kkktookmybabyaway

6 a.m. • Pickkks. Go. Arizona @ Cincinnati (3.5) I don’t know. I saw Kurt Warner on Jim Rome’s ESPN show this week. Does he have “Jungle Karma” for his TV show? Carolina @ Green Bay (9.5) No clue as to who is injured on the Panthers. They’ve screwed me over during the last few years so fuck them. (3.5) Cleveland @ Baltimore The Browns are playing MUCH better, but I’m praying the Ravens can eek out a win or close loss at home in a divisional contest. Then again, that didn’t bode well for me last time they played. Kansas City @ Indianapolis (14.5) Indy’s lost two in a row. Dwight Freeney is out. I heard that KC is first in the NFC West. Here’s hoping this is a “bounce back” game. Miami @ Philadelphia (10.5) The Dolphins HAVE to win sometime – or at least not lose in double digits. Don’t they? (16.5) New England @ Buffalo OK, Buffalo, prove me right in picking you to lose to the Patriots by less than two touchdowns. New Orleans @ Houston (0.5) Here’s hoping the Saints bounce back from that loss last week to the formerly winless Rams. I’m sure somebody’s hurt on the Texans. Oakland @ Minnesota (5.5) Adrian Peterson is out. Come on, Raiders. You can do this. (10.5) Pittsburgh @ N.Y. Jets I heard the Jets running defense was last in the NFL. Look how good that was for me when the Steelers played Denver. Still think they’ll win. And score 27 points. San Diego @ Jacksonville (2.5) Isn’t someone from the Jags out due to roids? (3.5) Tampa Bay @ Atlanta I can’t remember much about the Buccaneers. Are they supposed to contend for their divison? Washington @ Dallas (10.5) The Cowboys have been mostly reliable for me this year. (2.5) N.Y. Giants @ Detroit I still can’t take Detroit seriously. Not like I do for the Giants, either. (3.5) St. Louis @ San Francisco A one-win team favored. On the road? And I’m taking it? Chicago @ Seattle (5.5) Something is telling me to go with the Bears here. Don’t know why. Tennessee @ Denver (2.5) Eh, I’ll still go with the Titans. I like Vince Young if only for his public statements and the fact he beat a bunch of USC queers a few years back. I still find it funny that one of them is now his running back and the former offensive coordinator of that university is one of his coaches. He still is, right?

Eat a bunch of terrible food hours earlier and then beg God to get you through the night and tomorrow's daylong workplace meetings.

Africia was my white whale. I'm surprised you scored that high because you're a social studies teacher. And what sport do you coach?

"To make ends meet?" He needs a new agent.

10 p.m. • Detroit? You don't say. • Don't you know that not allowing a cherry to pop on a person's wedding night is one of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male? From across the Pond. 8:30 p.m. • So I just got back from watching "Beowolf" movie. And just how many marriages does Angelina Jolie destroy? God almighty. And for the last week or so the better half has been going batshit over this thing. "OMG it's all in CGI. OMG OMG OMG." No big deal, I thought. Bunch of special effects. Then several minutes in I notice the whole thing looks like a Pixar movie. "What is this shit?" I say. "It's all CGI. I told you this." "The WHOLE thing?" "Yes. Don't you ever listen to anything I say?" It was there. Didn't read the book/poem/whatever. Don't care. 4:45 p.m. • So Swift Terror’s wife just popped out a kid. Here’s how the conversation between me and Mrs. kkk took place when I told her the news. “Mrs. Terror just squirted out a kid.” “What? They weren’t due for another few weeks. What happened?” “Dunno.” “What sex is it?” “Dunno. Looked like a boy.” “What is his name?” “Dunno. But there was a name on a card/poster in one of the pictures he sent me.” "What was it?" "Dunno." And here’s a conversation we had about the baby monitor we got the Terror household a little while back. “Did Swift Terror tell you that they got the baby monitor delivered?” “No.” “Then how do we know if somebody didn’t steal it from their front door?” “Because they live in an all-white neighborhood.” “But what if it got stolen?” “Well we have the receipt, so we’re covered if they bitch about us not sending them anything.” I swear to Christ she was so obsessed about the Terror household getting this hippie baby monitor that I’m sure it would have been less annoying if she were the one eight months knocked up. Besides, she’s didn’t want to spend that much on Swift Terror anyway because she hates him and his wife. Did I just type that? Oh well, what’s the chance of him actually reading this anyway? Oh, here’s another difference between men and women. These are actual quotes that were said upon learning of the Terror’s newest download. Her: “Well I’m glad we got them that monitor when we did because they can put it to good use.” Me: “I’m glad we got the monitor to them early so that $100 we spent won’t be as big a waste as I thought it would.” And as I told Terror via PM, the thought of being responsible for another human life in this world just scares the shit out of me. Hell, we lost Dessa when we first brought her home as a kitten 5 minutes into her stay with us (she was hiding behind some Genesis cartridge boxes).

