. First Title to appear in the OAOAST. Title becomes vacant.) OAOAST F13 CHAMPIONSHIP "The Professional" Mike Darring -- October 26, 2003 - October 28, 2003 (Title ceases to exist after being slammed to the mat and stomped upon) "Shooter" Jay Darring -- October 21, 2003 - October 26, 2003 Orion -- March 30, 2003 - October 21, 2003 ("Defeated Big Poppa Popick" by countout -- in reality, it was an empty arena where BPP no showed -- to become the 1st Champion) OAOAST EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP Mystery Eskimo -- May 8, 2002 - May 14, 2002 (Proclaimed Champion. Title ceases to exist after Jingus took a huge bite out of the Title belt.) BigMcLargeHuge -- April 17, 2002 - April 21, 2002 (Proclaimed Champion. Title becomes vacant.) Some Guy -- April 17, 2002 (Proclaimed Champion. Title becomes vacant later in the day.) CWM -- April 14, 2002 - April 15, 2002 (Proclaimed Champion. Title becomes vacant to make way for the HardKore Title.) Anglesault -- April 13, 2002 - April 14, 2002 (Proclaimed Champion. Title becomes vacant.) HI-YAH WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP (DISCONTINUED) Faqu -- June 8, 2006 - Zack Malibu -- February 26, 2006 - June 8, 2006 Christian Wright -- October 30, 2005 - February 26, 2006 The Parka -- October 6, 2005 - October 30, 2005 Bohemoth -- June 23, 2005 - October 6, 2005 (Won a 16-Man Tournament) Masahiro Chono -- February 17, 2005 - May 21, 2005 (Chono was stripped of the Title because he hadn't defended it within the 30-Day limit. Or ever, for that matter.) Axel (x2) -- December 26, 2004 - February 17, 2005 Ragdoll -- October 31, 2004 - December 26, 2004 Axel -- ???? - October 31, 2004 HI-YAH WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP * Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew (Rico de Janeiro & "Sweet" Lucius Soul) -- April 12, 2007 - August 4, 2007 D*LUX (x3) -- January 28, 2007 - April 12, 2007 Colombian Heat & Spanish Fly -- January 18, 2007 - January 28, 2007 "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican & Stephen Joseph Popick -- November 27, 2006 - January 18, 2007 D*LUX (x2) -- July 30, 2006 - November 27, 2006 Beverly Hills Blonds (Ned Blanchard & Simon Singleton) -- May 26, 2006 - July 30, 2006 D*LUX ("Tremendous" Tyler Bryant & "Showtime" Shayne Brave) -- April 30, 2006 - May 25, 2006 The Love Doctors (x2) -- April 25, 2005 - April 30, 2006 Hell's Hitmen (Jingus & The Sadist) -- February 27, 2005 - April 25, 2005 The Love Doctors (Dr. Steven Pigley & Dr. Max Anderson) -- December 27, 2004 - February 27, 2005 Black T (Dan Black & Tony Brannigan) -- August 19, 2004 - December 27, 2004 OAOAST INTERNATIONAL WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP @ "After Hours" Felix Strutter -- December 6, 2007 - January 27, 2008(Strutter pinned Denzel Spencer in a Fatal 4-way match which also featured champion Reject and Sandman9000) Reject -- September 6, 2007 - December 6, 2007 (Originally the WDW World Title, the Title was renamed after Reject defeated Alfdogg for it on August 26, 2007. Alfdogg had originally defeated CWM to become the first-ever WDW World Champion on December 26, 2004.) * - Merged with the OAOAST & WDW Tag Team Titles to create the One & Only World Tag Team Championship # - Merged into the X-Division Title's lineage + - Despite sharing the same name, there have been two different United States Championships in OAOAST history. The first one began and ended in 2002. The second one began in 2007. @ - Unified with the OAOAST World title

NNMX will be in action.

Shit! For the second time ever, I wrote a detailed review. But guess what -- I click add reply...board error. The show was enjoyable. I didn't notice the continuity error, but I did see a Brian Pillman smart marks reference. Hooray! I thought J&S's heel turn was handled well. At least to my knowledge, there were no plans to continue the team of J&S until an idea just fell out of the blue. The NNMX-BT match served it purpose. We got a small taste at what the two teams are capable of. Then we saw all hell break loose in catering. The importance of the tag titles can be seen by ALL the teams going after them, no matter if they're heels. Props to Northstar. The Saints segment was gold.

Are we doing the show on a Saturday? That's the 31st. The last Sunday of July is the 25th. BTW, the name of the show is This Ain't Oz.

Because I love receiving credit... Yes, it was my idea to open the show with GPX's theme kicking in. I try to shake up the format when I'm "directing" the shows, and it's one of the few things that hadn't been done yet. Unlike GPX the Saints don't come out with their music blasting (i.e., showing their lyrics) but the lyrics really fit with the later revelation of the groupies being tampered. The Midnights debut was two months in the making. I felt like I was paying too much attention to them instead of The Saints, but everything worked out in the end. The addition of NNMX gives the tag division actual wrestlers. When you look at the current teams, none of them are straight out wrestlers. Black T would be the closest thing. But like you said, they'll bring another dimension. The tag division will be burning up the OAOAST in the next few months. Eskimo & I are excited about it.

The most detailed feedback I've ever done. The opening was cool IMO. It was simple and effective. The graphics were handled well; it looked like it belong there, not tacked on to any place. The Saints-GPX match has been explained. I wanted to put over GPX's clear focus while keeping the fun-natured aspect of their characters. WarGhyemes has also been explained. Fun read. As I've said, the pic of Gorilla & Comic Book Guy AS was gold. I've only scanned the Smith-Cult of Damaurama match but it looked very soild. And he turned it in before WarGames! Take credit in that my friend. The Saints promo was whacky. A cameo by OAOAST head trainer and physician Dr. Ima Hoe, Futurama references, dick jokes -- beautiful. "Little Zoidbergs..." Much like Smith/COD, I've only scanned through Bryte/Lodez but I liked what I read. Then again, if you're looking for match ratings and whatnot, I'm not the one to look for. It's an entertainment based system with me. The Stevens promo was strong. I laughed at this: Popick did a better job with TBS than I expected. Stephen continues to build apon his storyline. Stone-Cappa was another soild match. I thought the ending was terrific -- the destruction of the PR title and beatdown on Cappa. Does that mean the PR title is finished? Oh yeah, baby! Finally the New New Midnight Express debuted. Loved the Cornette promo (even in an e-fed the Rock 'N' Roll Express get cheapshotted). Wait a minute... I wrote it. It provide the backstory for the upcoming tag title match between NNMX/BT. Like the Stevens promo, the one for Chris Bryte was handled well. The disappointment turned into anger and eventually an attack -- be it a push -- on a woman. You some it's on when a lady take a fall. Eskimo did a fine job writing the tag title match. The closing sequence was well done. I think it was the first time the X-Division title was the second to last match. I know that story meant a lot to LPYC, and he was rewarded. Hope you liked the gesture LP. As for WarGames... I haven't had time to read it yet (thanks to all that happened last night) -- only the finish, which I liked. I don't think it tops last years GAB but it was a great effort by all. FYI: Popick's handling the show next month.

I actually had you name down on paper but when it came time to type it, I completely forgot. Your name has been added -- at the top of the list! I blame Bradshaw for everything that's happened. The boards went down right when WGs was getting touched up by two different writers. Once again, huge props go out to Papacita for the awesome graphics. Everybody did a helluva job as well.

...que?? It's true. You, AS & I created the OAOAST. I even give you two a "OAOAST Created By" credit at every PPV. And I also liked WarGheymes (Yes I actually read it -- most of the show too). The pic of Monsoon & Comic Book Guy AS was hilarious.

The show would have been up by 12:30 EST but I think the boards went down. It wasn't until around 1:15 CT/2:15 EST that I was able to piece together WarGames and move it to HE. Then the board went down again. Before anybody asks, yes The Saints got squashed old school. The reason why was because I wanted to showcase GPX's "more focus" attitude while retaining their childish antics. The Saints will march again. It was better than the WWE's bash that's for sure.

Got a PM from his Lordship -- no, not Alfred Hayes -- one Mr. Zack Malibu. He'll be working on WG and hopes to have it done by 12:30. Here's hoping he has Pt. 1 as well.

Match received. I now have everything except Dama's match (which will be edited in as requested, or if he gets it in sooner than expected) and Zack's portion of WGs. When WGs is straighten out, the show will be posted.

Yep. I got a good laugh out of the first pic.

I got it. Edit: I also got your WGs stuff.

The Great Angle Bash A OAOAST ENTERTAINMENT PRODUCTION WRITTEN BY Damaramu Mystery Eskimo NY Untouchable LaParkaYourCar Hoff FrigidSoul Northstar Phoenix Fury Legdrop King Cucaracha Papacita Stephen Joseph Zack Malibu Tony149 GRAPHICS Papacita OAOAST CREATED BY CobainWasMurdered Anglesault Tony149 EXECUTIVES IN CHARGE OF PPV PRODUCTION Tony149 Stephen Joseph EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS Zack Malibu Chuck Woolery Northstar Mystery Eskimo DIRECTED BY Tony149 MMIV All Rights Reserved. THURSDAY NIGHT