I don't pull out. But Mrs. kkk is on the pill. She doesn't need a kid to trap me -- she's got a mortgage with my name on it. Twenty-seven more years, then I'm free.

That's what you get for not pulling out.

8 p.m. • So it was 5:30 p.m. and “Around the Horn” was finishing up. Then I see it on the bottom part of my television screen. OMG BARRY BONDS INDICTED STAY TUNED FOR THE LATEST That was my cue to change the channel. I went about my life for several house and without thinking about it I turn on ESPN for some reason or another at 7:30 p.m. They were still talking about Barry f’n Bonds. Come on people – he got INDICTED! I could indicted for ‘roids. You could get indicted for ‘roids. I find it funny it took this long and cost God knows how much money. And this is coming from Barry Hater #1. • You know, I always wondered what would happen in a situation like this. Now I do. Score one for California this time. Well, at least the part of the state that the blacks and Hispanics haven't invaded ... yet. Uh oh, here comes the R word... Here's some more good stuff. • I didn’t read any farther than the headline. I don’t want to. I’m sure whatever the plan will cost $1 million and end up with a $5 billion tab after six months.

Black man + drugs = It's the only natural thing for our legal system to do, Ripper.

Oh, I have some idea. Especially when you get it in-store and that shit drips off the side of those black pans.

Weren't you a truck driver?

kkk's Top 103 Posters Number 6: Black Lushus He’s black and he’s got mad hoes. Or at least that’s what his member title once said. Actually, Mr. Lushus is from Nebraska, has legitimate children and works a full-time job, so what little street cred he had is long gone. Hell, he’s completely sold out by becoming a message board administrator over at the other place; instead of being oppressed, he’s become The Man holding others down. Then again, I guess you could claim pimpage or something if you really wanted. With all that said, there are two things that would (and should) put Black in anyone’s Top XX list. 1) Three certain words. 2) He befriended a fellow poster in real life and has allowed his young daughter around said poster. Who is this person -- someone in his 30s with a steady job and family of his own? Not quite. 9 p.m. • I was Googling, came across this and laughed. 8 p.m. • So I heard this morning that the Steelers busted out their ALL-TIME TEAM or whatever it’s being called. It’s the franchise’s 75th anniversary, so naturally they’re doing gay stuff like this all season long. Time to guess who made it to this squad. Quarterback: Terry Bradshaw. Running Back: Jerome Bettis. Fullback: Franco Harris. Tight End: Trick question – the Steelers, until recently, never used them. I guess Bennie Cunningham since he never got to do anything but block while he played. Wide Receivers: Lynn Swann, John Stallworth, Hines Ward. Tackles: No clue. Guards: Alan Faneca. That’s all I got. Center: Mike Webster. Defensive Ends: No clue. Was L.C. Greenwood a tackle or end? Defensive Tackles: Joe Greene, Casey Hampton. Outside Linebackers: Jack Ham, Greg Lloyd. Middle Linebacker: Jack Lambert. Cornerbacks: Mel Blount, Rod Woodson. Free Safety: No clue. Strong Safety: No clue. My guess is Donnie Shell, although I have a feeling Troy Pala-whatever will be named. Kicker: Gary Anderson. Punter: No clue. I’ll say Josh Miller. Yeah, I know I named people from the 1970s, 90s and 00s – sue me. The Steelers were terrible until the ‘70s. Time to see the actual squad. OFFENSE Terry Bradshaw - Quarterback (1970-83). I still find it funny that even after winning two Super Bowls, he was benched in favor of a crackhead. Jerome Bettis - Running Back (1996-05). Rocky Bleier - Running Back (1968, 1970-80). OK, so they went with three “running backs.” They have to give Rocky a break since his ex-wife beat him down in the court hearings. Franco Harris - Running Back (1972-83). If memory serves, I thought Franco played in the fullback position. Eh, whatever. Bennie Cunningham - Tight End (1976-85). Elbie Nickel - Tight End (1947-57). No clue. John Stallworth - Wide Receiver (1974-87). Lynn Swann - Wide Receiver (1974-82). Hines Ward - Wide Receiver (1998-Present). Larry Brown – Offensive Tackle (1971-84). I forgot about this guy. Shit. Dermontti Dawson – Center (1988-00). I love Dawson, but I only did one player per position. The least the Steelers can do is put Mike Webster on the list since he took roids and shortened his life so black and gold fans could feel good and stuff. Wait, he took drugs as a choice. Oh well. Alan Faneca – Guard (1998-Present). Tunch Ilkin – Offensive Tackle (1980-92). Interesting. I liked Tunch’s local radio show when it was on. Didn’t realize he was that good. Jon Kolb – Offensive Tackle (1969-81). Heard the name. That’s all I got. Mike Webster – Center (1974-88). DEFENSE Joe Greene – Defensive Tackle (1969-81) L.C. Greenwood – Defensive End (1969-81) Ha. He was an end. Casey Hampton – Nose Tackle (2001-Present) Ernie Stautner – Defensive Tackle (1950-63) Dunno. Dwight White – Defensive End (1971-80) OK. If they say so. Jack Ham – Outside Linebacker (1971-82) Jack Lambert – Middle Linebacker (1974-84) Greg Lloyd – Outside Linebacker (1988-97) Joey Porter – Outside Linebacker (1999-2006) Cool. Joey got on the list. Andy Russell – Outside Linebacker (1963, 1966-76) I’d have him on the list if I was going with multiple players at a single position. Mel Blount – Cornerback (1970-83) Jack Butler – Defensive Back (1951-59) Que? Carnell Lake – Safety (1989-98) Didn’t realize he was an “all-timer.” Troy Polamalu – Safety (2003-Present) Come on, guys. He’s only played a few seasons. Donnie Shell – Safety (1974-87) Rod Woodson – Cornerback (1987-96) SPECIALISTS Gary Anderson – Kicker (1982-94) Bobby Walden – Punter (1968-77) Derp. Boo. The Steelers took the Jew route and put multiple people in certain positions. 4 p.m. • So yesterday I talked about Mrs. kkk’s workplace a bit. Basically, she works in a study about crazy people, and the topic is stupid as hell. It’s something like trying to see if women drug addicts have more risky sex than those that don’t. Whatever. The pay is hella good, and the study will last several more years. After that, the better half can ride her boss’s teet for the next study she starts up, then the study after that. Now her boss has a Ph.D. and is still on the young side of things (40s, I think), so this will be a nice gravy train for years to come. Then again, being a Ph.D. and employed through a university, this doesn’t mean Mrs. kkk’s boss is well adjusted. For instance, she’s arranging an open house in the near future that is nothing more than a suck-up-fest for her boss and other people making more than her six-figure salary. So what did Mrs. kkk and her fellow co-worker on this study have to do today? Have a pre-planning pizza party meeting. Jesus Christ. Oh, and on my side of things, my work monitor that’s more than 10 years old finally died. Time to go to the hippie Mac store and get a new one. Of course, the last time I was at this place I first had to get a price quote for all the shit I was to get (a new work computer and updated software), have someone from work write out a check and then go to the store and purchase the shit. Of course, the problem with this was that the dollar amount was too high and the check wasn’t accepted. I then just put everything on my credit card and got reimbursed for it, which is what I wanted to do all along because that would make the process easier. Thank God I was able to do that again this year. And thank God I was able to find a somewhat decent parking space. Christ is this part of Shittsburgh a left-wing hell hole; talk about being a pilgrim in an unholy land. Oh, yeah. I also suck at parallel parking. I think that’s a big reason many people live in the suburbs – to simply pull into a driveway/garage.