CABOOSE Oh, baby, here we go! Gibraltar enters the cage and, rather then enter the ring, walks over to where Calvin has landed ungraciously on the arena floor. Sly, who was planning some sort of high-flying chicanery, thinks better of it and turns to head to Ring One. Seizing the moment, Calvin slides in under the ropes! Calvin sneaks up behind Sly, but Sly quickly spins and catches Cal with a big right hand! Calvin stutters, and the fans cheer as Sly pounces, leaping at Calvin with a modified Thesz press and taking him down! Sly UNLOADS a flurry of punches, but the fans' cheers quickly shift to jeers as Gibraltar enters the ring. Sly gets off of Calvin and heads to Gibraltar, but before Sly can even act, the monster floors him with a Yakuza kick! COLE That's the kind of difference Gibraltar makes! He can turn a match around in one fell swoop! Gibraltar looks down at Sly for a second before kneeling alongside of him and slapping on a blatant choke. Calvin rolls to a corner and takes a breather, but in Ring One, Crystal spots the dirty move! Crystal, who had been working over Hoff, heads off of Hoff and toward the second ring, but Hoff grabs her from behind as she tried to cross! Hoff pulls Crystal back and grabs her in a rear waistlock, but Crystal pulls a standing switch! But before she can act, Calvin springs to his feet, charges, dives THROUGH the ropes into ring one, and grabs Hoff's ankle! COACH What athleticism by Calvin Szechstein! CABOOSE Athletes like that don't get tired easy. Crystal tries to throw Hoff over in a German suplex, but Calvin, laid out on the mat, holds tight onto Hoff's boot, preventing Crystal from hitting the move! Crystal rears back again, but Hoff casually throws a back elbow to Crystal's temple! Crystal breaks the hold, and Cal lets go of Hoff, allowing Hoff to turn around and wallop Crystal with a standing clothesline! Cal hops to his feet and laughs as Hoff lays in some boots to Crystal. Meanwhile, Gibraltar lets up on the choke on Sly as Cal switches rings and approaches the Sly one. COLE Nice tactic by Calvin, you have to admit, but I can't agree with what we're seeing here. Hoff throws Crystal into a near turnbuckle in Ring One as Cal steps into Ring Two. Gibraltar picks Sly up off the mat and holds him up by his hair, allowing Calvin to slap him across the face. The fans boo as Hoff, in Ring One, lays into Crystal with a slow series of hooks to the ribs. AJ and Northstar yell encouragement from the outside as inside, Cal grabs Sly from Gibraltar and snapmares him over. COACHSome words of support for Crystal and Sly from their teammates, but I don't know if it'll be much help. COLE Well the numbers game starting to take over again, especially with both the big man and the REALLY big man in for the Thrillogy. Cal scrapes his boot across Sly's face as Hoff tosses Crystal out of the buckle and to the mat. Hoff smiles real wide and poses for the fans as Cal drops a knee across Sly's face. Gibraltar starts to pick Sly up, but is quickly cut off by a screaming Zack Malibu to "GO FOR CRYSTAL!" The fans are livid as Gibraltar looks out to his corner, where both Zack and St. Andrew are pointing towards Ring One. Gibraltar simply lets Sly drop, and Calvin capitalizes with a quick stomp to the face as Gibraltar crosses into Ring One. Hoff picks up Crystal, who throws a forearm as she rises, but Hoff shakes it off and kicks her in the midsection. Crystal doubles over, and Hoff drops her with a double sledge blow to the small of the back. Hoff smiles, but whirls around suddenly as Gibraltar comes up behind him. CABOOSE Uh-oh, this might not be good. COLE Hoff and Gibraltar have a history together... Hoff catches eyes with Gibraltar, and for a moment, a flicker of tension passes between the two. However, just as quickly, Hoff smiles and slaps Gibraltar on the chest, telling him to "go to town" as Hoff crosses into Ring Two, where Calvin has Sly locked in a legbar. CABOOSE Whew! They had me worried for a second. Hoff smirks down at Cal and nods, and Cal smiles as he wrenches on Sly's leg. Sly screams out in pain, and Hoff quickly silences him with a kick in the mouth. Hoff leans down to taunt Sly as Gibraltar picks Crystal up off the mat. Zack screams obscenities, mixed in with threats for the Female Phenom, as Gibraltar rears his fist back, but Crystal surprises him with a kick to the gut that catches him off-guard! COACH Atta girl! Gibraltar shakes the blow off, but before he can regroup completely, Crystal hits him with a stiff forearm! Crystal reaches up and levels a series of forearm shots at Gibraltar, and the big man begins to teeter! Sensing her chance, Crystal runs off the opposite ropes and charges...right into a Vader-like standing splash! Crystal cruples in a heap as Gibraltar looks down. Meanwhile, Calvin lets Sly out of the legbar, and shouts something to Hoff, who nods. Hoff scoops Sly up and hoists him over his shoulder as Cal hits the ropes. Cal comes off and runs at Hoff, jumping, grabbing Sly around the neck, and bringing him down in a modified flapjack/Diamond Cutter combo! COLE More great teamwork from the Thrillogy members, Hoff and Calvin Szechstein. CABOOSE You gotta hand it to them. Cal gets to his feet and again stomps away at the back of Cal's head. Hoff looks back to his corner and flashes a thumbs-up to Zack, who applauds the maneuver before turning his attention back to Ring One, where Gibraltar picks up Crystal, grabs her by the hair, and tosses her viciously out of the ring by her neck! Zack paces around the ring to where Crystal landed, but the referee quickly pulls Zack back to his own corner. Gibraltar steps out of the ring and hops down to the floor as, back in Ring Two, Calvin has Sly trapped in the corner. Calvin chokes Sly with his forearm, before quickly dodging out of the way, just in time to allow Hoff to hit an avalanche in the corner! Sly falls like a sack of bricks, and Hoff chokes him out with his knee. Calvin gloats to the fans in the arena... Until the buzzer goes off! The fans go wild as NORTHSTAR charges into the ring! Bypassing Crystal for the moment, who remains in peril on the outside, Northstar flies into the ring and hops over the ropes into Ring Two! Calvin, who was still taunting the fans, turns around just in time to be walloped by a big right hand! Calvin staggers back, clutching his jaw, as Hoff spies the commotion! Hoff eases off of Sly and stalks toward Northstar, but Northstar catches him with a flipping dropkick! Hoff goes down, and Northstar lands on his feet, quickly turning to catch Calvin with a dropkick! “Kiddy Stuff!” Northstar arrogantly comments. The fans light up as Northstar pumps his fist in celebrtion...only to be FLOORED by a clothesline to the back of the head by Gibraltar! CABOOSE Ah ha, the numbers game wins again! Gibraltar, having left Crystal lying on the outside, towers over Northstar as Northstar tries to find his feet! As the sparkly superstar gets up, Gibraltar grabs him by the throat for a chokeslam, but Sly gets up out of the corner and blasts him with a dropkick to the back! Gibraltar staggers and lets go of Northstar, turning to meet Sly, and Sly blasts him with a jumping heel kick! Gibraltar falls into the ropes, and Sly grabs one arm, and Northstar rises and grabs the other! The two fan favorites whip Gibraltar across the ring and off the ropes, and catch him with a double drop toe hold! Northstar and Sly bound to their feet, but quickly get hit from behind by Calvin and Hoff, respectively! COLE Sly and Northstar may have gotten carried away taking down the big man! CABOOSE Yeah, they've gotta keep their eyes on the Thrillogy! So do I, so does you, everybody! COLE Yeah, really. Both Sly and Northstar hit the ropes. Sly stumbles backwards, and Hoff catches him with a backdrop suplex. Northstar, meanwhile, turns and bounces forward, getting caught by Calvin in a snap belly-to-belly! It's the heels' turn to celebrate, as Cal and Hoff high-five after their respective suplexes. Gibraltar gets to his feet, nodding at a shouting St. Andrew. The three Team Thrillogy members turn around...and get caught with a big springboard plancha by Crystal!! COACH Talk about keeping your eye on the ball! The Thrillogy completely forgot about Crystal! Zack clutches his head on the outside as, on the inside, Crystal kips up! The three bad guys all roll to their feet, and Sly and Northstar as well! It's a race to get up first, and to the delight of the fans, the good guys win! Sly and Northstar kick a rising Calvin and Hoff in the skull, sending those two back down and rolling to the outside. Gibraltar finally gets to his feet, and Crystal lays into him with a big knife egde chop! Crystal fires another, and Gibraltar stumbles back against the ropes with his back to the outside! Crystal, with a brief nod to her partners, runs back off the far ropes, springs off, and gets pressed up by Sly and Northstar, and thrown violently into Gibraltar, clotheslining him over the top! COLE That was insane! Hoff and Calvin get back to their feet, shaking off the cobwebs. On either side of the ring, they head over to where Crystal and Gibraltar have landed, unaware of Northstar and Sommers in the ring. Looking across at each other, Northstar and Sly grab the top rope, jump, and twist, springing off the top rope and catching Calvin and Hoff with simultaneous top-rope Asai moonsaults!! COACH THAT was insane!! A small "holy shit" chant breaks out amongst the crowd as Sly pastes Calvin and Northstar lays out Hoff. The six combatants are all laid out on the far side of Ring Two, near the Thrillogy entrance. Zack complains to the official about time, an the ref informs him he's got a bit left yet to wait. Sly grabs Calvin by the hair and heads to the Thrillogy door, telling a frustrated Malibu "this one's for you!" and slamming Cal's face into the steel cage. Calvin bounces off, and Sly smirks as Malibu begins to tear out his hair in frustration. Hoff is faring no better on the other side, as Northstar grates his face across the cage to the delight of the nearby audience. In the middle of the scene, Crystal pulls the monster Gibraltar up, sizing him up as best she can. As Gibraltar wobbles, Crystal cocks her head...looks hard at Gibraltar...turns...and plants a field-goal kick right between his legs! Gibraltar's usually stoic expression fades as his eyes bug out and he sinks to his knees! St. Andrew cries out as Crystal turns a furious gaze onto Malibu, pointing at him and screaming "THAT was for you, you son of a bitch!" CABOOSE Now that was low. He's a man of God! Crystal has nothing but hate in her eyes for her former friend, Zack, as she rolls Gibraltar back into the ring. On the outside, Sly continues to throw Calvin into anything he can find -- the cage, the ringposts, the apron -- all to the adulation of the manic crowd. Calvin staggers past the Thrillogy entrance and along the long side of the double ring, Cal folowing him the whole way. Meanwhile, Northstar is a bit less lucky with Hoff, who blocks an attempt by Northie to slam his head into the ring, and reverses the maneuver. Northstar reels, and Hoff scoops him up, turning and driving his back into the ringpost! Northstar cries out in pain as Hoff drops him hard on the ground. Back in the ring, Crystal looks out among the fans before heading over to the ropes! COLE Could be time for the Diamond to shine! COACH That rhyme was wack. Crystal steps over Gibraltar's prone body and heads to the ropes, jumping once, springing twice, and flipping over for the Diamond in the Rough, but nobody home! Gibraltar rolls toward Crystal and she jumps over him, but Crystal lands on her feet! Gibraltar gets up and turns, but Crystal goes low with a diving dropkick to Gibraltar's knee! Gibraltar shudders in pain and grasps his knee as he falls! Seizing the moment, Crystal snaps a soccer kick into Gibraltar's knee, causing the big man to literally HOWL in pain! COLE How do you chop down a redwood? You take it out at