9 p.m. • So I haven't been much of a fan of the "It's Comcastic" ad campaign, but some of these ads featuring people trying to change history because they are on a NEW COMCAST PHONE LINE do get a chuckle out of me. "You tiger now." "Sorry, you're still going to lose your leg." Well, it's better than most of the shit on TV. But here's the reason I really like these ads. Well, not "really like." How about "think are OK." That's better. Oh, yeah. Shiny object. Back in Ohio I worked at a place that had projects. If you didn't make it to training for a project, you didn't get put on a project. You didn't get put on a project, you didn't work. Simple enough. Well, I remember this one guy (I forget his name) who was signed up for a project and didn't show up for the two-three days of training. He came in the next day expecting to get one-on-one training. Ha. What made this all the funnier was seeing my one boss explain to him that he wasn't going to be working for the next month or two because of this. Here's how the conversation went down. For the sake of the discussion, I'll call the guy Mike. Boss: "Mike, you didn't show up for training. You can't work on this project." Mike: "I know that, but can't you get someone to show me how to do this one?" Boss: "No. They are all working with the people who showed up for training. You didn't and if someone doesn't show up for training they don't work on a project." Mike: "I know that but I have come on other projects midway through." Boss: "That's because you were in a group that was going to assist with a project and your whole group got trained." Mike: "I know that but I've come in when you people asked me to." Boss: "But that doesn't matter. You aren't going to be working on this project because you didn't show up for the required training." Mike: "I know that but..." And on and on and on. God was it hilarious to hear him reply after every exchange, "I know that." I never heard from this guy again. Oh well.

8 p.m. • Hmmm, when the better half went to get tickets for Hannah Montana's Shittsburgh show, she wasn't able to order them on-line. Then again, she wasn't in the super-secret club that this article mentions. However, there was a bit of a local brouhaha because it seemed people dumb devoted enough to sign up for that super-secret club weren't able to get tickets either. I blame the Bush Administration. And for the record, Mrs. kkk was trying to get the tickets for her one niece. 7:15 p.m. • Well I hope he at least got one big time-out. Speaking of "kids," remember that invader who ran off to Mexico with his teacher? Peep this. So wait a second. I thought 13-year-old boys were just getting their mack on with female teachers that they boink. Now they're "victims" of "sex crimes"? Which is it?