the base! CABOOSE I guess Gibraltar's not totally impervious to pain, just mostly! Come on, Gibraltar, get up...OH! Caboose winces as Crystal turns Gibraltar over and stomps at his bad leg! Crystal grabs him by the ankle and lifts his knee up, slamming it to the mat! St. Andrew is beside himself at ringside as the monster clutches desparartely at his knee! Meanwhile, though, Zack finds himself distracted as Sly takes a break from pummeling Calvin to look under the ring...and Sly comes up with a steel chair. A cheer goes up from the fans as Sly hoists the weapon high in the air! Zack screams "NO!" as Sly advances on a reeling Calvin Szechstien, but Calvin catches Sly with a SCHOOL'S OUT SUPERKICK, INTO the chair and into Sly's face! Zack lights up, and Calvin beams and points both hands at Zack. CALVIN THAT was for you, baby. Zack is all smiles as Calvin kicks Sly cockily in the back of the head. The fans are livid, booing so loud that they almost drown out the buzzer... The buzzer which allows Zack Malibu into the match. CABOOSE YES!! Oh, yeah, now it's on, NOW we got ourselves a match. Calvin shows a bit of surprise, then gives a polite golf clap as Malibu is let into the cage. The door closes behind him, and he and Zack nod at each other and slide into the ring. Crystal, who had Gibraltar in a single-leg Boston crab, lets go of the hold and rises to meet the two intruders. Crystal takes a step forward, then a step back...then a step forward as she rushes Malibu! Crystal pushes Zack into the corner and hits him with a big right hand, but Calvin quickly makes the save and throws Crystal down. Crystal rolls backwards through the throw and charges, but Calvin meets her with a big right hand that stuns her. Calvin lays into her again, and this time she stumbles and turns around...right into a SPINEBUSTER~ by Hoff! COACH Angry Man slam, again! CABOOSE You know, Hoff and I talk a lot, and he's really not that angry. Zack and Cal are all smiles as for the moment, Sly and Northstar are both laid out on the outside of the ring. Hoff checks on Gibraltar quickly as Calvin and Zack pick Crystal up off the mat. Zack taunts Crystal, shouting "you want to be me? You want to be a CHAMPION?!" before slapping her hard and letting her fall to the mat. Gibraltar pulls himself up, slightly favoring his knee but shaking it off... CABOOSE NOTHING can keep Gibraltar down! Gibraltar checks on both Northstar and Sly, who are still down from their previous beatings. Meanwhile, Hoff picks Crystal up and positions her between his legs in a standing headscissors. Hoff reaches down and grabs Crystal around her waist, lifting her up. Zack and Calvin, on either side, grab Crystal by her shoulders, and together, the Thrillogy slams Crystal with a three-man powerbomb! The fans fall silent in anger and awe, as the Thrillogy celebrates the devastating move! COLE Now this is brutal. This is an assault. Zack stands straddling Crystal's prone form, looking down and smiling thinly. Zack waves Gibraltar over as Calvin hops over the ropes and lands outside the ring, heading to where Sly begins to stir. Zack points down to Crystal, and Gibraltar just nods and begins stomping away, methodically, at the Female Phenom. As Zack crosses into Ring One, Hoff looks to his right and notices Northstar getting to his feet. Before Northstar can so much as look up, Hoff grabs the top strand and catapults himself over with a cross body block to the outside! Hoff floors Northstar, and kneels next to him, punching down at Northstar's face. Meanwhile, Calvin has picked Sly up on the outside, and grabbing Sly by the neck and tights, runs him face-first into the steel cage! COACH That steel is unforgiving and...oh, what's Zack up to now? Zack has crossed into Ring Two and walks over to the good guys' corner, looking at their door, where AJ Flaire is pacing, fuming, waiting to be let in the ring. Zack calls out to AJ, who looks up, his eyes lit up with rage. Zack starts throwing a series of catcalls at AJ, who grabs the cage door and tries to rip it off its hinges! Zack laughs as the referee at ringside, as well as security, pull AJ away from the cage door! Hoff, seeing the commotion from the corner of his eye, slams Northstar's head into the ring apron, then drops him and rolls into Ring Two. As security restrains Flaire, Hoff mimics and old man walking through the ring, holding onto his back and pretending to have a cane. Zack bursts out laughing as the fans let the pair know what they think of the comedy. COLE Come on, there's no place for this! This is a wrestling match! The fans chant "you suck" as Zack composes himself. Hoff rolls out of the ring and heads back to meet Northstar, who catches Hoff with a punch, but Hoff simply fires back with a roundhouse right that sends Northstar spinning around and falling to the floor. Meanwhile, Calvin rolls Sly into the empty Ring Two and follows him in. Sly crawls to his knees, but Calvin pounces on him, grabbing him in a side headlock and forcing him onto his stomach. Calvin cries out "TOTALLY ENDORSED FOREVA!" to the dismay of the crowd, and laughs as he cinches in on the headlock. Meanwhile, Zack crosses back into Ring One, where every so often, when Crystal tries to get up, Gibraltar stomps hard into her lower back. Zack calls Gibraltar off, and pulls Crystal to her feet, smiling at her before sending her back down with a European uppercut. Zack calls Hoff back into the ring, and the big man lets go of Northstar's face, which he was grinding into the steel, and rolls in under the bottom rope. COACH What could the Thrillogy be up to now? Hoff looks over to Ring Two, and shouts out "you okay, Cal?" Calvin just shoots Hoff a thumbs-up and quickly brings his hand back down into the side headlock. Hoff turns to Zack, who whispers something in his ear that brings a smile to Hoff's face. Zack says something to Gibraltar, and the two big men grab Crystal. Hoff holds her by the ankles, and Gibraltar grabs her by the arms, and Zack heads to the top turnbuckle. The fans begin to jeer again as Zack stands up fully on the ropes, and yells "Michael Cole!" and gyrates his hips. Hoff laughs, Calvin laughs, Gibraltar even cracks a slight smile, and Zack jumps...catching Crystal, who was suspended in midair, with a huge splash. Crystal cries out in pain, and clutches her ribs as she rolls around on the mat. Hoff and Zack slap a high-five. COLE This is awful, this is despicable, this is...look, look at AJ Flaire on the outside! As the bad guys celebrate yet another big move in their onslaught, AJ Flaire paces outside the ring! AJ is almost in hysterics, grabbing his hair, and stopping occasionally to shake the cage! The fans begin to chant "A-J, A-J," but this only serves to make AJ even CRAZIER! Finally the ref begins to count down, and the fans count along! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1! *BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT* The referee opens the door, and AJ sprints into the ring! COLE Here comes AJ! The crowd is blowing the roof off the arena! Indeed they are! AJ Flaire spears a hole through Zack’s gut! Zack writhes around in pain, clutching his stomach and cursing the man who invented the treacherous move known as the spear. Flaire mounts Zack but before he can even think of doing harm to the world champ, Hoff grabs him by his hair and yanks him to his feet! Hoff uses an Irish whip to propel Flaire towards Gibraltar, who tries to knock AJ’s head off with a clothesline! BUT, AJ baseball slides under the big man’s arm! He stands up and hits Gibraltar with a picture perfect dropkick that sends Saint Andrew’s goon crashing into Hoff, causing the Thrillogy member to tumble through the ropes and out of the ring! COLE Sound move by AJ! He used Gibraltar’s big body as a weapon. “I’m not done with you! Get your ass back in the ring!” Flaire orders Hoff as he leans over the ropes. Flaire ceases his taunting of Hoff when he realizes that an enraged Gibraltar is on his feet. Flaire stands tall, never once looking like he’s about to back down from this gargantuan beast. Suddenly, Gibraltar clumsily stumbles towards Flaire. The former X division champion grabs the top rope and drops to the ground causing Gibraltar to free fall over the ropes and to the outside! Flaire turns his head around and sees Sly smirking at the sight of he and AJ knocking such an enormous demon out of the ring. The good times come crashing to a halt when Zack Malibu nails Sly with a low blow. The smile disappears from Sly’s face only to reappear on Zack’s. He nails Sly in the back of head with a monestrous straight kick! Zack doesn’t even bother to watch Sly crumple to the mat as the champ FLOORS~! AJ Flaire with a yakuza kick! With both men down and out, Zack stops to admire the carnage that he just caused. COLE Sly drop kicked Gibraltar towards AJ and AJ lowered the ropes so that Gibraltar would fall over. And now Zack takes them both out! ELSEWHERE Calvin and Northstar have been exchanging recipes for the Austrian dish, Salzburger Nockerl in between trying to knock each other into next week with wild haymakers! Northstar breaks up the punchfest by sending Calvin to the mat with a fluid arm drag takedown. Calvin scampers away before Northstar can cinch on a potentially lethal armbar. Northstar stays with Calvin and rocks him a nasty body blow, doubling the main event star over and knocking the wind out of him! With Cal in a vulnerable state Northstar locks him into an underhook position. Calvin struggles to free himself from the hold, while at the same wasting the breath he’s fighting to catch. “Nice knowing you, sugar!” Northstar remarks before lifting Calvin into the air and dropping the corporate sellout back first across his outstretched knee. Calvin starts to roll away, hoping to get out of the ring and catch a breather but Northstar grabs a hold of his feet and yanks him towards the center of the ring! Looking to keep his adversary down, Northstar drops an elbow onto his upper back! CABOOSE This match has gone on so long I’ve run out of things to say. Noticing that Calvin is clutching his back Northstar tells him “Here’s a kiss to make it better!” as he hooks his arms around Calvin’s legs and turns him over for the Blow a Kiss (Liontamer). Northstar isn’t even able to properly lock on the move as he spots Zack Malibu charging at him with a clothesline! Northstar ducks down, avoiding a near disastrous attack but breaking his finishing move at the same time! Zack rebounds off the ropes and comes charging at Northstar like a maniac with another clothesline! Northstar bends backwards in a Matrix like maneuver avoiding the move for the second time in ten seconds! Instead of running the ropes for a third time, Zack hits the brakes and waits for Northstar to stand up. When he does Zack grabs him by the shoulder and spins him around so that they’re face to face and levels him with a stiff roundhouse kick to the face!!!!! CABOOSE Um, that probably hurt. “Owwwwww!” Northstar screams at the top of his lungs as he tries in vain to call for a time out. Zack backs away from his arch rival, allowing Northstar to get to his feet without interuption. Looking to put his team in the drivers seat permanently, Zack yanks Calvin to his feet. He shares a few quick words of strategy with Calvin then the two head over to Northstar who’s leaning against the ropes and checking to see if he steel has all his teeth. Northstar fires off punch after punch in valiant effort to fight them off, but Calvin and Zack easily over power him with clubbing forearms. Zack calls out for a combination of a Back body drop into a pile driver! Calvin flashes a devious smile and nods approvingly at the anguish they’re about to cause. Zack hooks his head between Northstar’s arm as Calvin waits to perform the pile driver portion of the double team. The crowd comes to life as Crystal saves the day by clotheslining Calvin in the back and dropkicking Zack in knee before he can drive Northstar