Atlanta @ Carolina (4.5) (3.5) Buffalo @ Miami Cleveland @ Pittsburgh (9.5) Denver @ Kansas City (3.5) Jacksonville @ Tennessee (4.5) Minnesota @ Green Bay (6.5) Philadelphia @ Washington (3.5) St. Louis @ New Orleans (11.5) Cincinnati @ Baltimore (4.5) (3.5) Chicago @ Oakland (1.5) Dallas @ N.Y. Giants Detroit @ Arizona (1.5) (3.5) Indianapolis @ San Diego San Francisco @ Seattle (10.5) Open Date: New England, N.Y. Jets, Houston, Tampa Bay Atlanta (King 4-5) d by Carolina (Fazzle 7-2) 4-5 ATL: CAR/BUF/PIT/KC/TEN/GB/WAS/NO/BAL/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SEA/17 CAR: ATL/BUF/CLE/KC/TEN/MIN/WAS/NO/CIN/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SF/13 DIFF: CAR/ATL, PIT/CLE, GB/MIN, BAL/CIN, SEA/SF Buffalo (Bob Barron 7-2) d Miami (Spaceman Spiff 6-3) 6-6+TB BUF: CAR/BUF/CLE/DEN/TEN/GB/WAS/NO/BAL/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SEA/17 MIA: CAR/BUF/PIT/KC/JAX/GB/WAS/NO/CIN/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SEA/23 DIFF: CLE/PIT, DEN/KC, TEN/JAX, BAL/CIN, 17/23 Cleveland (sfaJack 5-4) d by Pittsburgh (Kahran Ramsus 6-3) 4-6 CLE: ATL/BUF/CLE/KC/TEN/MIN/WAS/NO/CINCHI/NYG/DET/IND/SF/20 PIT: CAR/BUF/CLE/KC/TEN/GB/WAS/NO/CIN/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SEA/28 DIFF: ATL/CAR, MIN/GB, NYG/DAL, SF/SEA, 20/28 Denver (Canadian Chris 2-7) d by Kansas City (Alfdogg 5-4) 5-6 DEN: CAR/BUF/CLE/DEN/TEN/MIN/WAS/NO/BAL/OAK/DAL/AZ/IND/SEA/20 KC: CAR/BUF/PIT/DEN/TEN/GB/WAS/STL/CIN/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SF/20 DIFF: CLE/PIT, MIN/GB, NO/STL, BAL/CIN, OAK/CHI, AZ/DET, SEA/SF Jacksonville (Always Pissed Off 2-7) d Tennessee (Cuban Linx 6-3) 5-4 JAX: ATL/BUF/PIT/KC/JAX/MIN/WAS/NO/BAL/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SEA/17 TEN: CAR/BUF/PIT/KC/TEN/GB/WAS/NO/BAL/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SEA/20 DIFF: ATL/CAR, JAX/TEN, MIN/GB Minnesota (Danville Wrestling 3-6) d Green Bay (Vitamin X 5-4) 7-6 MIN: CAR/BUF/CLE/DEN/JAX/MIN/WAS/STL/CIN/CHI/NYG/DET/SD/SF/23 GB: ATL/BUF/CLE/KC/TEN/MIN/PHI/STL/BAL/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SF/17 DIFF: CAR/ATL, DEN/KC, JAX/TEN, WAS/PHI, CIN/BAL, NYG/DAL, SD/IND Philadelphia (Harley Quinn 6-3) d Washington (Human Fly 4-5) 7-6 PHI: CAR/BUF/CLE/KC/TEN/GB/WAS/STL/CIN/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SEA/17 WAS: CAR/BUF/CLE/DEN/TEN/GB/WAS/STL/BAL/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SF/21 DIFF: KC/DEN, CIN/BAL, SEA/SF St. Louis (Canadian Guitarist 4-5) d by New Orleans (Cena's Writer 5-4) 4-8 STL: CAR/BUF/CLE/KC/JAX/GB/WAS/NO/BAL/OAK/DAL/DET/IND/SF/13 NO: CAR/BUF/CLE/DEN/JAX/MIN/PHI/STL/CIN/CHI/NYG/DET/IND/SEA/28 DIFF: KC/DEN, GB/MIN, WAS/PHI, NO/STL, BAL/CIN, OAK/CHI, DAL/NYG, SF/SEA, 13/28 Cincinnati (Teke 5-4) d Baltimore (King PK 3-6) 6-5 CIN: CAR/BUF/PIT/DEN/TEN/GB/WAS/NO/CIN/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SEA/13 BAL: CAR/BUF/CLE/KC/TEN/MIN/WAS/NO/CIN/OAK/DAL/DET/SD/SEA/24 DIFF: PIT/CLE, DEN/KC, GB/MIN, CHI/OAK, IND/SD Chicago (Agent of Oblivion 4-5) d Oakland (Smues 4-5) 6-3 CHI: CAR/MIA/PIT/DEN/TEN/MIN/WAS/NO/CIN/CHI/NYG/AZ/IND/SEA/EP OAK: CAR/BUF/PIT/DEN/TEN/MIN/WAS/NO/BAL/OAK/DAL/DET/IND/SEA/23 DIFF: MIA/BUF, CIN/BAL, CHI/OAK, NYG/DAL, AZ/DET Dallas (Hawk34 6-3) d N.Y. Giants (Cartman 4-5) DAL: CAR/BUF/CLE/KC/JAX/GB/WAS/NO/CIN/CHI/DAL/DET/SD/SEA/28 NYG: ATL/BUF/CLE/KC/TEN/GB/WAS/NO/CIN/OAK/DAL/DET/IND/SEA/23 DIFF: CAR/ATL, JAX/TEN, CHI/OAK, SD/IND, 28/23 Detroit (Chazz1998 6-3) d Arizona (Vern Gagne 2-7) DET: ATL/BUF/PIT/DEN/JAX/GB/PHI/STL/CIN/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SF/28 ARZ: CAR/MIA/PIT/KC/JAX/MIN/WAS/NO/CIN/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/XX/20 DIFF: ATL/CAR, BUF/MIA, DEN/KC, GB/MIN, PHI/WAS, STL/NO, SF/XX, 28/20 Indianapolis (Prime Time Andrew Doyle 3-6) d by San Diego (Porter 5-4) IND: CAR/BUF/CLE/KC/JAX/MIN/WAS/NO/BAL/OAK/DAL/DET/IND/SF/35 SD: CAR/BUF/CLE/DEN/JAX/GB/PHI/NO/CIN/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SF/24 DIFF: KC/DEN, MIN/GB, WAS/PHI, BAL/CIN, OAK/CHI San Francisco (Bravesfan 5-4) d Seattle (Steve Rogers 4-5) 5-3 SF: CAR/MIA/PIT/KC/TEN/GB/WAS/NO/BAL/OAK/NYG/AZ/SD/SEA/EP SEA: CAR/BUF/PIT/KC/TEN/GB/WAS/NO/BAL/CHI/NYG/DET/IND/SEA/21 DIFF: MIA/BUF, OAK/CHI, AZ/DET, SD/IND, EP/21 Open Date: New England (nl-asshole 3-6), N.Y. Jets (Gert T 4-5), Houston (Bored 4-5), Tampa Bay (Starvenger 5-4) Cleveland (sfaJack) @ Pittsburgh (Me 6-3) CLE: ATL/BUF/CLE/KC/TEN/MIN/WAS/NO/CINCHI/NYG/DET/IND/SF/20 PIT: ATL/MIA/CLE/KC/TEN/GB/WAS/NO/CIN/CHI/DAL/DET/IND/SEA/27 DIFF: BUF/MIA, MIN/GB, NYG/DAL, SF/SEA, 20/27