to the mat with a back body drop! CABOOSE If it weren’t for Crystal this match would’ve been over! The sellout crowd is on their feet and chanting Crystal’s name while they watch her hit Zack with a release German suplex that folds him up like the now defunct California Golden Seals! Wearing a pained and perturbed look, Zack staggers to his feet. He dashes at Crystal and leap frogs her when she ducks down. He bounces off the ropes and comes at her with a yakuza kick. Crystal who has seen enough of his matches to expect him to use that signature move grabs his foot and violently shoves him down to the mat!! COLE If I see another yakuza kick, I’ll kill someone. Swear to god. Fortunately for a hurting Zack, Crystal’s attention is diverted as she turns around to find herself face to chest with a fuming Gibraltar. And he ain’t here to play bridge! Before Crystal can even think of reacting, Gibraltar grabs her by the throat and TOSSES her to the corner where she lands back first against the turnbuckle! The crowd deflates like a popped balloon as it looks like another fan favorite is about to get their ass handed to them. Gibraltar charges at Crystal, seeking to sandwich the lightweight between the turnbuckle and his mountain like body! CRAAAAAACK! AJ Flaire leans over the ropes and SMACKS Gibraltar square in the face right as he was about to make road kill out of Crystal! AJ Flaire rears the chair back and lowers it on Gibraltar’s head one more time! The sound of flesh meeting steel echoes throughout the arena as the big man staggers backwards, slightly dazed from the blows. COLE Two chair shots and Gibraltar is still standing! Will the third time be a charm? We’ll never know as Hoff yanks Flaire off the ring apron and brings him to the floor! Flaire wildly swings the chair at Hoff! Hoff turns his body sideways so that his tree trunk like arm absorbs the brunt of the blow. Flaire attempts to knock Hoff out with the chair one more time, but Hoff knees Falire in the gut before the boom can be lowered! Flaire drops the chair to the mat! Hoff snags him in a front face flock then falls backwards, DRIVING Flaire face first onto the steel chair! Hoff simply laughs as he watches AJ clutch his face and holler out in sheer agony. When AJ’s pain ceases to amuse him, Hoff rolls himself into the ring to join his partners in crime. He spots Gibraltar silently stalking Crystal across the ring. Crystal’s backing away from the psychotic beast while throwing weak jabs that are meant to keep him at bay rather then damage him. Crystal makes the huge mistake of backing into Hoff, who hooks her arms behind her back allowing Gibraltar the chance to take as many free shots as his sadistic heart desires. Gibraltar winds up as he prepares to rearrange Crystal’s face! But at the last possible second, Crystal mule kicks Hoff, side steps Gibraltar’s punch and watches as his fist moves Hoff’s nose three inches to the left! Crystal shoves a bleeding Hoff to the ground as she runs the ropes. She bounces back with a cross body block but Gibraltar predictably catches her! All looks lost as he falls to the mat and tosses Crystal backwards with a fall away slam! The predictable turns into the unpredictable as Sly is there to heroically catch her in his arms! He sets her down and the two fan favorites exchange smiles before charging at Gibraltar putting the biggest man in the match flat on his big ass with a double spinning wheel kicks! CABOOSE Gibraltar won’t stay down for long. If they want to win they need to finish him now. Back on his feet and with blood pouring from his nose, Hoff angrily spins Sly Sommers around. Sly fires a right hand that sends Hoff daddy reeling towards the ropes! With Crystal pounding away at Gibraltar, Sly charges towards Hoff, looking to knock him to the outside and take him out of the match! However, Hoff’s looking to do the same to Sly as he ducks down and back flips Sly over the ropes! The crowd breathes a sigh of relief as Sly lands on the ring apron! Hoff simply becomes more enraged when he see’s that Sly avoided a fall to the outside! He grabs the back of Sly’s head and leads him to the corner, where he tries to smash his head into the turnbuckle! But Sly has other ideas and easily counters the move by holding onto the ropes and placing his foot onto the bottom ropes! The boy from Bayside fires off a ferocious elbow towards Hoff’s bleeding nose causing tiny drops of blood to fly from his face and land on the sweat soaked mat. Hoff glowers at the ex X division champion as Sly steps underneath the ropes. Hoff tries to bury a massive boot in Sly’s gut but Sly catches his foot! In one smooth as a baby’s behind motion Sly spins Hoff around and DROPS him with a USA High angle backdrop 2K4!!!!!!!!! The crowd roars in approval as they watch Hoff grimace in pain as he slowly rolls out of the ring, agonizing over his pathetic misfortune. Sly is unable to bask in the cheers of the crowd as he immediately Gibraltar’s gigantic hand wrapped around his neck! Sly looks past the hulking ogre to see Crystal slumped over in the corner. Coming to the stark realization that he’s his last line of defense, Sly begins to furiously kick at Gibraltar’s knees. Gibraltar shrugs off the blows as he lifts Sly by the throat high into the air! Sly doesn’t stop kicking and fighting as Gibraltar charges towards the corner and CHOKE SLAMS him onto the top turnbuckle! As he lies on the turnbuckle staring at the top of the steel cage he lets out a distressing whimper. Gibraltar looks on with a blank expression as he shoves Sly off the turnbuckle and to the outside where he joins AJ Flaire and Hoff. Still showing no emotion, Gibraltar goes to the outside with the intention on dishing out even more punishment to his opponents. As he steps over the ropes and descends to the floor, he’s cut off by Northstar, who foolishly tries to take him down with body blows! Gibraltar swats him away like an annoying fruit fly and starts to walk towards AJ. However Northstar leaps on his continent sized back and tries to lock him into a sleeper hold. This proves to be another one of Northstar’s stupid ideas as Gibraltar, with Northstar still on his back, runs backwards towards the steel cage! Just as he’s about leave an imprint of the cage on Northstar’s back the native of Beverly Hills lets go of his sleeper, hops off Gibraltar’s back, ducks underneath his legs and watches the savage fiend crash back first into the steel cage! Northstar yanks a pair of comically oversized handcuffs out of his pocket, slaps them onto Gibraltar’s wrist then handcuffs him to the steel cage! The crowd loudly cheers Northstar’s underhanded display! CABOOSE Can you believe that crap? COACH All is fair in love and war. “Me-1! You-0!” Northstar remarks while watching Gibraltar fight like a caged animal to break free of his restraint. Northstar blows Gib’s a kiss before heading back to the ring where Calvin and Zack are stomping away at Crystal. Calvin spots Northstar entering the squared circle and breaks away from Crystal to cut him off! Upon reaching Northstar, Calvin tears his flesh to shreds with five well placed knife edge chops. As he continues choping Northstar he turns his head towards Zack and calls out for a double team. Zack brings Crystal to her feet and whips her towards Northstar, who Calvin whipped towards Crystal. Crystal and Northstar aren’t nearly as dumb as they look as Northstar ducks down allowing Crystal to use his back as launching pad to jump into the air and land on Calvin’s shoulders! Calvin also isn’t as dumb as HE looks and he tries to powerbomb Crystal! But Crystal like Billy Kidman, CAN’T BE POWERBOMBED and she reverses the move into a hurricanrana! Directly behind her, Northstar shouts “I’m gonna forearm you good!” as he SMASHES Zack across the face with a flying forearm! COLE Looks like Crystal and Northstar have temporary control of this match! With the crowd on the edge of their seats Crystal grabs a hold of Calvin’s legs and sling shots him towards Northstar, who FLATTENS him with a powerful spine buster! Misery thy name is Calvin. Just like everyone else Calvin rolls out the ring. Now vehemently opposed to doing anything that might help his team win the match, Northstar wiggles his ass like he was in Lil Joh video then arrogantly twirls around as if he’s in a beauty pageant. And he twirls right into a SCHOOL’S OUT from Zack Malibu, effectively eliminating him from the match! CABOOSE Be cool, stay in school! Bahwhahahaaa! COACH This is what we all came to see, a one on one showdown between Crystal and Zack! Now we’re going to get it! The fans engage in dueling chants of “Let’s go Crystal!” and “FUCK ZACK!” The two recipients of the chants circle each other with hatred burning in their eyes. Crystal strikes first as she quickly goes behind Zack and hits a rear waist lock. Zack prepares to reverse a German suplex only to be taken to the mat with a side amateur takedown! COACH Way to go! Throw that cocky SOB a curve! His pride more hurt then anything else, Zack angrily looks on as Crystal waves him on. Not one to back down from a challenge Zack rushes towards Crystal and goes behind her for a waist lock of his own! Instead of going for a side take down like Crystal, Zack goes for a German Suplex! His ex-companion counters the move into a roll up! Zack pushes her off before any count can be made! Both competitors get to their feet! Zack locks Crystal into position for a vertical suplex! Crystal counters with a vertical suplex of her own! Zack counters her attempt by hooking his leg in between Crystal’s and shoving her away! The mile a minute paced action continues as Zack throws out a lightning quick School’s Out! As quick as he threw it, Crystal’s even quicker with a basement drop kick to his free leg! Zack falls to the ground, but quickly gets up, limping away from Crystal and looking for a way out of this predicament! With chants of “Let’s go Crystal” raining down from every corner of the arena, the female phenom takes Zack’s legs out from under him with a swift soccer like kick! She throws her index finger into the air and her loyal fans do the same! Crystal locks on the Crystalling and poor little Zack finds himself overwhelmed by pain! He hollers out for one of his teammates to come save him from certain defeat! Some of the pain is replaced by feelings of relief as Hoff returns to the ring to answer Zack’s call for help! The feelings of relief are suddenly ripped away from Zack and replaced by those of tormented distress as he watches helplessly as AJ Falire cuts Hoff off at the pass and DRILLS his blood soaked nose with a FLYING~! chair shot! Zack looks on in horror as Hoff lies on the mat unconscious and the fans chant for him to tap out! Zack makes one last futile plea for help then finally TAPS OUT to the Crystalling! The minute Zack’s hands hit the mat, the fans erupt like a volcano, nearly blowing the roof of the arena with their cheers! COACH SHE DID IT! I MEAN, THEY DID IT! BUT SHE DID IT! CABOOSE Calm down, fanboi! Zack’s still the champ. In the long run that’s all that matters. Crystal and her gang of cronies and boy toys can win all the War Game’s matches they want, but until they take the world title off Zack Malibu’s waist, it won’t mean anything. COACH Don’t you dare try to take this moment away from me! COLE You? You didn’t do anything! COACH I had to sit on my ass and do squat while Crystal took beating after beating from these goons! That’s doing a lot! As loud as “Set it off” screams over the sound system it’s not enough to drown out the appreciative cheers from the fans. As the cage is raised towards the ceiling(sans Gibraltar) Crystal lets go of Zack and looks out towards the celebrating crowd. Nearly exhausted she drops to her knees, holds her head towards the ground and weakly pumps her fist into the air in victory. Crystal finally sprawls out across the mat and we fade out with the crowd still chanting her name and her being unable to hear it.

No. I'd like to have everything by Sunday afternoon, but the show will be up by 8 p.m. eastern unless I'm missing something like the main event.

COACH It is now time for, without a doubt, the single most dangerous and destructive match in the history of wrestling. It is the War Games. MC Two teams of four, inside of a double-cage surrounding two rings, battling for OAOAST supremacy. You have the Thrillogy, who have gained the monstrous Gibraltar for one night only due to a "donation to the church", battling Sly Sommers, Crystal, AJ Flaire, and Northstar, dubbed by some to be the "Not Ready for Main Event Players" due to their inability to get the job done in big-match situations. CABOOSE And they will continue to not be able to get the job done in huge, main-event level matches tonight, as I can't see them winning at all with all that's in their way! MC You're referring to the obvious size advantage that Gibraltar and Hoff hold over all four members of the opposing team... CABOOSE That, and how truly pathetic that team is! COACH Whatever. The fact is, I think that Sly, Crystal, AJ, and Northstar have enough heart and determination to overcome whatever obstacles stand in their way. They've already overcome team in-fighting, losing their most dominant member, multiple proverbial muggings, and many other things that would shoot a normal person's morale down instantly. MC Both teams have their pluses and minuses, and it should be a tremendous, yet grueling battle. Let's go up to the rings, where Michael Buffer is standing by with our ring introductions. (Cut to shot of Buffer inside Ring One) BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the main event of the Great Angle Bash 2004, as two four-headed juggernaunts will collide in this very building in the single most grueling type of match in wrestling history, as we kick off the OAOAST Summer of Blood with a bang! Are you ready? ::decent pop:: I said, ARE YOU READY?!?! ::loud applause:: Then, for the thousands in this arena and the millions watching around the world...LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE! The crowd erupts, as the arena lights go out, and one big spotlight comes on to shine on the double-cage above the ring, as it's being lowered. Random pyro eruptions go off as the monstrocity of a cage gets closer to the ground. As soon as it touches the ground, all four corners erupt with vertical pyro explosions, and a huge pop commences... "Nothing" then begins, as all four members of Team Thrillogy then come to the ring... BUFFER Introducing first, weighing in tonight at a combined weight of 1,160 pounds...accompanied to the ring tonight by Candie and Saint Andrew...they are the team of Calvin Szechstein, Gibraltar, the 24/7 Champion Hoff, and the Heavyweight Champion of the WOOOOOOOOOOORLD!..."The Franchise" Zack Malibu! They are Team THRILLLLOOOOOGY! Thrillogy walk to their assigned cage entrance door, on the right side of the second half of the cage. MC There's none of the usual Thrillogy pagentry...this is about as serious as it gets. "Set It Off" then starts up, as Crystal, AJ Flaire, Sly Sommers, and Northstar come to the ring to a gigantic pop... BUFFER And their opponents...weighing in tonight at a combined weight of 773 pounds...they are the team of "The Phenomonal" AJ Flaire, Sly "The Sly" Sommers, Northstar, and the "Female Phenom" CRYYYYYSTAAAAAAL! COACH I think these two teams are ready for war! The "Not Ready for Main Event Players" huddle on the ramp near the main door, which is their assigned cage entrance. They then see that Zack Malibu looks to be opening the cage door. Crystal then yells to her group that she wants in first. They give the thumbs-up, and she charges into the cage. She has trouble shutting the door all of the way. As she's trying to get it shut, Calvin Szechstein runs into the cage from the Thrillogy entrance, exits Ring Two to enter Ring One, and jumps Crystal. *DING* *DING* Calvin holds Crystal on the ropes, and lays into her back with repeated stiff forearms. In between spots, Calvin either spits at or flips off her teammates. Calvin turns her around and gives her a knee to the gut. Calvin then takes the time to taunt her teammates by spitting at them and yelling various curse words. Calvin then whips Crystal off to the ropes. She bounces off, and Calvin lifts her for a flapjack. However, she takes advantage ot the recovery time given to her when Calvin was taunting her teammates, and reverses with a DDT! MC Thatta girl! Crystal then pulls Calvin up, and lays into him with repeated punches to the face. After a bevy of punches, Calvin ducks into a corner. Crystal connects with two more punches before hitting a great-looking dropsault, followed by connecting with a shoulder charge to the mid-section. Crystal takes a few steps back, charges forward, and nails a jumping enziguri to the back of Calvin's head to cause him to fall on his face. Crystal then turns him over and straddles him to punch him in the face some more. She then drags him to center-ring and goes to the second rope. She goes for a moonsault, but he gets his knees up at the last second. Calvin shakes off his cobwebs and forearms her in the face as she tries to get up. He then grabs her by the hair and tights to toss her face-first into the cage! She bounces off and walks into a snap powerslam! CABOOSE Calvin Szechstein: Beatin' women since back in the day! MC I'm sure that's something that the Board of Directors would be proud of... Calvin then steps on her hair with one foot as she lies on her stomach. He lifts up her legs and sends her back down by kicking her in the back stiffly. Calvin pulls her up by the hair and shoves her into the ropes. The back of her head hits the cage as she bounces off and walks into a brutal STO that sends the back of her head into the cage yet again! Calvin keeps ahold of her and, in one solid motion, brings her down with a Flatliner! CABOOSE It's only about a minute in, and my boys already have it in the bag! Calvin then turns Crystal over and starts strangling her with his bare hands. Calvin soon tires of just doing that, as he gets to his feet and kicks her in the face before going to the second rope. Calvin then connects with a falling front elbow to her throat. Calvin then pulls Crystal up, and whips her as hard as he can into the corner. She bounces off chest-first and falls on her back. Calvin pulls her up by the hair, and shoves her into the corner. She falls into a seated position, and Calvin starts rapidly stomping her in the chest and face. MC There's a wicked killer streak being released within Calvin Szechstein! Calvin then walks to the opposite corner as she's left seated in that corner. Calvin then charges forward like a demon and connects with a running knee to her face! Calvin then rips off a long strip of athletic tape from his left hand and begins to choke Crystal with it. Calvin then tosses it when he's finished choking her, with it getting stuck to the cage. Calvin then grabs Crystal's legs, and attempts to pull her out of the corner with a sitdown powerbomb. But, she backflips out and onto her feet as he lifts. He falls on his BUTT and gets dropkicked in the face for it! COACH That's what I call "smashmouth"! She waits for him to get up. When he does, she springboards to the second rope and hits a turnaround flying clothesline! Crystal then pulls Calvin up, and connects with a European uppercut that sends him against the ropes, with his arms stuck between the ropes and cage. Crystal then lets loose with a stiff series of chops, leaving Calvin's chest beet-red. Crystal then lifts herself onto his shoulders in an electric chair position, swivels around to get Cal to slightly lose balance and shift to the right, and bridges back on the ropes in between the two rings to lock in a reverse headscissors tarantula! CABOOSE No fair! That's an illegal choke! MC This is War Games! Nothing's illegal! She cranks back on the hold, with Cal's head even turning blue for a few seconds, before losing grip and falling onto the apron. She crawls back into the ring and grabs Cal by the ankle to keep ahold of him. She pulls him up, and whips him off to the ropes. He reverses the Irish whip, and brings her up and down on the way back with a falling hiptoss. Calvin then pulls her up by the hair and tosses her into the other ring. Calvin then taunts the other members of her team with his back turned to her. She shakes the cobwebs off as he continues to waste time. As he finally turns around, she springboards to the top rope in Ring Two, jumps to the top rope in Ring One, and sends Calvin down with a springboard dropkick! COACH KA-BAM! She pulls Calvin up, and kicks him in the stomach. She then whips him off to the ropes. He bounces off of the ropes, and Crystal flies at him for a lariat. She then twists around mid-move and brings him down with a reverse DDT! Crystal pulls Calvin up, and goes for a DDT. But, Calvin grabs onto her leg so that she can't come down without driving herself down in a painful position. So, she forearms him in the back repeatedly and then backs up to come off of the ropes. She goes for a clothesline, but Calvin ducks down, grabs the arm, twists around with her, and hits a neckbreaker. CABOOSE Nothing gets past Calvin Szechstein! Cal waits until she gets to her knees. When she does, he charges forward and dropkicks her in the side of the head. Calvin then pulls her up, and chops her once, though very loudly. Cal, still having a hold of her by the hair, pulls her into front facelock position and quickly switches to suplex-lifting position. He turns himself around after lifting her, and suplexes her back into the corner, where she ends up entangled in the Tree of Woe! MC I must admit: that was a pretty creative use of the suplex. Calvin then chokes Crystal with the bottom of his boot yet again, and dropkicks her in the stomach. She ends up falling out of the tree of woe as she's clinching her stomach. Calvin pulls her up, locks her hand between her legs, hooks the other arm, and drops her with a pumphandle suplex. Cal then kips up, spits his gum in the air, and pulls Crystal up. He then goes for a side suplex. She blocks by hooking her foot around his leg. He forearms her in the back twice, and goes for it again. But, she ends up landing on her feet behind him. He turns around and walks right into a forearm to the face. COACH Idiot... Crystal then whips him off to the ropes. She goes for something when he bounces off, but he ends up grabbing her arm and reversing the whip. She comes off of the ropes and goes for a flying headscissors. But, she gets caught in tombstone position, and Cal then slams her onto her back. Szechstein pulls her up, and clotheslines her down while holding her by the hair. He then pulls her up by the hair yet again, and takes her over to the mesh fencing, where he repeatedly slams her face against the cage. After finishing that, he hooks her and sends her back with a Russian legsweep. CABOOSE That's Calvin Szechstein for ya: always reacting... Szechstein pulls her up and knees her in the face while she's kneeling. He then pulls her all of the way up and drops her with a side suplex. He rolls onto his back, kips up, comes off of the ropes, and drops a fistdrop on Crystal's face. Szechstein lifts her up and tosses her into a corner. He then kisses two of his fingers, points at his partners, pounds his chest, and nails a stiff back elbow to Crystal's jaw. COLE That's just plain arrogant. Calvin does the same cocky gesture, and then drives another back elbow at Crystal, this time to the center of her chest. Calvin then goes for the Irish whip, but turns it around himself and drives her chest-first into the corner. She bounces off upon impact, and gets driven down to the mat with a sitdown STO-type manuever. He then drags her further out in the ring, and then goes up to the second rope. He yells something inaudible to Crystal involving the f-word. He then goes for a falling headbutt, but she moves out of the way and he falls on his face! COACH That's what you get for being cocky! Both slowly get up. As they struggle to their feet, the referee outside of the ring gets the call in his ear to do the coin toss to determine which team gets to send in their member next. He pulls the coin out of his pocket, and tells the Thrillogy to select which side they want it to land on. Zack yells out, "Heads!" The referee then flips the coin. It lands on the ground, and the referee looks down to officially declare it to be Heads. The Thrillogy celebrate at ringside, as their opponents brood over by their entrance. CABOOSE That's a good referee if I've ever seen one! COLE It was probably a double-headed coin! Crystal gets up first, and starts miming a rope pull as Calvin struggles up to his feet, which seems to signal for her going for the Canadian Destroyer. Right before Calvin reaches both feet, the buzzer goes off! Hoff from the Thrillogy then enters the cage, runs directly into Ring One, and jumps Crystal from behind. He pulls her up after his first set of strikes, and whips her off to the ropes. He then lifts her in side suplex position, swings around, and both tosses and drops her at the same time! CABOOSE What strength by the Thrillogy Assassain! Hoff pulls Crystal up, and lifts her for a suplex. He ends up holding her up there...and holding her up there...and holding her up there. He ends up keeping her up in the suplex for twenty seconds before dropping her with the suplex! Calvin then comes running out of the corner that he used to help pull himself up with, and connects with a kneedrop. Hoff pulls Crystal up as Calvin kneels to one knee. Hoff then slams Crystal onto Calvin's knee and Cal shrugs her off. COLE As much as I hate to admit it, Hoff and Calvin are a very well-oiled machine. Calvin then pulls Crystal up by the hair, and shoves her into a corner. Calvin and Hoff then pound on Crystal with hard right-handed shots to the face. They then each grab her by an armpit, and toss her with a big Beale toss (double hiptoss)! Hoff then lifts his own partner onto his shoulders, and drops him with an FU so that he falls on Crystal in senton-form. They then lift Crystal up, grab her by the arms, and repeatedly toss her back-first into the mesh cage! COACH This is excessive brutality! Hoff then grabs her by the hair, and starts pounding her face into the cage repeatedly. This ends up opening a small cut in the center of her forehead that trickles blood. Hoff then lifts Crystal for a slam, and ends up spinning her for a Catatonic. On the way down, Calvin grabs ahold of her in Russian legsweep-fashion to bring her down even harder. Hoff and Calvin then cococt a double-team move where Hoff lifts Calvin for a side suplex, and tosses him over his shoulder, where he nails a moonsault on Crystal. CABOOSE This proves that unity is much more solid grounds for victory than insanity. Calvin then straddles Crystal and repeatedly punches her in the face. Hoff tells Calvin to back off and he does. Hoff then jogs forward and hits a running frog splash. Calvin and Hoff then each hook a leg of hers in half-crab fashion, and roll forward, ending up with a double-team rolling bomb on her! They keep ahold of her legs, and roll it over into a double team Boston Crab! COLE That looks painful! Hoff and Calvin get bored with the submission hold, and let go. They then lift her by the hair and go for a double suplex. They back up and slam her into the cage before falling forward with a front-face suplex! Hoff and Calvin knock fists in celebration before Calvin then pulls her up, and kicks her in the stomach. Hoff comes off of the ropes and connects with a stiff running kick to the side of her head! The impact of that spins her around, and into spinebuster position by Hoff. Calvin then bounces off of the ropes and connects with a leaping clothesline as Hoff drops her with a front spinebuster! He then turns her around into a Boston Crab, and Calvin nails her in the face with a baseball slide! COLE Isn't that... COACH Shut up with the indy references! Hoff then pulls her up and whips her off to the ropes. She bounces off, and showing all the fight left in her, goes for a bodypress. However, Hoff is too big and strong, and ends up catching her. He then tosses her up on his shoulders and drops her with Cruel Intentions. Calvin then asks Hoff to grab his foot. He does, and then flips Cal in a moonsault onto Crystal. Hoff then asks Calvin to go rest in Ring Two while he takes care of Crystal. Calvin follows his orders. COLE This arrogance will come back to bite them in the ass. Hoff then lifts her in powerbomb fashion and drapes her over his shoulder. He then puts her in Gory Special position, lets go of her neck, and drops her hard face-first onto the mat. Hoff then lifts her in a wheelbarrow-like way, and suplexes her to where she goes neck-first into the cage! Hoff pulls her out from between the top rope and the cage, and drops her with a big Exploder suplex! CABOOSE Kill 'er, Hoff! Hoff then pulls her to her feet and puts her in powerbomb position. He gives a thumbs-up to Calvin, who gives him the thumbs-up back. Hoff then lifts her for a powerbomb. Just at that moment, the buzzer goes off! Sly Sommers immediately rushes into the ring and dropkicks Hoff in the knee to stop his attempt at a powerbomb. He then rushes at the ropes, and dives over them with no touch to connect with a flying clothesline onto Calvin! COLE He's like a man possessed! Sly stays on Calvin, and repeatedly punches him in the face as hard as he can. He then grabs Calvin by the sides of his head and slams the back of his head into the canvas. He then pulls Calvin up, whips him to the ropes, and sends him down with a hard clothesline! Calvin dazily gets up, and walks into a dropkick from Sly. Calvin then tries rolling into Ring One, but he gets stuck in the crack between the rings. Sly then walks in between rings, and stomps on Calvin with both feet until he falls all the way in and under the rings! COACH Goodbye, Cal! Sly then enters Ring One, and starts wailing away at Hoff with punches. Crystal gets to her feet seconds later, and assists Sly with punching Hoff in the face. They then both whip Hoff off to the ropes, and catch him with a double front dropkick to send him down. He comes up, and Sly kicks him into a corner. Sly then goes down on all fours, Crystal charges forward, leaps off of Sly's back, and connects with a flying forearm to Hoff's face. COLE How's THAT for continuity, Caboose? CABOOSE Shut up. Hoff then stumbles and falls on his face. Crystal locks in a camel clutch, Sly takes a few steps back, and then field goal kicks Hoff in the jaw. Sly and Crystal get up and slap hands. Right at that moment, Calvin, who had fought his back from underneath the rings to squeeze back up, comes charging at them. But, they side-step and then hiptoss him into the cage! Sly pulls him out in between the top and middle ropes, and then pulls him to his feet. He whips Calvin off to the ropes, and lifts him for a Samoan Drop. Crystal then charges from the side, and they hit Three Count's old Countdown (Samoan Drop/swinging neckbreaker double-team manuever)! COACH Drop that fool, girl! Sly pulls Hoff up as Crystal pulls Calvin up. They send the two Thrillogy member to opposite corners, and deliver stereo chops to their chests. Sly and Crystal then go for dueling Irish whips on their opponents. Hoff reverses his Irish whip, but Sly is ready for it and ends up tackling Calvin! Sly pounds away at Calvin, and Crystal launches herself off of Sly at Hoff. But, he catches her and goes for a Catatonic. However, she reverses mid-swing into a DDT! COLE Incredible move by Crystal! Sly and Crystal then get up as Hoff dazily comes to his feet. Sly and Crystal charge forward, and nail dueling step-up enziguris, coming from both sides, to the back of Hoff's head! Crystal then pulls Calvin up, and snapmares him. She dropkicks him in the back of the head, and Sly follows up with a dropkick to the face! Crystal then lies on her stomach, and Sly lifts her in a wheelbarrow position. He then switches her position so that he can drop her in legdrop-fashion onto Calvin! CABOOSE No fair! Doesn't she count as a weapon in that form? Sly then tosses Calvin into Ring One. Calvin slowly stumbles to his feet. When he does get all of the way up, Sly springboards to the top rope and nails one hell of a flying clothesline! Crystal goes to the second rope as Hoff stands on his feet in a daze. She then dives off, and sends him wandering backwards into the cage. In Ring Two, Sly has ahold of Calvin by the hair and tosses him into the cage face-first! COLE Damn! The buzzer then goes off again, and Gibraltar enters the cage!