AFC EAST Buffalo Bills (Bob Barron) 7-2 < PF: 67, PA: 60, AFC: 6-2, NFC: 1-0, DIV: 4-0 > Miami Dolphins (Spaceman Spiff) 6-3 < PF: 66, PA: 60, AFC: 4-2, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 2-1 > New York Jets (Gert T) 4-5 < PF: 61, PA: 61, AFC: 2-4, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-3 > New England Patriots (nl-asshole) 3-6 < PF: 61, PA: 63, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 0-2, DIV: 2-1 > AFC NORTH Pittsburgh Steelers (Kahran Ramsus) 6-3 < PF: 68, PA: 59, AFC: 5-1, NFC: 1-2, DIV: 3-1 > Cincinnati Bengals (Teke) 5-4 < PF: 66, PA: 68, AFC: 5-3, NFC: 0-1, DIV: 3-1 > Cleveland Browns (SFA Jack) 5-4 < PF: 64, PA: 63, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 2-0, DIV: 2-2 > Baltimore Ravens (King PK) 3-6 < PF: 58, PA: 69, AFC: 1-5, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 0-4 > AFC SOUTH Tennessee Titans (Cuban Linx) 6-3 < PF: 67, PA: 58, AFC: 4-1, NFC: 2-2, DIV: 3-1 > Houston Texans (Bored) 4-5 < PF: 69, PA: 69, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 2-1 > Indianapolis Colts (Prime Time Andrew Doyle) 3-6 < PF: 55, PA: 71, AFC: 3-3, NFC: 0-3, DIV: 1-2 > Jacksonville Jaguars (Always Pissed Off) 2-7 < PF: 58, PA: 67, AFC: 2-4, NFC: 0-3, DIV: 1-3 > AFC WEST San Diego Chargers (Porter) 5-4 < PF: 62, PA: 58, AFC: 3-4, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-3 > Kansas City Chiefs (Alfdogg) 5-4 < PF: 64, PA: 59, AFC: 3-3, NFC: 2-1, DIV: 1-2 > Oakland Raiders (Smues) 4-5 < PF: 58, PA: 63, AFC: 4-3, NFC: 0-2, DIV: 3-0 > Denver Broncos (Canadian Chris) 2-7 < PF 67:, PA: 70, AFC: 1-6, NFC: 1-1, DIV: 1-2 > NFC EAST Dallas Cowboys (Hawk 34) 6-3 < PF: 61, PA: 57, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 5-1, DIV: 2-1 > Philadelphia Eagles (Harley Quinn) 6-3 < PF: 73, PA: 70, AFC: 0-1, NFC: 6-2, DIV: 3-1 > Washington Redskins (Human Fly) 4-5 < PF: 69, PA: 68, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 2-4, DIV: 1-2 > New York Giants (Cartman) 4-5 < PF: 59, PA: 60, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 3-4, DIV: 1-3 > NFC NORTH Detroit Lions (Chazz 1998) 6-3 < PF: 73, PA: 66, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 5-2, DIV: 2-1 > Green Bay Packers (Vitamin X) 5-4 < PF: 63, PA: 63, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 3-3, DIV: 1-2 > Chicago Bears (Agent Of Oblivion) 4-5 < PF: 56, PA: 64, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 2-4, DIV: 1-3 > Minnesota Vikings (Danville Wrestling) 3-6 < PF: 66, PA: 72, AFC: 0-2, NFC: 3-4, DIV: 3-1 > NFC SOUTH Carolina Panthers (Fazzle) 7-2 < PF: 68, PA: 57, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 5-1, DIV: 3-1 > Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Starvenger) 5-4 < PF: 61, PA: 66, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 3-3, DIV: 2-0 > New Orleans Saints (Cena’s Writer) 5-4 < PF: 65, PA: 54, AFC: 3-0 , NFC: 2-4, DIV: 0-3 > Atlanta Falcons (King Of The 909) 4-5 < PF: 53, PA: 58, AFC: 2-1, NFC: 2-4, DIV: 1-2 > NFC WEST San Francisco 49ers (Bravesfan) 5-4 < PF: 60, PA: 62, AFC: 1-1, NFC: 4-3, DIV: 3-1 > St. Louis Rams (Canadian Guitarist) 4-5 < PF: 62, PA: 60, AFC: 0-2, NFC: 4-3, DIV: 3-0 > Seattle Seahawks (Steve Rogers) 4-5 < PF: 68, PA: 65, AFC: 1-2, NFC: 3-3, DIV: 1-3 > Arizona Cardinals (Vern Gagne) 2-7 < PF: 55, PA: 73, AFC: 2-0, NFC: 0-7, DIV: 0-3 >