Standing alongside thier long stretch limo outside the arena are the OAOAST tag champs, dressed fabulously. T-BOD You know Mr. Black, I couldn't help but notice Jim Cornette's absurd comments regarding us and our treatment of Mr. Jive. He made it sound like we were pissing on Jesus, or something. DAN Quite frankely Mr. T, it seems James E. is out-of-touch with the 2004 version of "his friend" J.R. (tapping the limo window) Mr. Jive, a word with you. Jivin' J.R. pops out of the sun roof. J.R. Mr. Black, Mr. T -- Black T. DAN Mr. Jive, for the world to know... how do you feel about being aligned with the tag team champions of the world? J.R. It's BAH GAWD grrrreat! I hang out with the champs, and I get laid once a month! T-BOD For the record, Mr. Jive... how many times did you get laid before? J.R. Countin' animals? I tell ya -- hit their g-spot and they squeal like a pig. Oink! Oink! T-BOD Just--Just human beings. J.R. I've been married nearly as many times as Larry King, but the kiddies are test--BAH GAWD--tube babies. So the answer's zero. Nada. But now...I'm livin' like vida loca! I haven't been this happy since Danny Hodge won the NWA Junior's heavyweight title back in the day. T-BOD Thank you. See. The little slobberknocker's happy as happy can be. Mr. Cornette, I suggest you should concern yourself with what's going to hit you and the Midnight Express come Thursday on HeldDown -- T-BOD & DAN (flashing the 3-B hand gesture) 3-B! The Champs open the door, we see J.R. surrounded by lovely ladies. Once Dan & T-Bod are in the limo the ladies jump on them. The window rolls down. Dan, getting his neck kissed by a redhead, turns to the camera. DAN Remember, there's two guarantees in life: there are winners and losers. And we're... Dan kicks back and we see a woman's hand rubbing T-Bod's chest. T-BOD Winners. The window rolls back up. The limo accelerates -- VROOM!... ...and we cut to a shot of the backstage area, where your favorite interviewer and mine, Josh Matthews, is standing with the incomparable Calvin Szechstein! The former champ has his wrestling tights on under a black "THRILLOGY" t-shirt, and his eyes show a clear focus. JOSH Calvin, we're literally moments away from possibly the biggest match-up in OAOAST history, as the Thrillogy, as well as Gibraltar, take on Sly Sommers, AJ Flaire, Northstar and Crystal. Calvin, you've been victim of some nasty words over the last couple of weeks... CALVIN You're damn right I've been the victim of some nasty words over the last couple of weeks, Josh. I'm catching insults from Stephen Joseph of all people, telling me to fuck myself. I'll tell you what, Stephen, my deal with Sony Records has me in close contact with Janet Jackson, and if the FCC can come down hard on her and my man JT then they can DAMN sure come down hard on you. But the FCC's punishment isn't going to be NEAR as harsh as mine. I don't care who you are, Stephen Joseph -- to the Thrillogy, you're a nobody, and I will kick your face in, cut your throat out and sell it back to you at a HEFTY profit if you don't shut your god damned mouth. Understood? JOSH Calvin, tensions seem to be high over WarGames... CALVIN You're damn right tensions are high over WarGames! All I hear walking down the street is how the Thrillogy is going down, how Zack Malibu is going down. It's all of the people being goddamned ignorant. We're bigger than them, we're faster than them, and we're smarter than them. We are going to win this match, Josh Matthews, and if you don't believe THAT then you need to wake up. Calvin walks off, and Josh looks on. JOSH We're just moments away from WarGames! Take it away, Triple C!

MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen this match is scheduled for one fall and it is for the X Division Championship! The fans cheer. Tear Away by Drowning Pool begins and the fans stand in anticipation and boo. I’m tearing away Pieces are falling I can’t seem to make them stay You run away Faster and faster you can’t seem to get away BREAK!!!!!! COLE Here we go. It’s time to find out who the mystery opponent is. COACH I’ve got goosebumps Cole! CABOOSE I think this whole thing is ridiculous. Once Abe Vigoda left the Board should have told Rick who he was facing! Rick Edwards makes his way out and the crowd boos loudly. J. Arthur Edwards follows closely behind and yells at some fans who are heckling Rick. Rick doesn’t even pay attention to the fans as he slides into the ring and waits in the corner. Buffer is standing in the ring with a mic, but he seems to be waiting for Rick to do something. Rick actually waves him on to go ahead as the music fades out. MICHAEL BUFFER Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by J. Arthur Edwards, weighing in at 210 pounds, from Houston, Texas, the reigning X Division Champion…RICK EDWARDS!!!! Rick gives Buffer mock applause and Buffer just shakes his head. MICHAEL BUFFER And his opponent… COLE Who is it!? The fans buzz with anticipation... THE ARENA GOES DARK CALIFORNIA LOOOOOOVE!!!!! COLE What!?!? COACH OH MY GOD!!!!! CABOOSE This is a Traveshamockery!!! The fans go absolutely nuts as California Love by Tupac and Dr. Dre plays over the loud speakers and the familiar El Camino once again pulls out onto the stage! COACH Is it really him? CABOOSE No it’s not… COACH Oh…oh wait you’re ribbing me aren’t you? It is in fact him as The Parka pokes his head out of the window of the El Camino and raises his arm in the air. In the ring Rick and J. Arthur are livid and Rick complains to anyone who is nearby. Buffer actually laughs as he begins his announcement. MICHAEL BUFFER Making his return to the OAOAST, weighing in at 225 pounds, from San Diego, California, he is a two time OAOAST Tag Team Champion with the Dream Machines, this is…THE PARKA!!!!! The fans cheer as Parka steps into the ring and stares down Rick. Parka removes his mask and hands it to the ring attendant before turning to face Rick again. COLE These two have never faced each other before. CABOOSE Which makes it even worse seeing as Rick couldn’t even prepare for him! * DING DING DING * The two men stand face to face and scowl at each other as the fans chant “Parka, Parka!” Rick mouths the words, “I’m not afraid of you,” and Parka just smirks. Rick reaches his hand back like he’s going for a punch and…thrusts his hand forward for a handshake. Parka looks at him strangely before looking to the crowd who obviously say no. Rick offers the hand again and Parka slowly goes for it, but Rick pulls back and goes for a punch. Parka manages to block the punch and lays into Rick with five punches of his own that drive Rick back into the corner. COLE That backfired! Parka begins nailing him with back elbows, but Rick works his way in between the ropes and calls for a break. The ref has to pull Parka away from the corner as Rick makes his way back in and locks up with Parka. Rick gains the advantage with a Side Headlock, but Parka shoves him forward to the ropes and hits a Drop Toe Hold. Parka quickly pounces and grabs a Side Headlock of his own on the mat. He then pulls Rick up and hits a Bulldog before making the first cover of the match. 1 No!!! Both men stand and Rick throws a knee into the gut of Parka before hitting a Snap Mare that brings Parka over to the mat. Rick then backs up and nails Parka in the back with a Soccer Kick. Parka cringes in pain as Rick yells at him to get up. Parka gets up and Rick runs forward, but Parka ducks down and hits a Back Body Drop on Rick! COLE Rick can’t seem to keep the advantage on Parka at all. CABOOSE Because he couldn’t scout him! COACH I should have brought the tissues for you…please don’t him me! *Scoots away from Caboose* Rick is up again, but Parka kicks him in the gut and hits a Snap Suplex that sends a loud thud throughout the arena. Parka floats over into a pin. 1 2 No!! Parka stands and pulls Rick to his feet by the head and goes for a Tiger Driver, but Rick fights it and goes for a Back Body Drop. As Parka goes over he hooks Rick’s legs and takes him over with a Sunset Flip! 1 2 No!!! COACH Damn! Parka seems to have a few counters up his sleeve. CABOOSE Yeah because he got to scout out Rick before the match! Rick gets up and then stumbles right back into the hands of Parka who Clotheslines him almost out of his boots! Parka then hits the ropes and comes off with a Jumping Fist Drop to Rick’s head. Parka stands and poses for the crowd which absolutely loves every minute of it. Parka waits in the corner for Rick to stand and when he does Parka runs forward, but Rick bails to the outside for a breather. CABOOSE Good move! Parka looks pissed and exits the ring to follow him, but JAE is there to block his way. Parka tells him to move, but JAE just folds his arms and stands there. Parka just shrugs his shoulders and blasts JAE with a forearm shot before grabbing him by the head and slamming him face first into the guardrail! COLE That’s it! It’s about time someone put him in his place! CABOOSE You’re terrible. Parka then tosses JAE over the guardrail and hard onto the concrete, but Rick takes advantage of the distraction and hits a Bulldog to Parka. COLE Bulldog to the hard floor!! COACH That has to hurt! CABOOSE Hmm…maybe we should test your theory Coach. Parka’s face hits the mat hard and comes up bloody. Blood trickles from the nose of Parka and Rick sees it as he gets down and starts pounding on the nose of Parka with right hands. The fans boo as Rick flips them off and mocks Parka by holding his own nose in pain. COLE My God I think Parka’s nose exploded! Rick tosses Parka back into the ring and slides in where he pulls Parka to his feet and hits a Short Arm Clothesline. He then makes a cover. 1 2 3 No!!! Parka kicks out! Rick pulls Parka to his feet and shoves him back into a corner before backing up and hitting a Running High Knee right to the face of Parka! Parka starts to fall forward, but Rick catches him and shoves him back into the corner before hitting a Dropsault right to the face! COLE Dammit Rick is gonna destroy Parka’s nose! He won’t be able to breathe right! CABOOSE Which will cause him to become winded…brilliant! The impact of the dropkick knocks Parka back and then he falls face first to the mat where Rick rolls him over and goes for a pin. 1 2 3 No!!! Rick can’t believe that Parka kicked out and tells the ref so. Rick then pulls Parka to his feet and lifts him up and hits a Brainbuster. Rick then bounces off the ropes and does a Flipping Leg Drop to Parka’s face, which causes Parka to hold his nose in pain and writhe around on the mat. COLE Enough is enough! Rick laughs as he turns Parka over for a cover. 1 2 3 No!!! Parka kicks out again! Rick really can’t believe it this time and even shoves the ref. The ref threatens to DQ Rick while assuring him it was a two count! Rick goes to pick up Parka, but he is distracted by a pop from the crowd, which quickly turns to boos. COLE What’s happening? COACH Look who’s here! Eddy Kalm comes out onto the stage as if he was shoved and Christopher Cain follows him out. The crowd boos at Cain who drags Eddy to the ring. RICK What the hell are you doing? Parka comes to in the ring and slides out when he sees his former manager. Rick exits the ring as well so not to be outdone by Parka. CAIN He was lurking backstage, probably to jump you on your way back! RICK Why would he do that!? He has nothing to do with this match…wait a minute…*Rick turns and looks at Parka* CABOOSE Son of a Bitch! Eddy set this up didn’t he!? Rick looks pissed at Eddy and then at Parka before spearing Parka into the edge of the ring! Rick spits at Eddy and then launches Parka head first into the ring post. The ref comes out and tells Cain and Eddy to leave ringside. Eddy goes to leave, but Cain grabs him and pulls him back. Rick comes over and tells Cain to take Eddy and leave, but Cain just stares at him. COLE I don’t think Eddy had anything to do with this! Why would he do that? COACH I don’t know. I might agree with Caboose for once. Rick slides Parka into the ring and goes back in. He then pulls Parka to his feet and decides to sit him on the top turnbuckle. COLE Oh man he could finish this right now if he hits the Brain Damage! Rick takes a few steps back and runs up the ropes for the Brain Damage, but Parka gets a burst of energy and shoves Rick back down to the mat! Cain is up on the apron quickly and goes for Parka, but Parka elbows Cain to the face and the shoves him so that he falls back to the mat on the outside. Cain lands hard on his back as Parka gains his balance on the top rope and hits and Elbow Drop off the top rope! Parka then makes a cover after a few seconds of recovery. 1 2 3 No!!! Rick kicks out!! Parka then notices Cain start to move on the outside and yells at Eddy to go to the back. Eddy wastes no time running to the back as Parka slides outside and gets a chair. Parka then runs around and leaps off the ring steps to bring the chair crashing down on Cain’s head! COLE OH MY GOD WHAT A CHAIR SHOT!!! Cain falls to the mat as Parka discards the chair and slides back into the ring, but Rick is waiting and kicks him in the gut! Rick then goes for the Superman’s Dead, but Parka manages to fight out and goes for the Day of the Dead! Parka gets Rick up on his shoulders in the Razor’s Edge position and brings him down on the back of his head and neck!!! COLE OH MY GOD WE MIGHT HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!! CABOOSE No!!! 1 2 3!! No!!! Rick actually kicks out!!!! The fans halfway pop, but they stop when the ref puts two fingers up. COLE I can’t believe it!! Rick kicked out!! CABOOSE Yes!! Parka is shocked, but he pulls Rick to his feet and goes for it again, but Rick manages to fight his way off of Parka’s shoulders and turns around. Rick then jumps into the air and hits a Doomsday Kick to the front of Parka’s head! The kick hits hard on Parka’s nose! COLE A reverse Enziguri!!! He just blasted Parka’s face! COACH Daaaaaamn!!! Parka goes down hard and holds his nose in pain as blood begins flowing from it again. Rick pulls him to his feet and goes for the Superman’s Dead again, but Parka fights it before he can get him up. Rick then blasts Parka to the face with a forearm and tries again. This time Parka falls behind Rick and goes for a Half Nelson Suplex, but Rick fights out, grabs Parka by the arm, swings the arm around Parka’s throat, and yanks him down with a Rough Break Neckbreaker! CABOOSE Now that’s gotta be it!!! COLE It’s hard to tell in this match! 1 2 3!! No!!! Parka kicks out!!! COLE Now Parka kicks out of one of Rick’s finishers!! COACH What a match! JAE comes back to ringside and gets Cain up before both men stand on the apron and offer their help. Rick waves both men off and tells them to stay out of it. CABOOSE You have to give Rick one thing! He doesn’t like people fighting his battles for him! COLE You’re right. CABOOSE Wow…say that again. I like the sound of it. COLE No. Rick then goes again for the Superman’s Dead, but Parka yet again fights out and lands behind him. This time Parka grabs a Dragon Sleeper on Rick! CABOOSE Dammit Parka just won’t quit! The fans are on their feet as Parka locks the move in tight as he can, but the loss of blood and fatigue has taken its toll on him. Rick fights his way to the ropes and shoves off so that his momentum knocks Parka back. Rick rolls through, grabs Parka by the head and pulls him up for an Inverted Vertical Suplex ended with a Diamond Cutter to finish the Superman’s Dead! COLE This could be it!!! CABOOSE Damn right! That move drops you right on your face and Parka can’t take any more punishment there! Rick slowly crawls over and makes the cover. 1 2 COLE Kick out! 3!!! * DING DING DING DING * COLE Rick did it! He beat an opponent he wasn’t even prepared for! COACH Damn! CABOOSE I knew he could do it!! Rick slowly gets up as JAE and Cain enter the ring and Cain goes to pick up Parka, but Rick waves him off. Rick then thinks about it a second before shrugging his shoulders and waving him on and leaving the ring with JAE. Cain then picks Parka up and hits a Chokeslam as the fans boo. COLE Oh come on!! Rick grabs his X Title and holds it high as Tear Away plays over the loud speakers. MICHAEL BUFFER Here’s your winner and still X-Division Champion…RICK EDWARDS!!!! Rick slowly walks back to the back, looking quite tired. COLE What a war these to had tonight. I’m glad to see Parka back, but I’m not so sure Parka is glad to be back right now. Well, it's certainly been a wild night thus far, and we still have our main event yet to come -- the match the E-Fed Entertainment world has been waiting for is next... WarGames. Before we go back to the ring, the OAOAST world tag team champions -- who successfully defend their titles earlier tonight -- Black T will be standing by with some comments. But first, once again, a quick work about our next pay-per-view event. THIS AIN'T OZ Sunday, July 25, 2004 Call your local cable or satellite provider to order NOW!