10: 30 p.m. • Global warming blahblahblah. You know, can you guy worry about genocide and stuff before trying to tackle this sort of stuff? 10 p.m. • I saw the opening to this article without the dateline in view. Time to guess where the story took place -- Alabama, West Virginia, Mississippi? Try Washington. 9 p.m. • So the better half and I went to the local Chinese buffet today, and they (thankfully) hired some chick who spoke English to make customer transactions. Now I don’t know if this chick was naturally well-endowed or if it was the low-cut shirt doing most of the talking; however, this was a prime example of a “cleavage trap.” I’m sorry, but I’m a believer in “less is more.” If a woman has to showcase her goods in such a blatant manner, chances are one of several things: 1) They have no brain or personality and have to rely on their fun bags for self-satisfaction. 2) It’s a “trap,” which they will more than happily spring on some guy they don’t want staring at their chest, going “OMG U PERVERT~!” 3) Ample ventilation is needed to prevent overheating “down there.” Not sure what the reason was for our customer service representative. All I cared about was that I didn’t have to say, “excuse me?” or “huh?” 20 times when trying to understand what the cashier was saying. God I’m getting old. 7 a.m. • So I got an e-mail from some place that asked "Don't know where to meet the local bar slut?" Well it made me laugh. Then again, perhaps it being 7 a.m. on a Monday morning might have something to do with it, too.

No you're not. Yes you are.

8:30 p.m. • Wow, this is just like my "One of the worst things you can do to a Muslim male," only this person did actual research and stuff. Go to the site yourself and click on the links for each story. 8:15 p.m. • I heard this on the radio this morning. After doing a quick rundown, I concluded that I could see the Steelers being Number 2. I thought about who would be Number 1, and I was correct (Green Bay). However, Number 3 surprised me -- Cleveland. Cleveland? Now I don't go to NFL games, but my guess would have been Seattle. Then again, the last time I went to a professional football game was in 1993.

You listen to NPR?

The Pirates have a ton of crap during the season, too. I guess anything to get a fan's attention away from the actual on-field play.

10 a.m. • Oh God. So I'm listening to this hatchet job ESPN is doing on the RACIST Delaware program and it's the typical PC bullshit that ESPN can produce oh so well. Long story short, the white school doesn't want to play the black school and they're near each other. Uh, oh. RACISM~! Wait a second. These two schools play each other in other sports, which was glossed over in this report. Uh.... OK. Now there must be other reasons, right? No, it must be... RACISM~! Say, Penn State no longer wants to play Pitt in football. Pitt is in an urban area while State College is white as snow. What does this mean? JoPa is a, all together now... RACIST~! • Time for this week's pickkks: Atlanta @ Carolina (4.5) Have I mentioned that I really hate the Panthers? When I pick them to lose they win. When I pick them to win/cover they stink up the joint. I'm expecting a 30-point blowout. (3.5) Buffalo @ Miami Miami has to win SOMETIME, don't they? Cleveland @ Pittsburgh (9.5) Yeah, because picking against the Steelers when they have a near double-digit spread works out so well for me. Pittsburgh will score 27 Denver @ Kansas City (3.5) Gag. I know I'll be wrong either way I go. If I go with Denver, they will show me how bad they really are. If I go with Kansas City, Denver will show me theyr aren't as bad as I really think they are. I'll go with the Chiefs with that whole "bad Denver running defense" thing. Jacksonville @ Tennessee (4.5) Crap. Both quarterbacks don't look good on paper (is Gerard sitll out?), but I'll go with the Titans anyway. And big deal regarding Vince Young's "Super Bowl" comments a while back. What do you want him to say? "Maybe we'll reach .500 this year -- how's that, guys?" Can't nobody tell Vince Young nothing what he can't do. Minnesota @ Green Bay (6.5) The Packers beat the Vikings at Minnesota. I'll go with Green Bay again. Philadelphia @ Washington (3.5) I loved the talk this week about how McNabb's is getting blamed too much for the Eagles' woes. St. Louis @ New Orleans (11.5) I'll ride the Saints' jock until they crap out. Cincinnati @ Baltimore (4.5) Hmm, I don't know where to go with this one. Oh what the hell, I'll go with the Bengals (3.5) Chicago @ Oakland That Hester guy will score on a return and the Bears will win 7-0. (1.5) Dallas @ N.Y. Giants I don't care for the Va-Giants. Go Cowboys. Detroit @ Arizona (1.5) From what I seen of the Lions schedule, they better win this one because it's going to get tougher. (3.5) Indianapolis @ San Diego I think Indy will rebound from last night's SUPER BOWL 41 1/2 loss. San Francisco @ Seattle (10.5) Man, whatever team gets to play Seattle in the second round of the playoffs (Seattle will win its first-round home game), will be like getting a two-week bye. 9:30 a.m. • AHAHAHAHA. I just heard an "Outside the Lines" teaser about why Delaware won't play Delaware State in football. "One school is made up of white students. The other is black." Gee, I wonder what's coming up? Do I even need to answer this one?

I'm surprised there are enough black people in Delaware to support a football team. And a college one, no less.

Deadline has come and gone. Bravesfan and Agent are using EPs.

Wow, you really are a Democrat.