CABOOSE I just remembered -- Jackie has big tits and a nice plum ass. You think she's slept with The Saints yet? COLE The Saints aren't even involved in this match! COACH I don't think anybody'll be sleeping with The Saints anytime soon. CABOOSE You think she's slept with Black T? Man, do those guys know how to party. T-Bod threw an 'invitation only' party at his Hollywood estate. Dan was there. As was Jesse, Jivin J.R., who spent more time bobbing for apples than scoring with the chicks; Hugh Hefner and many of his playmates. There were even pornstars there -- hardcore, softcore; A-list, B-list... and yes, Ron Jeremy, too. I swear, I thought I was going to come home in a black body bag -- not Black T's Black Body Bag, because nobody gets up from that. COLE If you're dead, you aren't getting up from that, either. CABOOSE Not if you know Papa Shango. COLE Tag Team Title Time! CABOOSE And another easy defence for Black T. And don't you ever try to change the subject when I'm talking again, Cole. You wouldn't want me to knock the frosting off your hair. COACH Are you crazy, foo’? JINGUS and Sadist be bad mo’fo’s! CABOOSE Oh boy, its gonna be a long night… BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is for the OAOAST Tag Team Championship of the WORLD~! CUE: Some bizarre mix of “Hit Me Baby One More Time” and Verdi’s “Requiem” BUFFER Introducing first the challengers, weighing in at a total combined weight of SEVEN HUNDRED AND TWENTY EIGHT POUNDS, they are the man who loves pain and cannot be harmed, the SAAADIST! And his partner, the one, the only Devilman, the monster JIIIIIIIIINGUUUUUUUUUUUUUS! The two huge figures walk down to the ring, the fans giving them a good reception. JINGUS roars and cuffs the Sadist about the head, firing him up. Sadist leaps into the ring and seems to be encouraging the referee to hit him. JINGUS saves the frightened ref and the challengers stand tall in the ring, looking at the entranceway. CUE: “Quiet” BUFFER And now, the Champions! From London, England, weighing 243lbs- JIVIN’ JIM ROSS Wait a minute here, take it easy Buffer! Jivin’ JR has walked out onto the stage and motions for the music to cut. JR Now, I’m sure you’re a good announcer, and I’m sure OAOAST pays you very well to be here. BUFFER Well actually, no, they- JR Cry me a river son, cry me a river. The point is, when it comes to introducing the CHAMPS, there’s only one man fit to do it, and that’s me, Jivin’ JR, the farmer of champions, BAH GAWD! JR moonwalks across the stage, then gets down and attempts a Ross-aroonie. JR nearly falls off the stage in the process and a couple of roadies have to come in to pick him up. JR *panting* Ok…here they are….Black T! * CRACK! * * CRACK! * And Black T nails JINGUS and Sadist from behind with chair shots! COLE What?! Where did they come from? COACH They just ran out the crowd and attacked! Disqualification! CABOOSE The match hasn’t started yet, you damn fool. The referee angrily calls for the bell to start and takes the chairs from a smirking Black T. * DING DING DING * With both opponents down, Dan and T.Bod consult each other, sharing a joke and a laugh before Dan, nodding, steps out of the ring to allow T.Bod the floor. Tony shoves Sadist out of the ring and covers JINGUS. CABOOSE Quickest victory ever! ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! Kickout! The crowd POPS! T.Bod looks disgusted, while Dan slams the top turnbuckle and shakes his head. Tony covers again, but JINGUS throws him off before one! COLE Uh oh, I think they made him mad. T.Bod backs off as the monster approaches. The Body holds up his hands and smiles apologetically at JINGUS- and then pokes him in the eye through his mask! Tony goes to work, clubbing JINGUS with hard forearm shots, and beating him down to one knee. Meanwhile Sadist is back on the apron in the challengers corner. The Body grabs JINGUS and whips him into the Black T corner, where Dan and Tony both fire away on JINGUS. Sadist jumps into the ring, but the referee gets in his way, allowing Black T to perform a double choke on the Devilman. CABOOSE Heh, Sadist isn’t too bright, is he. At last the referee turns, and Dan removes his hands with an innocent look on his face. As the ref comes over to remonstrate with Black T, we hear Dan telling him that he was “just checking his air way”. T.Bod brings JINGUS out of the corner and whips him off the ropes, dropping down and propelling JINGUS with a huge back body drop! Tony poses over the body of JINGUS, who rolls him up from behind! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COACH T.Bod’s got to learn not to turn his back on JINGUS. CABOOSE Like everyone has to learn not to turn their backs on Mikey. You never know what he might try and slip in. COLE Are you saying I’m some kind of gay rapist? CABOOSE Er…can I say that? *Pause* Yes, the director says I can. Sweet. In the ring, Tony tries to stomps JINGUS down, but the Devilman rises up and decimates his opponent with a lariat. JINGUS grabs T.Bod by the neck and tags in Sadist, who head butts The Body down. Sadist scoops T.Bod up and whips him into the corner, before crushing him with an Avalanche. Sadist allows Tony to drop forward out of the corner and then power slams him down hard! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Sadist brings T.Bod back up, who starts to fire back with punches and chops, but Sadist, after enjoying the blows for a few seconds, head butts Tony down once more. Sadist brings Tony up and whips him to the ropes, but T.Bod ducks the lariat and nails Sadist with a dropkick to the back. T.Bod follows with a shoulder block to the same area, and then begins to kick Sadist down to the mat. COLE T.Bod going after the back of the Sadist. He may like the pain but it doesn’t mean he can’t be weakened. CABOOSE Tony’s showing all his class here. He’s a veteran, he knows every trick, every tactic. Sadist? Who knows how many years he’s been wrestling. Doesn’t look like many to me. Tony brings Sadist to his feet, and with a show of strength lifts the big man up and hits him with a backbreaker, into a cover: ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! T.Bod brings Sadist to his feet and tags in Black. Dan and Tony both CHOP Sadist and then whip him to the ropes for a double shoulder block that floors Sadist. Black T run to opposite ropes, and both execute Muta style elbows in turn. As the referee ejects T.Bod, Dan brings Sadist up and applies a front facelock. Black tries to suplex his opponent, but Sadist blocks it and reverses to his own! Dan grimaces in pain, as Sadist brings him up and slaps on a choke! Black kicks out of the choke bomb attempt, and tries to whips Sadist to the ropes. The big man reverses it however, but Dan ducks his lariat, comes up behind Sadist, and wrenches him over with a German suplex! Black is slow to get to his feet, the effort of the suplex taking a lot of out of him, but manages to meet Sadist rising. Dan lashes him with a trio of European uppercuts and whips him into the Black T corner. Dan runs in with a high jumping knee to the jaw of Sadist! Dan takes a run up again and delivers another high knee. Sadist is groggy, and Dan tags Tony in. Black T both grab Sadist in front face locks, raise him up and deliver a double team brain buster! Tony covers: ONE! TWO! THR-Kick out! T.Bod drops a knee to Sadist, and then brings him to his feet. A whip to the ropes, and Tony gets a drop toe hold and locks on an arm bar. Sadist starts to power up, so T.Bod brings him to his feet and wrenches the arm over. Sadist enjoys the hold, grinning maniacally at The Body, who, taking it as a challenge, wrenches the arm over again. COLE T.Bod really testing out Sadist, trying to see if there’s any pain that he won’t actually like! COACH It doesn’t seem like there is. He’d probably even enjoy spending time with ‘boose! *Smack!* COACH *sniff*…I retract my previous statement. Sadist is still enjoying the hold, so T.Bod whips him to the ropes., but Sadist comes roaring back with a big boot that nearly decapitates The Body. Sadist lifts T.Bod up and drops him hard onto the top rope, before tagging in the Devilman. Tony is hanging on the rope, and JINGUS grabs him around the waist, bringing him over in a high arc with a wheelbarrow suplex that slams Tony’s back into the mat hard! JINGUS decides against a cover, and instead brings T.Bod up and grabs his face, setting for a CLAWSLAM! But Dan Black dashes in, and dropkicks JINGUS in the back. JINGUS releases T.Bod and turns to Dan, who smirks at him- and T.Bod rolls him up, grapevineing the legs! ONE! TWO! THREEEEE-Kickout! COLE Great team work from Black T, and it almost stole the win. CABOOSE That’s why these guys are the best in the division. Two OAOAST legends, the two greatest singles wrestlers never to have held the World Title, and together they’re unstoppable. Tony and JINGUS are both up, and Tony chops the massive chest of JINGUS. The Devilman fires back, his more powerful chops rocking T.Bod back. JINGUS whips T.Bod to the corner and charges in, but Tony ducks aside and the Devilman’s splash hits only turnbuckle. The Body tries his own version, whipping Big J to the opposite corner and running in, but JINGUS gets his arm and leg around T.Bod and drives him HARD into the mat with a stiff STO! Cover- ONE! TWO! Dan Black breaks it up! Dan shrugs at the ref as he exits, and JINGUS brings T.Bod back up. Whip to the ropes is reversed by Tony, but as JINGUS comes back he jumps up onto T.Bod, wraps his legs around his head and snaps Tony around and over with a hurricanrana! COLE Ohmygod! JINGUS with a ‘rana! What agility from the monster! CABOOSE He just slipped and got his legs tangled round Tony’s head! Lucky bastard! T.Bod staggers up, dizzy and stunned by the move, and JINGUS charges at him with a GORE! The Body is powered into the mat, and JINGUS covers, the crowd counting along! ONE! TWO! THREE! No! Kick out! COACH How did Tony kick out?! JINGUS just near broke him in half! CABOOSE Because he’s T.Bod! He’s The Body! JINGUS roars and picks Tony up, dragging him into the challenger’s corner and tagging Sadist in. The two monsters beat T.Bod into the mat, until the ref ejects JINGUS, at which point T.Bod summons enough energy for a LOW BLOW on Sadist! Sadist collapses to the mat! COLE Do you think he enjoyed that? CABOOSE I don’t know…let’s try it out on Coach. With Sadist down, Tony is able to roll across and tag Black in. Dan covers Sadist. ONE! TWO! THR-Kick out! Black locks on the Heart of Ice V2! (Alex Shelly’s Border City Stretch) but immediately releases it! COACH Dan remembering what happened in his singles match against Sadist on HeldDown- the freak LOVED that hold! Black instead gestures for Sadist to get up. As he does, Black kicks him in the gut and plants him face first to the mat with a double arm DDT. Dan SPITS on Sadist, and climbs to the top rope! Dan flips off the fans and dives off- with a Swanton Bomb! Black’s back smashes into Sadist! COLE An unusual move from Dan Black, he doesn’t usually fly. CABOOSE I think Dan feels like with his submission holds being ineffective against Sadist, he needs to up his game to beat him. Dan, holding his back, rolls over to cover. ONE! TWO! THREEEE-KICK OUT! Dan rolls off the body of Sadist, frowning. And Sadist does the zombie sit up! Dan backs off as Sadist gets to his feet, but finds himself in the challenger’s corner! Sadist charges at Dan, who ducks, and Sadist just stops himself from slamming into JINGUS. Sadist apologises to JINGUS, allowing Black grab Sadist from behind, going for another German suplex- but Sadist counters the waistlock to his own, and hits Dan with the suplex- but Dan flips out and lands on his feet! Sadist turns and Black dropkicks his leg, dropping him to one knee. Black runs off the ropes and nails Sadist with a SHINING WIZARD~! ONE! TWO! THREEE! KICK OUT! Dan holds his head in his hands as the crowd stomps and cheers for Sadist to make the comeback once more. Black brings Sadist up, but the monster stops him with a couple of hard forearm shots and a whip to the ropes. Sadist tries to hip toss Dan, but Black again lands on his feet. Another dropkick to the leg from Dan, and he goes for another Shining Wizard, but Sadist blocks it, spins Dan around and up and hits him with a Blue Thunder Driver! The ref counts! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEE-KICK OUT! Sadist picks Dan up in the middle of the ring and double underhooks his arms. Sadist lifts Dan up and plants him with a Tiger Bomb! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEE! NO! Kick out! COLE These guys are just knocking hell out of each other! They can’t keep this up! Sadist shakes his head slightly, and scrapes Dan off the mat. Black is now limp and helpless in Sadist’s clutches, and the monster picks him up for what looks like… COACH Tombstone! Sadist is going to give Black a Tombstone piledriver! Before he can however, T.Bod darts into the ring and clips Sadist’s left leg. Dan falls to the mat as Sadist also goes down. T.Bod grabs Sadist by the neck, turns him around- RUDE AWAKENING! T.Bod puts Dan on top and then runs at JINGUS, tackling him off the apron! T.Bod tumbles out after JINGUS as the ref counts! ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! Sadist KICKS OUT! CABOOSE That was three! Black T are cheated again! COLE It was two, two, two! Sadist just isn’t going to be beaten! Dan and Sadist are both down in the ring as T.Bod and JINGUS slug it out on the floor. Tony tries to whip JINGUS into the ring steps, but the Devilman reverses it. T.Bod show his athleticism however, as he jumps up and lands on the steps! T.Bod turns back to JINGUS, who catches him with a shot to the gut, and climbs onto the ring steps too! DDT to T.Bod onto the steps! Crowd: OOOOOOOOOH! T.Bod’s face connects with a CLANG, and he slides off the steps, hardly moving. JINGUS climbs back into the ring, picks Dan up and delivers a quick SPINEBUSTAH! JINGUS puts Sadist on top! CABOOSE What the-! COLE Turn about is fair play, my friend! ONE! TWO! THREE! NO! Shoulder up from Black! COACH Things are really hotting up in the ring! Each of these four men throwing every thing they have at each other, they’re all desperate to be Tag Team Champions. Sadist and Black both use the ropes to pick themselves up. JINGUS stomps the turnbuckle for a tag from Sadist. COLE If JINGUS gets in there now, its all over, Black’s in no condition to fight him off. Sadist starts to crawl over, as we see T.Bod trying to climb up using the announce table! CABOOSE Come on Body! You can do it! In fact- Caboose gets up and helps Tony to his feet! COLE What the hell? Coachie, stop him! COACH You stop him! Sadist is just inches from the tag- and Tony pulls JINGUS off the apron! The Devilman hits his head on the edge of the ring, and Tony slides into the ring, grabbing Sadist for another Rude Awakening- but Sadist turns and reverses it to a belly to belly suplex! Sadist goes for the cover- but the referee tells him that T.Bod isn’t the legal man! CABOOSE See, I told you he was stupid! COLE You just interfered in the match! How could you? Caboose says nothing. A quick camera shot shows a satisfied smirk. Sadist gets to his feet, and Dan Black attacks from behind, hitting a Russian leg sweep to take Sadist down. The referee gets Tony back to the Black T corner, but Dan just brings Sadist across and tags him anyway. JINGUS is back on the apron to watch Black T work over the Sadist in the corner. Dan and Tony whip Sadist to the ropes and give him a double hip toss as he comes back. Dan drops a knee to the throat as he departs to the apron, and Tony brings Sadist up. T.Bod displays his power, lifting Sadist up and planting him with a belly to back suplex, and then locks on a sleeper on the mat. Sadist immediately begins to power out however, getting to his feet and running T.Bod into the challengers corner, where JINGUS tags himself in. JINGUS with a flurry of blows that stun Tony, and the Devilman puts him on his shoulders! Sadist climbs to the top rope! The crowd POPS in anticipation, and Sadist jumps off, mashing T.Bod with the lariat as Tony takes the Doomsday Device! JINGUS covers! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! No! Dan saves at the last possible second! Now its Black and JINGUS exchanging blows, JINGUS with the Irish whip, but Black reverses it, and JINGUS knocks Sadist to the floor! The Devilman turns round- KICK, WHAM, PITCHBLACK! Dan isn’t legal, so he helps a groggy T.Bod up. Tony is about to go for the cover when Dan shakes his head and holds up three fingers to Tony. The Body nods, and together they pick JINGUS off the mat. Tony grabs him for THE OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE, and Black assists it with a Rock Bottom! CABOOSE The Black Body Bag! 3B, and this one is over! Tony covers! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEE! NO! Sadist dives in at the last minute, making the save with a blow to T.Bod! Dan attacks, but Sadist throws him out over the top rope! Sadist picks Tony up, and puts him onto the back in the torture rack! Sadist drops down to his knees, delivering a vicious sit down backbreaker to T.Bod! But the monster isn’t finished, and gets to his feet again to deliver another! But as he does so its KICK WHAM BLACKOUT from the returned Black! As Dan does the KICK, T.Bod is dropped backwards and lands on JINGUS! Dan YELLS at the referee to count it! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! * DING DING DING * BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners of the match and STILL OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS- Dan Black, T.Bod- BLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLACK TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! CABOOSE They did it! They did it! COLE I’m not sure how, but Black T scraped through! COACH JINGUS took the Pitch Black and the 3B, and it was enough to keep him down. Black T roll on with another impressive win, but JINGUS and Sadist have got to be inline for a re-match after that performance! Jivin’ JR runs down to ringside, hugging Dan and T.Bod and handing them their title belts. Black T makes its way up the ramp slowly, wincing from the impact they’ve taken. On the stage, JR beckons to someone behind the curtain. A waiter rushes through with a tray of champagne glasses, closely followed by a cluster of attractive young women who coo and make a fuss over the champs. Dan and Tony drink deeply, as JR starts to boogie with the women. CABOOSE Damn, I’m going to that party! COLE No, there’s still plenty more action to come! You’ll have just as much fun here with me and Da Coach! CABOOSE Bloody contract… COACH Next up, more gold on the line, its the X Title Match! But let's go backstage, where Jesse "The Body" Ventura is standing by with the Global Party XChange. CABOOSE Jesse's working hard for his money tonight. CUT TO: LOCKER ROOM JESSE Jesse The Body in the locker room area, with an exclusive interview with a tag team we saw earlier tonight cheat their way to victory -- Scotty Static & Johnny "Jam" Jackson, the Global Party XChange. Scotty & Johnny jump into the camera's view. SCOTTY Jess-say! Wassup to you and all our peoples 'cross the globe? GPX wid ya after a sensational win. JOHNNY Body, you gots me & Scotty S.'s vote for P-R-E-Z in '08, ya hear? SCOTTY Yo, Jenna & Barb -- give us a call. JESSE I don't even know if you two should be allowed to vote. But I gotta tell you -- I, like everybody watchin' on pay-per-view, saw you two take advantage of a serious situation. As somebody who occassionally broke the rules every now and then during my wrestling career... you did somethin' to The Saints! It ain't no coincidence those floozy's wanted to "celebrate" with 'em after their huge win last week on Starmaker. Even I wouldn't have stooped that low. JOHNNY We wuz boostin' the economy. JESSE I'm sure President Bush would be thrilled to here you're "boostin' the economy" by prostitution. SCOTTY You know the old saying, Jess: "Revenge is a dish best served cold." And what's more colder than a woman's scorn? I remember the time Johnny got an STD back in 4th grade. I mean, who would've thunk a 9-year-old girl would be sexually active? JOHNNY The Saints picked up a bag of Scuttles not Skittles. JESSE In the past few months, you guys have become the most wanted men in the OAOAST -- and you're not even the tag team champions. Surely the wear and tear is getting to you. Maybe to the point where you no longer what the tag titles. You saw what Black T did out there. SCOTTY Dude, we've been wanted since we were litttle kids stealing the jocks' girlfriends. The Saints said they aren't done with us. They aren't Charlie's Angels, but if Mann & Synth come knockin' on our door we'll greet 'em with a major serving of fist-in-your-face. Like we said last month, we're more focus than ever before. Body, you've experienced the crushing feeling after losing a championship match. Like pimpin', it ain't easy. Our match tonight showcased our new approach. Nobody lives -- or wins -- forever, cuz. If wrestling's taught us anything, it's that the babyface always goes over in the end. JOHNNY Bro, don't forget when the Road Warriors lost to Arn Anderson & Tully Blanchard at Starrcade '87. They lost in their own hometown. SCOTTY Dusty Rhodes isn't workin' here, baby. So me & Triple J are gonna go all-out until we win the gold... well, those tinted blue belts. JOHNNY Yo Scott, you think those belts turn your stomaches green like that epsiode of Saved by the Bell, where Zack -- not OAOAST asshole champ Zack, Zack Morris -- got the gang those rings? SCOTTY They do to Black T -- green with GPX envy. Black T...we's a comin' hard. JOHNNY Playa don't play. GPX over and out. JESSE There you have it. GPX admits groupie tamperin', and they want the tag team titles. Good luck to them. Especially if they end up facing Black T, a team they have yet to defeat. And Caboose, with the money I'm gettin' paid, the OAOAST better work me. Back to the ring. And Michael Buffer.